Citation Needed - Insane Beauty Treatments

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

Insane Beauty Treatments are a thing that doesn't have a Wikipedia page. Sorry. Normally we just do a quick and easy copy/paste for this, but that only works when we stay inside the format of the show. So ... how are things with you? We never talk about you. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

No, Tom, you're not owning the picture, you're owning the token of the picture on the blockchain. Okay, that's nonsense and I hate it. I hate it. No, but it's non-fungible. That's not helping. That doesn't even look like it. No, it's not. Hey, Alex!

Jesus, what the fuck? What did you do? What's happening? This is terrifying. Oh! This! Yeah, I don't know. You face?

I don't know if you guys remember, but we got this little email during vulgarity for charity this year ranking or attractiveness. You came in last. We remember last last last. Oh my god. Not even in the middle. Like just last is that how it happened? I don't remember.

You don't remember because you emailed that person back like four times. I'm pretty sure the block you want email. Yeah. I didn't know you can do that. I don't know how you do that but you figured out anyway. Anyways, I've been meaning to get an easy bit of work done. Anyway, so I figured it's easy. No.

Yeah, yeah. Just got around to that, you know, facelift tummy tuck calf and plant face lift, hairline alignment, Botox lip plum, they said facelift twice. I think you just got no, I got to. I got to. I don't know that all this is, I don't think it's good for you. I can't possibly. Oh, man. I knew this was coming. I'm the most attractive one now. And you guys are jealous. My team of doctors who advertise on buses, like all super good medical professionals. Warned me this might happen.

When you blink your mouth closes involuntarily. That's where you're wrong, Keith. When I free, I blink. Oh, okay, got it. Yeah, that's better. With Tron. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now.

I'm Heath and joining me to talk about physical beauty, we have a panel of audio podcasters. Kind of look like an evolution chart of the dad bod. Eli Tom and Cecil. I mean, that's only true if the dad bod evolved from the bad bod. I feel like I'm one of those celebrity photos. Like, you know, the celeb on the beach just titled, has Tom given up a spoiler? Yes, yes, I have. Very much so. The cruel, cruel trick in nature that the childless can be dead bodied. It's just cruel as fuck. Yeah, man, I'm all the way dead. But to be clear, I'm part of this chart too. Maybe I'm on one side because of tall. So there you go.

I don't know which, whether I'm further close to dead, but we're all deadbods. Let's be honest. We're not the evolutionary one hunched over. That's for sure. Yeah, that's fair. Why are there still dadbods? So Tom, place, thing, concept phenomenon or event. Are we going to be talking about today? Well, today, Heath, we are going to be talking about some seriously insane, dangerous beauty products and treatments. Okay. And how would you describe your personal beauty situation right now? Right now, I'm all gussied up and ready for a night out on the town. He's fantastic. Okay. So, um, let's get started anthropologically speaking.

Where do we begin? As long as there have been people, it seems there's been a desire to change and enhance or modify the body to make us more attractive to others. Now, let's face it, as complicated as humans might pretend to be, at the end of the day, the drive to be attractive is deeply ingrained to us by our very biology. We want to fuck. And if we didn't evolve to want to be fuckable, we'd certainly not have produced billions of us or lasted this long,

despite having perhaps the least useful bodies in the entire animal kingdom. And since humans don't go into seasonal heat and wag our shiny red asses around while wreaking of pheromones, we've had to improvise ways to show the world that we are down. Do we not go into seasonal heat at all? No, we don't go into seasonal. Yeah. None of us do. These real questions from his heart on our. We always win there for us.

Everybody is not doing that. Tom, please, you were doing. You were talking flash cut to heat sadly, putting his big red ass away. That deep-seated biological evolutionary urge to be attractive has led humans to do some seriously weird and dangerous shit to ourselves. All right. I am taking notes. Next time a listener ranks our attractiveness, top four, baby. I mean, super cool about this. So people are aroused or excited are pupils naturally dilate. And so large pupils are commonly seen as attractive and beautiful. This was particularly true in Renaissance Italy,

where enlarged pupils were very much in fashion. Naturally, women needed to find a way to keep their pupils enlarged even when not in a state of higher rouse. So it became fashionable for women to squeeze Beladana. Otherwise, no one has deadly nightshade into their eyes. Now, this did have the desired effect of dilating the pupils. So, you know, it's a win there, but it was also called deadly nightshade because it is a fucking poison. Okay, yeah. Right on the nose. And it did have the bad habit of eventually causing blindness. Your eyes are like pools of blood. Okay, counterpoint, they were attracting Italian men. So seems like a win for everybody here, Tom. Maybe look at the upsides. Yeah, also just new rule. Maybe we don't give deadly poisons happy positive names

like beautiful woman flower. Great marketing campaign for that poison flower. Just an awesome marketing campaign. Sometimes the goal wasn't to look more sexual, but more demure, less overtly sexual. And we all know how incredibly sexy having hair is. And so did the women of Renaissance Italy. In fact, women of the Renaissance were absolutely convinced that any facial hair was just too much. And so it was a common practice for women to pluck. Now, if you're thinking, well, that's not so weird, lots of women pluck stray hairs. Yeah, they do. But the fashion at this time was a completely smooth, hairless face with a total five head. So plucking was ramped up a notch. The lip plucked.

Eyebrows plucked. Eyelashes. You know, also plucked. The hairline, your hairline plucked to make more forehead. We're talking smooth as a billiard ball with eyes poking out. You hear that he, you were a pretty lady in Renaissance. It is. Jesus Christ. Uh, you and I though are fighting for last place. Oh, yeah. No, fine for last place.

Yeah. Listen, if you're supposed to pluck eyebrows, I'm not winning that contest. That's true. That's your kill. He's healed. That beauty. But the Mr. Heat, the I am proud. Renaissance lady comes to fucking modern times and falls in love with powder from that movie. Oh, thank God. Thank God that actor gets to live enough 20 years. Someone has referenced him.

Now, if you watch those period dramas of the 18th century, where women had those huge sculpted March Simpson hairs, you'll be familiar with this one. It was the fashion to wear enormous decorative wigs for women of a certain social status. And while again, wigs are nothing terribly new or controversial, these wigs were so enormous and elaborate that they had wooden frames to hold them up. And then they were shaped with beef lard. Wow. So, hum, combine the rancid animal, along with the historically low standards and options

for hygiene and pest control, and the result were wigs that were absolutely teeming with lice and no shit, sometimes actual rats nests. Like the rats, actual rats would be inside rats built nests in lady hair. That's pretty awesome. In fairness though, I do keep a little dab of beef lard behind my ear a lot of the time. And it's less. It's like to play with dogs.

It's for playing with dogs. They like it. They get excited. So I just have a little bit. It's odevo. What? Voe. It's cow in French.

Vosha's cow in French. Vos is cow in French. It's close. I got it. That's the best thing that's nailed it on this show. So just the dead silence after what I was trying to figure out. I like it. I miss the joker. It's like a joke.

It's close. Thank you. One of those things in a way. You are the crook and all of jokes. You like just say Ode Vos right now. We'll paste it in in this daddy. No, because it's funnier because it rhymes. That's mine's better. I've always considered myself the crook and all of Joe's. Just say Ode to Vos right now. We'll paste it in. No, because it's funnier because it rhymes. That's mine's better. Yep. Never mind. I used it anyway. The tiny waste has often been in vogue and corsets have

been used by many to enhance that hourglass shape. Corsets and waste training still used by some women today, but they are not without their dangers. Yeah, those tricks are crazy. Oh, sorry, Tom, at the corsets, everyone, Tom at the corsets. So the corsets used by Victorian women were sent. Do you have a dramatic? You like to introduce me to a woman using a corset today who's like Of course it's are the surfboards of women we all know what's going on there. It's a problem. I stay if this is how I go down Man, my style of place to go

This is a fun hill. This is a fun hill. And that was the last podcast you buy by the time. I have appeared on the course. It's used by Victorian women were cinched so tightly. They were wildly dangerous. The constriction could put pressure on the internal organs, including the lungs, making it difficult to breathe. The trope of the fainting spell of Victorian women likely comes from course it's making women straight up just pass out. Remember too that tuberculosis was also something of a problem at this time. And of course, women with diminished lung capacity have fared rather worse when contracting respiratory diseases. Victorian Joe Rogan shoving Iver Mectin in a fainting girl's mouth.

Okay, now he's peeing. Is he peeing? In 1849, Charlotte Bronte wrote, quote, consumption, I am aware, is a flattering melody. And quote, this was a common enough refrain for the time because of all things consumption, aka tuberculosis, was actually considered a fashionable disease of beauty. Now, I will describe what this means from a beauty perspective, but I need to take a moment to note that TB is, it's not, that's not beautiful. tuberculosis causes coughing, amaciation, fever, diarrhea, and then just the hacking up of blood and flams.

None of which sounds at all sexy to me, but it weirdly kind of coincided with Victorian beauty standards. Whoa, whoa. If diarrhea is a Victorian beauty standard, it should be me and that clamshell instead of the red head. Somebody's got to paint that for us. Yes. No.

Sarah. Yeah. The birth of Venus with the only positive. The girth of Venus. The emaciation of consumption caused the collarbones to protrude, which was a hallmark of Victorian beauty, as was the ghostly pallor and the rosy cheeks caused by a constant fever. Because the disease and the beauty standards so closely aligned, they eventually just overlapped and then it all became very confusing. Women who didn't have consumption would wear makeup to mimic women who did have consumption.

And then women with consumption were sometimes envied for their beauty, even as the disease slowly destroyed them. Wow. It's just like right now with a resting hangover face and crippling imposter syndrome about everybody actually hanging on your jokes. It's just like, it's on the TikTok right now. It's the same. So. And you make a joke about how your comedy ballast of people like they run with the joke because

it's a joke. It's not, it's not a real. You don't really think that about you. And then I do the tallest the only thing you think of the best positive. Jesus Christ. It's just like that. It's joke. Well, the mistystation needed a confessional episode. You guys all know not even laughing. You're not. You lie.

Did you think it was funny? What I just had. Yeah, you can say. That's how you know it. It tried to polite laugh, but it got stuck in his throat and he tried out to vomit instead. Yeah, mostly it's just silence, but once in a while, once in a while. You've had this kind of in the source of my mental illness, the last of your life. So, are getting back to the binding power of the course and let's not forget those with

a thing for feet. Feet are the most fetishized body part And that trend seems to span time and location. I feel like tits and badges are winning, but hey, whatever convinced you aren't we? Does that cut as a fetish? It doesn't look to no. It doesn't. That's okay. Yeah. That's the difference. That's just like the vagina. It becomes fetish beyond when you go anywhere else, right? Exactly. A typically nonsexual body part. So high heels are a normal if often painful part of a woman's fashion choices now, but that, that pain is nothing compared to the Chinese practice of foot binding.

This trend dates back at least as far as the 10th century was primarily a practice for upper class and wealthy families. Binding the biscuits often began on girl children as young as two years old, and the bindings were so tight and restrictive that they caused terrible pain and crippling permanent deformity. The practice of foot binding in Chinese culture mostly died out by the early 20th century. Though as late as 2007, there were still women alive who had been mangled in this way. Fuck.

Okay, so well, I'm glad they didn't realize amputation was like the ultimate input by the law. I'm trying to find a positive here. Level up, level up. So this one is, this one is just fucking bonkers to me. The Mayans would have scoffed at binding something as trivial as the feet because they were into head stuff. The Mayans practiced something called head binding to permanently deform someone's

skull. You have to start early, though, like very early, like pretty much right after birth. This is because a baby's skull is not yet fused. And as a result can be sculpted like bone topiary. The, the Mayan's practice. That's not exaggerating. We're going to see a picture in a second. The Mayan's practice two forms of headbinding. The first typically reserved for those of high rank was meant to induce a skull shape with like a high pointed cone. And guys, I mean, crazy.

Hi, here's a picture, guys, in the notes, this is a real picture I found. Both. It looks like an alien mother I'd like to fuck. I feel like they were on a whole nother level in the Mayan culture with giving head. I'm looking at this like that skull was going inside of something. If I ever go back in time, I'm bringing a copy of uncensored cone heads, they'll fucking lose it. If you guys saw the atrocity that was like kingdom of the crystal skull, it really does look like that, but not crystal.

Yeah. Looks exactly like that, but not crystal. Yeah. Looks exactly like that. To be there definitely real. Yeah, 100% picture. I'm looking at. There's lots of examples of it. Yeah, lots of examples. No, I'm still the doubts. So for those with less high rank, the general population, they just sort of flattened a side of the skull is how they described it. So I guess the good skull stuff was just for the rich. Okay, I like that the poor people tried though. You know what I'm saying? They were like, all right, we can't afford a fancy baby laze.

What if we just be like a wall sushi thing and maybe we rotate it? We already got a wall. We just got to like, we're like, we're on. Okay, that's like the public school system. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's like my dad giving me magazines to be my hockey shinny art. Exactly.

I had the same struggle as a poor Mayan child. And you know what? We don't talk about it enough. We don't talk about it enough. All right. Now, when you think beauty and you think teeth, I know your mind, like mine naturally turns to England. And as bad as things might seem now, they are leaps and snaggles better than they were

during the reign of Queen Elizabeth. Dental hygiene at this time was to be extremely generous, fucking atrocious. It was worse than fucking atrocious actually. You know that old saying, don't look a gift queen in the mouth. No, that's probably because of the smell. Nobody wants to look a queen in the mouth. You see, Queen Elizabeth had such a sweet tooth without a sweet toothbrush that her teeth rotted so much they turned black. And since she was the queen, she was the natural beauty trendsetter. So women all over England wore what amounted to tooth makeup, to black and their teeth,

to look like they too had royally rotten faces. Okay. So all of Europe looked like golem eating a live squid for most history. That's name. And that means it's, I don't know why it means that, but that means it's time for a quick break for some apopole of nothing. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heathenri. You know, we've had a lot of fun today talking about the truly horrific ways that society is mutilated women's bodies. What? What would we say, fun?

But if I can get serious for a moment, there's one beauty treatment that I've been using my entire life and I just can't recommend it enough. Clueless, white guy confidence. Oh, what's... Clueless, white guy confidence. I'm glad you asked, Heath. It's the feeling of sitting on top of a snow fort you didn't build and think you do yourself. I built this with my own two hands.

Okay, but you just said you didn't build it. Take a moment to Google me. Really? Gaze on the fact that I look like a scrapped Pixar villain about a haunted mind and then remember that a non-zero amount of humans have agreed to let me have sex with them. Okay, you gotta admit that is impressive. Yes, yes it is. So throw that makeup in the garbage, cancel that Botox appointment, and get yourself some clueless white guy confidence today. No, no. No. And we're back.

When we left off, I was feeling personally uncomfortable about being attracted to the bonehead skull shape of my aneurysm, Dr. C, that was created with a baby lathe that they must have had. Tom, you go now. You talk. Okay. All right. For many women, makeup plays an essential role in their lives. And that makeup has served a wide variety of goals in different cultures and times. For women in the 18th century of Europe, the standard for

beauty was, as we discussed in the consumption portion of this program, a ghostly complexion. To achieve that signature look. Foundations were produced, which of course, yeah, they contained lead lead is just fantastically bad for you. Like, it's bad for you always and in any amount. And when applied to the skin, it caused irritation and blemishes, which then needed to be covered up with lead and more lead based makeup. You get the idea, it's a circle. The price of beauty when it comes to lead poisoning sometimes leads to brain swelling, paralysis and organ failure. Well, if your brain swells just Papusier had like a Mayan. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Let was not the only poison used to make up, not by a long shot.

Arsenic was also a common beauty ingredient for their bodies of unwanted hair. Women sometimes used arsenic cells as a de-pilatory cream. This was not only painful and dangerous because it involved burning shit off of themselves, but it was being burned with actual poison, which sometimes poison to them with poison. Okay. Who's the terrifying marketing guy who made that happen? He's like, all right, we got this poison cream. Really just selling it to poison guys, though.

What a fleet. What the fuck? I have no idea. Did not satisfy to smear arsenic on their legs and arms. Arsenic was also straight up consumed as a beauty aid. Advertisements for arsenic as a beauty tonic touted its ability to give women a fresh glowing look with bright, vibrant eyes. And also, arsenic was supposed to give you big boobs.

So far, the only things we know of that cause boobs to get bigger are puberty and surgery. Definitely not arsenic. What arsenic does cause are cramped muscles, diarrhea, blood in the urine, hair loss, stomach pain, convulsions, and sometimes death. None of which sounds synonymous with youthful vigor. But don't worry makeup wearing podcast listener. We will never find out that anything in makeup is poisonous ever again. We've got it all figured out now.

I promise. So, cheese and scotch will get you those bigger boobs if you want, if anybody's curious. So the shape of skulls, feet and waist are not the only things that have been historically obsessed over. The nose also enters into that equation. In fact, rhinoplasty is the most common plastic surgery for men and the fourth most common for women. The shape of one's nose has implications for beauty and ethnicity. So, it's no surprise that attempts to reshape the shnauz have been made. An old timey advertisement I stumbled across for a nose helmet. Looks like a weird ball gag come braces for the nose. The idea it appears was to smash the nose into the desired shape,

and then just hope it would sort of reform to fit the shape of its vessel. This did not of course work, but it does look both wonderfully stupid and almost certainly painful. Fellas, here's a picture. That definitely looks like an amateur boss. It's a bass that's like a semi pro boss. It's like a. It's like a training bra for Gonzo. It's crazy. It's crazy. I also can I just appreciate that in the time before photos, you got to just draw your before an after pictures and be like, yeah, that's how it ended. So Mercury was recently found in beauty products. I'm so sorry.

I didn't know. It's actually very frequently found in beauty products. Still, I know this because I read a page from the FDA's website warning consumers to not buy skin lighteners and creams and makeups with mercury in them. If you're wondering why the FDA can't just like pull that shit off the shelves when they're full of fucking mercury. Yeah, that is because cosmetics are entirely unregulated. No one is making sure they're safe and the industry

is responsible for policing itself, which is precisely why there is mercury in modern cosmetic beauty products. We need a cap and trade system for mercury poisoning. That industry is going to regulate itself. Whenever that happens, doesn't it go well? I feel like it goes well. You don't love capitalism. Are you saying those men and women who look like they've been pressed between the pages of a book that runs away in the industry are not the paracons of integrity? Because I will not have them blasphemed on this podcast. A years ago, the Mercury wasn't hidden in the products, but was advertised as having Mercury in it. The Mercury was advertised as having mercury in it.

The mercury was a cure for blemishes. I have no idea if it worked to get rid of acne or not, but I do know that it is easily absorbed through the skin and is a potent neurotoxin. So it's probably worth it. Now, if you remember the story we did about Murray Curie, you'll remember that when radio was first discovered, people went absolutely apeshit for it. Radio was marketed as a cure and treatment for just about everything you can imagine. So it's no surprise that an ad in 1905 for radion chin straps demonstrates the public eagerness to coat themselves in radioactive isotopes. The public thought

of it energized the skin and cure blemishes. In practice, it was radiation. So it didn't so much energize the skin as caused cancer and degeneration of bone and tissue. But I mean, it did those things beautifully. Okay. I know it's a little late to bring this up in the essay, but how did none of this working and almost always killing you make it past the testing phase of the process. I feel like you can't really fail the test when both people like you and the tester are talking in the old time, like carnival Barker voice.

Let's try it out. Let's try it out. So all right, sure. Try some radium, tonic, only a nickel. Does it work? Sure does. Bye. Try some radium tonic, only a nickel. Does it work? Sure does. But I, Bolly, see, it's like, yeah, I said, I don't know.

It's there. No matter what it feels. And similarly, X-ray technology was, after its discovery, Harold did as something of a cure all. You used to be able to go to the shoe store and then stick your feet under active fluoroscopy and then watch the bones in your foot wiggle about as you flex your currently irradiating feet. Exposure to X-rays was discovered to cause hair loss. And like arsenic, it quickly gained use as a dipilatory.

Of course, X-rays in safe amounts don't cause hair loss, so some people would spend as many as 20 hours under X-rays to induce the hair loss effect. It did work to eliminate unwanted hair, but it had the unfortunate side effect of causing terrible terrible cancer. Our final story involves freckles. As an extremely pale man with freckles, these tiny dots of pigment seem like a suntan cocktail to me, but they have often been, quite like myself, noticeably out of fashion. At least two utterly mad inventions were created to manage the scourge of unwanted melon and smudges, the first was a kind of freckle freezer.

The idea was to use a sort of pen filled with dry ice to freeze the tissue of the freckle and kill it. Once destroyed, the wound would heal and the offending freckle would be gone. The problem is that dry ice is just dangerous as all hell, both to touch and to inhale significant amounts of vapor from. And they have anywhere near your eyeballs. I'm so pissed. That's gross. No. Super nano. significant amounts of vapor from. And they have anywhere near your eyeballs. I mean, that's so gross.

No, super nano. So recipients of this treatment were strapped to a chair so they didn't accidentally move. A tube was crammed into their mouths like a tiny metal snorkel so they drew clean, fresh warm air away from the vapor of the dry ice. And then metal rods with little cups to hold their eyes closed were affixed to them. And once they were all rigged up, only then was the negative 109 degree pen touched to their

otherwise perfectly healthy skin in an attempt to destroy the flesh so that it would emerge from its frozen ashes, beautiful and marred only by the sometimes terrible scars. If of course things did not go well. Skinny, it's just like a Phoenix, the mythical bird. Yep, I've heard that. And you have some, because what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? Beauty is a real beast. And are you ready for the quiz?

Let's do it. All right, Tom, we learned earlier about the rats nest in the wigs. What is the best vermin hair treatment? A, Selson Shrew. Oh, that's fantastic. Nutriagina. Sine. Aquanat.

D, gerbil essences. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That's a toss up between Selson Shrew. Matt, D, gerbil essences. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That's a toss up between Celsius and shrew and gerbil essences. I feel like, I feel like you can't tame a, it's Celsius and shrew. Okay, it absolutely is. I have a question for you, Tom.

Okay, let's hear it. The list of side effects that you just told us about from terrifying old time beauty products included headache, dizziness, loss of muscle control, seizures, vision impairment, severe skin rash, nausea and diarrhea, among other things. Did I also just list the side effects literally for Ivermectin? Jay, yes, the fuck I did. I also, it's also COVID. I didn't say COVID. It's also COVID is a side effect.

See also drinking pee is a side effect now. You're a biological terrorist. All of the above. Oh, God. I feel I feel led by this question. I'm fairly certain it's not so much. It is. All right, Tom, before we laugh too hard at the past, which of the following treatments

is real and still in use today? A, the vampire facial in which people draw their own blood out of their body and then smear it all over their face. B, a jade egg you put in your vagina for some reason. C, a steam laser for home but hair removal use. Wait a minute, wait a minute, I have questions about the words steam laser. You should. I have so many questions about steam laser. Absolutely. It's a regular laser. It's words steam laser. You should. I have so many questions about steam laser. Absolutely.

It's a regular laser. It's just steam power. Down. Exactly. You're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you your butt hair removal set. You don't have to add the step of the steam laser. I'm really just making it more complicated than it has to be or D something that is not on the first page of Gwyneth Paltrow's website. Well, if it's on Gwyneth Paltrow's website, I take back my objections to the idea of a steam laser and I'm going with incorrect. Uh, which was

I would which was the correct. We don't know how the game was. I just want to add something. See a steam laser.

I believe is a vaginal steam laser, not a but hair removal. They have a but hell. They have a but hole one too. They have, are you serious right now? Yeah, I was trying not to do Vag Vanche. So I went with the but hole. Sure. So you you're telling wait, you're telling me goop.

Guinath Poutrose company has both a virgin to the legal. They have a vaginal scheme laser and a but hair removal steam laser. Our very sweaty lawyer wants me to phrase this sentence in a way, the different way that I'm going to. Yes. Okay. You know what, Eli wins. Good research. I win. All right. And our lawyer loses.

All right, I want Cecil to do an essay next week. All right. Well, for Tom Noah, Cecil and Eli, I'm he, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then Cecil will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can hear Tom and Cecil on Cognitive Disnance, and you can hear Eli know and myself on God awful movies, The Skating Atheist, The Skeptocrat, and D&D Minus.

And if you'd like to be a serious patron of the arts, you can also make a per-up-sodination to us at patreon.com slash citation pod as well as what you would be as a serious patron of the arts, and if you'd like to get't know about that, but why don't we just take the pictures anyways? Your forehead is bleeding again, Eli. Yeah, I tried to smile this morning, so... Did it work? Yeah, it did. It was a little bit of a mess.

I was like, I'm not sure, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. that, but why don't we just take the pictures anyways? You're forehead is bleeding again, you know, yeah, I tried to smile this morning. So did it work?

Okay.