Citation Needed - The Eggnog Riot

Episode Date: December 20, 2017

The Eggnog Riot, sometimes known as the Grog Mutiny, was a riot that took place at the United States Military Academy in West Point, New York, on 24–25 December 1826. It was caused by a drunken Christmas Day party in the North Barracks of the academy. Two days prior to the incident, a large quantity of whiskey was smuggled into the academy to make eggnog for the party, giving the riot its name. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details. Skit music: Jingle Bells Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Okay, guys, I know you're prone to exaggeration for a fact from time to time. That is not true. That is bullshit. We never exaggerate anything. Wait, I'm an enormous cock. What? Okay, well, I said it was a good size. It's not.

That's, that's not true. That's not true. What exactly here is the problem here? No, what's the problem again? It's this vendetta you guys have against Christmas. It's getting out of control. That we do not have a vendetta against Christmas. Not Christmas.

I mean, I don't trust the elves, but that's not. I don't know how I told you the elves aren't real. Which is what makes them liars and I don't trust them. Okay. Again, I'm not sure any of this matters. What are we talking about? Okay, wait a minute. No vendetta against Christmas. I don't trust them. Okay. Again, I'm not sure any of this matters. What are we talking about? Okay, wait a minute.

No vendetta against Christmas. What about your ongoing war against Agnog? Oh God. He said it. He said the E word. Now we have to kill him. Okay. Very funny.

Cecil, why do you have a sword now? Wait, do you just like always carry that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll take care of Noatom. You go get the bearing blankets. Way ahead of you Cecil. Wait, wait, just for saying eggnog.

Yeah, I'm gonna go with Noah here. This seems a little exaggerated. I mean, it's just eggnog. Is this the word eggnog? There we go. Yep. Okay. Guys, I got my thumbs caught.

Oh, what's going on? I mean, something. They're gonna kill Ethan me for saying eggnog. Ah, that is is that is not normal But let me ask you this Noah counterpoint Do you think that you're at least somewhat to blame here in the whole? No, no, it's just a word for Christ. I get to fucking beverage. Okay, but with no one he's gone I'm in charge of all three of my podcasts. No, I'm with the Cecil, no, sorry,

where's the matter, brought this on yourself. No, I did not. Yeah, yeah, yeah! You had to do it, Cecil. I know, I know. I just don't understand that shit is fucking disgusting. You know, I've never actually had it. Wait, really?

Then why are you always going on about it? I just like to get mad about things, you know? Make a big fuss. Anyway, I'll bury the bodies. You bleach the carpet. Just like always. Just like always. Just like always, best friends. We're all. Hello and welcome to Scytheation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read

a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet. That's how it works now. I'm Eli and since no one will let me kill myself just yet and since my therapist and sister I spend no time alone, I'm joined by Tom and Noah, two people who could break both my body and my gentle spirit. Yeah, I feel like your body wouldn't break so much as Ben,

you're like a supple willow made of tears. What? Look, when you smash shards of glass, they're not ruined. Right? I mean, there's such a thing as pre-broken as what I'm saying. And both of those fit into that category. You have been reading my poetry. Also joining us tonight are two men whose eyebrows can be woven into an escape rope at a moment's notice, heath and sea salt. That is right, we are on flea. Thank you, Eli. That's the expression.

Our eyeballs are so thick between the two of us, we have a monobrow. Yes. So this is now the part of the show where we usually thank our patrons for helping us keep the show running. And we'll get to that, really. But before we do, I think we need to pause for just a moment show where we usually thank our patrons for helping us keep the show running and we'll get to that. Really?

But before we do, I think we need to pause for just a moment and thank Patreon itself. As you might recall last week, Patreon, this is good. Patreon played a hilarious joke on everyone and threatened our livelihoods by attempting to charge you our patron, exorbitant processing fees, per show, in what was obviously not a blatant money grab, but rather a misunderstood hilarious opening gambit to a prank war. Well, I think it all means it was pretty funny

because I have so many marketable skills at this point in my life. Well, I'm just a little patron. I to tell you, if you want to prank war, you've got one. Now, I'm not going to say what I have in mind, but remember, it's all fun and games after someone loses an eye. So it's until the phrase, it's the phrases all fun and games until someone loses an eye. That's the saying you said you said it wrong no that can't that doesn't make sense that's just the beginning of the games

not even testicles involved in how could you play a game if someone still has okay okay I'm gonna go ahead and take over before we get sued again so just remember everybody they fixed all the patreon nonsense and if you'd like to become patron and help us pay our mounting legal fees for Eli's continued insistence that his vision board isn't a crime against humanity, it clearly is. Be sure to stick around to the end of the show. For those of you who are already patrons, thank you so much. We very badly need you right now. And with that out of the way, tell us Cecil, what person, place, thing, So, I'm not going to be able to do it.

I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it.

I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. Okay, that is not what I meant. And you know that, Cecil, you know that? And you still wanted to hurt me.

And Dr. Glover sat because we're not best friends. So I don't let shout. I don't let shout out. I don't let shout out. I'm not even friends. So, okay. Cecil, not at the beginning of the Patreon prank war. All right.

I have already hired four little people and they are very demanding time and with their vocabulary. Anyways, I'm going to ask Noah,, I can't deal with this right now. So Noah, that aside, what person plays thing concept phenomenon or event will we be discussing today? Well today we're gonna be talking about the Agnog Riot. Agnog. Thank you. Noah?

Seasaw? Wasn't so hard. And Tom, I'm hoping that you, let's say at least peruse the Wikipedia article. Are you ready to vomit out some nutmeg-centred knowledge at us? Distressingly enough, Eli. Yes. Yes, I am. Okay, then.

Tell us, Tom, what was the egg nog, right? The egg nog, right, was, it was like sort of a test run for prohibition. Really, that took place at West Point on Christmas in 1826. Just like the big version of like actual prohibition, it did not go well. Okay, well, I think the jury's still out on the success of prohibition, Tom. But you can tell it's your sad little Christmas story anyway, Senator. No. Actually, it was a huge success.

It was a huge success. Nailed it. I knew everything about prognodition. Before I do, I first need to tell you a little bit about West Point, okay, where this all took place. Now, now when most people think about West Point, they think of an elite military academy that trains senators kids to order poor people to die overseas. Yeah. And that's true, but West Point wasn't always quite so grand. Yeah. In 1826, it was like, uh, go run over there and get stabbed with a gun sword so we can

eventually climb over your body. Yeah. No, seriously, I majored in this. There's like a whole thing. This is a chalkboard. There's a diagram. I played risk like fourored in this. There's like a whole minute. This is a chalkboard. There's a diagram. I played risk like four times for this. Go, go.

Yeah, and I just want to say that is vastly different from today's military, I tell you. Vastly. Yeah. Vastly different. No, they have robot gun swords now. Automated. All right, so in the early 1800s, West Point was,

I mean, it was basically like a community college and like, it was even a very good community college. It only had four departments and it only had 36 staff members. Basically, anybody could just join West Point and you could join anytime of the year. You're going to show up like Thursday in September. I mean, like, yeah, I go here now. This was not an upper crust institution. Yeah, basically anyone could join, but please note the definition of anyone here doesn't include women or black people. No, that's not. Yeah.

I see like the Constitution. Exactly. Exactly. My buddy, Neil Gortzich told me that. It's hard to enroll them three fifths at a time. Yeah. That's the challenging part. Right.

So West Point, in fact, it had quite a reputation for trouble making, and particularly trouble making of the drinking variety, which is also incidentally the best variety. One bar around West Point, the Benny Haven, it allowed students to bar their blankets and shoes. He's alcohol. The entire undergraduate class is just rail writing hobos. Oh, yeah, I'm right. God, that'd be as careless as hot topic off and go off for a discount based on the number of cuts. Oh, my shit.

We're losing our shirts. Everything's free here. We're literally losing our shirts. Okay, another tavern, the north tavern, which I'm going to presume was North of West Point, was located basically on the property line. It was located there on purpose, specifically to entice the students to drink, which they did. And they drank so much and was such a gusto that eventually West Point had to buy the

tavern and turn it into a hospital. And I'm going to presume that was to treat alcohol poisoning. So it's like the VA used to be pretty well funded. Okay. So Tom, as revelatory as it is that college students like to drink so far, no riots, not even any eggnog. Yeah. Great. I'm painting a fucking word picture here. You barbarian. I'm cutting a scene. Oh, I'm sorry, Leo Toystall. Oh, I'm sorry, Leo Toystall.

Oh, my only one is Toystory. Did you call me? It's Leo Toystory. It's Buzz Lightyear. That's an illiterate. Buzz Toystory's going to infinity and beyond bitches. I have a brightness of the figs joke that Deborah's going to get She's gonna be like

Right me to the figs That's for more in peace and you can be like damn right. It is I read that book and everyone's gonna be like He's the smart one All right, so nobody got that joke. So we know what it's important that you left it in. That's the important part. I have a call back. I have a call back to that joke later.

I have to get to the second. I refuse to abandon that joke. What was it? Right miss of the fakes. Right miss. What explain it? What was in the fix? I said, right miss.

Now it's all gone. They're mine. It's fine. They mocked. They mocked Keats too. Tom, go. Go Tom. All right.

So here we are. There's a scene. We have West Point, right? Not exactly a high bar of institutions surrounded by alcohol and people willing to trade alcohol for their clothes. Right? And this is a lovely tradition in Italy that continues every spring break. So we're not giving up on this. But it'll also take a moment and tell you

about some of the people at West Point that are going to be involved in the riot. One of the chief instigators and the first to actually get in trouble was Jefferson Davis, who you might recall was involved as one of the losers of the South treasonous attempt to succeed. Actually, I don't recall that because history stops existing when you take down the statues, but go ahead. Not really. Okay, that's true. That's true. We gotta leave him up, Heritage.

So before becoming involved with a cause that would eventually literally define the idea of being on the wrong side of history. Jefferson Davis was a fucking drunk. And he might have been a drunk afterward, but this is the beginning of the drug. In fact, he was once so drunk that stumbling back to West Point after tying one on, he fell down a 60 foot ravine, crawled back out just to go back to campus. Jesus. That I was something you stumbled into a waffle

house with his friends had pretty much the same loud conversation about black people you'd hear today. Oh, and can I get those hash browns whipped, flogged, and skirred? I think you're the default when you're south of the, yeah, depending on where you're at, right? That's the way we're in North Carolina. Same pregnant waitress. Just giving you a big old hoping for a 10% tips. My West point is something of a drinking problem and drinking was part of their Christmas tradition.

Specifically agnog and agnog in particular was the chosen drink to celebrate little baby Jesus's birth. But the new superintendent of West point, Sylvainus Thayer, he was trying to clean up the image of West Point, which actually seems like a really low bar ask given the horrible image of West Point. So we did what so many well intentioned failures have done. He banned alcohol, including banning the Christmas agnodger. And state ban pedophilia prohibition never works. They eased it out.

They eased it out. They didn't grab father to few people. They didn't phases. Yeah. Yeah. Faseless. Can't just let it go. You can't just do all once.

No, that's not it. It's not realistic. Okay. Well, after that pedophilia joke, I'm sure this is gonna go well, but before we hear about the rousing success, we're gonna take a quick mid-episode break for a little something we like to call

Apropos of Nothing. Oh, oh, oh, Merry Christmas, everyone! Merry Christmas, Santa! We're only a few days away from Christmas, sugar plum. Give me a status report. Real Santa, we're over three letters from Pluto, condemning our loose of rinder, or as they call them, slaves for the slough. How exactly are we handling that?

Well, we've got Rudolph making the regular talk show, circuit, telling everyone how the reindeer like their job. We're also giving him regular beatings to keep him on message, you know how that is. Good, good house toy production. Excellent overall. I mean, we've had a 1,000% increase in production, since we switched over to China for the toy manufacturing.

There's a significant increase in lead in the toys, but our social media team is blaming that on vaccines. All right, well things seem good. Any other problems? Um, well, there is a problem with Agnog production. Too many Christmas. We can't have any of that. That's the milkers they they ran on strike they want latex gloves regular estadil testing and biohazard so this is unacceptable what about the elves? No demands the elves are actually upset that they stop milking them. Well send in the union busting yeties and milk some male reindeer to help up production. But Santa the color of the Agnog is bright, yellow when there's reindeer.

Hmm, well, let's call it soy agnog. We'll send some to PETA. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hello, podcast listener. I just wanted to take another chance to thank all the patrons who helped make this show go Hello podcast listener. Just wanted to take another chance to thank all the patrons who helped make this show go and remind you that as of this recording, we're just one dollar away from hitting our goal of doing a citation needed live show in the city of your choice.

But to sweeten the pot, if we hit our goal of $3,000, wherever we do the show, me and my best friend Cecil will share a hotel room. No, just like we promised him. We will not do that. So, to get you all signed up, we prepared a little montage, if you will, of the future. To let you know the fun shenanigans, you can help monetize. I cannot believe we hit $3,000. This is going to be fun.

You worry too much. Stop jumping on the bad Eli, I told you you shouldn't have eaten that Oreo before you went to bed. Huh. This is actually super good exercise. Do you think? Do you think I'd be in like super good shape if I did this every night? Yeah. No. No, not at all. Cecil, you sure you don't want to wear like just pajamas?

No, no, this is fine, this is good. So you like always wear plate mail to bed? Yep, always. Seems... Clanky. It's fine, it's fine. It's fine like this. Okay, well, if you want to join me in the nude,

just let me know, just this bro, is right? Your body is an absolute horror. I get that so much, like that exact... Harding. Hey, Cecil. Eli, it's four in the morning. Can I... Can I tell you a sleepover secret?

No, you can't. It's four in the morning. I arranged for someone... I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that. You should be in jail for that. Yeah, probably. So if you wanna hear about all that more, head over to patreon.com slash citation pod. And help us choose where to bring a live show. And what size bed Cecil and I should sleep in.

Honestly guys, $2,500, that goal is fine. That is fine. Well, Tom, while our audience wonders what it is, I said that we censored it out of our show, I believe you were saying something about how successful the banning of booze would be. The baddest successful, as you might imagine, this would be when one of your students falls down a ravine drunk before losing an entire civil war. The students were not going to be denied booze in their nag. So they said about

procuring a little for their own private celebration. At getting booze, the local tavern, Benny's haven was too expensive. So these three students, they set off for the next nearest tavern, which was across the Hudson River, which they crossed. Hold on. This place was cheaper than the tavern that took blankets and shoes. What, were they paying with socks and cum? Or how did they wear it? What's the other one? Take the neat thing about that, Heath, is that you can store both of those things together like a sock is like a cum wallet.

Yeah, less than you think though, when you got that, you always think you have that's not as good as you. Shark is like a cum wallet. Okay, so again, remember, this is 1826. So like crossing the Hudson River, this is, they did just like hop in their car and go over the Hudson River, right? They had to set off on horseback and cross the river on some fucking ye oldy ferry just to get the tavern just to start buying the boots. Well, yeah, buy me with Jefferson, the spontaneous, spur-lunker involved. I'm kind of glad they didn't have cars, you know? And for contrast, I postmates myself an $11 Starbucks while I was writing this job. So they go to the tavern across

the river, right? And they, and they're so pleased with themselves, they reward themselves for their hard work by, you know, getting drunk. As you might imagine. And then they bought four gallons of whiskey, four gallons. Clearly, these guys are planning a modest celebration for reference, that's 336 shots of whiskey. Or as we call it a QED. Now, on their way back to West Point, they got caught by a guard and they bribed the guard 35 cents to look the other way. It's like my friend Andrew Jackson told me you were cool. Oh, are you friends with him? Yeah. Yeah.

Friends of the Andrew Jackson. All right. So now the whiskey's procured and it's safely in their dorm rooms. And the stage is now set for this riots, right? So it's Christmas and fair, the superintendent of the house. He wakes up in Christmas morning, not to the sound of Santa and his reindeer, but instead of 4 a.m. to the sound of drunk college kids partying just a few floors above him. And like any annoyed dad, he tramps up the stairs and he yells, if five or six drunk kids

just go to spurs and go back to the rooms and he's getting ready to leave. And here's more drunk and idiots in the adjoining room and I love this fucking part. She opens the door on the next room and two of the cadets are so drunk that they're trying to hide under a blanket. Or I mean, that's what the Wikipedia says that they were doing on the floor. There's the don't ask, don't tell Eris. And then a third student put a hat over his face and refused to identify him. So just like, you can't see me if I can't see you shit, right? And that's

when things went south. Well, it's okay. Where's the cookie? I'm in, I'm in. I want to play two. Later on, the guys like well had master, I would tell you who all the students were, but one of them was a master of disguise. I just wonder what kind of half-ass 1826 West Point drunk still has a blanket. Right? We established you could, yeah, slacker. Bill, we could add another down a whiskey bill. I get culled. So Hitchcock, one of the officers, he heard it even louder, more rockish and anagons taking place a few fours away.

As he ran out of check, I love this. Jefferson Davis, he's running down Jefferson Davis burst into the room and yells pretty much in Hitchcock's face. Put away the grog boys, Captain Hitchcock's coming. Again, he lost the Civil War. Big bitch. You can see it coming here. See the original, he's standing right behind me, isn't he?

Yep. So Davis was ordered back to his room and Davis actually went back to his room. This is a, this is the decision that would ultimately prevent him from being court marshal. The one and only good decision in this guy's life to be drunk and alone. See, Heath, maybe you're going to lead an army. You never know. Oh, the armies are fun. Yeah, Heath, you're already a fun. Yeah, he's already a racist I don't like phone calls

Not a problem anymore December's the best Tom comedy go troll roll through roll through don't't make them sit in the silence. People are driving Tom. Speaking of the ripeness of figs. So another officer Thornton, he wasn't having an easy go of breaking shit up by there, right? When he attempted to break up the party, he was threatened with a sword and a pistol. and another cadet beat him to the floor with a piece of wood. He says, please don't stab me with a sword or shoot me with a pistol and they can't with the wood is like deal. We do that.

We found that piece of wood was under that blanket. That's what those two guys were fighting over. There were two pieces actually, two weird. So Hitchcock tried to break down a barricaded door and he was nearly shot for his efforts. Remember, this is around a dog in boozing your egg nuggets. And in fact, he was only saved from being murdered because another drunkard that bumped into the guy who was trying to shoot him and set the shot firing into the floor. Hitchcock at this point, he's had enough of this shit, right? And he ran to get help. He asked the Sentinel to get the

calm here. Now Hitchcock here was actually referring to the commander, calm commander, but the candidate started referring to the bomb or bombardiers who were the regular militiamen state and station at West Point. Maybe we say out the whole word for explosive stuff. Nerd, it's bomb. What's going to happen? So fucking bomb. That was the first thing that happened. I really just didn't know. There's like, no, the safe word is keep going ink with a can. Keep going. I just gotta say, these guys are really going psycho on Hitchcock. Oh, yes.

They're gonna throw them through the window. Yes. The real window, guys. They're gonna hang them with a piece of rope. Ropes. Ropes. That's what it's for. No, it's for with a piece of rope Ropes that's now what's pretty moves to rope All these puns are giving me vertigown birds shit Birds I said

North by Northwest North by Northwest. What the man on the third man? That's not what I'm going to do. North by Northwest was going to be hard. No matter how you cut it. So the cadets wouldn't fucking ape shit after this, believing that calling in the actual cavalry and I love this, was in a front to their honor, right? So they did the only honorable thing and they took up arms drunkily to defend the barracks

while also absolutely demolishing the barracks. They smashed all the crockery, the windows, the furniture, they smashed the staircase. The entire North barracks was completely destroyed. It had to be rebuilt. The bombers are coming, smash everything and they'll have nothing to do Basically treated that place like Iraq I just can't get over the reaction is like well fellas the real militaries here to stop our Christmas party Red the blood of angry man

Oh, read the blood of angry man. What? And I love how I love this story. I love how I would, how it ends. Nobody called the bombardiers, right? So the bombardiers didn't show up and the cadets basically just wore themselves out trashing the place so much so that eventually they just soared themselves up in a frenzy of destruction. The arrival of the actual commander that had been summoned along with the mitigating

effects of being hung over on eggnog, put the rest of the riot to bash. It's it's it's always the simple misunderstandings that cause the riots like Ferguson, you know? Yeah. So you know, I was sure his R2 unit was about to chuck him a lightsaber and so, you know, I was sure his R2 unit was about to chuck him a lightsaber. And so, you know, it's just, it could happen anybody. You do the hokey, pokey, and you turn yourself around. Don't shoot rhymes with shoot. But so, he can't start to tell.

He said, keep going. There were so many people, so many students in the school that were involved in the riots that they are couldn't even indict them all or he was lose a third of the class. He's a slow chees. So instead chose to indict only the worst offenders, which I have to presume included the guys who try to shoot and stab the officers involved. And in total 19 cadets were actually expelled from West Point. So like a quarter of the class. They're expelled from basically community college.

Where do you go from there? How do you go back home? Like I'm gonna see it a kill myself. You go back to that waffle. That's what you got. Right. The loud and application. Now, Jefferson Davis escaped expulsion as did Robert E Lee, who also took part in the riot and also in losing the civil war if anyone was right. I come from a very successful family. I do. Both of them.

Yeah, literally related to Jefferson Davis and Robert E Lee. True do. Both of them. Yeah. Literally related to Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee. True story. Are you really? Yeah. And Eulicees has Grant. So I got one and two. You're ancestors. Fuck all over the fucking Mason Dixon line.

It just wasn't. Anything that moves. They were all waitresses. A waffle. The egg nog riots made such a lasting impact on actual West Point. It was significant enough that when they rebuilt, they rebuilt West Point. The barracks of West Point were built after the agnog riots in such a way that students can only move through the hallways in single file so it's to prevent future riots.

Oh, that's what you should do in Ferguson. Again, riots over Agnog. This is, it's disgusting. Agreed. All right. So Tom, tell us, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? Clearly, that Agnog is never worth the trouble that it goes.

And are you ready for the quiz? As an expert on all things, Nog and Grog, Eli, yes, I think that I am. All right. Tom, which of the following is the best replacement? If you run out of eggnog while you're hosting a holiday party and your guests aren't done felching yet. That's it. It is. It is.

It is. It is. It is an eight test tube babies. Good one. It is actually come in the shot glass. The test tube is one of them. You're ready to go. You sent it to a cocktail waitress pass around.

Yeah. Right. Is it being lit up like little glow sticks in there? Yeah. Absolutely. It's very festive. It's very festive. Is it be pus from a lesion?

Also good. Is it sea? Left over limp biscuit milkshakes. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy.

I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy.

I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a hot. It is test to baby. Yeah. No, this is hard as you think. I've got it. It's distressing that you have this information. I'm the guy.

America is known for its food festivals like the Agnogriot, which is the largest attended food festival in the United States. A, Louis C. K's jerk chicken handoff. Oh, sorry. B, through a public and national vice-versed goblin convention. See, the national rifle association weekly fish in a barrel shoot or D the charlotte's bill white cracker jamboree. Oh, it's like cracker jamboree.

And I love it there. Yeah. That's great. All right, Tom. While hatred for Agnog is nearly universal there are many or ignorant of its origins how was agnog invented a king Richard insisted his staff drink alcoholic pancake batter to fortify them was b rocky balboa was looking for an upper and a dammer

c a hasty explanation was needed for a spittin drink bucaki that got walked in on. Or was it D? All food was gross before 1992. Egnog is just one of the many dishes Noah's generation invented before salt and sugar were no longer ration for the great. I'm going to go with D because of the shot at Noah who was not here last week. So I feel like he missed out. You were right, apparently. He was a D-D. Yeah, there you go.

D is the D. All right. Good. So, kind of feels like everybody's shitting on eggnog, but let's be fair here. This was not an eggnog caused riot, right? Like, of all the variables we could have removed to ameliorate the situation, Agnog is nowhere on the list. It seems like whoever named this thing was kind of missing the point. So, with that in mind, which of the following is not a historical headline written by the

same guy who named the Agnog riot. Is it a iceberg irrevocably scarred by Titanic's hole? B, cars discovered to be number one cause of traffic fatalities. It's trees actually. Yeah. See, Kennedy's upholstery ruined during Padallus parade. Yeah. Or was it the Tom Petty Welch's on promise 2018 studio album? Oh, fuck you, Tom Petty. It's D. It is D. It is D because he died before the, the, the writer, the headline writer.

He was alive in 1826. He couldn't be around that. Wouldn't make any sense. All right. Well, Tom, nobody stumped you this week. So you'll take over his host next week. Plus, you get to decide who has to do all the work next week. Well, since he seems to be trying to let Agnog off the hook, he's gross and unnecessary.

I'm going to go with Noah. It's a delightful festive holiday beverage. You're wrong. You eat nothing but cigarette ashes. No, he's going nothing but cigarette ashes. No, he's gonna eat cigarette ashes and drink egg dog because the only thing he loves more than cigarettes is a drink. One second, I need a sip. All right, I'm ready to record after I've had this mooky, smilf preference.

So now with that image fresh in everyone's mind, I'll toss it over to Sarah for last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question. Thanks Eli. Last week's question was think of a better slogan than remember the Alamo. The winner was Trump drinks P on Twitter with this answer. Remember walls don't stop Mexicans. Thanks to everyone for submitting answers.

This week's question is, what band substance would actually be worth rioting for? Just retweet our Facebook share this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner. Back to you, Eli. All right, well, for Tom, Cecil, Noah, and Heath, I'm Eli. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then, Noah will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you should be reading my blog. But if you don't do that, and the numbers show that you do not do that.

You can check out our other shows over at the scathing atheists, God awful movies, and the skepticat. And if you want awful movies, and the Skeptor Cat. And if you want more of Tom and Cecil, listen in at Cognitive Disnance. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, and you should, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod, or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes, sure to check out CytationPod.com.

And remember, the key is to let the eggnog hit the back of your throat and swallow right away. Fuck, and look up, look up. That's key too. Hey, Cecil. No. You want to be the big spoon? Are we at $3,000 yet?

Yep. It's still hard now. No. Ha ha ha ha ha!