Citation Needed - The Death of Princess Diana

Episode Date: November 27, 2019

In the early hours of 31 August 1997, Diana, Princess of Wales died in hospital after being injured in a car crash in a road tunnel in Paris, France. Her partner, Dodi Fayed, and their driver, Henri Paul, were pronounced dead at the scene. Their bodyguard, Trevor Rees-Jones, survived serious injuries. --- Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

Hey, it was fine. Just fine. Yeah, but as a Joker, he was incredible. I mean, yeah, but did you see you were never really here? Oh, so good. Because the angle doesn't make sense. Yes, exactly. I'll go get the thing.

I'll go get the thing. Jesus, what the fuck happened here? Is this all Lucinda's yarn? Dude, she's gonna kill you guys. Oh, no, this, this Noah is the internet. No, no, no, I think the internet, that's on a computer, I think. Silly, silly Tom, sweet, Tom, no.

This is the connection of the internet. So, you know how Eli and I are always unraveling Noah and Cecil's lies constantly? We have to do that. That's not what happens. You said the moon wasn't real, too. I don't listen to the shows. I wouldn't have seen anybody else. Yeah, okay.

Well, this is the connection between all of them, all those lies, 9-11, the moon landing, Finland. Thank you. Princess Diana. The source of 9-11 is Princess Diana. Yes, Princess Diana, that is the link exactly. Oh, okay, he's before you go any further, Princess Diana was an important public figure to a lot of people, right? Like, she was the first member of the royal family.

A lot of people could relate to. She was personable and dealt with her own demons in some very brave and public ways. So whatever you do, just, just do it tastefully, okay? Tastefully. Yeah. No, for sure. Yep. Absolutely. Okay. Are you got it? So grocery store would not sell me any spoiled cantaloupe, but they did let me read the dumpster. So I got some nice. I got the shell, I quit, I quit. Tasteful melons. See, it's more real tasteful.

Tasteful. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject to read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we are experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Cecil, and I'll be reluctantly hosting this episode of the QAnon story hour, but I couldn't do it alone. I'm joining you here, two guys that wish that they could remain anonymous too, Tom and Noah. Okay, yeah, but there's no way to remain anonymous when you have to introduce yourself, neighbor by neighbor by law. That's the one I thought was drinking with Eli. That's bullshit. Yeah, fair.

Yeah, see, so here I am, just wish I could be anonymous, sitting around with my normal human real name, no one really feels like this. Wishing, pining for anonymity. Also joining us tonight, the Chuck Tangle of Conspiracy Theories and his mentor Keith and Eli when you can snatch the truth from the Yik Yak then you will be Is no truth in there hounded in the Yik by my own Yak it's selling

Yeah All right patrons without your support he Heath could not afford the amount of Coke it takes to write something like this. Think of it. As a modern day fraud. I mean, I mean, Freud, whoops, fraudulent slip, what do you know? Anyway, buy Heath drugs and this is what you get.

And if you'd like to learn how to help Heath score more paranoia powder, stick around till the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Noah, what person-place-thing concept phenomenon or event will we be talking about today? Well, I don't know what you and I will be talking about, Cecil, but the rest of these assholes are gonna be you talking about the death of Princess Diana.

Murder of Princess Diana, exactly. Stop. Jesus and Heath, you crushed up some Adderall, snorted it and talked to yourself for a few days. Are you ready to help us understand your vision quest? Please say no. Yes. I find it. No, I hate to disappoint you.

There were no drugs involved in it. This was just me and a sober inquiry of the facts. See, so I cannot believe that. That does not equate. I cannot believe that. That's not something you should brag about, right? All right. Keith.

Who was Princess Diana? Princess Diana was a member of the British royal family, a philanthropist, humanitarian activist, fashion icon, the first wife of heir apparent to the throne, Prince Charles, the mother of Prince William and Prince Henry, and probably a murder victim thanks to a giant conspiracy. Or she just died in a car accident and the entire royal family hated her for making them look bad in a very convenient coincidence. One of those two things.

That's the latter. Now, to be fair, multiple government investigations found it was the boring second thing I said, bun, nerds. Exactly, boom nerds. Also, that's exactly what those investigations would find, wouldn't they? So, we're going to let you be the judge audience, because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. Nope, that's not, you just quit. I'm done, I quit the show, I quit. I mean, Cecil to be fair, that is how it works. Yep, now though, I mean, it doesn't actually work. Yeah, right. Maybe we should update our tagline to just,

and that's how it is now. Right. Right. It wouldn't say I've been missing it, but yeah. So, before we get into the whole story, let's start with some proper nomenclature. Oh, yes. If we're being official, Princess Diana was actually never technically Princess Diana,

according to the British Royal naming system, although she was a princess and her name was Diana. So, system's pretty stupid, but this is how it works. She was born as Diana, Francis Spencer, the daughter of Edward John Spencer, eighth Earl Spencer, Viscount author, and his wife, Francis Ruth Shand Kid, Ney Roche, Viscountess author. Okay, go ahead and say it now. I don't give a fuck what their naming convention is

because they're clearly doing it wrong. They should be listening to ours. The business card is like a CVS receipt Well the second one it's very clear they go from least crazy name you have to not a name anymore Okay, well just let me finish it doesn't make sense yet Here's the rest of those details. In 1981, Diana married Charles Philip Arthur George, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothsay, Prince of Wales, and his mom is Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor, Queen Elizabeth II, Queen of the United Kingdom,

Queen of Canada, Queen of Australia, Queen of the other 13 realms. Queen of the United Kingdom, Queen of Canada, Queen of Australia, Queen of the other 13 realms. And owner of pretty much all the swans. And when you handle all that together, that means Diana became her royal highness, the Princess of Wales, Duchess of Rathsay, and Colonel and Chief of the Royal Hampshire Regiment, the Princess of Wales, Royal Regiment, the Princess of Wales Royal Regiment, and the light dragons. So I haven't finished.

There you go. It's mother of dragons for short, actually. Before your Royal England gives you whales as an introductory gift basket. That's nice, isn't it, right? Prince Harry and David. You know, maybe if England had spent a little less time adding names to everyone, like they were a fucking pregnant teenager

at a keen cineara, and more time accidentally making one palatable meal, Diana's driver wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get her ass over to Chick-fil-A. Okay. All right. And one other detail to establish before we get into the extremely convenient accident on the way to that Chick-fil-A is the idea of royal succession to the British throne.

Their system is insane. It's based on centuries of just weird old, timey rules written by weird subtle variations of in bread bigots combined with a few modern attempts at fixing it, but it's still ridiculous. The line of heirs to the throne is determined by family line, legitimacy, religion, and gender, which is basically a nice way of saying it's a combination of failed eugenics, a violent argument about the rules of magic, the gathering, and also the rules of a backyard with football game that's been going for thousands of years and a rubric from a Kennel Club dog show with extra points for posture and crotch feel plus misogyny. It's a big points off for being a uterus haver. They haven't they didn't fix that until I think anybody born

before 2013 big points off for being a uterus haver. That spreads to all humanity. Big points off for being a uterus haver. You're like, if the other 27 countries had voted that they had to leave, it would all make sense to me, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. So, Diana was not in line to be queen because of that royal succession thing, but she was married to Charles, who's first in line to be the next king,

and her two kids are both in the top six for that. Which meant that any tiny scandal involving Diana would make the whole royal family look bad. For example, if she had a whole bunch of extra marital affairs while Charles was doing the exact same thing and then got divorced and then started fucking super wealthy Muslim guys with possible plans to get remarried and have more kids. That would potentially embarrass the old people in

the castles and that's exactly what happened. Okay, the only part of that plan I disapprove of is the more kids portion. The rest sounds great. Millennials today and their Kardashians, in my day, we were mad when a princess rode horses with a tennis player. That was a scandal. Just fucking lost our shit over that. The story of Diana's murder death kill really gets started in November of 1995.

That's when she did a big TV interview on BBC, talking about all the affairs that she and Charles were both having and also describing some of her mental health problems. Apparently, none of that stuff was acceptable princess behavior. So the Queen of England, Elizabeth II, sent letters to Charles in Diana telling them that they were getting divorced in letters. And Charles wrote back right away saying, okay, mom, we'll do. Sorry. We'll get divorced. Again, a letter. And after some negotiation, Diana eventually agreed to the divorce as well. Okay. But in the Queen's defense, she had to be like, yeah, Charles, you are eight generations away from the Battle of Agent Call and one generation away from my mummy bringing me outside during the bombing of fucking Dresden.

So, maybe don't go on the goddamn mori show. Love the Queen. You sit there watching this interview at home going, oh now she has no issue with land mines, okay. All right. Yeah, so the divorce was finalized in the summer of 96 with Diana receiving a lump sum of 17 million pounds plus 400,000 pounds a year for the rest of her life. Charles got off easy, whatever.

Just however long that life might be. And the final settlement also included a non-disclosure agreement that said no talking about the marriage translation. Charles has a really weird penis shape. That's definitely what that means, right? Like, I don't know. A lizard, like it looks like an actual lizard. I was thinking I was thinking a lizard.

I was thinking a little Prince Charles that had like a fractal penis. That looked like a little Prince Charles too. A peninsula. I was thinking lobster, but with the shell off, like buster from a rested day. Oh, Prince Albert would be a little ironic.

Just, oh, and that's fantastic. And of course, there was a legal document to settle her royal title name change with Diana being officially stripped of the royal highness part. In response, her son, Prince William, told her, don't worry, I'll give you back that full title when I become King and you're definitely still alive to see that, so you'll get to be, well, Hines again. Following the divorce, Diana started dating

the perfect rebound spite man. This was, Haznott Khan. He's one of the world's best heart and lung surgeons. He's Muslim, and he has a good deal of melanin. So like right in Charles's face, all that stuff, all the stuff Charles is not. And eventually that relationship with Hazznot Khan ended though.

And during the summer of 1997, Diana started seeing Dodie Fayed, the son of the Egyptian billionaire, Muhammad Alphide. Oh, weird side note. When I worked at Hamles of London, Alphide was the owner and he used to throw this giant Christmas party with awesome food and an open bar in the store at Christmas. But that was the only time anybody ever got to saw him because he wouldn't attend the party, but he would end the party by getting on stage

that he had erected and singing my way by Frank Sinatra. I can't believe it. The thing about Eli's stories are like the little details and how none of them are probably true. Like I, it's hard. It's hard to know. It's hard to know. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That was just Eli singing Sinatra. All right. Nobody watching him at that Christmas party. Yeah. So this, this courtship with Dodie Feid, it seemed to ramp up pretty quickly with rumors of marriage and a baby right away, but it all came to an end on August 31st when they

both died in a car crash in Paris, France. Their driver on Repal also died in a car crash in Paris, France. Their driver, Henri Paul, also died in that crash. The only survivor from their vehicle was Bodyguard Trevor Reese Jones, who allegedly bumped his head and very conveniently can't really remember anything about the incident now, all of a sudden. Can you imagine being that bodyguard? I mean, he wakes up, he just looks around at the bloody rack, He's like, oh, I had one job. I had, oh, yeah. I'm being so much trouble trying to do a slow motion dive. This isn't how it was. I just want to point out that right now,

Cecil's taking note of the exact minute where Heath himself described blows to the head as convenience. So here's the seek they were convenient. Here's the sequence of events on the day leading up to the crash. Dodie and Diana were staying at the hotel ritz in Paris on the night of August 30th on their way back to London in a private jet after a yachting vacation in the French and Italian Riviera. But you try to build up some sympathy anyway. They're about to die. So they get settled into their penthouse suite and Dodi goes out by himself

to look at extremely expensive wedding rings at a non-huller. And no, not helping. And according to several authors and also the highly reputable middle market tabloid daily express, Dodie was planning to propose to Diana the very next day. And the only people who could have known that were either very close friends and family, or an elaborate network of murdery spots. An elaborate network of murdery spots.

Exactly, yes. Those are the only two options. Either way, either way, Eli gets it. of murdery spots. The Labyrinth Network of Murdery Spies. Exactly. Yeah. Those are the only two options. Either way, either way, Eli gets it. Think about surveillance footage from that jeweler was later reviewed. It showed Dodie leaving without a ring. But according to Dodie's father, the couple was planning to announce their engagement on September 1.

There was no evidence of any preparation for a giant media event like that, and this was one of about 175 different conspiracy elements that were floated by Muhammad al-Fayed, but still very convenient timing, I would say. All of this. Okay, just back up to the beginning a little bit. You know what I love?

I love when rich people without real jobs come back from vacation. Like rights. What the fuck does that even mean? Your whole life is the vacation. You came back to vacation from vacation. What are you talking about? What is Tom's job, I wonder?

I don't get what Tom's job is. Vacation. No, it's not. So, Doty gets back to the hotel. And slightly after midnight on August 31st, the couple decides to go for a ride somewhere. Allegedly. Maybe to swim in a diamond-crusted pool of homeless tears or bow hunt some orphans in a hedge maze. Whatever would people do in their board? I don't know Tom, what'd you do yesterday? I had a hedge maze, it was all heckin' good.

Yeah, well, I mean, so my day off from my other days off, fuck you, what'd you do? So they call down to the front desk and have the hotel, get a member Sadie's and a chauffeur for their ride. Man, I am not utilizing the front desk properly when I stay in hotels, right? And then it's just real easy. The lady had to comfort in and just seemed like she had no idea

what the fuck I was talking about. She didn't know where Chick-fil-A was. She knew that right away. I could barely hear through that glass that separates us from the camera. She had to scream at me. So they get the car from the front desk and the driver they chose was Henri Paul, the

deputy security director for the hotel, and a notoriously problematic drinker who was also taking prescription medication that you're not supposed to combine with alcohol. He's possibly also an asset of MI6. We'll get there. We're going to circle back. Well, we though, you're saying that before Cecil edits this. So will we? Yeah. Circle back.

We'll circle back. So Mr. Paul pulls the car around and parks it at the rear entrance to the hotel. Meanwhile, a decoy vehicle leaves from the front hoping to pull away some paparazzi. And while that's all happening, Henri Paul has a few more drinks and tells a bunch of other paparazzi. And while that's all happening, Henri Paul, as a few more drinks, and tells a bunch of other paparazzi to go fuck themselves and yells at them, with kind of ruins the

decoy, kind of Paul's young attention. And then at 1220 AM, Henri Paul finally drives away with Diana and Dodie and a trail of angry paparazzi on motorcycles following close behind. And it looked like the opening scene from Fury Road just a bunch of paparazzi on fishing poles swaying over their cars, taking photos. Okay, Cesar, I do not think the motorcycle cannibals from Fury Road deserve to be compared to paparazzi. I mean, come on, let's not. I was trying to make a living out there.

The car has Henri Paul driving, bodyguard Trevor Ries Jones in the passenger seat and Diana and Dodie are in the back. Around 12.23 a.m. Mr. Paul drove into the Alma Bridge tunnel, allegedly about 105 kilometers an hour or about 65 miles an hour, you know, like you do when you're drunk driving in a tunnel. And he quickly lost control of the vehicle, crashing head on into a pillar. That's when a bunch of the paparazzi on motorcycles

swarmed the wreck. Some of them were decent in human beings who tried to help and others were just taking pictures so they could sell them to magazines, pictures of the dead people and the crash scene. One of the picture takers actually got beaten by other witnesses for not helping, which kind of made me happy.

I'm just glad that this was a pre-snap chat, atrocity otherwise the last images of Diana would be her bloody corpse strewn across the road with funny dog ears. Oh shit, that would have been amazing. Yeah, right, right. No, we can still make that happen actually. But I don't understand this system.

Like, wouldn't you have to beat up all the people that didn't help the guy that the witnesses were beaten up for not helping and then all the people that didn't help them? This seems like an inefficient system. It's a very least. All right, and side note on these photos, eventually seven paparazzi were taken into custody by police and about 20 rolls of film were confiscated. And in a giant coincidence, none of the 10 traffic cameras along the route from the hotel

to the tunnel or in the tunnel were able to provide any footage. One of those cameras was controlled by the Paris Urban Traffic Unit, but turns out they turned off the recording at 11 p.m. So thanks to this very convenient set of anomalies, those 20 rolls of paparazzi photos were the only photographic evidence of the immediate aftermath of the wreck. Interesting, is it not?

Interesting, I mean, 20 rolls of film is not no film. That's 20 rolls of film. But they were confiscated and never released. Interesting, right? Okay. least. Interesting. So the crash killed Dodie Fyade and Henri Paul almost immediately. Allegedly. Like Diana and the box. No, that's not alleged. You're, don't, sorry. I was trying to help. I was trying to do the whole thing. Just let it. Okay. Cool guy. So, yeah. Fyade and Paul, they're dead almost immediately. But Diana and the body guy are still alive.

Okay. Too much. Sorry, it's all me. Don't cheat or let you do the thing there. And I'll just, yeah, I'll let you know. Oh, got it. Great. So Diana and the bodyguard are still alive when the first set of witnesses approached the vehicle. The first person to touch Diana was Dr. Frederick Maiez.

What was there a line that there were multiple people that took this. I guess. She's like the Blarnie Stone. They're just a line of justice. Something like that. Well, this doctor, Dr. Maiez, was driving the opposite direction in the tunnel

and saw the crash happen. He was the first one to try to help her, I guess. According to his account, Diana didn't have any major injuries that were visible. And he later told reporters, quote, she looked pretty fine. He also added, I thought this woman had a chance and quote, in his expert medical opinion, no visible injuries, she had a chance. Very interesting. Yeah. Right. Yeah. No. I mean, if it happens inside the body where you can't see it, it doesn't count.

That's why coming inside someone doesn't produce a baby. Yeah, right. Right. Uh, that's not true. That's not true. Like, fool me once, shame on you. Yeah. That's the first mention of my unborn child on air.

Yeah. Yeah. Really lovely way. I've just decided to hold the next time I do this. So speaking of Princess Diana and unborn children, yeah. The police arrived about, yeah, we'll get there in a second. The police arrived about 10 minutes after the crash, quickly followed by ambulances.

One ambulance took Dodie Fied and Henri Paul directly to the Paris mortuary. And another one took Princess Diana still alive. And it apparently just hung out there for a while. She was placed in the ambulance at 118 AM, then they apparently argued about the appropriate music for 23 minutes, carry a very injured royalty person. I don't know.

And then they finally left the hospital at 141 a.m. arriving at 206 a.m. Now, according to the boring story, all those times made sense. Something about cardiac arrest, CPR, blood, blood, and nerd. But if you ask Dr. Christian Barnard, the surgeon who performed the very first heart transplant in history, he'll tell you that the ambulance obviously should have taken her straight to the hospital and she would have been likely to survive. He probably wouldn't use the phrase murder conspiracy in his explanation, but his eyes would imply it.

And that's the tone I got from reading his statements about this. Right. But if you ask renowned surgeon Ben Carson, the pyram were salt shakers. So yeah, that makes sense Plus eventually that footage was released it turns out that extra 23 minutes were just both of the paramedics going no no after you Commenting in English So they finally get to the end of the hospital But despite several more efforts at keeping her heart going, including something called Internal Cardiac Massage, which sounds completely made up or possibly code for a sex thing,

but not a real thing. It's not. It's not. Despite all that, she was declared dead at four o'clock in the morning, at which point the entire United Kingdom lost its mind. And this included literally millions of people bringing flowers to her London residence at Kensington Palace. Within 10 days, there was a pile of flowers way bigger than Trump's inaugural crowd.

Because we're stacked at five feet deep across what looks like about an acre of gardens. And the bottom layer actually started composting. When they eventually had to clean this up, the official estimate was 15 tons of flowers, which is exactly the kind of flower pile you'd want if you secretly killed a princess. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I feel like picturing a mourner is like, man, I feel terrible, I gotta get her something, chocolates. No, can't you, dead stupid, that's just stupid. Teddy bear, no, infantilizing, no, no, no, flowers, I'll get her flat, I bet nobody, oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. So during this very sad morning time,

one Italian tourist actually tried to steal a teddy bear from the big pile, Tom, they actually did bring some teddy bears. Um, this tourist got sentenced to a week in jail, appealed the sentence, got it reduced to a fine, and then got punched in the face by an angry Diana fanatic as he was leaving in the course. And this beautiful juxtaposition of a footballooligan, a princess, and a stuffed animal was one of the more British things to ever have.

So I kind of like that part, that's the way it's true. So a couple of rich people died in a car accident. Okay, let's see where these push pins and twine lead us. Let's take a break for a little apropos and nothing. Well, evening, gentlemen. Your house. My queen. The problem of Diana has become too much to ignore. It's time she be...

taken care of. I see, my queen. What exactly did you have in mind? Do we have any... spies in her circle? Yes, my queen. What exactly did you have in mind? Do we have any spies in her circle? Yes, my queen. Gold, tell them to become alcoholics. Alcoholics? Yes, that way, when the moment is right, they can kill themselves against an unwatched pillar and take out the princess. So we need a spy slash suicide? Barma, I don't... Precisely.

With that gentleman in place, it will be child's play to find a totally unmonetored patch of road for the accident. What? Um... Will it? Yes. Then all we do is send in our murdered ambulance and we are ready for our final. Sorry, your Highness. Murder ambulance?

Yes, it looks and sounds like an ambulance, but it actually finishes her off in case the car crash does not. Oh, murder, murder ambulance. got it, got it. Then all that's left to do is confiscate all photographic evidence in the most public event in British history and no one will be the wiser. Right, right, my queen, but if I may ask, why, why what? Well why go through all this trouble? Why murder all these people? To maintain the dignity of the Royal Family, gentlemen.

To maintain dignity. Your uncle asked Hitler to take over the country. You had a six year affair with a woman so public, the King of France gave you matching dresses. Your dad killed the guy with his car. Your son told a television channel that Jewish pharmacy conspiracies were holding back home a pathic truth. Still...

...signity. Well, when we left off, we were a Monday morning quarterbacking chauffeur's police camera operator, ZMT's in a hospital. Anything else on the list here, Heath? Okay, so we talked about the day of the crash and we got into the beginnings of the conspiracy theories or explanations of the facts or conspiracy theories. And now we'll get into the Eli. Did you want to jump in here?

Oh, allegedly. Yay. Okay. Nope. You're not doing that. All right. So now we're going to get into the other major holes in the official story.

Getting their holes. Most of which, there we go. Okay. We need to rehearse this ahead next time because we're not in sync. Return my emails. No. So we're gonna get into the other major holes of the official story, most of which are still being pointed out

by Muhammad al-Fayed, who is quite certain the British royal family killed Diana and his son. Okay, I mean, to be fair, the British do kill a lot of Muslims. This isn't entirely out of bounds. Yeah, no, that's a good go to. Yeah. Well, yeah mean to be fair, they're British do kill a lot of Muslims. This isn't entirely out of bounds. Yeah, no, it's a good go-to. Yeah. Well, yeah, you know what they say about grieving public figures, they make the best sources. Very accurate. Yeah, exactly.

So we'll start with this Henri Paul character, who actually might have been a spy or a patty for a team of spies. At the time of his death, he had about 170,000 pounds across 15 different bank accounts. And over the last eight months of his life, he deposited about 43,000 pounds mostly in cash. That is not the standard pay schedule or pay type of employees at the hotel ritz or pretty much anyone who's not a spy. That's not how you would get paid. And follow up on this Henri Paul thing.

There's also a theory that says he wasn't actually drunk. Instead his body got swapped out by British spies fuck with another body right after the crash. Since the airbags in the front both deployed, it would make sense that the bodyguard in the passenger seat wouldn't be the only survivor. So Mr. Paul was probably fine. And one of the paparazzi who showed up right away was actually MI6.

And you know, he was humming a dead body that looked like Paul. Yeah. Perhaps a suicide victim. Sure. They had lying around at MI6 with plenty of alcohol in his system. And the MI6 guy snuck that other body into the car and snuck Paul out, been pommed him and snuck it. And then they tested the corpse for alcohol to go along with their official story of a normal drunken crash, the test came up at three times the legal limit. And the evidence for this theory is that it's totally possible.

If you could pull a new body out of your sleeve, then Eli would have done that a long time ago so he could stop shitting blood. I mean, come on. Okay. Jokes, when you see so I am producing a new body ago so we could stop shitting blood. I mean, come on. Okay, jokes on you, C. So I am producing a new body. I'm just doing it blood first and it should be my greatest illusion. I mean, it's yes to save that blood for later.

Still, where did the blood come from? Yeah. And another big claim from Muhammad al-Fayed was that Diana was pregnant at the time of her death and Dodi was the father. And according to several staff members at Muhammad's villa in Paris, Diana and Dodi had visited that house the day before the crash in order to meet with a fancy interior designer and pick out a room for the baby. But this was later contradicted by a security guard named

Ruben Morell, who claimed he was with the couple for that entire visit and never saw the designer or heard any talk about a baby. And Morell provided still shots from the security cameras to prove that, which all seems pretty damning to Muhammad Al-Fayed and his story about pregnancy. However, Morrell was selling this information to a tabloid for a pretty big chunk of money. Also, still photos can't prove somebody wasn't there. That doesn't even make any sense.

So why not just show the whole tape? Very suspect. Yeah, no, it's a great conspiracy theory. You've got going when even the claims that aren't evidence of anything fall apart. Yeah So I keep ending sections with the words like you know suspect and interesting but this pregnancy theory Is not really interesting or suspect at all. During a British government investigation called Operation Paget that started in 2004, they tested samples of Diana's blood from the wrecked car and found none of the HCG hormone that would indicate pregnancy. And even though it was super awkward, Operation Paget sent around investigators to ask Diana's friends about

the state of her diaphragm and the timing of her menstrual cycles during that summer. And apparently her contraception game was strong and her flow was regular. So not pregnant, probably just adults getting assassinated. I just want to say, Zygotes aren't people, so I just wanted to distance myself further from all of this. I said no. Yeah.

Good non-controversial scene. He's literally non-controversial. Still, those had to be some awkward interviews, huh? This is Penny Fetter. Thank you for meeting me. My pleasure. Just wrapping up a few bits and barbs here and there, you understand. Of course, of course.

So I'm near your remember, our dianns, diaphragm being...particular like beat up or so, set about seven years ago, diaphragm. Beat up you say? Yes, you know. Did you ever mention like, oh gee, my diaphragm is looking like a Swiss cheese these days. Let me tell you. Not that I recall, no. Hmm, right, right, fair.

And what about her periods then? What about them? Well, everything seemed okay about, you know, seven years ago. What about her from then? I don't remember her mentioning anything, but again, it was a long time. Ten years ago, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Do you remember what she had for lunch?

When? Always, just always, all the time. I think you should go. That's probably for the best. That's fair. I'm Michael Marshall. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. According to Muhammad al-Fayed, the French police were clearly in on the plot too and they intentionally embalmed Diana's body way too early against standard protocol. Oh yeah. You know, they started while she was still in the car. I don't know. That's correct. Jesus.

And this would make a pregnancy test during the car. I don't understand. I don't understand. And correct. Jesus. And this would make a pregnancy test during the autopsy give a false result. So that's the point. Not unless she was embalmed with fetuses, like just sitting in the line with that baby. Well, what? What?

What? What? What happened? What happened? Did it make any sense at all? You're making it sound ridiculous. It's not. It's just letting that let me finish my stuff You lie you're not helping it all

They don't look at I've evil of fetuses just Feet is it? Oh, it's just filling up like a high-ditch. I just love that in Tom's mind, they're checking your blood for fetuses. It's like for pregnant. It's like, what would it have been? Ball made with what? What happened?

Confusing, this is a weird image. Let's move on. Oh, it's my favorite. Here's what happened, not exactly like Tom was describing in the hospital claim that it was really hot that day and Diana's body was gonna look stupid when they showed it to her family if it kept getting all melky and it's more days it's not a plot to go on the other side of the building which is pain the ass to get to. They really said this. So they just used some dry ice and turned up the air conditioner,

but that wasn't really working, still getting melty. So they embombed the body before the autopsy even happened. Normally to do that, to embom a body before an autopsy, that would require a bunch of paperwork beforehand. But in this case, they filled out all those forms after the embalming. Quite... who kill you?

Okay, quite peculiar. Is anyone else picturing their wife bringing them Princess Dye and just like, does this smell bad to you? There's some... If you think it's bad, throw it out. And she's like, just smell Princess Dye. You're like, I don't want to smell Princess Dye

if it's bad. Throw it in the garbage. We'll get a new princess. Big hole in the official story involves the use of seat belts. We have it done the explanation about the seat belt. Yeah. So let's just withhold our judgment. Thank you. Seat belts haven't been explained yet. According to the police reports, nobody in the car was wearing their seatbelt at the time of the crash, but that's ridiculous because Diana was a notoriously responsible seatbelt user.

All of her closest friends and family agreed that she was a serious belter, including her sister, who described Diana's seatbelt behavior as religious. It was religious seatbelting. Okay. Citation needed cast in order of seatbelt religiosity. Go. Okay. Tom's at the bottom. Yeah. Oh, yeah. For sure. Tom's. Yeah. So to work. I'm not getting it all wrinkled up. Yeah. Seasel. Seasel's at the top. Oh, excuse me for no one to die. Fuck you. Yeah. No, I'm with you. Seasel. I don't want to. Okay. All right. Yeah. No. No no, Cecil and Noah are definitely first

in second at the top. Yeah, okay, then 100. Eli, Heath? That sounds about right, yeah. Wait, wait, no, why is Eli before me? Yeah, well, he has a family on stuff. Yeah, and people love him. People love him, okay.

Yeah, that's what it is. Right, so this took a turn, anyway. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Moving on, the seatbelt thing got even more suspicious when the wrecked car was examined in 2005 by a forensic accident investigator from the transport research laboratory. As part of Operation Paget, he checked out the seatbelts in the vehicle and he found that all of them were in working order except the one in the passenger side back seat, where Diana was sitting murdered.

Yeah, died. Yeah, how bad does it suck though to die in a car crash while f**king with a broken seat belt like that? That's a- That's a- It's like doing the keys with the murder or coming right behind you with the seat belt. Just juggling on those keys.

Like you die with your hand like fucking wedge between the seats, try to decide if the fuzzy shit or the sticky shit is more disgusting, try to push the bottle out. Hey, Henri Paul, there's a lot of come between the seats. Was that you? Yep, that was him. Also it's fuzzy. So, another big piece of the puzzle involves a mysterious white fiat uno that made contact with Diana and Dodie's Mercedes during the crash. And after witnesses reported seeing this vehicle leaving the tunnel, following the incident,

French police started checking out all the white fiat unos in the country, and all over Europe, in fact, but they never found the one they were looking for. Of course, that makes perfect sense if Muhammad al-Fayed was correct, and the fiat uno was owned by a tabloid photojournalist named James Andinson, who was actually a deep cover MI6 agent who was using a tiny little matchbox car to run Diana's Mercedes into a pillar The perfect cry choice, but yes a perfect crime. Thank you. That was helpful good So this fiat Uno and the James Anderson theory was looked into by Operation Paget as well They found that Anderson did own a white fiat uno, but they claimed it was in bad condition

and had too many miles on it to be involved in the crash. Whatever the fuck that means. So this guy James Anderson sold the car really soon after Diana's death. So he must have been innocent, was also part of the theory. I don't get it. And that's just great police work Except the exact opposite all the stuff is extra suspect. Is it not am I the first person to read this Wikipedia page? Yeah, and that much coke. Yes. Yes. You are. Yeah

Also again, I wasn't finished James Anderson died in May of 2000 from a very mysterious so-called suicide. His body was found in the driver's seat of a burned out BMW. His head was detached and laying on the center console and there was a hole in his left temple. And police reports said the very much bullet like hole in his skull was caused by a really hot fire rather than a bullet.

And the car keys were missing. Yeah. And how many times did Bill Clinton ride an Epstein's jet? He's, I'm just, I'm sure you have that somewhere. More than zero, it's irrelevant. But if you cut your own head off as a suicide that's not mysterious that's fucking awesome that is fucking wanting it and then set it beside you and poke a hole in it that like that i'm glad i'm not the only one having trouble

picture of this guy obviously had extensive spy training to do all that correct and one final piece of evidence that Diana got assassinated was where there there others before? I am just listing them all. One final piece of evidence that you can add to your pile was the testimony of Richard Tomlinson, pretty small former MI6 officer who said she definitely got assassinated during the official investigation by the French government in 1999. Tomlinson gave a sworn statement that, at sworn, you're not allowed to lie. got assassinated. Oh, during the official investigation by the French government in 1999,

Comlinson gave a sworn statement that M.I. and sworn, you're not allowed to lie. He swore. Oh, yeah. That M.I. 6 engineered the car crash. He also claimed that Henri Paul was totally on that payroll of M.I. 6, along with the bodyguard Trevor Reese Jones, possibly another bodyguard too. And Tomlinson also explained how Diana's death happened to exactly like an MI6 plan that he saw in 1992 in which MI6 planned to kill Serbian president Slobodan Molosevic using a strobe light to blind his driver and make him crash into a pillar. On recall, Jesus misread the HR documents about the death benefit for him. I sixth didn't he?

I sixthed. Wait, I'm sorry, wait. So your final piece of evidence that wasn't preceded by other pieces of evidence was a guy said so and then agreed with him, so I was going to take it right. And he swore on a Bible, and it was a perfect crime. Thank you.

Yes. So yeah, I'll be honest though, I'm not clear on how a flash of light would make you smash a car into a pillar necessarily, rather than just like slowing down if you got blinded by you would you speed up to its pillar at that point, but. Yeah, that would be like a seriously stupid plan. If that worked, every time a cop turned their lights on,

someone would die alike. All right. Oh Jesus. Did you hear it? I got it now. Thank you. Tom is helping more than you, Eli. I just want to let you know.

Tom is trying. I'm trying. G.A. But that is a real plot. Apparently, British spies were working on a weaponized flashlight thing to help with regime change. So, Operation Pageant had deal with this theory too. One witness claimed he definitely saw the flash as he drove slightly ahead of the Mercedes in that tunnel.

But then how did he survive? That seems... Counted right? He turned around. He did not hit any pillars. He was in the mirror. It's like looking at a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things.

He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things.

He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things.

He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of things. He's got a lot of flash. His wife got interviewed by the police too, or by Operation Paget, and his wife was like, no, you're stupid, that's not what happened. She was in the passenger seat, and she did not see a flash. So those two kind of canceled out, but some American guy named literally Brian saw the flash too, so that's two to one for flash. Yeah, and nothing else flashes like cameras or anything.

And I mean, where would you find a camera besides an army of paparazzi that we're following? Right? I mean, see so. Yeah, spies trying to kill them. See, so we let you get through your fake moon landing story, okay? No, you didn't actually. You look at us. Look at her up to me all the time.

Look at us. This isn't us. Fighting like this. No, this is us. This is us. Yeah, this is us. This is definitely us. All right. Well, in the end, Tom Linson got arrested by French police, had a bunch of his computer files and personal

papers seized from his house, and by coincidence, he also testified for operation, pageant eventually, and just happened to admit that maybe he wasn't remembering the Milosevic Murder Plot correctly, and maybe they weren't doing flashlight regime change. And maybe he just misheard the whole thing about MI6 trying to murder Diana. I mean, lots of sentences sound like that. You're like, where are my six and we're gonna murder Diana. Yeah, no, he's like, well, you know on second thought,

all the murder plots do have the word die in them. Did I just make it in the street? You know what it is? I'm thinking about it. Someone was singing O Susanna. Am I good to go? I didn't validate my pocket when I came in. Lady Duff from me.

Okay. Yeah. So just to reiterate, this tragic incident was investigated several times by authorities in both France and the UK. And they all landed on the explanation that it was just a drunk guy and aggressive paparazzi, anilac of seatbelts that caused the deaths of Diana and Dodie and Henri Paul. But it's also been investigated way more times than that by true crime authors, tabloid newspapers, intrepid podcasters and Egyptian billionaires whose son got assassinated.

And those people had different conclusions. So you do the math. That second group is way bigger. At least throw away. That's true. Very true. And if the summarize that you learned in one sentence, what would it be, Heath? We totally shot down that plane over Pennsylvania on that.

Shut the fuck up. You ready for the quiz, jerk? I'm ready for the quiz. All right, I got one for you, Heath. What was the code name of the MI6 operative who took out Princess Diana? Wait, what can I say, Cecil, if you can't beat him, join him.

Jesus. Was it a Bowser? B, the Harlett Strobe Plotter, or a Tornado. C, Stone Cold Pillar. Okay, well, according to the internet, it was probably Masad. So a Bowser from Shana Na. He was Jewish, right? That is correct. uh... according to the internet it was probably msad so a bowser from shanana he was to it that is correct that is correct it was i didn't get the shanana connection a strollblight as a stealth murder weapon i think strikes both of us as

somewhat unlikely so um... which option here would be less fucking stupid a uh... just stab them with an icicle, leaving no trace of the murder weapon. Ooh, be a train, a swarm of bees to hover outside their door and then swarm in when they go out to get the mail.

That would be a one-on-one. That's an awesome one. Or see, attach the door handle of their penthouse suite to turn a crank so a shoe kicks a metal ball, which rolls down a hill to turn over a bucket full of lava which then falls on their heads Or never works are you fucking nine? Those are always that we tried to the CIA tried to kill Castro. I don't know if everybody else I'm going with B the swarm of bees

Yeah, pretty sure that's how the CIA actually killed Kennedy. Yeah, it is actually, it's the swarm of bees. Clicker training him is the key. It takes a long time. All right. He's a really little clicker. Keith David Eich said Diana's title switched after she left this world for the lower fourth dimension.

What's her title now? That's correct. A, Countess of Oregon, Donor, Folk, B, Princess of No Moreland. And that's really, you got to understand, more is spelled M-O-R. It's a Dode reference. Anyway, C, Sheriff of... Oh, I didn't count that. That's really good. See, I didn't cut that. That's really good.

See, he's a Muslim guy. He is. Yeah. See Sheriff of rotting ham or D. D Duchess of tunnel wall. Okay, Sheriff of rotting ham is amazing. That's what we see. Sure. Yeah. Okay, sure. I'm not in the States. I have to be sure. I'm sure.

Yeah, sure. Heath, I was on your side this whole time. What is the title of the upcoming true crime spy thriller that we are writing based on Princess Diana's death called? Is it A, live and let die? B, die another day. These are going to be all C. The rotation of die, aren't they?

Die hard. OK. All right. Or D, move into some new territory. Yep. D, the princess died. Aries. OK.

OK. So bad. Secret answer E Die all M for murder No sadly it is a live and let go Great Eli won somehow all right Where are we at about? Cecil's so mad about it. Okay, Eli won, I don't know.

Wrap it up. All right, fair spare. We gotta balance out this week. So next week our assias will be Noah. There you go, see everybody wins. Okay, all right. Okay, well for Heath, Tom, Noah and Eli, I'm Cecil, thank you for hanging out with us today.

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be sure to check out citation pod.com. And remember, Epstein almost certainly killed himself everywhere. What are you ruined my next essay? Well, it was already ruined. Allegedly. Ah! Perfect crime. Ha ha ha. Perfect crew.