Citation Needed - Roy Bean

Episode Date: June 13, 2018

Phantly Roy Bean, Jr. (c. 1825 – March 16, 1903) was an eccentric U.S. saloon-keeper and Justice of the Peace in Val Verde County, Texas, who called himself "The Law West of the Pecos". According to legend, Judge Roy Bean held court in his saloon along the Rio Grande on a desolate stretch of the Chihuahuan Desert of southwest Texas. After his death, Western films and books cast him as a hanging judge, although he is known to have sentenced only two men to hang, one of whom escaped. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

And so I told him you can't set things more on fire. Okay, but I mean, you can try, right? You're not just not fire. Just not fire. Okay, and this is the microphone. Microphone, got it. Hey guys, what are you doing? Okay, so this week's show is about Roy Bean.

This guy in Texas who ended up a judge, even though he had no business in any position of power. So Cecil is letting me and Tom edit the end of the sketch. Really? That doesn't sound like what Cecil would do. Yeah, he said it's gonna be a good example. I download a quick book, I'm ready to go. I'm still not editing software.

So you say it's not, but you can though. Guys, I don't think this is a good idea. Ha ha, come on, no, I've seen you say it's not, but you can, though, I don't think this is a good idea. Haha, come on, no, I've seen you do it. How bad could it be? BEEP! DISTANCE! DISTANCE! Is this microphone working?

But Tom, you can't wear a hat. Yeah, this was a mistake. Hello and welcome to CitationNeeded, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Heath, and I'll be telling you drunken Uncle's stories of my glory days, but I won't be drinking and crying alone for once. Joining me for this mess is a man who would choose correction tape as his dueling weapon, and a man who keeps asking me if he can tape us. By the way, I said yes. So just, you know, stop asking. You're making it weird. Please welcome Noah and Tom. You know, people are never expecting the, I got

you know you didn't argument when there are real guns involved. So you always take a bite of fries. Okay, to be fair, Heath, what you said was, do you have a high speed shutter? And the answer is, of course I do. What else would you? And also joining us tonight are the peanut butter and chocolate, the handy and massage parlor, the courthouse and saloon of best friends. Okay. Eli and Cecil.

Alright, your money's on the way. right, your money's on the way. Heath, your money is on the way. Yeah. Hey, Heath, by the way, we just still need to schedule that duel from episode 54. I don't remember. I feel like that was a misunderstanding. I think everybody heard.

Let's put a pin in that for later. That was officially not how that. Nope, nope, not how it happened. Okay, Andrew. All right. I think really quick before we get started, let's thank those patrons. We very much appreciate your generous contributions to the GoFundMe for Eli and Noah's imminent funeral. For Tom's weird series of blackmail payments that most people would call Almonie and

for sex workers to replace the whole in my heart and Cecil is a decent human being We'll tell you where to go and you'll find out all about that at the end of the show and with that out of the way Tell us Noah what person place thing concept phenomenon or event are we gonna be talking about today? I just want to point, I can be dying and a decent human being. I mean, I can be both of those things in that joke. No, you can't.

No. That's no, I mean, theoretically. I mean, theoretically, I could have been. I mean, I'm saying it can be done. I'm saying you can't be the one that we want. That's not for you. All right, so today we're gonna be talking about Roy Bean, Texas saloon owner and justice of the peace. And Tom, you read this Wikipedia entry nearly to the end of assuming well done.

Here, you never get to the finish line, but congrats on the almost. This time is proud. Good for you. Good for you. What do you like? 50. Okay. Cool.

So are you ready to tell us how to flick our Roy Bean? Heath, I genuinely cannot wait to tell this story. All right, let's get started. I'm the host this week, so I'm just gonna sit back, relax, and cut little strips of masking tape into this microphone for later. Okay, I didn't do that yesterday. That's your time, buddy.

So. Roy B was an old time, the 1800 saloon keeper and justice of the piece who served in Texas. And he has also now made my top three historical dinner guest wish list. Him and Helen Keller and the third slot is still, I've just, I've got, we keep in that. Morgan Freeman got bumped, yeah. Yeah. I mean, like who doesn't want the Shawshank narrator,

just explaining the food all slow, even better than mask and tape. But good choice dropping him, I get it. Are we doing living or dead? I want to know. Sure. Then I choose Neil Gorsuch, dead. That's, that's, that's my know. Sure. Yeah. Then I choose Neil Gorset dead. That's. Yeah.

I like it. Good call. Yeah. It's hard to argue with that. So, McToray Roy Bean, Roy Bean was born in Kentucky in 1825 and he was the youngest of five kids. The family he was born to was extremely poor. A fact which actually seems redundant since he was as previously mentioned born in Kentucky Kentucky shaving is kind of our June theme guys We just got one twenty dollar patron sitting in home right now I need the failures. They sure do like to make jokes about me My mom died in the Challenger explosion. I sort of let that go for it's just gonna series Oh Don't do it Mom died in the Challenger explosion. I sort of let that go, but it's just been a series. And oh,

but don't do it. So I'm going to tell you Roy's parents name next, and not because you should care, not because it's interesting on its own, but because their names are fucking amazing. Dad's name was Fantley Roy being a senior.

And mom, the delightful effervescent Anna Henderson Gore bean. Oh God. Gore bean sounds like she had a horrible, clitoris accent impossible. Who could find it? Okay. I am pretty sick and tired of you. Kinkshame me on this podcast, Cecil for I'll say it right now.

All right. Since being poor and Kentucky sucks more than being poor elsewhere, Roy decided to leave and try his hand at being poor elsewhere. And he left home at 16 and he wrote a barge to New Orleans to find work. And instead of finding work, he found trouble. And although the wiki doesn't exactly specify what kind of trouble, it was with a capital T that rhymes with P and that stands for pool. Music man. Music man. Music man.

Shit. Shit. Like this wasn't the kind of trouble that was just nothing because the very next line indicates that he fled nice verb to San Antonio to live with his brother Sam. And I got to thinking about what the hell you have to do in New Orleans in the 1800s that is so bad that you have to do to leave from it. And I had to stop because I became too aroused to concentrate. I'm guessing he fled when he got caught being an n-word lover. I mean, that's the straight white male of the 1800s. The animal. All right. Cecil, you're going to beat that out, right? The straight white male.

You're going to beat that out, right? All right. So the two brothers open a trading post in Chihuahua, Mexico. I have only like trading small, yappy dogs for likes, value, objects, whatever that might have been. I don't even know. Like value to small, yappy dogs, cats that don't like anybody, but their owners. Hey, hey, sometimes just because their owners are better than everyone else Eli.

That's just known that. All right. So whatever they bought or sold, it didn't matter too much because pretty quickly Roy shot and killed a Mexican desparado. And once again, Roy had a leave town this time fleeing to Sonora, Mexico. Okay. Call it right now. This show ends at the South Pole. Right. All right. So Roy either got bored or maybe had a flea again. It's not really clear.

But he ended up in San Diego shortly after living with his brother Joshua, who was the mayor of San Diego. Now, you might think that Roy would settle in and enjoy a little bit of the SoCal life. Mooch happily off his brother for a while, but no. Instead, he pissed off a Scotsman named Collins. I love this. Collins challenged being to a pistol shooting match on horseback. Roy was allowed to choose the targets and he no shit chose as the targets each other, turning this shooting match into a duel with the way, wait, wait, wait, if you can choose the targets, couldn't you just target, like choose the targets on the other guy's body? We're all on you.

Or if they don't let you do that, you choose ourselves as the target. You're on the old pump fake. It's like it's losing weight, right? Wait, but I'm going to come to Roy B. It's defense here because what the fuck did Collins have in mind? I mean, if they're not shooting at each other, they might as well be settling their differences with a big ski race. What the hell is the point? I think that's what they were trying to do. All right, so if fucking dueled with pistols on horseback in February of 1852 and being shot Collins and wounded his right arm, ignoring evidently the nearby signage clearly spelling out no rough housing or horse play.

And they were both sensups quickly to jail. Bean was evidently something of a looker, right? And he attracted the attention of the women in the area. And while he was in jail, he received letters and flowers and food and wine and cigars from his female admirers. And I love this so much because hidden inside a gift of tamales was a pair of knives. This makes playing the sharp pains I feel often after Mexican food. I'm

not 100% it's the case, but Roy used the knives to dig his way through the cell wall and escape from jail after only two months behind bars. Wait, that's back when they used to build jails at a meatloaf and stuff. Yeah, sorry, ain't to go far back. But question, how did he attract the attention of women in the area? Did they do a catwalk instead of a perp walk? Hey, click on that porn thing. Not always flashes attract hot hot females in your area. All right. So Roy recently liberated flat again this time to San Gabriel, California.

And he worked at another saloon owned by his brother, Joshua. Now Joshua was later murdered and he left the saloon to Roy. I want to be very clear here. It does not say that Roy murdered Josh to get the saloon and any conjecture that would suggest this would, of course, be irresponsible. So let's pause and not do that. Okay, so Roy Bean, who I'm assuming is Mitt Romney's great grandfather, is obviously crushing it. Does he win any lady property along the way during the story? Okay, I really wish it stopped asking that on every episode about everyone.

It's all funny. Like this is the one where it makes sense, but like we did it on the Mary Curie episode and that didn't make sense, it's a lot. All right, well, sort of, because in 1854 Roy began courting a woman, no? See? See? We don't know her name.

It doesn't tell us, it's old timey times. I guess her name doesn't fucking matter. Anyway, everything was going well until she was fucking kidnapped by a Mexican military officer and married off against her will. Dating was hard back. It doesn't sound that hard. Bit of rope get away worse. I mean, I think he got it down. Purses are expensive. That's fair. But for what it's worth, it's not true. I have had so many women use the, I was kidnapped by a Mexican military officer and married off against my will. Excuse me. then you see him later at Apple B's and they're not married.

So that's a whole fucking thing. They're eating a skillet cookie, you know, I have no sympathy for anybody in an Apple B's. Like whatever you see at an Apple B's is on you. Now I'm having my funeral at an Apple B's just to bother Tom. Enjoy having it alone like he was going to come. Tom's not going to your funeral. Tom's not going to your funeral.

He was going to come any time. Maybe just one of you makes that joke not everyone at the same time. The most in sync we've ever been is a comedy trip. You might as well have fucking synced it up. That's how we're going to sync up recordings from now on. Fuck the 10 count. Oh, man. Improv is great.

I mean, Roy didn't take kindly to having his woman to kidnap. And so he challenged a kidnapper to a duel, which he won, but like only kind of sort of. So he killed a kidnapper, but the kidnapper to a duel, which he won, but like only kind of sort of. So he killed the kidnapper, but the kidnapper had friends. And those friends, six of those friends actually, they captured Roy. They sat him on a horse. They tied a new surround his neck and they left him. So he would hang whenever the horse moved and the horse did move and Roy did hang. But and this is why you never leave until the guy you were murdering is actually murdered.

My dad used to tell me that all the time is good advice. It is, it's good. The rope stretched and it allowed Roy to survive the fall. Yeah, anytime you're doing a hanging and also a slow moving, dipping mechanism, you gotta assume you're the bad guy and you're gonna get boiled.

I will say it again, he's that's only obvious in retrospect. Plus it was a great master plan. I had to tell somebody about it. Jesus. Right? So like the bride who witnessed all this and was hiding behind a tree because I guess like they remembered to bring her to the hang, but like left her to Uber herself home. I'm not sure how that works. They she ran out and she cut Roy down and Roy survived, but he had a permanent scar on his around his neck and no shit. It's that he had a stiff neck. I just think want to be thorough. I don't want to rule out the Uber driver. He could have

already come by rape during that left. That's true. We don't want to say this was near San Diego. So I just, you know, Roy later managed another saloon, but then he headed out to Texas to seek his real destiny. He tried running a firewood business, but his stock of firewood was just what he stole from a nation. So that like, that just didn't work for long. And then I love this. He ran a dairy business, but he was caught watering down all the milk. He tried his hand at being a butcher, but he got all of his livestock by stealing unbranded cattle from other ranchers. I love this guy. None of these would turn out to be Roy's true. Honestly, given the pattern, I'm just glad he didn't try to run a brothel. I was really. All right, Tom, I think you promised us a justice of the peace and so far you have not delivered.

I guess nobody's surprised. So let's stop this rambling ramshackle of the story and take a quick break for some op-apoe of nothing. Alright, Roy. Prepare to meet your maker. Do your worst, you snakes. Oh, we will. Boss, time to that tree and put his horse under him. Let the horse decide when it'll die. Heh heh heh. Uh, or, or, uh, be like we could just hang him, just do it right away. Sorry, what? Yeah, sorry to interrupt boss,

but like, we could just hang him now, like, the usual way do you where you just hang him? Nope, nope, nope. Oh, nope, nope, nope. Old Roy here is gonna wait to meet the devil. Now let's leave his lady here and get down to the saloon. Wait wait wait wait. Boss boss. Sorry boss. We're gonna leave her here. Hold on. Now leave me here. That don't make no sense. Yeah. No she's gonna watch

all Roy here meet his maker. Or maybe she's going to rescue him. Rescue him, exactly. Yeah, he's obviously going to rescue him. That's a stupid idea. No, unless she gets off a lucky, and I don't think Roy here has a rolled much but a snake eye. Okay, it just... It seems oddly planned to just... No, never this talk, let's just leave my knife here with the sharp edge pointed at the rope

put a neck brace on Roy and get to the saloon. neck brace what are you talking about? why would you leave the knot? I said that! come on we're getting out of here! are you gonna come me down? I guess. Oh. And we're back.

When we left off, Roy Bean was winning duels getting hanged and trying out careers like me taking samples at an ice cream store. So tell us Tom what is next? Well, if it's like you taking samples at an ice cream store, the woman explains that you've tried every flavor. You call her a slur and then the cops come. So that always that wasn't a slur. It wasn't a slur. All right. So that's that's weird. Roy ever the ladies man is now 41. He got married to the lovely Virginia chavez who at the ripe old age of 18 and only 23 years is junior made Roy being Roy Moore's personal hero. Despite this obvious recipe for long-lasting love and marital bliss bliss Roy was soon arrested for aggravated assault

and threatening to kill Virginia. They went on to have four beautiful children. I just can't get over what a horrible thing that is to say about Roy Moore. He would have never approved this. That girl has pubic hair. True. Yeah. And she's part Latina for sure.

Shut it down. Going to run more. Question. If you beat up your 18 year old wife, is it also child abuse? I'm asking for a friend. He eats the friend, he eats the friend. He eats the friend.

That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee.

That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That ice cream thing took a wee. That's fine. So Roy had a family to support now. So we went back to his roots and began killing Mexicans. I'm sorry, it's your story. I'll let you do it. I'll let you do it. I'll let you do it.

I'll let you do it. I began again running a saloon in a poverty stricken slum known and I shit you not as beanville. Now, I know beanville Roy was so reviled by his neighbors in beanvill that after hearing rumors of railroad construction camps nearby, a neighbor paid Roy $900 to convince him to leave town. Jesus. $900. It's really, it's weird.

No in Lucinda gave me $900 exactly a few times, but it was just to be nice. There's like, it was an unrelated story from my life. They just gave me, I mean, they wrote the words get and out on every 100. And yet, but we're not for nothing. Um, that's 25,000 dollars in today's money. Okay. I can only imagine hating my neighbors that much because I've lived in Georgia. All right, so being left as wife and his kids, good move on being there. Solid. And he headed to Texas with his $900. And with his money, he bought a tent, a few supplies and 10 55 gallon drums of whiskey. I bet that was the good shit.

Fantastic. That is how you invest. Just double bag. You got to put double bag or they break right through. He's like putting like those weird little mesh things around. So they don't flink in the bag. I can carry it all into one trip. In the nearby construction camps there were 8,000 railway workers. So Roy set up a tent city near the Pico's River that he called no shit, vinegar rooms.

I wonder if he eventually soured on the name. Oh shit. I'll say it myself. How do you land on vinegar room? Like, hey guys, any ideas for the name of my bootleger tent city that I just made you shout about. Shout out whenever you got an idea. Epic slur, solid dressing. Okay, that is great. That is great. Vinnigarune, we're done here. First try. Shorter meeting than I expected. However, it happened, Vinnigarune was far from any official law and keeping the piece

there was tough. So a Texas Ranger declared that someone needed to act as the justice of the piece and Roy was appointed as that song. Jesus. Roy Bean. The guy we've been talking about. A man on the run after breaking out of jail for shooting a man in a duel, a man who killed another dude in a different duel over a girl with no name, who was also a cattle rustler, a firewood

thief, a milk diluter, a wife feeder and child abandoner. This guy was now the justice of the beast. Jesus. Yeah. And Donald Trump is president, Tom. If you're looking to shake me to my core, you're going to need a time machine. I'm just, I wish I had a milk diluter for a president. I was the worst of his crimes. All right. So one of his first official acts as Justice of the Peace

was for him to shoot up the tent of a rival saloon order. This was listed as an official act. of a rival saloon order. This was listed as an official act. Roy then turned his tent saloon into the courthouse and he started referring to himself as the law west of the Peacots. I was sheriff Joe's great granddad. Well, I don't think that's why our pie occupies Roy Beans picture near his bedside, but that could be his granddad. that could be. It could be his grand dad. All right. So as the law west of the Peacos, Roy relied on just a single book to guide all of his decisions, the 1879 revised statutes of Texas.

And I love this. When he was given new versions of the book, like the revised revised statutes, he used them as kindling. He just burst them. And Roy was peculiar. He didn't allow hung juries or appeals. And he chose the juries from whomever happened to be at the saloon at the time. And I am not even kidding here again. No shit.

There was a one drink minimum at court recess. That's the best. I mean, it sounds crazy, but I'm guessing that led to some weirdly honest confession for this. Right. Just like a random outburst during the trial. Yeah, fuck that guy's horse. You fucking, it's a good looking fucking horse.

Do you want to fight about it? It's fucking the horse. As someone who just did jury duty, I can confirm, nothing has changed. Absence. Nothing has changed. All right, so I love this. In one particularly famous case, an Irishman who was no shit named Patty O'Rourke shot and

killed a Chinese worker. Kill him for stealing his pot of gold. Make it fun of the funky pun. So a mob of angry Irish dudes threatened to kill Roy if he found patty guilty. And Roy poured through his trustworthy 1879 revised statutes of Texas. And he found that in it, it says it's illegal to kill a man in Texas. But since it didn't say anything about killing a Cheydamen, what's patty's free to go? Tom, I believe Cheyne Niggorune is the preferred But since it didn't say anything about killing a shitamin, what's the bad news for you to go? Ha ha ha. Tom, I believe Chinigaroon is the preferred nominers.

Oh, Chinigaroon. Ha ha ha ha ha. My spell check, by the way, it's like, it's got like big, it AI or something. It's getting super rich. It did not underline Chinigaroon. Maybe it just heard what you called that girl the ice cream parlour.

See the pocket. All right, so this is a good one. Another notable example of Roy's judicial cunning was on evidence when a dead man was discovered with $40 and some concealed weapons on his person. So Roy's solution was to levy a posthumous fine and fees against the dead man, amounting to $40.

Right. Fucking estate tax. And as the railroad construction moved, so did Roy, but he wasn't terribly well received everywhere he went. After setting up his saloon at courthouse, 70 miles west of Venergeroon in a town called Strawbridge, a competitor laced his whisky with kerosene and Roy couldn't attract any customers. He moved again this time to

language. I didn't just take him into his magic justice saloon and shoot him and take his foot out. Right. All right. So in Langtree, the land that Roy wanted was sold already to the railroad and it was sold on the condition that it not ever be sold or leased to Roy. So Roy just said, fuck it. And he illegally squatted on the land for 20 years. Because fuck you, that's why. Jesus.

Yeah. I feel like when there are legal conditions that you personally can go fuck yourself, it's time to look inward. You know what I mean? Contracts. I mentioned you by name. It's a Roy open a new saloon slash courthouse and he named it the Jersey lily. The town of Langtree didn't have a jail. So Roy had to get creative. We solved all

of his cases by levying fines and the fines he levied were in a mount. Coincidentally, always for exactly how much money the accused person happened to have. for exactly how much money the accused person happened to have. And Roy just kept all of the money for himself. He said, none of it to the state. That was just his now. What is he, Radbagoa? And then Roy Bean went on to be the founder of Ferguson, Missouri. Well, to be fair, he was going to be the head of ICE, but that was too blatantly evil and destructive. So, he also toddlers rip from their mother's arms, have no money. So, you see.

I mean, I feel like at a certain point, you would just like learn to forget your wallet that day, right? I mean, that wasn't the end of his eccentricity. In the old time, he consarned days of the West, horse thieves were typically hang. But Roy just like let them go if they promised to give the horseback. Roy also granted divorces in an area where that was extremely unusual and he pocketed $10 for his trouble. A wedding instantly was only $5. So the saying still holds true.

It's cheaper to keep her. Yeah. De Force is expensive, but worth it. After pronouncing a couple of things. And after pronouncing a couple is married, he ended each ceremony with the phrase, may God have mercy on your soul. Our judge just said, retweet does not imply endorsement. Because I was like 18 years before Twitter. But yeah, it was weird.

So Roy continued to be elected just as to the piece until 1896 when he was finally defeated. But the defeat did nothing to dissuade Roy at all. He just refused to give up his book and his seal. And he just kept calling cases. He just kept being justice to the piece. Okay. Tom spoilers for the 2020 elections. And 1896 Roy also just organized the world championship boxing match like you do in your golden years. And he did it on an island in the Rio Grande because boxing was illegal in Texas and in Mexico, but evidently not on an

island in between. And although the fight only lasted for one period of intercourse with Heath, which is a minute and 35 seconds. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Roy was celebrated nationally for organizing that fight. They call me Tom Brady, Tom King of the two-minute drill, the hidden cameras and the deflated balls. We're in a catch in minutes. Minute 35. For all of his insanity, from that money, Roy spent most of the profits helping the poor

and making sure school children had firewood for their classrooms. They steal it from his neighbor and after he shot him, he's like, fuck her. I find you a lot of firewood. Bam. And now this next line is almost verbatim from the Wikipedia article. Roy died in his sleep peacefully after a night of heavy drinking. I feel like everything was after a night of heavy drinking for Roy. And as is to be expected in Texas,

he is now memorialized with a historical marker on the radio. Or, he's protected by teaky torches and a mob. Yup. Yeah. And if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? Judge lots. There is profit to be had.

All right. Are you ready for a quiz from the panel? Sure, what the hell? All right. So as we've established, Roy's courtroom was a bit unorthodox. What did he replace in God we trust with? Was it A? Give me all the money you have.

B. B. B. They're done that. Oh, terrible. Let's See? Roy beats girl. That's, or D, America is great right now. Oh, that is stuff that's are all valid options. I'm going to go with D America is great right now. That is correct. That is not though, which is sad. All right. How does Eli's life mirror Roy Beans hurt a little

possible way? A, they both got thrown out of New Orleans for a lift in their shirts. B, he acts like all his food has knives in it. C, they both hated Chinese guys. Or D, they both had to be cut out of a new. This is a fun high school prank. That joke is hard. So D, that joke is fun. That's the high school.

It's a fun day. They were like, you made my sister kill herself. And I was like, nah, I don't want to get into it. It's a fun joke. I don't get to go to my reunions. All right. I don't want to get into it. It's a fun joke. I don't get to go to my reunions. All right. Time I got one for you. Which of the following Roy Bean based remakes of classic courtroom films would be best? A 11 angry men and one angry Chinese guy.

B. B my cousin misses being. C and justice for all you got on you. Or D or finally D to kill a Mexican. I'm going to go with the, the Metallica reference. So that's C, and justice for all you got on. Oh, I'm sorry. It was to kill a Mexican as the one that you think would be best. Sure. All right. Yeah. All right. No, you stumped him. So you get to decide who has to learn new stuff for next week. All right. Well, I'm still reeling from the lack of angular specificity in the last couple of episodes. So I picked Cecil.

I learned how many degrees things lean damage. That's in that one time. Fuck you. I'm going to top sit up for Sarah for last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question. Thanks, Heath. Last week's question was, what made the pig that started the Hatfield, Mikkoi, feud so special? The answer comes from Jaded Zappa on Twitter with this. The pig could apply its own lipstick using Miley Ringwald's method, of course.

This week's question, if you were Judge Roy Bean, what sentence would you levie on Eli for his various crimes against humanity? Just retweet her Facebook share this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner. Back to you, Heath. Alright, well for Tom, Cecil, no on Eli, I'm Heath, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then Cecil will be an expert on something else.

Between now and then, you can hear more from Tom and Cecil on cognitive dissonance, and you can hear more from Eli, Noah, and myself on the scathing atheist, the skeptic rat, and God-offer movies. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes, connect with us on social media, or take a look at the show notes, be sure to check out citation pod.com. you