Citation Needed - Olga of Kiev

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

Olga (Old East Slavic: Вольга, romanized: Volĭga;[a] Old Norse: Helga; Lith: Alge; Christian name: Elena; c. 890–925 – 969) was a regent of Kievan Rus' for her son Sviatoslav��from 945 until 960. Following her baptism, Olga took the name Elenа (Old East Slavic: Ѡлена, romanized: Olena).[2] She is known for her subjugation of the Drevlians, a tribe that had killed her husband Igor of Kiev. Even though it was her grandson Vladimir who converted the entire nation to Christianity, because of her efforts to spread Christianity through Rus', Olga is venerated as a saint in the Eastern Orthodox Church with the epithet "Equal to the Apostles". Her feast day is 11 July. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

Like, like every frame of that movie is better than most of the other movies I've seen. Like the individual frames. Okay, so he's half man and half spider which halves. Is it a top? Bottom there. There you are. Undo it. No, absolutely not.

Absolutely not. Okay, guys, guys, guys, guys, what's up here? Thematic shenanigans, that's what's up. Oh really? What did Heath do? Yeah, okay. So you know how this week's episode is about famous vengeance seeker Olka of Kiev? Mm-hmm. Okay, well Heath told his mom about all the stuff I've written about her on our show.

Ooh, that's bad. Yeah, Heath's mom is hot. Heath's mom has group sex. I have to see her at least once a year, and now she is going to murder me. I mean, I'm sure Heath's mom understand. This is a comedy show. Oh, she understands, all right, Tom. She understands how to torture the human mind. She worked in public school for two decades.

Four, actually. Four, four decades. And she's probably like, saved up a sabbatical or two by now to do nothing but just hunt me down. No, Eli, I've met Heath's mom. She's up a sabbatical or two by now to do nothing, but just hunt me down. No, Eli, I've met Heath's mom. She's got a great sense of humor. I think you're worrying over nothing. Ah, I think you're forgetting about the fuck bot sketch.

Alright, so if you start in Northern Canada, I feel like the wilderness will slow her down. Smart. Like Frankenstein. Yeah, Tom. Like Frankenstein. Yeah, Tom. Like Frankenstein. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Heath and I'll be hosting this discussion of an extremely powerful woman from history

and I'm joined by the expert manplain panel, Tom Noah and Eli. Yeah, Haley actually told me all about this topic yesterday, so I can't wait to play this back to her. Yeah, yeah, but now to be fair, we read a single article about stuff on Wikipedia before we pretend we're experts. But by mansplain standards, that's pretty good. I just can't ask for responsible, thank you.

Good, downright factual. Yeah. All right, let's get good. I just can't ask responsable. Thank you. Good job. Don't write factual. All right, let's get right into it. Eli, what person place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event? Are we going to be talking about today? We'll be talking about Olga of Kiev. OK, who was Olga of Kiev?

She was a badass child bride, turned ruler, who enacted a revenge so bloody, Daenerys Targaryen would have called it a bit much. But she didn't stop there, she went on to unite much of what we now know as modern Russia. She turned down an Emperor's marriage proposal, and managed to secure herself a st. hood on her way out the door. We talk about a lot of idiots and robes here on Citation needed, but this week we're doing a certified legend. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Like I'm not sure uniting Russia works out for the best in the end, but it's still impressive. Yeah. Fair. Good point.

Fair. Now historians don't know the exact date of Olga's birth. Wikipedia says it could be anywhere between 890 and 925 AD because the Catholic Church made up a bunch of years. But what she definitely was, was a Viking. Specifically, among the last of the vorangians from Pleskov in modern-day Russia, because the only thing scarier than a Viking queen is one who is also somehow Russian. Okay, if she ends up being a Russian Viking drag queen,

we might start a civil war. I know, I know. You'll legal in like half the states right now. Yeah. Now either way at the age of 15, she was married to Prince Igor I of Kiev, who like all men married to awesome bad ass women, was a dumbass who regularly had to ask Anna,

which card in his wallet was the debit card because they're both blue. It's the card that says debit on it. It does say debit right at the time. It says debit on the card. Sound just like her, Tom. You shouldn't have a credit card. If you use the debit, agree.

You shouldn't have the debit card. You should get a coin purchase. Anna should just take care of all of it. Yeah, no, it should be like a handfuls of money situation. Eli just has like a wadded up thing of cash. Is this enough? Just hold it up. Here you go Eli. Here's some walking around folding money for you. You get a little bit today. Throwing out here. Everyone on this podcast has given me a third of their business. This guy's got a bunch of coins in his room shoes. Whatever he did though, he was such a dumbass that just three years into their marriage,

Igor went and got himself killed in the stupidest way possible. Oh wow, I didn't even know they had some merciful spec then. Okay, sorry, second stupidest way possible. Oh, okay. Is he Igor was the heir of the Ruric dynasty, which was in turn under the guardianship of Olga's fellow Viking, a guy named Oleg, who history refers to as Oleg the Wise.

Now, Oleg ran the show at a Kiev and most of the surrounding tribes, including one on the Eastern border called the show at a Kiev, and most of the surrounding tribes, including one on the Eastern border called the Drevliens, told the line because they knew what was good for them. They fought in his wars, and they paid him tribute, but then, when Oleg died, and Igor was suddenly in charge, they started giving a local warlord their tribute instead. Insulted, and after what was probably an embarrassing number of tries to get on his horse, Igor sent him to the Drevelian capital, Iskert to steal himself.

Exactly. To force the tribe to pay tribute to him. Now confronted by Igor's larger army, the Drevelians back down and paid up. But as Igor and his army rode home, he decided that the payment wasn't enough and returned with only a small escort seeking more tribute. Guys, I feel like they agreed to my number right away, like right down the... And then they handed us one duffle bag from that big pile of duffle bags they had.

I feel like we got fucked on that. So I feel like this started as a... Do you guys think it was the bigger army or my forceful personality type argument? No question, no question. Yeah. So according to chronicler Leo the Deacon, when Igor short up, the drevelians had had enough of his shit and decided to straight up murder him, which according to Leo, they

did by tying him to tree drunks and tearing him into. Goddamn it. The log right at Disney gets fucking mentally. Right? Exactly. Thank you, Tom. Yeah. When I read that description on Wikipedia, I was picturing something involving the ultra-hand,

but don't worry, it's actually much sillier than that. According to the Chronicle, quote, they had bent down two birch trees to the prince's feet and tied them to his legs. Then they let the tree straighten again, thus tearing the prince's body apart. She's like blood sport. Yeah, blood. Okay, see this is why Frank Dukes won the Cumete, this guy Igor just died. You gotta frame that guy.

How many guys doing the tree bending get launched accidentally into the air too? Oh, that's just like, I almost got it. I just imagine Robert Frost that they're just going like, okay, I this is not what I expected it to be. I'm sorry. I was expecting nothing. Just like there's a planting and like you have to be like, okay, everybody in 27 years, two or three executions here. So tell your kids, we have to go out and water our Igor. Right. Exactly. Now, either way, Two or three executions here, so tell your kids. We have to go out and water our Igor. And right, exactly.

Now, either way, the drivelians have no idea who they just fucked with. All they know is they just created a widow who is at most 20 years old and has a three year old son who can't take the throne yet. And will be the first woman to roll over Kiev ever. So they send 20 negotiators to the court and tell the queen that they're there to quote,

report that they had slain her husband and that Olga should come and marry their prince Mal. End quote. Well, therefore was a wildly different concept back then, wasn't it? So Olga, cool as a cucumber, responds as follows. Your proposal is pleasing to me. Indeed, my husband cannot rise again from the dead, but I desire to honor you tomorrow

in the presence of my people. Return now to your boat and remain there. I shall send for you on the morrow, and you shall say, we will not ride on horses nor go on foot. Carry us in our boat and you shall be carried in your boat and quote, okay, I feel like she's setting up a thing, right? Like that was really. Yeah, that damn near ended with now and be sure you're standing on the big red X when I get there. Yeah, yeah, you'd think, but no, the drivelians do not pick up on that. So sure enough, the next day when they wake up, there are the people of Kiev.

And they pick the negotiators up in their boat and carry them through town to the palace. However, when they reach the palace instead of, I don't know, babes and booty, like they were expecting, they find a trench, a very deep trench that Olga had spent the previous night having her people dig. And before you can say swag bag, the people of Kiev threw the negotiators and their boat into the trench and began to bury them alive. This is Kia. Yeah. I'm going to quote from Wikipedia again here just so everyone knows I'm not making this up. Quote, it is written that Olga bent down to watch them as they were buried and inquired whether they found the honor to their tastes.

Thomas, who just clearly tend to century Russian for do you like apples? Yeah. Don't answer. She has a set up thing. She set number thing. So I think we can all agree that if Olga had stopped there, she'd be pretty freaking bad ass, right? But she was just getting started. Olga immediately dispatches a messenger to the prevalence that they should send their quote, distinguished men to her in Kiev so that she might go to their prints with due honor.

And, and cellphones don't exist, so they have no idea what happened. The last guys they sent, so they happily applauded. Still though, come on. Sending, again quote, the best men who covered the land of Drevia. When the Drevian fancy pants is arrived, she told them that they must be exhausted and weary from the road she commanded her people to draw them the finest baths at the city's finest bathhouse and there they were carried on the shoulders of people like royalty. Okay, I'm sorry, but if you kill some other groups leader and then you know his wife is like oh that's so awesome you should let me thank you by mostly submerging all your wealthiest people. And your answer is, what's out of swell? Like, I blame you for their doubts more than her, at this point.

Exactly, thank you. Once they're inside the bathhouse, however, Olga, barred the doors and set the building on fire, starting at the doors and the basement, so that the drivelians inside were boiled alive. Lots of amazing puns about soup when they live at fire. For a while a lot of taunting with fun puns. Should we go up to the salad? And then like two hours of really bad puns about soup as it

looks like you're on a fake base. Booyah. Booyah basic. There you go. I'm trying to ruin the puns, but I feel like they would have gotten out of the baths. No. Sure. Yeah, they were probably, you know, saying they weren't waiting it out probably. It is an admittedly a bad ass move, but you know, now everyone else has to bathe at

the second finest bathhouse. Yeah. It's a big sacrifice. There's definitely a doodly-do there where someone just sort of swings his hand as he walks up to Olga and is like, now I mean it when I say don't take this the wrong way, but...

But... Is there a reimbursement program? I had an opportunity. She was a consummate murderer. There you go. So at this point, she's buried to people alive. She's probably a few people. You got it, you're almost there.

So Olga sends another messenger to the Travellians, this time asking them to, quote, prepare great quantities of meat in the city where you killed my husband, that I may weep over his grave and hold a funeral feast for him." Which I thought sounded weird, but apparently that was actually like kind of a custom when you married someone who killed your husband and besides the drivelians had already sent two groups of guys who were having so much fun they hadn't even come back yet so

once again, the headlines agreed. This entire tribe is fucking Elmer Fud. Like no, she's not the brightest people that she can. That worked though. I'm surprised the follow-up letter didn't just say, okay, now send me your second most distinguished man. Can they have apples in their mouths? Yeah, it's a fur of thing.

Does it matter if it's Wabbit season? We just go, right? We just go. So Olga arrives at the tomb of her late husband and she's accompanied, not by ladies and waiting, with fancy poovs, but by a small militia of Viking warriors, which the Dreadelians agreed was weird, but, you know, Viking's gonna vike, I guess.

She then proceeded to weave and hold a funeral feast just like she had promised, and then she invited the Dravilians to join her. And so the Dravilians ate and drank and drank and when they were good and drunk, all gained her men attacked. I was just like one viking with a sharpie standing amidst the chaos looking around me. I thought we were just gonna draw dicks or what? You can still do that man. I want to be clear when I say Olga and her men, I mean Olga too, right? This is something that

the Catholic Church has white Washington's her st. Hood, but even the highly sanitized primary chronicle says that she quote, went about herself, egging on her retinue to the massacre of the Dremelians and quote, and at the end of the night, 5,000 Dremelians were killed, but Olga wasn't done yet, so she went back to Kiev to get her army to finish off the survivors. I just, I love the Catholic Church reducing her doubt. Like this obvious fucking warrior, they've reduced her down with her misogyny until she's on the sideline with fucking pom-poms egging on her retinue. Fuck you.

Olga spends the next year so kicking the absolute shit out of the drevelians right? She's destroying or demanding unconditional surrender for most of their cities but she saves the city of Iskastorsten where her husband had been killed for last. At Iskastorsten she sieges and Iskastorsten is a big fucking city and she does not have the army to just come barging in the door So Olga just sits at the gates with her entire army Seizing away For a year. Okay. I like the siege because I feel like the verbal taunting game really gets amped up after a long time

You doing it your yellow No, you have time to do like running gags you have callbacks. Yeah Episodes You finally come up with a soup pun from earlier and you're like when are misskin biscuits Gravy what anyways? Anyways, the year stops. Joe, really. I'm not doing that. God damn it. Cecil's not here. I got a represent.

There you go. Yeah. Cecil actually read my essay and wrote like Q Carty standing there and burp. Sweat dripping down his beard. Anyways, the year ends and she sends the city leaders a message. And this is what it says, quote, why do you persist in holding out? All your cities have surrendered to me and submitted to tribute so that the inhabitants

now cultivate their fields and their lands and peace, but you had rather die of hunger without submitting to tribute." Again, a year, a year. If I was in charge of the city, we would have surrendered before I miss second breakfast. Exactly. Now, the Drehvlians are rightly suspicious, and they point out that she's been awful murdery so far, and they're a little worried about unconditional surrender. But Olga says, no, no, no, no, no, killing the messengers and the fancy people, and those other 5,000 people.

That was enough. She's not mad anymore and to prove it all she demands is three pigeons and three sparrows from each house in the city. I feel like she's lying. If I could save my fucking life by bringing you three pigeons and three sparrows I would die, right? I just- There's no fucking way. That's all you need. I just have to catch a sparrow.

Right. Three fucking sparrows. Kills everybody that accidentally gives her a render and inkadove. Right, right. Shucks for my birding friends. Much larger wingspan. What are you doing? This is making us look ridiculous.

So the radlions are thrilled and they make with the birds post-haste. But Olga, she tells her men to attach a tiny piece of sulfur, okay. Very long strings to the leg of each bird. And when night falls, they all set the sulfur on fire and let the birds go. And those birds fly right back to their nest inside the city. Nice. As the primary chronicle says it, quote, there was not a house that was not consumed, and it was impossible to extinguish the flames because all the houses caught fire at once. And, quote, also, anyone who managed to escape the city, Olga just killed or enslaved right away.

Did they get to pick? She did go back on her word, but in fairness, she said psych. Right. I mean, before she said. Alright, well, Olga is about to get played by Uma Thurman in a Tarantino movie about revenge and probably foot stuff. And that means it's time for some op-ropove nothing. People of this forest, why do you cover behind your walls?

Come out, sonnet, I, all grad kiev can talk peace with you. No. Come on. sonnet, I, all God Kiev can talk peace with you No, come on Why not? Because you're mad you're obviously mad. No, no, I am not mad. You're totally mad killed all those guys you're super mad I did I did But you know what I really I kind I got that out of my system, so now you know I am not mad Okay I got that out of my system. So now, you know, I am not mad. Okay. Prove it. Prove how do I prove that I am not mad? I cannot prove a negative.

If we let down gate, what you gonna do? I don't know, maybe come inside, look around a little bit, uh, window shopping, you know? Window shopping for what? Well, it's a goat... ...goth food. God food? We do have amazing goat food. That's true, no we do.

Okay, we're gonna let you in, but one last question. Da, what is it? How do you feel about your husband's mother? Great lady, really like. She's totally lying. The hoistigate! Damn it. I knew that was the trick And we're back when we left off Olga had Olga had killed, well, literally everyone, I'm pretty sure, hard to imagine there's anything that comes next, Eli.

Okay, but there is more heath because lots of people can take revenge, but it takes a master to get away with it. And Olga is an absolutely awesome ruler, right? So the first thing she does is standardize the system of tribute So a situation like her husband doesn't happen again This is at least according to Wakeipedia the first legal reform in Eastern Europe Eli did they also standardize after shaking down a city with violence don't swing by again on your way home Alone and ask for tips Literally yes, Tom, literally yes.

Okay, so she invented like taxes as a system and it was like, cool. All right, now we're peaceful. Really? Yeah, taxes, that really calm me down. I really love that. She feels super chill. But it's not just that.

She also establishes hunting grounds and boundary posts and towns and trading posts across the Empire. Now, those things obviously already existed, but they didn't exist under the protection of Queen Messywup. And once they did, they became vital centers of cultural exchange and civil order. They were so well maintained that when the primary chronicle was compiled in 1,113 AD, it mentions that her trading posts from two hundred years ago are still standing. But she had yet to face...

And Eastern Europe never had tribalism ever again. Exactly. All that didn't work. But she had yet to face her greatest challenge. The Emperor Constantine's overtures. Now to be fair, this was Constantine the seventh, the bird didn't change the whole world's religion guy had been gone for a while, but it was still the Emperor. So five years later, when I will remind you, she is at the oldest 25 years old, she goes to see Connie the eye eye. She's like, okay, I know this is a little weird since I'm coming to see you, but Can my guys carry you around on a boat for a little bit?

No fancy a bath. Yeah, so pretty much right away Sea dog is smitten right the chronicle tells us they talked for like five minutes before he was like, Hey, you're hot, you should totally rule beside me. And Olga was like, Oh, I would love to marry someone twice my age, at least a couple hundred years before regular bathing becomes a thing, but here's the thing. I'm not Christian. And the only way I can be a Christian is if you baptize me yourself, okay? That's because I admire you so much.

And he's like, I don't think she'd go right for another water-based homicide. Like her last one was water-based. I feel like I'm sick. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Yeah, why do I feel like the real hero of this story is about to reappear? Good old male overconfidence. Exactly.

So Constantine hears that and he's like, absolutely, I'll totally baptize you and they do the magic dance with the water and he's like, great, now your Christian let's get married. But Olga, see she's a step ahead of him. See in the baptismal rights of the time one of the declarations made when you're baptizing someone is something like an am paraphrasing here, I'm your spiritual father and you're my spiritual daughter. So when Constantine proposes again, here's what happened according to the Chronicle. Again, ancient document quote,

After her baptism, the Emperor summoned Olga and made known to her that he wished her to become his wife. But she replied, how can you marry me? After yourself baptizing me and calling me your daughter. For among Christians, that is unlawful, as you yourself must know." Then the emperor said, Olga, you have outwitted me. He gave her many gifts of gold, silver silks, and various fazas, and dismissed her, still calling her his daughter. End quote. And dismiss her still calling her his daughter and quote, okay, this could be a really popular version of porn. No, okay Just I'm just not there. That's fine. Well played well played. I gotta give you

Yeah, Emperor's really love getting duped they give you yeah, no exactly that's how Exactly how that works out. Are you calling the chronicler a liar? Yes, yes, I 100% am You can split me between two birch trees or whatever. You wait 30 years, man, with these trees being tall enough. But you're probably wondering yourself, Eli, how the heck did she become a saint? Well, if you ask me, Olga saw the writing on the wall, and while some would say she spent the rest of her life trying to turn her people Christian, others note that perhaps she just wanted to establish the political relationships before Christianity was powerful enough to

take what it was asking for during her rule, and it worked. Well it worked on her grandson, her son fucking hated Christianity, but her grandson was a full-fledged Christian and thus nominated her for St.hood in the Russian Orthodox Church, which was not only approved, but she was granted IS A PASTASOS. Which means equal to the apostles. Though I'm pretty sure she could kick all their asses, except maybe Peters. I think she could kick Peters their asses except maybe Peters. I think she could kick Peters ass. Definitely kick Peters ass. Stupid, stupid comedy.

And it's the down-to-tello of the Apostles, obviously. Who's the guy who cuts off the ear? That's Peter, right? Yeah, Peter's the only one who when they show up is like, let's fucking go. Peter? Okay, he's already being boiled in a pot of something by Olga. Okay, fair enough. Italian wedding. What? Okay, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence,

what would it be? Hellhath no flame like that of a Kiev James game. Oh, all right. And are you ready for the quiz? Such stupid stupid. Tom was so nice about it. I was like, why is Tom being so nice? That's uncharacteristic. I'm ready. Do it. Hit me. You are ready for the quiz. All right. I'll go first. I have never been more ready.

During the siege fire with the birds, there was another long string of taunting puns, slowly peered out obviously, which lyrics were the most fun during that time for Olga and her army. Hey, this bird is on fire. And it burned burned burned. The wing of fire. Because bird thing. See, to two everything, burn, burn, burn, which is just fun. And put that in somebody was like, the birds, it's by the birds. And they were like, oh, shoot, it's a double! What?

Or D, we didn't start the fire. That's just a great thing. Oh, fantastic. I'm gonna go with this bird is on fire. Feels like a good feminist anthem. Alicia Keys, absolutely correct. Yeah. All right, Eli Olga does sound very much like a tricky trickster,

but hey, it was all the same trick. B, I promise I won't kill you. C, actually, yes, I will. D, ha ha ha ha. D, ha ha ha ha. I, D, ha ha ha ha. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha purposely invade their country despite knowing that history is a thing. Hey, a man who pays retired hockey players to lose to him at hockey. B, a man whose authorized biography might as well be called, but I wasn't scared though. I wasn't scared though.

C, a man who convinced Steven Segal to make up a higher level of black belt to then bestow upon him. Or D, a man who I never tire of making fun of only because I'm not in his polonium range. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go with E all of the above. It is secret answer E all of the above. Well done sir. Oh, nicely done. Ela, you aced the quiz. You are the winner. Ooh, there's a first time for everything. Alright, I would like a NOAA essay next week. Perhaps something topical.

Well, when we were crying, this shit didn't even. Ha ha ha ha ha today. We'll be back next week, and Noah will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can check out Cognitive Distance, God off the movies, The Skating Atheist, The Skeptocrat, and D&D Minus. And if you'd like to join the ranks of our extremely generous patrons, who we love so very much, because of the money, that's why we love them, the money, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes, connect with the sun social media or take a look at the show notes, check out citation pod dot com.

Dear diary, day 463 of my journey, the Alaskan wilderness has hit me from heath's mom so far But who knows for how long all I have left is the communications from home to keep me sane Eli you left your location services on heath fuck Fuck okay Why would I sign my text Audio medium text. Audio-medium-bubb-fucker. Hi Eli, this is Heath here today.