Citation Needed - The Boston Massacre and Tea Party

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

The Boston Massacre was a confrontation on March 5, 1770, in which British soldiers shot and killed several people while being harassed by a mob in Boston. The event was heavily publicized by leading Patriots such as Paul Revere and Samuel Adams.[2][3][4] British troops had been stationed in the Province of Massachusetts Bay since 1768 in order to support crown-appointed officials and to enforce unpopular Parliamentary legislation. The Boston Tea Party was an American political and mercantile protest by the Sons of Liberty in Boston, Massachusetts, on December 16, 1773.[1] The target was the Tea Act of May 10, 1773, which allowed the British East India Company to sell tea from China in American colonies without paying taxes apart from those imposed by the Townshend Acts. American Patriots strongly opposed the taxes in the Townshend Act as a violation of their rights. Demonstrators, some disguised as Native Americans, destroyed an entire shipment of tea sent by the East India Company. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

So me a motor starts making his own games and boom that's the start of huh you don't say so When do video games get you know good? Oh late 90 okay, yeah Oh man Wow what happened in here is Betrashed hey Cecil hey know it yeah about this seat. No, no, no, no, no, you don't have to tell me This week's episode is about the Boston massacre and the Boston Tea Party. So Freak Eli shenanigans this week. He destroyed the studio. No wait, that wasn't seriously dude and any second now any second now

Tom and Heath you're gonna come right into that door on a ship in red or blackface. You know what, Eli, you've become so predictable. Every week, it's just a different way to destroy the studio and frankly, I'm not even surprised anymore. This is just, I'm not surprised. Yeah, it's cliche.

Guys, I didn't do this. Oh yeah? Well, if you didn't do it, who did? And what the hell happened? Tom got his hand stuck in his pocket again. Okay, no, all right, okay, that's that tracks. He broke way less stuff this time actually. Right? I was proud of him. Hello and welcome!

Sitation needed, a podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Eli Bosnick, and I'll be leading the charge, but I'll need some cannon fodder. First up, two managers finished raising 134,778 dollars to win back the Senate, Tom and Cecil Gentlemen. Thanks for slumming it down here with us, simple folk. $8 to win back the Senate, Tom and Cecil Gentlemen. Thanks for slumming it down here with us, Simplifof. Well, this is actually literally the most America has ever cared about at slum.

Like this joke is the most America that I'm hearing about at slum. It's all, it's weird, guys, but I'm getting this feeling that the atheist community cares for other people. That's weird, too. It's weird, It's weird. And also joining us tonight, a man who raised way, way more money than Andrew Torres without

even turning on his brother. Yeah. No shit, no shit. I mean, it's true. Well, it is, but that's because when you reach me in Andrew's age, you make more money when the web cams up. Just let them imagine a better looking podcaster Andrew. It's what the whole medium is about. I will, I will point out though with the

donations that came in before and the matches and the donation Tom and I did, we are solidly in third place. I just wanted to point that out. Tom going to solidly and I mean way closer to how to heretic than Andrew, but still solidly in third place. It's all right. You can always look down at George. And I do. All right. Before we begin tonight, I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge the absence of our usual

cast member Ethan Wright. He's not here tonight because sadly, he ripped off his own penis. God damn it, I'm so proud of this, I have to make it through. He's not here tonight because sadly, he ripped off his own penis, drinking off super hard,

the brother sister incest porn, favorite kind of porn. Now, hopefully, we find out what. Avert kind of porn. We found you know what a lead avert kind of porn is. That's more disturbing than the brother sister thing to be on it. I don't know if it is. He is glad you think that. Now luckily we found the nation's leading penis replacement surgeon or a pocologist if you know the bills are pretty steep. is leading penis replacement surgeon or a pathologist. If you want to be back on the show next week,

intact. Why not become a patron of our show over at patreon.com slash citation pod. Our patrons get bonus episodes access to our suggestion box. And most importantly, they give us money that we can spend on reattaching heath's penis, which again, he tore off in an incestuous fervor. Oh, incestuous. So I don't eat mom listens to this. I don't know.

I don't know this way. Jesus Christ. Anyway, if you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Tom, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event? Will we be talking about today? Well, it's a hard pivot to the Boston massacre and Boston Tea Park. See, I figured the Boston theme was the recent heath wasn't here, but yeah. I love him sitting one out. And Cecil, you've given me yet another chance to make you do Boston Lady voice. I really do. Can textualize the glory.

I fuck like fucking tea parties. I'm doing shallow shots to let those fucking control in my fucking plan over. That's the whole show. That's the whole show. That's all I need. I don't need anything else. So tell us, Cecil, where do we begin our tale? Well, we begin our tale in the colonies.

England sent over colonists to the Americas in early 1600 as we learned recently in one of our episodes. And the colonies were under British rule for over 150 years. In that time, British colonists had town meetings, elected people in democratic elections, had their own press and pretty much ruled themselves. At least that's what the colonists thought. Right. Yeah, but the Brits had more foresight. They're like, you know what? 240 years of the self-rule shit, they'll be elected to race a circus, peanut, just to see what happens. So things start to change around the time of the Seven Years War, pretty significantly.

The Seven Years War was about Prussia and Austria fighting over a territory that literally doesn't exist anymore like Prussia. And then the French and English thought it would be a great time to join in and start wailing on each other. Now the part of the Seven Years War that happened in the Americas is known as the French and Washington football team. During this war, the British sent a bunch of troops to protect their colonial interests. And once the war was over, the troops stuck around and Britain was looking for a way to

get reimbursed for all that trouble they went through. So they decided to extort land they already owned. Yes, exactly. Sure is a nice town we've got here. It would be a pity if something would have happened. So enter the stamp act of 1765. So trigger warning millennials. I'm going to be talking about stamps. Okay. And not just the ones that give you so much anxiety. You don't mail in vote. The Seattle millennial transported in time back to the colonies would basically spend their days huddled in a fetal position rocking back and forth. Everything needed

a stamp. Everything. Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic here, but a lot of things needed a stamp. That's what I want to say. I still true today. So like, for example, all those non-voting millennials you're talking about still need to shit stamped out of them. So they stamped legal documents, they stamped newspapers, they stamped playing cards. I guess I don't know. They stamped magazines. That's why the pages are sticking together. Anything that required a stamp also required the colonists to fork over some money to pay for the ink, I guess. This is sand. And this is just an angry, educated, very intimate, but there was stamp and shit like crazy. And if you think modern Republicans hate taxes, you would be impressed by the colonists.

They fucking hated being taxed like a bunch. They hated it so much that the Wikipedia page has a section 3.2 protests in the streets, and that section has seven subsections. More sections than cops convicted in the last 15 years of murder and American citizens. Well, surely Cecil, these were peaceful protests about some tax, right? Quote, Andrew Oliver was a distributor of stamps from Massachusetts who was hanged in effigy on the 14th of August, 1765. One night, a protester let a crowd which cut down the effigy of Andrew Oliver and they

took it in a funeral procession to the townhouse where the legislature met. From there, they went to Oliver's office, which they tore down and symbolically stamped the timbre. Stamp you. Stamp you. Stamp you. It's so amazing. Next, they took the effigy to Oliver's home at the foot of Fort Hill, where they beheaded

it and then burned Jesus along with Oliver's stable and coach and chase. The sheriff and the lieutenant governor were stoned when they tried to stop the mob, which then looted and destroyed the contents of Oliver's house. Oliver asked to be relieved of his duties the next day. This resignation, however, was not enough. Oliver was ultimately forced by the protesters to be paraded through the streets and to publicly resign under the Liberty Tree. Okay, but one time someone ran Tucker Carlson's doorbell, so you know, thank you.

Pretty wild. Right. It's too. They rang it. We've captured the duly appointed of Pushu and our preparing to lynch him. Yeah. Where should we meet? To Liberty Tree!

Yes. Wait, I'm sorry, the what? To Liberty Tree! Ha-ha! Okay, but that seems a little... Yeah, the kidnapping shrub was taken, doesn't have any opening still Thursday. Right?

Right, and uh... Oh, the... The only bush? Yeah, that one's... That's full too. Damn it. All right, to the Liberty Tree bush. Yeah, that one's that's full too Damn it. All right to the liberty tree Liberty The lieutenant governor also had some protesters. Uh his name was Thomas Hutchinson

A group went to his mansion, so they're already on my good side and then they threw the family out And then destroyed the furniture They tore the walls in the house down to the studs. They threw all the wine into the yard from the wine cellar and then they broke it and she lost home. I guess. Yeah, that's a bit, I mean, this is rolling on a regular punch.

We have that, yeah, we got it. It was added right out. The judges of that one. They dumped this guy's books and papers and for good measure, they threw a rope around the decorative turret on his house or the coupla and they pulled it off like a dermatologist removing a boil. What?

Dude, you need a new dermatologist. That is cool. I guess so. They estimated the damage in today's money is about a quarter million dollars in peaceful protesting. Yeah, right. No, you know, like when I was a kid, these in peaceful protesting. Yeah, right. No, you like when I was a kid, these people were sold as heroes, but now when I picture them, they're wearing mega hats and this is a way.

Right? Right. They did pretty much the same thing to the stamp distributors house in Rhode Island. 2000 people in New York attacked governor's house and burned his coach. There were violent riots and sayings all across the colonies. They had mock funerals for people distributing stamps. They would hang and burn people in effigy. And then there's this famous image of the Sun's Liberty, Tarring and Feathering a Loyalist

while they poured tea into his mouth. And I had no idea, I had this king until I saw this picture. It's crazy. Okay, that really feels like it was a weird last minute addition, right? TARHIM! Better him! No, please spammy! spammy!

And pour D down his mouth. What? Huh? You know, D, the drink'll pour it down his mouth. I mean, that's not really one of the... You guys got to do one. I want to do one too. Okay, that's fine. I guess we have it. That's right. Get ready for some tea, motherfucker.

Oh, I actually like tea. I like it, for the way. Well, well, we're gonna to do it after 5 pm. So you're going to be up super duper late. And you're going to spend the whole time being like, damn, I shouldn't have had that tea so late. No. No. That's such an old guy joke. So we have our younger listeners.

What are you talking about? I just had an espresso before. I'm doing your young brain. So there's also a boycott of goods to at this point. The colonial merchants all got together and decided they were not going to sell goods that I just stamp. And while the politicians in England were super pissed about the oppoty bastard colonists and how dare they and all that, the merchants in England just wanted to sell their goods to the colonists.

So they all complained about the tax too, and the politicians get this guy's caved to big business, and then they repealed the Stamp Act. What a world. I mean, just what a world. It's crazy. You're gonna take our lives, but you'll never take our revenue. And the problem with these taxes and the others, I'm about to mention, is the refrain we

all heard in grade school. No taxation without representation. And that just means that the people in the colonies were sitting over here with a functioning government, taxes from the colony to pay, and they at least could send their representative a message or threaten not to vote for him or even attend to a town hall or something. But when England passes these tax laws, the colonists didn't have anyone in the room to argue for them and they thought it was bullshit. And spoiler alert, we still don't have anyone in the room looking out for most of us.

So just, well, yeah, that's, it's always seen like such a weird flex to me when you think about it, because like, if they'd had a representative, they'd still have gotten tight. Pretty much, you know, yeah. So the rallying crowd was a paraphrase away from we want to be told no through official channels. Yeah. And meanwhile, Puerto Rico was still holding their good thing is is they can wipe up the spillage with those paper towels. The colonists were also pissed because parliament the same year as the Stamp Act passes the quartering act, which required people in the

colonies to house soldiers. They sent over here to make sure we wouldn't get so up it. That meant sort of building barracks for the soldiers, but if they didn't have the proper barracks, the soldiers could just sleep in the tavern or the stables or you're in your house. I mean, it starts with the tax act and now companies are people who are allowed to not believe in birth control. I don't know if it's a slippery slope, but it's definitely a fucking weird slope, right? So more taxes get passed, more people break shit, burn shit, chase British nobles out of their houses to Benny Hill music. Eventually, England's had enough. The colonial secretary, Lord Hillsborough writes a letter to the commander-in-chief

and asked for a deployment of soldiers to Massachusetts. And so they sent two regiments when all the troop shifting was said and done and they took up residence there to keep the peace. Well, but it was Boston, so there was no peace to keep, I mean, for sure. This does also seem like a very weird solution to that problem. Taya, the people are refusing us noges, it plays to live and eat. Outrageous! Send more soldier! But where would they...

More soldier? That's what I said is more... Sold. Monarchy is the future. What did you say? I said off with my head, sir! Yes, it's off with your head! On March 5th, 1770, a 13-year-old wig-maker's apprentice, accused an officer in the British army of refusing

to pay his bill. So a private that was standing guard, walked up to the kid and smacked him in the face to the butt of his gun for resisting. Jesus. Well, pretty soon a mob of antifa rabble rousers surrounded the completely innocent just doing his job soldier. No, no, no, no, I'm pretty sure the kid was white. Okay. innocent just doing his job soldier. No, no, no, no, I'm pretty sure the kid was white. So he was, he was killed.

At a certain point, 50 Bostonians surrounded him and started shouting at him. A bit later, reinforcement soldiers were sent to, I don't know, rescue the guy or antagonize the crowd. Not sure. Anyway, they showed up the crowds about three to 400 people at that point. To be fair, most of them were there because they heard there was free dunking. So now tensions are high. Wait, there's not.

So now tensions are high. And there's no water cannons or tear gas or riot shields, just several armed soldiers with loaded muskets and fixed bayonets. The crowd at this point was all, go ahead and shoot me. I double dog, Mariya. And they started pelting these soldiers with snowballs, the unmitigated gall of it all. It's unbelievable. Once that didn't work, they started to throw shells, which I guess you can just find on the street in Boston. That's what they use for currency there. Oh, okay. Yeah. One of the soldiers gets smacked in the nugget with a rock or something.

He goes down, drops his gun. He gets up super pissed, yells fire and shoots into the crowd. Couple of other soldiers shoot, but most people don't think this was like an organized volley at all. Just some soldiers standing there ground. Eleven total people were hit. Three of them died instantly. Samuel Gray, James Caldwell, and Chrisbus Attix.

Samuel Maverick, another person, died the next day of his wounds, and an Irish immigrant named Patrick Carr died a couple of weeks afterwards. Yeah, I'm sorry. If you die on a mass shooting with a guy named Chrisbus attack us, it'll be so much shit about the next day. That's it. Well, and by the way, if five deaths seem to slow for a mass crush, I should point out

that that's 158 and today I found massacres. Right. Yeah, the exchange rate's pretty big. The media and the colonies had a field day with this. They printed a bunch of very slanted articles with the soldiers lining up to fire a volley, making it look like it was unprovoked. The alchray and the colonies for these soldiers to be tried was unrelenting. So they charge these guys and put them on trial.

But don't worry, all you red lives matter people. They mostly got away with it. In fact, founding father John Adams, the second president of the United States defended them in court as their attorney. Yeah, it's actually all fine. Turns out it was a no knock protest. So I think you must see how you want. And in a wonderful case of what's old is new again, John Adams said to the jury that

this group had provoked the soldiers and that they were quote a Motley rabble of saucy boys, Negroes and molotto Irish teagues and outlandish jacktars and quote slow down see so I'm learning so many new words. Jack Tars. One of the guys that was murdered by the soldiers, some say the first martyr of the revolutionary war was it escape slave, Christmas addicts. Okay, that sounds like a name for a dust flavored cereal. That's all that.

Yeah. Let's say not have two bowls, but I would have it. I definitely would too. Adams said that his murder was totally justified because he was quote, a stout Milato fellow whose very looks was enough to terrify any person. Jesus Christ. Plus he was in a charging, charging, charging, lean over. And of the eight soldiers that were charged, six were acquitted and two were charged a manslaughter. That's a pretty terrible batting average when you consider that they all would have got to go fund me today. So wouldn't. All right. Well, while Twitter explains to Cecil that Krispy Kreme, Attic hats had not

won the two parking tickets. We're gonna take a quick break, but it's something we call apropos of nothing. You heard about the founder of our great nation. These taxes are outrageous! How will I feed my children? But you've never seen it like this. Oh, I know how you feed your fucking children. They can eat LEN. Mark Wahlberg, it. The one British soldier who's pep.

Woh, pep. Excuse me, sir. You forgot to pay for that wig. Oh, someone's gonna pay for this fucking wig, alright. But it's not gonna be me. You can't fucking shoot all the fucking colonists, babe! They're gonna cut you up into pieces and stuff. Fucking thing!

Don't you tell me what the fuck can do? I'll shoot every fucking colonist in the world. You know what I'm fucking shootin'! I'll fucking shoot. I'll fucking call it. I'll fucking do what I want! This sum... The Minuteman. And don't draw the fucking tea in the fucking water! I have in my girls overlaid it for fucking tea sandwiches you asshole!

Letta want to small tea sandwiches with the cucumbers. And we're back. When we left off, soldiers were killing unarmed citizens and getting away with it. So, let's see, was it doing a citation needed, I say? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, what happened next?

That's so neat. So, needless to say, that acquittal shit did not go over well with the colonists. They were pissed and England responded with more taxes because it works so fucking well last time. Yeah. Well, then you can fuck yourself even harder. Was there a universal colonial policy? This time the taxes were on T. The current T situation was that the colonists had to buy from the biggest corporation of all time and almost certainly a future citation needed

show, the British East India Company. of all time and almost certainly a future citation needed show. Right. The British East India Company. Yeah, Cecil's not kidding. Google would tell the BIC to relax and let some competition drive the market. You know, if it seems like getting upset about T is like a much to do about nothing. As someone who has tried and failed to get a decent fucking cup of cold brew on three continents, I can understand that. Okay.

This was the only authorized seller of tea in the colonies and the colonists had to pay two pennies per pound for tea as tax. Well, if you thought stamping shit and making a cost more money was a bad idea, this whole tea thing was on another level. And tea was one of, if not the most consumed beverage in the colonies. And today it isn't in America. So that tells you where this is going. Oh, so I'm excited to hear about the taxes on deodorant and manners that happened to us. I'm not sure how good you thought people smelled in the 1700s. Eli, but as to manners, I'm sorry to diverge here, but this is a quote from an actual guide to

etiquette, from an actual guide to table etiquette, circus 1770 quote, put not another bite into your mouth till the former be swallowed. And quote, not exactly manoring at a high level. The next one tells you not to kill any bugs while everyone's watching. And of course, this is happening before the era of fast communication. So the fastest you could hear about something from Europe is as fast as a ship could sail. So they hear about this fucking outrageous T act. And the moment they hear about it, the colonists find out that there's a very large ship

and of T on its way over right now. 600,000 pounds, the weight, not the currency, of tea was loaded onto seven East India companies ships. And to make matters worse, they sent four of the sevens to the place that really hates England the most. Boston. The others were sent to Charleston, Philadelphia, New York. Okay, so I just looked this up and it's recommended to you use about three grams of tea per cup. So 600,000 pounds of tea is, and I am not making this up, 90,600,000 cups of tea. What?

There were 16,000 colonies at the time in that area. That is 5,662 cups of tea per colonist or 15 cups per person per day for a year. A number which my wife assures me is perfectly reasonable. So the Sun's Eliberty, the group I mentioned earlier, was a group of colonial beat poets that had opened Mike Knights every Thursday in the ends all across the colonies. They were led by an animate beer bottle named Sam Adams. Okay, all right.

Okay. None of that's true, but I would watch the hell out of that cartoon. I know you guys don't watch the hell out of that cartoon. What they were was a group of people who got together to bitch about taxes. So like a country club, but they let anybody join. Anyway, the sons of liberty started to spread word across the colonies to not let the ships dock and unload. Also on those boats, a bunch of PS5s, trust us.

That's true. And the final code for Cyberpunk 2777 is on that boat. I will point out too that some merchants were super pissed about this T act two. This basically gave the team an op-related, the East India company and it put other importers that weren't under their umbrella ought to work. So there was a lot of support from all different kinds of colonists for these protests. And that also doesn't even mention the smuggling that was going on because they were smuggling too at the time and that was pissing off the British.

They got the people in the cities in New York, Philadelphia, and Charleston to basically send back the tea to England. The only colony that did not send the tea back was, well, you guessed it, Massachusetts. The boats docked and the tea was left on board. I guess they took off everything but the tea. And the protesters had armed protesters at the docks patrolling to make sure that no one brought it on shore. I really want to see those customs searches.

Open the fucking bag bro. But I've got nothing. I said open the fucking bag. Boy, here, here, look what's this? It's heroin, it's from my children's breakfast cereal. Okay, okay. There. Foyne! Here! Here! Look! What's this? It's heroin! It's from my children's breakfast cereal! Okay.

Okay. And this? It's okay. My wife gets headaches. Alright. Well then I guess you'll just... What's this? I...

How did that get in the... Lipton. Fucking fucking boy. AHHHH Ah! Ah! Ah! For our non-USListner, Slipton is a brand of TV. Ah! The brand of TV. We have a little bit of heroin.

It's not a breakfast cereal. Yeah. Ah! Ah! That's what he's not on the table. We were lucky to be. Ah! He's won't be back for 180 days.

He has to learn that it is not a breakfast seat. It was a long learning. Sun's a liberty gathered in a meeting house with a crowd of about 500 people. They were all dead set on sending the tea back to England so they agreed on a resolution that they signed and sent to the governor. Now, we met the governor earlier in our story

when that group of peaceful protesters tore out his walls and threw a shit on his lawn and stomped on it. He considered the suggestion of the group to send the ship back to England and then he told them to fuck off. Oh, you want me to send the T back? Hey, that's a great idea. Let me just write. You stomped on it. Well, then two more ships that had tea on it came into the harbor. It's the last day for the ship to turn around. I guess back then they had some kind of weird note takes these backsees, five second rule on imported goods.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We hate not to follow all the rules in protocol at this late stage. Yeah. Well, it's the governor who's following up the gist of all this is that the governor wanted the ship to stay to pay duties on the imported goods and the people wanted the ship to go because, you know, fucked the police. And this was the last day before the cargo could be seized by the governor, which was actually 247 years ago today. Huh. It's amazing how jingoistic. We're still able to get over that time. We care and our way into independence. Exactly what it is. We just asked to speak to the manager.

That was a fucking musket. Anyway, that small ass meeting of 500 people when one boat was getting ready to unload was nothing. That night at the same meeting house out of a town with a population of 16,000 people, six to 7,000 people showed up at the meeting to get super mad together. The governor refused to send the ships back to England. So Adams, Sam Adams, not John Adams, one was president, the other was in the Sun's Liberty, Eli, pay attention. Want to be ready, I, not John Adams. One was president. The other was

in the Sun's Liberty Eli pay attention. Once a beer. Thank you. Get's on a table and he says quote, this meeting can do nothing further to save the country and quote, any winks really obviously at the crowd and he leaves. And he didn't have an old timey C. Siller know it and ended out what he suggested once they got outside. So yeah, he party.

Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, but there was that one guy who just misunderstood what everything was about. So he just fun himself sitting alone at home with a table full of teddy bears feeling very good. Look at it. He party is this. I didn't.

I misunderstood. He and his son's a liberty go to get ready to cause a little hack now. They plan to head to the harbor, but they had to get spiffed of first. They put on black or red face, and then they stick feather head dresses on, and then they march to the dock. When they get there, they take all the tea, 340 chests worth, which weighed about 92,000 pounds, and it was worth about $1.7 million in today's money, and they threw it into the ocean. Oh, guys, this is just bad ass.

But this isn't going to cause a future to name our grand gesture of independence after an offense synonymous with four-year-old girls playing pretendism. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Well, they needed to disguise themselves, and I guess the Mohawk was symbolic in some way. It's not clear. Same guys before. Guys, if we are careful, this part of American history could be not racist. Any ideas? Okay, and this is also important. This is mostly symbolic, so we need to strike a tone of racist, plausible.

That's exactly right. That's way better than eat plural. But soon. So remember when I said there were four ships, well, there were four. They only destroyed the T on three of them. So they find out that one of them, the William, ran a ground in Cape Cod. Immersed accidentally in seawater and it's still tasted better than Arizona. And not a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah and not a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a lot better. So it was unloaded, the tea was taxed and people bought it. The sun's a liberty, track the tea to a warehouse in Boston, broke into it and ruined every bit of it that they could find. The stuff that was sold to a private reseller was also found. And they broke into that guy shop dressed again in blackface with feather headdresses and then they threw that tea into the harbor.

To show up at his customers houses going like, Hey, I need to break your tea pot. Sorry. It's a we're doing a whole thing. It's for history. So the Mohawk thing and the involvement of Sam Adams is disputed, but it's a comment tale told to everyone. And this is from a competing quote, whether or not Samuel Adams helped plan the Boston Tea Party, he immediately worked to publicize and defend it.

He argued that the Tea Party was not the act of a lawless mob, but was instead a principled protest and the only remaining option that people had to defend their constitutional rights. Yeah, and if you still have a problem with it, maybe it was india. John Adams, the lawyer that got six of the eight British soldiers acquitted for opening fire on a crowd of colonists wrote about what would become the Boston Tea Party in a journal the day after it occurred.

Quote, last night, three cargoes of tea were emptied into the sea. This morning, a man of war sales. This is the most magnificent movement of all. There is a dignity, a majesty, a sublimity in this last effort of the patriots that I greatly admire. The people should never rise without doing something to be remembered, something notable and striking. This destruction of tea is so bold, I mean, it's only bold

if you put enough tea in there, I guess. So dare you. So steep. So firm. Intrepid and inflexible. It must have so important consequences and so lasting that I can't but consider it as an epoch in history. Less than a year and a half later, the Revolutionary War would officially begin. And if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, Cecil, what would it be? Shooting protesters and destroying property when you protest are both originalist sances. So Amy Coney Maritz heads gonna explode one day guys. Guarantee. Oh, okay.

Clean. Clean. Clean. I'll be a kid. Clean. Clean. Cut out with Eli. Hey Eli, why don't you ask if I'm ready for the quiz?

As a, you're ready for the clean cut. That thing you just said. No, no, no, no shit. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. It's internally. That's God damn. Is there more? Yeah, there's more. I have to get that way early because that's what everyone was going to be expecting. Okay. Good Lord. Be George W. Bush with our mortgages See James M. Hoppin a snowball puddle size of congressional carpeting or D Donald Trump an a pair of Moscow processes And dear so good I gotta go with a though that's so shocking it was beautiful. It was just a thing a beauty that was correct It was a was all downhill from there

It was beautiful. It was just a thing of beauty. That was correct. It was a it was all down hard. All right. Cecil Boston Tea Party was more successful than which lesser known tea related protests. Hey, the Darjeeling Limited. B, the night of Ulong Nguyen. That one's good. C, Ceylon suckers or D, herl gray. Fantastic. I gotta go with, I'm gonna go with B, night of Oolong Nod. This is really a very old time. Barrel done. Which one of the better Nazi jokes that we've had? Yeah, I mean, it's a great Nazi joke. You got all of a good Nazi joke. I'm gonna wrote the whole thing for herl gray, but I mean, I'll take it.

Oolong Nod. It's fine. It's fine. All right, Cecil, I'm planning my own tea party against the final days of the Trump administration. It's a bad idea. What should I dump into the Boston Harbor to get my message across? A, the flip-flops on buns, people call Chick-fil-A sandwiches. Yes. C, all these mail-in ballots for Trump. I found hidden in Hugo Chavez.

Is this crazy? Or see Randy Quaid. Oh, God. Secret answer D, all of the fucking of death. That is correct. And that means nobody stumped you Cecil. So you are this week's winner. All right. Well, why don't we see if we can get Tom's hand out

of his pocket and he can become verbal again and do an essay next week. All right. That's no promise. All right. Well, for Tom, Cecil. And no one on the line boss. Thank you for hanging out with us today.

We'll be back next week. And by then, Tom will be an expert on something else. And he's finished. He'll be so back on, and by then, Tom will be an expert on something else. And he's painted so bad back on. Yeah, and he'll also be here, yeah. Yeah. Between now and then, you can listen to Noan and I make fun of movies on God-offal movies, religion on the scathing atheist, politics on the Sceptocrat, and Dyson D&D Minus. And you can hear Tom and Cecil make fun of whatever the fuck they want over on God-offal

shows. This. If you haven't already found Cecil's new cooking show on YouTube, season liberally, it's actually really, really good. And I like how surprised he sounds. I knew it sounds like one of the bits. We do it at the end of the show where we make up a show that we're doing, but Tuesday has a cooking show.

It's great. It's on YouTube. It was called season liberally. Anyways, if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. Or, even so five-star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out fast episodes, tonight with us on social media, or check the show notes, be sure to check out citation pod dot com.

You know fucking talk to me right there in front of my fucking girls. I fucked them out of fuck I want when they come into my house. Oh, I fuck you. You just got a tiny little fucking thing. What a fuck. We're just gonna take this tea then and get out of here. Yeah, whatever fucking tea. Fucking you. I'm fucking you.

I know you. I know you. I know you. I know you. I know you. I know you. I know you. I know you. I know you.

I know you. I know you will, you'll be the Chinese guys every weekend!