Citation Needed - Gregor MacGregor

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

General Gregor MacGregor (24 December 1786 – 4 December 1845) was a Scottish soldier, adventurer, and confidence trickster who attempted from 1821 to 1837 to draw British and French investors and settlers to "Poyais", a fictional Central American territory that he claimed to rule as "Cazique". Hundreds invested their savings in supposed Poyaisian government bonds and land certificates, while about 250 emigrated to MacGregor's invented country in 1822–23 to find only an untouched jungle; more than half of them died. MacGregor's Poyais scheme has been called one of the most brazen confidence tricks in history.

Tell me man, go full Aries build. I've tried, but I'm still using the spike collar. Oh, well, see, there's your issue. You gotta use the blood-filled bile. That's the way to go. No, absolutely not. No. What?

Everyone knows Vice President Slash Manager is a meeting light. That's your title. No, because then you get second draft pick on alternate years. Read the thing. Damn it, that's right. Hey, guys, what are you yelling about here?

Oh, hey, no, hey, Cecil, it's this week's essay. After learning about Gregor McGregor's titles, we'll realize we never really worked out our roles on the podcast, so. Yeah, and Heath is trying to be CEO and president. They're two different jobs. It's two different things, which is why you can't do that. I can, because they're doing this.

Guys, guys, the whole point of the essay is that the titles McGregor gave out. We're meaningless. He was a con man. See, that's what I've been telling them. I don't listen. Okay, but in the company, we're actually going to use the roles. Yeah. Oh, are we for, for what? For who has to use the bathroom after Eli? Dibs on vice president. for who has to use the bathroom after Eli. Give some advice, President. Give some advice, President. And damn it. See, this stuff is important.

Well, or you could not drink mango nectar for every single meal. No. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject read a single of article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Sir Noah Luzonz of the Hamptonshire Illusions and I'm gonna be hosting this evening's Suarez but I brought along some good ol' garks to join me first up. Two men who put the crash in an aristocracy tum and see so.

Take a moment and think about the aristocracy and recognize the high bar that sets I am fond of generous buttocks and I cannot deceive you. I cannot And now also joining us tonight are two men who already have the crust They just need the uppers heat and Eli. Yeah, I've got a day. I do Yeah, I've got a day. I do. It's not what. And is it so much that I ask for my sandwiches to be cut in concentric ever? Yes. It's not that hard.

Yes, it's not that hard. And quick, before we get started with yet another story about one of the many dishonest ways of making way more money than podcasting as ever Going to pay that we're apparently experts. I want to remind you that we don't have to be here But if you'd like to learn how to keep us here be sure to stick right to the end of the show and with that out of the way tell us Cecil What person place thing concept phenomenon or event what would be talking about today? Today we're gonna be talking about Gregor McGregor all right, he you you can see this for not doing an offensive I was gone up, but I I pulled it back at the last minute.

I heard you pull it. I can wait at start. Eli, can you try and manage us? Yeah, I can do it. Like, Gregor Mcgregor. There we go. Oh, there it is. All right, so you consider this story a great deal

before settling on a major. Are you ready to weave this tale for us? Ready to weave. Let's do it. All right. So who was Gregor? Meg Greg. Gregor McGregor was a soldier, military commander, world adventurer, Latin American revolutionary cosplayer, and probably the greatest con man in history.

He spent his entire life coming up with bigger and bigger lies and compounding them and making money on each new thing. And he eventually managed to convince thousands of people in Europe that he was the crown prince of a fictional country in Central America and sold him time shares that they couldn't afford not to buy. He invented that in 1822. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're telling me the subject of this essay, a man essentially named Scotland McScotish was not an honest businessman.

I know. Right. Yeah, no, just honest businessman. Mm-hmm. Scott. Scottish. Scottish. Scottish.

Okay, so before we get rolling, probably have some initial questions. Did I choose the story of Gregor McGregor because it's an allegory for Donald Trump? Is there a tie-in with the atrustkins? Just tell my fucking story, great. I'm gonna tell my fucking story. So, Gregor McGregor was born on Christmas Eve of 1786 at the ancestral home of the clan McGregor.

The family had just recently been allowed by King George III to start using their name again without getting hunted down for being anti-royalty outlaws for the last few centuries. Now, that describes most of Ireland and Scotland for most of history. But the McGregor clan had a logo thing. And... The coat of arms.

The arms coat, yep. And signature, pardon and kill pattern. So it were fancy outlaws. I think I know exactly what you mean by fancy outlaws. Can't imagine you do. Say they're a partner at a moose booth. You're supposed to be a single bat. Well, then I'll wreck in the plating. Well, I'm killing words, boy. See, this is why we don't let you call heartless. We just don't allow you to do the thing. It's called the doodly do sea salt. And that was not called to do. I don't know, I'm embarrassed to be a part of that one. Like, it's not like it's not. Okay, moving on.

Just a side note here. Fun fact, one of those outlaw ancestors of McGregor's was his great, great uncle Rob Roy, who became a folk hero for his role in the Jacobite Rebellions of 1715 and 1745 that tried to steal back the British throne from the Catholic House of Stewart. And Rob Roy's life eventually inspired an operetta and a drink.

On opening night of the operetta in New York, a bartender at the Waldorf Astoria invented the Rob Roy cocktail. Now sadly, it's just a stupid fucking ripoff of a Manhattan, but with scotch instead of rye, which is real thing, and a way to scoff. Yeah, he was like, this Manhattan already tastes like drinking from that big jar of barbers put their stuff in, but couldn't burn. You could, you could, you know, the Rob Roy can be served straight up over ice or as I prefer them down the drain. Thank you.

The thing there's no a trustkin tie in though, or we might have gotten off subject. All right, everybody remember, we're talking about Gregor McGregor. So Rob Roy being Gregor McGregor's great, great uncle and actually having accomplishments is real. Rob Roy did have accomplishments and that's the end of the truth for the rest of the story. When Eli right there happened. Events are going to happen, but everything Gregor McGregor says or does is infused with some kind of giant lie. And it starts right away when he joins the British Army at age 16 and claims to have studied at

the University of Edinburgh between 1802 and 1803, which is technically zero amount of a million dollars. So, anyway, either way, there's no record of him going there or getting a degree of any kind. It's possible he physically went to the campus at some point. It's like, Marky Marky hung around Harvard and got real smart by Osmosis. You know, it's like you wasted $150,000 on education. You could have got for a dollar 50 and late fees at the public fucking library. How do you like 100% better. A hundred percent better. But the same guy. It's never stopped watching that movie.

So McGregor entered the army in April of 1803 and immediately had an officer's rank because his family purchased him an officer's. Yeah. Jesus, he should have bought him bone spurs if you could buy him anything. I am bone spurs. So he was an Ensen and that cost 450 pounds, which is about $60,000 in today's money. But apparently, his dad wouldn't keep buying him new ranks, so he decided to marry a rich lady.

While stationed in Gibraltar, he met Maria Bowwater, the daughter of an admiral in the British Navy, who was also related to two generals in the army and the very important botanist, Elmer Bork Lambert. So, Gregor fucked his way into some of that sweet botany money and bought himself a big promotion up to the rank of Captain. That cost 900 pounds or about 120,000 dollars. Can't imagine how the UK lost their own pocket. But it was a system of military. $20,000. Can't imagine how the UK lost their own. He's to be entirely fair. A lot of

people were fairly well convinced that Bloomberg was going to buy himself. So it's not like we don't have a, don't worry, America. The more than half of Congress that are millionaires got there on their merits, though, it's I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sure that will be. I did it with the barisma money. So Captain McGregor and his unit got sent the Portugal in 1809, helped drive the French at a spain during the peninsula war. While he was there, became a giant stickler about wearing all the rank and insignia and metals and all the ridiculous uniform details. The lowest level soldiers weren't even allowed to leave their tent without a full dress uniform. rank insignia and metals and all the ridiculous uniform details.

The lowest level soldiers weren't even allowed to leave their tent without a full dress uniform. And that's fucking stupid, so the only superior is hated him. Apparently this led to a big fight over some ridiculous detail with his commander and it turned to a giant feud that got so big, McGregor was forced to request a discharge and everyone hated him, so we got that no problem. And somehow, he also got back the 180 grand, he spent on buying promotion.

What? What? I didn't think you got to keep it. What's the security deposit when you evicted a Lou tenant? I thought that that was not. Oh, Lou tenant is a forget it. Show me your dish show me how they are. Look at them.

Oh, yeah. There it is. No frosting on those back. I'm disturbed by the first listener principle of this running joke. Yeah, I was just thinking that some guy was like, you know, you like that podcast. I'll give it a try. Show me your tits. Show me your tits.

We just do that sometimes. podcast, I'll give it a try. Show me your tits. Show me your sh- You did that. We just do that sometimes. So, Gregor McGregor went back to the UK, moved with his wife from London to Edinburgh, started calling himself the colonel, like fucking chicken guy, wore a fake badge and claimed to be a night of Portugal, and drove around Scotland in a bright red coach,

trying to become part of the aristocracy. But everyone hated him there because of everything I just mentioned and his personality in general. So he moved back to London after that and tried the same thing to get into the aristocracy. This time he added baronnet to his, and also claimed to be the chiefed in of the McGregor clan. So he was, sir, Gregor McGregor, the Colonel Knight, Baronit, chiefed in. Apparently, that's a lot to put on one business car. It's just, I don't know how you fit.

It just, it worked. Apparently, as an manager, apparently those extra couple of lies did the trick and he quickly became part of London's high society. To let you do anything when you're Michigan man of the year. I'm just saying that's nothing. Graham by the way. Yeah. So Colonel Knight, baronette chief and the regular was doing great. I believe that's sir Colonel Knight Baronit Chief did McGregor. Sorry, right? Sir, yes. Got it.

Got it. But then his rich wife died and he had no more in love. And to my husband, I leave nothing because it was not just the size of his rank he was exaggerating about. And his only job experience was in the army that he had to quit for being a giant asshole. But he noticed that a Venezuelan revolutionary leader, General Francisco de Miranda, was treated super nicely in London during a visit. So McGregor figured the best move was to get into the Latin American military coups.

Hey, it did. It worked for the USA. Yeah, damn right. Dr. Really, really did. That's a very good point. So, in 1812, he sold all his stuff, moved to Venezuela, found General Miranda, and got himself a job. This was made extra easy by mentioning his Portuguese knighthood and his rank as an

officer in the famous military unit called the die-hards during that campaign in Portugal and Spain. Now, the second thing is actually true, they were called the die-hards, but that unit didn't get that nickname until about a year after McGregor got forced to retire for being a huge dick. McGregor's back in the military. He doesn't have any money to buy a better rank this time, and that means he can either actually earn a promotion

or marry another rich lady. He went with rich lady and married Yosifah Lovera from a wealthy family in Krakis, who also happened to be the cousin of Simone Boulevard, who was about to become the leader of the revolution there. So McGregor immediately became a brigadier general just in time to lose a big battle against the Spanish colonial forces and lead the country. He spent the next few years name dropping his way into leadership spots and then losing more battles. And according to a biographer, the zenith of McGregor's military career in South America was a really successful retreat in 1816. Oh, when he was super good at leading his troops to run away from his panties, aren't we?

I mean, I guess you give a man enough experience, right? And it comes into his room. I left the way you cowers, sir. What did you do? Yeah, that was in the biography. So he went on his ass So regreggers coming off that amazing retreat and he has a letter of Commendation from Simone Bolivar himself that McGregor definitely didn't just forge the letter says in my opinion

That retreat is superior to the conquest of an empire. Really. These accept my congratulations for the prodigious services you have rendered my country. Love the real Simone Mova. So the regular shows that super real letter, the general Juan RS Mendy, and asks for a new job. And RS Mendy sends him to the United States, recruit an army and take over Florida from Spain. So McGregor puts together about 80 men from South Carolina and Georgia. He raises $160,000 by selling those people. McGregor bucks. Yes!

Homebugs. Yep, that's my favorite. McGregor bucks. Then I get you a bunch of that amazing Northern Florida swamp land. Eventually, and he sales from Charleston to Amelia Island just off the Northeast coast of Florida. And somehow he convinces the Spanish commander on that island to surrender without even firing a shot, even though their forces are about equal in size.

So we're Gregor plants flag and declares himself the sovereign leader of the Republic of all the Florida's. And thus, Florida man was born. Yeah, I'm just going to say that sounds impossibly stupid, but the result was Florida. So I get it. I get right, right, right. Yeah, you know, it's actually marked the last time Florida made a single fucking decision in a timely fact. They picked their electoral votes real fast. Sure did. So Spain hears about this tiny island getting taken over and they still own all the

Florida's despite McGregor's new title and both sides gear up for battle. But McGregor's whole plan immediately falls apart. The rest of his recruits from the US never show up and the troops he already had were quickly realizing how stupid the mission really was, especially because they were getting paid in a million dollars that McGregor printed himself as the currency of all the Florida's. All of them. Their tank was made out of air mile points and it just falls apart in the way that'll feel.

The one guy is being dragged back onto the boat, but he said we could pick anything from the box. Anything. He's so mad. He didn't think of that. So McGregor is looking across the water, the mainland, and there's a giant Spanish army. So he says to his team, okay, we're going to do this. I'm just going to be right back. I have to just try to save away with his wife to the bombs.

He never pays back the investors to buy the McGregor bucks or the Amelia dollars. The 4x value of that Amelia dollar never really goes anywhere And the team he left behind does not end up owning all the Florida's. But McGregor was able to forge some medallions down in the Bahamas that said, Amelia, I came, I saw, I conquered. And then he sailed back to London in order to set up another fake Navy with fake money and steal something from Spain.

So how did things go on my mission to Florida? Cisarean is how I fuck it went. Where's the medallion? You know, for a guy who married his way into money, he is working way too hard. I mean, his job should just be to be hard. That's how marrying into money works. He's, ah, sounds great. So much work.

He's back in England, and once again, McGregor tricked a bunch of idiots into joining his team. He raised money by undercutting the British army and selling officer ranks way cheaper. There's something she don't want to get at a discount. You're okay. You got what you're paying for. He enlisted hundreds of Irish volunteers

by offering Caribbean futures, a two-day trip to Sandals. You got basically, but he like, I can drink well liquor and vomit in my sleep. I don't know. Got away with that. Or in the Caribbean. So that was the sales pitch. On November 18th, 1818, they sailed from London to Panama.

When they arrived, everyone was very eager to take over a city. But McGregor got all distracted by setting up the rules of heraldry for his team. He's convinced they were the nuts of the green cross. That was a title. And this almost led to a mutiny, but he finally agreed to attack the city of Portobello. And this actually worked, and his team defeated the Spanish force while he watched from offshore. So he said a shot of Portobello. But then he immediately got all wrapped up in the rules of knighthood again. God, this is like trying to read game of the room.

Yes. Very similar. So he gets all wrapped up in that shit. His troops, they stop paying attention, they get wasted on rum and the Spanish easily take back the port. Okay, whatever we surrender. But can you guys weigh in on whether a vice corporal is higher than an assistant general? We live in a society.

So much to be fighting about that. Yeah. So that's when MacGregor sailed away again, abandoning the entire team. He was checking on something. Oh my god. All of whom either got killed or enslaved. So that wasn't great. But he figured the problem was only trying it once.

So he got a new team and did the exact same thing in a different city, Rio de la Hacha. And once again, he sailed away at the last second in failure and all his troops got healed. Somewhere there's a chump supporter waiting for a shuttle bus thinking all these people are suckers, man. Just suckers. All right, well, I guess now that he's made it impossible for the host to segue out without you guys assuming I'm just going to leave our world.

Very suspicious throw to Apple, a pro of nothing. I'm writing to request funds that we made. Finally! Excuse me! Hi Commander, Commandant Admiral Baron McGregor! I'm writing to request funds that we made. Finally. Excuse me. Hi, Commander. Commandant Admiral Baron McGregor. Yes, Vice Assistant Corporal General of the Third Ranked Jones. What do you need? It's the Spanish, sir.

Their approach off-wank. Ah, I see. Who have we stationed there? Assistant General Commander Brigadier Corporal private Smith, sir. He's a good man, but he'll need support. Send him half-stem and Commander Captain Pink Hank Williams. So do you think that Prince Captain Corporal Admiral Assistant Lieutenant General Jones would be a better choice? Yeah, good thinking man. That's why I made you Captain General Assistant Lieutenant Brigadier Corporal Monkey Chickenk, a chicken fishmear frog, second private admiral.

And I thank you for that, sir. See that it's done, Vice Assistant Corporal General of the Third Rank. Uh, sorry, sir. Well, we were talking they, uh, they won the battle. They see. Oh, what's not over there? Where? Um, he's gone.

Yeah. And we're back when we last left off. He was explaining how we were working too hard. Heath, keep telling me about the job that is even grifter than Patreon-supported podcaster making people cool and inside. Let me see if I can do it. All right, well, that brings us to Gregor McGregor's greatest worst accomplishment and possibly the largest con of all time, the poies scheme.

So he leaves Rio de la Hacha and starts planning his next move. He's wanted for piracy in Jamaica, he's a well-known murderous idiot in the entire region, and Simone Boavar wants to hang him for treason if he ever sets foot in South America again. So he sales to the Gulf of Honduras in 1820 and somehow lies his way into being friends with King George Frederick Augustus of the Mosquito Coast. Now, nobody really pays attention to this area in 1820 but they're technically a British kingdom. Uh, hard to believe that the King of Mosquito Coast

wasn't on everybody's invitation list. The prince of fucking sugar. What the fuck? So yeah, British authorities didn't want Spain taken over the territory, but they didn't want to do it themselves either. So they just named a few people king, including the skyge George. So McGregor trades the king some rum and some polyatomic gold trinkets in exchange for eight million acres of land. He names it poie. He names himself

Kazik of poie. That's the crown prince. And he sails back to England to do some time share presentations. Okay, you know you're running out of fake titles when you have to go to other language. Yeah, right. Why not just the thing? Yeah, right. So Gregor's back in London and nobody seems to know about his colossal failure at every single thing he did. One of the little tenants that McGregor abandoned to get executed in Panama actually had a British historian brother wrote a whole book about all those failures. But everyone just remembers to fake victories in Spain and Portugal that, again, McGregor lied about being involved in.

Plus, Kazik sounds superfaculous. Right, so he became a big deal in London again. And he got himself invited to the coronation of King George IV, where he made his pitch to get investment money and British immigrants for his magical kingdom of poie and it worked. Pretty soon he had poieasian liaison offices in London, Edinburgh and Glasgow to sell handwritten land certificates for the New Calonnie. He managed to work his pitch into a coronation ceremony.

I want to feel like I can't hear you. So why not buy yourself a little bit of boyacid day, the crown jewel of the mosquito that might not be. So here is the sales pitch for boy A. It had a tri-camera parliament. It parliament 50% better than the UK right there We more a commercial banking system fancy uniforms for its army a very elaborate nighthood system And a coat of arms with unicorns. No, it didn't

of arms with unicorns. No, it didn't. It had to be on the back of his dorm. But the Gregor printed up a 355 page leather bag. Jesus, God book about this tropical paradise, entirely composed of lies, the entire book. He described the climate of the mosquito coast as remarkably healthy, agreeing admirably with the Constitution of Europeans. A footnote also fertile ground for the burgeoning biotech industry, since you'll have no shortage of blood-borne diseases to cure. Yes, you will. He also told everyone the soil was so fucking fertile, you could get three different maize harvests a year and also grow large crops of other chief exports like

Sugar tobacco and malaria. He also made up a capital city called St. Joseph with a theater an Opera House a domed cathedral a central bank a parliament hall and a royal palace and The rivers all contained quote globules of gold. Why not? Really? Well, you guys might be laughing at this description, but the world has two and a quarter billion Christians and nearly as many Muslims believe in one way less possible. It's possible, that's right. So the investors went crazy for poyer. It seemed too good to be true, but it did have a leather book.

So it's only with thousands of people handing over their entire life savings to buy poyesion land. Oh my God. And then you really ramped it up by securing a loan from a big London bank of 200,000 pounds. That's about 24 million pounds today. Jesus. He was using the future revenue of

Poie as collateral. We'll put that loan. Wait, did he start and run at the same time? My collateral is the money I have. I will make if you give me this money. And he had figured out how to deregulate the energy sector of poe. He would have made sure. Oh, that's a totally. Oh, yeah, he would have gotten a bailout before all the actors and waiters in New York City. So, so he gets that loan.

And then he sold bonds that actually got issued on the London stock exchange. They were marked down to only 80% of face value, so it was a deal, and they offered a 6% annual interest rate. Now, these are all just nonsense numbers because it was based on fucking nothing, but all of this stuff sold like crazy. This was the first part of the scam that eventually got him named the founding father of securities, fraud. The next week he's tweeting, why is stock prices too high in my opinion? It's just too I was going to say all he needs is an army of Bitcoin, sad boys, and he can start selling flame throwers, right? It's a dark guy. So the biggest targets in terms of immigrants

were McGregor's fellow Scotsman. You got them all pumped up about how Scottish hardiness was perfect for the new colony, and they all came along. Okay, wait, you know, that's not a good selling point on future life endeavors when you look like you don't die easily as on the beach. Why do I need to be party for that? To the moon tip off.

He also claimed to be the direct ancestor of one of the guys who led the Darian scheme. Wait, well, yeah, that was a selling point somehow. If you remember the Darian scheme, that's the disastrous attempt by the government of Scotland at doing pretty much this exact same settlement project in Panama in the 1690s, despite being literally an episode of this show and a tragic failure. Again, this was somehow useful in selling his idea.

Also, he was definitely lying about his ancestor being involved. Everything he says is lie. Regardless, he got hundreds of people signed up right away and gave them all ridiculous titles in the Poiesian Army that did not exist just to be clear again. He even made a cobbler from Edinburgh, the official shoemaker to the Princess of Poie. There was no Princess.

And really, there was no Poie. Just a little mushroom kin to dive with a sign that says the Princess of poyea is in a different castle. Oh, there's Portobello. She just starting to make sense. Okay. Mushroom mail it.

So the first ship of European settlers took off on September 10th of 1822 with $5,000 bank of poyea. Everyone was very happy to exchange their actual British money for the legal tender of their destination. Jesus. But when they arrived, convenience of, you know, skipping the currency exchange booth wasn't that helpful because there was literally nothing there. The leader of the party was a guy named

Hector Hall, Lieutenant Colonel of the second native regiment of the foot assistant to the regional Kazik and royal owner of a 13,000 acre royal estate. That's 13,000 acres in today's acres after the wealthy party. From the futuristic mosquito city of St. Joseph didn't show up as planned with all the welcoming gifts. Lieutenant Hall quickly realized that his title was way too silly to be real. And that regular obviously just tricked everyone. But he kept quiet about that.

So the whole party wouldn't freak out. And he told them all to set up camp while he sailed off to look for the mosquito king, Georgia Gustis and figure out what was going on. He's just like, you know what? I bet the all you can eat buffet is on the other side of the island. I'm gonna check,

one of you guys draw straws while I'm gone. Just kidding, you guys, you just for fun. Mike come in here, I can't relate. I don't know. Who drew the straw? So the landing party had some basic supplies from the ship, but no reliable source of food and water once that ran out, and nothing but dense jungle if they went inland at all. So it got really bad almost immediately.

According to historian Alfred Hasbrook, quote, disease spread rapidly. Oh, oh, really, really at mosquito coast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Musco, okay. Real fast with disease. He also added lack of proper food and water and failure to take the requisite sanitary precautions run on intermittent fever and dysentery.

Many were so weak as to be unable to crawl to the woods for the common offices of nature. The stench arising from the filth was unindurable." And quote, also, the official shoemaker to the Princess of Poie, shot himself in the face. Oh, no!

This is cruel. I'd forgive you. Right? And my only one picture and how long that stuffy ass historian chewed on his pen while he tried to think about fancy way of saying They were constantly shit them Common offices of a knee-joon reason It's a fluid language for that. So Lieutenant Colonel Hall finally managed to find the mosquito king and brought him back to the landing spot And the king saw that giant piles of shit all over their little cheese camp Paul finally managed to find the mosquito king and brought him back to the landing spot.

And the king saw that giant piles of shit all over their little cheese camp. And he was like, fuck. Well, just why wouldn't you guys move down the beach a little bit as it piled up? I don't know why you stay right here. And the seller was like, no, yeah, we did that. Look at all the piles down that way. And the king was like, wow, rough. Okay. look at all the piles down that way and the king is like wow rough okay also there's obviously no such thing as poie or a

kazeeke of poie you had to know that was fake you're all stupid and you have to leave now this is my stuff so they only got picked up by a british navy ship and went to Honduras and then eventually tried to settle in the u.s. or go home to england of the original 250 settlers went to Honduras and then eventually tried to settle in the US or go home to England. Of the original 250 settlers, 180 had already died and a bunch more in their destination. They were super sick trying to go. Meanwhile, back in England, McGregor had already enlisted hundreds more people as part of

the scam and five more ships were on the way to the ship piles. Luckily, the British authorities in Honduras sent ships to intercept them in turn around. Oh no. So back in London, a greger found out that exactly the tragedy he was planning had happened, and that a really small party of his surviving victims were about to arrive. So he fled to Paris. And despite British newspapers writing all about scheme, he started selling time shares in France. I don't know. I don't understand. It's my hero.

It's amazing. So he's in Paris, and this is working. It included a letter to the King of Spain, in which McGregor claimed to be a descendant of the ancient kings of Scotland, is the chief member, and also Kazikov poie, of course. And he offered to lead an army based in poie that would take a bunch of the land in that region that McGregor had literally been trying to steal from Spain for most of his career. So Spain took a pass on that. from Spain for most of his career. So Spain took a pass on that. McGregor tries hitting up his Facebook friends to invite them to a girl's night

so we can sell them unsafe dildos. It's all thanks. Yes. All right. The story behind that joke's inspiration deserves its own episode. It really does. It really does.

It really does. It really does. So far. The King of Spain plan didn't work. But McGregor did make a deal in France. Somehow he found a very major French trading firm that was willing to buy 500,000 acres in Poyet to start their own colony. And he got another bank loan this time for 300,000 pounds. He's a six million pound. God. He also printed out another leather bound sales

prospectus. Nice. This time only 40 pages called some account of the poie country. What? That's as it's a 10% as big as the last one. Yeah, with the allure of that very coy title, we got a bunch of people to sign up again

But when all these French people applied for passports to a country that didn't fucking exist the French government was like no You're all stupid and the ship got stopped from leaving France the last second when France says this is a stupid idea You know you're fucked. I mean this is a country that still thinks it back was a good idea You know you're fucked. I mean, this is a country that still thinks that back was a good idea. He's just, okay, he's quick question, but like, why would you even need a passport if you're colonizing some domain-

Right, I mean, don't ask questions. Don't get me wrong, it seems polite, but it's rather out of the spirit of the thing, you know? Not, yeah, I guess he didn't see that one coming. So the French government, they looked into it, and they had McGregor arrested. While he was in jail, he wrote a statement declaring his innocence, claiming he was the victim of a Spanish intelligence plot,

and also demanding diplomatic community, because he's the physique of poyer. Right. He demanded that just in case they didn't believe the thing about the Spanish espionage. Those were both in the same statement. France ignored all that and he went to trial. But his magical fucking lawyer somehow successfully argued that McGregor was actually the victim

and the owner of the French trading company defrauded him. Great lawyer and the charges were dropped. What? Then the French police finally found that owner guy, the French guy who was on the lamb and they started up a new trial for both men. The French guy ended up getting 13 months in jail. What? And the Kazikov poie was acquitted of all charges.

Oh my God, this guy's amazing. Fantastic. All right, the prosecution should never have hired Marsher Clarks great, great, great grandfather. That was a mistake. That's such a great team cut. All the young people who listen to our podcast are googling Marsha Clark right now. She for the professional football player murdered somebody, but it didn't get in trouble. The glove didn't fit, guys. The glove did not fit.

That's the... So, now it's 1826. McGregor was obviously innocent and he went back to London again to sell more times shares. He went to the exact same bank from last time what got a loan for 800,000 pounds this time. 9 million pounds today and started selling bonds again. How is it getting all these like for fuck sake the US mortgage industry had better monetary controls in 2007? What are you fucking kidding me?

He was rated triple A by Moody's. I don't know if that's the case. He also started selling more of those poiesian land certificates. But then, this is my favorite part. The new mosquito king. So Frederick Augustus got replaced, the new guy from mosquito coast showed up in London and sold thousands of similar land certificates that covered the exact same land. Now, it seems like that

would make the whole scheme blow up, but, it just slightly lowered the market price of poyae stuff because of mild skepticism. This also led to a bunch of other con men in London realizing this is fucking genius. What if we just sell land from a fictional place too? It's apparently working. And this flooded market for acreage in poie continue to London for about 12 more years What what? Gregor McGregor as the industry leader Wow the guy the guy selling them outside four seasons total landscaping Has tons of money at this point, but also tons of debt and in 1838

He just left with the money part Also, he convinced the government that he was Simone Bolivars Secret number two what decades ago what got restored to his made-up rank in their military including Back pay and a giant pension. What? And he lived the rest of his life in luxury, in Iraq. Holy shit, oh my God. In total, his scams netted him a fortune

that was equivalent in buying power to about 190 billion American dollars in 2020. He died. Astronomically wealthy, $190 billion American dollars in 2020. He does it too. Astronomically wealthy, never convicted of one single crime. Oh my God. Unreal. Wow, I'm scared to ask, but if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, he's, what would it be?

I want the last check I write to bounce. And to be for $ for 190 billion American dollars. Yeah. So, and are you ready for the quiz? I am ready. All right, Keith, what's the national motto of foyer? A, poyer, e-puparus unum. Puh, b, poyer.

I'm not even that close. Do do a mongra. What? That's the British. What is that? What is that reference to? It's the English one is the did. God is my command.

Okay, just go. No, just soldier past. Just go to the sea. Just go in the sea. See, Jory, put that one in the middle because the third one's so good. See, I know it's a third one's rocking out. Yeah. Poyet. Yeah. Where the shit hits the sand. Because sand rhymes with fan. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I think he's going to do. And those rhymes with it's sea. That's what he's saying. And that's where I'm with it's see correct. I actually changed my question to do you remember what happened at the four seasons?

I crushed it. All right, Heath. Clearly McGregor was a very bad man, but he was also a very bad man with $190 billion. Thank you. So Heath, what is the price tag for my more. Hey, I don't know, but it's a left fucking less than $190 billion. So much less than that. I'm gonna stop right there. It's a Tom. So much less. All right, he's one more for you. When you land in America and get dysentery, what else should you have invested in? A, commodities. B, a put option. C,

everybody's sells options. It's so fucking excited about that. It's a put option to sell. C, sewage funds. Or D, a backdoor for a Thierry David also known as a Santorum plan. But it's definitely be put up and that's too fucking good. Is not I'm sorry.

It's Sue edge funds. Sue edge. It's like a play on proofs. So, yeah. Fuck. So, I'm like, no. One way or the other, Cecil, with after-pood options,

you were going to be the one to be so told that you won. That's fine. All right, no, since you're being so nice to me, you get to write an essay next week, how's that? All right, well, for Tom, Cecil Eli, and Heath, I know what thing you're bringing out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then, I'll have found a subject that makes Cecil regret his choice.

Do you know and then you can hear more from Cecil and Tom on cognitive dissonance? The only podcast named after the uncomfortable mental state that arises when you know you're wrong, but you still won't change your mind. You can also hear more from Heath Eli and myself on the Scathing Atheist Scott Open, where he's just a friend and the Indie minus and four. And if you'd like to help get this show going, you can make a prepsilordination at patreon.com slash citation pod or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us,

check out past episodes, connect with us on social media or check the show notes, be sure to check out citation pod. Ah. Wow, the guy the guy selling them outside for a season total landscaping. It's an absolute killing. It's the best thing. It's the best thing. It's the best thing. It's the best thing.

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