Citation Needed - QAnon Shaman vs. USA et al

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

https://azdailysun.com/news/state-and-regional/qanon-shaman-files-40-trillion-lawsuit-against-trump-with-plan-to-revolutionize-america/article_5f4ad841-60ef-4060-9ff3-7f33d7ee4f0d.html

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Talkspace.com. that, and that's how it works now. I'm Noah. I'm going to be presiding over this court, though I promise not to do it honorably, and to ensure as much I've got two men here who put the ale in bailiff, Tom and Eli. When it's me, it's definitely a pale ale. Or a sunburned,

symptoms of sunburned ale. And I'm always bleeding insanity. Oh, there you go. And also joining us tonight, a high-powered attorney and a low-powered one, Cecil and he. What? Hey. That was great.

No resistance at all. Excellent. Oh. I'm married up. There you go. And before we get going, I want to remind listeners that if it weren't for our supporters on Patreon, we would sue you. If you'd like to learn out to join their ranks,

make sure to stick around to the end of the show. Don't worry. They're there. You're safe. And with that out of the way, tell us, Heath, what person plays thing, concept, phenomenon, or event we'll be talking about today. The lawsuit that just got filed at the end of September by the QAnon Shaman against the United States of America, Donald Trump, and a long list of other defendants. All right.

So get us started here by reminding us who the Q&N shaman is. Yeah. Yeah, just in case anyone missed it, the Q&N shaman. Yeah, he's the domestic terrorist who stormed the U.S. Capitol on January 6th, 2021. One, dressed up like a white power-themed furry, I think. Yeah, that's accurate. The American flag face paint and the Davy Crockett furry hat thing and buffalo horns. And based on my research, using Google Images, he's either yelling or getting ready to flage at all moments in every picture I saw.

And I don't think, he doesn't feel like a generous lover to me, so it's probably the first thing. He's just doing a lot of yelling all the time. Well, thanks to that absurd physical appearance, along with his connection to the Q&N movement, he got the title, QAnon Shaman. Does he walk around with his face contorted like that? He looks like Rick Flair during a particularly heated interview with Gene Oakerland, right?

The other treasoned idiots looked at this guy, and they were like, well, great, now nobody's going to take us seriously. Yes, yes, I do. Probably. Look, I'm just saying there are even odds that he's just an anti-vexer with lockjaw. That's just, yeah. At least half of that. Yeah.

So you might be thinking, hold on, that guy stormed the Capitol to help out Donald Trump. Why would he be suing his favorite now dictator? Well, it turns out Donald Trump was fucking children on Epstein Island. Allegedly. He's allegedly doing that. Yeah, he could have raped. those children anywhere. Exactly.

Exactly. Thank you. Good clarification. People are alleging that all over the internet. Could have been anywhere. We have no proof either way because the DOJ controlled by

Donald Trump won't release all the files. I'm sure when they finally do after getting forced by Congress, he's going to be perfectly innocent and this big delay. It was just Donald Trump building the moment.

dramatically about the suspicion of being a pedophile rapist. But until then, lots of QAnon people are feeling betrayed by the guy who is supposed to be their champion. And that includes Jacob Anjali Chansley, aka the QAnon Shaman. He fuck it. He's a hyphenated name. Yeah. If my name was Anjali Chansali, I also would have gone absolutely fucking nuts.

Pick anything else. Imagine how many first dates he went on before he was like, actually, I'm so sorry, I'm going to be a schizophrenic instead. I, you ask me my name, I started to say Angeli chansely, and then I thought, you know what, instead, microchips. I'm afraid of those. You'll need to call me Sir Shaman for the rest of the night. Okay, she's leaving.

All right. Yeah, so Jacob went to federal prison for being a treasonous domestic terrorist, but then he got a pardon from Donald Trump. Well, despite that enormous insane favor, Jacob got mad at Trump this summer about all. all the Epstein secrecy, and now Jacob is suing the country and the president. I was sorry, imagine constantly having to cater to a fan base centered on the fickle whims of costumed, face-painted, shirtless, screaming idiots. And like, instead of being the Philadelphia Eagles, you're the president.

Right, yeah. Any other sport, I get it. Yeah, especially Philly, though. That was a good example. So I was looking for something to read the other day. And I thought Jacob might be a fun. It turns out I was correct. He very much is. Goodread score. What is he? What is he? It was is N slash A, but we're going to get into it. So I went to the site where the state of Arizona keeps their public court information, and I got a PDF of this lawsuit by the shaman. And we're going to read some excerpts of this beautiful novel together. I'll start with the official form that Jacob filled out to file his case in the Superior Court of Arizona. And credit to Jacob for the first two fill in the blanks. he nailed it. He got his

County of Residence, correct? Maricopa. Nice. Good for him. Yeah, one for one. And he wrote his name correctly under Name of Plaintiffs. That's a tricky one. There's a high salad. Exactly. 100 points on the SAT. Give them a lot of agree. Yeah, that's 400 points. Eli,

it's 400 on the SATs that he already has. And then it then it got tricky with blank number three. For name of defendant, Jacob wrote U.S. This is all in caps. Pretty much everything he writes on this form is all caps. U.S. Federal Gov, Donald Trump, IMF. And I'm pretty sure that's International Monetary Fund.

And keep in mind, that list of defendants is going to grow during his paperwork. Yeah. Now, to be clear, if you're filing your own lawsuit and you're not a lawyer, you are as crazy as this guy is. You're just using less caps lock so you know. Damn it. Eli, I just asked your mom to help me prove free. your comments of the merits of my maritime arguments to yourself. All right. So I've already read summaries of this lawsuit.

And that is the only way that I know it was the International Monetary Fund and not the impossible mission forced. I don't know how you figured that out. I was kind of just guessing. You're saying you based on what you read is that. Okay. Good to know. So that brings us to the section of the form called parties.

And this is where Jake decided to sue a bunch more people, like during the form. Somewhere during that first page of the form, he realized his grievances were being caused by a much larger group of sinister actors. So when he got the blank spot for defendants on page two, he wrote, the U.S. FedGov, the Fed Reserve Bank, the IMF, World Bank, Bank of International Settlements, Donald Trump, X-Corp, T-Mobile. Mobile. Just Team Mobile.

That's the only. I agree. I agree. Because fuck those guys. Yeah. He's cool with Verizon. He's cool with Mint Mobile. T-Mobile?

Fuck those guys. Yeah, I file a Pelican brief or whatever. Yeah. A Pelican brief. He's not done yet. He's not done yet. He's not done yet. Team Mobile.

John Grisham was not mentioned, but good, good point. Good point. NSA. DARPA, Warner Brothers Studios, and State of Israel. And under additional plaintiffs, he wrote every single American. Well, except Donald Trump.

Yeah. Look, I know this is unmedicated psychosis, so asking for details kind of misses the point, but how does he imagine a lawsuit against the state of Israel by every single American would go? well and also as a party to this legislation i demand better representation oh yeah for sure for sure yeah and eliz to answer your question he thinks it's going to go pretty good i'm going to get to the amount

he's demanding in a second so there's also a section on the form called applicable law and we learn about the legal angles that jake's going to focus on he'll be referencing article one and article three of the u.s. constitution title seven of the civil rights act of 1964 the bill of rights especially Amendments 1, 2, and 4, and also two different Supreme Court cases. One of those is Marbury v. Madison, and the other is a freedom of speech case called Near v. Minnesota,

which ruled that prior restraint is unconstitutional. So, yeah, Jake's already channeling Walter Sobchak from the Big Lebowski. Sure is. And according to Jake, again, all caps. Injuries, I and others have endured at the hands of this government are too numerous to list or delineate on paper. It's not just this government.

There's an extra government in there. It's a serious allegation there. Can't even list it on paper. But he was able to write his demand for relief on paper. Jacob is suing for $40 trillion. Okay, guys, I know that sounds like a lot, but since we are all part of the lawsuit as well, that's only like $116,000 per American.

We can get the money to get. Donald Trump out. Yeah. So, $40 trillion. And then after that, like a third that goes to the lawyers, you know. It's a lot of lawyers fees. So, you know, you're only, end of the day,

you're getting like 20 and change max of that trillions. Yeah. And you have my taxes. It's not even worth doing. It's not even worth doing. Right. So after $40 trillion dollars, Jake also added,

and this is exact quote. Plus, he didn't let him finish. Plus all of the money and gold in the IMF World Bank and Bank of International Settlements. Okay, well, now he's just being unreasonable. Yeah, I was really starting to worry that the man wearing a fur had an animal horns

wasn't being seriously. I was feeling the same way. You can have it all. We just get to stack it on you. How's that? Okay, so, you know, You guys are probably wondering how that $40 trillion is going to break down, right? Don't worry, Jacob explained it.

Aside from what Tom said about the lawyers and everything, Jake's given the $40 trillion the breakdown here. Quote, $38 trillion for the U.S. to void all illusions of U.S. debt and return the USA to surplus. One trillion to rebuild America's infrastructure. Nice of it. Magnanimous. Give it back. Give it back.

Yeah. Way to go. And $1 trillion for my. personal, emotional, mental, and spiritual torture. Kippen back a little bit. I'm glad he's putting a little something in there for himself. Yeah. Look,

I don't know about you guys, but my personal emotional, mental, and spiritual torture is fixable by way less than a trillion dollars. I'm not a trillion. Can I underbid this guy? Yeah. U.S. goes to the bank. I'd like to take out a $40 trillion loan so I could pay myself back

$38 trillion to pay down. that loan. Okay, Cecil, your plan's better than the one he's going to land on. It is, it is. And I think it's the plan of our actual U.S. economy, so please be careful. It is. Awkward. And right below the breakdown of the $40 trillion in the same section, Jacob also added

another big banking demand. But when he thought of this one, all the $40 trillion was already allocated and he wrote in Penn. So this part, it's just happening because he said so. Quote, all global debt will be forgiven from all central banks around the world, and we will have a true global reset. You'd be scrawled underneath that I am Tyler Durden, right underneath. This is really like a good news, bad news kind of deal. Like, good news is everyone's debts get erased. So, you know, obviously, yeah. Bad news is the entire global financial system will simultaneously collapse. And it's You know, it's the road now.

But you don't have to make your Discover card payment, so I don't know. And that guy could easily eat his hat. So I feel like he's ahead of the game. He's ahead of the game. So if you got a lot on your discover and a cool truck, yeah, you're probably going to go. That's pretty good.

And the QAnon shaman has both of those things I promise. So what other piece of context as we get into this lawsuit? The complaint is going to be referring to different exhibits of evidence. This is from Jacob. Nobody can see those yet, but they do exist. He assures us, according to the section for statement of facts and breach, quote, due to the fact that I have over 10,000 exhibits,

I've placed all exhibits on a Google Drive until Discovery, end quote. And he wrote out the full URL that Google Drive. It goes to nothing. That's not. Sorry, that's forward slash forward. Ah, fuck. Okay. I will represent the IMF pro bono to get a look at that fucking Google drive. All right.

Well, that brings us to the initial complaint of the lawsuit. I'll let the attorney for the QAnon Shaman explain it. That attorney is named the QAnon Shaman. He's representing himself just in case that wasn't clear from the filing paperwork. and that's how you get the complaint of 8,694 words with the entire thing written as one single paragraph. I've curated a selection of highlights for us, but if you're worried about losing Jacob's most nuanced points,

stop doing that. You're going to be fucking fine. So here it is, starting at the top. Jacob begins, the more you read, the more sense, It all makes. The more you see, the more your heart breaks. That feels like a Taylor Swift lyric. And if it gets in $40 trillion, then it probably is, actually. Taylor Swift lyric.

Yeah, see, so I actually just bought this lawsuit on three different colors of vinyl. Nice. It's smart. Yeah, I just want to say up front, that's a lie, right? It will not make the more sense, the more you read. Yeah, 100% right. That's a caveat. He's already lying.

Yeah. And after that beautiful rhyming opener to his lawsuit for $40 trillion that contains a lie. Jacob explains. And didn't have a rhyming opener for our lawsuit. Which a bunch of legal shit. Jacob did. But I had to sign. So from there, Jacob explains how the U.S. government is fully aware they've been illegal since 1803.

Oh, no. Writing, quote, U.S. government knows that, according, Marbury v. Madison, all laws which are repugnant to the Constitution are null and void. However, that has not stopped them from continuing to operate a clearly unconstitutional system while they target American citizens to do it. I am a traveler. I am not being detained right now. Not. For what crime? For what crime? For what crime? And just to be clear, domestic terrorism in his case, just to be clear, the... Yep. It's a pretty clear crime. The main point of that ruling, by the way, in Marbury v. Madison,

was that the Supreme Court can declare laws unconstitutional. Judicial review was established. Their job, basically. Nothing about white terrorist shamans declaring things on constitutional. Also, the Superior Court of Arizona in Maricopa County is not the Supreme Court of the United States. So, that was nothing. From there, Jacob decided to trigger me personally, while we're still on the very first page,

quote, the Federal Reserve Act of 1913 is an unconstitutional law that is currently affecting the heartbeat of our nation's economy. Hey, for what it's worth, nailed the correct use of effect there. I wouldn't have expected it.

He did. He really did. If we examine the pattern of large financial peaks followed by large economic crashes that seem to have been engineered since the Federal Reserve Act's passing in 1913, the pattern becomes obviously nefarious.

The owners of the Federal Reserve have been treating the American economy like a rigged casino or a government mandated. Here it is, Ponzi scheme. Oh, yeah, we do it. I like the idea that you were with him until then. I get excited. He rind. I'm going to give everybody just like one guess who he thinks owns the Federal Reserve. It's the Jews.

The answer is always the Jews. It still got there. Okay, but think about it, guys. Why else would every peak be followed by a trove? Okay. Seriously, though, that is part of the argument. That is his argument. See these troves, right?

Interesting. Yeah. Why is it never two in a row? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, after the shirtless guy with the horns explained monetary policy. in central banking, Jacob actually did make a few decent points.

Barely. Hey, man, you okay? I'm being super generous here after waiting through. I'm trying to be intellectually honest. I waited through this giant pile of nonsense. I pulled out some nuggets of truth on his behalf. We were going to be more. And you went this version of crazy?

I'm setting up. our legitimacy even more. So he criticized our history in the United States of regime change operations. Okay. And he criticized the deregulation of banks that led to the financial crisis of 2008. Okay. And he said the Patriot Act was a bad thing. So fair enough.

But then he launches into the story of the U.S. government running a surveillance operation on him personally because he's that dangerous. So went downhill pretty quick. Around the spring of 2008, I spoke live on K-F-YI, conservative talk radio. In that phone call, I spoke of a disruptive patent technology known as Tesla coil and its ability to give everyone free energy. I also proposed the notion of burning money to protest the government's printing of money and the creation of inflation. In the intelligence community and the national security world, this single phone call was equivalent to metaphorically blowing up the airwaves with a call to action against the system.

I therefore inadvertently created an unexpected national emergency below the surface. I say this because the Fed's debt-based petro dollar is fragile in the presence of such technology. Yes, a quick fun fact for the shaman here. Paper money only accounts for all. 8% of the total actual money that exists. So we'd have to have like a digital bonfire to get all, you know. And there's all those coins. You got to melt them.

Yeah, right? It's going to take forever. Melting bitcoins. And his Bitcoin furnace. Yeah. Okay. He very clearly. Just that want to like set fire to Spotify or whatever because they can't do albums anymore. They can all get it together. That's great. Yeah, he very clearly heard, you know, conspiracy theorists tell him, like, they're printing money again, and he's like, what if we burn it? Like, he actually believes that's what that meant. Yeah.

You son of a bit. He figured it out. He continues. I knew that my stunt on the radio got the government's attention because when they put the segment on KFII's website, they called the segment Tesla Coil. While this may seem insignificant, when you understand that all radio stations and. and most of their DJs are part of the intelligence community. Really? Sorry?

I'm going to have trouble reading through a lot. Are part of the fucking... Really? Bubba the Love Sponge? Intelligent community? Okay, well, now that one, I believe. Sorry, yeah, that was a bad example. That was stupid. It made us look like fools.

When you know that all radio stations and most of their DJs are part of the intelligence community, you know that my call made a national impact. Also, when I attempted to replicate the process elsewhere, other radio stations had their doors metaphorically locked. Yeah, after I shit in the punch bowl, I stopped getting invited to parties. It's probably the Jews. They sold all my invites.

It is the Jews again. In addition, I noted a short time after I pulled that little stunt, the movie, The Dark Night, came out. And in that movie, the Joker burned millions of dollars. in money and blew up a whole police station with a single well-timed phone call. These seemingly insignificant details will make sense in context as time goes on. I am just a burdened money. They will not.

Seriously. He's putting a pin in that during his $40 trillion lawsuit complaint. Continuing, a short time later, in the spring of 2009, while I was writing America's second Declaration of Independence. the U.S. government illegally hacked my computer to observe the words as I typed them over the course of several hours. Okay, guys, I know this is a little bit of a long shot, but knowing this guy uses Google Drive, I'm willing to say with like 99% certainty, they did that thing where you open a Google Doc, you already have opened in another tab, and you see your own name.

Except he was like, witch fingers and slammed his laptop. that's why I think it's amazing they know who's cursor is this this is someone else's cursor that's so extremely likely

oh man okay continue one more time if you will examine the evidence presented Exhibit A you will see that the words treason, sedition

and violence are used throughout the document. This purposeful linguistic bait was used to lure the government's national security surveillance software into a trap. These trigger words in the document triggered government national security protocols

written into the computer software that I was using. And that's why my screen popped up on a government screen somewhere without due process. Well, fuck. Heath has now copied those very words into our shared Google dot. So I guess we all need

a minute to ready our go bag. So we'll be back after a quick break for some apropos of nothing. Who's this anonymous narwhal? Show yourself. Why do you know everything I'm thinking as I'm thinking it? Hi, can I help you?

Yeah, I'm here to issue a non-jurisprudence, Solana for all Rocio Bonham, bring the parking ticket. My name is a corporation? Oh, okay. Got it. So you want waste management. Follow me. Waste management?

Isn't that like trash cans and stuff? Yep, well, they do that. But they also have a department where, people in psychosis who clog up the legal system are paired with the public servants who just who don't want to be there and make everything about government contact terrible um hey dureen i've got a i got another one for you oh uh hello one fucking second i'm on my goddamn phone you're on your phone at work looked all right it looks like uh you guys are good i'm going to head out okay what the fuck do you want um i'm here to issue a non you

to get a fucking form and take a goddamn number. Which form? Which? I had a fucking told you ass. No, you did not tell me. I'm going to fucking lunch. It's not a. It's 12 o'clock somewhere.

All right. All right, what about Saturday the 23rd at 9.20? way. That's snack time, man. I wish you still had just one snack time. Hey, guys. What are you doing? Yeah, what's with the calendars? Well, Elon and I were just going on. I'm also in the sketch. Establish.

Here I am. I'm also in. Yeah, Elon and I were just comparing calendars about when we could finally get around to buying life insurance, you know? Yeah, we want to make sure our family's taking care of, but who has the time? What's fabric by early? Man, okay. Just one second. Well, guys,

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Guys, what are you doing? Well, Tom and I were just figuring out who gets to text their wife, goodnight. Yeah, and thanks to big cell phone, our wireless. No, wait, stop. Stop. I'm fighting over the phone.

Just give me a second. Dude, what are you doing? I have to be doing the shenanigans to get the point for Mint Mobile. I have to be like in it mobile. No, that doesn't count. You ask. You ask.

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and bring your own phone number along with all your existing contacts. But have you actually give me the keys? Let me wash my hands. You never wash your hands. What are you talking about? Have you actually tried it? I sure have. I switched to Mint Mobile when they began. became a sponsor. Now I get the same great service for a fraction of the price. Drive faster. Jesus. All right. Noah, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Ready to say yes to saying no? Make the switch at mintmobile.com slash citation. That's mintmobile.com slash citation. Up front payment of $45 required, equivalent to $15 a month,

limited time, new customer offer for first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan, taxes and fees extra, see MintMobile for details. Hi, here. Here. Finally, thank you. I feel like the points thing may have gotten away from us a bit Yeah, a little bit, man Yeah Yeah

And we're back And we last left off The man in American face paint We're in buffalo horns during the only insurrection dumber than that one where they refused to leave the birding station

was in some sort of a mental health crisis on paper heath. Take it away. Didn't we send a bunch of dildos to the birding station? Yeah, sure did. A lot of dicks.

It's very fun. All right. So now we're going to pull out that pin from earlier about the dark night. Jacob is quite certain that his amazing writing got stolen

by at least two blockbuster movies, including the highest grossing movie of all time. Quote, I knew the government saw what I wrote in my private computer

because the movie Avatar came out a few short months after I wrote these documents. This may seem trivial to most.

Sure does, buddy. However, the proximity of its release to the writing of the second Declaration of Independence.

It's only 60 days. I mean, that's... Yeah. and the things I said in the Declaration regarding the Native American tribes and their lands cannot be ignored when the main character's name

is a former Marine branch of the Navy named Jake that's my name who was recruited into a super soldier program end quote everything except that thing where I said that's my name is an exact quote for context Jacob was in the Navy that's it

he refused to take an anthrax vaccine and he got discharged his final rank was storekeeper seaman apprentice not not super soldier

or super sailor not even a super sailor seaman apprentice was the reality show with Donald and Epstein I think I really appreciate that in this guy's mind Avatar which took four years of active production work

was written in the 90s written in the 90s was influenced months before it's released by the government reading like random Google Drive manifest Oh guys we gotta change the main character's name Somebody called Cameron get Cameron on the line That thing's going to make no money until they got Jacob's cool stuff. I'm still going to make seven more of them. Do a fine and replace.

Mike for Jake. We got this. It's good. All right. Well, that brings us to Wiggett. To that one time when the U.S. government catfished Jacob using his known weakness. That would be the actress Michelle Rodriguez.

Only kryptonite. No notes. Only kryptonite indeed. Here's the tale straight from Jacob. Here's the quote. Avatar's time to release is significant, as is Michelle Rodriguez's presence

in the film and her line. I was hoping for a tactical plan that didn't involve martyrdom. These seemingly insignificant facts are designed to seem insignificant on their face. But if a person were in the loop of what I had written on my computer,

or a few months prior, those details would stand out to a sharp mind. I don't feel like they would, Jacob. I would describe your mind as less sharp and more jagged. Jacob continues, we must move forward in time to the autumn of 2017 when I was writing my book, one mind at a time, a deep state of illusion. Coming to a bonus episode near you. sure the fuck is. And the government

was watching my computer then as well. When I was about to publish that book, I was contacted on Facebook by who I thought was Michelle Rodriguez, my celebrity crush. Oh my God. What truly peaked my belief in a potential connection

was the fact that she said my name in one of her live chats with her fans. She has since deleted that video. But I have more proof of our correspondence. After she said by name in her live chat, I began commenting on her photos with poetry I had written just for her.

Sir. And the exact quote. Sir, sir, this is a lawsuit. Can we talk about lawsuit stuff? No, no, no, no. Cecil, Cecil, way too few lawsuits mention unsolicited, love poetry, posted to the social media page of celebrity crushes. It's fair.

This episode better quote at least one sonnet and Heath I am expecting rhyming couples. I gave you that opening it rhymed. Okay. I feel like this guy I so I feel like this is one of those guys where you can't talk to him about anything for very long before you hear about that time that Michelle Rodriguez said his name

during a live stream. And then had to immediately block his hands. Yeah. Is there ever a restraining order? on camera again. He continues. I then noticed she posted more photos and posted visual images of herself

that seemed to be responsive to my poetic comments. So I kept sending her the poetry I had written for her. Good. And eventually, I received a message request from her on Facebook and I happily accepted it. I do not have proof of this direct correspondence. without accessing Facebook's deleted data.

However, I do have multiple eyewitness testimonies who saw the communication taking place in real time. I, they saw me, I gave her the opportunity to squeeze the shaman. I gave her that opportunity. Hey, man, man, can you confirm that I just got a Facebook response from Michelle Rodriguez? Cool, I said you can't park here. Jesus Christ He continues again

So Michelle and I began a correspondence Through direct message on Facebook And eventually she gave me her number And we started communicating via text message Eventually I discovered It was not Michelle at all But in fact, the NSA

Then after I vocalized That I had realized That it wasn't Michelle And was in fact the NSA the NSA asked me who gave you permission to write a book to which I replied something like I thought we lived in a free country didn't know I needed permission I was actually kind of flattered that my book had gotten such high level attention compliment of a lifetime and I was offered the opportunity to work with the NSA covertly and help them deal with other

worldly matters that my shamanic beliefs made me a perfect candidate to handle. Yeah, he got plus two resistance to nature magic. There's that. There's that. You know, I got to say, though, it really is, that was a good question. Like, maybe

people should have to get permission to write books. You know what? I'm not, I don't know, I'm not saying that's a better system, but I'm not sure it's worse. I just, you know. The NSA was like, look, you can join us, but you have to pay your own way with gift cards and all you have to send us those gift cards.

I'm Michelle Rodriguez. Well, I got a text from the NSA that said I could work for my home. Oh, God. All you have to do is like send out envelopes every day. Jacob continues again. However, it seemed that through this correspondence with the NSA, I was also able to maintain a covert connection to Michelle. I thought it wasn't.

Michelle seemed. I wanted to prove my worth and I started to send Hollywood scripts that I had written so I could work with Michelle and make money for myself and everyone involved. This is still a lawsuit, right? We are in the middle

of a very This is still the same paragraph, man. Yeah, this is the same paragraph. This is how you get $40 trillion, Tom. Don't interrupt. I thought, the law. I thought that having an inn was all that was necessary in that business. While I was right, I was also wrong.

Instead of being given a job as a writer or an actor, my ideas were stolen and I was mocked. Along the way, I was inundated. I don't want him to get mocked. I don't want the poor guy to get mocked. He was mocked. Along the way, I was inundated with MK Ultra mind control techniques through my phone.

Getting calls from DC area codes or personally tailored messages in my social media feed in conjunction with the use of neuro-electromagnetic weapon surveillance. What? All of the evidence. All of the evidence for these accusations

is in Exhibit D. End quote. Just a reminder, nobody can see any exhibits. There's no exhibits right now. Are the exhibits in the room with us right now, Look, Keith, I just hope that the exhibit is a picture of his Facebook feed offering up a Michelle Rodriguez fan page

with an ad below for Juergen's lotion. That's all I hope. All right, so I will admit that most of what I know about M.K. Ultra is from the episode that Heath did on it. But I don't recall phone calls with a DC area code or social media messages factoring into them all that heavily, right?

No, I don't remember that either. So from there, Jacob explains how even if that whole theory about Michelle Rodriguez and covertly working for the NSA was completely wrong, he did get an email from Donald Trump one time, so QED, it wasn't wrong. Go fuck yourself. Quote, I have evidence that the POTUS himself contacted me after January 6th, 2021, on January 8th of 2021, proven by Exhibit F. this private message from Donald Trump at nsa.gov. Is the cherry on the Sunday sick that's spelled capitalized as if the day when it comes to knowing for certain that the government was monitoring me prior to January 6th and tracking my every move accordingly? Okay. So none of you got me anything for my birthday, but I would like to request. that I get to watch Noah explain to Jacob

why that's the incorrect spelling of Sunday. That's what I want for my birthday this year. That's what I want for my birthday every year. You know, Heath, for a moment there, I will admit, I kind of lost the thread for what this lawsuit was about. And then I remember that about was the wrong framing here. Yeah, sure.

There's no thread. Yeah, there's no spoon. There's no thread. So you're probably wondering, though, Tom, you must be wondering if Jacob is into crypto. He is into crypto. And you're probably wondering how that's going. The answer is not great for Jacob anyway. Here's the story from Jacob. I also have proof that the government recently stole my cryptocurrency wallet valued at over $100,000. Yeah. I also have a witness

to the money being there and having four separate crypto wallets in one account. Then my password being changed and finding I suddenly have only one crypto wallet and only $200 in Solana coin. The second time that he's like, don't act like I don't have that hearsay because I do. Just a side note, the Solana blockchain platform, that's the Solana coin is their native coin. That's the one Donald Trump used for the Trump meme coin and Melania used for the Melania. meme coin. Sure. So that's what's going on there.

And then Jacob had an amazing detail right after talking about his salonic coin that got stolen. Quote, the same night slash early morning that my crypto wallet was stolen, someone once again illegally came into our home and left something in my mother's purse. Animal, vegetable, or mineral? well are we doing a game is this a game all I want in the world right now is for mother's purse

to not be a metaphor for me Hey Ema how come there's condoms in here again oh must be that darn in this a game game it's always coming in here with it okay but what about the

psychotronic weapons and the freemasons I was gonna ask Noah and Tom we're both curious about great question both of you Jacob continues, whoever and whatever is in charge of the malevolent use of these psychotronic weapons in our government or in the Masonic lodges are the ones that are running the country. For it is they that are an invisible gun at my head.

I have reason to believe that it may actually be an artificial intelligence defense system designed to implement MK Ultra-style mind control protocols untargeted individuals using. psychotronic weapons, which could very well mean the national security state is being controlled by artificial intelligence, not by elected officials. I mean, at this point, I'm open

to it, right? Can we even? This was maybe a good point here. At least intelligence would be involved in some way. All right. This is how you get tariffs on penguins. It's right here. Okay, but how is all that proven by the COVID pandemic? Another great question by, I'm assuming all of you, you just didn't say it out loud, according to Jacob.

If we examine my allegations alongside the way that a U.S. slash Chinese manmade virus and M.RNA gene therapy bioweapon was deployed by the U.S. military and forced on the American people during COVID-19 lockdowns, we see that the government is willing to affect our freedom to assemble, which is a clear violation of our First Amendment right to peacefully assemble. Then he cites more exhibits that, but again, we can't see. And he continues, there is black and white ink on paper proof that non-DOD government agencies and the DOD knowingly participated in these crimes against humanity when they pushed the COVID-19 MRI gene therapy that was in fact a bioweapon made by DARPA to be used on the unsuspecting public as a vaccine. I have not read a more succinctly written op-ed for the funding of universal mental health care than this.

Yeah. Yeah. So from there, Jacob gives us a pretty extensive description of the U.S. government being in league with nefarious entities

like the Italian mafia, the Jewish mafia, Swedish royalty. Okay. That was a big section on Swedish royalty. And of course, the evil cabal of international bankers. I feel like that's an awkward table,

right? You got criminals and lizard Jews and well, and some blonde people with largely honorary titles. No, I don't know there. I've read enough David Ike to know that saying evil cabal

of international bankers and Jewish mafia is just weirdly redundant. Yeah. Somebody set the stopwatch for Rothschild. Well, it'll get there. He'll get there. So the basic idea, the U.S. government is controlled by the Illuminati, and that's illegal. Now, will that be leading

to a grand proclamation from Jacob? Yes, it will. He continues, I hereby declare. Total independence from this foreign powers corrupted financial system in doing so. I've used the corrupted legal system's own weight and corruption as the legal weapon for its demise and self-destruction. So if you think about it, I just did jiu-jitsu with my brain. So very clearly, this guy's doing BJJ and he was like, I'm going to do BJJ in my lawsuit. This is perfect. He continues.

with this legal action. I also hereby make myself the first legal president of the new constitutional republic of the United States of America.

Copy and paste this as a status to protect yourself. I'm actually good with Facebook taking ownership all of my photos at midnight C. So they're mostly

at my cats. Hey, Heath, what about Jacob's first presidential act? First presidential act? Such a good question. Cecil, thank you. You're probably wondering, is it a super cool, smart move?

informed by Jacobs' nuanced understanding of macroeconomics and monetary policy and international relations. Well, you decide, here it is. As my first presidential act, I'm ordering the Federal Reserve to mint a single one ounce gold coin and set its value at $40 trillion and pay off the debt, giving that $40 trillion coin. to me, $38 trillion will sit in the new U.S. Treasury. One trillion will be given to me for my years' worth of pain and suffering. The other $1 trillion will go toward creating a new civilization based on symbiosis between humanity and nature in the new United States of America.

I want to hear how Jacob plans the symbiosis, humanity, and nature. I know it's a weird takeaway from that, but I want to know. what he's going to do. It's just very awkward trying to get someone to make change for that coin. Like, hey, buddy. Can you break $40 trillion? I only need $2 trillion, though. I only need $2 trillion back. Also, wasn't he supposed to do a million for like, or a trillion for infrastructure week? Well, that's this is the symbiosis, bro. Symbiosis between humanity and nature. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Creating a new civilization is a lot of infrastructure. So much infrastructure goes into that. If you think about it, like a quarter is bigger than a dime, right? And a dollar is bigger than a course. Like, imagine if they scales up, you know, just size-wise how big the $40,000.

You climb it to the moon. We're going to stack it on top of them again, like Cecil said before. Yeah. So now you're probably wondering, Cecil, what are you wondering about? Just, you know, maybe where's the new capital city? Great question. Great question. And I'm assuming you must be wondering about. Does it have lay? Yeah, okay. Because that was my question I wanted to know the answer to.

Jacob explains answers to both those questions. I am hereby assuming command of the country. You already said that, bud. You already said goodbye doing that you're the president. He said that twice, though. Okay, so that's official. He continues. Phoenix, Arizona, answer your question.

Cecil will befittingly become the new capital of the new constitutional republic of the United States of America as its capital ground is built to answer your question, Tom, lay lines. I mean, plus, they can't bomb us if the capital city's already on fire, right? So that's what I'm going to be able to do. I hope they put the entire White House on a trailer and drive it out there.

Like one big fucking trailer. With the ballroom. Yeah. I'm trying to another trailer. Like a second truck that's got to drive right next to it the whole time they're going to match speed. Yeah. I'm trying to.

I don't remember what lay lines are. They're like invisible energy lines of the sense or something. Go fuck yourself. Because it turns out that if you take two points and you draw a line between them, it's a straight line. That's the... Shaky for the earth. Yes. That's like how there's like peak and then valley like every time.

That's crazy. Okay, well, from there we get step two of his new administration, quote, as my second presidential act. I'm offering all nations who wish to defect from their own Rothschild owned sick. It's actually Rothschild's fine. Central banking system, the opportunity to join the new constitutional republic of the United States of America and use the loophole I have created to escape economic slavery. Okay, I really want Luxembourg to take them up on this. Yeah.

I want to see the UN equivalent of that freakout scene in Jerry McGuire. Right, let's just hear of Luxembourg walking out. He's coming with me. Luxembourg, thank you, Luxembourg. Anybody else? Fuck. Did Canada, did you raise her? Nope.

Okay, okay, whatever. So, here's the big finale from Jacob and his, again, $40 trillion lawsuit. We speak the most. Shut up, Luxembourg. God damn it. Here's the finale. I have taken the seemingly infinite steps necessary. Counting them on the podcast.

Right. I don't know why. That would seem infinite like we're reading it. He's taken the seemingly infinite steps necessary to rescue our republic that I spoke of in my Declaration of Independence in 2009, the sequel. And I have arrived at my destination using truth as my sword and shield and peace, freedom, and abundance as my promised land. Kind of got muddled there. Okay. Continuing, all glory,

the omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent creator God. Happy 250th birthday United States. And you thought he forgot our birthday.

Happy birthday to you. Jesus and Christ. There's just one final sentence to close it out. It says, Abracadabra, satur,

a repo tenet opera rotas abracadabra exclamation so at first I thought he was doing like I don't know a counter spell that blocks the Freemasons and their satanic powers with their evil spell but then I realized he's just

doing a palindrome but he got the palindrome wrong because abracadabra backwards is Arbada da Carba but it looks close so he went for the big palindrome close for

40 trillion and he missed of lawsuit seriously for 40 trillion dollars man way to give him something to pick apart and appeals dude fucked up I'm sorry did you try to end this with a palindrome case dismissed get it out of here the car of a motherfucker

making him read it back It's our bread. He disappears back into his own dimension. If you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? I mean, like, N slash A, but like, okay, the failed palindrome, it's just so perfectly emblematic of the ineptitude of the entire J6 mob and the QAnon mob and the anti-vaxxer conspiracy mob that I almost think the lawsuit is someone pretending to be the Q&on shaman for satire. But it's not. It's actually, it isn't real, sadly. And are you ready for the quiz?

Let's do the quiz. All right. Heath, what's the name of Jacob's revolutionary Red Dawn action-packed movie where he overthrows the government and Donald Trump? A, independs, since day. The adult diaper? B, yep. The Bipolar Express?

Yikes. or C in Melania fire In Melania fire Are you going for in the line of fire? In the line of fire is what I was going I'm really

It's pretty close I like that movie I like that movie I'm going to go with C because I like that 90s movie It's a good movie It's a good movie that holds up Sure does

Does it Okay Nothing does Michelle Rodriguez didn't even hold up Fuck You need to see it They say it was a right wing film That pushed the shaman over the edge

And he hasn't been the same since What was the name of that movie? Hey. Only Tim Pools rush in. B. Oh, sure. Oh, my God. Russian is spelled like the Russian people.

Anyway, B, Bonfire of the Hannity's. C. Drudge, Dread, ors, D. Alex Jones's diary. Oh. Oh. Okay. Excellent.

choices all around. I'm going bonfire of the Hanities, though. Correct. Bonfire of the Hannities. Okay, I just want to remind everyone that where we go one, we go all. So where are we going? A, to get some witch hazel, clean up all that

face paint. B, to make friends with the cast of the doomsday preppers, it feels. Okay, that's a good one. Necessary now. C, to pick up our copy of what to expect when expecting an economic collapse. or D at a steak and shake

they now make everything with beef tallow for health reasons wait do they seriously yes yes yes yep

true thing okay genuinely though make friends with doomsday peppers like I'm not averse to that entirely for myself in my real life

is it come to my house it is we're doing it we're doing it we're already well it looks like you're three for three Heath you are the winner

this week all right Right. Tom, let's hear from you next week. We'll hang out in the bunker. We'll get an essay together. There you go. Right. I'm some freeze-dried legumes together. All right. Well, for Heath, Tom, Cecil, and Eli, I'm Noah. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We're going back next week. And by then, Tom will be an expert on something else. Between now and then you can hear more from us on cognitive disness, the scathing atheist, the skeptic, god off, movie, D, or D&D, minus, the no-rogan experience, and probably more of them. I can't keep up. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or leave us a five-store review everywhere you can.

Can, and if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes. Connect with us on social media or check the show notes. Be sure to check out citationpod.com. And then, when my trillion-dollar check comes in, I can probably take you to dinner somewhere nice like red lobster. Red lobster, huh? You know, you fucking talk on my leg with you. Damn it, I went forward.

What the fuck is that? No idea!