Citation Needed - Count Juan Raphael Dante

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Count Juan Raphael Dante (born John Timothy Keehan; February 2, 1939 – May 25, 1975) was an American martial artist figure during the 1960s and 1970s who claimed he could do extraordinary feats such as Dim Mak.[1][2][3][4][5]

Hello and welcome to citation need of the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Noah and I'm going to be leading this band of elite warriors tonight. Those warriors being the Hannibal face man, Mad Murdoch, and B.A. Baracus of the show Cecil Heath, Eli, and Tom. I'm Hannibal, so I have to knock out BA and get them on this elephant so we can go over these mountains and invade Rome. Okay. I'm definitely not a face man, but I'm a faceman for sure. I'm a fac-o-sexual. And listeners, if you think we're bad, wait until you see the B team.

And the only thing keeping them at bay are, of course, our wonderful patrons. If you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around at the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Heath, what person plays thing, cause that phenomenon or event will we be talking about today? We're going to be talking about. I'm so excited. Count Juan Rafael Dante. All right. So who is, Count Juan Rafael Dante? He's a legendary master of karate, sorry, karate, a special ops combat warrior, a asterisk,

a pioneer of mixed martial arts, the original Tiger King, the original influencer, a champion of underground fighting tournaments, also a hairdresser, a you know, salesman and hot dogs, I think, and possibly a bank robber in a multi-million dollar heist. Also, a liar for some of those. I added one asterisk. It might have been more than one. But let me start simple. Count Juan Rafael Dante is some guy named John from Chicago.

He's John Kean, but he's eventually going to change his name to Count Juan Rafael Dante. So when I said legendary master of karate, I meant American karate. He's the godfather of fucking sweet kicks and spin moves or whatever. The best kind of karate. Right, obviously. Hey, bootstraps and pocket sand built this great nation, Heath. Exactly.

Yes. Also, wait, can you change your name to include a royal title? Because I'm going to change my name. They have to let you. They have to let you. I don't think they do. Guys, shit, I got to go. I am Chancellor and right now.

We are in a lot. Hey, I am in a lot of trouble if you're not allowed to. We need to talk about this right now. I'm sorry. very excited for the tiger guy. I'm fucking psyched for this essay, but I will go to jail while we are recording. Or will you?

So John from Chicago was born in 1939, and his martial arts career started like so many others. He got beat up. When he was a teenager, somebody broke into the house, and Johnny tried to bite the guy. So Johnny got immediately punched in the face really hard, and that was the end of life.

The next day, Johnny's dad signed him up for boxing lessons at a local gym, and the world didn't know it yet. But the legend in the making had begun. His punchable face would go on to distract burglars all over the world. So after high school, Johnny enlisted in the Army in 1958, and while he was stationed in California, he fell in love with martial arts. Or, whodot, the martial way. If you ever get cornered at a party by a fucking karate weirdo, you're going to hear words like Budo all the time. Also,

Fujitsu, the study of physical combat, and Ushito, the ancient code of the samurai. Well, Johnny clearly got corner trapped like that during army parties in California, and he loved it. He started reading books about all different martial arts and training in Kung Fu and karate

with Masters of the Way. Yeah, a quick reminder for those who didn't waste their youth trying not to be a theater kid by reading every karate book he get his hands on. The way of the samurai was to have a sword when it was illegal for everyone else to have one. They were the NYPD of ancient Japan. Yes. Yes.

And they also mostly did clerical work towards the end there. Yeah, but it is still nice to know that concealed carry nuts have a proud and ancient tradition. Okay. But the paper cutter at the clerical work jobs was pretty cool. Oh, yeah. It was pretty cool stuff. So after learning the secrets of Kung Fu in 1958, California,

Johnny got all excited and he wanted to pursue his dream, becoming a master of martial arts himself. But he was stuck in the army. So he decided that getting fired was the move. He started stealing cars and going AWOL, and he finally got kicked out of the service in 1960. So from there, Johnny went. to the mecca of martial arts,

Phoenix, Arizona. And he started training with a guy named Robert Trias, known as the father of American karate. We're laughing because it's obviously Flagstaff. That's, yeah, obviously. So Robert Trias fought in World War II, and he brought back ancient fighting techniques

of all of the continent of Asia, probably according to him. including, of course, karate. And he founded United States Karate Association, USCA. And if you've read the seminal work on American karate, the hand is my sword,

a karate handbook. You know who I'm talking about. It's all fun in games until you run into the hand is my shield guy. Yeah. Oh, shit. Or the gun is my sword guy.

Yeah, that's a real. My hand is my bayonet. I don't even know. how this works anymore. Can we just name whatever part and whatever weapon we want? I'm going to win this. I'm doing finger guns. I'm doing finger guns. Does that win? I'm my gun is my gun. Stop. You're ruining all

martial arts forever. You're the worst. Hate you. Who is that guy? So Johnny mastered all the hand sword techniques in trios and he headed back to Chicago in 1962 to open up a dojo of his own. It was called the Imperial Academy of Fighting Arts and his team eventually became known as the Black Dragons. Oh my God, just play D&D. There's less sweat and the same amount of not touching boobs.

So this is when Johnny basically invented the idea of the modern influencer and created a ridiculous persona in order to sell his brand. He drew fancy cars, he wore flashy clothes, and he got himself a pet lion. What? So, yeah, this guy was the Lion King before we got the Tiger King. The pet lion was a cub named Aurelia, and Johnny would walk around Chicago with his

pet lion. This was good for the attention economy, of course, but there were downsides. According to Johnny's friend Tommy, that fucking thing would absolutely tear the shit at it. Yeah, man, its hand is claws, so it's

like, oh yeah. I'm sorry, but I feel like there were already flamboyant assholes before this guy, though. I don't think he invented that. I've seen paintings of the 18th century. Yeah, yeah. It's all, arts all imitation. So this was a big moment in the history of Chicago and the history of martial arts. But nobody quite knew it yet.

Johnny and Sensei Bob started organizing karate tournaments in Chicago. Yeah, Sense Bob. Sonsey Bob, establishing the city, establishing Chicago as the new epicenter of hand sword fighting. But tensions began to rise between Johnny and Sonsey Bob. For Johnny, the events weren't flashy enough. And he started adding stuff like, you know, breaking bricks as a demonstration of karate's magical power. According to a former student, Johnny could punch a brick in half. But also, fucking asterisk.

There's going to be a lot of asterisk. In one of the demonstrations, Johnny broke a brick, but only after three tries, which is so amazing because he hurt himself so bad twice. He also broke five bones in his hand. My hand is now a cast.

Yeah. Yeah, shows up on class on Monday. Hey guys, brick is the teacher now. I don't want to talk about it. Stoody says, I love you so much. It's honorable.

The other big source of tension between Johnny and Sensei Bob was about the rules of competition. Most sport karate tournaments don't allow full contact. You're supposed to stop your kicks and punches an inch or two

before you hit the other person. The judges award points for what was definitely gonna be a sweet punch if it landed or a sweet kick if it landed. They were on I got you rules? It was I got your rules. Yeah, it was the sport

if I gotcha. But there were extra points from the judges for technique and doing cool noises. But if you just punched a guy in the face, you'd lose points or you'd get disqualified, as we saw in the All Valley. Selectively in the All Valley. Well, yeah, I mean, it turns out Mom and Dad aren't going to pay for the monthly unlimited membership to Rising Stars strip mall karate if Johnny really does put someone in a

body bag. Right. So, Sente Bob would train his fighters based on the lower contact rules, but Johnny of the Black Dragons wasn't going along with that. That's not how it works on the streets in competition. Right. Yes. Because when a man confronts you, he is the enemy and the enemy deserves no mercy.

It's what we always say. That's exactly right. So they held a tournament in 1964, and a reporter from CBS News came to John. Johnny's dojo for an interview right before the event. The reporter asked if you can get seriously injured. And Johnny responded, you can very easily kill someone if you know how to hit him and where to hit him. This is the whole thing that puts the trained over the untrained.

For instance, if I hit him with this train, 100% dead. They will be dead. I have train hands if I need. I love the fucking slow newsday at CBS News. Yeah, right. He's something over to a dojo? How many do different ways? Can you kill a man with a cone?

Presidents are pretty normal right now, which might have none down to the dojo. Talking to the tiger guy about who he thinks he could kill. God. So this is when Johnny goes full sweep the leg. He decides that learning sport karate doesn't matter unless you could win a fight in the real world. So that's what he does at the sport karate tournament. His team shows up and they just fucking blast people in the face who are like, what? He's not smashing people. Teeth were getting knocked out all over the place. Oh, no. Lots of disqualifications. Everybody got kicked out who did that,

but the Black Dragons, they make a name for themselves. Yeah, the following week they showed up to a golf tournament with guns. It was great. It was awesome. Hey guys, I know we all lost the big tournament by DQ, but we can go home proud knowing that although we lost, we also cheated. Yes. And the people we punched weren't trying to punch. Yep.

We are the attention economy. It's about punching somebody who doesn't know you're about punched them and they're not trying to prevent that. Okay, Andrew, T. So, So following that, tournament, Johnny decides the no-contact rule at the USCA is holding back the entire sport. So he starts his own organization with full contact. And of course, that means a training regimen

to match. This was the beginning of mixed martial arts. Not really, but kind of. In order to get in Chicago with people he was talking to anyway. So in order to get a brown belt or a black belt status with Johnny. He'd put a student in a dark room and make him fight four other students in a row. So, you know, like real life scenario, one after the other,

you have to go one at a time. And the four attackers got sticks and knives. Jesus, what? Hey, Johnny, that guy's dead. Is the test over? D pass? I mean, obviously he failed, but what is, there's three more guys.

I haven't. And, and, and, and, and, and, it was really dark in there, so we all just kind of

stabbed each other a whole bunch of, so, I'm not sure this is a sustainable business model. I don't, yeah,

I got stabbed. I'm mad about this. We're going to talk about this. My hand is broken. So Johnny, Johnny also conducted some training at local bars. He'd find the biggest guy at the bar

and knock the beer out of his hands and blame, and blame one of the students. Then the student would have to win a bar fight against the huge guy and power of many friends. He called it a broomete. Brumetay.

Nice. And of course, this all led... I'm gonna kick your... I meet him. I'm so sorry. That was better than I expected it to be. It was a habit thing out of habit. You were like, ah, he's talking.

Hey, you did a good Heineken thing. I'm giving you a cheers. I'm giving you your first cheers. Cheers for me. Of course, I thought you were going to go, I kicked his bud, but I don't use more syllables. Okay, so of course, all this also led to something called dojo storming. That's when a proud karate master and his team show up at a rival dojo and challenge everyone. No, I got it mixed up.

They challenge everyone to a fight. Eventually, these were happening all over the city. Apparently, Chicago in the 60s was nothing but bars and warring karate schools on every block. It was called the Chicago Beef. I love that show. Bair style. This period became known as the Dojo Wars. And the violence started spilling outside the mat.

In 1965, Johnny and a fellow black. Dragon, Sensei, they got super drunk at a bar and decided, we're going to blow up a rival judo school with... What? What is happening? What? Was it karate dynamite? It was karate.

Yes, it was. His hands were dynamite. You don't know. He's hitting his hands together to get a spark. He's like, so they get dynamite, I guess. They put the dynamite in the window of the rival school. Tape the fuse to the wall outside to connect. it, lit the fuse, and ran around the corner.

And then, nothing. The tape peeled off. And it was this. So they ran back and tried again. Also didn't work. They tried three times. Didn't work. They finally got it to work on the fourth try.

But while this ridiculous cartoon farce was unfolding, somebody called the cops, and they got arrested right away. Officers, you don't understand. They're making karate look bad. But what was blowing up that dojo with dynamite supposed to bring? My karate is so good we can blow you up with dynamite? Or were they planning to claim that they punched it that hard? Okay.

You're making a joke, but like that's not out of the question. That's amazing. But they were going to like take credit for it. Like out of the head. But we punched through. That's right. Okay. So the dojo wars, they're really heating up.

And at the same time, Johnny ramped up the influencer persona even more. In 1967, he officially changed his name from John Kean to Juan Rafael Dante. That'll do it. And he insisted he was a descendant of Spanish royalty. And he was reclaiming his title. So it was Count Juan Rafael Dantes. This karate Spanish? It's not clear how he chose the name, but I read this article.

in the Chicago reader that noted that Johnny went to Mount Carmel High School in Chicago located on Dante Avenue. All right, well, me and Eli 23rd Street and Cecil North Cleveland Avenue need a quick break, but we'll be back after a little apropos

of nothing. Hey, men over 40, are you getting out of shape? Do women fear your approach? As the addition of a wife that kids to your life removed everything else? Well, come down to Dojo for Dance. We got Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

You'll tell yourself you like it because it's scientific, but actually you like it because of the hugs. But that's not all. We also offer karate, Kung Fu, and just regular Jiu-Jitsu. It's like studying abroad, but I just get to say the words. Dojo for Dance, because you're not disappearing, you do karate.

And now that we've successfully alienated the substantial portion of, of our audience that does martial arts. Oh, no. More. We can get back to us. Mom. Where is this story?

Mom, I'd like you to cancel my Patreon pledge to citation needed. They said, I'm not going to repeat what they said because it would dishonor this family. And I know that after. I think I might be in trouble for saying that I was a Viscount on a government document. That's why I love those guys. Well, one fifth of those. guys because they were like me in so many ways but our differences

are indescipherable there's no words it's real but that one hanging up so when you switch it up from John to Count Juan Raphael Dante you need a makeover so that same year

1967 the newly branded Count Dante showed up at a tournament wearing a cape and a yellow fishnet leotard and carrying a scepter capped with a lion's head. Well, I'm just glad he respected authentic Okinawan karate culture. Yes.

Also, famously Spanish culture, lots of lions there. He also dyed his hair jet black and trimmed his beard into badass karate colors. I don't know how to describe this beard other than badass karate shapes in his head. I feel like somehow his beard looks like a... pose sign. And I don't even know what that means, but I feel like it's still right. Like, it's a trigonometry beard. So the beard thing was actually made easier because Count Dante also opened a hair salon that same year called the House of Dante. Sadly, I could not find a photo with the cape and the lion's scepter. But I did find a photo of Count Dante demonstrating his

dance of death karate style with a student while they were both attending a backyard wedding. So that's fun. They were at a wedding and they were like, we're going to do a karate demo and everybody was like, I also found a close-up of the Spanish royalty karate beard that he had. Podcast listener, it's at this point that I'm supposed to describe how silly these photos look in a way that heightens their humor.

But all that I can advise is that you kidnap Ethan, right? And make him show you these pictures. That is. Okay. Like, I, I know that this guy could have kicked my ass, right? But nothing is going to convince me

otherwise faster than this little fucking cha-cha stance he's doing in this picture with his little ruffle cups. Right? Lots of people take martial arts pictures, guys. I don't know what we're talking about here. I am a Viscount.

Fuck you. paid for that certificate reclaiming my throne stupid okay another episode is eight minutes long okay another detail from this period

in Dante's life you'll be shocked to learn that he got divorced he was married for a little bit he got divorced mostly for being a wildly abusive piece of shit we won't get into the details

it's terrible but then he found love again when he was at the Playboy Club. I think in Chicago, he met a waitress who really liked him. She really did like him. And the relationship fit nicely into the influencer persona. He dubbed his new girlfriend, The Dragon Lady, and he made her into his sidekick. She was known as the Playboy Bunny with a black belt, despite her very limited karate skills. And this got lots of press. They were featured on tabloid covers. They did TV appearances. And they put on performances together.

that were a combination of sweet karate moves and magic tricks. That's fun. His magic repertoire or maybe karate repertoire or both, we don't know, could combine it all. It includes Count Dante catching a bullet that was fired at him. You do the bullet catch. To be fair, there's no amount of money I wouldn't pay to get to go to a show to watch this guy maybe get shot. Like, I know it's a magic trick. Hey, Alec Baldwin, I will buy your tickets.

Do you want to go to this fucking sweet job? Jesus Christ. I feel like the Venn diagram between once-owned nunchucks and nose magic tricks is very much a circle. Good bet. Accurate. So given the newfound fame, Count Dadeh. They started finding. They're coming at everybody this episode.

They're coming at everybody. So given the newfound fame, Count Dante started finding more ways to cash in and keep the momentum going. Instead of just teaching karate and doing tournaments, he started organizing big spectacles to demonstrate his incredible skill. One of those events was billed as killing a charging bull with a single karate chop. I'm sorry. What? What? Yeah.

Well, and it wasn't even an original idea, weirdly enough, this was actually stolen from another karate guy named Mas Oyama. who had the bull murdering chop as a signature move. That was Moss's signature move. And I gotta say, it seems like this was fake. However, I will say, I heard from the dads of three different childhood friends. This was a real thing that they had seen. Or they knew a guy who had seen it. So maybe it's real.

That's fine, but the real skill is hitting it with the chop and then turning into hanging-cased sausages. That's the real skill. Okay, for a little bit of context, an adult bull weighs 2,000 pounds and a charge carries around 57,000 jewels of energy while a train fighter's punch and parts around 200 joules of energy.

So this is about the same thing as karate chopping a Toyota Corolla cruising at 25 miles an hour. In other words, very plausible, Heath. I believe that carry out. So, okay, so first of all, they never said adult bull, which is amazing, right? That would have been a really, awesome loophole.

A little tiny baby little dog's animal. He's like wobble legs and everything. He's got a puppet. Yeah. God. This guy couldn't lamb chop somebody. Are you kidding? Right. But the other point

is he, Thomas, that if you know the Toyota's pressure points, it's not about how hard you hit. In its guard. Yeah. Okay. So you know how you can like hit the longest home runs off a fastball? It's like that with a charging bowl or a carola.

Their speed, we're doing so much of the work for you, yes. Yeah, exactly. So here's how the bull chopping exhibition went down. Count Dante bought a bull from his bull guy at the stockyards. He put the bull in a pickup truck, and he drove around Chicago telling people about the upcoming event. But Count Dante wasn't going to do it himself. He was a teacher, first and foremost, a sense. first and foremost.

So he wasn't going to squander this learning opportunity, this teachable moment. And he assigned the bull murder shop to a 19-year-old student. Oh, no. So everything's all set. Oh, me. Seats are filled. Oh, man. I know.

I think I can do this. Yeah. Seats are held. Can I do the room one where there's four guys? I don't want me. If you could pull this short straw from my hand. Do you want the fucking herbal belt? or not, asshole. Okay.

So that noise was also happening. Yeah, there he is from offstage. And then Countante finally, he comes out, it makes a very sad announcement that his bull killing thing had been shut down by the SPCA of Chicago, but they were totally gonna do it

otherwise. They were just about to do it. However, if anyone would like to rescue the bull, we've got it and a bunch of two old cats in carriers in the parking lot outside with a confused teenager who should not be deciding who gets pets. So you can just sort of go up there and get a bull or an old cat.

The other big way he made money was an early version of actually a now classic strategy. Count Dante took out classified ads in comic books all over the country. So an infomercial visionary. In the ads, he described himself as the dead. deadliest man alive. He was selling his pamphlet called World's Deadliest Fighting Secrets. Oh my God. Okay.

Yeah. I remember these. He's that guy. He's that guy. So the pamphlet would teach you his Dance of Death Fighting style, obviously, including and this is very important, the legendary Dimma. Dung! Poison hand.

The poison is his weapon sometimes. These were a collection of top secret techniques. It could Mame or kill your adversary in real life scenarios, asterisk. But don't answer yet. You also got a Black Dragon Fighting Society membership card absolutely free. Only $5. Hey, kids, you enjoying some Batman.

Well, you know who else could beat up the mentally ill. Jesus Christ. Man, you throw in a bag of dehydrated brine shrimp eggs and I am in. In, I say. So here's an excerpt from one of his ads. Quote, Yes, this is the deadliest and most terrifying fighting art known to man. And without equal, its maiming, mutilating, disfiguring, paralyzing, and crippling techniques

are known by only a few people in the world. An expert at Dim Mok could easily kill many judo, karate, kungfu, Ikido, and Kung Fu, experts at one time with only fingertip pressure using his murderous poison hand weapons instructing you step by sorry this is fucking amazing this is all real

instructing you instructing you step by step through each move in this manual is none other than Count Dante the deadliest man who ever lived and then in parentheses the Crown Prince of Death Is he a Count or a Crown Prince? Are they the same? I totally remember seeing those ads when I was a kid.

And even then I remember thinking, but doesn't that mean there's just spots on my body that if they ever just get touched, I'll die? Right. Yeah, so you start poking around for it. You're like, wait. Wait, oh no, fuck. This isn't it?

I'm still here. Don't do this. Don't do this. Okay, that one's fun. That one's fun right there. Interesting. So the pamphlet itself was equally credible, like the ads. the first two pages were just a long list of all the different martial arts that

Dante had mastered a description of himself as strikingly handsome. That's fun. And a mention of his impressive abilities as a classical singer. Really? In a lot of the arts as well. That was followed by photos and explanations of all the devastating dim mock techniques. That includes a move known as monkey stealing a peach or sometimes grab and tear off the move.

It's when you grab the dick and tear it off. Oh. Podcast listener, I shit you not. The second technique in this book is push your fingers in their mouth. Second. That's only if that's only if ripping their dick off doesn't work,

which usually it does, right? That'll slow a motherfucker right down. Hey boss, do you want to ramp this up? No, your fingers in my mouth. Okay. The picture's so good because the guy who's posing for the picture is like, okay, got it.

Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. We got it, we got it. Oh, your hands taste like cologne is so bad. A lot of Lou. Tiger pee? Lion pee. Okay. Imagine the guy posted for the getting your dick ripped off photo, though. Like, he was having no fun. So, meanwhile, the Dojo Wars were still raging.

Everyone already hated Johnny Kean. because he's the fucking worst. And now they definitely hated Count Juan Rafael Dante with the robe and the second. That includes the green dragons of a rival dojo. They'd been feuding for years at this point and it boiled over into an all-out brawl on April 23rd of 1970.

Was the feud about which color is the coolest for dragons? I am certain that it is. Obviously. It doesn't even make sense for them to be black. They're green because you're a real. 100% certain which color is cooler green versus black

was the argument. So obviously green. Don't be stupid. Also helping lead to the fight though, Count Dante heard a rumor that a green dragon said he was past his prime. At which point, of course,

he flew into a rage and gathered up a gang of his best fighters to do a big dojo storm. According to the account from a green dragon, Count Dante knocked on their door, and pretended to be a cop. And the moment they opened the door,

while the black dragons ran inside. So naturally, the green dragons all grabbed their sweet karate weapons off the walls. They had samurai swords, battle axes, and maces. Maces, the spiky metal ball on the end of a stick. That famous karate weapon.

Yeah. From Spain. Yeah, so shit was on. You guys remember that one. scene from the second matrix. It was like that but dumber and more uncoordinated. Like way more uncoordinated. And you're not rooting for anyone. It's the best.

So somehow, I don't know how this all turned tragic. According to Black Belt Magazine, a great publication as we know. One of the black dragons instigated the violence by hitting a green dragon with his

Noon Chaku. The black dragons, on the other hand, had differing stories about who made the first move. But either way, somebody's about to get stabbed in the melee that followed. According to a green dragon named Jerome, he got attacked from behind by a black dragon named Jim. Of course, Jerome had to defend himself, so he grabbed a dagger off the wall. And, well, just let him finish.

He then peacefully turned around to face the attacker. But totally on accident, the 14-inch dagger somehow plunged directly into Jim's chest. and Jim ended up dying. Jerome got charged with manslaughter, and Count Dante got charged with assault and battery and impersonating a police officer. But somehow nobody actually got in trouble. What?

The judge at this trial said, exact quote, you're each as guilty as the other. I've never seen such a pack of lunatics. What? And then he dismissed all the charges. But they're all gift. You could charge all of them.

them is a choice. That's also a tie. Nope. I don't give a fuck if you live or die. I don't give a fuck if you live or die. I sentence you to finish the fight. Look, I am not generally like a

gotta be tougher on crime kind of guy, but I feel like when someone is dead of a stabbing wound, the judge shouldn't be mad, not just disappointed, you know? Right, yeah, right, right. Also, when one group invades the others' premises under false pretenses and attacks them with deadly weapons, they're not all equally guilty, right?

It's like these assholes who can't see a difference between the Republicans and the Democrats. Plack, clack, I sentence you to finish the fight. It's the same. I feel the same. So that was the beginning of the end for Count Dante's fame and fortune. All his pristine credibility was gone at that point.

Nobody wanted to learn his karate anymore, and he fell into a deep depression. He tried to make money with a used car dealership and a chain of adult bookstores and a concession stand at Comiskey Park, selling hot dogs and peanuts at the White Sox Games. None of that worked out. And eventually he ended up owing money to a local mafia guy in the outfit, Chicago. And that led to the big heist in 1974, maybe.

The per later armed express company had a big vault of cash and somebody stole $4.3 million. The outfit was believed to be involved. And since Count Dante had connections to some of the suspects, he was questioned by the FBI. But he passed a polygraph, and that's real. He never got charged. And then he died a few months later in 1975, and his part of the investigation, I guess, just got dropped. But according to Count Dante's lawyer... Same judge.

I don't care if he did it. But according to Count Dante's lawyer, Robert Coole, in his autobiography from years later, Dante was actually one of the masterminds of the whole plan for the heist. I thought it was weird that the burglar demonstrated down on the ground by jumping into the air and landing in a side split,

but I don't want to say anything. And then punched the safe open. Hey guys. Hold on. It's funny. Actually, the heist I read, they used some sort of bomb, but the bombs didn't work. Yeah, no, but the bombs didn't work.

and it left a bunch of the scene with like the evidence there so the cops had a better chance to find. Jesus Christ. But they're going after, yeah. So Count Dante is gone now, but his legacy lives on.

And very fittingly, it lives on in the form of a stupid fucking feud between karate guys. So just before dying. It's green, god damn it. Green is cooler. Almost.

So just before dying, Count Dante named his protege William Aguar as the official successor and supreme grand master of the Black Dragon Fighting Society. And when

Aguard died, he gave that title to his son, William Aguard the 3rd. Meanwhile, another student of Johnny slash Count Dante's named Bob, student named Bob, started a band called Count Dante and the Black

Dragon Fighting Society out in California. But Bob isn't the official Supreme Grand Master, so the Aguilar family sent a cease and desist order to Bob about his ban. That feud has not been settled. And I think I speak for everyone involved when I say, William and Bob should fight to the death for control of that band. Obviously.

Obviously. If you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be? Everyone talking about their martial arts thing of any kind in any way is lying. It's all, the entire subject is lies. Eli does have a black belt. Second degree. Second degree. And are you guys ready for the quiz? Let's do it. All right, Heath, martial arts are obviously pretty stupid, but they do have some good uses. A, you keep all the divorced men in the same place on Saturday mornings. Nice to know where they are. That's really good. B, it assures way more idiots die of knife wounds

than they probably otherwise would. See? It's another fucking activity to enroll your kid in and God knows there aren't enough for those. Or D, without it, we wouldn't know that I am measurably the most elite

combatant on the podcast. Beware, co-hosts. Beware. Okay, well, it's definitely D and you should fight Tom right now. That is Chris. Howard Noah. Come on, man.

Let's hang out. We'll roughhouse. We'll cuddle. Hey, bros. You don't need to fight people because A, you're just not important. B, no one is coming after you. C, real people in real life don't have enemies.

That's fucking nothing. D, BJJ is just cosplay for dudes too cheap shell out for the fur suit. And E, also, if someone wants to fuck you up, they're going to jump you with, like, three other guys when you're not looking or shoot you because guns cost pretty much nothing. Where's that? Okay, so I want to say all the above,

but I think B, no one is coming for you is wrong. Like, some people just really suck, and people are coming for them, but they shouldn't learn karate because that's not going to help them. So I'm going to say ACD and E secret answer. Oh, so you, that smart, smart. I threw me in there to red herring. Too smart.

Child support counts as someone coming for you so I get it. Hey, Heath. When they made this action movie, when they make this action movie, they should cast some true Chicagoans like the super fans,

like the Da Bears guys, right? So they could have them be the actors and they should call it A, Dodd Sport, B, Aging Bull, C,

Cakin, or D, Aortal Combat. Yeah. Okay. A lot of competition here, but I think it's, my favorite is B, aging bowl. It is not. I'm sorry, it's aortal comp. Oh, it is.

I guess it is, because you have to win. So yes. Sure, the fuck is aging. Yeah, it is aging. I'm sorry, you have to win. But aorta combat is really fucking good, though. Yeah, also very, very good. Somehow Cecil nailed the quiz question that well, and Heath still won.

I don't even know how it happened. I'm in protest. In fairness, let's hear from Cecil next week. All right. Well, for Heath, Eli Cecil and Tom, I'm Noah, thanking you for hanging out with us today. We're going to be back next week. Bye then. Ciesel will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, we'll make plenty of other podcasts for you, including but not limited to the No Rogan Experience, God-awful movies, Citation Needed, and the Skaid and if you'd like to help keep this show-n't-up movie and the show-nows, be sure to check out citation pod. com.