Citation Needed - Presidents' Day Special

Episode Date: February 17, 2021

Washington's Birthday is a federal holiday in the United States celebrated on the third Monday of February in honor of George Washington, the first president of the United States, who was born on February 22, 1732. The Uniform Monday Holiday Act of 1971 moved this holiday to the third Monday, which can fall from February 15 to 21, inclusive.[1] Colloquially, the day is also now widely known as Presidents' Day (though the placement of the apostrophe, if any, varies) and is often an occasion to remember all the presidents.[2]   Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

But the NES got around the problem with the NES 10 lockout chip. Okay. And the NES was the... Is the... I used a off-white one. I feel like a lot of them were off-white. I don't know if that's home. Yeah, right. No, so it had gray and black on it.

Yeah, still no. Oh my God, it's an engine. Where's my rifle at? Andrew. Andrew, for the last time we have no rifles. Yeah, I said like a Jew. Damn, Andrew, what did I say about that? Said like a Jew-ish. You know what, never mind.

Hi, Tom, hi, Noah. Hey, you like? Who's that? Who the hell is that? Right, so you know how this week's episode is our president's day special? Yeah. So, I call my clone guy and I figure, hey, why don't I do something special?

Excuse me, Jew person, hi Howard and it's Eli. Hello. I told you like three times. Do you have any more of those divine exotic truffles? Called Gushers Howard and they're in the pantry. I'm afraid I've already eaten those in the pantry. They know Howard, we do not have any more if you've eaten the ones in the pantry. Tragedy.

Okay, so anyways, I start bringing presidents back, right? And wouldn't you know it? They're all a bunch of racists. Yeah, like all of them. Yeah, man. Yeah. No, like even the pretty recent ones were all racists. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But hey, no, I but like even the pretty recent ones were all racist. Oh, yeah But hey, oh no this guy you got to meet this guy you got to meet hey Calvin

Calvin Calvin come over here. Um, he like Calvin Coolidge. No, no, no trust me. You're gonna love this dude This dude is awesome Calvin Calvin. This is Noah and Tom. What up? There it is yep, that's a lot not you two Calvin not you two What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? What up? Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject read an article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I have no illusions and I'm going to be presiding over this week's episode but to do it right I'm going to need to assemble my cabinet. First up the guy who wanted to be Secretary of the Interior

because the outside house bugs in it, and the guy who wanted to be the Secretary of the exterior because the inside house Eli in it. Eli and Cecil. Yeah, they stopped describing you as an inside kid when you hit 30, it's a bummer. Oh, I wanna transfer and take care of former president's dogs. Secretary of the exterior, I think that secretary the exterior. I think that's

Early early I'm also joining us tonight two guys who fought over getting to be secretary of health and human Services until I told them that didn't mean they get serviced Tom and Heath okay Well, it doesn't not mean that if you tip well enough Trash Trish. My title in college was Secretary of Human Self Services, so. It's pretty close. It fits.

Alright, and so before we get the show underway, I wanted to remind everybody listening that if it hadn't been for the fundraising efforts of the people on this podcast, the Republicans would have won the Georgia Senate runoff and Mitch McConnell would still be the majority leader if it wasn't for us. And if you'd like to thank us for saving America, stick around. And with that out of the way, tell us Tom, what person plays thing concept phenomenon or event? We'll be talking about today. Today, we will be telling stories about US presidents.

Mostly some really fucked up stories about US presidents. That's our favorite kindness story. So, Tom Tom you're not bound by things like the format of the show So my normal question about reading an article on Wikipedia doesn't make sense So are you are you ready to do the thing that you're about to do? Well in honor of presidents, they know of these are the stories. I think we have to tell it all right So who what when where or why was in honor of presidents, they know of these are the stories I think we have to tell it. All right. So, uh, who, what, when, where, or why was, um, I'd say, the US presidency is an honored position.

Obviously it's when we take seriously, and I would never mock this venerable institution. But here we are just a month after US democracy survived its flirtation with fascism by the skin of its fucking teeth And this show is releasing just a couple of days after of all ironic things Presidents day So if you're like me you might want to take this opportunity as a reminder that no matter how much power any of these men have been granted Each and every one of them is just another fallible fault-filled human like the rest of us and like all of us They are each of them temporary in every sense of the word.

Oh, really every sense of the word, because according to definition one D of the OED, temporary can mean designating one who is commissioned for the duration of a war, and not all presidents are that Tom. Okay, do you actually disagree with Tom's definition of temporary? Or is it that you're mad

because he wouldn't read your Roblox fan fiction artists are supposed to support each other. It was 200 pages. Someone's reading it. My heart is in those pages. So our first story is appropriately about our first president, George Washington, or this will be more appropriately about George Washington's death. Washington or this will be more appropriately about George Washington's death. On December the 12, 1799, Washington was on his farm doing post-presidential super visory farm stuff and when he came back inside, yeah, it's not real clear what he was doing out there. He didn't follow his mom's advice and went straight to dinner without changing out of

his wet clothes. At least that's how one article phrased it. A much better article notes that the day that Washington was out was cold and windy and it alternated between rain and snow and his farm chores took longer than he anticipated as a result. Because he was late, Washington's dinner gas were waiting, so rather than change out of his soaking wet freezing cold clothes, George just sat down and tucked into dinner. He was almost certainly at this point, the richest man in America,

how the fuck did he have wet, sure? He's like, I'm so cool. I'm so cool. And a guy, before we, I know that being cold doesn't cause a cold, but it can impact your immune system making you more susceptible to illness.

And sitting in your work clothes at dinner, just soaking wet, that's super weird. And it also turned out to be a very bad decision. The next morning, he woke up with a sore throat. No big deal, unless it happens to be 1799, in which case, everything was a big deal. Wow, dinner's really amazing, George, and the aromas were really complemented

by that cow shit smell you brought in from the fence. Really great. Undeterred Washington headed out the next day for his chores around the property. Shame I guess he didn't have any helpers around the place. This episode brought to you by the 1776 committee. Anyway, the sore throat proceeded on to chest congestion. And the next morning he was having some trouble breathing. It was at this point that Washington made his second big mistake. He called for Dr. James Clark, Washington's personal physician for the last 40 years.

Now, remember that in 1799, the great medical minds of the age were of the learned opinion that people became ill because their blood had the wrong magic inside of it. So pretty much no matter how sick Washington might have been, calling the doctor was not going to help. And it didn't. While Washington waited for his personal physician to arrive, other local physicians attended to him. And by attending to him, what I mean is that they bled him.

A lot. I actually tried to find some information about how much blood was removed when doctors engaged in bloodletting, but unsurprisingly, there doesn't seem to be any real consistency. Well, the consistency changes as it clots. Oh, wow.

Oh. But I guess on my part, I kind of always assumed that bloodletting wasn't really like a volume problem, but it was very much wrong because some of the articles I looked at said that it was not unusual for patients to lose as much as 20 ounces of blood in a single sitting. As much, they're just like, I don't know, some were taking into blood.

So this was not like a symbolic gesture, right? Washington was blood several times and by several doctors. It was pretty much the first thing each of them tried as soon as they walked in the room. He's squinting and he's looking at the back of his prescription rage there. Did I bleed myself at 11 or was it one?

I can't believe her. I can't believe her. Did I eat any wet food with it? I forget. So the doctors had tried removing his blood to no avail. So, naturally, they needed to move on to his ass and they gave him an edema. Nice. Feels like that was definitely his idea. He's like, all right, Leach's didn't work. It's

got him you have a butthole, right? It's got to be a butthole. End of a time. And despite the enema, George Washington still had that severe sore throat. Yeah, I mean, how deep was that enema? Right? So the doctors that forced him to drink a potion that they made of molasses, vinegar, and butter, which nearly choked Washington to death. Moving on now to the outside of his throat, they next applied a blistering poultice to him,

causing sores and swelling and terrible pain. Washington, now low on blood, dehydrated from his medically induced diarrhea and covered in painful blisters did not improve. And in effort to avoid further medical treatment, he died from the administration of his doctors who it must be noted did not cure his sore throat on December 14, 1799. Okay, but the doctors learned a valuable lesson. You never go ask to mouth.

And we've known ever since. And as bad as the death of Washington was, it was swift and merciful compared to the fate of President James Garfield. The story is so terrible. On July the 2nd 1881, James Garfield started off having a great day. He had a fine breakfast at home singing popular songs the day with the sons before heading off to the train station. Here are the races we don't trust. Here are the races we don't trust. Everybody! Was that nice? Mercy? Right, nice, nice.

I wrote a whole song a bit the- I thought you only got to hear the first line. What did they think about Irish people? Do you have a verse for that? I yoy- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- T- We got it's got to hear the first line. What do they think about Irish people do you have a verse for that? I Lies dancing with his arms straight down to the ground Bottle dance he this is snatching at the bottle the whole time So it was at this point that his day took a turn for the worse. At the train

platform, he was shot twice by Charles Gato, a mentally deranged lawyer, a phrase I copied directly just to note its obvious redundancy. The first bullet just grazed Garfield's arm, but the second bullet struck his lumbar spine before ending its flight in Garfield's abdomen. The story is way more fucked up if you think about it as the lasagna cat instead of the little one. Now obviously getting shot must be very terrible, but getting shot in such a way that your spine is damaged while also getting gut shot must be even more horrible, and Garfield was by all accounts,

in terrible pain, but he was also just as clearly surprised, crying out, and I kind of love this. Like God, what is this? As he later helped us just shocked by the whole thing. I mean, it's a gun. You don't know. Shot, man.

Weird question, you're stupid. So things at this point were bad indeed, but once they summed the doctors, as you might imagine, things did not improve. The first guy was a doctor named, and I'm not making this up, Dr. Dr. Bliss. I didn't make a mistake. This guy's first name. His first name was Dr. so major, major, major, major. His walking around name was doctor bliss then by occupation he became a doctor so that he was now called

Doctor doctor So if this does not seem like an omen of good things to come you would be right For symmetry his middle name was bliss would be right. A personetry his middle name was bliss. So you got to talk to bliss bliss. Really. Okay, you guys laughed, but with a name like that, he couldn't have exactly pursued his passion for dance. Could he? Right? Yeah.

In the 1800s, when people were shot, the highest priority of the medical professionals was to remove the bullet. Now, I'm not suggesting we should just leave bullets and people, oh, Willie Nilly, but, I mean, once the bullet's done moving, it's just an inner hunk of metal. Doctors in 1800s, however, thought that the bullet, if left in the body, would cause, quote, morbid poisoning. And so they endeavored tirelessly to remove the offending bullet from their beloved president,

Leslie succumbed to this terrible melody. Of course, their method for finding and removing bullets left rather something to be desired, because it was at this point that a battery of doctors all began sticking their dirty, unwashed fingers in the Garfield, clumsily finger banging his wound like in-app teenagers, unable to find the magic bullet. And they also did not use ether,

even though it was available and didn't use at the time because they were in such a rush to try to find and remove the bullet. Guys, guys, you gotta just cut it out. I'm pretty sure you shot me in the butthole too. You know, I'm so much. I guess you gotta do the enema, right? Yeah.

So it's an aside, the same principle of find the bullet and the damage it did will maybe magically disappear. That was also applied when Lincoln was shot. The first medical administration to Lincoln involved running up to him and in the spirit of assistance, sticking their dirty fingers into basically the open brain of the president and then rooting around to see if they can pull out the bullet. The case of Lincoln, I'm not suggesting that it necessarily did much harm at this point.

But I can definitely say that it could not have done much good either. I already got my finger in this part of his head. You stick yours and that bit over there. I didn't find the bullet, but I did find this first draft of the emancipation properly. So in the case of Garfield, no matter how many different crusty fingernail doctors swung by a poke and prod in the wound of the commander in chief, the bullet remained elusive. Though if I'm being honest, I kind of hope one guy found it right away and kept it for his souvenir and just got like to embarrass to admit when he saw how excited everyone else was.

Like, he wants to ruin the part. Like I just think I would have been great. I reached a finger in the president. No one has to stop. At this point, they had the bright idea to call Alexander Graham Bell to come by with a newly invented metal detector to see if he can help. Hi, is this one? Yeah, this is two. You know what? This works out great. to come by with a newly invented metal detector to see if he can help. Hi, is this one?

Yeah, this is two. You know what, this works out great. We actually need another one of your inventions. We're the only two people with a phone. It's cool. Well, Graham couldn't help. So naturally more doctors stuck their hands in the president rummaged about his guts. If they weren't charging at this point, at least something for admission,

this was a missed opportunity. Jones, try to reach a hand through his ass and see if we could shake him. Wait, wait, wait, so, so Alexander Graham Bell has something more important going on. That way. He was a beach comer just out. Yeah, yeah. Bottle cap, bottle cap, bottle cap. Is this one?

He screens the call from the way. So if you're thinking to yourself at this point, what God, how much longer could this go on? The answer is 80 days. For 80 days Garfield lived, gut shot and suffering while a clown car of inept physicians paraded about fiddling him in the belly. Since the original wound was only three inches

and clearly could not accommodate enough doctor fisting, they expanded his wound so that it became 20 inches long, stretching from his ribs to his groin. The wound began predictably to faster and became a foul smelling, pus-filled rotten flesh chasm. Garfield wasted away over the course of those 80 days from a hail in Hardy 210 pound man

to a 130 pound weeping pile of agony. Oh, shit. On September the 8th, September, he was shot in July. On September the 8th. God. Garfield is moved by a special train, which was arranged to move the dying president from Washington to his seaside cottage in New Jersey.

He was stinking up the White House, didn't he? I'm not sure. He's just like, he's just like, oh, I'm finally back in my cottage. Now I feel better. This is great. Get the smell somewhere where no one will notice it.

New Jersey. So this is where he lingered another 10 miserable days before clutch his chest and no shit crying out, this pain, this pain before finally mercifully succumbing to sepsis. The esteemed Dr. Dr. Bliss placed his ear against the president's chest and not detecting a heartbeat, but also not using his stuff to scope Stuart and said it is over And I have to say that if I was Garfield at this point even if I were not dead, I sure as fuck wouldn't be the one to correct back Someone reach into Garfield and pull out his heart and see if it's still beating And just to be thorough, yes, but whole still beating.

I can't think of this. Yeah, it would be another 86 years before we thought of the 25th. Yeah, a lot of executive orders were that year. So a few more presidents. In 1841, William Henry Harrison was just super duper excited about his first day. He was so excited in fact that he gave just an extremely long inauguration speech, despite the day having bitterly cold temperatures. And he wanted to look sharp while he did it.

So naturally he avoided wearing a coat. And he promptly caught a cold which developed swiftly swiftly into pneumonia, and he died just one month into his turn. All right. Who's out here drinking tonight? And who's coughing into a lace anchorchief? This guy gets a classic. Yeah.

All right. Section one. President Zachary Taylor's death was just odd. On Independence Day in 1850, Taylor was proudly attending the dedication of the Washington monument. He dressed himself in his finest suit, sweltering in the swampy, July heat, and he decided to cool off the only way he knew how. By drinking an enormous amount of ice cold milk and eating an exorbitant amount of cherries.

Tom, right. Yeah. That's the standard. Cooled down foods. Yep. Somehow, and it depends on what you read, this killed him. Some sources blame his death on overheating and gastroenteritis from the cherries, and others blame the bacteria in all that unpasteurized milk.

Go to them, I say, why not both? It's like you decide to haze himself into a fraternity with that workout. Alright, so apparently when Tom said stories about he meant morbid deaths of, and while I was a big fan of morbid presidential deaths until very recently, I feel like some people might need a minute to readjust, so we're gonna think of a quick break for a little apropos of nothing Oh my god the president's been short someone call a doctor. I'm a doctor. This man's been shot step aside Step aside. I need to remove his blood as soon as possible

Really please no don't do that. Yes. Yes. Get me a bucket and a razor. Stat No, it's just a win it seems like he's already losing quite a bit of blood. Ah, not nearly enough. If we don't act soon, he'll have so much blood in him, it will kill him. He'll have too much blood from getting shot. Who's the doctor here, goddammit? You? Ow, ow, worse.

Way, web feels way worse. Way worse. Damn it. He's still not bleeding fast enough. He's web feels way worse. Way worse. Samut! He's still not bleeding fast enough. He's not bleeding fast enough from getting shot. Damn it, man. You've just given me an idea, brilliant! Let's hope it's just crazy enough to work.

No, no, he's... He's super dead now. Duh, curse you, blood! You've done it again! Okay. And we're back at our right time by my count. We've had 45 and a half presidents as a nation. Only five and a half of them are still in my count. That means we've got 35 more wacky,

abish, where we go next. All right. Well, as much fun as it is to think about the deaths of our beloved historical figures, I thought it would end our president's day special with some perspective on a more recent president. and our president's day special with some perspective on a more recent president. Lyndon Johnson. The stories around the unbelievable hubris and scarily abusive behavior of Johnson are so incredible. They kind of beg disbelief. One common theme about Lyndon Johnson involved his frequent insistence that he'd be accompanied by whoever he was meeting with to the bathroom whenever

nature would call. It was very strange, very obvious power ploy. Johnson regularly required those he met with to stand close by him while he openly and without any attempt to discretion relieved himself in front of other people. Okay, the only counter move there is cross the streams Well, at least we know Tom Hanks will play him in the movie. That's cool We're taking shit on his lap I feel like I feel like you'd respect do it in the do it in the top like you up or Decker him while he's on the lower

Double deck that's they call that a double decker. Yeah So one favorite pastime of Johnson's was to drink beer and drive around his ranch Naturally the secret service had to tail him as he drove erratically and drunkenly about Unone notable occasion the president stopped at the side of the road to take a piss. The guards, as they were required to do, they rushed to his side and the wind promptly blew the stream of urine onto the nearby secret service agent who complained that the president was now pissing on his leg. And Johnson just looked at the guard, still pissing on him and said, I know, that's my prerogative. If it was Nixon, he would have told him it was raining. And if it were Trump

Putin would have had video of it. And that kind of game playing power nonsense is just par for the course for Johnson. Remember how he said that he frequently took meetings into the bathroom? That gave Johnson an opportunity to show off his penis, which he seemed to love to do. He would frequently in mid conversation turn away from the urinal with his dong hanging out, pointing himself at whoever he was talking to. He'd stop midstream or not clear whether he was still pissing at the time. That's not so much. That's not so much.

That's not much. Stings. See a doctor. You're weird. That's not. Thatsting. See you doctor. You're weird. That's things. That should sting you Tom. I'm just sticking it off. Once spinning around while talking to a lawmaker

is Willie just waving in the breeze, Johnson pointed at his cock and said, you ever seen anything this big before grabbing himself and casually spinning his dick around? Well continuing to discuss the legislation at hand. Sure, I've seen something that big, the hole in JFK's head. The holes in the Warren report. There's a lot of big, the other hole in JFK's head.

There was so many. And that's in the line. Thank you. And Lyndon said didn't just show off his dick like a much less funny Louis CK. He also talked endlessly about it. The name he preferred when referring to his, by all accounts,

Perdidja's dong was jumbo, and he took every opportunity to brag about it. When working with a tailor, Johnson is on tape, complaining that, quote, and there's tape of this quote, the crotch where the nuts hang, it's too tight. It's just like riding a wire fence.

See, if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper ends round under my back to my bunghole so I can let it out there. Oh, yeah. Can you put a silver ribbon in there so I can tie it to my ankle? All right, dude, I can see your normal size. The, my hand is cupping your normal size, dick. I'm pretty sure you're not going to need to tuck it up your butthole.

There's no way that's necessary or my presidential prerogative. I can tuck it up my butthole if I want to. He seriously loved his penis. In the White House, Johnson was trying to get a shower installed and he asked that the shower include Jets aimed so that they would shoot right at his junk. When he was told that this required too much plumbing to be feasible just so that he could get a direct spritz on his shlong, Johnson demanded that they do it anyway, saying, quote, if I can move 10,000 troops in a day, you can certainly fix a bathroom anyway.

I want it. And don't get Tom started on the change. He wanted to make to the White House vacuum cleaner. All right. What if we just make it so you can't move 10,000 troops a day? Because that's not going great. On another occasion, when he was frustrated by reporters, difficult questions about the Vietnam War and why the US was involved in it. Johnson, in a fit of that frustration, standing in front of reporters, pulled out jumbo and wagled it at them, saying, this is why the encounter was agreed to be an off the record conversation

and so reporters did not immediately report it. It's just like weirdly honorable and an absolutely bonkers sort of a way. Sorry, sorry, Tom, you're telling me Lyndon Johnson, the president of the United States, got his penis out in the middle of a press conference, and everyone agreed his penis was off the record. Thomas, what possible news did they think would be more important to report that day? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the reporter, the goddamn president of the United States, sitting on Air Force One, talking about a presidential campaign event, took off his underwear. And while he did have a towel, he did not use that towel as a drape. He chose instead to gesticulate about with it as he spoke.

The whole thing with his dick was just such an obvious and clumsy power move. It's second only to try to shake hands with someone like you just flipped your baseball hat back. So I guess what I'm saying with all this here is that despite all of our veneration of these guys, at the end of the day, they were all just men, breakable, all too human men. And up until recently, I think we all kind of thought, well, yeah, that's the beauty of the American system. This nation is in a nation governed by sovereigns, but a nation governed by people chosen from among the masses.

And on President's Day, it's a nice time to remember that, to reflect on it, and to laugh at ourselves forever thinking that was a good idea. All right, so if you had to summarize what you'd learned in one sentence, what would it be, Tom? This is a proud nation with a proud history, and I am not at all embarrassed. You're embarrassed. And are you ready for the quiz?

Why else do you think I have my penis out? Oh, okay. All right. I had some theories. Tom, what is the best name for a governmental penis? A, one eyed Willie of the people, the Royal Wee, Nur, C, Banana Republic, or D, Stephen Miller.

He looks so much like a penis Oh, it's like a penis It does Oh man, that is well Not like a good one either like a sad Yeah, a bad penis It's impossible to use the word best in conjunction with Stephen Miller in any way So it's got to be banana republic

It is Congratulations. All right Tom Linden's Johnson was just one of his odd power moves Which of the following was his second favorite power move? Hey, he began every meaning by shotgunning a beer while making hard eye contact Be every Monday he sent himself flowers from Jesus Christ of Nazareth every Monday he sent himself flowers from Jesus Christ of Nazareth. See, he'd often pretend to miss a hand shake so he could put his fingers in your nose and spin you around the room. Or D. That's a treasure right there. Or D, he invaded Southeast Asia because that Catholic asshole said we shouldn't. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. All right, Tom, which of the following is not a true fact about former presidents? Hey, Tom's Jefferson and John Adams went to England together and stole a piece of William Shakespeare's chair. I know that one's true. Be the term okay, got popularized during the campaign of Martin Van Buren, whose nickname was Old Kinderer hook. Okay. See William Henry Harrison's opposition tried to smear him as being a lazy guy who just

sits in log cabins drinking hard cider. So he leaned into it and commissioned hard cider bottles shaped like a log cabin. D. Abe Lincoln was a professional wrestler before becoming president. There's a few more of these. E. James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand and Greek with the other hand at the same time he was that ambidextrous. How would he do that?

Right, when he's writing with two hands. Like, that he make sense? What is foot, man, that's how it goes. You can write it in English with his foot, take his dick out with his second foot. That's right. F, Herbert Hoover's son had two pet alligators that were allowed to run around in the White House.

What is happening right now? These are fun facts. These are great. Wish you do a fun fact show. These, some of these are true fun facts. It's true. Gee, a museum in Philadelphia has a cancerous tumor from Grover Cleveland's upper mouth.

H, Calvin Coolidge would press all the alarm buttons in the Oval Office and then hide, just to see which staff members would run in quickly to help them. I, William McKinley, always wore a red carnation on his lapel for good luck. During an appearance in 1901, he gave the flower to a little girl, and seconds later, he got shot in the fucking face, he died eight days later. J, JFK was killed by George Bush's. Okay. Can't be J, that's everyone, that's fun. fun. Well the question is which is not a true fan right? Yeah, obviously Abe Lincoln was not a professional wrestler

He was a professional wrestler. I'll give you a second guess the Alligators Herbert Hoover. It's K all of the above those are all true No, they're not okay. I got a lot of these from mashables. So there's a good Some of them not any of them are sure. Aren't true. Yeah. All right. Well, for Cecil Eli Heathen, Tom, I'm

Noah Theggini-Rang, and I will us today. We're going to be back next week. And by then, Cecil will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can hear us try to remember what our shows were about before. Trump was president on cognitive dissonance. The scale of Lewis is kept track of.

To a lesser extent, D&B mine. I see it didn't come the account of Louis, the security of the account of Louis, the security of the account of Louis, the security of the account of Louis, the security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the

security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the security of the account of Louis, the security of the or check the show notes, be sure to check out citationpod.com. As I said, I'll be damned if an octa-roon steps foot on my petunias. No, Harris! You are naughty, sir. You guys are the worst.