Citation Needed - History of Cocaine

Episode Date: July 4, 2018

Cocaine, also known as coke, is a strong stimulant mostly used as a recreational drug.[10] It is commonly snorted, inhaled as smoke, or dissolved and injected into a vein.[9] Mental effects may include loss of contact with reality, an intense feeling of happiness, or agitation.[9]Physical symptoms may include a fast heart rate, sweating, and large pupils.[9] High doses can result in very high blood pressure or body temperature.[11] Effects begin within seconds to minutes of use and last between five and ninety minutes.[9] Cocaine has a small number of accepted medical uses such as numbing and decreasing bleeding during nasal surgery.[12]   Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

So you play Sherlock Holmes? No, you're like part of his gang solving cases He had a gay okay, so and you read a book a case book And that's gonna do forever so for another seaside heat show. Yeah, motherfucker and cut fucking a man fucking a That was awesome. Great. I fucking love you, bro. I love you, man What hey guys, what's up? NOAA! Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude Batman! Batman! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I wasn't a coffee. Like I really don't even like coffee at sleep. No, you know, I just fucking went for it. You know, I fucking sweet toothed Macoo. Fucking that sweet toothed Macoo. We gotta make that character.

We gotta work him into the thing. Fuck it, yes, right it. Fuck it, right it, right now. Fuck it, no. I'm moving out to sweet toothed Macoo. I am on it, sweet toothed Macoo, it's the movie. Hey guys. Hey Tom.

Eli actually dosed Heath and Cecil with cocaine for this week's episode apparently. Yeah, yeah, no, I know. I had some too. Oh, are you, you okay? You don't seem fast like they, I know. I was, it was fine. I guess.

What's your guy, Dave rollerbob Tim or Steve, Chris? Little Steve to probably little Stevie Kyle, Kyle, see or Kyle, J big difference. Kyle, see. He's a good Steve. Kyle? Kyle C or Kyle J? Big difference. Kyle C. He's a good dude. Not a good dude. This explains a lot. Punch me in the face!

Episode 42! I'm punching! He's in the face! Hello and welcome to Citation Native, the podcast where we choose a subject for a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts, because is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm no illusions and I'll be the top of the Rico chart this week but I couldn't have gotten here without my co-conspirators. First up, two men were a way too quick to ask me if I have anything they need to keyster when we go through security, Heath and Cecil. You always have stuff with cool shapes. I feel like you're just humoring me at this point.

Thank you for that. By the way, that's fun. And off days I stuff undocumented on a company minors up there, you know, God bless America. It's like a ten city out there, I'm telling you. Gotta make it great again somehow. I feel like that's an upgrade for those kids. So just, yeah, there's a tape from them crying. I can't stop hearing it. It's been acting like, I was trying to get right jokes for our comedy show. I just can't let's make it. You can hear it. You just can't comfort them. And of course, you've already heard it, but also joining us tonight is the guy who brought

Grand Theft Dildo into the legal leicon, and a guy charged with shoplifting after ripping a 7-11 from his foundation for not having all the advertised Slurpee flavors, Eli, and Tom. In case the audience is wondering, by the way, the number is 3456. That's how many steal and it's a felony. A thousand and a thousand and a hundred and fifty-six. I don't feel like that can be blamed. Frozen Coke isn't just a flavor. No, it's a lifestyle.

You can't let that. That's true. That's true. All right. So before we get started, I wanted to take a minute to remind you that if you really enjoy this show, you have our patrons to thank for it. They're the ones that make the show happen. So in a legal sense, the show is probably more of their fault than mine. If you look to share it to their culpability, be sure to stick right at the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us heath, what person plays thing cause a phenomenon or event will be talking about today. Well, considering my recent topics included porn, good size penises and a poor Irish guy who gets rich despite being stupid and gross. I say the pattern dictates it was either scotch, finding love

at 36 or cocaine. So cocaine. So sex robots was initially what you wrote in the schedule. So it looks like we're totally passing on finding love at 36. Eighth, thirteenth. Oh, that's taking care of Cecil. This is nice. Finding, buying, renting. I mean, these are all synonyms from, to, oh, no. Lee, yeah, Lee, he's just the way they go. Yeah, exactly. You just don't get it used as a,

when you turn that back into the dealership and it has more miles, do you get charged? Yeah. If we do reverse cowgirl, though, Dometer goes backwards, so it's fine. All right, Heath, so you absolutely inhaled this week's article. Are you ready to tell us all about it? I was fucking bored.

Let's do this. All right. All right. Well, this is the only one of our shows that my mom listens to. So what is this cocaine of which you speak? Yeah. So cocaine is the stuff besides whiskey and bacon grease that comes out of my skin when I sweat. Which is all the time. And it's pretty amazing considering I haven't had any cocaine going into myself in about 10 years. It's still coming out a lot when I sweat.

But to be more specific, cocaine is Benzoil Methylagoning. And it's a strong stimulant. I learned how to say words. I'm glad you included that because that was helpful. That's the name. I think I said it kind of close. Anyway, it's a strong stimulant that has for a part acted from the coca plant. That's the name. I think I said it kind of close. Anyway, it's a strong stimulant that has for a part of the car.

It's attracted from the coca plant. Yeah. So Benzl, oh, I'm going to use a strong stimulant that's extracted from the coca plant and often used as a recreational drug for its weird combination of making you shit, making you bleed and also making you strangely confident considering those first two things about talking to women at a bar or, you know, whoever you're trying to fuck in between and or during your uncontrollable shitting and bleeding. This sounds like your life is governed by a spinny wheel that can only land on brown, red or pink.

All right. So it's giving you plenty of ideal party supplies like the shit and blood that I was talking about cocaine also causes increased heart rate sweating in large pupils and reduced appetite except for all the skin on the inside of your cheeks. That will become delicious and will be gone by the end of the evening. But otherwise less hungry in general. Okay. You're not going to claim I'm Dr. Oz here or anything, but he's, we've met buddy.

Perhaps you should think about trying the cocaine again, just saying maybe back in the rotation. It's not a bad idea. Those effects can always be accompanied by cardiac arrest, stroke and death. Don't forget about that stuff. Okay, I feel like I'm not selling it very well, but just to be clear, it's super fun. That's a big point here. You for you, that's the important takeaway. Well, plus you have something to blame your chronic perspiration on. It lets me entirely fare biscuits and gravy. Also have the same negative side effects. And we haven't thrown Paula Dean in jail. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know which gang she would

join when we do. Yeah. Unless G 13. All right. Heath. So how does cocaine do it? All right. So cocaine, it works by preventing the reuptake of serotonin, norepronephrin, and dopamine, which are neurotransmitter chemicals that make you happy. The drug lets a bunch of that good stuff keep swimming around in your brain longer than normal, and you get to experience joy if only for a short time. It's cocaine, it's kind of like an antidote to being Eli.

You'll be thin and happy happy but not funny at all. But you'll think you're fucking hilarious. It's a pretty big trade-off, but again, euphoria. Just don't lose focus. You'll be happy for a good hour sometimes. I want to remember. It's true. When I do cocaine, I'm just a normal guy who works at Staples for an hour hour. Should we be where the aisles are for a whole hour though?

I mean I got a pass I'm gonna pass that sounds exhausting. I'm like one of a 20 minutes guy tops and that's what breaks. Sure you are Tom. Okay sure. Three breaks. Fuck you. No. Three breaks with a full day in between.

Yes. All right, so where does the, where does cocaine come from? Well, the first known use of the substance was by indigenous populations of the Amazon rainforest and the Andes mountain regions in South America, where people would chew the coca leaves. According to anthropologists, the leaves were used by the Inca tribe during some of their ritual ceremonies and also used to help increase energy levels in messengers who were walking long distances between settlements. Also got everybody super high,

which explains why people are still doing that today in certain areas. Unemployed now, but Sean Spicer swallows a hundred Coca-lives before lunch every day. So, this thing. You know, back then, there was one guy with like a huge dip of Coca-lives in his mouth, spitting into an ancient ink and beer can. You know, it's a really hot, sad as a mouth. And then people lighten the bottom of that beer can with a flame. Yes. When some prize me.

So there were centuries of aggressively chewing those leaves, but it wasn't until 1860 that somebody figured out how to isolate the cocaine from the plant and create the refined version of the drug. And naturally, the person who figured out an amazing invention that eventually killed millions of people was a German chemist as you might have guessed. It's a guy named Albert Neiman. And I'm assuming he went to Peru, sucked down Coca-Leaves for like 10 days without sleeping.

And eventually his frantic smashing together of leaves produced enough friction for powder to just start falling out of him. Yeah, frantic smashing until something comes out. That's the same story of how I began my sex life. So we'll see that's weird because usually German chemists go to South America after killing millions of people. So this is a little reversal. So years later, a French chemist named Angelo Mariani read about the coca plant and I feel like he had like a like an HB res moment, but instead of peanut butter and chocolate, he did one of the more French things ever and combined Bordeaux wine and cocaine. Hell yeah.

And he named the greatest beverage ever, after himself, it the title, Van Mariani or Mariani one. Coke wine. And your girls night out with a coo-mute. That's a blood sport. It's a blood sport. All right, not that there needs to be, but does cocaine have any non-Euphoria, non-blood shitting uses?

No, it does. It does. Well, what are the immediate uses of the new powder form of cocaine other than making wine into super wine was as a numbing agent. It was a numbing agent. It's still the primary use for wine and pills among board housewives. So true. And it was often helpful to doctors during certain procedures for the numbing thing.

For example, Austrian ophthalmologist Carl Kohler used cocaine for anesthesia during cataract surgery. And apparently chloroform and ether were no good because people would vomit and get their eyeball stabbed out when they jerked around to vomit. No. So yeah, fun fact, I learned until cocaine was invented, they were just cutting eyeballs with a scalpel. No anesthesia.

Oh, fuck. Not sure why vomiting was the only violent flinching issue. You were right. What's that in the article? Okay, the cocaine also helped them keep their eyes open. Really wide, which was helpful. You know, really. To be fair, I think Dr. Colour may have confused

the propensity to yell, let's fucking do it with being numb, you know. I don't think. That's it. So another doctor who started experimenting with cocaine and asthesia around this time was William Haustead, known for being one of the founding professors at Johns Hopkins Hospital and for inventing several surgery techniques.

These include the radical mastectomy for treating breast cancer. Apparently, there was already a mild centrist version of that, where the fuck I mean. And also the emergency blood transfusion, which he was one of the first doctors to perform, using his own blood to save the life of his sister after she lost blood while giving birth. Fortunately, his blood wasn't completely full of cocaine yet, but it would be soon, because he got completely addicted to cocaine while testing the drug on himself. And then also doing quality control on every single syringe he used during surgery

after that point, right before giving it to the patient. I was just just like one for you, one for me. One for this, one for this. One for me, like bugs bunny. Yeah, that's it. Okay, like of all the recreational drugs, I feel like cocaine is the best one for surgery. Like, doctor, you, you really shouldn't have taken all those bath salts before.

Oh my God. Yes. So following its adoption by surgeons, cocaine also found its way into academia, which makes perfect sense considering it's basically extra twitchy primitive. Adderall, but unlike Adderall, your late 1800s Coke dealer doesn't make you sit on a couch and lie your way through obnoxious personal questions to get a prescription at least that wasn't required by law, but you're going to spend lots of annoying time on a couch at your dealer's house either way. And speaking of obnoxious personal questions on a couch, one of the most famous users of

cocaine around this time was Sigmund Freud. Right. Well, I mean, the science of, you're just jealous of my dick did not come from beer. Definitely need one to just be here for that. So we're actually wrote a paper about cocaine entitled Ubercoka, and he described the essay as, quote, a song of praise to this magical substance. Unfortunately, the magic didn't work exactly like Freud thought it did. For example, it turns out cocaine is not an effective antidepressant beyond, beyond

about the 30 minutes. Yeah, right. Also, not the best way to treat migraines or nasal inflammation. And it's no longer recommended as a way to get over your morphine addiction. Turn it up. All of those things incorrect. Okay, but also for I had every other thing wrong as well. That's a whole different episode, but every other thing. How dare you getting over your morphine addiction. There's just a paperclip guy out there, trading up crippling addictions. He eventually after 14 exchanges, moved some candy crush to directly lighting rocks a meth on his eye. All right. So all those things being said, on the plus side, the effects of cocaine almost certainly

improved the short term output of many academics, including Freud while he was pioneering the entire field of psychoanalysis. And the drug also helps explain a lot of Freud's theories, like the nature of the inn or how cocaine makes you want to fuck your mom and kill your dad. The four in the morning is like sweating profusely, just mumbling themself and pacing and circles around the house. The self is divided into two parts. No, three, three, okay, no, I think I need a modal lawn.

There you go. Oh, wait, I should remodel this to the floor. That's what I should do, remodel the kitchen floor. And then I'll fuck my mom on it. That's it. You lie understands me. Oh, that's, yeah. So it was just like an ivory tower white collar kind of thing.

Or a good question. Actually, during the same time period, white collar, I didn't get it, man. cocaine also started to gain popularity among physical laborers, blue collar workers, who were often supplied with the drug by their boss. I'm listening. Are they hiring?

Yeah. Now it's nothing. They run factory farms. Yeah. Right. Well, just in case I wasn't being clear, this is right around the reconstruction era. So the laborers I'm talking about are very often African-Americans who didn't really volunteer for the second part of that title. And

who were technically supposed to get paid for stuff at this point because, you know, it's reconstruction. And the bosses are very often white people who are technically supposed to pay for stuff at this point. So to make up for some of that infinity percent rise and weight you're right. The boss has tried to give their team super speed and super strength with cocaine. They really did this. Also other superpowers too, according to an article in the medical news at the time cocaine was able

to make black people, just black people, not white people. It would make black people impervious to the extremes of heat. So, Jesus. What? Uh, it doesn't. In the whole plan went poorly. It says crazy because so many of our other assumptions about black labor went so well. It's very disappointing. I'm going to see it coming.

Yep. And what other early use of cocaine that's worth mentioning was by American pharmacist John Stith Pemberton, who founded the Coca-Cola beverage company in 1886. And taking a cue from that French guy, Mariani, Mr. Pemberton went with one of the more American things ever and combined cocaine with pure sugar and sold it at whites only soda founds. That's because the black people got it free at work. Still, this marked the only time in history that the soda is bad for you. People were worth listening to.

Oh really Dave is soda bad for me. You know what else is bad for me? Talkin' to you Dave. Talkin' to you. Yeah, so the Coca-Cola company kept selling their weird tonic of speed and diabetes until 1903 when they finally decided to remove the cocaine part. And this was mostly because they were pretty sure black people were starting to get some two from buying bottles get around the fountain thing.

And this was a sentiment shared by lots of the country at the time. For example, the New York Times reported that when black people get cocaine in their system, quote, sexual desires are increased and perverted. Peaceful Negroes become quarrelsome and timid Negroes develop a degree of Dutch courage that is sometimes almost incredible. End quote. We have to add some more bigotry to the Dutch people there too. Yeah, they want to hit one more in there at the Dutch.

Now, to be fair, that didn't stop the CIA from introducing crack cocaine into the black community in the 1960s in a project that it was the 80s. Yeah, 80s were pretty progressive. I always thought the Dutch courage was when you snorted balloons to cocaine out of a mules ass. Am I thinking of something else? The same thing. Okay.

All right. I thought it was. You're thinking of something right in the town. Still not. And just to make sure I'm not unselling the racism. Here's a few more examples. In a prominent medical journal at the time, a doctor claimed, quote, cocaine is often the direct incentive to the crime of rape by the Negroes and what's here, not that I don't appreciate it.

He's, but I don't think anyone's ever accused you of underselling the racism. Well, I just wanted to be clear. And then one more example, there's the judge in Mississippi who announced during a case that quote, supplying a Negro with cocaine is more dangerous than injecting a dog with rabies. Judge has fucking weird hobbies. Yep. Yep.

And based on all this delicious white people panic, police started using heavier caliber guns. So they'd be able to stop a cocaine crazed black person. Jesus. Believe to have again, superhuman strength. People were also pretty sure that cocaine gave black people superhuman marksmanship. So they adopted a policy of shoot first questions later. And those questions started happening about two years ago. Not so many answers yet, but they started about

two years ago with those questions. That entirely, Jeremy, the answers we know, those don't change. We just pretend we care about the question from time to time to a swagger guilt. It's a little more right. I think we can all agree that what's important here is how nicely the question is asked right? It's not get regressive. They missed it too. cocaine actually that's a black person turn any shiny object into a 20 kilotonnook. You can never be too careful. Hands up, don't you? So all this public fear about cocaine got built up more and more. And then in 1914, Congress passed the Harrison Narcotics Act, which made non-medical cocaine and opium illegal. Boo.

No doubt. Several different words for black people were used on the Senate floor at that point, most of which were far less polite than cooked up negro. And just for the record, this would not be the last time in US history that laws were changed specifically to deal with America's crippling fear of the highly dangerous cooked up negro. So pin in that for later. We'll get there.

All right. And now that I think we finally pinned down the again, those maga hats we're talking about, I suppose we can pause for a quick break, a little music and some apropos of nothing. Who goes there? Oh, sit, Cohen, guys! Name's running bear. I'm from the Blackfoot tribe. Come on, it's down the way. How you guys doing? How you doing? How you doing?

Do you come bearing a message running bear? Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I got it right here. Uh, uh, but better yet, I actually, I memorized this so I can just tell it to you. And then, even better, I wrote a wrap about it so I can just do the wrap. Or, like, you know, whatever. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I I got it right here. I uh, but better yet I actually I memorized this so I can just tell it to you and then even better I wrote a wrap about it So I can just do the rap or like you know whatever whatever you guys want to do. I think we'll just read it We just cool cool. Ray reading is the best way to Read isn't it? My teeth are sweaty. Yep. Are your teeth sway? Have you guys heard of these new leaves? They're fucking amazing Seriously, they you gotta you gotta try these new leaves. They're fucking leaves, man You know they like just come off the trees. Got it. Got it leaves. Okay, we got the message

You can go back to your village now. Just you can just go back. Yeah, no, I will do I will do you guys want to go get some wings right now I need some really hot wings not to eat but just like stand over and have invented yet haven't actually been invented got it got it right and we're back when we last left off the u.s. government finally got around to sand hey you know the substance that keeps making a shit blood from our noses maybe we outlawed that stuff but they managed to do it for all the wrong reasons. So he's, where does this sort of tale of cocaine lead us next?

All right. So throughout most of the 20th century, with more and more regulations, the cocaine business stayed relatively small. But then there was a resurgence in the 60s and 70s when it started to become the drug of choice for lots of rich people and celebrities. And that's when Pablo Escobar decided to help out a whole bunch of future movie makers and Netflix original series producers by responding to the spike in demand and creating a drug empire out of Columbia. Yep. Did it all by himself without the American government's help at all just to sing a large room.

Okay. You done? No. Not done. Okay, but Escobar had been in AIDS on his own. We had nothing to do. All right, so a few quick details on Escobar and his Medellin cartel. At the peak of his operation, they owned 80% of the world's cocaine market and they

were making about $70 million a day. That's gross. That's gross. And during each of those days, yeah, yep, during each of those days, they were smuggling about 15 tons of cocaine into the United States alone. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus tons a day. And that's like about 25,000 heavily packed rectum. I'm just kidding. Jesus.

Please, please tell me you found like an online calculator that does that commercial. I actually, I actually looked for it, but I did a little research on my own. The best, the best keyster got, yeah, no, the best keyster guys can stretch out their rectum to hold about a kilo at a time. And a ton is about, yep, yes, that's a true fact.

A ton is about 900 kilos, so that's about 13,000 asses. But I'm figuring the average guy is about a half a kilo. Right. Half a kilo, 25,000. Wow. So that's pretty accurate. Anyway, the coke business got so ridiculous. The final file is on fire. What do you guys think we would do if we didn't think about how much coke people can fit up their asses on average?

We know we would do if we didn't do this for the real. Probably like build quantum computers with that exact same brain power. Boring boo. Coke up your ass. Okay. So the Coke Mrs. got so ridiculous that the cartel was eventually spending $1,000 a week just to pay for rubber bands to hold their stacks of cash. Wow.

Real fact. Like at some point, don't you just like look around a room literally built out of cash and just decide, you know, you know what guys, I'm going to stop here. This is good. Do you Tom? Do you? I got to build two rooms for everyone. It's different. I want to circle back to the 25,000 people. You know that there's just one cocaine. You'll think he can do the work of three people. And they have to pull like linked balloons out of his ass like a string of brown words. See Eli magic used to man. Best anal beads have coping. So now we're getting into the eights and the widespread use of cocaine is getting so extreme,

it's actually ruining an entire decade of America. Like there's some fun music and some good, bad movies, but pretty much everything's fucking gross. All the things that are wrong with American culture, they got all amped up and exaggerated. And also the whole time, the country's being run by a B-actor with ever more crippling all of them. And somewhere along the way, during this coke-addled hellscape of bad art and simanoche, that's economics backwards, by the way. That was going to be smoking crack too, because cocaine wasn't good enough, so they had to get crack as

well. Yeah, it was invented by the government wake up, she knows. Nope. Okay, let's go. I'm not. Three dealers who talk about the same guys with a suitcase full of manila. All right. All right.

It does burn that hot. So it b burn that hot. So it bakes that hot. So crack was invented at some point in the 70s when some lunatic drug dealer decided Coke wasn't good enough. You know, fucking conversation at a board meeting for his cartel. And he's like, running around the room doing parkour on office chairs. We're on the reason. Yalling the idea is being like, okay, so this cocaine isn't making me shit bleed in vibrate enough

any chance, any chance, just a spitball on here rolling on this any chance we can make this stuff into pebbles and then smoke the pebbles into our face explodes. And before we answer some question, can we make those pebbles cost $5? Yes, to both fucking great we're doing that. That's pretty much how it happened. By mid 80s. It got super popular. What's wrong, Jim? Michael Caine just sort of, I don't know. I've tried super cocaine. Super cocaine. Yeah, it's like regular cocaine on cocaine.

Sign me up. Never have the eighties been more succinctly summarized, Tom. Congrats. Yeah, even the one guy talking to himself part was good. It was all eighties. Yep. And just case anyone's curious, crack got its name when that crazy asshole from the board meeting finally got some cocaine pebbles all cooked up. And when he smoked it, it made a crackling noise. And as the room for the people got more and more crazy fucking high, I'm assuming they make the noise along with them.

And pretty soon everyone was just mumbling like crack crack crack crack crack crack. And they went with that for the title. Fun fact, crack crack and crack were the original mascots for Rice Krispies, but all they did was sump dick and dine gang violence related incidents. So they got to the right, so snap crack on the palm. You're right.

I saw one of those test commercials early on. Didn't two of those elves do ask to ask in one of those? They did. They did. They did. And just to be extra obnoxious, we've managed to invent way too many goddamn nicknames for crack.

According to Wikipedia, that includes Atari, bazooka, beamer's berry, Bing, bomb, butter, stupid, what if you want fucking butter from a guy on the street? Well, yeah, it clarified at first, the E-Lion. He just took an Indian guy. He just gives you a geek right there. Right. Also, Casper, Cloud, Crunch and Munch, Fish Scale, fries, again, like what if you want fries? Like don't fucking be trying to buy food on the street

from maybe drug dealers. You don't know E-Lion, you don't know where people get their food, their butter, their fries. Also golf ball, gravel, hill, hamburger again, fuck you. I just hear kangaroo, kibbles and bits, paste pebbles, pony, ready rocks, scud, Scotty, sleet, snowballs, teeth, top gun, white cloud, Yahoo and rock sand. And you and you know everyone's gonna do the fucking song gross Wait, it was called Bing and Yahoo. I think how popular this could have been if it was called Google But I don't know I trust wiggapete. I mean, I feel like you could spend your entire life asking crack dealers for kibbles and bits and crunching much without ever getting any crap.

That's just there to make a white guy look stupid. And this is where some serious racism finds its way back into the story, like it often does here in America. So the newfound popularity of crack was seen as extra threatening because white people got worried about all the black people crimes that were going to get even worse. Because once again, white people as a group decided that colored people were magically enhanced by the yellow sun of the earth. Got special supervillain powers from certain chemicals like cocaine and crack. If only there was some way to keep the black man down, play the national anthem.

Oh, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he Um, remember our cobra effect episode, president should have listened to. Anyway, in response to the public fear about crack, Congress passed the anti drug abuse act, which made the criminal punishments for crack cocaine way worse than the punishments for powder cocaine.

This included a mandatory minimum jail sentence of five years for possession of five grams of crack. Or more, It also established a weight ratio of a hundred to one in terms of severity. So the penalty for getting hooked with 500 grams of powdered cocaine was equal to the penalty for five grams of crack. Jesus. And with crack being more popular in communities with larger black populations, generally, this basically made co-caning while black into a crime that's a hundred times worse.

Yeah, Jesus. And a hundred to one, it's still the going exchange rate. Not just for drugs either to Stanford kid rapes someone, they get sentenced to a free back massage and a 50% off dry cleaning voucher. So, only 50% boo. And by the way, we didn't fix any of those rules until 2010. The fair sentencing act, the new law in 2010 reduced the ratio of 100 to one down to 18 to one. So actually we did not fix it.

We have a whole bunch of mandatory minimums on the books and not just for drugs. Despite the recent attempts to change this, about 55% of all prison inmates in the United States were given their sentence based on a mandatory minimum law. Wow. Oh, the fucking phone. We actually paused and like we thought about this inequality and then like after much consideration we're like, okay, let's keep it unfair. I think we can all agree.

But you know, like not that unfair. I don't know. I'd say it's about a hundred times harder to be black than it is to be white. Let's make it 18 times harder. 18 times harder. Well, yeah. And you know they went with 18 instead of 20 because they're like, let's stay away from fifths all together, guys.

Oh, just a really hammer home. This racism thing one more time. Here's the story of the African American star athlete who played a big part in causing that racist law to be passed. So there were some people dying from cocaine and crack at this point, but it wasn't until the death of a first round NBA draft pick that lawmakers really started to give any fucks. And thanks to God having a super good sense of humor, the basketball player was named Len bias. He died of an overdose two days after the 1986 draft. And this was

a major tipping point for all the crack hysteria. And by the way, it turns out Mr. bias was using good old fashioned white people powder cocaine. It's not that if any fucking difference to policy or public opinion, Boston taken bias with the second pick is fine, but the Celtics trade up for that bag of Coke and the, you know, in the first round to sort of get them as a teammate was absolutely pushing. Totally pushing. Cecil, you don't, you don't get the 80s at all. Traded for a bag of eight balls. Yeah.

So again, the aims were an abomination in so many ways, including the giant twitchy, sweaty Coke party. But it looks like we've managed to get things under control a little better recently. Over the last few decades, there's been a definite decline in cocaine consumption in the US with the amount of people who report using it within the last year getting cut in about half.

Unfortunately, it looks like a good amount of this drop in cocaine use went along with a giant opioid crisis. Right. So, that's all. Remember what Roy taught us. You can't quit heroin with cocaine. Also safe to say vice versa, probably awesome.

I mean, I get it. Nobody wants to be the first guy who breaks out of coke at a party nowadays. But but if you're the first guy who breaks out heroin at a party, that party was for heroin. That was a heroin. That was what it was. And everyone out there with opioid constipation, remember, you can treat that with cocaine just ask a doctor if cocaine is right for you. All right, before we wrap it up, here's a few other fun facts about cocaine. First of all, I found this interesting. It's still produced in pretty much exactly the same way as it was over a century ago. Farmers harvest the coca leaves, then dry them, cut them into little pieces, and then sprinkle

that batch with powdered cement, then they soak it all in gasoline. Okay. Gasoline. All right. Throw out the leaves and extract the cocaine free base chemical from the gasoline using fucking battery. No one has taken notes.

Has everybody noticed that Noah's taking taking notes take the pencil from Noah And from there after all the cocaine and battery acid and gasoline stuff they do they add caustic soda or lie the stuff you shovel on mass graves and Filter the stuff through to simplify that object Why is that weird? I feel like that was a reasonable way to explain it. So lie. And then they filter that stuff through some cloth and then dried into a paste called pasta in Spanish.

It seems like another potential point. Be careful. Don't use food words for really boys and stuff. Anyway, he pasta. Maybe you shouldn't meet people in alleys for pop I say this food wherever I get hungry, it doesn't matter when a lot of people don't eat when they have coke but it's different for some people I wish not everybody to eat so he's Pots, but he's time

He's like slipping spigot Spigot Spigot Spigot Spigot Spigot Spigot He's like I. Spend it away. I've been between her breasts. She's like, I didn't have any spaghetti. But thank you. It's romantic. It's like lady in the tramp. You guys don't know.

Anyway, the pasta then gets recrystallized over and over using other terrifying industrial solvents I'm assuming, and eventually becomes powder cocaine. Yeah, well, the cool thing is with the new EPA chief, you can do all that stuff with natural water when it's now. Yeah, right. You can even need it on a lease. Yeah.

And despite all that terrifying stuff, millions of people take cocaine and suck it into their faces, and they're getting. Okay, all that sounds bad, but you know what they say? It never tours sausage factory. Or an iPhone factory. Lots of blood. Very similar.

Thank you. He's underplaying how fun it is. Oh, how much they've liked it. If it was legal, if like, if like, Heineken had like a cocaine factory, have the right to be the only thing. Shit. Just people running through for their 18th tour. Again, again, again. All right. One last detail. Um, just to answer the question on everyone's mind, obviously. Yes. You can shove cocaine up your ass and get high from a cocaine suppository. That was my thing you can do.

Also, vagina. I'm told pretty cool. Okay. He, um, I feel like maybe you're pension for combining the word shove and vagina. That may explain your current relationships that is. Not the right verb, my friend. It's, it's not that it could. It's a whole bunch of other stuff, Tom. A whole bunch of other stuff. So this all sounds bad, but believe it or not,

there's a happy ending. We invented meth. Let me finish. Let me finish. Which led to Adderall. It's the ring. We started talking about this wonderful, wonderful stuff earlier. Let me finish. All right. Which led to Adderall. It's the ring. We started talking about this wonderful,

wonderful stuff earlier. And Adderall is a magical pill created by modern chemistry, made of methamphetamine salts, which makes you into a happy, energetic, genius, just like Brad Cooper in that fucking movie. It's amazing. If you ever need to learn an entire semester of constitutional law also global monetary policy, the Galean dialectics and quantum cryptography all in one night

While also writing a 50 page thesis smoking announce of pot and fucking your ex-girlfriend several times. Adderall is the drug for you Ask your doctor about Adderall today. Adderall. The end. Okay, just a little side note. It's also a great way to have a very fast anxiety attack for those of you. Get you right through it. Very quick one. All right, so he had to summarize everything you've learned in one sentence. What would it be? Get a prescription for Adderall.

Then share some with me. And unless that's illegal. I think that is illegal. Don't share. Wing. It's amazing. Also, don't take drug advice from podcasts. All right.

So speaking of Adderall, are you all studied up for the quiz? I'm ready to go. All right, so speaking of AdWro, are you all studied up for the quiz? I'm ready to go. Oh! Oh! All right, now we've had a porn episode, the cocaine episode. He seems to be picking topics to address some of his life concerns.

What burning question was next that they seek to answer? A, do tears make the perfect balling water. Oh, shh. B, which quality of transmission is best. Cucumber noodles, craft dinner, or eating cereal over the sink. C, a brief history of the futon. Or D, sex robots. Dishwash or safe. Yeah. Just an orange sticking out of it.

Really wish Tom didn't clearly have a spy cam on me right now. See my whole day and it's E all of the above. All right, I got one here for you, Heath. If your day is gone and you want to ride on A, she don't lie, B, she don't lie, she, she don't lie, or D, co-k. It's B, she don't lie. That is, it's correct, I thought I was gonna get you. You know, it's to track middle, B, and C, or tricky. It's B, she don't lie. That is correct. I thought I was going to get you. You know, it's a track middle. Yeah. And see your tricky. It's right. It's B she don't. You're right. All right. Uh, which actor is actually a huge co-head? A the rock. B and flake jill and haul.

D roblo D Rob Lowe, D, Adam and Snorton, or E, all of them, every fucking after all the episodes. Everyone in the money does cocaine cause it's great. Answer is, after song Eli was just saying. When you get some money,

you'll try it and you'll be like, this is great. All right. So he obviously we spent an episode shitting on a fantastic time, which is the reason that Bible peace there exists in the first place, but you obviously forgot some downsides. What are some other negative side effects of cocaine that you left out? Is it a disco? The mandatory 10 minute conversation, everyone on Coke has to have about the quality of the cocaine. It's B. It's B. I don't even move on. I fucking hate that. It's B. You should see having the best sex of your life means it can only go down from there.

Definitely not that. Gremlins too. All right. Well, let's all, let's all pretend we can get erections with cocaine going on. Yeah, right. You got to mix it with some other stuff from him's dot com. All right. Well, him's dot com. All right, well, him.com.

All right, well, Eli, apparently you were the first to best our champion because I don't think he's got that right, even though you didn't mention, I'm sure you meant to mention that. So that means you're going to take over hosting duties next week and you get to decide who has to do all the reading stuff. Ooh, I'm going to go with Noah. Yeah, but thank you, Eli. All right, well, for Cecil Eli, Heath and Tom,

I'm Noah thanking you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then, I'll be an expert on something else between now and then you can hear more from Tom and Cecil on the cognitive distance podcast. And more of Eli, Heath and me on Scathing Atheist, the Skeptocrat and God-O, for movies. And if you'd like to help to keep this show going,

you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com. So I citation pod, none of that money will go to cocaine, I promise. Or leave us a five star review everywhere you.com slash citation pod None of that money. I'll go to cocaine I promise or leave us a five star review everywhere you okay None of my fifth of that money will go to cocaine and if you like to get in touch with us check out past episodes connect with us In social media or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citation pod dot com Okay, I'll head back to my village now Unless you guys were the swimming or something right guys want to go swimming or something, right? You want to go swimming?

This fucking hot, right? Nope. Nope. We do not want to go swimming. Cool. Cool. I'm gonna go swimming.