Citation Needed - Looksmaxxing

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

Looksmaxxing is a 21st century Internet neologism referring to the process of maximizing one's own physical attractiveness. The term originated on male incel (meaning: "involuntarily celibate")[1] message boards in the 2010s.[2][3][4] Previously, the phrase's usage had been limited to obscure internet forums, but in the 2020s became popularized on TikTok by men.[3] Currently, the term refers to a specified view of male beauty, and is not frequently a term used by women in a non-satirical context.[3]

Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Noah and I'm going to be leading things off this week, but joining me tonight are three guys who are all too white for me to pull off the tall, dark, and handsome bit that I wanted to use to fuck with Heath. Heath, Eli and Cecil. Okay, Cecil's, yeah. Swarvey, the Italian wharf, right? And Eli is, uh, Eli. Paul Dark and Ransom? I'm the dark one if we count like inner monologues. Oh, okay, there you go.

When I offer people my dark meat, it's just brazed chicken thighs. That's all it is. They're grateful, Cecil. They're grateful. They are, yeah, right? And listeners, as this episode leads you to reflect on all the more notorious shit Cecil could do with his good works if this podcasting shit didn't pay the bills, I want to remind you that the only reason we can keep him here is because of our patrons.

If you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around at the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Heath, what person plays thing, concept, phenomenon or event are we going to be talking about today? We're going to be talking about looks maxing. Yikes. Amazing. Okay. So what is looks maxing? Well, in general terms, it's exactly what it sounds like. It's the process of maximizing your physical attractiveness. But more specifically, it's the word for a ridiculous trend and a growing online community, mostly made of young men, who decided that achieving a so-called ideal physical appearance is the most important thing they can do.

And in order to achieve that, they're doing a wide range of interventions, many of which are just truly insane and dangerous and almost all of them tragic. The basic idea for disaffected young men, the best way to achieve value in society, and therefore achieve happiness, is to maximize your looks at any cost. Luxemaxers who ascribed to this philosophy are often described as being black-pilled

having accepted this bleak, fundamental, so-called truth. Man, men will do anything but go to therapy, huh? Just like anything, literally anything. Right. I don't see how that's really. Hey, guys, you remember that time when disaffected young men attached themselves to a trend that was exclusive to men

and it turned out to be good for either them or society as a whole? No. Nope. Oh, I was trying to, yeah. No, right. I don't get anywhere either. So, mangi-o?

What's the looks-maxing ideal? Well, based on what I saw, it's approximately a Nazi propaganda poster of an Aryan. But using like 8-bit resolution with a weirdly sharp baselines. Low polygon. Yeah, yeah, and sucked in cheeks, like somebody who's grabbing a fistful of skin behind their head. I don't know why that's good. It's like a tech in one face. Yeah.

So they have non-white people in the... the community too, but lots of neo-Nazis. Spoiler for later, Nick Fuentes finds his way into the story. There's one. There's one. There you go. Yeah. Also worth noting, most of the photos I found on looks-maxing forums that were showing, quote, attractive men looked like Rob Lowe ate something too sour. One of those photos was actually a young Rob Lowe, possibly right after a warhead or whatever, or an especially sour ball of cocaine that he... Could also be the moment he found out she was 16 years old. That's another moment that his face may make.

That is the face at that point. You'd hope. So the origin of the term looks maxing comes from the world of role-playing games. Where only the hottest men reside. So in games with character traits that can increase over time, you might try to maximize a particular trait like strength. And you'd call that strength maxing. Another big component in the origin of looks maxing started in the online manosphere, especially in-cell message boards.

For anyone who's new, congratulations. That's a portmanteau of involuntary celibate, aka nobody wants to fuck you because you're the worst, but you assume it's about anything else except your personality. These people believe that romantic success in the cishead world they usually occupy is almost entirely determined. by money and physical appearance. Also, romantic success is equal to sexual volume. Volume. Hey, baby.

How much water are you displaced from a tank? You say. They call that sleigh maxing, by the way, having the maximum amount of sex. And they believe men who are slay maxing have traditional features of attractiveness like big muscles, trapezoid silhouettes, and prominent sharp jaw lines. the idea in the manosphere is to achieve the most possible sex by combining looks, obnoxious persuasion, and a variety of subterfuge, if need. I mean, it's their fault they didn't choose a kajit on startup.

That's on, that's on. Also, hey, look, I took two seconds to see who actually has the most sex statistically, and it's people in relationships who don't live together. So glad I did that before I put absolute Batman at the center of my vision board, huh? Yeah, good check. So looks maxing seems to be an evolution toward one particular angle of that manosphere theory, the looks part only. Other angles can be found in pickup artist culture and books like The Game,

penetrating the secret society of pickup artists. In my experience, that book gets recommended by idiot friends alongside books about how the Fed is a Ponzi scheme. And those two books are often stuck together somehow. It's weird. The game is the book that popular. terms like nagging and peacocking. Negging is criticizing women to make them like you. Counterintuitive. And peacocking is wearing loud,

silly hats to make women like you, which is also counterintuitive, I would say. Podcast listener. Keith has included a picture of the subject of that book, Mystery to pickup artist in our notes. And, well, first of all, you should Google him, so you understand why I'm talking the way I'm talking. Hold your car over if you're driving. Don't do it while you drive.

But I have to say, if you... I mean, in this case, do it while you're driving. Just risk it. It's worth risking it. If you fuck this guy, that's not you. Like, there's no way anyone is in fault for fucking this guy. But you and middle of the steampunk goggles. The steampunk fuzzy hat.

It's a little niche, but anybody remember the old school computer game, Agent USA, baby? Jesus. You're those photos where they overlap a million people and they say, this is your average whatever. It's like, this is your average garage band. If you did that with every garage band ever, you would get this guy. Just combining every terrible feature they have.

So the focus of the pickup artist community was mostly the obnoxious persuasion and the subterfuge, especially to overcome a lack of traditional attractiveness. But the looks maxing trend is entirely zero. it in on appearance. And when your genetics don't provide the physical traits you want, you start doing hacks. The lower level versions are referred to as soft maxing, stuff like working out at the gym or cleaning up acne with skin products. But that's evolved into the crazier stuff called hard maxing. Certain hard maxers have taken a photo of themselves, changed it around on Photoshop until they think it's ideal, and then looked into drastic measures that include steroids,

dissolvers, biodegradable sutures to just like pull stuff into the right shapes, I guess, and invasive surgery. That's right, podcast listener. They've invented cosmetics. I love it with types of asshole give themselves names for us. That's nice. It's convenient. So much easier.

And they have a whole glossary of terms in this world. Speaking of which, during our episode a few weeks ago about Guy Fox, there was a character in the story, who was described as especially attractive, and I was thinking about looksmaxing, and I said, he went full monk mode legit, mute up that jawline halo, optimized the whole phenos stack, SMV plus three, minsey with that V-taper, straight up, mugging the Betabucks Protestants. There were Protestants in that moment. So if you didn't know about looksmaxing, you might have thought I went into all psychosis. I did think that. That's true. I think that now. Okay, reasonable.

That might be accurate. But it also had some meaning when I said that. So I'll unpack some of those terms. I'll start with the meaning of mewed up that jawline. Mewing is a practice that kind of bridges the gap from soft maxing to hard maxing. This involves suctioning your tongue to the roof of your mouth, like all the time. As if it's the same as, you know, keeping good posture whenever you can. according to looksmaxers,

this can evolve the appearance of your jawline and make it more square and square of course is good and rounded is fucking stupid because nobody's fucking around the best way to do this sort of thing is to press a small cyanide pill off the roof of your mouth

with your tongue and it will just stay like that so they actually think they can suck in their jaw suck in your jaw Loser. Yep. That's a real one. And that's a popular one.

Because, you know, anybody can try to do that. Next up, we have monk mode, which refers to an extremely disciplined version of looks maxing. People in monk mode work on their physical appearance like a Zen monk would. You know, like the way they would work on enlightenment is very similar to Zen Buddhism. This includes constantly working out at the gym, often combined with steroid, abuse or buying stupid shit with promo codes from Joe Rogan. Yeah, just like a Buddhist monk would. Yeah, no, I get it.

Exactly. Like that. Stuff like Ashwaganda, which looks maxers describe as an adaptogenic herb. Boost testosterone and lower cortisol. Daphterogenic. They claim it reduces facial bloating, improves the quality of sleep,

and supports muscle growth. Monk mode also includes intense diet, sometimes paired with taking meth to suppress the appetite. Sure, sure. We're going to meet somebody who's definitely done that. And also eliminating social distractions

like dating and masturbation. Is masturbation a social distraction? Well, for some of us it is. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Hey, Heath, if it's a social distraction, we have to fire you from the company now. Also, it's my fault.

So we should get ahead of that. I'm pretty, I'm shitting pure, creotene into my jorts at 4 a.m. Because meth won't let me sleep and I haven't jerked off for a year. Surely this is the way to happiness. Jesus Christ. God. All right. I also said SMV.

Why do all that to yourself if you're not dating though? Like isn't not clear. I mean, I don't want to spoil everything. Oh, yeah. I don't want to spoil it. Like hour. It has the correct answer.

That's the answer to a lot of questions. If you have any questions, that's the answer today. that there was like a reason. Go ahead. Continue on. Please, Heath. So I also mentioned SMV. That stands for sexual market value. Of course it does. Yeah, pin in that for now. We also had optimized phenostack, V-Taper, and Betabucks. Those are also the terms. Optimizing the phenostack is the idea of analyzing your physical phenotype, your genetic traits, and then coming up with a tailored plan of interventions and

stacking them up together. And the V-taper is one of the goals of that. It's the V-shaped silhouette of broad shoulders and big upper back muscles with a trim waistline, like a cartoon superhero. And Betabucks is a Manosphere term that describes a man who attracts women with money, bucks, rather than looks,

and, you know, alpha-style charisma. So in looks-maxing circles, that's actually a derogatory term. Beta-Bucks is bad. It's a term for someone who, you know, cheats at the game by having any other quality than looks. Just that one guy with a fidelity portfolio stapled to his weak chin, you know? But what's so crazy about this is that all these guys are setting up a system for themselves to fail out.

They sure are. It would be like if Calvin was always making up rules to ensure he was losing at Calvin. Yes, it is. All right. Well, that brings us to magging. one of their biggest terms. Thank goodness. I was hoping we would get here.

Winning at looks maxing super hard against your perceived competitors, which is, I guess, everybody else. Much like karate people and Wharton MBA people might say something like establishing dominance. Luxmaxers talk about

mugging everyone at the party. Like if you show up at the party and have a better physique and a sharper jaw line from all your diligent muse sucking. Fun fact, if you've ever had the thought I'm winning this party,

you have never been right. Yeah. Well, unless it's because you were selling the most drugs. Yeah, right. There's multiple drug dealers. Just like an economic win. That's obvious. And they also have a term

a mog, and that's short for alpha mog. It's the name for someone at the pinnacle of magging. And speaking of the rankings, there's a whole category of terms that relate to quantifying physical attractness. It all starts with the PSL scale.

That's a rating system that was used on in-cell forums to score facial features from zero to eight. And that was believed to predict sexual volume. Some sources said PSL is short for physical, sexual level. But the origin is a reference to three of the biggest in-cell forums. That would be P-U-A hate or pickup artist hate. hate slut hate

that's the s and lookism so PSL okay for a second I thought you were going to tell us that the peak of attractiveness to this group was looking like a pumpkin

spice latte and I was about to become their yeah right look if you want women to be attracted to you oh my God September

there's just lining up outside my door Heath my yep so here's how the PSL scoring system works

It's not just some haphazard number, by the way. It has a very sophisticated rubric and it's very serious. It's actually four-dimensional, so it's hard to even picture it visually. It's really complicated math, but it's good stuff. According to looksmax.org for categories are harmony, dimorphism, angularity, and miscellaneous. Just have three categories. Just have three. Exactly.

So harmony is about how cohesive your facial features are as a whole. Dymorphism is how distinct you look from the opposite sex. Angularity is about sharpness to the features with high scores caused by just impossibly low body fat, like really unhealthy. And miscellaneous is other stuff. Apparently that other stuff includes eyebrow shape, nose profile, and skin clarity. You can get up two points along each axis. How many points for prosthetic elf ears and a long bow? Because I want a marks max if possible on this.

These measurements feel like a woman played a prank on someone who deserves it. Right? Like, what do I think is hot? First of all, I love your hat. Second of all, we hate Timothy Shalomei, and I love to snuggle knives. Right? Yeah, no. Tell all the people who will believe you.

If we find out, this all started with a prank, I'll be so happy. So now you're probably hoping for a detailed breakdown of the PSL scale, ideally arranged in a rankings chart and with examples of famous people for reference. Don't worry, they have that available, all of that at looksmax.org. It's a research there. It's a charity. They got a 501.3 going. I'll start at the bottom of the scale with scores from zero to 1.5.

The official term for those people is subhuman. What? Oh, is it? In the description box they have, it says, revealing their face could frighten you. And of course, the looks maxing community cares about rigorous statistical analysis. So they give you an idea of what their bell curve looks like. The subhumans represent one in 2000 of the population. Podcast listener, I have found this chart.

And I was going to make a joke about how it's just ranking the races because it is. but then I found several threads ranking the races on looksmax.org so it kind of ruined it. It's not one anymore. What they had planned out in the beginning. All right. Next we have scores from 1.5 to 3.

Men in this range are called low tier Normie or LTN and women in the range are called low tier Becky or LTB. That's us guys. I call this. It's also called podcasters sometimes. I call it down to fuck.

I call it down to fuck. actually. So down to podcast. Description there for the low tier says they might face bullying due to their appearance. That's one in seven people. That's fine. Four and four. That's fine.

Four out of four. It's four and four. Four out of four. Tom was here. We'd have a whole basketball team full of us. Well, not a basketball team. The new miracle equivalent. We have a B team.

Yeah. We have a B team. team. You can be a B team for anything. We can sit. We're going to bench. We're in. So, from three to four. I'm not confident that Eli can bench. I'm sorry. Absolutely can't bench.

So from there, we have three to scream, suck his dick from the bench. I'm so sorry. Please continue. I ask you this every episode and usually we got it. But this week, I think we should leave it in. Eli, I'm just leaving space for Cecil to fix that. Tough but fair Strong

Strong but fair So then from 3 to 4.5 You have mid-tier Normy and mid-tier Becky There Half-solidation That's followed by High-tier Normy and high-tier Becky

With scores of 4.5 to 5. Sounds good Representing 1 in 92 1 in 92 Writing this night 1 in 90s Yeah Well they have it at the site

But you don't want to go to that site So yeah write it down Then from 5.55 to six, you're called Chad Light or Stacy Light. Okay. That's one in 4,500 people. And then finally you get to people with value. Yikes.

From 6 to 7.25, they're called Chad or Stacy, heavy, I guess. Now we're talking about one in 153,000. It's like a Jehovah's Witness. They typically encounter no difficulties with attracting romantic partners unless facing severe mental health issues. Rob Lowe is a Chad and Amber Hurd is a Stacey. Yeah, that sounds great, Heath, but what's their Thaco? Like, that's the stat I'm really interested in.

And then at nearly the top of the scale, from 7.25 to 7.75, you have Gigacad and Gigastasy. Examples of Gigacad were models with like just aggressive cheat. cavities. They're really excited about that. I didn't know these people, but apparently they're famous, if you know, models. And examples of Gigastasy were Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie. And the description says, only a handful found globally. They're listed as one in eight million people. So to be clear, with a world population of 8.3 billion, that means there's 1,37 and a half giga people. that's what handful is. Wow.

Well, right, but what you don't know, Heath, is that I've been hands maxing, and now they're the size of fucking garbage can lids. I can put a lot of, I mean, I can't because all the bones are broken, but when the bones heal, I'll be able to put a lot of people. All right. And finally, at the very top, we have Tara Chad and Tara Stacey. Wow. With mythical scores of seven to seven to five to eight. They're like Kaiju. They shine purple.

Yeah, they're just purple. Jesus. The terrors, they represent one in 12 billion. Wow. Examples were n slash a. The description says, detaining this category is virtually impossible, as no one can achieve absolute perfection

or universal attractiveness to every woman worldwide. This designation is reserved for mythical figures like Adonis, or Apollo, as well as religious icons like angels or prophets. Due to the nature of... It's me, Moses. I don't think they know what prophets are. It's cool. I'm scribbing on the Hebs tonight, I'll tell you.

Hey, podcast listener, I'm not going to make any jokes for the next little... And it's because I'm singing Hava Nigela as looks maxed Moses in the background. And Ciesel's got it. Just so you know that's why I'm not here. sure sure they continue to the description here due to the nature of objectivity certain individuals might argue that certain models or actors fall into this category however objectivity is subjective and cannot be unequivocally i don't know that's what that means sure everyone in my first philosophy 101 class clapped when the girl behind me in lecture strangled me asleep with my own chain and yes i did get an f in the class but I'm going to bring some of those ideas to the looksmax.org community. They don't exist, but they're also one and 12 billion. That's crazy.

Weird how it works out. Yeah. And also just a quick little side note on those numbers. If anyone's keeping score at home, that all added up to about 65% of the people. Yeah. Well, assuming the total number of percent is approximately 100. So about 35% of the world is off the scale on either side. 35% of people are either an infinitely ugly bird box monster that makes you kill yourself

or an infinitely beautiful bird box monster that makes you kill yourself, I guess. Clearly. And while Heath introduces these folks to the concept of math maxing or just maxing, we're going to pause for a little apropos of nothing. Hey guys, welcome back to Man Crunch. I'm Cric Hilcher, and my guest in The Crunch today is Dr. Richard Warner of Universal Family Health. Thanks so much for coming on the pod. To be clear, I didn't agree to come on your podcast.

This is the only way you agreed to get an annual physical. Time is money, Dr. Warner. Right, right. So about that. You gave me a list of supplements that you'd like me to prescribe to you. And, Mr. Hilcher, that's not like... Please, call me Grange. You said,

Wait, Graith, you said a different name earlier, like entirely. What's happening right now? So the reason I brought you into the crunch today is to talk about our brand new program. Lift with your back, not with your legs. Right now, we've got over 7,000 Granch honkers, and they're all seeing major results. Can you hear me when I talk into the microphone?

I guess what I'm saying is people want to know is WLB and WLYL? L.L. Uh, no. Don't lift with your back. That's bad for you. Is it bad or swall? Bad, I said bad.

All right. We may never know. Thanks for coming on, Doc. Oh, is it over? Next week, I'm going to jail for statutory rape. Oh, that's no good, dregs. Call me Garald. None of the words you're saying are names. Stupid language happen to make me look like an idiot.

Hey, Eli. What's wrong? Oh, hey, I was just trying to impress Cecil's grandmother with my Italian, so I've been learning on my language learning app. But when she actually talked to me, I had no idea what she was saying. I feel like a total rube. Well, Eli, if you're serious about learning a language, you should try Babel. What's Babel?

It's a great way to learn a language. If you ever felt overwhelmed by the idea of learning a new language, you're not alone. Studies show that 70 to 90% of people trying to learn a new language give up. Fortunately, Babel is built so it's really easy to get started. They understand that people learn differently. So you can dive into a podcast. You don't quite feel like a quick lesson. You can speak out loud. You get that practice in. You can explore courses based on specific topics. And you can even create your own customized review lists all within the app. Wow, that sounds way better than a bunch of word matching games. It is. Babel recognizes that real world connections are at the heart

of language learning. Their courses are designed by over 200 language experts, real human beings, to teach you relevant words and phrases you'll actually use. So you can start speaking with confidence in as little as three weeks. I don't know, Heath. Have you actually used it? I sure have. I use Babel to brush up on my French. I'm going to be using it during a trip. I love how many different ways there are to learn. That's why I Heath Unright personally endorse Babel. All right, Heath, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. right now, get up to 60% off your Babel subscription at babble.com forward slash citation. Get up to 60% off at babel.com forward slash citation.

Spelled B-A-B-B-B-B-E-L.com forward slash citation. Rules and restrictions may apply. All right, Heath, thanks. Hey, guys. Hey, Cecil. Sorry my Italian was so bad in front of your grandmother. For the last time, my grandmother doesn't speak Italian, you had a stroke last year, man. Oh, well.

That's a relief. I mean the Italian thing, not the stroke. That's obviously extremely serious. Stop. Stop. Stopping. Stopping. And we're back when we last left off. Heath was trying to make you feel bad about how you look. Heath, what's next? All right.

So now you've got an idea of the eight-point rating system. So we're going to meet a couple members of this very curious species, including the top-ranked looks maxer in the world, but just one of the detail before we get there. There's also a score out of 10 points called Real Life Rating, which is partially based on the PSL scale. And here's that pin from earlier about sexual market value or SMV. You won't be able to understand the intricate math of the real life rating without it.

So outside of the number ratings, SMV is a general idea of attractiveness based on physical attributes, status, and wealth. in order to get your real-life rating, you estimate your SMV on a scale from zero to two points, and then you add that to your PSL score. Carry the four. You guys want to write it down? No, I'm right now.

I've been typing it in. It's a lot of math. It's a lot of math. Difficult. So the real-life rating is to review 80% face and then a bit more of other stuff that might also include face. Plus, I guess body stuff is in there somewhere,

but they mostly forgot to have it be part of the numbers because they're idiots. Sorry, I'm just adding my extra plus 1.5 for podcaster. You're going to do that. You're going to do that. Okay, so let's meet a looks max. Or not. Yeah, we could not skip it.

We could just call it. Yeah. All right, that's the episode. So we go to the Christian hell instead? I'm going to start with an influencer who made his name. name as part of the glow-up TikTok category. Blow-up just means a new and improved appearance, and the glow-up TikTokers make videos that started with mostly basic stuff like exercise

and skin care, soft maxing. But now many of them are moving into the hard maxing. That includes a guy with over 2 million followers who goes by the handle, Syrian Psycho. Well, that's inviting. That's nice. That name is based on his big moment of inspiration, which came from watching the movie American Psycho. His main takeaway from that film, American Psycho,

was the prescient looks-maxing routine of the serial killer played by Christian Bale. Syrian Psycho told the New York Times, quote, when I was watching it, I was like, damn, I wish I had his skin care routine, his morning routine. The only part that isn't perfect is the psychopathic tendency. And since that's the only character with a skincare routine in the history of cinema, I had to cite him as my inspiration. There's no one, I have no other choice.

Well, look, it was either that guy or the put the lotion in the basket guy. Am I right? It's just doing that. That was good skincare, yeah. And that brings us to the self-proclaimed amog of the looks maxing community, a guy who calls himself clavicular. that's a reference to his clavicle line, which he claims is extra long in the best way, with a biachromial width of 19.5 inches.

Holy shit. Yeah, I know. He's pretty sure that's ideal. And same goes for his other physical stats. He's 6 foot 2, 180 pounds, and has a 31 inch waste. How big is his buck hole? That's the thing.

Can you fist it. I'm 6-4-190, 32, two inch way. It's not big. I'm beating him in a while. It's fine. He's just dunked on him from the fucking free throw line. I was like, you shouldn't be bad that you lost three for three to a podcast. It's not a big deal. It's cool. It's cool. And his midface ratio, this is very important to them too. That's the distance from pupil of your eyes to mouth divided by the distance between the pupils.

That ratio for him is 1.07. Apparently that's very good. I guess. Fun fact, I also know my mid-face ratio, but it's for VR goggle purposes, which is like the opposite of getting laid. It is the opposite of, yes.

Yeah. Yeah. And his chin to philtrum ratio is also elite. That's the length of your chin bottom to lower lip measurement divided by your upper lip to bottom of nose measurement.

Plavicular is sporting a 2.6. It's also very good. Now, okay, personally, I find him medium in looks. Sure. I will say this. He is alpha level in punchability. Agreed. Like, ta, gig, a terra, whatever, punchable.

But you guys tell me, I put a photo of Braden, that's his name, aka clavicular in the notes. I feel like you probably don't have to do a series of equations to know you should probably cover your drink around him. Yeah. I feel like that is... Podcasts. Sounds accurate. Yeah.

Podcastless, sir. I cannot emphasize to you enough how much this young man who, again, has dedicated his life and brand to how handsome he is. I cannot convey to you how middle of the catalog he is. This is, and it's not even a, like, a high-end catalog. It's a low-end catalog. It's tragic. He looks like if Pottsy was a Muppet baby.

That's what he looks like. It's genuinely as if I were like, I am the smartest man in the world, right? Because like, I'm a little smart, but certainly it would be insane for me to say, I'm the smartest man in the world. Like if he went to the mall in upstate New York, where I grew up or Eli grew up, and he went to the Abercrombie and Fitch store to get a job as one of those stupid fucking models, He'd make like the second round but not get the job at best. Right.

So the important thing is if he went to that mall, he'd be the third best looking guy at that mall. So clavicular and his ilk are heavily focused on stupid little measurements like that face ratio we were talking about. That also includes the canthal tilt, which means the angle of the eye relative to level. and they're pretty sure you want the outer edge of the eye to be higher than the inner edge. That's called positive cantal tilt. And it's a key component of having what they call Hunter eyes. Canful culture. Canful culture, amazing.

Yeah, he's canceled for sure. And here's the thing. I'm just looking back at this photo, it looks like Braden does not have positive cantal tilt. Maybe negative. I'm sure he is truly. curious, like seething with rage about the axial flatness of his stupid fucking flat eyes. He's flat eyes bigger than his right eyes.

I'd still fuck you in the eye, Braden. Hey, positive. There you go, Braden. But at least he doesn't have a negative handful tilt, I guess. That's a component of what they call prey eyes, like the R-U-I, which they think is less masculine and obviously that's therefore bad. prey eyes are also wider, rounder, and they have sclerol show, meaning the white of the eye is visible below the iris. And that's gross if your sclera is showing down.

Hey, bring it in, podcast listener. This is why you got to check in with your autistic child's special interest, okay? Otherwise, you walk into their room and they're weeping with a ruler, press to the side of their eyeball, okay? You just get check in. maybe guide them gently towards trains or Andy Weir's right? Lots of great ideas. Fill in the blank.

Anything but this. This one's about a motion. There you go. Exciting. Other than squinting really hard while ugly crying to get his outer eye to go up a few clicks and viewing really hard to suction his jawline into a better shape. Here's a few other techniques that are part of levicular's

looks maxing stack, or at least aspirational goals. I'll start with a procedure he wants to get called the bimax or bimaxillary osteotomy. That's a double jaw surgery that's meant to be used in rare examples of extreme overbite or underbite. But now it's also a highly coveted cosmetic procedure for looks maxers that get some, I don't know, whichever bite they think is perfect. Plivicular is convinced the actor Matt Bomer has the perfect jawline, and the bimax procedure is the only way to achieve that for himself. Okay, well, I found the kind of gender affirming care I'm against.

There it is, everybody. Yeah. So, okay, so the thing is that I'm sure my jawline is unattractive by this guy's standard, but honestly, I can't tell you what direction it's unattractive. Which tilt do you have? Yeah, I don't know. Handfuls? If you can't tell what direction your stupid system is supposed to go, maybe it's fucking dumb. Here's some of the other techniques that I learned about, some of which are part of the clavicular system as well.

There's one that's a compliment to the mewing. Looksmaxers often recommend chewing extra hard gum to get the jawline muscles all yoked up. What if we chew normal gum a lot because the vegan brand we like makes a chubba-bubba flavor now? How's that? I mean, I'm sure that helps. Thank you. You got to shave the beard to show me that jaw on, man.

No. We'll see. They also do neck training. They strap heavy weights to their head. Not heavy enough. And then move them around to get a dominant neck. Now swim. There's also something called derma rolling or facial microneedle.

I'm sorry, what? They get a tool. that's covered in needles, a tool full of spikes, and roll it across their face to allegedly stimulate collagen. It also leads to very serious infection sometimes because the spikes in your face.

And it also leads to, you know, the fact of having stabbed yourself in the face with needles on purpose and you're an idiot. It leads to that too. Yeah. Putting the fucking punkin acupuncture. I love it. They also do urine therapy.

they rub urine on their face. I feel like a lot of these dudes were doing that before the internet told them to, but you know, fun. Neither here nor there. It's part of the influencer routine now. They also do orthotropics. This one involves sleeping without a pillow and always on your back

in order to reshape your skull. Oh my, if that was the only way to ever get laid, I just would never get laid. Fuck is that. A baby with a soft skull? What are you talking about? about. You can't reshape your skull.

You're not a cone head. What the fuck are you talking about? And then once they get it perfect, they got to like wear a helmet while they're speaking. Yes, you keep it perfect the whole time. Sorry, I got to sleep sitting up. It's the only way to keep my skull the same shape.

You know what I mean? They also do something called chin to chest taping. This one is taping your chin to your chest. They do this before going to bed in order to encourage a more forward-tilting head posture. Every single one of the things you mentioned, Heath, is a way to train yourself to suck your own cock.

That's all I'm saying. Every single one of those. Everything except Robin piss in your face, which is like, let's face it. Pissing is just when you miss. That's all. Yeah, exactly. You need to get yourself used to that as well anyway. Yeah.

Well, speaking of trying to do that thing Cecil mentioned, another technique they talk about is bone lengthening. Bone lengthening surgery, actually. It's a long... I'm femur maxing. Yeah. Bone maxing. It's a long and extremely

painful procedure that gradually elongates the bones of arms or legs. Your arms? The bones would get surgically broken on purpose and then slowly separated over months, allowing new bone tissue to fill in the gap.

No evidence that any of these fucking liars actually did that, but bone lengthening surgery is now being suggested at least as something to choose on purpose by the craziest looks like the tallest guy doesn't get bone lengthening. Check your privilege shelf reacher.

I just want to give my arms as long it's an NBA guy. So they drag on the crowd behind me. Don't you want me to look like? Don't I look perfect now? Arms maxing guys. Arms maxing guys. It's like you.

And we have one more bone-related thing, according to clavicular. He's actually done this one already. I guess he's saving up for that by maxillary osteotomy to get the Matt Bomer jaw. But in the meantime, he's been hitting himself in the face with a hammer. Oh, he doesn't have to do that. Yeah, in the looks maxing community, this is called bone smashing. For the rest of us, it's called bone smashing. he claims that he hits himself in the face with a hammer

right along the jaw line in order to make small fractures that heal into a better shape in his head. I feel like he's missing a step in there, right? Between the smash thing. Therapy. That's what it is.

I have an idea for you, buddy. You can fund this in a week if you let someone else do the smash. If you let us pay to smash, then shit dude you'll fund that in a week that's like a dunk tank if i get to slap you in the face of the hand yeah my god we can erase the national debt oh macek sign me up clavicle to go universal health care why do you want to even get that bymats at that point uh okay so you're all probably wondering at this point what else does livicular do what are his hobbies and interests literature ballet

the opera? Maybe. But one we know about for sure is clubbing with neo-Nazis. Earlier this year, Lovicular spent some time in Miami, during which he partied at a nightclub with, here it is Nick Fuentes and Andrew Tate. Wow. And, yeah, well, okay,

you're thinking he was just stopping at their bottle service table to have a nuanced debate regarding the pros and cons of eugenics. I wasn't thinking. He was not. It's not as good as that situation. I just mentioned. At one point, they were all caught on video singing along to the track Hyle Hitler by the artist formerly known as Kanye West. Just Yay. And at least one member of their squad does a Heil salute in the video. I know this upsets people, but Yay can get away with this

because he doesn't use the hard R in Hitler. That's true. He can get away to that. So based on everything you've heard, a natural assumption about Loviculars, politics would be far-right neo-Nazi. And that's very possibly accurate. But according to Lovicular himself, he is apolitical. He won't be drawn into politics. And he says that politics are all jester, meaning a useless pursuit because it's not about looks. That goes along with a term called jester maxing, where you focus on wacky behavior and humor,

the max. Works so fine for some of us, Kovikina. Right, but true looks maxers often frown upon jester maxing because it brings personality and intellect into the equation, and that's bullshit. And during a recent interview with conservative podcaster Michael Knowles of The Daily Wire, they were talking about presidential candidates for 2028. This guy got clavicular on and he was like, let's talk politics. They were talking about the presidential candidates for 28 and clavicular said he prefers Gavin Newsom. over J.D. Vance, but not for any reason related to political philosophy. It's because Newsom is mauging the fuck out of Vance and all the other politicians, because Gavin is pretty.

What do you guys want to bet that that cost him more followers than the Hitler thing? Plavicular, let me hit you in the face with a hammer. I can reverse that slide, then. So other than neo-Nazi sing-alongs at nightclubs and apolitical appearances with, alt-right political podcasters. What's the typical day-to-day of a looksmaxer like Lovicular? What's the workflow? Well, it appears to be a combination of dating, producing your absurd content, and dating while producing your absurd content.

In a recent article about Lovicular, we got a description of a date. Lovicular and his team, we're staying at an Airbnb here the campus of Arizona State University. It's a looks maxing hub, apparently. where he does lots of his sleigh maxing and content maxing. The day started with a breakfast of chicken fingers. It works out fine for some of us. Everybody loves chicken fingers.

They're good. You're chicken maxing, no, I don't let anyone start your other one. After breakfast, Plovicular jumped in a van with his cameraman and a fellow influencer and a security guard. And they picked up his date for that morning in that. in that van, a 24-year-old student named Mia, who's also a looksmaxer herself. And that seemed to bother, Mr. Levicular,

especially when she used some of the looks-maxing lingo. He commented, it's a male space. And he said to Mia, my culture is not a costume. No, we didn't. It is, though. Your own personality is a costume, a man. Yeah, traditionally. I'm sorry, wait. So is he saying that being attractive is cultural appropriation now?

He is. Yes. It's confusing. The date itself is just truly a nightmare. They went to the local aquarium with Clavicular's production team getting everything on video. At one point, Lovicular pets a sturgeon in a tank. He recoils in disgust and he excuses himself because he has to go quote, hand sanitizer max in the bathroom. And if you're wondering, does the entire date include a cameraman wearing a backwards mesh trucker hat following you around the entire time? Yes, it does. It definitely does include that. So how did that lovely day end? How was the rest of the date for the A-Mogg of the looks maxing community, the so-called ideal physical specimen

of a young man crafted with a painstaking regimen of diet exercise and hitting himself in the face with the hammer, it appears that it ended with nothing. When Mia was asked by the reporter whether she was on a date, she said, I think so. And according to the provicular, just the knowledge that he could have sex is often better than the experience itself. He said, quote, the sex is going to gain me nothing. It's a big time saver.

Yeah. Honestly, I'd way rather be hanging out with my bros. Like, dude, could you imagine if you could have sex with your brods and then your love and obsession with the male aesthetic could be like, for them.

Can you imagine? Oh, man. You're so cool. Like, if you thought about men and how they look and how much they're handsome, if you thought about that all day. You quantified it. Are you? You really spent a lot of time with the masks and like an Excel spreadsheet.

Should we just have sex, man? We can just have sex if we want. Nah, I'm going to be a time saver for us to not. Yeah. One final detail on this. Literally three days before recording this. He beat himself to death with a hammer.

No? Okay, forget it. Not quite as good as that. Lovicular got arrested. in Florida and charged with battery. Okay. After posting a video in which he instigates a fight between two women. And authorities are also investigating on another recent video in which Clavicular and his crew of

idiots take an airboat into the Everglades and they shoot an alligator. That's the video. Jesus, fucking these people. And if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, Heath, what would it be? Being a look smackser is a great way to be a slay minner because you're just off. It's a It's good for saving on birth control. A lot of good things you're doing there.

All right. So are you ready for the quiz? Let's do it. It's just so mad at that alligator because it's such a nice chin. It's like a long chin. It's so long. And they're just like, man,

you're relaxing to the max. A handful tilt. Yeah. Well, and nobody can mute quite like those. Yeah, no. You just thought you're out of your element. You got to shoot the alligator. All right.

Heath, when you look smacks and you still can at a date. What exercise do you run back to the gym to work on? A. Invite, decline, depress. B, pride crushers or C. sobbing full back cries. Okay. So, I so much have never been to a gym that I'm not sure what those are references. I was hoping Tom would be here. Be pride crushers. Pride crushers is correct. All right. Heath, what are some other forms of maxing that clavicular is involved in. A. Maximally disappointing his sexual partners or anti-climaxing. Fantastic. Fantastic. Thank you. B. Nauseating people with antiquated

ideas and phrases or grody to the maxing. C. Having the highest possible number of a certain genus of slug that includes several forms that serve as intermediate hosts of worm parasites of vertebrates or agrillo maxing. Sorry, there's not. not a lot of English words that end with Max, it turns out. You're doing your best though. Good for you.

D, ending the most sexual propositions by being physically struck in the face or smacking. Nice. Okay. Anti-cly maxing. It's so good.

It's the reason for the season. It is correct. I thought I'd bury it with it at the beginning, but you got it. All right, Heath, obviously looks maxing

and the culture around it are terrifying, but there may be some upsides. Are they A? Feels like the right people are taking themselves out of the gene pool. B, we might get trans health care for kids back if we just call it mugging and mewing. C, at least someone's hitting this dude in the face with a hammer. You know what I'm saying?

Seriously. It's a good. It's D. It's D all the above. Happy ending. All right. Well, obviously the winner this week is Eli, because he closed on the thought of hitting that dude in the face with a hammer. As always, as I close every episode.

All right, I would like a NOAA essay next week. All right, I'm going to make you regret that. All right, well, for Heath, Eli Cecil, and usually, Tom, I'm Noah, thank you for hanging out with us today, but we're going to be back next week. And by then, I will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can hear more from Cecil on the No Rogan Experience and Cognitive Dissinance.

You can hear more from Eli on Dear Old Dads and God Off a Movies. You can hear more of Heath on the scathing atheist and the skeptocrat. And you can hear others of us on some of that shit, too. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com or leave us a five-star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media

or check out the show notes. Be sure to check out citationpod.com. Hey, hey, guys, coming at you live from prison, where, as many of you saw on court TV, I will be for the next 10 to 15 years. The question is, how soon before the so-called yard enters the Cruncherdome with WLN, BN, W-W-Y-L.

And we were actually just going to stab you to death. Don't! Come here.