Citation Needed - The Holy Prepuce (Foreskin) and Other Relics

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

The Holy Prepuce, or Holy Foreskin (Latin præputium or prepucium), is one of several relics attributed to Jesus, consisting of the foreskin removed during the circumcision of Jesus. At vari...ous points in history, a number of churches in Europe have claimed to possess the Prepuce, sometimes at the same time. Various miraculous powers have been ascribed to it.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 In the dry states of the Southwest, there's a group that's been denied a basic human right. In the Navajo Nation today, a third of our households don't have running water. But that's not something they chose for themselves. Can the Navajo people reclaim their right to water and contend with the government's legacy of control and neglect? Our water, our beauty. Our water, our beauty. That's in the next season of Reclaimed, the lifeblood of Navajo Nation.
Starting point is 00:00:28 Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, a podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet and that's how it works now. I'm Heath and I am circumcised. I'm aware that it's probably wrong. Goodbye new listener. Yeah, yeah, sorry. This is the reason for that.
Starting point is 00:01:14 It's the topic. I'm aware it's probably wrong to mutilate a baby's genitals for like any reason, but foreskins are gross. And I'm joined by three guys who either Share that opinion hopefully or based on my knowledge of the internet They have some other hot take and hope I die in the face. Cecil, Noah and Eli I'm not gonna argue I hold that same cognitive dismemberment Heath. Absolutely Well, I feel like we stopped exploring the what parts of this baby are superfluous question
Starting point is 00:01:46 way too early. To be fair, if I don't mutilate your kid's dick, you're going to have to wash it more feels like an excuse that would have worked on me. I mean, I can't believe it did. All right. Well, Eli, what person place thing concept phenomenon or event? Please give us context, are we going to be talking about today?
Starting point is 00:02:07 All right, we're going to be talking about the survivors of the Nanking Massacre. What? We're doing this on the day of survivorship? Five. Four. Three. We actually have the granddaughter of a victim. Eli, continue. As a guest, it tells like she's walked out of the studio
Starting point is 00:02:28 Hey, he's a little do it if you think I don't have the fucking rocks to pull up and read the entire Massacre at Nanking article right now. Please proceed governor. You don't know the dancer You stepped on the dance floor with, my friend. Bluff called. Show your cards. Let's do it. Okay!
Starting point is 00:02:49 You lie? I'm doing it! The Nanking Massacre! Or the Rape of Nanking. So before you tell us what the actual subject is, what did you say it was in real life? It's the Holy Prepuce. And other relics. Okay, before you tell us what that is and what those other relics are, can you name
Starting point is 00:03:17 something that we don't think about enough? Just like in general? Yeah. So as we mentioned last week, Tom's wife, Haley, is still feeling sick because we record two essays in the same week. And so Tom wrote this essay and therefore I will be reading it. But this is Tom's writing. You're doing it as Tom?
Starting point is 00:03:36 Yeah, I'll do it as Tom. Nice. We don't spend a lot of time. Okay, that's enough of that. Okay, yeah, that's plenty. I can't do it. That's plenty. And I just wanted to do the trimmium.
Starting point is 00:03:44 I feel the same way about Tom. When Tom does it, that's about I can't do it. Yeah I feel the same way about Tom That's about how long it takes To the topic all right, we don't spend a lot of time thinking about foreskins said Tom not Eli or at least I did Until this episode as an American man born in the late 70s again said, not Eli. Or at least I didn't until this episode. As an American man born in the late 70s, again said Tom, not Eli, I, like most of my cohort, never gave any thought to the missing calamari ring. Its removal was a cock fact of no real note or controversy. When I grew up though, now the circumcision debate has- No, it was crazy I used to have that.
Starting point is 00:04:23 Pfft. It was. When I grew up though, now the circumcision debate has. No, it was crazy. I used to that when I grew up though. Now the sentence again, when I grew up now though, not to not where the sentence starts. We don't spend a lot of time thinking about for skin as an American. I like most of my core heart switch to the N King man. It's removal. What's a cock fact of no real note or controversy when I grew up? Though now,
Starting point is 00:04:51 The circumcision debate. Okay wait, I love just how much Eli is baffled by commas, because Tom uses them and Eli does not, and he's just, he has no idea what to fucking do. I can't read anything I didn't write. Yeah, this is going to be rough.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Growing up, I didn't know that the foreskin wasn't actually just skin, but a highly innervated mucosal membrane, not unlike the inside of a mouth or eyelid, evolved- I mean, it is unlike those things. Go ahead, Tom. Evolved to protect the penis from chafing and desensitization, a useful and necessary component of the anatomy. Because if there's one thing people complain about, it's the renowned biological reluctance of the male orgasm. And if there's one thing I super super never thought about, not even for a moment, it is what happens to all those millions of discarded dick
Starting point is 00:05:50 rinds. But that's because I'm not Jesus. Compost them? And if there's anything religious wackos love to think about, it's dick. So do they all form together to make a really long and inconsistently girthy Voltron dick? Is that what happens? Oh, there you go. Or they're linked together chainmail style to protect Voltron from God and tech? I like it! I like it!
Starting point is 00:06:13 Honestly, if in 40 years Forskins are babies and we need to protect their lives is an intent pull of the right, they've missed an opportunity. I do think they deserve a burial. Oh, for sure. It's like a big rubber band ball Maybe yeah put a hundred on a ring and then lower it into liquid iron I love that as you all know one stop on Route 66 Over for the ball of four skins, I'm going over for the ball of force that's making some
Starting point is 00:06:44 For skins I'm going over for the ball of horses. That's making some like yeah, I mean like like hey Let's be clear you would not have to make that big a ball of worse kids before you could legally make that Yeah, make it bigger And you would It's like climbing Everest once you get to the base because it was there you get to the top or you die As you all know, Jesus was a Jew. And as a Jew, he had to make a blood sacrifice to his war god in the form of cutting off his foreskin at a time in history before painkillers, band-aids, antiseptics, the germ theory, or basic hygiene had been invented.
Starting point is 00:07:23 The tradition of appeasing an angry, vengeful God with the blood of a child's genitals demanded that all boys be circumcised by the eighth day after their birth. Which I guess is like the military. Either get them while they're young or they're finding better options. Jesus then, as a Jew, was most assuredly circumcised and everyone was so jazzed about the whacking off of the Holy Lord and Savior's penis that churches across the world celebrated and in some cases still celebrate the feast of the circumcision of Christ. Which is a weird shared main dish where there's a lot of kissing
Starting point is 00:07:58 while you chew like that scene from Lady and the Tramp you know. Oh yeah. A lot of slurping. So yeah. When we did it with the calamari we were really close to start with which is nice Remember Cecil I do hang out in Chicago. I do come on Not now not today Why not on Christmas? That's the nose we made had that little bit of foam in there delicious. Just a little bit piped on Pipe Shmegma, so you know pretty much a shawled on pipe Shmegma Pretty much a shawl pretty much pipe Shmegma. So so we can all rest pretty much assured that Jesus was circumcised, but that's where our story begins.
Starting point is 00:08:51 In the Apocryphal Arabic, probably Arabic, in the Gospel, which tells this story, quote, And when the time of his circumcision was come, namely the eighth day on which the law commanded the child to be circumcised, they circumcised him in a cave. One. And the old Hebrew woman took the foreskin, others say she took the navel string, and preserved it in an alabaster box of old oil of spikenard. It's my dick in a box. And she had a son.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Who was it?-nard? Is the name of that? Spike-nard, yeah. Two. Okay. And she had a son, who was a druggist, to whom she said, Take heed, thou sell not this alabaster box of Spike-nard ointment, although thou shouldst be offered three hundred pence for it.
Starting point is 00:09:40 Okay. Facebook marketplace never really changed that much. Yeah. Got it. Is this Spike- spite art still available? Three. Equally dangerous. Now, this is that alabaster box which Mary the sinner procured and poured forth the ointment of it upon the head and feet of our Lord Jesus Christ and wiped it off with the hairs of her head.
Starting point is 00:09:59 End quote. Now, I'm not a biblical expert, but if I read that right, and I think I did, the first accounting of what happened to Jesus' discarded dick skin is that an old lady brewed it up with some essential oils, let it ferment in those oils for a few decades, and then later, Jesus got a head and foot rub with his very own dick stew oil. Right, and foot often equals penis in the Bible. So I'm picturing Mary pouring out that oil and the foreskin just like settling into place perfectly like a puzzle. Right.
Starting point is 00:10:36 This is the Bronze Age version of do you remember Mary's daughter's cousin? She came to Easter once. Well, she got murdered by her husband. You should call. Thank you. Okay. Heath's mom does it. I get it. Fast forward then to the Middle Ages, which seems to be the golden age for relics. An observation that may not be true at all, and which I just made up. Regardless, it's true that Jesus' foreskin started popping up all over the place. If only the developers of Sonic the Hedgehog had been a little braver. On Christmas Day, it's not too late.
Starting point is 00:11:13 You can still use the pre-sequel. You just gotta say it. I mean, McDonald's made Grimace a taste bud. You can do it. What's the sound though? With Ron Jeremy? Like, there's a clinking sound. Same sound. When you hear the?
Starting point is 00:11:26 Rings it's got to be a different Sound I feel like a joke. Oh, there's a joke sound there On Christmas Day in the year 800 Charlemagne was faced with a difficult task Hope Leo the third was going to crown him emperor and Charlemagne wanted to give Leo something nice to commemorate the occasion What do you say something shitty in a commercial that they wanted to give Leo something nice to commemorate the occasion. What do you get the Pope who has everything? How about the Holy Lord and Savior's 800 year old penis scraps? And how does one acquire the foreskin of the one true Christ? Eli has a guy.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Why? An angel appears and gives it to you as a gift. So the gift then to the pope was a re-gifting of the foreskin of Jesus. And if that story by the way sounds like bullshit, I would like to assure you that it was confirmed as authentic by a vision of St. Brigitte of Sweden. So now you're the one who sounds stupid. My white elephant gift is the tiniest elephant trunk ever. How adorable.
Starting point is 00:12:36 What then of this white elephant holy dick skin? Well, it appears from the descripto latinertis that Pope Leo took the adorable rotting cock relic and somehow put it in a cross Which he put in a casket which he put in a cypress chest Which he put under the altar in the Chapel of st. Lawrence. It's like the anal retentive chef putting it away. Yeah, so Maybe it's still there beneath a get-smart number of barriers Yeah, did it with the forceken swallow a fly or something? Yeah. Honestly, the fact that we need atheism when this is what religion was offering for the
Starting point is 00:13:12 last couple thousand years is a bummer. It's a bummer, man. It's a bummer. But probably it's not. Most likely, Jesus' Forsken was actually a tiny wedding ring for love-lored nuns. Improbable, you say? Well, that's because you haven't read the writings of Catherine of Siena, who wrote to a nun friend of hers during a time of some spiritual strife, quote,
Starting point is 00:13:33 Faith in the blood of Christ crucified. See that you don't look for or want anything but the crucified as a true bride. Ransom by the blood of Christ crucified. For that is my wish. You'll see very well that you are a bride, and that he has espoused you, you and everyone else, and not with a ring of... silver, but with a ring of his own flesh.
Starting point is 00:13:59 It says Christ! Look at the tender little child who, on the eighth day when he was circumcised, gave up just so much flesh as to make a tiny circlet of a ring. And look again. He went to Jared. I wish you went to Jared. And look again, very much not a scholar of the mud times in its writings, but it sounds very much
Starting point is 00:14:26 like Catherine's advice to her friend amounts to, don't be said you don't have a man and a nice wedding ring. Spiritually speaking, you're married to Jesus and the wedding ring is you imagining that you're wearing your husband's severed baby foreskin. Holy foreskins aren't just good for the make-believe marriages with imagined gods, but they are also excellent drivers of a local economy The supposed relic of Jesus's willy was on display in Rome in the 16th century until the city was sacked and a German soldier Obscured with the prick parts and fled really that's a weird thing for the soldier to decide to do just being like I got the dick Parts fucking cheese What they get it caught on something they snap right back
Starting point is 00:15:20 But God was not on the side of the looter of little willies, and the soldier was captured in the village of Calcutta, 29 miles from Rome. And I guess the church there decided what they had was golden and they weren't giving it up for free, so they pretty much announced that Rome could fuck itself raw and that all pilgrims who wanted to make a pilgrimage to their town to see the dick meat would get a 10-year indulgence get a 10 year indulgence. Ten year indulgence. Unsurprisingly nuns, priests, and pilgrims flocked to the city. It's a little surprising.
Starting point is 00:15:53 I mean you have to attenuate yourself to it right? And for a while, Calcutta was on every pilgrim's bingo card and the city made money like it was hosting the Iris Tour. The relic was said to be stolen in 1983 it was stolen by a secret agent bond gold bond I feel like this thing is so easy to secure you could use like a bicycle lock Right or a padlock sure Tie your hair back with it. Yeah
Starting point is 00:16:23 Got one nun keeping it on her wrist? Beyond the 10 year long get out of hell- It's like a lip-strong bracelet. Complimentary. Beyond the 10 year long get out of hell free card it brought you to Rubberneck Jesus's turtleneck. What was the point of getting all hot and bothered over an incomplete dick pic? According to some, the prepuce was a powerful symbol of the humanity of Jesus, something
Starting point is 00:16:48 that evidently appealed to Mudtimes worshippers. According to some Bible history scholar, whose credentials I didn't vet, towns across Europe were lousy with holy foreskins. At any one time, there might be a dozen or more towns proudly proclaiming that they definitely had the foreskin of God Which means every time there was a circumcision there was a potential black market of guys trying to peep the merchandise You know what I'm saying? But the ubiquity of dick parts has never made any sniff that foreskin do that's gross. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:17:22 He's he's licking it like a cigarette. He's gonna roll Not tangy enough But the ubiquity of dick parts has never made anyone owning one feel less special or less proud of his And this can be seen when a prep use relic arrived in antwerp in 1100 as a gift from King Baldwin I of Jerusalem, who had bought it himself while on crusade in the Holy Land. The prepuce became big time famous when, during a mass, the bishop saw three drops of blood from the prepuce blotting the linen of the altar.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Jesus' foreskin had its first period and shit went bananas. A special chapel was constructed and processions began flooding in to honor the tiny bloody relic and soon pilgrimages began bringing in big tourist dollars. Just a bunch of weird merch like those glasses for New Year's Eve. Yeah, but the risk is to get you back in were clever though. I thought that was. Yeah. This last. Thematic hundreds of years. And in 1426, a brotherhood was founded of Abbots and prominent laymen to support the chapel of this bleeding Johnson until 1566 when you guessed it, someone misplaced it.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Most of the holy purported prepuces, prepuci, prepopotomuses, prepudae. Forskins most of the relic foreskins from antiquity were lost during the Reformation and the French Revolution. That's all it says about that in the Wikipedia. Just all of a sudden people started misplacing Jesus's bits of his bits, but not all hope or foreskin is lost as late as 1983 in Calcutta a reliquary Containing the holy foreskin of none other than Jesus himself Was paraded through the streets on the day of the feast of circumcision
Starting point is 00:19:16 This wonderful yearly tradition likely would have continued indefinitely had thieves not stolen the foreskin They may have been at least as interested in the jewel-encrusted case it was housed in. Don't be an asshole, because you keep the jewels, but you toss the foreskin and the IDs out once you get around the corner. Exactly, yeah. It's not at all clear whether any holy prepopotomuses still exist. In 1997, a British journalist for Channel 4 went on the hunt for the foreskin but came up as empty as Al Capone's vault. In 2013, National Geographic Channel broadcast a documentary called The Quest for the
Starting point is 00:19:55 Holy Foreskin, which had to be a hell of a thing to find on your great-aunt's DVR. But remember that Nat Geo also broadcast hard-hitting journalistic pieces such as Monkey Thieves, Fish Warrior, and Beast Hunter. Is that your credibility But remember that Nat Geo also broadcasts hard-hitting journalistic pieces such as Monkey Thieves, Fish Warrior, and Beast Hunter. Set your credibility standards accordingly. Just some guy with a fedora. That's the dick skin of a carpenter. He dips it in water and drinks from it.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Of course, not everyone believes that Jesus was circumcised to make tiny wedding rings for nuns or to drive traffic to local ice cream and saltwater shops and shitty tourist towns of old. No, some believe. And gentlemen, count me in that number. That when Jesus Christ descended into heaven, he wouldn't leave behind on his mortal soil his mortal coil. No, when Jesus went to heaven, so too did his tiny baby foreskin, which then took a
Starting point is 00:20:47 detour and became the rings of Saturn. That is, at least, making it so much more complicated than it has to be. That is, at least, according to an unpublished treatise by a Vatican librarian titled, A Discussion of the Foreskin of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Cool. And now Saturn has much better endurance. Happy ending for everybody. And before we get to some other important relics, we're going to take a quick break
Starting point is 00:21:15 for some OPPERPO of Nothing. Pope Pius Hellion rule the third. Enter heaven. Grazie, Pater Pietre, in the arms of the Lord at last! Hey, hey, man, what the fuck? My Lord, it's Jesus! Yeah, no, yeah, that's me, whatever, what the actual fuck, dude? Have I displeased you in some way, my lord? Yes, yes. Take a look at this. You mustn't, my lord. Holy, holy shit.
Starting point is 00:22:13 What is wrong with your dick? You, you are wrong with it. I, I did do that to your dick. How? By sanctifying 11 of my foreskins during your reign, you fucking asshole. But uh, you understand the people, they needed the hope. We were at war with the Gauls. I don't give a shit if you were at war with Dolly Parton, man. You're the Pope.
Starting point is 00:22:40 When you declare something is my foreskin, it literally becomes true in heaven. That's the whole thing with you. Oh, I see. I'm a real sorry. Yeah, you bet your ass you're sorry. I'm looking like a fucking anteater down here. What am I supposed to do with this thing? I can't go to the blowjob fountain with it. You can't undo it.
Starting point is 00:23:04 No, I can't. No, I can't undo it. You're the fucking pope. Excuse me, Jesus. What? Michael, I'm kind of busy here. It's just they added a couple of knuckle bones and we kind of need to get on this. Motherfuck. So there's a blowjob fountain up here. You know what? Not the time, man.
Starting point is 00:23:24 I'm sorry. I am Christopher Titus of the time, man you want to hear it in a way that doesn't rip your soul out, we'll make you laugh with it. At the end of the day, we just scream sanity. That's what we do. Can't we just talk sanity because they have to scream sanity. So tired of you guys screaming. I talk stupidity. Well, that's true. The Titus Podcast on all major streaming platforms, YouTube and at ChristopherTitus.com.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Titus Podcast, it's time to scream sanity. One, two, three. Table Read! The Table Read podcast is like watching a movie with your eyes closed. Incredible production, totally immersive. Get a behind the scenes look into the Hollywood process as real actors sit down and bring scripts to life in Table Read. If you've never listened to Table Read, I say check it out. Table Read brings you established and new amazing writers
Starting point is 00:24:31 with their scripts brought to life by fantastic actors. So check out Table Read. You never know what you might hear or who might show up. So ideally, check out Table Read. Come for the stories, stay for the laughs. It's unlike any other podcast. Listen and subscribe to Table Read today on Apple Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. When we left off, we were all wondering if magical objects have to come from the penis
Starting point is 00:25:15 of a Jewish guy. So what's next, Eli? The foreskin of Jesus is not, by any means, the only bizarre religious relic out there. Sometimes it's a piece from the small head, sometimes, as in the case of Oliver Plunkett, it's the whole of the big one. Oliver Plunkett was an Irish Catholic Archbishop who was the victim of something called the Poppish Plot, which was really its own episode, but suffice it to say, it was a fictitious conspiracy that alleged a plot to assassinate Charles II and which, while it to say, it was a fictitious conspiracy that alleged a plot to assassinate
Starting point is 00:25:45 Charles II and which, while it never existed, nonetheless resulted in at least 22 gruesome executions, including poor Oliver Plunkett. Plunkett was hanged, drawn, and quartered in 1621, but his head was preserved and sent to Rome, where, where incredibly it sat until 1921 in a nunnery Just a question when you quarter somebody where which quarters the head go with that's a great question, right? That maybe this is why I got sent to Rome as they couldn't decide. Yeah, okay, if the butcher likes you he puts it with your quarter It's like a baker's dozen homo meaning to thumb on the scale anyways there's just a fucking corpse head sitting in a
Starting point is 00:26:30 goddamn nunnery for about 300 years it's been since relocated to st. Peter's Church where it sits and can be viewed to this day alongside no shit a sort of certificate of authenticity Signed shortly after Plunket was officially canonized. Please don't say they have an elaborate ring toss game with this I mean they would if they unblocked my email see some I'm picturing like the carnival game with the hook where you go See I'm picturing the ducks. I'm picturing the dog. Yeah, sure sure. That's what I was thinking wrong fucking hat again I'm picturing the ducks. I'm picturing the ducks. Nice.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Yeah, sure. Sure, that's what I was thinking. Wrong fucking hat again. God damn it. Let's not forget the magic eight ball blood of Saint Januarius. Saint Januarius is the patron saint of Naples in Italy. And since the 14th century, they've had some dried up old blood. They are just sure is this guy's.
Starting point is 00:27:18 But it's not just any dried up old saint blood. No, this blood magically reliquifies three times a year. Except when it doesn't. But when it doesn't, that's bad news. A year without St. Januarius, blood liquefaction is a bad omen. And it's said by people who believe in magical relics that predict the future to have predicted bad shit in 1939, the beginning of World War II, 1940, the day the war hit Italy, 1943, the Nazi occupation, 1973, an cholera epidemic in Naples, and 1980, when an earthquake struck Naples killing 3,000 people. The blood did supposedly liquefy in 2020, failing to mark the start of a global pandemic
Starting point is 00:28:04 that killed nearly 200,000 Italians? Can't win them all, I guess. If you want something even more gory, how about the relic of the tongue and jaw of St. Anthony, who, unlike many saints, died of edema rather than martyrdom, whose tongue was found not to have decomposed after it was exhumed 30 years after his death in 1263. St. Anthony was renowned for giving great sermons, so they took his not yet rotted tongue and his jawbone for good measure
Starting point is 00:28:30 and made that fucker a relic. It is still a relic. You can go see it, and if you're lucky, might actually make its way to you if it goes on relict tour again, like it did in 2013. Just bring your unliked envelopes and stamps with you. Finally, we have to take a moment to remember the sweet, life-giving milk dispensed from the unsullied breasts of the Virgin Mary.
Starting point is 00:28:54 And what better way than to head over to the Chapel of the Milk Grotto in Bethlehem? The grotto was built in 1872, but had been the site of pilgrimages since the Byzantine era. You see, when Jesus was just a brand new, recently deprepused baby suckling at the tit of his virgin mother, some of Mary's breast milk dripped and landed on the floor. And the floor of the whole fucking place turned white in response to the mearest droplets of Holy Mother Mary's sweet titty milk. Now, either the floor was already a white chalky limestone, or it became and remained a white chalky limestone.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Either way, the church grinds up the floor into fine powder and sells it to infertile couples to mix with their smoothies to cure infertility. The church has an estimated net worth of at least $73 billion. God damn it, Christ. All right, you have to summarize what you've learned in one sentence. What would it be? The Earth is flat, the moon's made of cheese, and the rings of Saturn are made from the celestial baby's foreskin. And are you ready for the quiz? Hit me with it! While Tom failed to mention this in his essay, licking, kissing, or otherwise tasting the Holy Prepuce was a
Starting point is 00:30:11 disturbingly common occurrence. What? Why? A. Tasting the actual flesh of Christ was considered to be communion on steroids. B. Taste was said to be the most useful in determining if the prep use was genuine so that according to Canadian academic Mark Shells, the holy foreskin or money relics and Judeo Christianity, quote, a properly trained physician chosen by the local priest would taste the shriveled feather in order to determine whether it was holy or partly human skin and quote see they all had weird shit growing on their lips back then anyway so what the
Starting point is 00:30:50 fuck were they worried about catching or D all of the above welcome to flavor town how do you see the welcome to the How do you properly train a physician To taste the foreskin of Jesus Christ's future essay. I feel like I should have known how the election was gonna go That's like a cool like sommelier exam. I like It kind of bounces around your mouth when you swirl it, you know, that's sort of It kind of bounces around your mouth when you swirl it, you know, that's sort of That's off the bottom of the spit at the at the shrine of the holy circumcision You can get a t-shirt with the shrine on the front and this saying on the back zero a
Starting point is 00:31:37 tipping appreciated be Don't spare the rod. Moil the child see Church organ or D members only. Fantastic. Tom thinks it's a it's D is D. All right, Eli, why don't you ask yourself a question? Yeah, I was going to let you do it. Eli, would you like me to ask you a question?
Starting point is 00:32:04 Do you mind asking me my question? I work really hard on it. Eli's written a question for himself. Here it is. Just live in it. Obviously. The Holy Prepuce is an obscure and silly title. What should we call the Jesus's petrified foreskin instead? Hey, I like that you called him the Jesus, like the Christ. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:32:28 Jesus Christ. Yeah, the Jesus. Hey, the Holy Moly. Why Moly? I don't know, Eli. Why Moly? You wrote this question. Why did I say that?
Starting point is 00:32:39 Mole chemistry? Could have a mole in it, on it? Could have a mole in it on it Were you thinking of like a Dermatological situation? The tipping point Just tip okay, so I would and poor see The ring around the rosary C the ring around the rosary that's pretty solid but I needed more you can just do the a only thing I win yep do it all right and you know what I'd like us
Starting point is 00:33:15 all to do essays next week but who fucking knows hey everyone we'll let you know you know what's maybe here's tuned. No matter what, the podcast will still be free next week, so tune in. All right. Well, for Tom, Noah, Cecil, and Eli, I'm Heath. Thank you for hanging out with us. We'll be back next week and everybody will be an expert on something. Maybe? Between now and then, you can listen to Cognitive Dissonance, Lawful Assembly, Dear Old Dads, God awful movies, The Scathing Atheist, The Skeptocrat, and DND minus. And if you'd like to join the ranks of our beloved patrons, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod.
Starting point is 00:34:01 And if you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes, connect with us on social media or take a look at the show notes. Check out citation pod.com. 41 42 knuckle bones. There you go. Great. Yep. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Mr. Jesus, somebody's imagining you on toast again. We're gonna need a statement. Just one fucking day. No. In the dry states of the Southwest, there's a group that's been denied a basic human right. In the Navajo Nation today, a third of our households don't have running water. But that's not something they chose for themselves. Can the Navajo people reclaim their right to water and contend with the
Starting point is 00:34:45 government's legacy of control and neglect? Our water, our beauty. Our water, our beauty. That's in the next season of Reclaimed, the lifeblood of Navajo Nation. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.

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