Citation Needed - Erik Jan Hanussen

Episode Date: February 7, 2018

Erik Jan Hanussen, born Hermann Steinschneider (2 June 1889, in Vienna – 25 March 1933, in Berlin), was an Austrian Jewish publicist, charlatan and clairvoyant performer. Acclaimed in his lifetime as a hypnotist, mentalist, occultist, and astrologer, Hanussen was active in Weimar Republic Germany and also at the beginning of Nazi Germany. He is said to have instructed Adolf Hitler in performance and the achievement of dramatic effect.[1] Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

You just got to get into it. It's fun. And but, and none of the cards are real? Yeah, yeah, it's all online, none of them are real. No way. Okay, all right, you have freaking me out. I see a hospital room with two beds. Hey, guys, guys, what are you doing? Noah is reading our future.

I am freaking out right now. I am freaking out right now. I am freaking out right now. Right? Is this because the week's episode is on Eric, Jan, Honiston, Hitler's favorite mentalist? Does that why you're doing that? Yeah, yeah. No one knew about my stomach problems

and my high cholesterol and he even told us when we're gonna talk. I'm gonna go out and buy that charm right now. How could you've known about my hemorrhoids? So the health insurance physicals came in, huh? Yeah, sure did, Cecil. They sure did. Hello? Oh, welcome to Citations Needed! The podcast where we choose a subject, we do single article about it on Wikipedia, pretend

we're experts. Because this is the internet. That's how it works now. I'm Tom and I'll be pulling the rabbit of truth out of the head of ignorance, but in order to do that I'll need some lovely assistance. But I don't have any of those, so I'm going to use these guys. First up are two men who thought they knew magic at one point in their lives sometime. Noah and Eli. Hey, hey, hey, I could make a woman's clothes disappear with tarot cards and palmistry Tom

I was 19 that was the only magic trick that mattered I'll show you Tom lightning bolt lightning bolt Cecil did you put in the lighting lighting bolt sound effects that i asked for all i sure did buddy you bet that's a terrifying also joining us tonight to men so excited about magic you think they just been paid off by david blaine that's it

we're like black people but without the crippling fear yeah of magic i'd like to have it's a positive i think that this is unfair i don't run screaming from magic tricks. I do clappy claps. You see. It does. Sure it is clappy clips. Now before we saw all the lady in two tonight, I'd like to thank our Patron.

Without you, this show would disappear like magic, which is to say nobody would notice. I mean, like to learn to join the ranks. Be sure to stick around till the end of the show. Without the way, tell us. Heath, what person plays thing, concept, phenomenon or event? Well, we'd be talking about today. Well, it's Eli's turn, which means we're going to hear about another fucking magician. So yeah, it's this Eric Jan Nuson, Haneson, whatever.

Awesome. Eli, you undoubtedly already knew this story. Couldn't be bothered to learn anything new. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Janison. I pronounce that Janison. Janison. Eric Janison. Who was Eric Janison? He was Hitler's favorite Jewish mind reader. All right. So I've in charge of the lying limit. That's me because I feel like I've got the outro music here on my computer. I do the backup.

I'm back up. I have just begun. No, I have just begun. He gave Hitler speaking lessons, predicted the Reichstag fire and was killed by the essay. In short, he was great at two thirds of his job. All right. So I'm not in charge of that.

All right. Fine. Eli, gaze into your crystal ball and tell us this story. So born in Vienna on June 2nd in 1889, Jan Hansen's real name was Ermann Erschhochheim Steinschneider. Hansen's logger, Siegfried Steinschneider was an victor and caretaker of a synagogue who married Antoine Julie Kohn,

a singer in Vienna, Austria. Send your German pronunciation corrections to citation pod. You know, you choose the subject, Eli. You do this. You can do one about people named Chuck and Dave. Don't give them that advice. This is amazing. Continue, Eli.

Continue pronouncing things. I love you. Ignore the haters. Thank you. Thank you. You give me strength. You raise me up. As a child, Harnessons parents traveled through Austria and Italy with acting, musical, and pre-Vodvilleian troops taking Harnessons with them. In 1903, he pawned his bar mitzvah watch and joined a traveling circus. He was a pay to play. I was like, why?

But by 1910, he was writing cabaret jingles and tabloid journalism in Vienna. That's a weird double major. Yeah. So inventor of fake news. I knew it was Nazis. I knew it all. It was while researching the secrets of telepathy for an expose on Leo Rubini, a reigning Jewish stage magician that he discovered he could actually perform Rubini's mentalism tricks better than his subject. So during the World War I, Hanna said dazzled audiences with a telepathy and circus show routine.

By 1918, he was filling the Vienna concert halls,os night after night where he was built as Europe's greatest clairvoyant. He's just sitting on a shelf next to the world's most effective homeopathic treatment. Yeah, Elfana shelf used to be weird. Yeah, weirder. Yeah, weirder. Yeah, weirder. Yeah.

Right. But it's CVS. Yeah. So, Jan Hanneson was possibly Europe's best known mind reader by the time he set himself up in Berlin after the war. He opened a private psychic consultation parlor which was a huge success. His prices were through the roof, further proof that he was Jewish, but Hannison's reputation and his wealthy famous clients allowed him to charge whatever he wanted.

Oh, it's kind of like Halliburton, lovely. Or Stormy Daniels. Sure. So, Hanna's ensued countered among his clients the cultural elite of the city. Among them, singer and stage in Pricario Leo Slesak, opera great Richard Taubur, film Starlit Lillian Harvey, expressionist playwright Ernst Toller, and the up and coming Jewish Hungarian actor Peter Laurie, who listeners will remember from movies like M and Casablanca.

Honeston was rarely seen without a glamorous and beautiful Berliner actress on his arm. So he knew all the famous people he could think of. What are the odds? Honeston became a multi-millionaire in Germany in the 1930s. So, super duper rich in today's money. But just like upper middle class for a Jew. Yeah, no, absolutely. I'm sure his mother always reminded him that like her sister's son was a doctor whenever

he visited. There's no question. So, with his new wealth, he bought an abandoned sanatorium where he offered a variety of occult services, including a hormonal cream which he invented to increase male virility and female desire. Oh, that's the same cream Bill Cosby puts in coffee. Yeah, right. He had several fancy cars, seven apartments, and the largest yacht in Berlin,

which he named the S.L.F.A. and traveled with no less than six armed bodyguards. Or wouldn't be an aderman at the time. Yeah. Four. Four. Carl, you went on the fights as a death, like Goodbody Gods, right?

I mean, what else do you do with them? Yeah, right, no exactly, because you're clairvoyant, right? I mean, what else do you do with them? Yeah, right. No, exactly because you're clairvoyant. Right? I mean, if clairvoyant got in trouble, couldn't he just not have been there then? You just sit too fucking bodyguards beside him. It's like, man, that's kind of a dead giveaway, bro.

Yeah, he's probably wasting these bodyguards by not having them play gladiators. So what other wasted opportunities did he have? Well, here's a quote from Mel Gordon's article, Hitler's Jewish Psychic quote, Hodgson's yacht was the scene of lavish feasts where drugs were offered that even sophisticated perlenders who were quite familiar with the enchantments of cocaine didn't know about. Naked women and exotic young boys performed shocking reviews. Sometimes after midnight, Hannison demonstrated one of his specialties, his ability to hypnotize

women into sexual frenzy and then sustained orgasm. Faked news. Even for a Berlin accustomed to debauched nighttime displays, Hannison was considered phenomenal over the top, end quote. Some dude full of Coke volunteers for the orgasm trick, it's just like four hours of grunt and dry disappointment. I love that one of his magic tricks was making a woman come.

I'm just like a snooty guy sitting in the audience. There's obviously a battery inside the dildo, that's where you. That's where you. I'm suddenly much more interested in slight of hand because here I was trying slight of finger the whole time. Yeah, no, no, I'm never gonna do it. You need to find the right girl and do it, slight of fists. That's the key.

So in 1931, Jan Harnessin purchases a Braselow printing company and launches and a cult journal called Harnessin Magasin. No, in addition to Horus Scopes and a little France. Yeah, I don't know how to do a German accent with the word magazine. Makasin. I ain't got a strategy.

I'm a magazine. Yeah, it just comes out Japanese. I don't know why. Makasan! All right, anyways, in addition to horoscopes, psychic advice, and occult tips, subscribers to Hanneson, Makasan, we're allowed to apply for memberships

in the secretive Hanneson society, where they would buy tickets to Hanneson show at a steep discount, Jolene Clairvoyant workshops and groups associated with the magazine, and maybe, just maybe, get an invitation by Jan Hanneson himself to one of those sexy boat parties. And its peak, Hanneson, Pakistan, had hundreds of thousands of subscribers. Or, as we like to call it, 29.5 citation needed. So they probably had similar cover art to skeptic magazine, actually.

Skeptic magazine. Is that the one that just says Weinstein, Weinstein, Uber Alice? Is that the one? But see, Yannisson had a problem, even though he was rich and famous, like all magicians, nobody respected it. I mean, think about it. How many seconds could you hang around David Blaine before you would make fun of zero zero

second zero I know zero if I knew I was hanging out with him like tomorrow I would start in advance right and I'm going out with David Blaine it takes zero seconds trust me okay well that's a weird name drop David Blaine you want to tell us about your good friend Gallagher next No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He wanted to be known as in her Exactly, but he wanted to be known But he wanted to be known as an intellectual and influencer a kingmaker So on March 25th 1932 Honison issued his first ever electoral Premonition and spoiler alert it goes better for him than it did Nate Silver.

Except in this case, 538 is the temperature you have to get the ovens up. The headline in the magazine read, Harnessin in Trance predicts Hitler's future. So in it, Harnessin claimed that Adolf Hitler, who you have to remember at the time was still a house painter without German citizenship papers, would not only be appointed right Chancellor in exactly one year's time, but it would be Hitler's greatest enemies that would elect him. Jill Stein? Is that your talking about?

Now, I should clarify again that in 1932 this was an absolutely batshit insane prediction. I mean, most people thought Hitler was a nut job who was way too obsessed with Jews, he was pitching a racist pseudo science to his band of ever diminishing thugs and supporters. And it was even rumored that his own party planned to oust him before the election. Are we sure, Jan Hannison was talking about their election? I need a minute. I need a minute. Sorry. Okay. All right. I need a minute, sorry. Okay, all right, all right, all right. He like, he like, well, relax.

Well, he like, breeze into a paper bag, we're gonna take a quick break for everyone's favorite use to the interstitial music, apropos of nothing. MUZIEK Hi, men! Mijn baby boy! Hey, mom, hey dad! Ach, zo thin! Are they feeding you in Berlin?

Maam, stop! Weeft de boy alone, niel, heet, wanneer hij eet, zo, tell me, house business, house business. Good, good. Quite a few people are subscribing to the magazine now. It's doing well. Oh, that reminds me. You know who signed up for your little magazine?

Fanny Frazier, you should write her a thank you card. And it was all hard. I mean, mom, we have like 200,000 people. And you never have a bad idea to say thank you. Oh, cool. Thank you. Cool. Cool.

So any exciting new clients? Yeah, actually, Peter Laurie, some authors, Adolf Hitler. Adolf Hitler, the fellow that wants to kill us all. Harmon, Harshal, Hayam, Stein Schneider. Guys, no, Adolf really isn't that bad. Oh, it's Adolf off now because your friends with this Putz I mean I know it's not I need to sit down my heart is breaking my own son Go holding with the man that would seek to kill the Jews that's seriously what for how much money do you sell out your own people?

I mean like a thousand bucks a week. Oh well then. That's my boy Okay, I'm gonna go make you some soup. I'm fine mom. I'm fine. Still braised straighter That's great. We're just gonna let that hate mail from our listener roll in. That was Eli doing all of our voices. He's allowed to say all of that. And now that Eli has thrown up twice out of panic, I think we're ready to get back and we're certainly into our story. Eli, you feeling better? I'm going to find better. No.

All right. Very well. Show us go on. Yeah. Yeah. We don't really hate to disappoint that listener. Thanks, Eli's mom. Thank you All your soup. Yeah, so like I said before the break Everybody thought Hanna's prediction was total bullshit Everybody except for Hitler and the Nazi see like Hanna's and Adolf Hitler was obsessed with the occult and based much of his ideas about the Connison, Adolf Hitler was obsessed with the occult and based much of his ideas about the Aryan race and the ubermensch on southern German folk superstitions. He was also really into magic eight balls and like shake it. Will I kill all the Jews?

Huh, concentrate and ask again. That's an actual answer for you. I want to be super clear here because of the proximity, basing much of their ideas on folk superstition is the only similarity between Eli's mom and Hitler, other than that there. Right. So the Nazi press ran with the story of Hanson's premonition under the headline, Hanson, the man who is never wrong.

And while Hitler lost the next presidential election by six million votes, as we know that doesn't fucking matter for how shit turns out. And Hanna's in was welcomed with open arms into the Nazi fold. And Hitler would have won if there were three million illegal Jewish votes. So that's why you need an electoral college.

Otherwise, Nazis have no chance. There's too much anti-Nazi urban bias. It's not wait a second. Wait a second. You can have a crazy racist unqualified underdog win in a country without an electoral college. Facebook done lied to me, y'all. I'm kind of different.

Might have a different problem. So in June of 1932, Wolf Harold Dorf, a Nazi official and regular at Honestyson's yacht parties, offered to introduce him to Hitler, who'd been meaning to thank him for the prediction anyway. So Honeyson is obviously over the moon, gives a huge donation to the SA fund, and perhaps more importantly, paid off some of Herldorf's more embarrassing debts. Oh, okay. So, girls gone wild, kept sending him tapes because he didn't turn off the auto pay and

They thought they were sending free ones and a giant embarrassing box and then they just couldn't throw out So he hit him at his parents house, but they found the box and Now they tell that story every time they meet a girlfriend nice Yeah, that reminds you I think I'm still signed up with that credit card. I swiped for my dad. I got to find where those boxes are going. And a VCR. So Hitler and Hanneson get along like gangbusters so well. In fact, that they were nicknamed by friends and family, the two ages. They were born just 43 days apart, which, Hanneson, a short Hitler had great significance

and tied their fates with blood, man, Jake. Remember that, it's gonna come back later. They came from similar backgrounds, both were neglected and ran away to Vienna where they wanted to be artists. They both loved amusement parks and they even served in the same position on the same side in World War One.

The same position. They both loved reverse cowgirls. That is the position you're referring to, right? That's the men of their words. So there was one little problem with their budding bromance. Hitler wasn't a huge fan of Jews. But he didn't know that Hanneson was Jewish. Hanneson told everyone he was the son of an aristocratic Danish family, a lie that was only complicated slightly by the fact that he didn't know any Danish.

So by the summer of 1932, Hitler met with Henneson weekly. He trotted his horoscope, gave him voice and speech lessons, and in exchange, Hitler promised him power and the directorship of the Aryan College of the Occult Arts when it opened. Yeah, and he was gonna make him head quidditch coach too. Okay, he really wanted care of Jewish creatures, but that position was taken. But see, see, unlike today, in 1932, pallying around with Nazis got you in trouble.

Now it makes you a classical libout. Oh, shit. So the communist press went after Hanneson in a huge way. He was so worried about a plot on his life that he actually replaced his bodyguards with essay out of fear and began to incorporate Nazi symbols into his magazine so that his alliances were clear. However, it wasn't long until his secret got out. Remember all those actresses and sexy boat parties?

Well, some of the ladies present couldn't keep to themselves that the so-called Aryan Prophet had a circumcised penis. Wait a minute. I'm a Jew. Where's my fucking money now? You know, right? But since I see so you're not at you, they just nipped the tips of a look better and women would still blow you.

No. I mean, it's a weird thank you, card. You're going to have to get for your mom now. So not the actress pulls a fake foreskin off his dick, like it's a mask at the end of Scooby Doo's. It was the old man. June. On the last minute.

Either way, on August 14th, an expose of Hottasyn's origins ran in a popular communist paper. In addition, the editor of that paper sent a personal letter to Joseph Gerbos stating that Hannison was a full-blooded Jew, the nephew of a rabbi, which Goebbels reprinted in his paper, Dear Encryph, where Hannison was described as a Chek Jew. Yeah, soon to be canceled, Chek Jew. And after they throw him out of the party, he'll be about to check it.

So this comes out. Count Heldorf, who at this time was the head of Berlin's essay is terrified by the news. Not only had he introduced this Jew to Hitler, but he let him pay off his debts and everybody knew it. So he runs, he visits Hanna's private office where Hanna's stuck to his story said that he was a Danish noble, but after his parents had died in a mountain climbing accident, he'd been adopted by a Jewish couple in a nearby village. I'd say, no, I'm like tarzan, but with Jews, time like the shoot, tarz, man, those are way different stories, right? This keeps going to Africa getting stuck on a toilet for six days. You're like, well, fuck, we're gonna have to.

Okay, all right, all right. But I're gonna have to. Okay. All right. But I feel like that's standard for Africa. All right. Show country. Am I right? Then, Hanson shows Heldorf's forged adoption papers, which Heldorf shows to Gurbals, who didn't buy it, but issued a retraction in his paper anyway. The problem with this was that Jan Hanson had just trapped himself.

See, against all odds, Hitler was rising in power. Hotties and Jewish staff and crew were getting the fuck out of Berlin. They were changing their bank accounts to Swiss ones and leaving the country, but Hotties and was now stuck in his lie and couldn't get away. That's got to be an awkward line at the Swiss bank, just a bunch of Jews with all their luggage and then Nazi officers with big bricks of gold. They're just like pretending to be. You guys thank you or two? I really does sound awkward and, you know, avoiding awkward situations is what World War two was really all about. So,

what are Harness and so. So things wouldn't get weird, you know. Well, Tom, he doubled the fuck down. He bought a mansion right in the middle of Berlin converted it to a brand new venue called the Palace of the Occult. And then on January 30th, 1933, Jan Hanneson's prediction comes true. Hitler is made Reich Chancellor of Germany by none other than his greatest enemy, President Hindenburg himself, a name that would forever be associated with bad fucking decisions. Hey, look, and we filled that blood with venomous scorpions that wouldn't float, okay? We did the best we could.

As the history buffs in our audience will know, the communists were not happy about this and took to the streets in protest. So the Nazis came up with a secret plan to frame them with an exaggerated act of violence to cement their power and make it seem like the violence was on both sides. Cecil, tell me you see it. You see it, right? Sweet Cecil. Sweet Cecil.

Look, you see violence. I see fine people on both sides. Fine people people to go to row with the presidential retweets. Yeah. Yeah. At least the voter turnout was nice and high in 1933. It's like 89. And of all the third party votes went to auto wells, the second place guy, he beats Hitler. Joe Stein voters are exactly the same as Nazis. Exactly the same. So for those out of the loop, I'm talking about the Reichstag fire.

Okay. Am I the only one that feels like we're veering way the fuck off subject here? I feel like this ends 16 hours from now with you talking about piles of bones, picked cleans by birds and pronouncing again, like it has a bunch of ease in it. Yeah, okay. Eli, you're losing Noah. You're losing Noah. You're losing Noah. All right, that's not easy to do. What did John Manet Ramsey do next? I'm not allowed to do this one. So I'm doing this one. All right, so rumors abound that in order to cement himself in Hitler's good graces, Hanna, not only comes up with the plan to burn down the Reichstag and frame a communist,

but finds and hypnotizes Maranou Van D'Aleub to make him do it. These rumors, by the way, are almost certainly not true. Are we hedging with almost Eli? So that almost in there, we keep in the almost home. Yeah, sure. Next thing Eli is going to say that hipmitism porn isn't really there. Okay. You're getting very sleepy.

You will have a female orgasm. So it's much more likely that the essay did it blamed Vanderloob who was a drifter and mentally impaired, but Hannison definitely knew about the plot, and that would be his undoing. How? I'll tell you. So, the Wikipedia does not do this part of the story just this at all, but Mel Gordon's book,

which I had already read before this episode, Honestyn Hitler's Jewish clairvoyant does. Gee, I wonder why Wikipedia leaves this part out, Eli. The night before the Reichstag fire. Stop talking like you're saying real things. Just talk, no, I'm saying like we know your line. You want to argue with Mel Gordon, Mel Gordon, Mr. Doctor, Mel Gordon of law. The night before the Reichstag fire, Hanneson holds a say-nance at his palisity of the

economy, exclusively for a slew of invited reporters and the elite of Germany, which includes his good friend, Heldorf. He hypnotizes people, he tells some horoscopes, moves some shit, but he concludes the evening with a series of personal readings. And when he gets to Heldorf, he stops. He pauses for what seems like an eternity. And he says, I see a great house in golfed in flame.

And then he moves on. Heldorf doesn't move or say a word for the rest of the night. You have a flashlight on your face as your talent is part. It gets so much worse. You are not ranny. Just like when we canceled Jade Helm right after Alex Jones called it. Was your card the burning down the Reichstag building tomorrow? Again, the Reichstag fire broke out 20 hours later. Van der Lubis caught and confesses Hitler used the fire to outlaw the Communist Party. And then in 1933, issues a series of laws with the same excuse that would cement his power and give birth to the third Reich as we know and that birth with something they had to force labor

Now Eli can I just pause for a moment and point out that you are now sharing a story About how a magical Jew is kind of responsible for the third right. Okay. All right. We got to move on. Move away from that question. Nobody pay attention to that question.

What happened to him? Not to your question. What happened? As you can imagine, Helldorf is not pleased with the stunt. Gerbels has already pissed off at him because he made him print a retraction. He thinks he's a Jew. Quite a few people in the essay owe him money, and on top of all that, there are rumors that Honison

has been filming Nazi orgies on his boat. What, wait, rumors? Can you make a camera from 1933, hidden? Right? What? Why is that little person sitting in your hat turning a crown? That's not, that's not, that's not,

just keep doing the fuck party with the Coke. Cool. Exactly. That's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. Oh, it's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that.

It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that.

It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. Right? I did. I did. But I have one last piece to add that is almost certainly a lie, but it is too good not to. Again, with the almost here. Okay.

So those who remember my chungling su episode will remember Christopher Millbourne. Christopher Millbourne wrote the illustrated history of magic. And in an ending, so obviously bullshit that it was actually removed from later editions of the illustrated history of magic, this is the story of Hanuman's execution. So like many during the rise of the Nazi, Hanuman was actually forced to shoot himself to make it look like a suicide. So the essay wouldn't have to investigate the murder. And the story goes that the fjurer was so offended that his former friend had lied to him about being a Jew and possibly

blackmailed his officers and nearly undone his plot that he attended Hanna's execution himself. It's nice to have a friend to share special moments with. So at this point, Hanna's been tortured for hours. He's confessed to everything. He's led bloodly out into this courtyard near this forest where Hitler himself is waiting. Hoping for mercy, Hannison begs his old friend and student to spare him, but instead, Hitler hands him a pistol with a single bullet. Please tell me he asks for three bullets and goes deer hunter. Right.

Nobody catches him in his teeth. It's all better than that. So according to the story, Honiston looks down at the gun, touches his own blood, touches Hitler's hand, and quotes Hebrews 10 30. It is mine to avenge, I will repay. He then shoots himself and this is important

on the left side of his head, because Hanna's son is left-handed, but Hitler is not a dumb fucking story. Why wait for the afterlife for a avenge? You literally have a loaded gun here, and I don't get to shoot it. I don't get to shoot it. He's right on the head.

I will tell you because exactly this is true. Exactly 12 years, one month and 13 days later, almost exactly the difference in their almost exact almost exactly. Blood magic nearly exactly. So what close? It's close to the perfect off by a couple days. You should your horse. you shoot your horse,

you shoot your horse. You don't know. And most exactly the difference in their birthdays, Adolf Hitler shoots him mostly. Adolf Hitler, the head of the Nazis shoots himself in a bunker with one odd detail out of place. Adolf Hitler shot himself on the left side of his head. And that's true.

Yeah, fun facts. Averbron's granddaughter is Courtney Love. It's all wonderful. Oh, it's beautiful. Another cool fact, if you stand in a dark washroom and chant bloody Hitler five times, you'll see the Republican logo form on the floor. I'm not sure. All right.

If you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? Kill. In 2020. No. Jesus. How about something in the season? Won't have to beat out because it's a felony. Jesus.

Don't shoot the messenger of God. All right. So Eli, after this is all over, people are going to go scour porn hub for the porn that Eric Yann Hanoeson filmed on his boat. When it was released by up her axis. Let's see. Jordan showers. Be land war in Asia Carrera. See, Clitz Cree. That's excellent.

That's excellent. Or D hot ghetto chicks four starring gas chambers. It's see, hot ghetto chicks for starring gas chambers. Oh, it's sea. That's more attention paid to the clip that any porn I've ever seen. All right. So what are some early warning signs that the magazine that you're subscribing to has started aligning with the Nazis?

A, the solution to last month's crossword puzzle is noted as being final for some reason. Oh, B, it buys stormy Daniel's story before the election and then never runs it. Oh, I'm gonna do that. C, there's a recipe in it that just says, preheat oven to 800 degrees and then you know have it ready Or is it D it invades pull?

I'm gonna go with B it buys stormy Daniel's story before the election, but doesn't run it Yeah, no, you're wrong. I guess because I went last All right, well no you stumped Eli first. You get to take over his host the next week and you get to choose the essay. Well, you know, he was just telling me other day that he has so much extra free time. I'm going to go ahead and hand that honor to Heath. Yeah. All right.

Well, Heath, it is bet the story is less full of shit. So, before we go, I'll toss it over to Sarah for last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question. So, the Twitter go cost it over to Sarah for last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question. Thanks, Tom. Last week's assignment was write a hi-ku about Charles Ponzi and the best one came from Benjamin Durham on Twitter. I stole your money, but I can get it all back.

Two words, Mary Kay. This week's question is, who is Trump's favorite magician and why? Just retweet or Facebook share this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner. Back to you, Tom. All right, well, for Eli, know a Seaslin Heath I'm Tom. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by that heat will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, if you'd like to hear two best friends laugh on the face of all that is foolish, you can listen to Cecil and I over-cognitive dissonance.

And if you'd like to hear all that is foolish, laugh on the face of three best friends, check out God awful movies, this is Gating Atheist, The Skeptocrat, or be the very first person to care about Eli's blogs. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com, slash citation pod, or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citation pod dot com. And remember, nothing says love like a series of heart-felt apologies. Hey Eli. What's up Noah? It's about your assays. Yeah? Well I was wondering if they were

just gonna keep being so um not very true. I mean I wouldn't really consider them. I mean are they all gonna just be this Colorful look I like a good story and if that means that occasionally I thought okay, okay, I thought so I Will repay Google YouTube buddy. Oh, Google YouTube Ooga boogie YouTube, buddy. Ooga boogie YouTube.