Citation Needed - History of Sexology

Episode Date: September 12, 2018

Sexology is the scientific study of human sexuality, including human sexual interests, behaviors and functions.[1] The term sexology does not generally refer to the non-scientific study of sexuality, such as political science or social criticism.[2][3] Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm, it's way better than Neili's. Let me tell you. Why, see, not what this is about.

No, it's just that we've noticed kind of a pattern in the topics that you choose. A pattern? I mean, I don't really know. It's a horn hub. There was like a, okay, I'm gonna show you cocaine. Yeah, right. And now, sexology.

Yeah. Well, those are interesting topics that I wish to share with inquiring listeners that we, yeah, I know, I know, I know. Shut up. Okay. We just we want to make sure that we're not falling into, you know, a pattern. You know a pattern. Okay. Again, with the pattern. No, I am just interested in these subjects. And I thought that our audience maybe would also be. And so can I ask you what's your next essay topic? My Tinder bio. That's what I thought.

What? What? It has words in it. Wild card. I'm the wild card. Hello and welcome to CitationNate of the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Noah and I'll be leading the charge this week, but I won't be alone in this minajwa sink first up or two men whose wives regret not looking at the fine print on the marital vows more closely Eli and I feel like a squarzy for a randomist. True story. And you think my wife would be used to strainer eyes over look at tiny little things. Right.

You said it, I just thought it. And also joining us tonight are two men who argue about which muppet is sexiest, Tom, and he- I'm just saying no, it's thinking about my dick. That's all I'm saying. It's all I'm saying. So I'm throwing that out there. Okay. Sorry. Two votes. I keep telling you guys, Pepe the King Prawn and I'm also thinking about your dick right now. And I'm going to take back King Prawn. And I think it's snufflepogus and you're dick. It's what I'm also thinking about. It's more like a frog.

Well, I'm like, is it curled? Is it the curl? It's not even a jumbo shrimp. It's like, it's like a regular shrimp. See, I was actually making a joke about my dick, but I didn't want to tell you that because it's going to fuck up your relationship with your wife. Oh, oh, oh, so before we settle into the episode proper, we want to take four seconds to thank the patrons who make the show possible. So

thing. So if you'd like to learn how to join the ranks, be sure to stick around to the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Eli, what person plays think concept phenomenon or event? What will we be talking about today? We'll be talking about the history of sexology. And he has the most qualified person on the show

to discuss sex from a do what now perspective? Are you ready to play this? I've had sex with a woman I have. I don't think. Sitation needed. All right, so Heath, what is sexology? Great question. Sexology is the scientific study of human sexuality,

sexual behavior, and all things comrelated. Also, women are involved sometimes, although they make it super complicated. But basically, sexology is the study of all the stuff people do in pursuit of sexual pleasure and orgasms. Wait, wait, all things come related. Please, please tell me there is some lab somewhere with Irland Myrflas spinning around testing the viscosity of shoes.

Yeah, Lawrence Flask, but yeah, I'm sure it's a nice 10 W 30 these days. I'm switching helps to picking up and winter. You got to get the, all right You ought to get the big mileage style. I have a follow up intro question. What is an orgasm? Also a great question. So from my research, an orgasm is the pleasing biological response that was granted by God to men for all the amazing work

we do with our penis. It's also a reward for all our very patient man's planning. And that's why we all have an orgasm together after these recordings. It's gonna be fun. That's why. And allegedly, women are also involved, although they make it super complicated. And citations are obviously needed. But according to Wikipedia, orgasm from the Greek orgasmose, meaning excitement, swelling,

also sexual climax, is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement during the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure, right? Because the Wikipedia editors couldn't go, come on, you know what an orgasm is? What are you nine and looking this up? You're nine and looking this up, aren't you? You know that there's some Wikipedia editors somewhere reading that over and over in candlelight to their Hattachi wall. All right, so when does sexology first emerge? Okay, so humankind has been doing uncontrolled studies about come since day one. But it's gotta be like a little controlled or clean up as a total bitch. Right. But the actual scientific field of sexology it uh... it barely existed until the late eighteen hundreds

and the first sexologist by most accounts was a german guy and i was it was absolutely good to know that and his name was Richard friedlein yosef frayher craft van festenberg alfff Franberg, Janant von Ebbing. What's good watch? Or Richard Fryher von Kraft Ebbing, Janant von Ebbing for short.

And he looks exactly like he sounds. Like the cast of a German gangbang? That is correct. Like Alex Jones took a Benadryl and deflated a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. You got it. Okay, also listeners heads up,

pretty much all sexology is scooping the uterus out of your slave to see if you can wear it as a hat until like 1985. So, a lot of that in this episode. Just, to be fair though, to be fair though, Eli, that is her fault. She should have remembered the safe word. You know what I mean?

You got to drill that into your slates. It's Toby. She says, all right. So, uh, Dickey Ebs, he, Dickey Ebs, who published a book in 1886 called Psychopathia Sexualist. Sexualist book, which is considered to be the work that first established the field of sexuality. And as you might expect from a Christian pre-Nazi, for every sentence about data,

there had to be another one about hate. So in addition to some insights into sexuality, the book also elevated homophobia from a hobby into a fucking science by theorizing that same sex attraction is a mental illness caused by bad genetics. The enough, this angered the Catholic church at the time. Not sure why. Maybe the priests were leaning into it at that point.

It's not clear. Anyway, the book was also notable for coining the terms sadism and masochism and for being the first formal study of parafilias also known as coming from weird stuff big pin in that for later also marked the first time in history when someone cleared their throat and went is is that weird would we call that I can be honest I feel like somebody did that a lot when they wrote the Bible too, but the second time maybe.

I'm not sure we need to put names to all of this. Like, can we just all wipe the sweat off ourselves and hug our knees in the shower like all good people? But then everything these days. There should be a name for that. I like, oh. So another important early sexologist was a British doctor named Havlock Ellis. And as you might guess, his chief intention was telling the homophobic Nazi guy to go fuck

himself. And also to challenge the stigma that surrounded being gay and the stigma surrounding masturbation. And nailed it. He was also the first to write about transgender being a thing, which made him a goddamn hero in my mind, like way ahead of his time, up until I kept reading and found out that he went way too far.

So his major work, published in 1897, is called Sexual Inversion and Cold. So you know, no, no, no, the pool was called. And so sexual inversion, he's trying to be cool with everything in the book, but unfortunately, that included being cool with old men whose names rhyme with schmavelok schmelos, fucking little boys. So that's where I went to find. Is that weird?

Would we call that weird? Is that a weird thing? I a weird, weird, weird? I think we found out why the Catholic Church was pissed about that other block. I can't even read this. So another notable scientist in the field was Ernst Graffenberg. And he is amazing.

As a sexologist, he discovered the role of the Peehole in the female orgasm and I genuinely don't even know where that's located like I thought it was an ass peeing situation until like two years ago Still don't know the whole story. I still don't know how it works No, we got to get a glass coffee table and tell me okay We gotta get a glass coffee table. And tell me, okay. Anyway. Anyway, besides the P hole orgasm thing, Gravenberg also accomplished the nearly impossible

several times in his life. He was a Jewish gynecologist in Berlin during the third Reich. He survived the Holocaust. He invented the IUD using 1920s technology and he literally found the G spot. Like that was him, the Grafenberg spot. That's him. That's where he hid during the war was the Grafenberg spot. But seriously, like that's the G and Grafenberg spot, G spot.

And allegedly the G spot, it's located two to three inches inside the colon on your birthday and the rest of the time it's located two to three inches up the anterior vaginal wall. Wait, wait, there's a wall of vaginas. Don't give Trump any ideas. That way, they got frustrated the nights watched from Game of Thrones. They were guarding a wall of it. They would be driving their cars on the sidewalk in Kingslay. To be entirely fair, like the existence of the G spot is someone in dispute, but I can sort of see how that would work in the lab. It's like, so what you're saying is it's pretty much all about

the clitoris. Yes, that's pretty much where the action happens. That's not. So how do I fuck that? Well, sir, you can't fuck it exactly, but there's lots of fun to be had. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm an entirely unrelated note. I have just discovered an anatomical cum button conveniently located on the fuckable insides. I'm going to win every prize. You're going to die alone. What? Nothing brilliant works. But none the inside. That's real. All right. So I'm moving on in our history of sexology. Obviously, Sigmund Freud is another

figure worth mentioning for his study of sexuality, but he deserves his own multi-episode series. And also, he was wrong about pretty fuck my mom. What? Right about everything. I have posed young hands society couldn't handle. No. All right. Moving on from that, we're going to skip ahead past Sagan Freud to the United States in the 1930s. And that's when sexology really started picking up steam.

Nope, please tell me that's a clever segue into a steam powered by a big event. You got to hear like, one of the inventors we've dealt with invented that, that seems like something that would have happened. Anyway, so 1930s, United States, that's when a guy named Alfred Kinsey started doing research with weirdly large amounts of funding from the Rockefeller Foundation. And this eventually led to his two major works, Sexual Behavior in the Human Mail, published in 1948, and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, which very appropriately came five years later.

It was more work, but it lasted long. And both books made it to the top of the bestseller lists and are considered seminal works in the field. Seminal. Or squirtin' ol' don't be sexist, think of me. It's a great joke. Oh, that's a great joke. It's so squirtin' ol' I love how I love how spell check has no problem with squirtin' ol'

It doesn't like how he didn't spell don't though. I think I added squirtin' ol notes to our personal dictionary at some point. Squirtle sounds like a long game. Squirtle sounds like a very weird Pokemon character. Squirtle sounds like a very weird Pokemon character. Those two books, by the way, are together referred to as the Kinsey Reports. And among their groundbreaking revelations was the discovery of a tiny little lady penis above the vagina that causes orgasms even better than the standard uterine orgasm.

Are we saying like the clip wasn't found like officially found until 1950. That is correct. That is correct. That is correct. Like, distressingly likely. Yes. Also, it explains the baby boom. Yes. Where you want to find out? I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure,

I think Shackleton found the clitoris. Didn't he? Wasn't it Shackleton? He circumnavigated it. Should have done the alphabet on it, stupid. wasn't it shackled in the circumnavigated it should have done the alphabet on it stupid right so in addition to putting out those two books

kinsy was also the founder of the kinsy institute for research in sex gender and reproduction at indian university originally called the institute for Sex Researcher, ISR. At first, they pretty much just existed to hide Kinsey's enormous collection of weird homemade porn, or as he called it, science data shut up this is serious, a bunch of which was probably illegal at the time. And some of it is definitely still illegal right now. But the Institute has slowly evolved over the years. And some of it is definitely still illegal right now. But, but the Institute has slowly evolved over the years. And these days, they're fully merged with the university

and they house a giant library, archive and art collection dedicated to all things. Fuck, it's pretty great. When Pence was Indian as governor, he made one of those, those handmade outfits, but it was like giant. And he just threw it over the outside of the library. He's made it one of that. Acqued the sound of thousands of kids trying to balance the awesomeness to going to sex college with a horror of living in Indiana. Right. They have a wall of the jinnies.

Nope. No, one other thing you might recognize, Kinsey's name from is the Kinsey scale, also known as the heterosexual, homosexual rating scale. This was his framework for thinking about sexuality as a continuous spectrum with zero representing exclusively heterosexual and six representing exclusively homosexual. He also added another category that he listed as X that represented essentially asexual. And he used a sad face emoji with a knife and a gun to represent in sauce. All right. Yeah.

Please rate yourself on this scale based on who you are attracted to. Okay. Good. And now on this scale based on who is attracted to you. I've, you gave me a blank one, I think. Yeah, we've taken the liberty to fill that out for you. Despite all that, there were a few problems with Kinsey's work. Just a couple. Just a couple, first of all.

Just a few. The subjects he was observing, they didn't represent the general population very well. Also he was ignoring volunteer bias, and most importantly, rather than finding a random sample, it appears he was finding a strangely large proportion of muscle bound white men in prison who were into the same kinks as Alfred Kinsey. So that was skewing things a little bit as well. He's just given a presentation.

Okay. So in this random sample, Alfred, Alfred, everyone in this study is in a high school swim team. Random sample. Just random. That's him. Sampling on randomly. Random. Random.

High school swim team that all went to jail is what I'm not picturing. It's even crazy. Anyoneship. Onchabrock turns. He didn't, well, they didn't go to jail. There was another issue with Kinsey's work, though. He dedicated an entire section to studying the orgasms

of pre adolescent children. What? I went out. Yeah, I went out. Apparently that volunteer bias applies to the scientists too, sometimes, in sexology. But despite the giant study of child come, somehow this wasn't even mentioned as a problem with

Kinsey's work until about 40 fucking years later. Not sure the fuck was happening that could distract the entire world from disturbing amounts of pedophilia. Maybe, maybe I was busy thinking and praying regardless. 40 years later, someone was like, Hey man, quick question, did your research include observations of orgasms in over 300 kids aged two months up to 15 years? And yes, it did. That's exactly what it had. Some guy who's worked there for 20 years is just like, Dave, this chart starts at two months. That can't be right. Oh, I quit the sex.

I'm going to go hang myself at home. I'm going to go hang myself. All these 50s parents enthusiastically dropping their toddlers off or pre-come school. They're reading Dr. Sousa's lesser known works like like do you want to in some socks? No, I want to in a box. Could you would you in her hair?

I've got come just everywhere. Patreon goal, guys. We'll get that animated. Now, according to Kinsey, he got this data on these kids by asking adults about childhood memories or asking parents and teachers for their observations, their observations of kids having orgasms at two months old. Yeah. Starting in two months old. Yeah.

And you came or when you watched your two month old come. Yeah. And you came. Or when you watched your two month old come, yeah. Worst of all about Kinsey, if that's still possible, he claimed that he interviewed nine pedophiles and asked them for detailed information about kids and their come habits. And if one wanted to review this data for science where the fuck. Wait, he interviewed nine pedophiles that but you only had to visit one rectory.

I'm going to sit this episode out, guys. I'm going to read you. Yeah. Pete, you sit this one out. Yeah. So turns out Kinsey himself, he had some pretty interesting sexual habits. Oh, no. Yup. interesting sexual habits. So, what? No, what? Yep. And this almost certainly involved the sexual repression that was fostered by his extremely

Christian parents. Kinsey was bisexual, but he was taught since childhood that homoerotic feelings are completely evil, and this led him to carry out self punishment as a penalty for any sort of non-hetero impurity. Naturally, that included the penalties, tying a rope around his scrotum, shoving a toothbrush in his retra, and then pulling on the rope as he got the toothbrush in there deeper. What? As a reward? He should have gotten a girlfriend and switched to Oral B.

This guy's dick hole was so big when he came, it just fell out of him like a cat pew. And it's amazing. That's amazing. When he came, he sort of backs up just a little bit. You know, I just backs up a little like bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, and backs up a little like, burp burp burp burp burp burp burp burp burp burp burp burp. And just falls right out. Yep. That's real toothbrush.

And apparently that was brush side first. Whoa. I'm not sure if that matters. Yeah. Yep. Well, Alfred Kinsey knows how to party. A biographer actually confirmed that in his research at some point. But how I don't know know but that's a true fact

checked up on some biographies but i guess if anybody's qualified to spark a sexual revolution it's the guy with the truth brush in his dickhole and that's a great speaking of amazing segues i think that's time for a quick break and some apropos of nothing. Gentlemen, the scientific endeavor we begin today, shall we know? As sexology. Amen. That's absolutely awesome. The time has come to leave behind the rank, superstition, and perditionness of the past.

And for us, fearlessly, to explore one of the nearest and dearest parts of the human experience. No upon which society is based. We will make ourselves the enemy of kings and churches, but we must push forward whatever the obstacles towards that ultimate goal of scientific truth. Here you are. Rule of four now to our first point of business. Where exactly in the balls is the P store? The front? I wanna say front. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. Nathaby! You! Cudies! What was that, Mr. Enright? Nothing! Nothing, Mrs. Cobbledic. Nothing. Well, you seem to be full of answers today, Mr. Enright. Why don't you come up here and on the diagram, show the class where the clitoris is. Okay.

Um, is it under the butt? I know he's it is not under the butt. He doesn't know where the clear is. He doesn't know where the clear is. You guys don't know where the butt is. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. He's wake up buddy. Stop it. bump. Stop. I'm gonna bump. Stop it. Stop. Stop. He's wake up buddy. Stop it. Whoa. Whoa. Take it easy man. Everything alright there buddy.

Leave me alone. Hate the stupid clitoris. And we're back when we left off a guy had a toothbrush in his urethra. He's just speaking of amazing segways again. What's next? Okay, so groundwork's been laid by some creepy European dudes and one super creepy American dude. And now it's time to meet one more very important research team

and there arguably the best named crew in science history in my opinion. The sexology team of masters and Johnson. That's brilliant masters and Virginia Johnson for realsies. Okay, wait, so not only do we have those surnames but their first names are Willie and the closest to vagina you can get in Stopeia name. This girl, they had many important discoveries, perhaps most notably the discovery that having exactly zero female sexologists in the entire history of the field was probably a bad idea.

Or, or it's that sexology is missing that nurturing vibe. Yeah, but our last name is named after a Dix. We'll just let her in. It's okay. All right. Well, again, it's great that a woman finally entered this field, especially since the field was basically, what

the fuck is happening with those lady parts? I come every time harry just to be clear this wasn't exactly like a big progressive effort by william masters to help get a job for a qualified female scientist he hired virginia johnson to be his secretary first fuck study and then he started fucking her

and eventually left his wife and married virginia johnson all that being said, they got in some good work together. And rather than just asking for verbal testimony from their subjects, masters and Johnson were the first researchers in the field to really incorporate like quantifiable physiological measurements into the work. 1950s heath is just like, it's cold in here. Let me hold the ruler, but then oil. You're allowed to push the fat. We established that. You said we were going to start at the tank. You push the fat. You start from the tank. Because nothing says sexy like some dude standing

over you with a stopwatch and a clip. Tom, I asked you said, no, that could have been the end of it. No, what I said was get a nicer clipboard and we'll talk. Need a lap button on this thing. A lap button would be perfect. One of the most important contributions from Masters and Johnson was their four stage model of the sexual response. Stage one is the excitement phase or the initial arousal. Stage two is the plateau phase, which is full arousal, but still pre orgasm. Stage three is orgasm. And stage four is called nobody gives a fuck. Stage four is actually that awkward conversation where you see if she's going to stay the night. But you're married. It doesn't make it less awkward. That's the only way.

All right, I'm no sexologist here, but I feel like if the excitement phase ends when you start fucking, you're doing it wrong, aren't you? That sounds reasonable. So Masters and Johnson were also the first sexologists to write about the refractory period for men that cursed us to one orgasm at a time in contrast to women who can apparently just keep doing that over and over if they want. Probably a good thing that I don't have that ability because I'd literally never go to work, or I just be like, coming every 10 seconds of work. I don't know how they get anywhere.

Another important piece of their work involved an investigation into the sexual habits of gay couples and lesbian couples which gave them some insight into general trends of men versus women as well. I especially enjoyed their commentary about the difference between how gay couples handled like sexual logistics as compared to lesbian couples. According to their notes, quote, mail homosexual subjects interacting with previously unknown male partners would discuss procedural matters, but quite briefly, usually the discussion consisted of just a question or a suggestion. But often it was limited to nonverbal communicative expressions such as eye contact or hand movement, any of which usually proved sufficient to establish

the protocol of partner interaction. And quote, you guys are picturing baseball signals too. Actually, I'm still picturein the guy with a toothbrush shoved up his dick. I'm probably not going to stop picturing that for a couple days now. So, yeah, I'm still picturein Cecil's dick. It's just two dudes like grunting and gesturing at their cocks with an arched eyebrow. Like, let's say romance is dead. I know. Beautiful.

Well, but to be fair though, gay guys have to do this because like after the first time they both try to fuck each other in the ass like they're trying to figure out who bats first. They got to play some brown rule. You got to spin around the other who bats first. They got a big one. Okay. I have to lay some ground rules. You got to spin around the other guy. He's spin move. Spin move. Spin move.

Okay. Good to know. What would be the sick? What doesn't matter? Doesn't matter. We'll talk it over some other time. Okay. So the lesbian pairings, um, they ran their show way differently.

Masters and Johnson reported the following quote, while initial stimulative activity tended to be on a mutual basis, in short order, control of the specific sexual experience usually was assumed by one partner. The assumption of control was established without verbal communication and frequently with no obvious non-verbal direction. Although on one occasion, discussion as to procedural strategy continued even as the couple was

interacting physically. And quote, two lesbians hunched over a diagram of vagina, pushing little plastic figurines to generals around. Hey, eventually just put their clothes back on and play risk for seven hours. That's sex. Yes. So masters and Johnson definitely move things forward, but unfortunately, their story has a bigot chapter as well.

Between 1968 and 1977, William Masters tried to focus their work on curing the disease of homosexuality with conversion therapy. And at one point, he reported having a 71.6% success rate. I'm not sure what that final hetero test looked like, but that's the claim he made. Uh, he's, I got to know for you, that's a weird PS, you know, oh, by the way, they shocked a bunch of people into pretending to be straight for a decade, but lesbians don't plan sex. So, you know, yeah. So, despite their obvious flaws, like any good sexology team or person writing an essay, masters and Johnson were really in it for the dysfunctional stuff and the weird stuff.

And they got all up in there in all the good ways. In terms of sexual dysfunction, they were important pioneers in coming up with improved new treatments for issues like premature ejaculation, impotence, and also something called female fragility, which is apparently the term they were using for not wanting to fuck me right now. Is the cure stop fingering people like you're trying to thread the world's largest needle? This is an issue. Step one, hold the thread in your fist.

Wait, what's step two? I'm trying to take notes here. I got it. Step one, lunchuring the love button. Okay. Interior wall. Yeah. Okay.

But most importantly, Masters and Johnson also studied a giant group of test subjects over the course of multiple decades and before the internet even existed, they were learning all about the stuff that people use in Cognito windows to search for now. And they did a whole bunch of firsthand research themselves. I'd like to name some of the power failures now? I'd like to go through some of the power failures. So yeah, I'm gonna go through some of my favorites. And everyone, you know, just shout it out

if you're into it and explain in detail why. Starting with a base-yophilia, which is interest in people with impaired mobility. So they can't get away. I get it. I'm just a follow-up question. Would it count if their car just got repossessed? Is that just that?

That's not it. All I know is the people of Walmart are rejoicing now. Yeah, right. Right. All right, what about a crotomophilia, which is when you're into people with amputations. And of course, that goes along with a potent hemophilia, which is when you're into being the person

with the amputations. Personally, I think I'm into both. I mean, I'd fuck a stump or fuck with a stump, but it sounds pretty good either way. I feel like this one depends on hell of a lot on what's been amputated, right? Does it? Well, but okay, I feel like either you're an amputee or not,

though, right? Like, can you be into being an amputee beforehand? And if so, what's it like to be the doctor that tells that guy he's gonna lose a leg when he's just like, finally, I've been walking through the woods with honey smeared in the elbows. Alright, what about lactophilia? That means you're into breast milk sex. I guess you fucked the milk.

I don't know. Or it's cold out and you don't want to warm up the car just to go to the store, judgey, judgey bears. Jesus. We've got a spixio filia, which means you're into being strangled. And okay, so no judgment, but just for the record, it's terrifying to be asked to be the picture for that one. There is a recently created heaped hole in a door that I'll probably have to pay for soon.

Um, on the plus side, there's not a dead lady that I can go back to inside that door with a Heath Chabewl. No, right, you're not a cop. Okay, Heath, you think that's bad? Try testing the waters when that's your thing. Yeah, thank you, sir. No. waters when that's your thing. Yeah, thank you, sir. Yeah, so hey, I was thinking, what if I almost murder you? You're trapped.

God, you didn't let me finish because I won't. I promise. I'm very athletic, as you can see. I feel like my default answer would be like, I barely know how to fuck. Let alone regulate the path of air and bloody your brain Hard pass. It doesn't seem like the learning curve here is a little steep. It's like Okay, so that was that one was too hard. Yeah, I'll just go back in time ten minutes All right, well since everybody decided to get super

chojee about this one, let's move on to something else. Thank you, Noah, two votes. Anybody else have any more commentary about the choking one? No, I'm not judgey, I'm just not qualified. Like I did in a 10-jack HVAC seminar. You know, I'm just... All right, so what about menophelia? That's when you're into menstruation sex or in layman's terms,

you're fucking gross. Get out of here. I'm going to shower that all, all, all negative face. All right. What about auto-neepiofilia? And that's when you're aroused by the image of yourself in the form of an infant. Yeah. Fucking what? You know Ted Cruz lives burps him and changes his diaper. You just know.

You know it. It's exactly why Pence calls his wife mother. Yeah. Ah. Ah. Ah. What about liquidophilia? That's when you're into immersing your genitals in liquid.

Doesn't matter which one apparently it just says. I'd argue that a lot of people don't choose deep prior on that. Yeah, it probably does matter. Yeah, ultimately. Yava plaster of Paris guy, I like to leave it in pressure. Yeah. All right. All right. This is a little done in the state.

So I'm gonna make it a mold of a Lego video. Wait a second. No, I got a question though, because like when you got your verse, it's like when your cat dies, they prep rest on the wall in the in the plaster. And they give it to you. Like your last time your balls were fucking it. I'm sorry. Do you have a mold of your cats dead penis? What?

Dead dead. Dead dead like a pop. They put the pop print thing. You guys never hear of that. Where they. When they kill, and they kill your animal with the vats, certain vats, they put a pop print in it. I think they have to do the penis if you ask them.

They're like, they have to. He was sent me up all time. Give for you, buddy. What about erotophonophilia? Anybody into this one? It means you're into murder often of strangers. But sometimes close acquaintances, just not as often. I guess.

Again, very hard to bring this one up during cuddles. I'm just going to say right now. Thank you. You're like, I know we're not like kink shaming here, but if there's a line, this one would seem too broad. I guess could you consent to that? And it feels like, yeah, because if there's a sadist to your music, you'd feel like they'd get weeded out of Tinder real quick.

Right? All right, I'll try it, but just this one's won't, yeah. That's the point. All right, what about mesophilia? That's when you're into breasts. Put way too much. I don't know. Apparently there's no way. How, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, Okay, but like way too much

Are you trying to get inside them? Yeah, is there one for like men who like to use their penis during sex? I want to know how neutral I'm supposed to be about breasts. Yeah, right Lovely five out of 10. Okay. You're a little bit of a hyper-peen. I don't know. Maybe just back it off, get some fingers going, something.

Yeah, that's a weird one. Okay. What about fetorism? That's when you're into eating, feeding, and weight gain. Love it. I wouldn't say I'm into it so much as I'm too lazy to stop doing it. It is that. At least you're not as lazy as the guy who came up with that fucking name,

Fedirism, really? Yeah. Everyone else got a failure and that guy was like, feeding. You just say feeding ism. So what you said just now? Guys, we were doing fow were doing feelings did you say eat fuck all right and that leads us right into copper

failure which is shit play and I'm going to pair that obviously with urola which ironically sounds like a nickname for melania trump and your o'lawnia is when you're into getting peed on and or being the peer. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wouldn't one include the other who's not, do this fucking drop a dosenot pee? How is this not a peanut butter chocolate thing? Right? What?

What? I like to eat the chocolate and then do that. No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's not about a reason. Someone's gonna shittin' your mouth now. You're gonna fuck them with my listers. And they're gonna shittin' your mouth because of that joke. And I am here for it. I'll have a clip for it and a stopwatch will be great. I feel like if shit play though is your thing like bitching about a little pee would be like

bitching about the thread count on the legs. Like, you're covered in shit. Now is not the time to sweat a small stuff. That is the name of your book. That is the name of your book. Oh, my God. My life. That is the name of your book. Tom's covered in shit. Okay, you're in really? We're done here.

You're disgusting. Grow up. All right. Tom. So, what about metrophilia? That is poetry sex. That's a fucking great one. One totally doesn't exist.

Two, if it did, it's called homosexuality. So I don't know. Or Lemrex? No, what you were right. Right, yeah. Do you like, do you fuck a poem? I mean, I'm not saying I don't wanna try this. I just don't know how.

You would do that. You said to the man from Nantucket. Oh, okay. I'm pretty sure that's it. You gotta find him. All right, what about Eprocdo, Felia? That's Fartsex. Ooh.

Followed question, is there Dildo the whoop pushin'? All right, nobody else wants to comment on Fartsex? Noted, how about Omurashi? This is a fun one. That's a rousal from having a full bladder and or wetting yourself or from seeing somebody else have a full bladder or wet themself. Like some dude just like wakes up with a piss boner

is like I have to pee or fuck, I'm not sure. My dick is autistic, I don't know. Oh, shit. Jesus. All right. And no more comments on that one either. I think we're getting a picture about everybody based on the silences. Okay.

What about Toxophilia? That is archery. It just says archery. What? Well, I guess we get five votes for that girl from Hunger Games. Right? She can shoot me wherever she is. Ooh, ooh, no doubt.

Okay, archery, but. How about forna, Felia? And that's when you like turning a human being into a piece of furniture and then fucking the furniture, I guess. Well, like, Adin, what do we talk about here? Yeah, girl, slip off that chiffero but let's do it like the ottoman alright what about

sofifilia which means you have a learning fetish hey hey neckbeard sitting at home who thinks that's you. It's not you. It's not you. You know, it's not you. You're listening to a comedy podcast, not a book on tape about science. No, I use flashcards during sucks, but I feel like that's more of a multitask than a kink. I don't know. I'm not a feedback. Anything. Okay, this last one, this is by far my favorite. There's something called Simphrorophilia. Simphrophilia. And that is a sexual fetish that involves staging disasters like car accidents.

Oh, Jesus. I thought I did a lot of work putting, like lighting a few candles and putting on berry rice. Like, Jesus Christ. That's a great thing, right? It's like, I made this pineapple upside down, I did a lot of work putting like lighting a few candles and putting on berry rice. Like, cheese is no better. It's like, it's like a winet. Oh, I made this pineapple upside down cake and I lit a motorcycle on fire.

What a fuck, I know. No. No. You had me at pineapple. Oh. All right, so if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be?

Ah, well, basically the entire field of sexuality is a way for people to get research grants that pay for intensive study of their tinks. And I guess if that's not kid stuff, I think it's fantastic. So are you ready to face a quiz from the panel?

So it's this podcast. I am ready. All right, Heath, I'm going to go first. What is the most common excuse for not turning in your homework in sexology class? Hey, I know it's a group project, but I finished it solo The Heathen right story be I

Did it I just did it my other school in Niagara Falls and you probably never heard See my dog ate it after I generously applied peanut butter to it I'm gonna go with F. There's a toothbrush in my dick hole. It is secret answer F. All that hurts. All right, so heath obviously there's still so many questions. Exology has yet to answer. Which of the following is the most burning? A, how come when you fuck sometimes and then you go pee afterwards your stream like goes in two different directions for a second Why did I stop having wet dreams like what happens? Is it see did you come?

It's see it's see question over question over it's see it's a I said I already decided all right. I already said it's your see is Incorrect. It's D. No, it's correct in it's not correct Not correct all right and just quick quick piece of it. You got to ring it out so you don't get the double string I got a ring out my penis ring it like a towel. I had a one out my penis. I got a towel. My life is filled with a towel. Like thank you. Like twisting it. Jesus Christ. I will. You got to turn you turn the elbows out. No, that is not worse. Yeah, I'd rather have a sprinkler in the game. Okay, with that. You got to hit it with a hammer first. I got a stuff of toothbrush up there. That's the key.

That's the key. We'll talk. We was not probably never again. All right guys. All right guys, getting to watch his sexual coming of age story unfold here on citation needed has been beautiful. Large thank you. Wonderful.

Wonderful. What other topics will he learn about in his late 30s? Hey, how to buy a car without your dad coming with you to the dealership? Not that one. Jesus. He's a real man. I'm sorry, man. All right.

Ah, be where you're tied. It loosened and slip over your head like a middle school kid. See how to shop for food and then later cook some of it. Or D, basic telephone etiquette. Means, me and hurtful. I'm sorry. Okay, that lasted. That is super mean. That's why it's the punchline.

That's super mean. Super market thing. I've been trying to cut down on sugar so I don't buy my normal like, you know, palette of oatmeal cream pies anymore. But now what that means is I eat cheddar cheese like an apple in the car on the way home for a supermarket. So I will, I will.

I think it's like, I think that's decidedly. You need to scream the word keto while you're doing it. He just got a big, he's got a big cup of fun dude. He's just talking to the fucking Spice Bitches. It's fun dude season motherfucker. I was shit 16 days. Sugar so bad for you. Sugar so bad for you. Wait, it's great. I don't see a feeling my blood anymore. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I was shit 16 days sugar so bad for you sugar so bad

I'm using weight. It's great. I don't So I feel like I'm a blood anymore, but I am down 10 pounds of Of you. Oh god. I feel like that was the wrong guess to answer ever. So I think Tom Want. I'm pretty sure Tom won. He gets to host next week and choose next week's essayist. All right. Noah, your turn, budding. All right, just remember that you asked for this, and now I'm gonna toss it over to Sarah for last week's Twitter answer, and this week's Twitter question.

Thanks, Noah. Last week's question was, what will you leave inside your body for the paramedics to find, to help promote the show upon your death? The answer comes from Nathan on Facebook with this. I'll have an unlicensed physician open me up and tattoo the words, Jean, Benet, Ramsey.

Ancitationpod.com on my liver. This week's question is, make up the best first and last name of a sexology professor. Just retweet or Facebook share this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner. Back to you Noah. All right, well for Tom, Cecil Eli and Heath, I'm Noah, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then,

I'll be an expert on something else, but between now and then, if you're looking for some more Malif Lewis us to make love to, you can hear more from us on the skating aides, the Skeptocrat, God off on movies and or cognitive dissonance. And you want to help keep this show going you can make a per episode donation at patreon dot com slash citation pod or leave us a five star review everywhere you can

and if you'd like to get in touch with us check out past episodes connect with us on social media or check the show notes be sure to check out citation pod dot com okay uh what about everybody I dated in high school? That's a good topic. She's, come on, no, come on. No, all right. Okay, the history of my favorite chair. No, what, that's, I thought that was a good one too.

Okay, World War II. That could be okay, that's movies. I watched with the girls I dated in high school. Damn it. Saving Ryan's private. The girls I dated in high school. Damn it. Saving Ryan's private.