Citation Needed - Frank Dux

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Frank William Dux ( /ˈdjuːks/; born April 6, 1956) is a Canadian-American martial artist and fight choreographer. According to Dux, a ninjutsu expert named Senzo Tanaka trained him as a ninja when he was a teenager. He established his own school of ninjutsu called Dux Ryu Ninjutsu, and has said he won a secret martial arts tournament called the Kumite in 1975. He was all the way lying about this, but his alleged victory at the Kumite served as the inspiration for the 1988 film Bloodsport starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. Dux's victory at the Kumite has been disputed, as has the existence of both the Kumite he described and Senzo Tanaka.

Dude, garlic bread is garlic butter on bread and then you bake it. Okay, well then I'm making cheesy garlic bread. You're making a pizza is what you're making man. Dude, did they break? Oh, they sure did Tom. Incredible. Dude, you have to teach us. Someday, Grasshopper.

Someday. Hey guys, what's you doing? What's at the karate get up stuff? Okay. First of all, Grasshopper. This is a grasshopper and it's the mark of an ancient master of the martial art. It says spirit of Halloween on the tag. Second, I was showing off my karate skills for Grasshopper and Grasshopper here. Okay, it is awesome. He just broke 40 invisible bricks with a single karate chop. Sorry, invisible bricks. Yes, Grasshopper. Yeah, Eli says they are the most difficult bricks to break because you can't even see them. It's true. So your karate, karate. Right. Okay. That's like super fast, lightning reflexes,

all that stuff, right? Oh, for sure. I mean, if one were to try to attack me, not Jack. Oh, right in the grasshopper. I don't think he's using that term correctly. Well, it could be. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where you choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet. That's how it works now. I'm Cecil and I'll be the master of this kumate, but I'll need my contestants.

I'm going to chant that every time. First up, creators of the Irish liver, keith and hum. Sweet the keg. Swing the cake. You know, I do sometimes think about giving my liver a break, but mercy is for the week. That's true. Also, joining us tonight, two masters, one of blunt, forced trauma and the other of Eli. I know what they say. Hi. Yeah. Hi. Yeah. Well, the chairs from the crowd are certainly nice. It's the patrons that really run this show. We can't thank you enough for helping keep it going week after week. If you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Eli, what person place thing, concept phenomenon

or event we'll be talking about today. What we talking about Frank, do. Okay. Who was Frank do? Well, depending on who you believe, he was either an international spy for the CIA, master martial artist, War Hero, the first Western winner of the famous underground no holds barred martial arts tournament known as the Gummite, and the last in the line of 40 generations of ninja. Or he's a big ol' liar pants.

Either way, his story was the inspiration for the Jean-Claude Van Dam classic blood sport. And he is a fascinating dude. Okay, not that I don't appreciate you including any light, but the whole, maybe this is true, maybe it's a lie thing is sort of assumed as soon as the audience realizes you're doing the essay. We know. Every episode is someone's first episode. No, I'm helping out here. I want to point out right here at the start that Frank do is still alive and still lows.

Karate maybe. So my official position, my position is going to be that of neutrality, but any of the less wedgible members of our cast and our audience may feel free to draw their own conclusions. Please don't karate chop me. Frank do please karate chop me Frank do I will lose that fight. I don't care. It would be a great story. I'm going to say dukes from now on the whole time because that's in the movie. I am not at all worried. I've been carrying out pocket sand for years for just such an occasion. Now, that is his weakness. So Frank William Dew was born on April 6th of 1956 in Toronto, Canada, but moved to California with his family when he was just seven years old. Okay, so that's, that's mid-60s. Okay, I'm, I'm fine with him.

Karate Chopin, you know, too. Yes, but his father Alfred, according to Dew, fought against the Nazis as an agent of both Mossad and a member of the infamous Jewish Brigade, and would, according to do, fought against the Nazis as an agent of both Mossad and a member of the infamous Jewish brigade. And would, according to do, play games with me to expand my awareness." And quote, adding, sometimes he would throw things at me unexpectedly to improve my reflex system. I should mention here that author Robert Allison has pointed out that Frank's dad actually

couldn't have joined massage before the Second World War as the agency was a time travel after as far as we know. And that the Jewish brigade was not formed until several years after do said that his dad was in it. Spoiler alert, that's pretty much the whole episode. So, you need a TLDR. It was that paragraph. When he threw shit at him to test to improve their reflex, I hope my kids think of me this charitably like, you know, sometimes my dad would just like close the door to his room for hours and ignore us. To teach me self-sufficiency.

Yeah. So, do describe himself as a joke all through high school. That is, until he was taken under the wing of none other than Ninja Master, Sanzo Tiger, Tanaka. Last in the line of 40 generations of Ninja Masters, who saw promise in a random high school youngster and took him to the mountains of Japan for training in the deadly and ancient art of

ninja tsu mountain two got it as as Frank writes in his autobiography quote As Frank writes in his autobiography, quote, there, the boys outstanding ability shocked and pleased the Ninja community when he tested for the right to call himself Ninja. He went to autobiography in the third person. Look, yeah, it's not a legally protected tower. You're going to be certified. Okay, was all this before or after he threw his bike in the dumpster after failing out of ninja classes at the Y. Now, this may shock you all to your very core, but none of that

appears to be true. No Frank claims that Tiger Tanaka died on July 30th of 1975 and was buried in California by a clan of his closest ninja students. State of California lists no deaths under the Tanaka name in the 1970s. Grandmaster and ninja historian, Choto Tanamura, has said of the alleged Mr. Tanaka, quote, there is not Mr. Tanaka in Japanese history. Many crazy guys stand up as ninja masters. Not adding Frank do. I'm talking about Frank do right now.

Wait, you're saying shadowy communities and ninjas on mountain tops don't exist. I don't even know what to believe anymore. Okay, just to be clear about what happened there in this story, what actually happened. Some random guy in California made up a fake name and took a child to a remote cabin in the mountains of Japan. And when plan A didn't work out, the guy was like, oh, just kick that tree. You're an engineer. You've just described the best case scenario. So according to Frank, these seeming holes in

his story is a cover up, of course, by the CIA, the other ninja clans and black belt magazine. More on that in a second. Ah, yes, that famous synergy of conspiratorial cover ups the central intelligence agency and black belt magazine but guys if there's no record of this dude yeah maybe he doesn't exist but also like maybe he's the best ninja maybe it's such a ninja thing to disappear even in death if you were a really well-known ninja, would you be a ninja star? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Mountain Dew code red bell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there actually is a president you'd be ninja Biden. I love that I got immediately. So there is actually a record of a guy named senzo Tanaka. It's a fictional character in Ian Fleming's James Bond novel, you only live twice. Okay. Where there's a ninja commander named senzo tiger Tanaka. When Doe was questioned about this coincidence, he explained that that was because Fleming based his characters on real people.

Oh, I based my faker person off of fake person that was based off a real person. It's the rule of threes. Look it up. It's looped back around to real guy. At this point, okay. So anyway, yeah, I killed a dragon named Smog right after that. Got in trouble. A lawyer named Atticus.

I got up by Atticus. I'm the great got me. I don't know what's happening. Pirate name, Ragnar. In 1975, do enrolled in the Marines for those paying attention. That was the year that the alleged Mr. Tanaka allegedly died and his alleged final wish was for Frank to participate in the infamous underground martial arts tournament, The Kumate. So remember how I put a pin in Black Belt magazine? Well, it was actually a guy named John Stewart's infamous article in Black Belt magazine that

Frank do first told the story of the Kumite and that's where the world first learned about it. The article, as you can imagine, was widely spread, even beyond the, you know, divorce dads that usually make up Black Belt magazines. And that, along with a letter of recommendation from the author of the article, is how Frank's story ended up being the topic of a Hollywood movie. With a letter of recommendation from the author about the article he authored to whom it may concern. Yep, that happened.

So, literally, the guy who got paid to say that it happened. Yeah. Literally that. Yeah. So, here's how that article in Black Belt magazine begins, which by the way, you should absolutely read. It's everywhere and it's fucking batshit. Here's the first paragraph. For years, the rumors have circulated. Those with an ear to the ground have heard fantastic tales of an invisible organization, an organization that sponsors an international no no-hold-spark tournament, pitting dedicated martial artists of all arts against each other in bare knuckle Huma Tay.

What? What's the grapevine where you would put your ear to the ground and hear that? Just playing it against a locker and karate class? Do you guys hear about any flex. No, man, we're seven year olds. Any of you fat kids who your dad is really hoping getting shaped from this activity? You're about to come and say lately. All right, I'll see you later. You like, okay, continuing.

According to the whispers, this kumatay takes place at a secret location once every five years. Teams from thousands of countries are alleged to be transported to a secluded location to compete against other martial artists of all styles, providing feedback on new techniques and putting traditional favorites to a very real test. And for a variety of reasons, including legal reasons, the organizers are said to extract a written promise of silence from each participant. Regardless of the outcome, competitors are not permitted to talk about what they saw and experienced. The first rule. None of them do. Fantastic exaggeration, perhaps,

totally impossible. Not at all. Because one member of the organization has received permission to talk publicly about such an event. The martial arts world may gain an insight into the reality that has fueled these continuing rumors. And although it may come as a shock to some that these rumors have a basis, in fact, the actual truth is not so startling as it would seem at first. And Quoam. truth is not so startling as it would seem at first and quom. And guys, I know this sounds like a conspiracy theory,

but I have cute level comments to talk about it. Okay, why would they have that exception for the one guy? Yeah, they're just like reading their own bylaws. Okay, yeah, so okay, don't fight. Don't talk about if I club got it, but rule number 37, if a guy ninjas really hard, he could do one article. Who would that be?

Why would that? She says it's a lot of different. 37 if a guy ninjas really hard you can do one article She says I'm never a good sign when your entire opening paragraph is filled with variations on I know it sounds like I'm Full of shit, but hear me out I like that he is the phrase very real Or he negated totally impossible partially partially impossible, sure, not totally possible, though. So it's at this point in the article that Black Belt magazine introduces Frank, who is described in that article as quote, having compiled a distinguished military career in Vietnam, pin in that. And Frank describes the tournament in excruciating detail.

He talks about the rules, the playing surface, the tactics the competitors had to use. Even the organization behind the tournament, the international fighting arts organization or the IFAO or the IFAO or the IFAO pin in that as well. Wait, the playing surface. Was that not the ground? The ground? Okay, guys, it says here we are fighting to the death and then bloody hand-to-hand combat,

but oh, it's actually in a dance club filled with bubbles. That's a nice touch. Okay, if you've seen the movie, you know it's the movie. He's like, I can't. For no reason. It's like a big craftmatic adjustment bed that everybody fights on. But here's the best part. And then when you fall, the gaffer scrub it.

But I didn't include this, but according to the article, they do it on a different surface every time. So like one year it was in mud and the other year it was on a roof. Yeah. surface every time. So like one year it was in mud and the fire it was on a roof. Yeah, so like like that's why he describes he's like, yeah, no, it was a it was a fucking numb dramatic bad this time, but trust me before it was on a roof. Wait, so they like pulled a curtain and everybody's like, oh my god. Like I'm like, I am just in order to fight on an air mattress full of chinchillas. Holy

shit. What? Yes, it's it's karate chopped. Okay, you got to read this article. So going to Frank, he was the first westerner ever to win the Kumite, which is probably why they let him talk about it. Kale Ken, he also set world records during that Kumite, including the most consecutive knockouts, 56, and the fastest punch with a knockout, 0.12 seconds. Okay, arguing about this punch is like 300 hours of my childhood.

I was like, fuck whether or not it's true. What would that even mean? Okay, my friends thought it meant like we would time each it. So it'd be like, okay, I'm going to start, I'm going to start my punch, you guys time it. And it was like, one to three, go, one to three, go, and it was like, I time each it so be like, okay, I'm gonna start I'm gonna start my punch you guys time it and it was like one to three go one to three I was like I was like I was point eleven. No, it's point eleven. I did it So he offered his proof of the Cumete paper work of the IFFO and Referred press to fellow competitors at the tournament who verified his story

He even had a trophy that he was awarded because the secret underground martial arts tournament is the winner of big trophy. Yeah. And the trophy says Michigan man of the year. I spent just some guy only had 55 consecutive knockouts. It's like, oh, me, come on. Kicks the dirt, shuffles away, hands in his pockets. It's just stupid.

My year, we had to do it in an old country buffet. So there are a few holes in this story. A few you said. Oh, I mentioned three of point them out. Many pointed out that keeping a giant mixed martial arts tournament where people regularly die, a secret seems unlikely. Even if the competitors all kept their pinky promise, it seems unlikely that all the hotel managers and venue owners and caterers and I don't know fucking blood wipers would do the same. Kenneth Wilson, a spokesman for the Ministry of Sports in the Bahamas, where the Kumite

that Frank attended was supposed to have taken place, said of the tournament, quote, we have no recollection of such a tournament. We would know, no, never. It can't happen." End quote. Yeah, we would know. I mean, obviously they'd need to register their illegal blood sport with the ministry of sports or we wouldn't be able to order

commemorative beer coosies. So, right. We would know. Also, remember the IFAO? Well, when the LA Times looked into that organization, the only member of foreign of contact they could find for it was Frank do. And the trophy that he was allegedly awarded was made in San Francisco Valley and ordered by you guessed it, Frank do.

And the trophy maker is a few blocks away from his house. Oh my God. And he's done interviews about this. He claims that all makes sense because the FBI raided his karate school at one point and they destroyed the base of the trope, just the base of trophy. And then he got it rebuilt and the trophy guy who happens to be a few blocks from his house, norked on him to the LA Times that he ordered a trophy for himself.

But it's real. He just had to fix the base. It's just fixed. Because the FBI had a vested interest in destroying the bottom of his throat. But you might be asking yourself, okay, but what about the fellow competitors who verified Frank's story? They didn't quite shake out either. Here's a quote from the LA Times, quote, Richard Robertson said he met Doe in the Bahama. He said that Frank fought in the

heavyweight class and that he fought in the 135-pound division. Robertson said he was invited to the competition because he was a good street fighter and an undefeated wrestler for three years at Lower Mary and High School in Philadelphia. When told later that the school's athletic officials didn't remember him. Hey, man, you got a really good Hadookian for high school. We do this murdered. When told later that the school's athletic officials don't remember him and that he doesn't appear in team. He didn't even score the three touchdowns in a single game? To a Robertson first rise. Yeah, Robertson first said that he was ill the day the pictures were taken.

Then when he was told he could not be found in the school's yearbook for any of the years, he was a lovely at high school. Oh, Jesus Christ. He said, again, I'm continuing the quote here. All right, I don't know what to say. Why is this movie so important to you anyway? Frank was a buddy of mine when I was in LA. And quote,

Wow. Well, while we come through the NYU year book to look for Eli's picture, we're gonna take a little break for some apropos of nothing. Okay everyone welcome to the Kumite! Okay, everyone. Welcome to the Kumite! Now, we have gathered you, the roughest, toughest fighters in the world, brutal murderers, assassins, masters of the deadly arts, to pitch your skills against each other in a no-holds-barred fight! To the finish!

To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To the finish! To thered fight to the finish. To the finish. Now, a quick reminder, please don't tell literally anyone about this. Not your family, not your friends, not other martial artists, nobody in the world can know. Okay, but what about you guys who run it? Yeah, we also promise to never tell anyone about it also. Also, please destroy your plane tickets, your trophies, I don't know what we gave to you,

your hotel receipts, any evidence whatsoever that you're here really. We need to keep this a secret. A question, question. Yeah, go ahead. What if we die? Like, aren't people gonna notice when I think like a significant percentage

of the world's toughest dudes vanish without a trace? Don't some of us have like families and toe joes and stuff? Oh, honestly, it'll be fine. I think nobody will really notice or try to investigate like ever ever no and no one will ever invest. Yeah, never last question. Yes, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. So I want to write an article for a martial arts magazine about every single detail of this. Can I do that? Yes, nice. Awesome. Oh, okay, well, now I'm confused. Yeah, no, I'm confused. I have a lot of questions now.

When we left off, we were searching for a secret underground fisticuff murdering tournament that happened on a community of ninjas high on a mount top. What happened next, Eli? Sounds realistic. It turns out that the Kumite was the least of Frank's inventions. In spite of the rumors that circulated about his stories not adding up and pretty damning expose by the LA Times in the late eighties the black belt magazine article along with his role as

the fight director and subject of blood sport propelled him to martial arts startup. So in 1996 he wrote a book called The Secret Man whose cover reads as follows this is the cover of the book. He was the CIA's finest covert operative, the subject of the martial arts film Blood Sport, a bridge to international organized crime, a legend on both side of the Iron Curtain. His true identity always concealed from the people he served. He was the secret man. The secret man. He was strong enough for a man but made for a woman

Woman not actually included So in his book Frank claims that the Central Intelligence Agency director William J. Casey met him once at a urinal He introduced himself as the quote, head of the fucking CIA and recorded him as a covert operative. Frank states that Hasey was his personal handler and that no one else in the CIA knew he was working for the agency. Okay. Point and do his favor here. You better be the fucking head of the CIA if you strike up a conversation with me at the journal. Okay. Yeah, it is not the job offer I'd expect from a paper at the urinal.

Yeah, right. Right. So like, I've, like, this is almost certainly just something he made up, but I, I feel like everybody he knew was dying to do this to him, right? Just walk up. Absolutely. Walk up to that guy at the urinal, tell him you're with the CIA. He'll totally believe

it. Yeah. So Frank describes several missions. He performed for the CIA between 1981 and 1987, including destroying a fuel depot in Nicaragua, being part of a joint CIA KGB operation known as Delphi 9, which investigated the Sphere Delosk anthrax leak. And he claimed to be the only survivor of a five man high altitude military parachuting teams failed attempt to destroy an Iraqi chemical weapons plan during the Iran Iraq war. Okay. It is nice that he throws a failed mission in there though.

I mean, you don't want it to seem unbelievable. Right. Yeah. He also retells the story of Akumatane's book, of course, adding in that version that he was granted a ceremonial ancient sword for his victory as well. According to Frank, he sold that sword to give money to pirates for some purpose. What are you saying? Can you hear you? I just need to say a sentence again. From the front, he sold the sword that he won in the super secret fumete for money to give to pirates.

For some orphan. Well, and then guys, he personally trained them as a martial arts striker team and he called them the mighty orphan power. So this is what he had to say about the sword orphans to the LA times. Well, I sold my sword. I have no regrets for it. It went for the street. The street bought the sword from, please say he bought the sword around the corner. It went to buy kids out of slavery who were on pirate ships.

They do is these local chiefs, if you would, on Menondo and stuff, take these kids who are orphans and they put them on these ships and go out to the South China Sea. These ships were crowded and uncomfortable. I'm talking what we call a normal bunk. They have four or five kids squeezed into that thing, they live out in the open elements, they die. And the Philippine government just turns a blind eye. What? Okay, but now I want to know about the secret orphans you're hiding. Right, right? Like, you see how you made it worse, right? Like now there's like a level that I need to check

the next thing. Yeah, no, that sounds way worse when you add So I bought them at the end Okay, but According to Frank the money wasn't enough and then the pirates went back on their agreement again, well We took up arms and fought boat pirates And we got these kids free Many of them are now in the United States. I'm in touch with some of them and they love me to death. And I'll tell you, I've got one kid who's about 15

years old. All I have to do is look cross-eyed at one guy and he'll kill for me and quote, okay. Now I want to know about your secret team of murder orphan assassins. You got it, you got to chop the lie. The lie has to end. And there's not questions at. Yeah. So I'm pretty much like fagin, but for child soldiers, why are you covering your drink? So as you may have surmised based on our story so far, none of that is true. No, quote,ote from Wikipedia here. C.I. spokesman Mark Mansfield said the book was, quote, sheer fantasy, adding that it was unusual for the C.I.A. to comment on such matters. Though, Frank's claims were so preposterous that we had thought it was necessary. Also stating that it was convenient for Frank that C.I.A CIA director Casey, that's the guy he met at the

urinal, was dead and unable to refute the book himself. And quote, from what Frank even the urinal doesn't even remember you. Okay. So what did Frank actually do in the military? Well, not much. The Marine Corps says that Frank served from 1975 to 1981. And there's no indication that he ever left the United States at all. Ever. In fact, his military medical file says that on January 22nd in 1978, he was referred for psychiatric evaluation for expressing flighty and disconnected ideas. In 1978, we were like, we need to do some mental health. Yeah, just to be clear. Because in spite of the fact that he was a member of the reserves, he insisted to several people that he was working for an intelligence agency.

But only every other week. Well, I remember that distinguished Vietnam career he had in the article. Well, I remember that distinguished Vietnam career he had in the article. I if you're confused on the timeline, yes, the Vietnam War did end in 1975, right? So that does the level of fact checking black belt magazine. Just doing it. That's right. Yeah. His military records also indicate that there was a follow up medical evaluation at a military

psychiatric clinic in Long Beach on April 18th of that year. He was found to be normal, but it clarified that he was not, in fact, involved in intelligence work. So Frank claimed in his book that he received military decorations after pressuring the military to authenticate his heroics. One day, he says in the book, he received a phone call and went to an address in West Los Angeles where he was handed a paper bag filled with medals,

what? Including the Medal of Honor that he wears in a photo from the book. What? Where's the paper bag? I don't know, I said, I sold it to the Smithsonian. They put it in there. It was to pay for my cold fusion machine that I had. Okay. Then I've lighted my boot and came

to my house and stole the bottom half with fusion. It's not the cold part. I had I had him murdered by an orphan in the... So I've had some questions. A paper bag. Uh, well, we can't have a ceremony for him since he is a spy, but he did earn the Captain Crunch Super Decoder spy whistle fair and square, so I guess put it one of our spy metal lunch bags we have. Yeah, again, from the LA times on the issue of the metals,

well, Marine Lieutenant Colonel John Shotwell in Washington said Frank's military file shows there's no indication in there anywhere that Frank received any military awards after seeing a picture of Frank in uniform with his medals, the one that's in the book, Lieutenant Colonel David Popsky in Los Angeles said that several ribbons are worn out of sequence. Based on that and other discrepancies, Popsky has said that he seriously doubted the medals and ribbons were Franks.

As to the Medal of Honor, Popsky said, I don't believe there's ever been an instance of a medal of honor being bestowed secretly. What? But how would you know? He also pointed out that the medal Frank is wearing in the photo in his book is an army medal, not a marine man Jesus Christ again, from Wikipedia, quote, questioned about the photograph in 1988. Frank told John Johnson from the Los Angeles Times He was not able to get the military to explain why he was awarded a medal from the wrong service Though in later years he changed his story to say that the uniform was just a Halloween costume

And Okay, he went as a better marine than Okay, if he went as a better Marine than he went as a Marine going as an army guy who got an award. In fact, for what we can find, the only injury Frank sustained during his time in the military is the time he fell off a truck that he was painted. You got to duck and roll as the key. So you're probably asking yourselves, how does Frank explain all this?

Well, easy. It's all the work of his Ninja Master rival, Jesus Christ, Stephen Hayes. Sure. Oh, I thought it was gonna be Stephen Seagull. I was gonna get some. Oh, no, although there is a Stephen Seagull connection, which I left out at the essay.

Stephen Hayes is a white guy from Ohio who is also a ninja master, take it serious, who is Frank sworn enemy. All right. We're going to Frank. Hey, the CIA, the ninja clans, his defeated opponents from the Kumite and the United States military

have planted these things to discredit him. And may I say, they've done a fantastic job. You may. If you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be? When I said I keto isn't real, I implied that any martial arts were, and for that I apologize to everybody like this.

That's from my heart. How are you right for the quiz? It's ready as a cross-eyed orphan. Pfff. All right, Eli, what is amazing about this story is that it actually makes other martial arts liars we've done episodes about seem more credible. That said, which of our previous episodes about nunchucks liars would win in a fight? Hey, Andrew Thornton the second from the Pablo Escobar episode. B. Steven Segal, a keto master and inventor of the term Jodo.

C. Frank Doe. D. It's not Frank. B. Steven Seull, Sheriff Deputy. Sure, whatever. All right, I've got one. And you already alluded to one of the answers here. Here you go. You like which of the following is not an actual claim that Frank do continues to make to this day.

Hey, that he holds the record for fastest kick in the IFAO Kumite at 72 miles per hour. All nice guys are real big. Yeah, they have very good. Every kick. B, that he won 66 tug of war matches, we're standing on one leg. See, that he once started an assassination attempt on Steven Segoal That he is the first and only human being to ever punch through bullet No

His fucking web. It's insane. It's a bad shit ever. There's a video of him trying to do the, he's the tug of war thing on one leg. It's a magic, right? And there's a video of him trying to do it. To a guy who knows how it works, which is fucking crazy. Oh, man, it's fucking piss.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Who was trying to kill Steven Seagull? That's Steven Tyrell on the right. That's Steven Painsky. The Hainsky from Ohio is trying to kill Steven Seagal? That's Steven Pains guy. The Hains guy from Ohio is trying to say arch. Now he's going to do it.

What do you know? Listen to him. He was trying to do it himself and then he thwarted himself. Jesus. Just an orphan in the background, mouthing the word no. But the single figure for you, huh? You like I want more for you. Yeah.

What's the best conspiracy based fighting style? Oh, the world. Hey, men in black belts. He showed a contrail. See, kill builder, Berg. D, 5G, Ticundo. He, Popeye Kaiser Soze. 5G TKundo I hope your kaiser shows it Jet Lee doesn't burn that hot

G Krav Maga I gotta go with G Krav Maga No, actually it was Jet Lee doesn't burn that hot It's pretty fucking good Oh, well heaths you were anachiever, see you win this week. The Tastik next week, let's get Noah up there. Alright, well for Noah Eli, Tom and Heath, I am Cecil, thank you for hanging out with

us today. We'll be back next week, am I done? Noah will be an expert on something else. To me now, and then you can listen to all our other shows, you can find the links at our website. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode, the nation of patreon.com slash citation pod. Or leave us a five star review every where you can.

So if you get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citation pod dot com. Well done, Frank. You won the most karate punches. Yeah, remember? Please keep this tournament a secret forever and ever. We will all do the same. Okay, uh, can I show people my trophy? Yeah, of course. Draw. Nice.

See, now I'm confused again. I'm also still confused. Me too! I'm also still confused!