Citation Needed - Kim Jong-Un

Episode Date: May 17, 2017

 Kim Jong-un born 8 January 1984 or 5 July 1984)[3] is the Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea (WPK) and supreme leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK), commonly referred to as North Korea. Kim is the second child of Kim Jong-il (1941–2011) and his consort Ko Yong-hui.[6] Little is known for certain about Kim Jong-un. Before taking power, he had barely been seen in public, and many of the activities of both Kim and his government remain shrouded in secrecy.[7] Even details such as what year he was born, and whether he did indeed attend a Western school under a pseudonym, are difficult to confirm with certainty. Kim was officially declared the supreme leader following the state funeral of his father on 28 December 2011. Kim holds the titles of Chairman of the Workers' Party of Korea, Chairman of the Central Military Commission, Chairman of the National Defence Commission, Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army,[1] and presidium member of the Politburo Standing Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea.[8] Kim was promoted to the rank of Marshal of North Korea in the Korean People's Army on 18 July 2012, consolidating his position as the Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces[9] and is often referred to as Marshal Kim Jong-un or "the Marshal" by state media.[10][11] Kim obtained two degrees, one in physics at Kim Il-sung University, and another as an Army officer at the Kim Il-sung Military University.[12][13] On 12 December 2013 official North Korean news outlets released reports that due to alleged "treachery," he had ordered the execution of his uncle Jang Song-thaek.[14] On 9 March 2014, Kim Jong-un was elected unopposed to the Supreme People's Assembly. He is the first North Korean leader born after the country's founding. Kim Jong-un is widely believed to have ordered the assassination of his brother, Kim Jong-nam in Malaysia in February 2017.[15][16]   From https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Jong-un

Uh, where the fuck is Eli? I don't know, he's supposed to be here like 10 minutes ago. Knock, knock! Dude, seriously, just now showing up, we were sp- What the fuck? Surprise! He brought Kim Jong-un into the studio? Yeah!

No, no, absolutely no, no, absolutely no. Come on, I thought episode three, people are gonna get a little board, boom, guest, international guest. No, he's super excited. Right. I mean, I think he's excited. I cannot understand where this guy says, like someone threw a slinky down the stairs when he talks so racist.

Hold on a second. Let's back this up. Kim Jong-un dictator of North Korea just volunteered to be on our not yet released podcast. I don't know about Volunteered so much as Kim Jong-un such an ugly word for Guys, please let me I need this guys. Please. I You guys please let me know I need this guys. Please. I

Know he was gonna start world war three. I said it how I even had made in the pool. I quit the show a fine Fine he'd Kim can join and be our new best friend. We are not best friends. We were not best friends That doesn't make sense. Okay, Cecil. I know you're mad about the possible starter world war three But don't say untrue things, not in front of guests, not in front of Kim. Eli put him back, put him wherever you found him. Fine, fine. But if you guys don't like my surprise next week, I am done helping out.

Wait, wait, wait, what's the surprise next week, Eli? Oh, Eli. Eli. What is the surprise next week? Tom, you can't hurt him. Good. Hello, and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we are experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now.

My name is Tom and I'll be acting as your tour guide through this week's episode. But unlike my sex life, I won't be doing it alone and it's going to take more than three licks to get to the center. Joining me to break this next subject down are the two most broken men I know Eli Bosnick and no illusions jokes on you Tom to be broken. I had to be holding the first place. No running from mayor of San Antonio over here. Good to see you through Tom. Top and joining all three of us are the only two guys here who can reach anything on the top shelf.

Ethan Wright and Cecil. Thanks, Tom. I'm told I look like David Smolley got baked with yeast. We're just ruined all directions. Who's David Smolley? I feel like if I could rebound the ball and get it to Heath, he'll be able to dunk on anyone in the podcast and community provided they are an athletic, I guess. Yeah, I mean, Heath is six inches taller than me, but we have the same vertical, yeah.

But my horizontal is insane. My horizontal is the, I'm a presence in the pain. All challenges accepted. One on one right now. Cecil and me will win and hoop it off. We just need a third boss set. You can have to contest it. Reza. Now obviously we're all ready to get started so I can kick back and let somebody else do all the work again. But before we do, we have to give a huge thanks to the incredibly humbling response. The show has gotten on Patreon after we announced it within 12 hours We were fully funded we couldn't be more flattered shocked amazed appalled and made erect by your enthusiasm

Of course if you're not already a patron be sure to listen to the end to learn how you can help inflict this show on the world too Because we may not be the show the world needs But we sure as hell are the show the world deserves All right now with that out of the way Noah Person place thing event concept or phenomenon brings us together today Well today we're gonna be talking about Kim Jong-un all right and Eli You've read the Wikipedia article you scribbled notes in some weird combination of hieroglyphics and Hebrew shorthand

Are you ready to educate the masses? It's Hyroglyphs, Tom, and yes, I am. Hyroglyphs. Fuck you guys. So, I mean, it's individually one by one, by one, by one. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. And when you're done with that, tell us who is Kim Jong-un. He's the chairman of the Workers Party of Korea and the Supreme Leader of North Korea. His other titles include Chairman of the Central Military Commission, Chairman of the National

Defense Commission, Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army, and presiding member of the Pultiboros Standing Committee of the Korean People's Army and presidium member of the Pulitzer Burrow standing committee of the Workers Party of Korea. Why is he correct? Tom's pronunciation again Politburo and And and Presidium. Politburo? Politburo? Politburo? Politburo? It's first of all it's political burrito. I feel like we all know that Political burrito. I feel like we all know that. Political burrito. State media also often refers to him by his military ring. He's just a little bit overgrids. Marshall. So they call him

Marshall Kim Jong Un or just the Marshall. So lots of jobs, many of them chair based. I feel like once you're supreme leader, you don't need other titles. I guess it's got're supreme leader, you don't need other titles. I guess it's got plenty of room for multiple hats though. It makes sense. He looks like the bad guy from Dick Tracy got like fucked by a baby circus. I would like to request we re-dedicate this entire episode to figure out what it would look like to get fucked by a baby circle. Request a climb. Request a climb. Amen. Thank you, Tom. He was also ranked by Forbes magazine as the 46th most powerful person on the planet, a fact that we'll get more and more terrifying as this episode progresses.

All right. And where does the story of Kim Jong-un begin? In a nutsack, Tom. A nutsack of Kim Jong-un is to be exact. Normally here, I'd say like, Caliente, but thinking of Kim Jong-un having sex is like thinking about chunk from the goonies raping the last donut. It's a bad example, Cecil. You should use something not sexually appealing

so the audience will understand your joke. All right, so the most upsetting aspect of that is that now I have to deal with the fact that I would totally still eat that donut. I mean, if it was the last one. I feel like it's the last one, no matter what. You're gonna be a full box, but the one he puts his dick inside, that's the last one.

All right, gentlemen, Eli. Maybe not quite as far back as dear leaders of Jack. Fair enough, but after two episodes of asking, I finally had the chance to talk about Kim Jong-il's nut sack and you denied me just for the record. Okay, well, I'm not sure why you thought this show would be any different than the other ones we do, but the sonnet was beautiful. We're not going to put on the air, but it was the life. Thank you, Patreon goal Keith.

You're welcome. It's a beautiful time. Now I should say right up front that from the moment of his birth, Oon's life has been shrouded in secrecy. Wikipedia has his birthday listed as either January 8th, 1984 or July 5th, 1984. And later in the article, it says he was probably born in 1983, but the official government position is that he was born 1982. But we here on citation needed can say with certainty, he came from sperm. And we're pretty sure that sperm came from

his dad's balls. Eli will not be denied. Well, except by Broadway casting. Oh, I could have been auto the snowman. You still could. So regardless of which year he was born, it happened while his grandfather Kim Il Sung was the supreme leader of a country they call the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, despite the fact that this asshole's family has been running it for five decades plus. Yes, as opposed to our super diverse presidential history here in the US, which went,

Bush Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush, Black Guy, Clinton. Sorry. Sorry, Putin, Kushner. Who is it? Clinton Clinton Bush Bush black guy Clinton sorry Putin Kushner who is it? Well, you know you could always get ready for Trump Pence, Newgent, Halen, life without people. I'll take the under fuck Life without people's a Swedish name right? Anyway, Gramps died when little Unae was only eight or nine or ten. And just went to the news, officially considered eternal president. The actual job of presidenting felt that Kim Jong Un's dad for the first 14 years

it took him to die. That was called the time to get ill, I think. Now, be honest, we don't actually know what the fuck Kim Jong-un was doing during that time. There are conflicting reports that he attended school in Sweden under a fake name, but those might be cases of mistaken identity with his brother Kim Jong-chul. Regardless no matter how many times I put it in Wikipedia, it would not take my edit of because they all look the same. David Duke, run for Senate out of the hero. That was one of his campaign promises.

This is slow. Yeah. Yeah, what do you do? He promised to make them look different with markings. So it's a deal with. What's that? She's like, I was the promise. Classical liberals.

To that room is credit. If you look at Kim Jong-un now, it's pretty easy to believe he spent the first couple of decades of his life eating Cheetos and masturbating to Tomb Raider. I would say it's possible to do that and still be thin. It's metabolism, you bigot. Uh, seriously, trigger warning metabolism hurtful. Excuse me.

So ignoring the fact that Noah was 20 when the first two rater came up. Okay, but this pregnant on a tarring was still pretty hot though. And you could make her die. Just make that's only me. Okay. Yes. If the Switzerland reports are true, he basically was described as a shy student who was awkward around girls loved basketball and got embarrassingly shitty grades, bringing it to serious question whether or not heath is in fact Kim Jong-un.

That's preposterous. I had good grades, everything else is out here. Just walk away. You don't want any part of this, just walk away. Anyway, sources are all pretty much an agreement that he got his post-secondary education at Kim Il Sung University, but rumors are it was just because of his family name. His only known degree is an honorary doctorate in economics from a private Malaysian university called, and this is real, help university, help in all caps I love watching them play help university's fight song is in Morse code it's

Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da I'm not saying long and you guys know it. Didn't there lacrosse team rape a bunch of people? So they should need it. Yeah, those are the three dashes in the song. Trick question, it's a lacrosse team, so the answer is yes. Okay, well, as much as I can see that you're enjoying picking on a fat kid, I feel like most people start getting interested in this story when he becomes the leader of a country with acme style nuclear missiles. So we just go ahead and skip a hand to that. This is Wiley Coyote riding one backwards down into so banging it with his hat.

Trump flies up next to him, shit, what direction are we going? Tell the Navy to turn around, which is the bad guy? North, I wanna say North is the bad guy. Are we going south? What's happening? Flip a coin. Yeah, I bet I bet.

Like, since when has which side are we at war with been a deciding factor and who Trump bombed? Now, I should say beforehand that back in the 90s, the assumption was that Kim Jong Il would be succeeded by his eldest son, Eun's half brother Kim Jong-nam. But he fell out of favor when he got caught attempting to enter Tokyo Disneyland with a fake passport. What the fuck?

All the things that fucking use a fake passport for Jesus. It's like getting the fake IDs you could buy lottery tickets when you're 15. What the fuck? Well, but now to be fair, the Kim family can fuck I'd easy good by lottery tickets when you're 15 Well, but now but to be fair the Kim family can fuck on rage Thai prostitutes from home They can't make all the best uses of them. Yep, but they don't have the same costumes I mean Thank you Keith Which which Disney character would you guys want to fuck the most? I feel like we should pause for a second No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want to put my dick in a claw. I would like to change my answer to Lila. Lila's called polka honas. It's in the name.

It's in the name. What, in little mermaid, isn't? I think I'm gonna go with dopey. It's a fall, good answer. Cause that one, that one won't remember you date rape, don't you know? Jesus. That's why you so quiet, you ever think about that? It's been like two and a half episodes before Cecil got to his first date raping

Dopey reference. I think that's pretty good. And if you're going dopey. I'm going. I'm going sleepy. I'm just saying Whatever. Oh everybody's gonna stop. All right. We're drawing the line. It's sleepy, but not dopey You can you can drug a girl, but you can't be asleep. That's the line All right, I mean, he, I said, I think that's the lowest we ever got. I didn't know he played lacrosse. All right. Now, dynastically speaking,

the next guy in line should have been Kim Jong-Chul, the one who may have gone to the Swedish school, but he was passed over, according to the family's personal chef, because he was, quote, too feminine in character, end quote. The personal chef, by the way, said that Kim Jong-un would be a great leader because A, he has superb physical gifts. B is a big drinker and C, he never admits to fee and check. It's bullshit affirmative action.

It's why I didn't get into Harvard either Those are this chef's keys to success apparently and if you're wondering hey, why is a personal chef a source for someone's Personality you have no idea how fucked up North Korea Also leave it to his chef to give every every leader in the house a Zagat review. It's like, well, this upscale, no, a preliminary has a lean rack of muscle under a nice marbling fat. No, I'm picturing a fat bitchy Korean sending back a steak for being too feminine. And I am now picturing Eli at Starbucks. Just I want a non-binary soy latte.

Ponsent 10 degrees. How hard is this? Yeah, so it's pretty obvious that two of Feminine is code for junk, Chul being gay and given North Korea's tenuous relationship with the United States, one can't help but wonder what that would be like. That would be like, that would be like. And now the whole world waits with baited breath as the new leader of North Korea dresses as people for the gray is going. Seriously, if I wanted to build a country out of people, I'd be my dad. Dear leader? Also, people with the hair. I know we're Asians, but colors your friend, right?

Excuse me, excuse me. Dear, dear leader? Oh my god, what? Hi, everyone. This is June. He's like my butler or Oh my God, what? Hi, everyone, this is June, he's like my butler or man or something. I don't know. I'm head of the military. Awesome, you seem to be winning the war on fashion. Okay, I'm such a bitch. Perhaps dear leader would like to speak about our upcoming victory against the Americans?

All right, right, right, I didn't forget. Okay, okay, you can move back. Bill further. I was right. Right, so here's, I didn't forget. Okay, okay, you can move back. Go further. I was right. Right, so here's the deal, EO. I get it, Americans, who doesn't hate them? But if we kill them all, RuPaul doesn't do season 10,

and I will literally kill everyone in this country. So instead, we're gonna go with Canada, so hockey fans, if there are any, Tivo, that shit. I'm just kidding, you don't have televisions. Ely, did you just imagine a homophobic sketch on Aaron? I did not. Imagine a homophobic sketch on Aaron. Anyway, in succession to the People's Democratic throne was officially announced in January

of 2009 and three months later, he was elected to the position. What? Oh, cool, they have a James Comey system. What's great. Yes, in preparation for his father's death, he was promoted to the North Korean equivalent of a four star general. The party members were forced to swear allegiance to him and the citizenry were taught a new song of praise to sing about him, you know, like they do in people's democracies.

I think I heard that one. Oh, a Bungam on to Deutschland, Deutschland. I like that beat. Now at the same time, the state began to quietly purge itself of potential rivals to leadership. More than 200 potential protégés of the respected subordinates of Kim Jong Il were either detained or executed between 2009 and Kim Jong-il's death in 2011. All right, well now that we're finally getting to the murdering relatives portion of today's program, I hate to cut you off there, but we're going to have to leave you in suspense while we turn it over to everybody's favorite mid-episode use of the theme music, aprop people have nothing. Yeah, I mean what I said you could go anywhere for your birthday. This is not what I had in mind. He's well

I think North Korea is an underrated vacation spot. I think this is gonna be good. That's a way to say it Um, has anybody seen Eli? Uh, he didn't make it off the plane. What what does that mean? He and Tom are uh Still on the on the plane. Wait what? Are Are they- what? Were they getting their luggage, sir? Guys, do you really think I would tour a real-life 1984-style dystopian hellscape run by baby fat-covered psychologically unstable despots with these two? I- I- I drugged them for their own protection the moment we landed. Um, we're- we're gonna be here for a week. I- I used a lot of drugs though.

Hey, guys! What? I thought- I thought you drugged a fuck. Wait, wait, wait drugs though. Hey guys! What? I thought he was- I thought you'd drug the fuck. Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait where's Tom? Oh my god this is fucking a disaster. Not a great idea. Woo! Are you guys ready to have some fun? He like how are you even standing? I saw what Noah put in your drink. You should barely be alive right now, right? Tom says that Cecil tries stuff like this all the time so we filled up on activated charcoal before lunch.

We actually been doing that a lot. What, you like, you like, you like listening to me? I want you to look, look right at me. I'm busy. Where is Tom? Oh, right, I was supposed to tell you. Last time I saw him, he was climbing around at the big playground with the statues.

SISO! SISO! God, look, I'm on his head! No, guys, that's not a fucking playground. That's the Man-Suhil Grand Monument. That is possibly the most sacred site in Pyongyang. There are so many rules to be in here, Eli, that our government-minders have their own minders. Jesus Christ whose turn was it to watch him? I think I broke this well Not me. It's it's my birthday. I just wanted what everyone wants on their birthday Sing a little karaoke by night and do a simple

Live-action reenactment of gulliver's travels with the tiny underfed natives during the day just basic Birthday stuff. This is not somebody else. We've been over this Noah. You actually have to watch them when it's your turn to watch them I can go in Where where do you like go? We need to get on that plane right now Second worst birthday ever. Doesn't look even! I look even, right? And we're back to learn more about everybody's favorite unhinged psychopathic fat kid, Kim Jong-un.

When we left off the story, is that it just kicked the bucket, leaving a 28-year-old straight C student with no leadership or military experience in charge of nuclear weapons? Yeah, and despite all the propaganda songs and preliminary murders, believe it or not, it wasn't entirely clear after Kim Jong Il's death who was taking over. It was clear that the dead guy wanted that, but there was still a loan of, you know,

are we really putting this 20-something diet pills before picture in charge of our military among the bureaucracy, which is understandable. Many international analysts expected some kind of region to assume power until little Kim finished puberty, but no, that would not be the case. You know, first time he's ever been called little, but to be fair, we've all seen pictures and I don't, I feel like it's safe to say puberty isn't exactly in the cards for Kim Jong-un. Also, how confident are we that he did not murder Lil Kim the rapper and take over her life?

Check out her face recently. Pretty sure it's him. Racist. Is it? I don't know. Is it not? Tune in. It's pro at CitationPod. Do you think it's racist? We put a poll up on Twitter and you can let us know what you think it's racist. And if it is, we're still not sorry. So, in response, the government stepped up their cult of personality efforts.

A cult of personality and government. What a fucking backwards country yeah military leadership experience in charge of nuclear weapons these guys don't know how the fucking stuff haha so these efforts included claims that he was born in heaven editorials

where organs of the state promise they would quote vow with their bleeding tears to call Kim Jong-un our Supreme leader and quote, and he was officially elevated to the position of Supreme Leader on December 24, 2011, a week after his father's death. All right. So a privileged man steeped in the idealism of youth, suddenly gains control of a starving and backward nation. What was his first priority?

Giving himself lots of titles followed by giving himself lots of bodyguards, followed by giving himself lots of cake. Also proceeded by and during. I would crush it this time. Like Harvard and North Korea need more Asians. It's racism. Unbelievable. Keith, quick question. How many Asians does North Korea need? Dude, that's not the point. The point is they have enough. Whatever it is it's enough. From an actionist racism. Okay, so pivoting sharply. What kind of power does he actually hold?

Are we talking like 20th century Kaiser or 12th century Khan? Well, technically he's just part of a triumvirate that controls the executive branch. He controls the military, but Premier Pak Pong Zhu hands the government. And parliamentary chairman Kim Yong-nam handles foreign relations but in practice since the third-hi controls has all the guns. He's the closest thing the modern world has to an absolute dictator and it's not like they're really trying to sell this fiction of checks and balances. They started calling him the supreme leader in 2012.

Well, I mean, but to be fair by the pizza hot model, that still subordinates him to the super supreme leader. I'm so fucking stupid, pizza look up the word. It can't be a level above the goddamn supreme. Yeah, that's the problem with pizza Hutton. In Korea, it's the terminology. That's their problem. He does appear to be a stuffed crust model. Speaking

of fictions that we aren't trying very hard to sell, I should also point out that in March of 2014, he was elected to the Supreme People's Assembly. He ran unopposed, but voters were allowed to check yes or no. No, maybe. Yeah, no, maybe no abstaining. Do you like me? Yes. They had to pick a color first and then a number. It was a whole thing. I actually want to elect nine of these leaders, one of them's alive.

This is the best part of this. According to government officials, there was a record turnout and every single person who voted, voted yes. That's what it said in their newspapers, in real life. And he wasn't even supposed to get 222. I guess it was like the biggest electoral win since Ronald Reagan. Guys, huge. How depressing is it that the he's just like Donald Trump jokes just keep coming so easily? I would have 538 predicted that one. Yeah. Sure. All right. So what can you tell us about his policies? Is he been better or worse than his dad? Well, Tom, as much as that threatens to sound like two grown men arguing over who has the worst case of diarrhea,

um, it was me and give me my goddamn shorts back. Literally, literally never. I'm gonna go ahead and say he is way, way worse than daddy. Oh, despite early signs that he might be more moderate economically, basically everything he's done since taking control has fit the crazy school shooter kid suddenly gets in charge of a country model. His economic policies best exemplified in what's known as the May 30th measures has been described by the state as a flexible collectivist system. But among the citizenry, it's better known as starving to death. So the Supreme Leader can raise jet skis with washed up NBA stars. Yeah, right. dribble down economics, they call them.

I had, I had something red here, but drippled ton economics is a slam dunk. You take it, buddy. Fuck that. But if you want a real measure of Kim Jong Un, allow me to read the last three headings from his Wikipedia article in order, nuclear weapons, purges and executions and human rights violations. Wow. Well, at least the purges and executions were respecting human rights.

Well, Wikipedia does allow for subheadings, guys. Come on. We'll start with his nuclear policy. He ramped up the insane belligerent strategy. His dad so successfully employed. International experts agree that the nation probably has at least the dozen nuclear warheads, but as we've been seeing lately, they don't necessarily have a way to get them anywhere that's more efficient than like mailing them. They just see like a giant delivery sticky note on the East Coast. Wait, just pretend we're not on. Like looking at the camera. Nobody's there. Although we deliver.

It's okay, nobody's delivered. See, I was picturing a postal worker like halfway out in the ocean right in one of those slips and I'm like, no, I'm right here, come on. No, no, I'm not gonna go pick it up in North Korea. I tipped you in Christmas. This is why you think I tipped you in the kindness of my heart, guy for whom high school was hard.

No, look all the way. Not only in. Not only in. No stone, no stairs. This is the weirdest intro to our stamps.com out I've ever heard. Now according to the state press, their nuclear arsenal contains both abums and H-bums,

to which those international experts basically said fuck out of here. Yeah, I have to fulfill the laws. They probably could they know a lot of F bombs too. Yeah, right. Oh god, I would give anything to watch that tubby fucker go all you simmity Sam after his missile like farch its way to the north end of the launch band. The FedEx shows up with like a return to sender from New York with like slim pick and It's way to the north end of the launch bad

The FedEx shows up with like a return to sender from New York Like slim pick and sit on top of the giant Don't look at it boss. Don't look inside boss But okay, I believe you promised us some purges and executions. I did Tom But see so cut that part because it would alienate a percentage of our audience So no in the article. oh, yeah, that too. Well, like most information that comes out of North Korea, why the, why the, why the blind though? I said because you don't know what they're thinking.

But do you know what cited people are? I don't want to get into this. Cecil cut my whole thing and a whole lot of long. There's a beautiful song that Anna wrote for the show. I don't want to get into this. We see so caught my whole thing. I have a whole lot of long. There's a beautiful song that Anna wrote for the show. I don't want to get into it. As I was saying, like most information that comes out of North Korea or this podcast, it's very hard to verify anything in relation

to massive reports of these state-mandated mass murders. But rumors about, for example, Kim's uncle, Jang Sung-taeke was definitely arrested and later executed for treachery, but conflicting reports have him being executed by firing squad, by missile, or by me. He fed to dogs. To be fair, he probably wasn't fed to dogs.

The missile thing still would just think possibility. Oh, metal man. I hope it's like a combination though Like they shot him with dogs until he died That's how I want to go smothered in bitches. I'm telling you there you go smothered in bitches name of Cecil's rap album fun fact Find out who we are outside of the show for once in your lives. It's not all about you. There are also rampant reports that the state had Zhang's family put to death, including siblings, in-laws, children, grandchildren, nephews, and even children of nephews, in an effort to destroy all traces of his existence.

Okay, wait. I feel like a clarifications necessary here. Kim Jong-un ordered the execution of his uncle's nephews. It's the perfect crime. I should point out that Wikipedia also has a page titled list of officials purged and executed by Kim Jong-un that has multiple entries for every year of his leadership, but the neutrality and factual accuracy of that page are in orange exclamation park, included in that list, by the way, is O-Song-Han, a deputy security

ministry who was reportedly executed by Blamemore in 2014, which I really wish had been available on paper view. I'm just saying. All right, and you're telling me that after that, there's still a heading for human rights violations. Yes, I am, Tom. Yes, I am. It does now seem like it should have a C O N T in parentheses or something, but here we are. Now, this section of the article is really sparse and doesn't offer a lot of details other than to point out that the UN's commission of inquiry on the subject recommended that Kim Jong-un be tried in international court for crimes against humanity. The trials should just be a game of cards against humanity. Fight torture with torture.

I like it. You get like Kim Jong-un soft shitty body. This set and thing is just three dicks at one time. It's like, fuck, I can. It's what I'm here for. Now, here's the crazy thing. If you click over to the page titled Human Rights in North Korea, the list of abuses you can see right off the bat are like media censorship, freedom of religion, disability, concentration camps, pleasure squads, ascribed social status, human trafficking, executions, human experimentation, political prisons, reeducation camps, abduction of Japanese citizens, abduction of South Korean

citizens and Korean Warpo POWs detainees. Korea. Yeah, that sounds a lot like a different episode. Good, because I didn't read that one time. I didn't read it at all. Wait, wait, you're telling me you came across a head and called pleasure squads and you, Eli Bosnick, the guy who jerks off to the thought of a Dell singing the acoustic version of hello did not bother to read the guy.

Cecil, you sure you're using the right article there. That's fair. That's fair. And also a fun fact we learned yesterday, Yossel jerks off to Clarence Thomas singing Old Man River from Shobo. Interesting. Okay. Clarence Thomas singing Old Man River from showboat. Interesting. Okay.

I told you guys that in confidence because we only had 10 episodes of Gam left and I was feeling sentimental. But you were just jerking off in the van to Old Man River and we asked you why that's not in confidence. Yeah. Not sure if you know what that word means. And while we're recording your voice in confidence, Eli, uh, you want to talk about grabbing any other genitals?

I want to fuck. And that didn't go in. Hey, Tom, here's the perfect opportunity for you to cut right in. All right. Well, obviously partially understanding most of it with a computer article makes you an expert in the eyes of most people. But we have a higher standard here on citation needed so Are you ready to face the gauntlet of Kim Jong-un trivia from your peers?

I've never been more ready Tom. All right, heath. Why don't you start us off? All right, so Eli Which of the following is the most popular reaction to online photos of Kim Jong-un? Is it a watching Kung Fu Panda on Netflix and masturbating? Hint, I'm doing that right now. Is it B, watching Kung Fu Panda 2 and 3 because you're old now, and sometimes it takes a while. Is it C, agreeing with the onion that he was indeed the sexiest man alive in 2012. Or is it D doing the pinch out gesture with your fingers trying to make the size of his face match the size of his head. I'm going to go with B because two has Gary old. That's correct. That's correct.

All right, I got what he like. Kim Jong-un is actually in several movies, which one of the answers is correct? A, he was Chris Farley's stunt double in Beverly Hills, Ninja. B, he was the after picture for the guy who blows up like a balloon in big trouble in little China. C, he's the after picture for the guy who blows up like a balloon and big trouble in little China.

See, he's the fat guy that Jackie Chan always punches in the stomach and then Jackie faints into you as hand and Kim Jong-un just stands there and smiles in the background. D, he's in several films under this screen pseudonym, Chao Sun Fat. You may remember him from such hits as a soft boiled the curse of the golden crispy duck crouching tiger hidden dragon roll and bulletproof ballfish. E none of those answers because they're all super racist open brackets Eli. This is the right answer.

Pick this one. Please pick this one and brackets. D D. I'm going to go with, it's easy. Kim Jong-un is known for his over the top execution methods. What other overkill execution methods is he currently considering a developing a space program, just so we can personally kick someone out of the airlock to see what really happens. B, vacuum ceiling is generals in plastic and turning them into enormous trading cards. C, vacuum ceiling is generals in plastic and turning them into tiny trading cards.

Or D, drilling a hole to the center of the earth and dropping dissidents down to see if there really are dinosaurs inside. The David Ike story. I think it'd be hard to be taken seriously if he said, get off my brain. So I'm going to go with B. That is correct. All right. I have one more as terrifying as Kim Jong Un, as his dad was way fucking funnier. So of the following five claims, which one is not a real thing claimed by Kim Jong Il's biography or official state press releases about Kim Jong Il. Hey, Kim

Jong Il played one round of golf in 1994 and shot 38 under par in a game that included 11 holes in one. Wait, 34. Four of these. B, Kim Jong Il once kidnapped a South Korean filmmaker to make Godzilla themed North Korean propaganda films. C, Kim Jong Il invented the hamburger. D, Kim Jong Il never had to use a toilet as his supernatural birth precluded the need to urinate or defecate.

Or E, under his direction, North Korean scientist cured AIDS, Ebola, MERS, and SARS. Trick question. It's the last one because MERS isn't ringing. It's like Lyme disease. Yeah. No, the actual answer to that is B. That's the only one of them that's actually a true thing. He really did kidnap a South Korean filmmaker to make Godzilla themed North Korean propaganda films.

They just didn't admit that it is biography or put it out on the state press rule. He says, but it is a true thing that happened. All right. Well, since Cecil was the first to stunt our expert, you are this week's winner, Cecil. So you get to take over hosting duties next time. You get to pick who has to muster up some expertise between now and next week. Oh, it's definitively going to be heath. Yay. And of course, also included in your victory gift bag is getting to read the answer to this week's Twitter question. Or it would be anyway, but we can't do that now until

the show officially launches. So you just get to say some words here. Oh, yeah, this is when Eli was going to talk. We cut that. That's not happening. Actually, I take that back Eli. Just no. No, I would like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And you can hear more from Cecil and me on CognitiveDistinence Podcast. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. For more information, check the show notes for handy links, and think of how much my ex-wife will appreciate that money. 1 tbc 1 tbc 1 tbc 1 tbc

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1 tbc 1 tbc Thank you. you