Citation Needed - David Icke

Episode Date: October 17, 2018

David Vaughan Icke (/aɪk/; born 29 April 1952) is an English writer and public speaker. A former footballer[1] and sports broadcaster, Icke has been known since the 1990s as a professional conspiracy theorist.[2][3] He is the author of over 20 books and numerous DVDs, and has lectured in over 25 countries, speaking for up to 10 hours to audiences.[4][5]

Okay, and Moishi, how are we doing on the news media? Fantastic. We managed to suppress yet another cure for cancer and crush that story about our base at the center of the earth. Oh, that is fantastic work, Moishi. Abraham, how are the Chem Trail projects working out? Well, ever since we convinced people. Oh, hey, Eli. Oh, hey, Cecil, what are you doing here at this?

Uh, it's Monday. We're recording our episode on David Ike today. Remember we're in the count. Oh, shit, I forgot. Who are these people? Oh, these guys are my chess tennis club. Chess tennis club. That's right. We bob around chess pieces. It's a whole thing. That's what we do. Yeah. Are you sure he's not one of us?

No, Abraham, the beard is like it's a hipster thing. It's not, it's not a look Jewish. It's so confusing. I know. I know. Okay. Well, I need the studio. So maybe, uh, sure, um, Guys, why don't we meet up Wednesday?

Gachem, are you okay to give your report on the, mm-hmm, then you can give your report then? Sure thing. Oh, so you'll do a Jewish voice. What, you want me to do voices? You're always like, do this, and this is the voice. This is the voice. This is the voice.

You? You sound like that. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed. The podcast where we choose to subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet. That's how it works now. I'm Tom and I'll be ripping off the rubber masks and exposing the cold hard truth, but I can't pull this rubber off alone. Joining me today are two men who look like the after pictures for a facial latex allergy.

Heath and Eli. That's fair. That's fair. Pretty sure my eyebrows are trying to drag my skin away and replace it with a better model. That's what it looks like. I was totally going to double-cross Tom Cruise, too. I ended up going to the hospital as the worst. Worst. I had a mask under the mat. I don't know to end up going to the hospital is the worst

Worst I'd have mask under the man I don't know what can't do it and also joining us tonight or two men who when asked what animal they would most like to be had Distressingly specific reasons for their answers Cecil and Noah I just want to be the next bond villainess platy pussy Yes, platyplacy. What's wrong with that? I know that's so unfair. It's not be-shallowing anymore. If I'm that animal, I don't know what you're freaking out about. You ask what animal that caught the ASPCA, that was unwarranted.

I just... That was not my first call for you. By the way, okay, we have to move on. This is the part when we thank our patrons in an attempt to guilt the non-patrons into being better people. So here we go Our patrons are better lovers. Yes, it's true. Sorry, but it's just that's just true because they know how to give Give us some money and we'll tell you whatever it is that you want to hear and if you'd like to be Complemented on the utility virginity, we'll be sure to stick around until the end of the show

All right, with that out of the way tell tell us Cecil, what person plays thing, concept, phenomenon, or event. We'll be talking about today. Today, we're going to be talking about the author of the biggest secret, greatest secret ever. What a secret. David, mother fucking, Ike. Alrighty. Keith, you read an article on Wikipedia for the first time, I think that had nothing to do with sex. So are you okay? Is everything alright, buddy? You good?

We're going to talk about Barack Obama later and his beautiful milk chocolatey skin. They're sex involved. They're sex involved. Hillary too. Always sex involved. All right. Well, tell us Heath, for those of us who didn't spend almost a year reading his books chapter by chapter for fun and profit. Who is David? David

Ike is a former professional soccer player sports announcer, political activist, public crazy talker, high ranking teal enthusiast and one of the world's foremost authors on the subject of Jewish people teaming up with shape shifting lizard aliens to control the world. Yeah, okay. And that seems like a pretty standard career trajectory, not even sure why we're doing this, but tell us, see, how does one go from playing sports guy to literate? I don't know how that works.

Often quite a struggle or comp. So David Ike was born in Lester, England in 1951. I believe that's pronounced incorrectly. He was born in Lea's sister, England, go fuck yourself. And his father was a medic in the Royal Air Force during World War II. And his mother was a woman from that era. Following the war, his father became a clerk in a clock factory. And his mom continued female clerk in a clock factory and his mom continued

femaleing in their... They lived in relative poverty for most of David's childhood during which time it was determined by all his teachers that he was kind of stupid. The only real highlight of this time in his life was becoming a fairly talented soccer player, mostly as a goalkeeper. And he continues to block things to this day. Logic, reason, thoughts. Yes, what?

Yeah. Listerats have amazing fast twitch muscles, so it totally makes sense. Well, his test scores are a little low, but his body doesn't allow solid objects to pass through unimpeded. So fucking soccer. I mean soccer or the arm age. All right. So Ike's professional career got started at age 15 when he dropped out of school.

And if you've read any of his writing, it all makes sense right now. You're not wrong. Except the part where you read any of his writing, it all makes sense right now. You're not wrong. Except the part where you read any of his writing was perpetually makes no fucking sense. Yeah. So he dropped out of school and started playing for the Coventry City Youth Soccer team. And over the next few years, he worked his way up to a part time spot on the Heriford United Pro level team. But unfortunately, he suffered from severe

rheumatoid arthritis in his knees, ankles, elbows, wrists, and hands. And I lids too. I don't know. It sounds like a lot of it. Sadly, he didn't know about the magical Godhead vibrations that can cure all that stuff. So he was forced to retire at age 21. Oh, making the first and last time I was invested in someone's soccer career. Yeah, like this is already more than I have ever known about soccer in my entire life. Like fun fact, like my son played soccer for about three days until we both looked at each other, shrugged, remembered we did not care and no one else did either. So we quit the team by just never showing up again. Like your marriage. Nailed it strong parenting.

How would are you? We didn't show up for that for a long. All right. So David Ike with his only major skill in life being putting your body parts in front of a fast moving ball. We had to scramble for a new job. Fluffer. Pinball was... Miley Cyrus. Oh, yes.

All great answers. But actually, he knew an editor at the Daily Mail and this connection was able to get him a job as a sports reporter with the Lester advertiser. He continued working in the field throughout the 70s and by the early 80s, he was a sports presenter for the BBC. And despite being kind of stupid, like we mentioned before, I did fairly well at this career for a while. A successful sportscaster that's also stupid.

That's how you say. Stupid. The hell are you saying? Oh. Yep. And that career went all the way until 1990. But then the success went away real fast. That's when he started yelling about how taxation is theft and refused to pay a local poll tax. And he was such a ridiculous asshole about it, including a public announcement that he'd go to prison at one point, that the BBC just kind of backed out of the room slowly and stopped paying him money, kind of worked his whole town barrel. And just for the record, he ended up paying that tax, so he didn't accomplish that. Now he's an out-of-work soccer player and a sportscaster who's also out of work. Who thinks he's a fremen on the land and also has a strong interest in alternative medicine

to help with his arthritis. And naturally, that made him a perfect fit to be a spokesman for the green party of the UK. Yeah. Yep. And they focused on real reality environment stuff and didn't help fuck American politics forever. I probably have more positive things to say about green parties, but I do not.

So anyway, David Ikes, the new spokesman for the Green Party UK, and at least for the moment, this particular Green Party, I guess they were doing mostly good stuff. And David Ike is not shouting Nazi propaganda at a scribe and turning that into a book. But, uh, change. We're about to take a turn. I like to imagine how this would go. Like, we need a proper spokesman for our party. Somebody who sees green everywhere, even under the skin of, I don't know, Jews probably someone Dodge the important issues, but we'll stand in front of them and let those issues hit him in the chest and then the face Someone brave enough to send truth to power even if that means

Screaming at a rest stop urinal We need David Modern. It's modern art. It's modern art. So, Cindy Pazun urinal, yeah. So, uh, this is where Davidike goes full crazy. And apparently that happened in March of 1990, while he was sitting by himself in his hotel room and started feeling a presence. Yeah, and the cleaning lady standing behind him in the hotel, she spends 30 minutes asking him if he wants to talk to her untalked. But then she left because he didn't respond at all. At which point he shouted into the empty room, if there's anybody here, please contact me

because you're driving me up the wall. This was followed by about 48 hours of awkward silence that I does not mention, when you tell this story, but definitely happened. Anyway, he's at a meeting with a news agent two days later, and I claims that his feet were pulled by a magical force towards the floor. He's thinking of gravity, I'm sorry,

let me describe that in the words. And a voice told him to walk over to a bookshelf and pick up a book. And the book was called Mind to Mind, written by Betty Shine. I thought it was astray. He's written by Jennifer Connelly, but I think those next time, very easily.

So he looks the book and he decides to set up an appointment with Betty Shine to psychically fix his arthritis. Right. Picks up the Kuran first. Oh, the, the one to the right of the book I choose. Okay. If you insist magical forces, I'm your puppet.

I just love magical forces that the resort to like ultimately mundane actions to reach a desired effect. I can't just fucking magical forces can't just fucking lift the book up and place it in your lap. That's too easy, man. Come on. Yeah, this is like the divine intervention equivalent of your alphabet soup like spelling out Eli's notes.

Yeah. I write my notes in soup one time. invention equivalent of your alphabet soup like spelling out Eli's notes. Yeah. I write my notes in soup one time. Yeah, I never live it down. Spelling is about as the line of commas along the rim of the soup. I don't use those. Okay. So, uh, Ike visited Betty Shine four times.

And during the third meeting, he felt a spider web on his face, which was either a spider web from the earth, the realm of the war, the ringtone of a guy named Wang Ye Lee, calling from the spirit work, turns out it was the latter of the Asian guy. Yeah, when a Wang slaps you across the face, you listen. And Mr. Wang had wang slaps you across the face. You listen. Mr. Wang had a very important message for David Ike. Watch out for spiderweb. But here's the thing, only Betty Shine could hear the message, but she was nice enough to relay the information for a small fee. So according to Mr. Wang, silent quote that only Betty Shanker here, you were sent to view the earth from something, I guess, not clear, but spoiler. Ike's going to land on Jewish people. You will become famous,

but face opposition. The spirit world will pass ideas to you, and you'll speak about those ideas to others. You'll write five books in three years, and in 20 years, a new flying machine would allow us to go wherever we wanted. Probably talking about the airplane of 2010 at that point. I'm continuing again. Time will have no meaning,

and there's gonna be earthquakes in unusual places 10 at that point. Continuing again, time will have no meaning. And there's going to be earthquakes in unusual places because the inner earth is being destabilized by having oil taken from the seabed and silent cool from flange, sink in the spirit world. Okay. To give Mr. Wang some credit, 20 years was a great bet on figuring out that literally anything is better than flying and that's not on him and there's only about twelve thousand earthquakes a year sets like a quarter

million earthquakes in twenty years and one in an unusual place that's clearly prospate i mean come on clear oh no chance yeah i just i love this fucking idiotic vision of the earth like the average oil well at that time was like a kilometer deep Right to the inner of the core of the earth Shake off the shit that happens at the service

But not the stuff that happens 99.984 304 percent of the way to the surface because that's deep down in the water and shit. The nickel and iron gun mad about that though. They could tell. They could tell. Also included in the prophecy, you will smell burnt toast and the left side of your body will go inexplicably now. Your grandchildren will say they're going to visit, but they never will. Yes. The, uh, the message from the Asian stereotype mute guy had a big impact on David Ike. And uh, you'll remember from the beginning, we mentioned that he's a highly ranked teal

enthusiast, right? I thought that was just like a ranking you had in your head, like the races. I can have both or one of those or zero. You don't know. Well, this is the time in David Ike's life that he calls the turquoise period. Oh, and it started when he got another message from the spirit. You go to your doctor if you have a turquoise period, that's not okay. That is not okay. You don't like a turquoise period. That's everybody's got their taste. So this That is not okay. You don't like a turquoise period? Yes.

Everybody's got their taste. So this time, it's like a duck egg up there. It's going on. Like a Robin, laid an egg up there. What is a horseshoe crab? So speaking of turquoise menstrual blood, you even got this other message from the spirit realm. And this other message nailed it.

In the form of Automatic writing in which you put a pen in your hand. Oh, Jesus move your hand around near paper It's a lot like regular writing But you get I hate that my life has to include knowing that this exists. I hate it. My life includes multiple failed attempts to convince relatives that it doesn't. I feel like I win. I to find win again.

Farting and not shitting. For me, personally, I didn't want to take that was answer. So in this case, it was the spirit realm telling David Ike that he was the son of the Godhead or son of the infinite mind. It's just the spirit realm like, Hey guy, without a GED, you have an infinite mind, infinite mind. You have an infinite mind, infinite mind. Yep, so obviously that meant it was time to wear nothing but turquoise, including a turquoise shell suit because you want to get more positive energy with that color. And you're gonna want a good amount of positive energy

when you're the son of the Godhead obviously. So okay, it's been even one person ever who's like, you know, no, I'm just wearing one color all the time. That like wasn't absolutely fucking bunker room. It's the easiest crazy person tell it's like, okay, I have two pair and you have only turquoise. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna go with bet everything on your fucking crazy. Yeah. Oh, also, I'm having a little trouble reconciling the magical properties of Teal

with a quarter century of being a Jaguar's fan. So yeah, I'm gonna go full show on this one. All right, so now it's March of 1991 and Ike's all hopped up on the color turquoise and he decides the green party thing isn't working out for him. Pretty sure there was a big fight about switching the name to the blue green party and party elders work out. Green party really? Because it sounds like the kind of thing the green party would love. Yeah, I don't think it's a stretch to call the green party the aqua party for how many elections they sank, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, that's sad to me. So, uh, I hold a big press conference at this point to announce that he's resigning from his post as their spokesman explaining that he's about to be at the center of a tremendous controversy, at which point there was a standing ovation from the ground. It's really quite an amazing. Yeah.

I feel like they were going to cheer no matter what when they realized they weren't being represented by a guy in a turquoise shell suit anymore. Okay, I feel like big press conference might be a bit of an exaggeration. Like big press conference might be a bit of an exaggeration like big press conference for the green part. So like David Icon is the whole that's it. Well, then a week later, he held another press conference and announced to the world that he's the son of the Godhead.

He also made a list of prophecies during that press conference. He said, the world's going to end in 1997. We'll just keep track of the score here. That's 0 for 1. There's going to be a hurricane around the Gulf of Mexico. Nailed it. That never happens. One for two. There's going to be disruption in China. The verb disrupt happened there somewhere. nailed it again, two for three, Los Angeles will become an island, two for four. The cliffs of Kent will be underwater by Christmas, call that two for five. And finally, New Zealand will disappear.

And that was not clear. Maybe they came back. We don't know. So no story now. We'll say still two for five. We'll give them a base on balls for that one. Two for five though, not great for the son of the Godhead, but not bad. Not bad. That's the first time I am out of baseball. First time. Well, and he didn't say which Christmas on the cliff. So maybe we give him two and a half, maybe just two or four. I just, I like, I want to know why is the press continuing to show up at these conferences? Like anyone

just call a press conference? Because if so, I have a lot of things to get off my chest. I am making calls. It's England, Tom. It's the size of a postage stamp. Yeah. So, so the big publicity stunt got David Ike invited on to a long list of TV and radio shows. And that includes a now infamous interview that he did with Terry Wogan in April of 1991. The bass. This is the greatest. The greatest.

Watch this video. And it did not go well for David Ike. For example, the very first thing that happens despite the favorite part of David Ike. For example, the very first thing that happens despite David Ike's entire life, the first thing that happens when he walks out of the sun of the Godhead, walks out onto the set of the show and almost chokes to death on a cookie. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, fucking wait. Who wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, to be told not to eat carmos while they're recording a podcast, huh? Why? He was, were a gift from me. To me. So once he finishes his, his cookie choking and his enormous spoon of peanut butter

and he's able to speak, Wogan asks him, are you the son of God? And Ike says, yes, then immediately gets laughed at by the entire audience and then explains how everybody laughed at Jesus too. Also pointing out that laughter is the best way to remove negative energy other than the color turquoise, I guess. I feel like I refute that claim. You're going to need a turquoise, I guess. I feel like I refute that claim. Just throwing that thing. You're going to need a turquoise shell suit before we can control that whole experiment. Yes.

But I'm at the point. Say no more. And from there, it only gets sillier. By the time it's over, David Ike was thoroughly humiliated as he should have been. He later described the experience saying, quote, one of my greatest fears is being ridiculed in public. And there it was coming true. Uh, and uh, speaking of public ridicule, it's about time for us to get into David Ike's writing career, the showing up for school naked and covered in feces of writing. Well, he's I for one. I'm glad that we're tackling two mentally ill attention horrors

back to back. So let's take a break now from ridicule and crazy people for something much classier. Apper Poe of nothing. All right, hello everyone. Welcome to this special meeting of the British Green Party. If everyone could be seated, don't tell me where to sit, I'm going to sit on the floor. My chair isn't perfect, so I set it on fire right now. I'm setting it on fire. Hey, Jolly Good. I'm an ex-patriot. Excellent, excellent. If everyone could just turn off their cell phones because they leak magic poison,

I didn't feel like there was a big difference between Verizon and shoving needles in my hair. I wasn't inspired by any phone company. So I just yell and then get mad when my pizza doesn't get delivered. I better be keep yelling. They'll bring you a pizza. Let's all just keep yelling.

Hey, pizza. Pizza. That's all right They'll bring you a pizza. Let's all just keep yelling. Pizza! Pizza! That's all right. I'll join you in a moment. Anyway, today I have some sad news. I- Pizza! Right?

I must resign my position as spokesman for the Green Party. I'm moving towards a career in deluding the uneducated while doing irreparable harm both to my country and to intellectual discourse. Isn't that what you do here? Uh, yes it is, but I want to do mine about aliens. So it's absolutely right to leave if it's not absolutely perfect. Good choice. Was some of us leaving with you not help?

Yeah! Yeah! We've all done that! No, we have all pizza! Re-count! Yeah, that was a big hit. It's all good. It's all good. No, be humble. Pizza. Recount. And we're back from that distressingly accurate reenactment. When we left off, he's, you were, I believe,

going to break our maiden head. Godhead. Whatever, right. That is correct, I was. So David Ike published the Truth Vibrations in May of 1991. And then he actually went on to fulfill that prophecy from the Asian Mute about writing five books in three years. From 92 to 94, he published Love Changes Everything

about theosophy and channeling, days of decision about his wildly embarrassing interview tour and also with a section about the mythicism of Jesus in the light of experience, his autobiography. That's a terrible title. In the life of the evil world. Heal the world. Do it yourself, guide to personal

and planetary transformation. Like that one speaks for itself. And finally, the robots rebellion. Also known as just asking Jewish questions. Yes. Yes. The robots rebellion and the truth vibration sounds like a good intro to my next

essay on sex robots. That's going to be awesome. I called out. Cecil, I read that essay. It's just a half completed customer satisfaction survey. Tom, but weirdly enough, the robot wasn't. All right, so before he wrote the robots rebellion, David Ike wasn't directly helping neo-nazis, but then he was kind of a turning point in one's life. We'll say right here. He gets it. He gets it. So the book claims that there's a secret cabal of

super rich people somehow connected with aliens and their goal is world domination. Still more. There's their audience. They're a lot, but they want to be extra super duper in charge. So like Hillary Clinton. Yeah. Yeah. And most importantly, it's the Jews we're talking about. We're talking about Jewish people. And his evidence is the protocols of the elders of Zion. That is, if you're not familiar, the anti-Semitic propaganda text that was fabricated probably by Russian pre-Nazis and published in 1903.

It was claimed to be the minutes of a secret meeting where all the Jewish overlords made plans to take over the media and the world economy. And despite getting thoroughly debunked ever since, it gets reintroduced as a real thing by hate groups and occasional sons of Godheads even today. Look guys, I'm not anti-Semitic. Hating Jews goes back centuries, but the Nazis perverted it, man. It's about free speech. The whole protocol is just a transcription of a bitchy fight about what the, what to set the thermostat at in the meeting room. So yeah, so that's my whole big thing. I guarantee that nobody who's buying into this protocol as a Zion conspiracy has ever tried to get three Jews to agree on a restaurant, right?

Or any other thing that has multiple options. or any other thing that has multiple options. All right, so with Jewish alien warlocks who secretly control the world as you're jumping off point, you can go pretty much anywhere you want. And even I did, but he doesn't really connect any dots along the way. He just got to make shit up in the yellss and then the Ls dots, but maybe you guys can connect some of this stuff. So just shout it out if you have a good connection. And speaking of evil Jewish aliens, Davidike also believes that the universe is made of vibrational

energy. And if you can dial your vibrations around, you can pick up other dimensions, just like a radio dial for dimensions. And there are infinity of these dimensions, all sharing the same space. So therefore time is an illusion. Plus Jews or something. Yeah, I think it's minus Jews. Yeah. But, oh, that's on the next. Yeah, you're missing a huge part of this though, Heath. The only way to dial in these vibrations is if you get hints or juice clues. I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid. Absolutely. Okay, it needs to be fair. I mean, time is somewhat of a slippery concept. Like, you ever think like, it's been like 20 minutes solid. You're feeling pretty good about yourself. Then you look up and you're wife or stupid lying. Juke clock machine says three minutes and it's your turn to do the dishes all the time.

Okay, Tom, if you're going to call me a lying Juke clock machine, I'm not going to be your spotter anymore. That's just going to happen. All right, more dots. Another big dot is the reptilian humanoid theory. This expands on the Jewish Kabbal idea, obviously, suggesting that they're working alongside a race of shape-shifting lizard aliens who took over the world

so they could eat our negative energy. So here's how this works. I guess if you vibrate at a downward angle, that's negative. But if you vibrate left, right or up, they can't eat it, but the down is the same. Right, no. Right. And then if you vibrate up and then up again and then down, down, left, right, left, right, PA select start. You get 30 extra lives just that's good to know

you want a lot of shit we can do it tonight sick confer reference I'm gonna go now me code for them so uh yeah the the aliens they showed up on earth and they got the Jewish people to help them get everyone, you know, vibrating down towards down.

So it's like, just a thought, but maybe you should vibrate like where the mood takes you and not try to keep working the same angle over and over again. That's why you need a spotter, Tom. It's called quitting. All right, so in exchange for helping with the negative vibes thing, the Lysraelians agreed to make the Jewish people become the Illuminati. And this involved several rounds of breeding experiments to create human reptile hybrids. The first round started about 300,000 years ago. And that one didn't really take that well as it turns out.

No, Heath was that because there weren't yet modern humans in existence to breed with my pig? Well, it was just, you know, super intelligent Jewish lizard aliens going around trying to take over the world economy before money existed. So I like to start the matter. It was just kind of like a waste. But the latest round of breeding, which was about 7,000 years ago, worked out pretty well.

And this batch is the secret cabal that currently controls the world. Thank God these lizard overlords from another dimension didn't try to use any advanced technology or superpowers to take over the world. Instead, they just decided to do it through economics. Which is, yeah. Yeah, and corporate logos and what.

Now, I feel like that's making the least out of your 23,000 year head start. Really man, you want to fuck up the world. Get fucking a lizard. They do have fast twitch muscles. I mentioned that. I'm so hot. And that heel bone, you guys into heels, who's not into heels,

right? Yes. You're, just to be clear, if you were thinking those reptile aliens were from the same dimension as us, you'd be wrong. I feel like you guys were assuming that, incorrect. They came from the lower level of the fourth dimension. Oh, okay. And that's the one that's closest to our physical world of the infinity dimensions occupying the same space,

there's was the closest. And they control us from that force lot, nice and easy, because we're right here on three. Of course, the reptilians who control the Jewish people who control us are controlled by some other alien race based on, I'm guessing a different type of earth animal. Maybe sharks, we'll say sharks. And the shark aliens have a secret cabal of Jewish reptiles who help dominate that fourth

dimension from up on the fifth dimension. That's the corporate structure, that's how it works. Right. I'm sorry, can you repeat that I got lost after just to be clear? Don't pay attention. Don't pay attention. What you said made perfect sense unless you're like you. Not even like try to mention a tune to the harmonic theory of vibratory organ crystals, but

like, come on. Read a book. I'm sorry. I just really want to be there for the fourth dimensional HR meetings with the Jew lizards talking to the fifth dimension. Seriously, where the covers on these reports, I don't have this. I don't have this. You got to see see everybody.

This is important. Take the job seriously, Galtron. I'm a shark. And again, just to be clear, you need to stop saying that word. He's please Just to be talking Only show up to eat our negative vibration energy. That's not the whole thing They also came to get some of our monotomic gold Oh, yeah Because where there's juice? Yeah, so that's not sure what the market was when

the aliens first showed up, but I just checked online. Yeah, it was a while back. But right now, you can get a one month supply of mono atomic gold for only $32. That's pretty good. Maybe. And someone tell me how much is a one month supply because like, I've had a no month supply for my whole life and I'm, I'm feeling ripped off right now. How much money do you have, Tom? That's a one month supply. You got it. And just in case anyone's not familiar, monoatomic gold is the same as regular gold, except you cut it up really small Into atom sized pieces When it's in that form the librarians are able to use it to increase the capacity of their nervous systems by a factor of 10,000

What do you have? 10,000 times more nerves you could do a lot of shit.000. Oh, it's good. And what do you have? 10,000 times more nerves. You could do a lot of shit. For example, you can read faster. That's pretty awesome. You can jump dimensions faster. And you can shape shift super good between lizard and humanoid forms.

Oh my God. You go in to sell your mono-atomic gold to the lizard guy from Pond Stars and he says, sorry, best I could do is 500 times more nerves. I can't do anything. Oh, I feel like they could have used something different as our standard of currency when they were setting up the economy, right?

If that's what, I mean, like, I don't mean to tell a trans-dimensional shapeshifting lizards how to do their jobs, but that was kind of a stupid angle, right? Right now I want to be at the HR meetings with Noah. It's gold powder that was cut with too much like baby laxative can't really shape shift. Keeps shitting Eli with a dinosaur tail, right? Yep, we all saw it. Eli with a dinosaur tail. Yeah, we all saw it. So what are the detail on the gold thing?

Some authors have tried to give David Ike some credit as best they possibly could and suggested that he was using the stories about aliens and monotomic gold as an allegory for the alienating nature of global capitalism. But Ike was immediately like, no, no, it's not an alligator. for the alienating nature of global capitalism. But I was immediately like, no, no, it's, it's, it's not an alligator. I don't even know what that would mean. That's weird. Yeah, that was just some out of work. English major, like mumbling to himself about the relationship between meaning and authorship while picking his dinner from the dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant. So Wikipedia was like, right, that shit down. Yes.

According to Ike's research, the lizard alien quotes. The lizard alien bloodline includes some very powerful families and groups throughout history. Among others, he traced the alien blood to the Rockefellers, the Rothschilds, the British Royal Family, the rich people in the Eastern time zone of the United States, of the Harry Potter, Mark Zuckerberg, Tony Blair, George W. Bush, and Barack Obama, all Jewish. And apparently, the secret brotherhood controls the United Nations, the International Monetary

Fund, the Council on Foreign Relations, the trilateral commission, the Bilderberg Group, the CIA, MI6, science, just all of it. The media idea. Again, all of it and the internet. Yeah, yeah, but the one thing they just can't control is David I, the only remaining uncorruptible thing. You'll notice Heath left out the fed, his favorite Ponzi scheme.

I will stab you. Or should I say Heath Burr left out the bed? All right, well, he's I at least I'm getting the picture here, the illuminati are in control. I mean, you just bow to their power. But what I want to know because you wrote this segue is, is there a pattern? Well, indeed, there is a pattern, Tom. Great question. Uh, the end of it was great anyway. I identify as what he calls the problem reaction solution technique. And this is how the secret cabal manipulates everything. Here's a few

examples to illustrate what he's talking about. So think about stuff like Columbine, 9-11, global warming, chemtrails, fluoride in the water supply, and the JFK assassination. Now they all have something in common. Brown people things happening to white people. It's really easy to sell books when you lie about those. Alex Jones decorates cakes on all those themes and then eats them shirtless and crying. All great answers, but also think back those events all involve a thing followed by another thing followed by another reaction solution. That's classic trademark aliens.

People too. They go thing thing all the time. To be fair, solution problem reaction is a nightmare to orchestrate. All right, well, that does narrow it down. I'm sold, obviously, but like, out of the aliens get the humans to, you know, do stuff if they don't want to do that stuff.

Yeah, that would kind of tricky, but it turns out the aliens actually hollowed out the moon, the moon's hollow. Yeah. And they're using it as a spaceship that amplifies the mind control signal that they're shooting from staff. I mean, they don't shoot it from the moon to amplify it. Right. Don't get it. Don't be stupid.

So yeah, apparently the fourth dimension also has a border with Saturn. Yeah. Um, and dimension does. Yeah. And there's a storm on the north pole. The side of the track. That's perfect. It's the prime control.

Which is the good side of the tracks of the fourth dimensional border with Saturn? I don't know. Just don't want to buy a home that's not going to be worth anything. That's all. Well, you want the up poll. It's the down vibrations. Or you would be okay. Right, right.

The North got it. Got it. From all the dimensions. So, and here's the thing with the storm on Saturn is the key. There's a storm and it's hexagonal. And anyone who's ever tried to run a mind control plot using, you know, a pentagonal storm like a fucking amateur. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It does not work. Well, you can get the converter at the airport, put your bulky cost of fortune. So Lizard juice standing at a Kiosk $30. Really? $30. I'm gonna buy 25 of these

for a dollar on Amazon and then I'm gonna forget them and I'll see you in a second. God, damn $30. All right, well that brings us to the final dot. Apparently the phase three profit of this whole operation is cannibalism and pedophilia. Nope. I quit the show or vice versa. Tom, think about it for a second. Pedophilia and cannibalism. Okay. All right.

I'm back in. He's back in. Okay. So just about everything David Hike says ends with, it ends with, okay. Okay. I know that sounds crazy, but hold on. Let me finish. Let me finish. And then Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and the other Jews all fuck some kids to death. And we say everything he says, we're including drink orders and shit.

Do you guys think there's anyone who's like on board until that who's like, oh, okay, really? Pizzagate, this guy's a fucking mad job. I'm gonna find someone to reliably report on Saturn's connection to the fourth dimension asshole. All right, so if you're that person, please write us in. We will put you on the show forever. You're perfect.

Please. So, yeah, one final note, David Ike's not just some crazy guy with the blog that 10 people read. That was absolutely the right key lie. David Ike is a crazy guy who sold hundreds of thousands of books and he gives lectures to literal stadiums of people and they actually believe the words coming out of his stupid fucking face. So according to a 2013 survey by the public policy polling group, 4% of Americans believe

that lizard people control our society. What? That's like 13 million people just in the US. Yeah, honestly, I'm more surprised at those 13 million people succeeded in filling out a surface of everything. All right, well, he's since I'm now going to kill myself in his spare. If you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence before I hang myself, what would it be?

Okay. one sentence before I hang myself. What would it be? Okay, if I ever become an intergalactic merchant, I'm going to stock up on downward sloping vibrations with negative derivatives, gold, julienne and little kids. Are you ready to face questions from our panel? I am ready. All right, all right. I got to start you off here. Which of your co-hosts is the only one of them that has not read a 900 page David ike book? Is it a the guy who tries to sound smart by keeping if the saris window open the whole time he writes his diatribe. Is it be the guy who tries to sound smart by standing really close to Cecil and somberly going. Is it see the guy who tries to sound smart by actually going

to college a whole bunch of times or is it D the guy who tries to sound stupid, but was the only one smart enough not to read 900 pages of David. Wow, Eli, that's Eli. I'm assuming is Steve. Never read David. Yeah. Did not read a top. You got room in that noose. Not the Bible. Okay. David, I guess a documentary on the internet called oblivion that we will eventually do on God awful movies and Tom and Caesar will be guests because I'm mentioning now Tweeting us about it until eventually everyone agrees to do it. How long is that? This is better Oh, this pants.

This answer. B.A. Where is God? Is it 45 minutes? They fucking better. He will end your life painfully. An hour and a half. It's a secret.

Two full hours or D. Oh, God damn you. Four hours of God damn you. Oh, okay. Hold on, hold on. Secret answer E. No god damn you. Okay, hold on hold on. Secret answer E, no matter how long it is, it's 45 minutes. He's still in screen. He's still in screen.

He's still in screen. He's still in screen. He's still in screen. I believe there's also one that's six hours and 42 minutes, which you didn't make. Jesus Christ. That is what. That is what. That is what.

That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is what. That is two parts together. This is the only one that is a single movie. That's one part of fucking bunch of idiots and we're gonna be lost for the second part. Not what's going on there.

That's on 24 hour straight marathon of David. Cecil got that one correct. I got it all. Yeah, exactly. All right, David like is obviously supremely qualified for so many jobs, ball kicking guy, guy who excites like talks about other guys who kicked the ball, Messiah sequel, writer of great exposés on the fourth dimensional motto and time at Gold Jew lizard conspiracy. What other jobs are in David Ike's future. Hey, pizza gateway computer tech. B, Sandy hookline and sinker bait shop.

See, he who smelt it, dealt it jet fuel salesman or G White House press secretary. Absolutely. D White House press secretary. We got to get him on right now. That would be beautiful with the two of them sharing the job. Perfect. Sure. All right, Heath. I expense a lot of time in his books talking about JFK.

What was JFK a member of? A, the Oregon donor society of America. B, hair trigger club for men. C, the empty chamber of commerce or D the bullet of the month. Very quick delivery. Oh, that last one. I feel like you want me to, you're trying to trick me because A, you know, he was like very sick me and none of his organs really worked and we didn't know that because he has in red through all of, you know, Eastern American society. but I think it's a, I think it's a, it's definitely not. It's empty chamber of commerce. I failed.

Wow. Eps. Eps. Eps. I've got a room. She's a wound. Hey, that's good. And how about Noah for next week? What do you say? Noah, you good? All right. Now I will toss here for Sarah for last week's Twitter answer in this week's Twitter question. Thanks, Tom. This week's assignment is right a high coup or David Ico, if you will, about David Ico.

High coup homes consist of three lines. The first and last lines of a high coup have five syllables and the middle line has seven syllables. Remember to retweet or Facebook share this episode with your haiku for a chance to be next week's winner. Back to you, Tom. All right, well, for Heath, Eli, Noah, and Cecil, I'm Tom. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week. And by then, Noah will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, fill your third hole with a little more of Eli, Noah, and Heath.

And if you've got a glory hole in your fourth dimension, plug it up with some more of seasonal eye over a cognitive disson. Remember, you should give us money. So, to do that, and keep the show going, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com-slash-notation-pod, or leave us a 5-star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to see it and touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes. Be sure to check out CitationPod.com. waste my Jill Steinvot.