Citation Needed - Jenkem

Episode Date: February 5, 2020

Jenkem is an inhalant and hallucinogen created from fermented human waste.[1] In the mid-1990s, it was reported to be a popular street drug among Zambian street children. They would reportedly put the feces and urine in a jar or a bucket and seal it with a balloon or lid respectively, then leave it out to ferment in the sun; afterwards they would inhale the fumes created.[2][3][4][5] In November 2007, there was a moral panic in the United States after widespread reports of jenkem becoming a popular recreational drug in middle and high schools across the country, though the true extent of the practice has since been called into question.[6][7] Several sources reported that the increase in American media coverage was based on a hoax and on faulty Internet research.[8]   Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

Well, it's good. It's, it's Moffit does Dracula. I mean, guess he's got a really cool take and then he 100% can't follow through on it. I mean, I said it was Moffit. Oh. Okay, me, my turn, my turn. There you go. Don't hold it. Come on.

That's really good. Okay, guys, guys, what are you doing? it. Come on. That's really good. Okay guys, guys, what are you doing? You know what? I don't care. Give me some. My turn. What the fuck? I was next.

I was in the line. There is plenty. That's true. There isn't an awful lot of it, I noticed. Guys, drugs in the studio. Come on. We talked about this. What?

I don't know. It's research, Cecil. Plus, Eli has a super great jankham hookup. This is good stuff. Jankham. I don't know, it's research, C-Sole, plus Eli has a super great, Jankham hook up. This is good stuff. Jankham, I do. Really, Jankham? Yes, the street drug made a, you who in beer vapor, I think,

fuck you up. Oh, nice. But I love Jankham. You guys haven't read Eli's essay on this yet, have you? No, why? No, I've never read one of these essays. What is your essay? I don't read one of these essays. What is it? The essay?

I don't read it. Jacob isn't you who, and beer flavor. Oh, well, what is it then? Well, it's poop. It's poop. What is it? What did you say? You guys are breathing.

You're breathing Eli's fermented poop. That's what you're breathing. I've done worse shit to get high. And you know what, this explains the blood? Because it's mine. Because it's yours, yeah. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed. Now normally I would say that this is the podcast or you choose subject for you to single article about them like a PDF or pretend we're experts because it's internet that's

how it works out. But today Eli wrote something and I have no idea or desire to understand his method or what dark corners of the webby frequency But today dear listener Eli is going to lead us down Another internet rabbit hole and teach us about skepticism other holes to this will take This will take a miracle now to introduce the panel Three guys that don't believe in miracles know a Tom and he

Dude, I'm such a skeptic. I have my doubts about that man. I Even believe that's not butter what I Do believe in miracles Cecil since you came along You don't need a miracle you just need a tiny bit of thing. He's not guys with me. I am. You don't need a miracle. You just need a tiny bit of game. That's all you need is a tiny bit. Oh, okay.

So I'm smirked up with you. You're turning on of the game for it. Also joining us tonight. A man who spends a lot of time on snopes, mostly false section, Eli Bosn. Hey, so lots of people have their own page on Wikipedia. I've got my own page on Wikipedia. I've got my own page on Snopes. Who's the...

No, you don't. Dear listeners, if you love the high quality of the show we put out, please go to the back catalog and listen to one of them. If you'd like to give us money, and if you'd like to learn how to do that, listen to one of those shows and With that out of the way tell us know what person place thing concept phenomenon or event Will you be talking about today? Okay real quick quick prediction. This will be the least patron new patron to episode And why you may ask and that's because we're gonna be talking about poop huffing. Oh, Cecil.

Oh, or as the title of the essay puts it, jencom. Oh, great. And Eli, you're mostly gas and full of shit. And these, these, this has never been more apropos. Are you ready to say words? Let's hope I don't blow it, Cecil. So Eli, tell us what the fuck is, Jankham? It's a zambian street jug that in the year of our Lord 2007 swept the United States, caused a national outcry, and in the end transformed

the very laws of our nation itself. Okay, okay. But what it is. Mostly none of the things he's just saying. Also none of those things. It's pooping in a jar and breathing it in to get high, see, so that's what it is. This here Eli is why we don't let you do essay. Well, partly because his essays are about stuff like huffing poop fumes, but also because his essays are

like huffing poop fumes. but also because his essays are like huffing poop fumes. Gosh, you get the experience no matter what. This one's kind of like a horror boris. Very true. All right, now onto the line. Okay, now I want to say at the outset that this story has a necessary but super duper, not funny origin story, but listener.

Stick with me because this gets so goddamn fantastic. It will be worth the tragedy I promise you it will be worth the tragedy is my very favorite pickup lines Okay, Eli, let's hear the origin story. I mean how dark a place can sniffing your own poop come from orphans of the zambian AIDS crisis, Cecil. What? Jesus. Okay. Like I said, bear with me.

But first, a little background on AIDS. Again, really excellent pickup line. It works. It's a conversation starter. This is great. Just get your writings. This is great. There's comedy gold, Eli.

Let's hear your tight five on AIDS history. It's good. So the origin of HIV AIDS was in all likelihood SIV, Simeon Immunov deficiency virus, more commonly known as monkey AIDS. Fun fact, lots of animals have some form of AIDS. Yes, super fun. Can you list some maybe? I can. Heath, there's feline AIDS, even birds?

AIDS. Oh great. It's just, it's not strictly a human monkey thing. That was fun. Yeah, so at the turn of the 20th century, European colonists brought two things to Africa. The first was guns. The guns were used to steal African land, establish

a partite states all across the continent, and generally do bad white people stuff. Now because of the land stealing bits, more and more native populations relied on bushmeat rather than traditional agriculture to survive. Monkeys, chimps, and even apes are a necessary food source when you've been kicked off your farm or land and this bush meat is probably where the first siv to human contact took place. In fact, the common myth that like a dude fucked a monkey actually has its origins in racist propaganda at the start of the AIDS crisis. I don't want to argue with your math here, are you like, but I'm pretty sure it was homophobic propaganda that started that. It's a compilation.

Yeah, everyone knows you have to cook them right to cook out all the fucking monkey aids. You know, I suggest you blanch and then shock the monkey. Oh, that's a great joke. Peter gave me a good book, everybody. There we go. Yeah. Wow.

Ironically enough, SIV, or as it would become no one is fully mutated. I feel like that would go on my Toto joke. You got the monkey, you just straight it out of it, you put it in the ice water, and it shocks the monkey. It's perfect. The great color on it after that. Now ironically enough, SIV, or as it would become known when it fully mutated to pass from

human to human, each IV wouldn't have been nearly as common If it wasn't for the second thing Europeans brought with them Needles. Yeah, that propaganda about people doing heroin with monkeys was weird Oh, he's I think needles was the name of the monkey All right, I'm coming. I'm Tucker Carlson's gonna listen to this. It's gonna be on the show next week. Yeah.

I just wanna see that propaganda poster of some dude just shooting up with a fucking monkey. I'm cracking up. Just never in big bold letters underneath it. So monkey. It wasn't until the 1950s on Beyond. Yeah. See, it wasn't until the 1950s and beyond. See, it wasn't until the 1950s and beyond

when European Western antibiotics were brought to the African continent that HIV truly began to spread in earnest. Hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of Africans, were injected with everything from early vaccinations to the cure for sleeping sickness with the same very often unwashed and reused needles. So let that be a lesson to us all.

At least when white people show up to murder you, they're being honest. Over the next 40 years, HIV went from the social equivalent of one of those diseases you see on house to, you know, AIDS. And one of the places where the outbreak was the worst was Zambia. So, for example, between 1985 and 1995, the number of infected went from just over 36,000 infected to almost 700,000. And as any baby koala in Australia right now could tell you, an epidemic of that size results in a fuck ton of orphans.

Well, thank you for an analogy that made that even more fucking depressing Eli. And I just I want to underscore the point here by mentioning that the Zambian population was just over seven million at the time. So like do the math one in 10 Zambians had aides at that point. Just like God damn yeah. Yeah, look to your left, look to your right, don't fuck any of the people you're looking at, don't. That's terrifying. Now, by 1995, the Zambia wasn't just experiencing an epidemic. It was also war torn and literally one of the poorest and most desperate countries on earth. It was so poor that even their orphans had it bad for orphans. Yes, orphans in Angola doing commercials with Sarah McLaughlin playing in the background.

I don't know how that sounded. Sad. Yeah, those Angolan orphans just looking around at what they have to donate to like, I'm not using these needles anymore. She's so... Fuck. And what do you do when Dickensian orphans look at your life and go, Jesus fucking Christ, at least they got the first serving a gruel.

Well, you look for any escape. And most of the time that escape comes in the form of getting high. But again, these are the high, voluptan drug users of Heath and I's hometown with their fancy methamphetamine inclusion, if they know. The orphans of Zambia had to get high on the one and only thing they had plenty of. Human shit. You probably can't produce enough on your own to do the trick, so this might be one of those instances where you have to get high with a little help from your friends. I think this is... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh your mind, or remember that Eli sourced the rest of his essay from like Yik-Yak spark notes.

Eli is the worst thing that ever happened to Yik-Yak. It's not just go crazy. Eli has an abstract next to his name in Yik-Yak. Like there's no- Yik-Yak wrote the Snopes article about Eli and submitted it. So, yeah, according to BBC, that famous fake news source, Zambian teens would put shinn and other refuse into bottles and other containers, let the methane build up at the top and then shoot that shit like a popper.

According to an anesthesiologist who would later be interviewed about the effects of Jankham by Salon Magazine, quote, the inhalation of gases like those produced from Jankham could result in hypoxia, a lack of oxygen flow to the body that could be alternately euphoric and physically dangerous. End quote. And as one boy told the BBC in 1999, quote, with glue, I just hear voices in my head,

but with Jankham, I see visions. I see my mother who is dead, and I forget about the problems in my life, and quote. Okay, it just feels like meeting your dead mom on the ethereal plane, and you're holding a bottle of shit that's been fermenting. Like, that's a whole new problem in your life. Ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, mom, did you see what?

It's no. It feels like the bottle and all that stuff feels superfluous. Just use a portage on in 100 degrees. You're going to see your ancestors guarantee. So in Zambia, apparently, this was a real problem. Maybe not, real. In 2002, the project concerned international Zambia and Fountain of Hope, at least a report called Rapid Assessment of Street Children in Lusaka.

And Jankum was listed as the third most popular drug among Zambian street children, which means if this is correct, these kids were passing up on at least two options. That's two more essays that Eli's got in the bag. Thank you. She's so right. Now, I'm happy to say that Jenkins Houston's Ambia has decreased tremendously over the past couple of decades. However, a combination of the look at the end of her existence.

One could, to the BBC. That's where you could say it. Any enemy of the people, Eli. However, a combination of the reporting on it at the time and good old American boredom would inspire one young teenage heath and cause a generation of boomers to lose their goddamn minds. Well, we started, we started to hit the real part of the story Elias dying to get to the additional lion.

So let's take a quick break from a little apropel of nothing. Hey man, you're turning? Yeah, you got the staff? You got the money? Yeah, right here, five large. Now let's see the staff. Alright. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa What are you doing? What? I'm giving you the product. Not out in the open. Slide it into my hand. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, what the fuck? What? What? This product gets cut. Look at all this blood in here. No, just edge of outlet for lunch mate. It's fine. What's up?

I cannot use this. I cannot move this. Alright, alright, alright, alright. Quiet, quiet. Double the product. double the product. Ugh. This is, this is not right. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Hey everyone, remember that back catalog I was talking about? Well, too fucking late now, we're all in this shit together.

So Eli, tell us what the fuck happened next to these African children? Nothing Cecil, from this point on, nothing but dumb Americans getting what they deserve. I promise. Okay, good, all right. Yeah, the year was 2007 and the internet sucked. YouTube was only two years old, so you still had to click a link in an email

to see a decent cat video. There were chatboards, Cecil. Chatboards as far as the eye could see. Whether are chatboards, there are idiots. Can confirm. Once such congregating place for idiots was a forum known as Toatsy. Toatsy hosted everything from copies of the anarchist cookbook to early reptilians conspiracy theories. A-A-A. David Iich, the biggest secret came out eight years before that these are middle to late reptilian conspiracy Stank erected I stank erected and on June 6th 2007 user

Pickwick posted the following quote Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna become the first Toatsi member maybe the first above the poverty line to try jankum I'm excited and anxious at the same time. It sounds kind of gross. I'll be using my own shit. If anyone has tried it before or knows any tips to do it, that would be appreciated.

Tips and quote. Oh dear, pick, quick. I got a tip for you. Try it as a suppository, but. I'm not feeling anything. I'm kind of productive. Inhaling is the move. Love,

Zambian orphan who posts on internet. Of course. Of course. So this post was accompanied by half a dozen pictures of Pickwick's Jankham setup and preparation. And in later posts, Kim using the drug. Here's how Pickwick described the effects of the drug. Quote,

well, today I finally did it. I became probably the first person in America to huff his own shit gas. Jesus. No video though. Sorry, no camera. I hope you're not too disappointed. I could get pictures though, and I wrote a trip report.

What? I didn't have a camera. A trip report. What was this assignment from stool? What the fuck? You talked about it. See, back when shit posted really meant something. It was pretty too bad.

He continued, today, the bubbles had mostly stopped. The balloon had possibly grown a little bit since last time, but it was oblong from days in the sun, or maybe the gas is inside. So it was hard to tell. The shit in the bottle was very settled, and did not look like shit anymore, even. I first lightly shook the bottle to make sure all the bubbles had popped. Yeah, don't waste it. That's hard to come by. You don't want to waste the

shit with the gas in the bubble areas. I then pinched off the balloon, pinched, took it off from the top. I held that while I huffed from the bobble. After exhaling all air from my lungs. I didn't get sput up. I did somebody not write a pinch, just here. No, everybody just scanned past pinched out of this half and fuck.

God. I held that while I huffed from the bottle. After exhaling all the air from my lungs, I took my straw and inhaled from the inside of the bottle. The flavor of shit struck me. It stuck to the tongue like the flavor after smoking a cigar. What?

Pro tip, stop getting your cigars from Bill Glittendood. Ha ha ha. My body wanted me to stop breathing it, but I kept going by putting the end of the straw further back in my mouth behind my tongue. I took some more breaths of that and waited a few seconds then Inhaled the balloon the balloon was less harsh I could barely taste any of it and it felt like breathing oxygen God damn home-blowing recipes are boring as shit. Oh

That's amazing that he thought moving this straw was like a good I think that he thought moving this straw was like a good strategy. He's like, alright, but I put it on the umami part instead of the bitter part. I actually was just Christ. After breathing it in, I immediately felt that I was passing out. I did not even have time to spit before I became unconscious. When I woke up, my spittle had oozed out of my mouth and down my chin. I asked my friend how long I was out for. He said for about a minute, and that he had repeatedly tried to wake me, but I would not wake up. During this short conversation I began to feel light dissociative effects come over me,

accompanied by buzzing in my ears, feeling got stronger and stronger until I felt like I was in a dream. Really? This was somewhat enjoyable. It made me feel like nothing really mattered. The apathy actually made the rest of the trip more enjoyable. Oh good. Because if you're worried about too much enthusiasm during your shit trip, you know, don't, you can stop.

It's not an apathy apparently. Good. Why? You gotta pause a moment and think about the place you're in in your life when you're huffing poo and thinking, yeah, now I don't care about my life. It's like I'm in a dream about tasting poo. What is happening in this person's life? After I was fully into the dream like state, visual hallucinations began to start. Repetition. I had fleeting visions of people who seemed completely random like my second

grade teacher. I would say something to the person then he or she would disappear. Normally I would be fearful of trips like this, but the dream feeling made it almost fun. Hearing was dull during the trip. I could only hear what I was saying and some random noises like screeching and car noises. After the effects wore off, my friend told me I was mostly talking in gibberish, so I guess I couldn't hear my own voice or anything in the outside world throughout the trip. At the peak of the trip, I saw things like pillars in my lawn that disappeared and shapes in the sky. My sense of time was slowed, so the whole trip felt like it was shorter than it was.

The calm down was mostly auditory hallucinations, like voices and loud cracks. The dream-like feeling lesson, and I drifted back into reality. Thank you. I was so disappointed no one wrote a note in them. In the last parts of the trip I became paranoid from the noises because it felt real instead of like a dream. I asked my friend how long it had been. He said it had been 40 minutes. He also told me that I spent long periods of time staring at different spots. I also, according to him, spoke slurred words to trees and rocks. I was very surprised by how messed up the jankum got me.

That was higher than I have ever been. Other drugs distort reality, but jankum really distorts reality. I was almost completely unaware of my surroundings. My friend said that seeing me was scary, and he was thinking of getting an adult. Thank God he didn't do that. I really want him to get an adult. Thank God he didn't do that. I really want him to get an adult, just like some boomer dad trying to reverse this thing.

He sees his son. He's like, oh, uh, huff my shine oil appallage. I don't know, I've heard that's like the opposite of that. I don't know what, can you tell these apart? I don't know that's saying from old tiny dad times. I don't know what to do. It's a different dad who takes a totally different approach. He just takes the cover off the septic system,

makes his kid off the whole goddamn thing. I only learned a lesson here. I hope you learn a lesson. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Pick-mick concludes. In conclusion, was it enjoyable? No. Not really. Would I do it again? Definitely not. Would I recommend another person to try it? I wouldn't to anyone who I am close to. Yeah, would you recommend I huff my own poop fumes? Is one of them questions you only get the answer if you ask yourself. If you are very adventurous and would try anything, and I guess you should try Jankham, that would fall under the anything cap.

Yeah, that's true. But know that the preparation is not made worthwhile by the trip and post. Somehow depriving your brain of oxygen with shit and methane gives you like a 40 minute vision quest, but doing it with pressurized whipped cream is like a minute. I'll take the whipped cream thing. Right?

Fuck out of here. I'll get 40 whipped creams. Yeah. I like that he would have recommended this to someone you're close to, but like, I don't have like fucking cash here at Walmart. Asked you about it. You're like, yeah, go ahead and huff the stick bottle stupid. What is your return policy on with me?

Now, I'm a good skeptic and I'm dedicated to the truth. So I should say that after this went public, Pickwick claimed that it was entirely a hoax saying, quote, yes, I faked it, the poop was really flowering water toe rolled in the Teller the piss was beer and water the pictures of it after it fermented were of a complete new bottle I never inhaled any poop gas and got high off it. I have deleted the pictures Hopefully no weirdo saved them to his computer everybody save those I just don't want people to ever recognize me as the kid who huffed poopies this time. So as we will learn, two days and a lot more press coverage

after that first post, pickwick posted again, saying, quote, some kid at my school found it, and now he's telling a bunch of people, if my parents find out they'll kill me, please you guys, I'm gonna be known as that shit offer. Come on. Just delete the pictures so they won't be able They'll kill me please you guys. I'm gonna be known as that shit offer Just to make the pictures so they won't be able to prove anything Unrelated but the young pickwick in the pictures, which are still all over the internet by the way has bright red hair And looks like he'll grow up to be very very tall. No, we're not doing we're not getting into this

No, we're not doing we're not getting into this. No, I'm sorry. No time. No, Tim. Hashtag. What? Heath is pick. Okay. Okay.

See, okay. Okay. Oh, check out my only website. He is pick. That's not it. I got it. I got it. You've made your point.

See, it's fun. Is it a he? No. You guys should make a website. I'm just saying, anybody who's listening to us, but I'm, you should make, you said, check out my, I bought the domain name So whether or not heath breathe his own poop he did the world went crazy for it so crazy That some users over on four-chand decided it would be hilarious

Frank to try to convince law enforcement and local schools that jankham was a dangerous and popular new drug among American teams. Yeah, because, you know, trick-or-polleasing though, what the kids are doing. They actually call that the fish in a barrel challenge. Yeah, it's for the story is amazing. Like, everything's been pretty much alive, but this part is fantastic and true. That's about to start now. This is a lie. This is definitely a lie, A beautiful, beautiful lie. This is the copy-paste forechan users sent to schools and police departments across the country. This is fantastic.

Well, and I'm going to do it in the voice I imagine you do. I am writing to you anonymously because I do not want to get my child in any trouble. But I need to alert you to something your students are doing that is potentially very dangerous. Yesterday afternoon, I came home early to find my son and his friends getting high on something called Jankham, which they said they heard about at school. This Jankham is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of.

They urinate and defecate in plastic bottles and leave them to ferment in the sun, then inhale the resulting gas. I know it sounds unreal, but when I came home, I found my son and his friends laying on the grass in the backyard and they were acting very strangely. There was a horrible, huge red smell in the air.

I can't believe my son would do something like this. I looked it up on the internet and apparently this was something invented by African children that wound up online and now kids all over the world are doing it. My son says most of his friends at school have tried it and copy paste. Still better than anything Batzi DeVos has done for the education system. Yeah. Yeah. What do they think the police were going to do in this situation? Like stop all the kids from taking a shit. What is the intervention here?

Support shorter schools like Batista Vos. Did you say shorter schools? That's amazing. It concludes this seems to as a car school. That's amazing. It concludes, this seems to be a new thing. And I can't find any information about the health effects of Jankham. I think it's the methane and the ammonia content that provides the desired high, but I don't really know. Both of those are very harmful chemicals. All sorts of diseases are spread through fecal matter.

I imagine it could lead to some very serious health problems at your school. My wife and I are utterly shocked and talked about private school. Because rich kids won't poop like it's poop. They have the good shit man, they hire Mexican kids to shit for them and bring co-gamers shit. That's a little like artisanal shit, you got people from all over the place. Then there's the guy who just keeps calling his shit lemonade and you're like, it doesn't smell like lemons, man. It's fine, shit, but stop. Stop with the lemon branding.

We have spoken to our son about this and he says he won't do it anymore, but because it's on the internet, keeps all over the country, are trying jankum and they need to be educated about the health risks It's only a matter of time before somebody dies from methane poisoning or this leads to a hepatitis outbreak I don't know exactly what you could do about this is jankum is legal But I need to inform you of what some of your students are doing and quote you'd think nobody would buy this right? No, you wouldn't I'm not human your students are doing and quote you'd think nobody would buy this right now you would know a couple of people I met you most I would think that for a god damn second on

anonymous email we should act immediately right well on September 19th of 2007 the Collier County Sheriff's Office released the following official bulletin quote again I will do this in the voice that I hear it in. On 917 2007, the director of the Sauron received an email from a concerned parent regarding a new drug called Jankham. The parent advised their child learned about this drug through various conversations with several students at Pal Meadow Ridge High, Jacob originated in Africa and other third world countries by preventing the sewage to create a gas, which is inhaled to achieve a high.

Jacob is now a popular drug in American schools and quote, so interesting side note, the thing about third world countries appears to be made up entirely by this police department. Africa other shithole countries socialize medicine barak who say oh but what the fuck was I talking about. Serious. Continuing the police bulletin quote jankum is a homemade substance which consists of

fecal matter and urine. It's like true TV's line up, but in a bottle. Helling the gas is set to have a euphoric high, similar to ingesting cocaine. But with the strong hallucinations of TimesPast. And quote, again, this appears to be entirely a creation of this released apartment. Brock Usain Obama, I'm continuing my list, cocaine. Damn, time travel.

What? I got lost again the name things i don't like time travels that's a time travel now it's at least possible though that someone at this police department told the rookie that somebody needed to try this new drug so they could describe the effects in the bulletin so in my head that's how this shit went down, okay?

Oh, literally. In this case. Absolutely, no, they need a pinch shitter. That's the name. Pinch shitter. By the way, if you were not picturing the Take the Crack Pipe scene from Training Day, but with Denzel Washington

shitting into a plastic soda bottle, you are not the woman I know. Eli, I am always picturing Denver. Oh my god. Oh my god. It's so to bust. It's so to bust. I literally can't stop myself.

There you go. That's why it's called the Book of Eli. And continuing. One last time, quote, once ingested, the onset of the high takes approximately 10 seconds with the most severe hallucinations happening in approximately 20 minutes.

Several articles indicate that the subject immediately passes out after ingesting the gas, then regains a magical hallucinogenic state within seconds of regaining consciousness. Again, none of this. This is all made up by the time. I've been described by the subject as a feeling of being out of it and talking to dead people. Feeling of being out of it may last for several hours or days. All subjects who use jankum dislike the taste of sewage in their mouth. Of course.

And the fact that the taste continues for several days. And quotes. Come on, there was a one hamster that tried to convince everyone that it was a acquired taste. It had like notes of the earth and it turned from what you guys talking about. Yeah. I have no idea what that line was supposed to convey

like a sense of reassurance like well, it'll taste bad for me. I mean. And the bulletin concludes, and this is the most beautiful and perfect thing in the universe with a list of slang terms That this police department made up the janko is what I First one is my favorite. It's the best. They include

Runners Runners. Yeah fruit from the crack pipe. That's a good one. That's a good one. My favorite Leroy James. That's fantastic. Bad, bad Leroy. That's good. Might hot hash and waste. My favorite though slang came from Harry Potter. Neville, Bong, bottom of house with indoor. That's my name. Yep. Absolutely. And again, just to be clear, from what I can tell, those nicknames were created by the police department. And that's why I had to begin this essay the way I did because I wanted you know with the lie. I needed you to understand that in all likelihood,

these cops, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Florida, got the email I read to you moments ago, read the BBC article I quoted about Zambian orphans scooping shit into bottles for a moments respite from their lives of torment and thought to themselves. American teens are gonna go nuts for this. You get a can of whipped cream, model glue or white out for under five bucks. They thought kids were gonna somehow funnel shit into a disonny bottle.

Come on, man, that takes a lot of work. I mean, to be fair, you can steal all those things for free. That's even cheaper. All right, but let's be clear here. We're talking about that age of people that was later eat tied pods on purpose. I'm gonna say solid.

Okay. That's a solid counterpoint. Maybe that's okay. It was like, all right, we're washing your mouth out with tied pods. I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say,

I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say,

I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say, You would be incorrect. This release was followed by investigative reports on KMT of Mason City, Iowa, WIFR TV in Rockford, Illinois, WINK news in Fort Myers, Florida, and the Washington Post. Really?

Oh my God. Now, sadly, some might say tragically, the Washington Post article has since been taken down no idea why, but we do know That it was called quote jinkamethness I want to see the PSA that happened right after this so bad I don't remember if this was like the 90 that should have been on TV a dad like walks into the camera frame Shit's in his hand, this is your brain. That's what's the heat pan.

This is your brain on drugs. Any questions? And then his kid just stomps out past him. I learned it by watching you, whatever. Well, then that other one, we're like, G.I. Joe just comes out of the toilet holding a water bottle and delivering a stern lecture about poop sniffing and downed power lines. Knowing it's half the battle. Another thing about that lost and

forgotten Washington post article. According to Wikipedia, quote, columnist Amiel Steiner reported that a spokesman for the drug enforcement agency insists that there are people in America trying to jankham which the d a agent categorized as dangerous bad and stupid and quote from wikipedia fox news ran a story about jankham though uncharacteristically they mentioned both picwik and the probable hoax however in that fox news article when asked about how the d a

would go about controlling such a substance, a Washington DEA spokesman specified that quote, real quote from a real person who worked at a real government agency, we wouldn't classify it as a drug so much because it's feces in your and quote of full grown adult looking at other full grown adult. Later that month, the same DEA spokesman, he had a month of these questions that same guy told ABC News in an interview, it's in Africa. We know that. We've heard rumors and speculation about it here, but part of looking for trends is listening first for speculation. End quote. I love that that they know it's in Africa,

despite they're being virtually no evidence with other than one dubious BBC article, but you know, those guys from that crazy country of Africa. Yeah. Another one of my favorite quotes comes from the Enterprise ledger of enterprise Alabama, where coffee county sheriff's department narcotics investigator Neil Bradley said quote, whatever they're using on the west coast is also used in coffee county.

We've heard about this with some students were doing and it sounds crazy, but don't think they're not doing it here. Drugs that people think aren't in our county really are. I've heard some things and I'm sure it's out there. He heard some whisperings about shit-offing and he sat on it and he was like, oh, I don't see where this goes. He concludes, we just haven't made any arrests on it yet. End quote.

Perhaps my favorite piece of hysteria to come from the Jankham Hokes was the advice distributed by a little TV station known as WSBTTV and South Bend Indiana which advised parents to quote, wait up for your children at night and not let your children go to bed until they have seen them and smelled their breath. All right son, it's drug test time. Shit in this cup right now. Oh, you did. You have a cup of shit.

You're ready. Has anybody ever smelled a teenage boy's breath? I'm just saying like, this test has no control group. It's all just, I think it's fantastic that Mayor Pete very likely had this test done to him because of this wrong cast and stuff. Little post script here in 2009. Two full years after Heath and Wright first post to pictures of him sucking on his own

sweet sweet shit fumes. Bettendorf Iowa amended its city ordinance regarding illegal inhalants to include organic substances. The reason, according to the Quad City Times, was, quote, the city decided to add organic to the law because they've heard of people huffing something known as Jacob. Oh my God. Oh great. And if you had to summarize what you learned and one son's or didn't learn, what would it be?

This shit is bananas. No, it's always important to have a dealer who can get you good shit. That's terrible. I'm ready for the quiz there. Oh, I'm ready. Oh great. All right, I got a good one for you.

Ely, what do you call people who get burned out on Jinkham? A, the Dung and the Restless. That's absolutely. The Deplic the restless. That's absolutely. The defecation nation. That's a good idea. See group number two or d shit hits. Ha ha ha. Got a first answer, best answer,

dung in the restless. That is correct, sir. Thank you. All right, Eli, to make jencom in Africa, it can take the poop of a hundred men or more, but only one toilet seat will ever do. Which one? A, todo.

Todo? I smell the stain down and down. Yeah. I'm gonna go with a A total I'm assuming that was correct Yeah, why not? Yeah, it was the only answer and Got one more for you Eli which the following is the best street name for jankham that the cops Forgot to make up for their reward. I wrote this essay for this moment. Is it a?

Dumbled Stiltskin? The Shitris Oxide phenomenal. C. Duky Houser MD. D. Hippie Ascrack. Or E. Reese's Feces. There it is. E. Reese's Feces. It fills up two cups.

That's amazing. You only need one. Yeah, they're all brown. Why is that? Why are they all brown? We don't get it. It was actually Duky House or MD, but you were close. Oh, so close, so close, but Heath is the winner. Excellent. Next week, I would like an essay with, you know, an informational base from Noah. Ha ha base from Noah. Yeah, hey Tom,

you bitching about the Etruscan's now. Come on, man. Okay. We're just gonna be in the Etruscan suite. Sweet Etruscan love right now. All right. Scared of the truth. Well, for Tom, Noah, Eli and he Thum Seas, the vacatibreg hours today. We'll be back next week and by that Noah will be an expert on something else. If you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod

or leave a supply star of you everywhere you can. That's super matters. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes connected to us on social media or check out our other side projects. You can go toationpod.com Tony the cops in here! Say hello to my little friend! you