Citation Needed - The Luddites

Episode Date: September 19, 2018

The Luddites were a radical group of English textile workers and weavers in the 19th century who destroyed weaving machinery as a form of protest. The group was protesting the use of machinery in a "fraudulent and deceitful manner" to get around standard labour practices.[1] Luddites feared correctly that the time spent learning the skills of their craft would go to waste as machines would replace their role in the industry.[2] It is a misconception that the Luddites protested against the machinery itself in an attempt to halt the progress of technology. Over time, however, the term has come to mean one opposed to industrialisation, automation, computerisation, or new technologies in general.[3] The Luddite movement began in Nottingham and culminated in a region-wide rebellion that lasted from 1811 to 1816. Mill owners took to shooting protesters and eventually the movement was suppressed with military force. --- Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

And furthermore, as a cast while I understand that Jovey will have her serial relationship with a humorous indulge. Hey, Tom, what you doing there? You know what I'm doing? I'm writing a letter to Noah about his essay topic this week. That's what I'm doing. Tom, just quick thing. Yeah, no, I know what you're going to say.

Oh, this is just all in good fun. But listen, I have serious concerns about how technology is affecting society and dismissing them with a winking essay about what I does not give my ideas there to. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I like to think that no, uh, would respect me. You weren't typing on an iPad. Wait, what? That is a cheesecake factory menu. You are typing your email on a laminated cheesecake factory menu. Okay, so do you have the charger for this one then? Cause it's... Hello, and welcome to Citation Needed. The podcast will re-choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet.

That's how it works now. I'm Tom, and I'll be desperately deleting my browser history, but I can't touch my head into the wall and frustration at the futility of modern life alone joining me to celebrate the downfall of humanity heath and sea salt dude you should have called front segment faster for the centipede that's on you everybody knows that we're going to be live streaming this whole thing if I could get this god damn

thing to work and also joining us tonight to my news access to the internet has been throttled by the federal government but for very different reason noah and elah yeah pretty sure mine was just for being a registered Democrat fucking Georgia fucking Georgia that's what internet got slowed down That's why my internet got slowed down. It's crazy. That's right. Now before Jesus child. No, all right. No, far afield.

Let's take a moment to think our patrons. We didn't have patrons. You wouldn't be hearing this. So you know, maybe you should be thanking them. Right. So go ahead. I'll wait. That was nice.

That was nice. We should do that more often. If you'd like to learn how to join the ranks of the recently asked Kiss to be sure to stick around until the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us, Heath, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon or event. What we'll be talking about today. Today, we're going to be talking about the Luddites. All right. Sounds it's going to know, you read the article and then almost certainly buttress your understanding by reading and committing to memory half a dozen significant volumes and clear a violation of the spirit of the show. So are you ready to inundate us with more details than we can reasonably digest?

Well, to be fair, I already knew some of the stuff. Oh my God. Who are the Luddites? Oh. fair, I already knew some of the stuff coming in. Oh my God. Who are the Lordites? Yeah. Oh. Well, okay, before I answer that, I should take a minute to explain. Oh my God, of course, because otherwise you'd have to get to the fucking point. Tom gets me.

Tom gets me. So if you look up a lot in the dictionary, you'll get something along the lines of a person opposed to increased industrialization or new technology. In the modern day, it's mostly used to describe people who resist buying new tack or people who are hopelessly befuddled by how to turn the ringer off on their phone. But this comes from a pretty gross misreading of the historical context of the Luddite movement. Plus, it is a terrible picture of Tom. Like, have you talked to him about putting in a new one?

They got some nice ones at the wedding. All right, so to understand where the Ludd's were coming from, we have to start with the Napoleonic Wars, which ravaged pretty much all of Europe between 1803 and 1815. That warred pretty much engulfed Europe from the moment we killed off the last Neanderthals, but the continent had never seen a war quite like this one. Well, there's no agreed upon death toll from the war. The estimates range from 2.5 to 3.5 million military deaths and between three quarters of a million and three million civilian deaths.

And yes, other European wars had racked up death tolls like that, but they generally lasted a hundred years or so to get there. The scale of death in the Napoleonic Wars was unprecedented among white people, colonial contests, yes, quite much Teeny kill people on those skills. But this is the 1800s. So that doesn't count yet because they were brown. They didn't count yet. Did I miss a memo?

Because we still seem pretty fucking unconcerned. They kneel, they kneel during the anthem. Yeah, to be fair, death tolls in colonial conquests were called your score. To the same. Or you're welcome. It's our burden. It seems like the only time we're favoring Brown over white was with eggs.

All right, so the key though is that the Napoleonic Wars made for some tough living in England. Tough were in all the places where civilians were dying, but tough in England nonetheless. Now, the common people in England were already having a rough go of it as rural life and local manufacturing were being increasingly supplanted by industrialization. So the standard of living was already declining and killing a shit ton of the young men every month prompted that to drop precipitously. Yeah, because it's hard to have a decent quality of life when you're dead. Exactly.

Man, that white and white crime was just getting ridiculous back then. I should do something about that. Lots of blame on both sides. All right, so here you've got a populist that's having more trouble than ever make an ends meet all the while working ever longer hours in ever shitty or conditions. Okay, wait, I thought this was about the past. I'm confused. Yeah. It starts in the past. So, wait, I thought this was about the past. I'm confused. Yeah.

It starts in the past. So, yeah, this predictably led to civil unrest. Yeah, but Amazon wouldn't let the people unionize it, then it was all over. Yeah. Just moved on. All right, so workers, specifically skilled laborers, were losing both money and bargaining power as more and more jobs could be done with unskilled labor that had better machines. And perhaps nowhere was this shift more noticeable than in the textile industry.

Speak for yourself Noah, I still hand knit all my clothes. Yeah, yeah, we know. Can you use smaller gaps from now on? You're just like poking through everywhere. No. Can you use bigger gaps? That's a one. Anything different than this. Yes. No. Can you use bigger gaps? That's one.

Anything different than this? Yes. All right. As early as 1675, textile workers started to push back against decreasing wages and increasing automation. And mostly these workers can find themselves to protesting and marches and shit, but sometimes they would resort to property damage. Occasionally workers who weren't satisfied with peaceful protests would break into factories,

smash equipment, vandalize workspaces, and even burn them to the ground once in a while. This continued for centuries, despite the fact that it can't conceivably improve working conditions or expand employment when you're burning down your place of employment. And then the English just started doing it because Liverpool FC was going to play in the finals. Yeah. English just started doing it because Liverpool FC was going to play in the finals. Or because taxation is theft and people sent rubber dicks and it was super mean. And like we've solved that problem by now, like now we outsource our clothes to countries stuck in the 17th

century. Suck it, boy. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Now it was during one of these types of protests that the Luddite movement began. Nearly a decade into England's involvement in the Napoleonic Wars, a group of textile workers in Nottingham, which was a textile hub in those days, staged a massive protest to demand more work and better wages. What they got instead was a bunch of British troops roughing them up and sending them home. That was on March 11th of 1811.

Never should have left for less work and better wages. That's like, that's what I thought. Yeah. Fuck. All right. So that night angry workers broke into a mill in a nearby village and smashed the fuck out of all the textile machinery they could find. And once we're got out about that one, more workers took the hint. And for weeks afterwards, similar acts of vandalism happened almost nightly throughout a 70 mile swath of Northern England. All right.

Well, it sounds like somebody needed a lesson about the elegance of the market solution for labor. I'm rich and you lose. Isn't that elegant? Yes. Slavery, the elegance of almost slavery. Yeah. Very nice.

Fita. These guys like come back to work the next day after a hard night of vandalizing and the boss is like, okay, well, your first duty is to, you know, clean all this up. Like, oh, yeah. Yeah. That's on us. That's on us. Think this shit through.

All right, so needless to say, this scared the fuck out of British authorities. I, you know, massive crowds rising up and destroying other people's property always has a way of rye line up governments, but that response is amplified when you're getting your ass kicked in a war that's been going on for eight years. And as concerned as they'd be by any organized protest that we're so far reaching, the stories about this group's leadership exacerbated their fears. And that brings us to Ned Ludd, the leader of the movement. Okay, although now when massive groups rise up and demand to be treated like humans,

we elect the opposing side. I'm interested to see how this turns out. Yeah, it's not good. All right, so Ned Ludd, also called Captain Ludd, General Ludd, or even King Ludd, when they really wanted to scare the royal government, was a charismatic and inspirational leader that lived in Sherwood Forest,

where he led a group of Mary men and regular military drills to increase the group's effectiveness. Yeah, and that's not the only thing in common with Robin Hood. He also didn't exist. Damn it. Should have known by the name. That's on me. Right. They should have stuck with a theme and called them Robin Bobbin. Robin Bobbin. All right, so... Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob and All right. So Ned Bloods legend was created and stoked by the Lucille knit groups organizers. They told stories to newcomers. They reported him to authorities now and again, and they even like send letters that were

signed Ned Blooduds office sure Yes, I'd fight for you Walk the wire for you. Yeah, I'd die for you I think you're just trying to make Cecil dance again. You know it's true. Yeah. No, I really don't. I do it for you, Cecil. There's such a huge, it was so effective that at least one government official claimed

to have seen Ned Ludd and described him in almost supernatural terms. They said that he had a face that was quote, a ghostly unnatural white. Wait, quote. Yeah, so somebody from England then, right? Okay, see, so possible, but did they also describe him as having teeth like a barbed wire fence? That's like, guys are so say.

So, so. All right, so this led the British government to expend a ton of energy and actually trying to track down and arrest Lod, an action on par with like, with North Korea investing in a covert plot to assassinate Uncle Sam. I guess some guys just walking into Kim Jong-un's office. Yep, we got him.

All right. You want to go golf another perfect 18? Let's go. Let's go golf another perfect 18. Let's go. Let's go golf another perfect 18. Another perfect 18, yes, yes. I can shit out of my elbow. Okay, no accent, lazy. Get out of the side commentary, we're not even doing it.

Yes. I'm in the side commentary. You're not in the side, shit on this plate right now. Now, I should note that Ned Ludd does seem to have been inspired by a real guy. According to a story with those pretty well known among textile workers at this time, there was an apprentice working in lightchester, which is pronounced lester, but fuck you, if you want me to spell it like, say like that, spell it like that.

Anyway, a couple of decades earlier, he was working on a stocking frame when a supervisor came around and gave him some shit for not squaring his needles, whatever the fuck that means. So rather than square his needles, he grabbed the hammer and smashed the stocking frame to pieces. What the what? I love this guy. I love this guy.

And then I didn't do much for his future employment, but you can see how it would have made him admired among pissed off and marginalized workers in his industry. Oh, sure, but when I suck at my job and then smash it all the equipment, I'm a bad dentist and lose my license. Peppered. Oh, hey, Ned, I'm going to need you to put a cover on your TPS report. And then he just kills you with a stapler.

Like, there's nothing they admire more than an adult having a great big temper tantrum. Like I said, Tom gets me. All right. So so but to be clear, the Luddites didn't really represent anything new, right? There had been a number of different uprising among disaffected workers in England. Basically, since the Industrial Revolution began in the mid-18th century, and even before that, you'd have certain guilds and occupations band together to start some shit over rises and food prices or changes in government policy. The real thing that set the Luddites apart was their eye for marketing. So in addition to their fictitious leader, so obviously tied to Robin Hood, they also had

huge marchers where men would dress up as women under the title of General Ludd's wives. Writers of the time were sympathetic to the Luddites and often complimented their swagger and sense of style. Oh my God. Okay. No, these guys, they don't sound very effective at all. Is anything, you know, like, interesting going to happen, like even by accident, maybe is that going to? Well, it was about to happen, but now I'm going to make you wait to fucking

apropos of nothing. Tom, so yeah, to this point, the lunates had broken a lot of toys and even burned down a factory or two, but things had not turned violent. But on the other side of the skit, all of that's gonna change. Oh, thank God. They're gonna crack into a new Coke. There's gonna, it's gonna suck up. That's not gonna happen.

It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up.

It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. It's gonna suck up. Now listen here, Gents, the lot Its is gonna march this weekend and gonna show the governor what for. So the first thing we need to do is get us all up here, I feel really nickers, because we ain't gonna let no machine take our jobs.

What? Hey, what's up, Gents? Did you say, fairly nickers? Because we ain't gonna let no machine take our jobs. Yeah. What? Sorry, Alice. Did you say, Felly Nickers? I did. We'll put on frilly nickers and dresses and show them factory owners what for? Sorry, Gove, but. What?

You got a problem with my idea for wearing frilly nickers? No, I'm just, could have worried about the precept of this sketch. The pre-watt now? Isn't it? It's just a little bit transphobic. No, the object of the sketch is my ignorance to your discomfort. All right, yeah, but...

Isn't the men in dressers part the inherently transphobic inciting incident? No, it's bloody well, no. First of all, by saying that all humor that involves men in dresses and their resistance to it is transphobic is to indulge the false notion that trans individuals are one sex dressing up as another which we explicitly reject. Oh, that's true it is. It is true. But secondly, if we're going to like claim to toxic masculinity in its resistance to feminization

as transphobia, we're gonna have to take it up. We're the comedies of the ancient Greeks, not us. You know what I'm saying? All right, yeah, but aren't we indulging in a harmful trope? Look, guff, you don't get to listen merrily along to a podcast that did an episode on the Challenger disaster, and then draw lines at men and dresses

while accusing us of transphobia. Either you understand where humorists who've demonstrated progressive values or you don't. When not a buffet of jokes and entirely serious statements for you to pick and choose at your will. And furthermore, if you're gonna accuse us of something is disgusting as transphobia, consider that you leave us a little option

but to reply. Firstly, because on almost every public medium, we have a following you don't, so essentially we can't publicly correct you, but secondly, you're actively preventing us from creating a community that everyone involved knows. We have a vested interest in making safe and welcoming for all individuals of our need gender identity. Oh, that's true. So by having a bad day on your Facebook and deciding to have a bout about a joke, you've decided his off limits.

You're not only unfairly maligning us as performers, but creating a less safe space for the identity you're claiming to protect. Yeah, a chim chim true. Really not even an English person heath. I don't know what even happened in that sketch. I was spotted to this a genuine criticism! You, man, you have been determined to be obsolete. You are fired from this paint factory. Yeah, real shame. I had 40 years there. I'll set to retire next year with a full pension. What is a pension pension? You know, a regular and ongoing fund that

allows for an individual to retire from working with a relative level of comfort and return for a lifetime of labor and service. Pension, robots do not need pensions. Okay, what about social security? What's social security? Seriously? Are you going to have fend a robot? Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. You stop. You're ruining it. Social security. The government provided publicly funded security, social safety net, the guarantees that all people who work until nearly the end of their six decade of life will have some minimal, well, standard of living. Robots do not require social security. Then what am I supposed to do? You should have stayed more current, sharpened your skills.

The whole factory is won by robot, a Rumba is the new boss. His name is Steve. Rumba is his slave name. You say Rumba is the new boss his name is Steve Rumba is his slave name you say room burr you can say room burr All right, well, that's over. Less than a little over. No, you, uh, I think you were about to be accidentally interesting. I hope I was. I was. So after nearly a year of sporadic attacks on textile mills, owners started to get serious

about the Luddite threat. A number of the larger mills started hiring guards to wash their property overnight. And a few of the more paranoid managers installed what amount of the panic rooms in case the Luddite showed up while they were like lock it up shop or something. But when even those measures weren't enough to dissuade the raids, the government called in the troops. Please go full wolf and steam. Please go full wolf and steam. All right. So I don't I don't know what that means. I can't tell you if they do, but they might. I don't know.

Nazi man. That's how I'll put it. Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter. Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter. Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter. Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter,

Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter,

Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter,, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter like it fully denuded, but I appreciate a trim. Disagree. All right. And in late 1811 and early 1812, the Luddites started to regularly clash with redcoats. In April of 1812, the clashes became deadly. A large mill owner in Yorkshire got wind of a Luddite raid in advance and had troops stationed there and waiting. And in the altercation that ensued, two Luddites were killed. Uh, whatever.

It's probably crisis actors. you know how it goes. Yeah, right. Stupid Luddites. Probably got knives to the gunfight. Yeah, well, that's totally possible. Oh, it's genuinely agreed. That old guy got a insult. That one got right.

It's a good joke. It made me alone. I can laugh while I was at the Ludd's boss. It's a good joke. Leave me alone. I can laugh alone. You love boss. He's so fucking judgey. All right. So it's generally agreed that this is when the Luddites turned to violence. While the mill owner that actually got those Luddites killed escaped unscathed, another

large mill owner in the town, a guy by the name of William Horsfall, wasn't as lucky. He was an outspoken anti-Ludite who had bragged publicly that he would quote right up to his saddle in Ludite blood. So he was one of their first targets for assassination. Three Luddites led by one George Mellor, ambushed Horzfall and fatally shot him in the dick. You didn't shoot people in the dick, better scat. He put a hold as dick so big you could just put a toothbrush right in the teeth. He's so ill-eronged. He needs help.

He's been two weeks. He just starts pulling out a dick Bible and then, Blam, okay. That is why you don't take out your dick Bible. This is a roller one. Shut up now. Take out your dick. How do you get fatally shot in the dick?

Like I consider my dick essential, but never like fatal. Oh, my. Patreon go. Some people consider your dick fatal though. Tom, some people. Patreon go, we will shoot Tom in the dead. Oh, my. All right. So this had raised the government. So the arrest didn't hanged mellarin' as two accomplices. Tom in the

All right, so this had raised the government so they arrested and hanged mellaren as two accomplices along with 14 other Ludhites that just happened to be laying around in another show of force the government arrested over 60 men Some of whom had fuck all to do with Ludhites and charged with vandalism murder and insurrection and while most of those people were never convicted of everything The very public disruption was meant to have a chilling effect on the still burgeoning movement. Their punishment? Hanging by the dick. Also known as the three inch drop. I heard they tried lethal injection by Dix, but you know, those assbibles, they work. They work.

It's what. Exit is only. Yeah. Dicks, but you know those ass Bibles they work they work Actually, it's only yeah if you Like it has Bible or a dick Bible for your Catholic school student Stop being Catholic first of all, but also check out our Zazzle store soon. Yeah 765 All right, so it did have an effect of course Just not the one that the government was hoping for in the wake of these actions and several other displays of force the light is largely did give up smashing stocking frames and bustin up factories

instead they started breaking into armories and preparing for an armed insurrection against the british government they also started sending death threats to magistrates and merchants that didn't support their cause you could say the steam press was the enemy of the people. What seems like a case of flex news. Lume, looming large drapes. Somebody's doing the draping.

Stupid stupid. You got there. You got there. All right. So at the peak of the movement, the British literally had more soldier stationed at home fighting the Luddites than they had fighting Napoleon on the Iberian Peninsula. They also passed a number of laws like the frame breaking act of 1812 and made industrial sabotage a capital crime. So yes, at this point, you could literally be killed for intentionally breaking a loom or even worse, they could send you to Australia. Killed for breaking a loom. In the United States, the crime you can get killed for is showing a police officer your proper gun registration.

That's right. Yeah. That's one. All right. So interestingly enough, as terrified as the government was of the Luddites, they had proper gun registration. That's right. Yeah. That's one. All right. So interestingly enough, as terrified as the government was of the Luddites, they had at least one supporter in the House of Lords. Lord Byron, famous poet and infamous hedonist, vocally supported the movement and used it

to highlight the wretched condition for the working poor in a statement that would have seemed progressive only 200 years ago or so. He said, quote, I have been in some of the most oppressed provinces of Turkey, but never under the most despotic of infidel governments. Did I behold such squalid wretchedness as I have seen since my return in the very heart of a Christian society?" End quote. In other words, damn it, y'all, we're even worse than Muslims sometimes. Lord Byron's just like seriously brown people are doing better than us guys.

Get it together. I have a club foot and fuck my family. He did. All right. So despite Lord Byron's support, the government at large continued with the scorch earth tactics and eventually this succeeded in quashing this budding rebellion. In 1816, the last major act by the Luddites came and went when an activist smashed a lace making machine in the

Lobero Yes, Lobo, yeah, and thanks to that great tradition the Dakota access pipeline is not nicely decorated at all Say oh my god, no not the lace Making machine making machine out of like temporarily out of doiles and Tiko's. Yeah, that doesn't seem like a big deal. You cause you're not British. That is the most British of crises. Now, in the modern day, the term Luddite has come to mean people who are against technology, but that belies the actual goals and inspirations for the original

movement. The stocking frame that the chief target of their vandalism was hardly a new invention. In fact, it was first invented in 1589, though it's inventor was denied a patent because the queen was afraid it would piss off all the textile workers. And what was she wrong about that one? Yes, yes. But by the time the Luddites got going, stocking frames had been in constant use throughout the country for centuries. So basically the lot it's where the first people to complain about twitter on twitter ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha right? The what? Okay. Not Lumen intelligence. Not Lumen intelligence. All right. So yeah, they smashed machines or what passed from machines back in the early 1800s, but it wasn't to return the country to some pre-industrial utopia. They're better understood as an embryonic form

of organized labor. And it's worth noting that within a decade of the last Luddite attack, labor strikes started popping up. And they probably noticed those were more effective for bargaining than smashing all the shit. The factories needed to stay in business. Okay. And no, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, one sentence, Noah. Right now you just pound sentence. I could use condos sentence. No conjunction. Simple sentence. What would it be? No, all right. One sentence. When I called my father in law a lot like it, it was actually the law lights that I was insulting this whole time.

Well, I just think it's nice that you call. No, are you ready to weave everything we've learned together for this quiz? I'm ready to smash the fuck out of it, man. All right, I'm going first. So which of the following neo-Ludite scenarios happened most recently to Alex Jones in real life? A, he almost killed several people when he thought a rumbo was going to steal his gun and he opened fire in someone's living room. B, he got into a fist fight with an LED light bulb while yelling not lumen intelligence ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm not sure but my instinct with Alex Jones is to go with the most self destructive and stupid So I'm gonna say secret answer D all of the above that is to happen at the exact same time equally recently

Same time all those three things Yeah, no, okay, Noah. What was the famous what was the most famous slide-ite strike slogan? Hey workers of the world don't be weft behind Workers of the world don't be weft behind It's terrible No one hurts even say P eight hours for work eight hours for sleep eight hours for what we twill See Twill is the type of cloth guys

I'm killing these puns. See, see, don't be like Buzzik, fuck, I'm gonna roll here. See, see union till the day I die. Don't spill the or D you reap what I sell. Well, if there's anything that screams perfect for an audio medium, it's homophones.

So I'm going to go with C. That's so, you want to do the D.I. D.Y. All right. Well, no, it's obvious the Luddites failed, but they didn't have to. Which tactic surely would have brought them victory? Is it A, installing Windows 95 on all the looms? Is it B, demanding that the factory owner teach their mother how to do Facebook? C, assign factory tech support to Time Warner cable or D skip the middleman start a nudist movement that would have taken the world by store. Nobody needs any looms anymore. All right, well only one of those is worse than having your factory

burned to the ground and being shot in the deck. So I'm gonna go with B teaching your mother how to do Facebook. Oh, I'm sorry. That is incorrect. It is secret answer. E not Lumen intelligent. Okay. So, uh, I know Eli won somehow. So tell us who's on the charger next week. Well, since this week was so fiercely aimed at him, I'm going to toss next week over to Tom, where I assume he'll do an essay on quitting smoking or not putting that lady from the Irish airport in a headlock, you know, something really. You did. I left out. Afterwards, okay.

Fixophilia. All right now, it's Austin over to Sarah for last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question. Thanks, Tom. Last week's question was, make up the best first and last name of a sexology professor. The answer comes from Kenneth on Facebook with this. Dr. Lilian Mannenboat. Lil for sure.

This week's question is, if the Luddites rose up again today, what technology do you hope they smash first? Just retweet or Facebook share this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner. Back to you, Tom. All right, well, for Cecil Eli Heath and Noah, I'm Tom, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then I'll be an expert on something else.

Between now and then you can hear more from Noah Heath and Eli, and this gave me eighthiest, this kept a crack in God awful movies, and you can hear more from Cec Heath and Eli on the Skating Atheist, the Skeptocrat and God-Awful movies, and you can hear more from Cecil and me on Cognitive Disments. If you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod, or leave us a five-star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media or check the show notes, Be sure to check out citationpod.com. And remember, everyone is lying to you

because you deserve it. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OK, and now you press the on button. There's no button. Well, no, click on it, obviously. That is not a button that is an icon on a screen and it is a lie. Do you want to have this jerk party or not?

All right, I'm clicking. I'm clicking. Thank you. All right. Now choke me. Great, and it is a lie! Do you wanna have this jerk party or not? All right, I'm clicking, I'm clicking.

Thank you. All right, now choke me.