Citation Needed - Penis Theft

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

Koro is a culture-bound delusional disorder in which individuals have an overpowering belief that their sex organs are retracting and will disappear, despite the lack of any true longstanding changes to the genitals.[1][2] Koro is also known as shrinking penis, and was listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Hello and welcome to Citation Need It, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts, because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Eli Bosnick, and I'll be driving stick this evening, but I'll need some other members. First up, two men who won't show me their dick, and therefore must be cops, Tom and Cecil. Okay, well, it doesn't help that you keep asking, where's the beef ahead of the question? awkward. And I don't think you know how to drive Stiff. I don't know how to drive automatic.

You don't know how to drive automatic. And also joining us tonight. All of a sudden, he's really good for something. That's the problem is that I'm not. Not a fucking chance. I just, I need to be able to switch gears. I need to feel the sweet, sweet clutch underneath me. And also joining us tonight.

Two men who last 30 minutes. 30 minutes. At 30 seconds. 30 feet. And also joining us tonight, two men who look at my open butthole every time they go on vacation. Jesus Christ. Hey, those are only vacations for you, Eli. It's true.

Are we talking about Newark? Like Newark, Newark. Sometimes is that your open mud hole? I feel like it. Patrons, before tonight's program, I was not aware that someone had stolen my penis. I thought it was just small. But thanks to you, I can fly through that. finally pay that ransom and give my lovers the full three and a half inches they deserve.

If you'd like to learn how to join the ranks of our patrons or my lovers, be sure to stick around until the end of the show. And with that, that was so real. It was from his heart. And with that out of the way. Sorry, I could keep a poker face for that one. I've heard you make that noise when you, like, open a newspaper. And fucking genocides in Rwanda.

And with that out of the way, tell us, Tom, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event will we be talking about today? Today we'll be discussing penis theft. And Noah, your parents had a really weird way to get you to eat your vegetables. You ready to walk us through your trauma? to make it especially weird when they were like carrots and cucumbers and stuff yeah

all right so tell us Noah what is penis theft I'll answer a different question thank you on the night

of June 23 a 24 year old Ecuadoran immigrant on the brink of intergenerational notoriety by the name of Lorena Bobbitt woke up

oh no look at her piece of shit abusive husband went to the kitchen, grabbed an 8-inch Gin-Soo brand kitchen knife. That's a serrated knife.

A knife made famous by infomercials in the 70s and 80s that assured you that it would cut through a tin fucking can came back to bed and deep penised her husband with it. And in an exemplary testament to the quality of Ginsu's workmanship

that their advertisers remained curiously uninterested in promoting to this day, she managed to do it without waking him up okay I like to imagine that he started to wake up a few times and Lorraine just lulled him back to sleep with like his own snoring noise

like a cartoon and you know I just kept cutting huh shoo and he's like that would work I actually like to imagine

a whole infomercial crossover thing it's like the ginsu to remove it then she pops it under a slap chop and then roast the bits on skewers in a set it and forget it. Ronco rotissory revenge scenario. Jesus Christ. Cleans up with a sham wow.

Has this ever happened to you? There's got to be a better way. So penis in a hand, she runs out of the house, gets in the car, and takes the dick for a spin. She reported later that she actually had a lot of trouble driving because she, she had to do everything one-handed. Yeah, and it was a dick shift, so it's hard to get it. But I would have taken the balls, too, if it was me. I'm just saying, she just, interesting.

Good to know. Just the dick. But after a few minutes to drive it around, that's weird. Yeah, I'm with you. Right? Yeah, get the whole package. What are you doing? It feels like a half-man.

But so, so, and if she'd had the dick and balls, she could have just, like, thrown it over her wrist or whatever and use both hands. Yeah, it would be so much easier. Yeah. So, what? She could spin him around in her palm like those, uh, you know, relaxation. Yeah, right. Yeah.

It's just more interesting for all the reasons. So, so now after a few minutes of driving around wondering where one goes with a disembodied cock, she elects to toss it out of the window into a nearby field. And then a few minutes later, she finds a pay phone, calls 911, tells the operator what she did and where they could find the deck. Okay. This is, this is a real, I don't know if it's fun. It's a real fact.

The cops found it. and they put it inside a big bite hot dog box from 7-Eleven. That's really what happened with ice. That seems like a compliment. And again, I'm imagining like a 7-Eleven parking lot just full of severed dicks. You have to sort Cinderella style through like a glass slipper situation, trying to figure out which one is the right fit. Well, here it is.

It was on the roller the whole time. Exactly. So, yeah, so meanwhile, her husband, John Wayne Bobbitt, wakes up without his dick and notices immediate. Bragging. Right? So in later interviews, he said he tried to remain calm, and you got to imagine that was really fucking hard to do. But he did what he could to stop the bleeding. He called a friend, had a very wind-spilled conversation about how he needed a ride to the hospital right to fuck now.

Like your friend should be an ambulance in this scenario. really yeah but what way of the he does manage to get to the emergency room where he's reunited with his penis through a nine hour surgery him and the penis arrive in separate ambulances at the same time

like a rom-com they just pulled up they bump heads penis has an armful of papers that flies end of the movies chasing his penis through the airport

let's go of Lorena's hand and she just she just nods because she understands She's a good guy. So, okay, so Lorraine was arrested, and when asked about the attack, she initially said, and I am quoting here, quote, he always have orgasm, and he doesn't wait for me ever to have orgasm. He's selfish, end quote.

Okay, boys, the majority of our audience need you to say that's no reason to cut off someone's dick right now. Our listeners have never needed us more, okay? Look, I know that isn't the real reason. and his Johnson was severed, but this is a good moment to remind listeners that a lot of the Manosphere guys don't even believe in the female orgasm. So there's hope.

I guess I'm saying there's hope. You know, right? Right. Now, yeah, to be clear, there's a lot more to her motivation than just him being a four-thrust kind of guy. In the subsequent trial, it comes out that he's an abusive piece of shit and both his lawyers and hers admit

as much. She said that he raped her, psychologically tortured her, forced her to have an abortion, and did all kinds of other penis removal-worthy shit. And while it's true that he was later acquitted of marital assault, that's undercut by the fact that, A, it was really hard to convict a man of marital rape in the 90s. And B, he would go on to be arrested and occasionally convicted of abusing wives and girlfriends for kind of the rest of his piece of shit life.

I feel like if you marry or date the such a piece of shit, someone lopped off his cock guy, you can't be super surprised when he's not Mr. Wright. You know? Yeah, it's still debatable if he's better or worse than half of what's currently on offer at Tinder, though. Well, that's the thing, right? Yeah. Somebody cut off this dick pick. It's only half a pick.

He is half of what's on offer. As clear as it is in retrospect that John was the bad guy in all of this, it didn't seem all that clear to the popular culture of the day. And the dude got a ton of sympathy. When his medical and legal bills started to mount, he at first tried to start a band called The Severed Pound. parts. Okay. Yeah. But the music wasn't good enough for... It's such a lazy pun. Fuck that. My penis get cut off. The music wasn't quite good enough for I once was three miles away from my dick to carry it through, right? So then he started a porn called John Wayne Bobbitt uncut, which was at least successful

enough to merit a follow-up Franken penis, which, to be clear, is not a direct. sequel. It completely ignores the lore that the first wouldn't set up. Oh, okay. Good to know. It's disappointing. I did think the addition of the bolts and the shaft just under the head was a nice nod to the source of tears. And the perforation

for a tear away. That's touched by a surgeon. I thought, that's nice. You have to do it. But apparently, the porn money still wasn't enough to keep John in the black. So Howard Stern also hosted a New Year's Eve fundraiser for him. that raised a quarter of a million dollars.

The incident also introduced the term Bobatized into the lexicon. And it forced the telecommunications company MCI to pull a completely unrelated commercial that featured a testimonial from a couple names Bobbitt because the, I don't want MCI to cut off my service jokes were too damn easy at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Amazing that they happened to use the name Bobbitt. And they were like, are you fucking? Yeah. Unfortunately, the entire comedy, profession didn't have the same comedy standards as MCI and Bobbitt jokes were the next like five years of everything pretty much. There was even a reference in a song by Eminem to Lorena Bobbitt and a Philip Rawha.

It's a reference as well. I miss it. John Bobbitt jokes. Yeah. Yeah. Simpler times. So for her part, Lorena was also acquitted of any wrongdoing. She was found not guilty by reason of insanity from a jury that basically said,

who wouldn't have eventually cut that man's dick off? She went on to be something of a symbol of hear me war, feminism. And when she went home to Ecuador in 1996, the Ecuadorian president invited her to an official dinner. And as much shit as he took for that at the time, the two of them would later baptize a kid together as godfather and godmother. She was the moiled too.

Oh, God. All right. In 1995, the Bobbitt's divorced, and the only surprise there is that it came two years after the dick chopping. They still tried to make it work after that. Now, Lorena goes on to start a charity that helps prevent spousal abuse. John went on to get arrested for, like, a bunch more times for shit like hitting exotic dancers.

And because it's produced by a soulless ghoul, the next time they see each other after the divorce is on an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show in 2009. Okay, fine. But how do you not make that a dildo giveaway episode? You know, like, look under your seat. Can you get a dick? Can you get a dick? Oh, you want to me to put it under the seat?

Fuck, oh. Half the audience gets dicks, half of them get ginsuice. Yeah. Just split it up. Now, two years, they must have gone to couples counseling, right? You would think. that must have been a fun couples counseling. Or triple scouts.

It's like, yeah, doesn't validate my feelings. Oh, yeah. Also, cut my penis off. Right. There's that. I feel very emasculated. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, Noah, that doesn't really count as penis theft.

After all, she gave it right back. If anything, she borrowed his penis. And it's true that she wasn't convicted of assault and wasn't even charged with theft. But it turns out. that hacking dicks off with a ginsu knife wasn't actually the subject of my essay. Because there's one kind of person who actually steals penises

and does so quite prolifically, and that kind of person, of course, is a witch. Because despite what this prolonged intro might have led you to believe, this isn't an episode about physical penis theft. It's about spiritual penis theft. Damn it, guys,

we should have known it when he got right to the point. So for this bit, we'll have to rewind all the way back to the 1480s in what's now France, but was then part of the Holy Roman Empire. Now, at this point, we're at the end of what we used to call the medieval period, and it got that name in part because of the dangerous superstitions that dominated the culture of Europe at the time. This included a ubiquitous belief in and fear of witches. Basically, anytime bad shit happened, somebody was going to blame witches.

Bad harvest, witches, bad weather, witches, rampant disease, witches. or Jews. Yeah. Now it's DEI. Yep. Got witches, got Jews, blamed DEI. And I think I speak for all Jews when I say at least people stop blaming witches.

How do we get in? Well, yeah, but so unlike Jews, witches didn't exist. So when it came time to scapegoat them, you had to kind of make them up. And few people were better at that than a priest named Heinrich Kramer. In fact, he was so monomaniacal about the trial of one accused witch that he was formerly expelled from his order and defrocked. Okay, so, like, he was too fearful and superstitious for the Catholic Church of the 1400s. All right, so, but damn it if he was going to let a little ostracization keep him from battling

against those fornicators with the devil. So he wrote himself a book called Malius Malifacarum, or Hammer of the Witches, in which he laid out the European Witch Problem along with his preferred solutions, most of which included setting people on fire. Well, I mean, that's Blacksmith 101. You can't shape a witch with your hammer if she's cold. That's ridiculous. So, fun fact, the world's first magic book was written as a direct response to the malice malefactrum.

Because some of the signs of witches listed in the book were like common magic tricks at the time. So Reginald Scott wrote a book of how all those tricks are done so people would stop burning the fucking birthday clowns. Now, the witch hunts are way too fucked up to do an episode about, and given what we've done so far on the show, that should tell you a lot. But I bring it up because at one point in the book, while Kramer is trying to justify the claim that witches did in fact exist, he asks his reader, if there aren't any witches, who's making all the penis nests? Okay, that is a great question. And let him cook the phrase was born. I want to know where he's going with this. So, yeah, so he cites the fact that many people have reported finding nests in the forest made entirely of dismembered members and even shares one such tale.

Quote, a certain man reported when he had lost his member and gone to a certain sorceress to regain his well-being, she told the sick man that he should climb a certain tree and granted that he could take whichever one he wanted from the nest in which there were very many of. members. It's like a have a penny, leave a penny full of dicks? Yes. Yeah. So have a peony. Yeah. So, so when he tried to, sorry, continue with the quote, when he tried to take a particularly large one, the sorcerer said, you shouldn't take that one, adding that it belonged to one of the parish priests, end quote. Look, lady, I need aid for my wife is octopussy, okay? All right, I'm taking this. No, no, that one, it's low.

The nest for the nest. It's great. Another thing I'm getting picked last that. Awesome. Now, you might think because of the lack of modern accounts of penis nests that witches have since mended their ways or at least chosen a different line of attack. But as we're about to see, they've continued swiping dicks this whole time. All right. Well, I am convinced and ready to torture a schizophrenic child to death for shrew.

Sure. Well, I like the pie. We'll take a quick break for some apropos of nothing. Hello, can I help you? Hi, Mrs. Withers. Yes, that's me. Hi, yeah, I'm Jacob from down the road. Oh, of course. Hi, Jacob. How can I help you? Well, I seem to have, I've had a little accident last night, and I was told you might be able to help. Oh, you want to purchase one of my healing salves?

Uh, maybe. So, you know how it was hot? last night? Oh my gosh, so hot, yes. Right, right. So I slept with the window open. I'm going to get a little breeze going and it seems that someone came in and stole my penis. That is terrible, terrible. Yeah, yeah, it's terrible. So Tichiba mentioned that you might be, uh, that you could help with that. Well, I didn't steal your penis. Well, of course, of course you didn't. Of course not. No, um, if you You didn't, then you didn't. But you have a nest of dicks. Well, I mean, there is a nest of dicks in my barn, but I wouldn't say I have them.

I mean... No, no, of course, of course. But it's there. So I was just thinking I could take a gander at your dick nest. No, of course. You never know. I mean, your dick might be in there. Sometimes I check and there's just a dick in there I didn't steal.

Not that I steal dicks. Of course you don't steal dick. You already said that. Okay, right this way. So you're a Miller, right? Yeah, Miller. It helps that everyone's job is in their name. Sure, yeah.

Okay, here we go. Do you see yours in there anywhere? Not really. Oh, oh, there it is. Yeah, there it is. That one? Yep, yep. Here's my dick.

Found it. So I just like put it on with... You sure that? What's your dicker? It's a little darker in complexion. Oh, my grandmother is half Italian. Oh, yeah? Please just let me take this one.

50 bucks. Yeah, deal. Okay, what about a watch? Nah, I start going backwards and explode. Why? I mean, if I knew I would tell you. Hey, guys, what's the matter? Hey, Noah, we're trying to figure out what to get Tom for Christmas,

but his terrible, terrible curse makes him impossible to shop for. I'm not impossible to shop for. Fruit rots when you touch it, man. Guys, guys, if you want a gift that someone will actually use this holiday season, you should try Mint Mobile. What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile is offering unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. That's their best deal of the year, aka the only holiday gift you'll actually use every single day. I use my phone every day.

That's how I get all the bad news. Exactly. All Mint Mobile plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talking text on the nation's largest 5G network. plus you can bring your current phone and number over to Mint Mobile with no contracts and no nonsense. What have you actually tried it? I sure have. I switched to Mint Mobile when they became a sponsor. Now I get the same great service for a fraction of the price.

That's why I know illusions personally endorse MintMobile. All right. No, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Don't get them socks. Get them premium wireless for $15 a month. Shop Mint Unlimited plans at mintmobile.com slash citation. That's mintmobile.com slash citation.

Limited time offer, upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12-month plan required, $15 month equivalent. Taxes and fees extras, initial plan terms only over 35 gigabytes may slow when the network is busy, capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage, various. Cementmobile.com. All right, Noah, thanks. Okay, for the record, all fruit is technically rotting when you hold it. Yeah, but not like visibly.

That is true. And we're back. When we left off, we heard about the only bad. thing that hadn't happened to Tom yet that we know of yeah right okay so for the rest of the podcast we have to deal with a bit of a challenge because

from this point on it's just going to be a bunch of white guys talking about a phenomenon that's primarily confined to Africa and Asia and I don't want to be insensitive about that I want these guys to so that I can stay above the fray right and be very sophisticated

and woke in my essay about disappearing dongs. If we're talking about penises, my people are the oppressed minority. Everything is punching up. I'm just like the fuck I want. Because he's tall. Nope.

So the phenomenon we're going to be talking about here is called Koro or Kuru. And in the words of Wikipedia, it's quote, a culture-bound delusional disorder in which individuals have an overwhelming belief that their sex organs are retracting and will disappear,

despite the lack of any true long-standing change to their genitals, end quote. And this shrinking penis syndrome is so common that it's listed in the fucking DSM. In the U.S., the condition is known as genital retraction syndrome, which is probably for the best since the term Koro is apparently a Malay word for head of a tortoise. Yeah, I mean, look, some people get a Turkish hair transplant. Some guys say a witch stole their dick. Anything but admitting you're aging.

Am I right, everybody? Yeah, exactly, yeah. I mean, I had a whole swimming pool installed at the house, so I'd have an excuse at the Reddies. So I guess. Now, to be clear, there are some medical conditions that will cause a penis to retract or get smaller. So part of diagnosing this disorder.

Right. Yeah, exactly. But like, so part of diagnosing this disorder is checking the dick in question. I would imagine multiple times, right, to get a size compares unless we fall prey to trusting guys who are telling us that it's usually much bigger than this. And if you think you can escape the danger by not having a penis, I'm sorry to inform you that there is a non-penous version of Koro that usually manifests as a fear that the nipples are retracting into the boobs or that the boobs are retracting into the chest. The true causes of this are varied and heavily influenced by cultural expectations, education, and sexual repression.

The syndrome is far more common among people who feel guilty about promiscuity or masturbation, for example. But as to the perceived cause, well, that's usually still witches. The common form of this delusion Isn't just that the penis is disappearing But that it in fact has been cursed Or in the most extreme circumstances Stolen Stolen

Okay I feel like my first instinct Would be lost Like stolen feels arrogant Straight to stolen Okay but the I broke into Heath's bedroom And all I got was this lousy penis merch It still sells surprisingly well Yeah I don't know

Why you were surprised Thank you I'm going with thank you. The obvious question here is how the fucking a person with a perfectly extant penis think that it's missing, right? But if you think about the forms of body dysmorphia that you're more familiar with, it makes sense, right? Like think about all the dangerously skeletal anorexics that you've seen that somehow still perceive themselves as being too fat, right? It's like, it's remarkably easy to look at yourself and see something completely different than what everybody else sees. Wow.

I bet my cock is huge in real life, huh? Who's going to tell him? It's really small, Eli. That's actually very small. Noah will. I'll do it. And if you wonder how committed these folks are to the pit, I should point out that in an extreme circumstances, they take their digs continued protrusion into their own hands. Here's a downright terrifying quote from Wikipedia, quote,

a man may perform manual or mechanical penile traction or anchoring by a loop of string to some clapping device. These forceful attempts often lead to injuries sometimes death, end quote. Wow, that's why those lift-kitted trucks have that winch in front. Staying erect to battle a penis curse by a witch is an amazing game show. that they need to have some way. But may I say something brave? I think if you rip your dick off and die in an imagined tug of war

with a witch, you probably weren't going to do other stuff that was awesome, right? I don't think this is a huge problem among brain surgeons or tuberculosis researchers. Important artists. Yes. Yeah, right.

So as the 15th century references before the break of test, stories of stolen penises go way back, The multiple chapters about the phenomenon and the Malleus Melficcarum were based on centuries old folk traditions after all. But the earliest records I can find of it showing up in the medical literature, as though I looked through the medical literature. The earliest one that I can find that's in medical literature that was on the Wikipedia article was from China, where there were outbreaks of penis perloining panics in 1948, 1955, 1965, 1966, and 1974. and the most recent nationwide epidemic in China came in 1987. But after that, they fixed it slash stopped admitting to it.

Okay, just a thought. But if social contagion is strong enough that five nationwide epidemics of dudes in the 20th century all thought their dicks were magiced away by witches, I guess maybe just hear me out when I mentioned that Twitter wasn't the smartest idea we've collectively had. Yeah, fair. Fair. Now, there was also a noteworthy outbreak in Singapore in 1967. In October of that year, young men started flooding into Singapore in hospitals complaining about shrinking or absent penises. Apparently that panic was set off by rumors that a vaccinated pig had died from a retracted penis, fearing that they too would die if their dicks sucked all the way in. Many of those patients had attached clamps or other devices to their junk to pull it back from the event horizon. By the end of the epidemic, more than 450 cases had been reported, and there was a noticeable drop in local sales of pork. Okay, if I really thought that was happening, I think I might just let it happen. You know, like, like watching a sunset.

And it's just like, peaceful. Man, you really are married, aren't you? Yeah. So another fallas-filching furor struck Thailand in 1976, thank you, where about 350 patients showed up at local hospitals complaining of terminal shrinkage. This one was blamed not on pigs, but on a combination of poisoned tobacco and Vietnamese food, which was apparently emasculating the population ahead of a perceived invasion plan. They had another note or the epidemic in 1982.

If you eat this bon me, your dick will dis it. And you ate it anyway. You ate them. It's already gone. Okay. Have you guys tried staying hard while you're eating fuh? It's fucking impossible, right? Well, there you go.

Strong disagree. Off your face. Nice. So the Indian subcontinent might have been a little later to the game, but we've got reports of at least one Koro epidemic in 1982 in northern India, although that might also just because it's fucking cold there. There was also a reported panic as late as 2010 in West Bengal that affected both India and Bangladesh.

Apparently the folk remedy for that was partially submerging people and yanking on their dicks. What? So, like, I can see why, like, that would have been a popular ability to at least complain of for a little while there. Wow. If you're going to pull started, you can't flood it, guys. Come on. Okay. Ignor Cecil, if you're going to pull started, a little moisture, never hurt that situation.

Well, that's true. No, that's fair. And you got a choke. It's a two-stroke. But what it comes? comes to penis theft, the world leader is Nigeria, where accusations of penis theft continue to be a problem to this day. In fact, people still regularly get arrested for stealing penises. More often, though, the people who accuse others of penis theft, people who, like,

quick reminder, are suffering from a well-known psychological condition that's in the DS fucking M are punished for inciting a panic. Everybody has fallen for the thumb between the fingers thing. Got your pee-pee! I got it right here! I got it! How can you hear your penis is gone with such dirty ears. You just pulling it out like a hakey. You just got like one hand on their head and just keep going. Dick on the end of it. Yeah, right.

Amazing. But now, apparently, it's not all that uncommon in certain parts of Nigeria to be standing in a crowd and somebody suddenly goes, well, that motherfucker stole my dick. And in those cases, you better hope they're not pointing at you. Right? because so folks occasionally get beaten to death because of these accusations. Apparently, the superstition is that sorcerers have to touch you to steal your dick. So when people are seized by this delusion, they'll look around for like who is most likely to have just jostled them and throw the blame their way.

Okay. I feel like sometimes people just want to kill someone and dick stealing is like the least snopesable excuse. No, that's probably happening to. You're not going to argue with the guy who accuses you of dick stealing. No, that's fair. Now, there are a lot of different reasons why thinking your dick is missing might stress a person out. And those reasons vary a lot by culture. Like in China, it's generally believed that penis retraction is a sign of impending death. Yeah. Okay. I mean, also Michigan. Yeah. But like in Nigeria, it's generally believed to be part of them, like the result of

malicious magic. So you can imagine how like that causes different types of anxiety. For its part, the wiki does try to put together an exhaustive list. After talking about the specific fear of death that's unique to China, it adds, quote, intra-abdominal organ shrinkage, sex change to female or eunuch, non-specific physical danger, urinary obstruction, sterility, impending madness, spirit possession, and feeling of being bewitched, end quote. A list remarkable for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is how far down urination was, right?

Like, the list wasn't fucking alphabetical. Also, I would have guessed specific physical danger was in there too. Only non-specific physical danger,

though. Right, right. Okay. Of course, there are a lot of things about the subject that are a total fucking bummer. So I've mostly left him out of the narrative

because we're a comedy show. Because like, you know, look, the thought of a dude standing there with his dick in his hand insisting that he doesn't have a dick and that he won't until he convinces a witch

to give it back. That's just fucking funny. But the various outbreaks of this phenomenon in Nigeria and other African nations generally coincide with economic downturns and everywhere it happens, it's heavily associated with being part of a societal underclass or being destitute. It's also like I said earlier, it's heavily associated with sexual guilt and unrealistic body expectations. So it's like an amalgamation of a bunch of the shit that's wrong with society. But on the other hand, it lends itself to no end of

improvised dick puns. So it probably balances out is what I'm thinking. All right. And if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be? Gintu wasn't kidding. I honestly didn't think they could cut a fucking tin cannon half, but now I think... And are you ready for the quiz? Oh yeah.

Those vector scissors can really make a penny into a corkscrew, too. That's like a real thing. I was like the best salesman in my region at one point. It's not a big deal. Anyway, here's a question. It really is it. So Camp Lejean,

June is a Marine Corps base that had a toxic water supply for decades. Atlanta Cook. It led to some terrible sickness for Marines and their families. But it wasn't all bad. What's the fun part of that story? A, John Wayne Bobbitt got poisoned. He got a condition called toxic peripheral polyneuropathy or toxic peepy. Shut the fuck up.

See, as a thematic result, all his toes got. amputated. Or D. All of the above. All of the above, if you can believe that shit. Yes, that is correct. All right, Noah. What is the best real song about this phenomenon? A, detachable penis by King Missal.

B, that is a real song with lyrics such as, quote, I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. C. But like a detachable penis. would be sort of awesome, actually. D, it's not like it's all that helpful in most situations.

Fair. It's true. It's true. Fair. I guess it's a secret answer, E, all of the above. It's all of the above. You got it. That would be awesome if you could just be like and it's like, ready. And then when you get rid of it. You were picturing a transformer situation. I was.

I was. Interesting. Yes, I was. I said to touchable. To be a truck with a detachment. All right, Noah. Which famous magician does the best version of the disappearing dick? A. David Cognophyll. B, David, I can explain or C. Harry Scroodini.

Well, so the fact that you went Scroodini instead of Huini is just baffling to me. I was sure that's where we were going this whole time. Pini or something, but I guess it's C. Harry Scroodini. There you go. Okay, Noah. What's the best penis heist movie? A, pubic enemies. B. Cock, jock, and two smoking barrels. C, the yank job. D. Hog Day afternoon or E. The Friends of Eddie Moyle.

All right. Well, it can't be B because it was just one smoking barrel in that one. That's true. I think it's E friends of Eddie Moyle. Correct. No, you're wrong. It's Hog Day afternoon. That was pretty good too. That was pretty fucking good.

All right. Well, Cecil, that means you are this week's winner. All right. Well, I don't know why I would say this, but it says here I say, Eli's the next person. Oh, that was your idea then. All right. Well, for Cecil, Tom, Noah and Heath.

I'm Eli Bosn. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week. And by then, I will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, Cecil can surprise you with Joe Rogan over on the No Rogan experience. Tom and I can surprise you with our hot takes on dear old dads, and Noah and Heath can surprise you with their sheer ability to watch a volume of Christian movies over on Godawful movies. And if you'd like to help keep the show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or leave us a five-star review everywhere you can.

And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citation pod. dot com hello hi yeah i was wondering if you do refunds it's a show or not a grower huh it was warm in the barn