Citation Needed - Moving Day

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

Moving Day was a tradition in New York City dating back to colonial times and lasting until after World War II. On February 1, sometimes known as "Rent Day", landlords would give notice to their tenants what the new rent would be after the end of the quarter,[1] and the tenants would spend good-weather days in the early spring searching for new houses and the best deals.[2] On May 1,[3] all leases in the city expired simultaneously at 9:00 am, causing thousands of people to change their residences, all at the same time.[4][5]

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I'm Eli Bosnik and I'll be checking off the boxes this evening, but'll need some guys to do the heavy lifting Noah Tom and Heath. I have pink eye. Sorry Colvin. I Don't want to Honestly a great summary of our cast Before we begin tonight, I'd like to thank our patrons. Patrons, without you, the only moving we'd be doing is back in with our parents. And that would only be nice for two of us, so we thank you. And if you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Noah, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon,

or event will we be talking about today? We'll be talking about moving day. And Tom, you've boxed this information up nice and neatly in your mind. Are you ready to share what's left on buy nothing your neighborhood? I'll tell you this Eli, last time I moved, the amount of shit I just decided I'd rather not own rather than move it, stretched from my side of the curb into my neighbor's property. So let's do this.

That's true. That's true. Tom doesn't live in his house anymore. So tell us, Tom, what is moving day? Also, what's the deal with the human condition? Thank you.

Thank you, Heath. I'm glad you asked after 432 episodes. I feel like you finally get me. Mwah. I know there are a few perfectly true facts about the human condition. All right. Sentences which, when uttereded are embraced by all peoples,

regardless of race, creed, age, class or sex. But I know but one moving sucks. Even a good move is a nightmare of logistics and sweat and stress. Even if you are moving to your dream home in your dream location to live with your favorite person, the very act of moving of packing all your shit and cleaning and lifting and lugging and unpacking of a, of either hounding your friends to break your shit or paying movers to do it of

making run after run with your buddies pick up or renting a truck whose air conditioning has long ago failed or playing air traffic control while beefy, indifferent, hungover college kids bump your shit into your walls. Moving, it's just always, it's the fucking worst. But like most awful shitty things, there are ways to make that even worse, which brings us to the subject of today's episode, Moving Day. OK, between Noah showing a book how to do a biography last week and Tom

dedicating an episode to lifting a couch this week, I expect Cecil's triumphant return essay to be about how long they will make you wait at baggage claim Oxford, essay coming soon. Oh, there you go. So just to back up your point, Tom, moving is such a pain in the ass that I've chosen remaining in rural South Georgia over it for four years in a row. By the way, that air conditioning thing happened to my car this weekend We drove 10 hours in like somehow 99 degree weather everywhere between Michigan and Maryland

And my AC immediately stopped working we were just pouring For the whole way down now your wife to buy you a car. She's a grown-up. Yeah She bought me some freon for the way home. I would have bought a new car before. I would have stopped at a car dealership on the road and bought a new car. There's no way I'd put up with that shit. I'm a grown up. Why are you marrying up and still driving around in your fucking super room, man? It has no mileage for a 05. Now imagine how bad it would be if the same day that you were moving,

all of your friends were also moving and your boss was moving and your parents and your neighbors and everyone else that you knew and everyone you didn't know across the entire city of, say, New York. Imagine how unutterably stupid and chaotic and nightmarish that would be. That's real and it's moving day. A tradition dating back to colonial times and which continued until after World War II. Right, because I think we can all agree that the problem with New York is that not enough people are trying to do the same thing at the same time. Okay, somehow Zoran Mamdani is getting investigated by ICE for this.

Oh, there's box checking involved. So, yes. Now, moving day was proceeded, as you might imagine, by something called Rent Day. Rent Day was on February the 1st. And on this day, all the landlords across the city would announce the new rents for the coming year, Which meant that lots of people were discovering that either they couldn't afford their home anymore or, perhaps if they were very lucky, were discovering that they could afford something nicer.

Whichever it was, a few months after rent day on May the 1st, all leases in the entire city of New York all expired on the same day at the exact same time Why would any of that be on the same day? Same day at 9 a.m. Which meant that an absolute Shit ton of people all on the same day needed to get the fuck out of one place and get the fuck into another Okay one place and get the fuck into another. Okay, alright look, I have been at the end of a line on a New York train when the only exit from the train was to the left and still motherfuckers bumped

into each other. I cannot imagine how New York even survived a tradition like this. Gotta get in before you get out cause then I'll be there safe. Now I do want to apologize a little bit for this episode, because I'll be quoting extensively in the back half of it, but the madness, the sheer chaos that Moving Day engendered was so perfect in its insanity that those who wrote about it at the time are best equipped to describe it.

In 1799, observer of this orchestration of madness said that New Yorkers are quote, seized on the 1st of May by a sort of madness that will not let them rest till they have changed their dwelling. Yeah, it's the plane pulling up to the terminal and everyone stands up at the exact same time, but the plane is everyone in New York City inside.

Also, let's make it a holiday. What the fuck was happening? May 1st was a citywide pandemonium. With thousands and thousands of households all scrambling on the same day to move out of one place and into another, the city was in complete chaos. Renters leaving one home for another

had to wait for the home they were hoping to move into until it was vacated and cleaned out and was well enough suited for them to be moving in, all on the same day they were themselves moving out. And since the work all took place in one day, there was not enough steady business to create and sustain an industry of professional movers. Which meant that regular laborers with carts were repurposed into movers for moving day. But as you can imagine, there just weren't enough of those people. So luckily, everyone around knew that on May 1st, the city of New York was going to be a giant shit show. And so farmers and everybody with a cart or a wheelbarrow

would come into the city and just price gouge the shit out of everybody. Just apple carts careening into other apple carts. All over the place. Just avoiding giant panes of glass being carried everywhere for some reason. This all sounds like a Buster Keaton short setup. Yes. Everybody's got a penny farthing today.

That's weird. By 1820, the volume of propertyless renters on moving day clogged the city streets with the aforementioned carts and barrows and wagons. A cartman were supposed to only charge the legally allotted amount for moving, but the truckman just charged whatever the hell they wanted because of course they did.

And sometimes they were charging the equivalent of a week's wages to haul people's shit from one flat to another and some of them also decided to just go ahead and raise their fees mid move and if if customers refused to pay the Cartman would just cart all their shit to the police station and then tack on an extra fee for then having to move their shit to the police station. Okay, but I feel like that's just stealing, right? That's stealing. Like police station, that's the last place you wanna go. I have to fucking New York police station in 1820s.

I feel like that would be the best place to go. They could probably give you advice on stealing. You'd have to bribe them first, but still, yeah. And by 1856, the strict custom of moving day, being only one actual day of madness, began to lessen as people figured out this was a chaotic and stupid fucking way to do something already stressful. And the brilliant solution they came up with was to informally

create Moving Week. Other days? No. Oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah. Which stretched out the horror of moving day across a long enough period of time to just be maximally awful,

but not a long enough period of time to fix the fucking problem. Guys, these shit sandwiches are awful. I feel like we should solve the problem with smaller portion sizes. What if we eat shit all week and on a different day? Yeah. Though by 1873, after an economic depression, it ended. Fewer people had to move as often.

This is because moving day resulted not just from expired leases, but from raised rents. And after the depression, additional housing was constructed and it eased some of this completely preventable bullshit. Just Ezra Klein angrily swimming around in his grandpa's balls. This is what I'm talking about, people! Also, nobody fertilize Mrs. Doubthit. You got it? Don't do that. Alright, now moving day sounds rough, but what could be worse than one moving day?

How about two moving days? Near the end of the 19th century, many people in New York had figured out that living in a swamp off the Hudson in the summer was awful. And those with the means often left the city for the cooler regions of New York State, which meant that October 1st became a sort of second moving day, with a flood of people returning into the city and taking their belongings out of storage and moving their shit into their newly rented homes. Okay, but at least we don't have to feel bad when those ones get price gouged though. That's fair. And eventually moving days sort of drifted from May 1st to October 1st and then consolidated

back into just a single day. At its height in the 20th century, fully one million people all moved on the same day in New York. The tradition fell off, however, when the U.S. entered World War II, since there was a shortage of men at home to do the actual work of moving people about. And by 1945, the housing shortage just killed the tradition entirely. Yeah, Sally Sectional and Bertha Boxspring didn't get the same buzz as Rosie the Riveter. I mean, the tradition isn't gone entirely. People still move on May 1st. It's just...

It's just a coincidence now. Okay, fun fact, there were actually a couple of alternative characters to Rosie the Riveter one of them was big Bertha Who just like moved big shit? the other one was Jenny on the job. I think it's just like lady job lady I'm glad they stuck with Rosie lady job lady would have been terrific I think that would have been that would have been inspiring on posters. Boating the boat face of yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They made that noise, though.

I'm going to uppercut you a bertha. What we need now is a fighting game where we pit them all against each other. Yeah. Now, the moving day history is interesting, but really, it is the descriptions of what moving day was like that made me want to tell you guys this story. So in Domestic Manners of Americans, author Francis Trollope described Moving Day this way, quote, on the 1st of May, the city of New York has the appearance of sending off

a population flying from the plague or of a town which had surrendered on condition of carrying away all their goods and chattels. Rich furniture and ragged furniture, carts, wagons and drays, ropes, canvas and straw, packers, porters and draymen, white, yellow and black, occupy the streets from east to west, from north to south on this day. Everyone I spoke to on this subject complained of this custom as most annoying, but all assured me it was unavoidable if you inhabit a rented house. More than one of my New York friends have built or bought houses solely to avoid this annual inconvenience."

It's unavoidable, they said, having never heard of literally everywhere else. What the fuck didn't Frances Trollope tell him about elsewhere? She knew about it clearly. That's some historical society guy no one cares about wrote his daughter about moving day in 1832 saying quote, Tuesday, the 1st of May, hazy raw. Yesterday was very unfavorable for the general moving of our great city. High rents, in commodious dwellings and necessity combined to crowd our streets with carts overloaded with furniture and hand barrows with sofas, chairs, sideboards, looking glasses and pictures.

So as to render the sidewalks almost impassable. A practice moving looking glasses, just barrows full of them. Okay. The practice of all moving on one day and giving up and hiring houses in February is an ancient custom. And when the city was small and inhabitants few in number, almost everybody owned or continued for years tenants in the same houses. Few instances of removals were seen, but now New York is literally in an uproar for several days before and after the first of May. This practice of move all to strangers appears absurd, but it is attended with the advantage of affording a greater

choice of abodes in the February quarter. Oh, you didn't find a decent guitar player with a flamethrower on his guitar None other than Davey Crockett King of the Wild Frontier also saw an opined killed him a bar about moving. Thank you He said men over 40 have to say the rest of those. In us, it's the Robert Rabbit fucking says. Jesus fucking Christ quote, by the time we are on Roger Rabbit is the other one.

Quote, by the time we returned down Broadway, it seemed to me that the city was flying before some awful calamity. Why, said I, Colonel, what under heaven is this matter? Everyone appears to be pitching out their furniture and packing it off. He laughed and said this was the general moving day. Such a sight nobody ever saw unless it was in this same city. It seemed a kind of frolic, as if they were changing houses just for fun. Every street was crowded with carts, trays,

and people. So the world goes. It would take a good deal to get me out of my log house, but here I understand many persons move every year. He sounds like Cecil being shown a piece of ziti on a slice of pizza. I sure have strange traditions here, I said, well, adjusting the dead raccoon on my head and taking a bite from my fried squirrel on a stick. I still have a scar from that ziti incident with.

But you've learned your lesson. I have not though. That's the problem. I should though. He's very strong. In the 1843 book, a narrative of two Two Years City and Country Residents in the United States, an English woman that you've never heard of, describes it this way, quote, by an established custom the houses are let from this day, May the first, for the term of one year certain.

And as the inhabitants in general love variety and seldom reside in the same house for two consecutive years, those who have to change, which appears to be nearly the whole city, must be all removed together. Hence from the peep of day till twilight may be seen carts which go at a rate of speed astonishingly rapid, laden with furniture of every kind, racing up and down the city as if its inhabitants were flying from a pestilence, pursued by Death with his broad scythe just ready to mow them into eternity. Oh, alright, well, if Death is chasing you with his scythe, I feel like you would leave your shifirobe behind, wouldn't you?

I feel like somebody would invent 13 months for at least one time. You'd think, yeah. Like a TED Talk, the future is now. Thirteen months, and everybody goes nuts. You could go eleven, actually. You You'd think, yeah. Like a Ted Talk, the future is now. 13 months and everybody goes nuts. We could go 11 actually. We could go 11 too. All right, well, while we sit Tom down and break it to him that moving day

is like the eighth worst thing New York City does on a regular basis, we'll take a little break for some Apropos of Nothing. Now you get out of my way! No you get out of MY way! Hey fellas, what's all the hubbub? I'll tell you what it is, it's moving day and this maloink won't get out of my way! Maloink eh? Sounds like a real heart and gopher thing to say.

I'm just fighting words. Fellas! Fellas! Surely we can work this out. We needn't be at each other's throats. I'm sorry, brother, it's just it's moving day. The whole city moves on the same day. Oh, okay, um, but why?

Well, because the lease is expired and the rent is due. Right, right, I understand that's when everyone's lease is up, I guess, but why don't we just, I don't know, talk to our neighbors, figure out how to work together? And move in late? The hell I will! Okay, okay, well, you have a cart with all your belongings in the middle of the street and you're screaming at someone. Wouldn't you rather just not do that? Well, I guess so.

Yeah, just feels to me like these inequalities would be better remedied by group action than by everyone behaving as badly as possible. Oh, Well yeah. But if we do behave badly we might get to go first. Oh yeah out of my way. Now you get out of my way. Yeah there it is. OK and then I'm pretty sure Tom was like oh I'm afraid of the wheel. Let's use something square instead.

I didn't say that. I feel like you did. Hey fellas, whatcha doin'? Oh, Noah, fantastic. We're trying to remember what we decided at last week's company meeting, but Tom is being difficult. I'm not being difficult, and Eli's doing an impression of Cookie Monster. Look guys, if you're having trouble keeping track of meetings, you should try Fireflies.

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with integrations across more than 60 different apps like Zoom, Google Meet, Slack, Asana, Zapier, and your CRM. I don't know, Noah. Is that stuff secure? It sure is. Fireflies was designed with security in mind, giving you the ability to control who can view, share meeting notes, and even choose where to store your meeting information. Alright Noah, I'm sold.

Where do I sign up? Well right now, when you sign up for a yearly Fireflies subscription, you can get your first two months for free. Just go to fireflies.ai slash citation. That's right, two months for free when you go to fireflies.ai slash citation that's fireflies.ai slash citation Awesome Noah. Thanks, but for right now. We have to rely on my impression of Tom. Yeah, definitely doing you last thing That's not even how I sound well. I mean that is how you sound exactly You're doing

And we're back when we off, New York was walking over here. Tom what happened next? All right, let me give you another description. This time from a lawyer in his diary. Where'd you get your tootles? This time from a lawyer in his diary and he wrote, quote, May the first fine weather to the great comfort of the locomotive public. Never knew the city in such a chaotic state.

Every other house seems to be disgorging itself into the street. All the sidewalks are lumbered with bureaus and bedsteads to the utter destruction of their character as thoroughfares, and all the space between the sidewalks is occupied by long processions of carts and wagons, and vehicles omniginous laden with perilous piles of movables. We certainly haven't advanced as a people beyond the nomadic or migratory stage of civilization, analogous to that of the pastoral cow-feeders of the Tartar Steps. And this is why I drive my car on the sidewalk when there's traffic people, because I'm respecting the Tartar Steps. And this is why I drive my car on the sidewalk when there's traffic people,

because I'm respecting the Tartar Steps. I love it. He's almost all the way through it. He's like, fuck, this isn't bigoted yet, and it's the 1800s. What the fuck are we, a bunch of Ukrainians over here? Come on. By 1865, the Times described the Cartman I mentioned before,

saying, quote, on the 1st of May too, the Cartman becomes a different creature, not particularly civil at any time. On moving day, he must be approached with caution. He has become Lord of the Ascendant. Ordinary offers do not tempt him. He has been known to laugh to scorn a man who offered him $5 to convey a load half a dozen blocks. He declines, making any previous engagements. He seeks no customers, but rather conveys the idea that he would prefer to be let alone.

At the same time, he keeps a sharp eye to business and only accepts an offer when he knows he can't beat a cent more out of his customer. And then when he is engaged, he goes about his work with supremest indifference. He is above all ordinances. He is a creation of the day. Tomorrow, he will be a mere Cartman, amenable to law and standing in fear of the mayor's marshal. OK, spoken like a man who never had to order an Uber in the rain. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. These days that that's called surge pricing. Yes.

Another great description of this entirely artificially created citywide crisis. Quote, all New York moves on the first of May, not only moves about as usual in the everlasting hurry scurry of business, but one house empties itself into another all over the city. The streets are full of loaded drays on which tables are dancing and carpets rolling to and fro, small chairs which bring up such pretty cozy images of rolly polly mannequins and maidens eating supper from tilted porridges and spilling the milk on their nightgowns.

These go- Really specific. It's very specific. Yeah. That's a kink, right? This is sex kink. Oh, 100%. Yeah, no, Tom, you should read that

like you're touching yourself under the table. Licking your lips, yeah. Small chairs, which Now you're just trying to beat no read everything Mark Twain voice from last week Do you want to start all the way at the beginning? Of the show episode one, yeah, right incredulous USA Episode one, Incredulous USA. These go ricketing along on the tops of beds and bureaus and not unfrequently pitch into the street and so fall asunder.

Children are driving hither and yon, one with a flower pot in his hand, another with work box, band box or oil canikin, each so intent upon his important mission that all the world seems to him, as it does to many a theologian, safely locked up within the little walls he carries." All right, so if I'm following the language correctly, he kind of went out of his way to add a parenthetical priest or simple-minded idiots into his description, and I kind of love him for that. Continuing, quote, the dogs seem bewildered with this universal transmigration of bodies, and

as for the cats, they sit on the doorsteps, mewing piteously, that they were not born in the Middle Ages, or at least in the quiet old portion of the world. And I, who have almost as strong a love of localities as poor puss, turn away from the windows where they suppress the nathema on the 19th century with its perpetual changes. Okay, cats get mad if they see one suitcase. Never. If this tradition ends with a squad of like murder cats in riot gear putting down the moving day mob, I think I'm on board. Do you want an appropriate emblem of this country and its age?

Then stand on the sidewalks of New York and watch the universal transit on the 1st of May. However, human beings are such creatures of habit and imitation that what is necessity soon becomes fashion, and each one wishes to do what everyone else is doing. A lady in the neighborhood closed all her blinds and shutters on May Day. Being asked by her acquaintance whether she had been in the country, she answered, quote, I was ashamed not to be moving on the first of May, and so I shut up the house that the neighbors might not know it. One could not well imagine a fact more characteristic

of the despotic sway of custom and public opinion in the United States in the 19th century. Ha ha! 20th century's like, hold my beer. Ha ha ha! And of course, the New York Times in 1855 had some advice and commentary. Quote, it will begin early, before some of us are up no doubt and it will continue late. The sidewalks will be worse obstructed in every street than Wall Street is where the brokers are in full blast.

Old beds and rickety bed stands, handsome pianos and kitchen furniture will be chaotically huddled together. Everything will be in a muddle. Everybody in a hurry, smashing mirrors in his haste and carefully guarding boot boxes from harm. Sofas that go out sound will go in maimed. Tables that enjoyed casters will scratch along and tip on one less than its compliment. Bed screws will be lost in the confusion and many a good piece of furniture badly bruised and consequence. You got to take it apart and put those screws in a ziplock.

You fucking monsters. Take that shit to the leg or whatever. Jesus tape. Eighteen hundreds. Figure it out. Do they have duct tape? Is it duck or ducked duck? Back then it was chicken tape Tyrannosaurus tape back then Better joke that is a better joke family pictures. I'm gonna keep both

Family pictures will be sadly marred and the china will be a broken set before night in many a house. All houses will be dirty, never so dirty, into which people move and the dirt of the old will seem enviable beside the cleanliness of the new. The old people will in their hearts murmur at these moving dispensations. The younger people though aching in every bone and tired to death will relish the change and think the new closets more roomy and more nice and delight themselves Fancying how this piece of furniture will look here and that piece in the other corner. The still younger ones will still more enjoy it.

In the cellar and upon the roof, into the rat holes, and on the yard fence, into each room, and prying into every cupboard, they will make reprisals of many things worth saving, and mark the day white in their calendar, as little less to be longed for in the return than Fourth of July itself. Yeah, this is almost as good as the day we set off pretty explosions is not the brag

the gray lady thinks it is. But, okay, but here's the thing though. This sounds terrible and everything, but then I compared it to like actually apartment hunting in New York City and my experiences with that and I don't know that it got better. I feel like maybe we should go back to this and give it another go. I feel like you'd fucking handle the shit out of a Dre Nollution.

You gotta have a Dre of gold now. It's crazy. Right, yes, yeah. Dreedle. That continues. Keep your tempers, good people. Don't growl at the carmen or haggle over the price charged. When the scratched furniture comes in, don't believe it is utterly ruined.

A few nails, a little glue, a piece of putty, and a pint of varnish will rejuvenate many articles that will grow very old twix morning and night and undo much of the mischief that comes of moving and which at first sight seems irreparable. All right, nothing more New York than adding, also don't come fucking whining to me cuz your furniture is ruined Everybody's fucking furniture is fucking ruined, okay?

Eli, what was your Dragold thing? Just Jewish people You're not letting my swings, you know hit the edit room floor This evening he then read it like You know hit the edit room floor This evening he then read it like I I'd like it to lay on the floor Enjoyed the coughs the sneezes the arms the eyes and my jokes You're probably thinking that this all sounds

Completely mad but also the kind of mad that happened in times gone by. Surely, you are saying to yourself that a major US city would not in the 21st century still have something so artificially panic-inducing and stupid and that can only add stress and strife to a day already rife with stress and strife. And if you thought that, then you have not heard of Alston Christmas, which is Moving Day in Boston and which is still very much an ongoing concern. It turned Tom into Dr. Seuss for a second.

It did, yeah. I mean, of all the 1800s traditions that Boston keeps, Moving Day is the one I'm least concerned with, Tom. I hate to tell you that. Okay, that guy was just trying to move his pressure cooker to an apartment. Oh my God. Oh, fucking shit.

On September the 1st in Boston, somewhere in the neighborhood of 70% of all the leases in the city expire, prompting, of course, Moving Day. In Boston, many of the affected leases are those of college students, and across the city swaths of unprepared college kids scramble to move their shit. And since college kids are not known for their long-term planning and preparation skills,

a just shit-ton of furniture and belongings end up dumped on the curb to be claimed by scavengers. A great many of these lease expirations take place in the Alston neighborhood, and with all the free stuff abandoned across the city, the tradition took on the name Alston Christmas. Really, Tom, you choose this topic on a week when Cecil isn't here to do Boston Lady Voice? What a waste. We're taking this fucking couch! We're taking it! Fucking pick up the side! I'm getting so pregnant on this thing!

Fucking pivot! I'm so pregnant right now. I'll Febreze the cum spots! We'll keep them. Whatever. The Boston Globe in 1925 describes Moving Day's mad scramble this way, quote, in many actual cases today, one set of furniture waits on the lawn for the other to move out. It is the old game going to Jerusalem on a larger scale. OK, so I looked that up.

That is the colonialism name for musical chairs. And as bad as that is, like especially given present circumstances, it's nowhere near as anti-Semitic as I was expecting. So at least there's that. Yeah, you don't have to play to have a Nagila, but it helps. This is the mad scramble from one location to another, everyone trying to settle down in a preferred position and discovering new neighbors in the process. As in the old game also, every time there is a scramble, someone gets left. There are 15 families, all of which planned to move today, each one into a house formerly occupied by one of the others.

And all 15 are held up because number one family is building a house for itself and can't move in until the plaster is dry. And number two family can't move until number one moves out and number three is waiting for number two and so on. And nobody had invented talking to each other yet. Or other days. They hadn't invented it. And very simple solution. Very simple solution. Now, unlike New Yorkers, Bostonians never abandoned moving day.

On moving day, there are widespread traffic jams and diversions and, course accidents. So Boston. Yeah, Boston, Boston. The roads which in Boston are already impossible to traverse become impassable not just from traffic but from shit just falling off of poorly packed trucks and blocking the roads. Trash and debris are strewn across the city and an enormous amount of garbage appears suddenly and in enormous volumes. So Boston. Fenway Park. In 2023, Moving Day in Boston produced 38 tons of waste and 1,700 abandoned mattresses, presumably left behind by people who no longer need to sleep on mattresses. Clearly.

The city of Boston tries to reduce the impact of Moving Day, but again, with tens of thousands of people moving on one day, that is just impossible. Movers are required to get street occupancy permits, which I think is fucking adorable, since Boston is the only place I have personally been to where people don't just double park but I shit you not, triple park. That's on a regular Bostonian day. We do that in New York too. Those who get caught dumping furniture and shit are ticketed but the city is just overrun

with abandoned furniture because of course it is. Even the MBTA subway tries to help extending its hours to accommodate hapless Bostonians who are moving and trying to do so via the goddamn subway. Just 30 street preachers with megaphones on one side of a car avoiding some shitty college kid just hugging a couch. A lot of cum on that thing, man. And that still sounds better than the time I helped move someone from one three-floor walk-up to another three-floor walk-up literally across the goddamn street in July, and which twenty years later I'm still mad about.

Tom, is Cecil really on vacation or has your revenge come true? He's on vacation or is your romance come true? On vacation. All right. Well, if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be? If you need help moving, don't call me. All right. And are you ready for the quiz? I am. Tom would be so good at moving shit.

Tom would be amazing. I'm excellent at it. I'm not doing it. I figured you would just throw it from the third floor to the other third floor across the street. All right. So given how well everybody moves on the same day worked out for them, what other citywide clusterfucks did Boston try? A, an ordinance that required all people to get married on the same day and have the same anniversary. B, a rule that gave all of the

firefighters the same day off. C, a municipal holiday called Let's All Drive on the Left Day. Or D. The Big Dig. Oh, shit. It is definitely the Big Dig. Yes, it was, in fact, the Big Dig. All right, Tom, what's the most important thing for renters in places like New York and Boston to remember? A, landlords cannot magically evict you into a pumpkin the day your lease ends.

B, it takes several months at least to get a forced eviction. C, landlords know that and they're all secretly terrified. D, this is one of the only times ever that you have any power in late stage capitalism as a non-owner. Use it wisely. Well, it's not D, I disagree with use it wisely. That's obviously, but it's terrible.

Fair enough. Yeah, it's C, landlords know that and they're all secretly terrified. Well done, correct. Thank you, thank you. Alright, Tom. New York might have rid itself of moving day, but we still have plenty of mass immigrations every year. What are they?

A. The time Ed Koch released everyone from the mental hospitals at once, creating New York City's homelessness problem. Oh, Jesus. B. The time Rudy Giuliani ordered the NYPD to murder a bunch of those homeless people on Christmas Jesus Christ or C Santa Con Is an abomination Worst it's so bad the worst thing that happened in New York in 2001 was Santa Con 100% 100% everyone was walking around looking at Santa Con missing September all right well I got everyone to remember Santa Con which means I win so I get

to pick next week's essayist and I'll be damned if we're letting Cecil come back to anything but work so I want an essay from him next week what good job me job, me. All right, well, for Tom, Noah, Heath, and Cecil, I'm Eli Bostinac. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then, Cecil will be an expert on something else. Dream now and then, you can listen to us wherever you get your tootles.

And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make it, well, that's what you get for changing the trying to make tootles. Stop Nocturne's Club Close happen. You don't like the Breakfast Club Close, maybe now Tootles is my thing. Heath changed the fucking Breakfast Club Close. Well, that's what you get for changing You don't like the breakfast club You can make a person- Why do you wanna help keep the show going? At patreon.com slash CitationPod- Hey, don't ask that, Tom, out loud. Or leave us a five star review everywhere you can.

And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citationpod.com. No, you move out of my way. No, you move out of my way. No, you move out of my way. Oh hey look, a rich guy who paid extra so he can move tomorrow? Is that what that is? Ah, men.

Look, that Mexican guy is going first. Oh no you don't Mexicans. Mexicans! You guys are both Mexican I thought. They're gone.