Citation Needed - The Nazino affair

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

The Nazino affair (Russian: Назинская трагедия, translit. Nazinskaya Tragediya) was the mass deportation of 6,000 people to Nazino Island in the Soviet Union in May 1933. The deportees, mostly political prisoners and petty criminals, were forcibly sent to the small, isolated island in Western Siberia, located 540 kilometers (340 mi) northwest of Tomsk, to construct a "special settlement". They were abandoned with only flour for food, and little in the way of tools, clothing, or shelter, and those who attempted to leave were killed by armed guards.[1][2] The conditions of the island led to widespread disease, abuse of power, violence, and cannibalism. Within thirteen weeks, over 4,000 of the deportees related to Nazino Island had died or disappeared, and a majority of the survivors were in ill health.[3][2] The Nazino affair was virtually unknown until 1988, when an investigation by Memorialbegan during the glasnost reforms in the Soviet Union. The events were popularized in 2002 when reports of a September 1933 special commission by the Communist Party of Western Siberia were published by Memorial.

Okay, what if we agreed to go to the same restaurant, but I don't sit at your table. Still no, hard no. Okay, dude, it's been like half an hour arguing about this. Yeah, you remember at the time, yes, if you could drink the same water, remember that? Surprise! Oh, hey, Noah, what's the surprise?

I got you guys. You got us? How? Yeah, you know how Eli always does this little pranks based on what the show topic is. I love it if you didn't refer to him as little. I'd be like, that's in here. I've died. I've died several times. True. Tom died. Well, this is mine. I knew we were going to do the the Nezino affair. So I've been starving myself for the last 10 years to get ready. 10 years. Yep. I've eaten nothing but flour and water and pretty sure I have dysentery.

You should see you guys' faces right now. It's not. None of us were even in podcasting 10 years ago. So I don't know. I hit a witch with my car. It doesn't matter. Did I get you though? I mean technically again, I ate nothing but flour and water for 10 years and now I have dysentery. So I hope, no, yeah. You got us. No, yeah, sure.

Got us. Got us real good. Yeah, awesome. Yeah, awesome. Yeah, that's good to know. All right, I'm gonna go shit until I die. Unrelated, but me too. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts because this is the internet, and

that's how it works now. I'm Heath, and I'll be hosting today's gathering of white men who all secretly agree with me that socioeconomic cleansing can be done humanely and But nope all liars first up. We have white Kim Jong-un and Fidel Castro on Rogaine Eli and Cesar Geath you mean the second man in history to golf a perfect game and Dennis Rodman's You mean the second man in history to golf a perfect game and Dennis Rodman's I take that as a compliment. Thank you. Yeah, and it's not Rogane. It's hair club for men. You can literally make a clubhouse from what you pull out of my hairbrush. It's like a couch for and also joining us tonight. We have

Momar Gaddafi with Gout and a guy who We have Momar Gaddafi with Gout and a guy who doesn't look like any famous dictators and fucked up my thing. Tom and no. All right, I get a lot of shit, but I believe that my whole law, Fawgra, takeout restaurant is going to change the world. And he's, I mean, I get mistaken for Chachau School basically every time I go to Romania, but fine, fucking whatever. It's not the thing. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you.

I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you.

I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you.

I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. I was gonna say that for you. 100% for sale if you'd like to make a purchase we'll tell you where to go at the end of the show and With that out of the way tell us Eli what person place thing concept phenomenon or event Are we gonna be talking about today today on the recommendation of patron nefetus? Thank nefites The first noise is close. Nepp. Nepp. Pitties. Neppitties.

Neffness. Neffness. Nope. We are gonna be talking about this. I can't even say it right after you say it. We're gonna be talking about the brand's end of the fair. I believe it's pronounced Nazi no. And see so.

You cracked a mo. You're cracked open. Your weird collection of genocide memorabilia and found a stop. Are you ready to cland splank? Brilliant. I am ready to travel back in time when we were even worse to deport these. Great. So you think you could start us off with a good segue genocide, you know, to like one massage. Absolutely. Absolutely. So some people may be familiar with the holiday

more, which killed between 3.3 and 7.5 million people in Ukraine in 1932 and 1933. This was basically a four starvation of people that lived in the region and probably deserving of its own show. So while things were totally fucked and people were dying of starvation in the west of the USSR, the same thing is happening in the east in Siberia. Okay, what was that three to seven million people?

Cool. No, that was the perfect terror famine yoga warm up. I'm feeling nice and loose. Good. So when does the Nazi know a fair begin? The story starts in 1933, two of the leaders in the Soviet party that had a the secret police and that had a gulac system come up with a plan to deport about two million people to some unworked land in Siberia with the overall plan to make that area into farmable land in a few years.

Can everybody a hair dryer? They're soil below there somewhere. You lazy fucks get to. One guy raises his hand. Well actually, it's probably easier if we burn some fossil fuels nerd boom James inhoff hits them in the face with a snowball I mean to be fair the corpses of people you've worked at that are like the third best compost right? All right, see so I know how this one ends it. They all get casinos, right? That's how

the good ones get casinos. So the people story the people that they were considering deporting were the Kulaks, which literally translates to tightfisted, but more loosely translates to mainstream media. I feel like it's mainstream media. Deep state. It actually loosely translates to affluent peasants. And I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but these were the wealthiest of three classes of peasants and they own large farms. Affluent peasants sounds like a great band name. That's it.

I mean, I'm playing instrument. But honestly, like, I feel like affluent, peasant, wealthiest and classes are all oxymoronic when you're a couple of them with communists, right? Yeah. So these people were a threat to the government because they relied on it less than the other classes of workers, and they could be somewhat self-sufficient. So the style in that government was doing whatever they could to eliminate or at least bring to heal this group of farmers. The fuck this is, this is like Stalin is some like weird shitty, codependent boyfriend.

Like what's he gonna do next? Like send flowers, kiss their best friend and then man cry about his sex addiction. Yes, actually. All right, Cecil. So in terms of the Kool-Ock questions, they rounded up a bunch of triple parentheses, Kool-Ocks and sent them to Siberia. Not exactly, actually. They had every intent to send the Kool-Ocks to Siberia, but instead they deported a bunch

of people from Moscow and Leningrad. These people that got deported were all unable to get a government ID. And the government wanted to give passports to everyone that lived in major cities. And they did this to, quote, cleanse Moscow, Leningrad, and the other great urban centers of the USSR of superfluous elements not connected with production or administrative work, as well as cool ox criminals and other anti-social and socially dangerous elements.

Okay. I feel like anti-social would include the guys who want to ship millions of people to Siberia would. Yeah. Yeah. This sounds like the DMV, but with the stakes of doc out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I just, I got to clarify already and I'm sorry, but like, they wanted to get rid of the cool locks. And so they deported like a whole different group of people instead. It's like I said, it's like kissing your best friend and then sending her away. It's all very confusing. I didn't, I didn't include this, but I think, and it's not, it's not connected. But I think it's because after the holiday mor, they ran out of cool stuff. That's what I think. I don't know that that's true. But I think that's what

the case is. We're like, oh yeah. Oh, man. Bravo. All right. So, genocide's are funny. Cool, Edman's funny. He's a giant skull. Just. Yes. I'm so tired of it.

Here a phone from outside. Sarah, you need to go to the beginning of the line and fill out these nine forms here. That's the proper coupon. All right. So these people that they picked up were, quote, former merchants and traders, peasants who had fled the famine in the countryside, petty criminals, or anybody who did not fit into the idealized communist class structure. And quote, so murderers, peasants, and people who bring cups to a potlock, you know, the

worst of the worst. And so the government also missed the mark with the two million figure and only deported about 85,000 from Moscow and about 5,000 from Leningrad. And they deported all these people prior to May 1st. So far, this is the least efficient genocide ever. Like, are we just spoiled by German efficiency? Yeah. They miss by a lot.

They were trying to get two million. I mean, like, what's their next move? Like, 1.9 million people found out they may have already won some valuable prizes in some of Korea. So they stick these deportees into trains and they send them east. They had a daily ration of food that they gave them and it was 300 grams of bread per person. That's a little over 10 and a half ounces. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it turns out it's enough to get your ass beat by the

criminals that happen to be on the same train car. Oh, and the criminals also stole their clothes too. Naked and afraid. Siberia edition. Also bad place to be naked. Very cold, scared turtles everywhere. You'd have to get beat up if you say celiac at any point. Absolutely. So where they shipped these people off to? They were deported to the Tom's region of Siberia. It's in the western edge of it. They initially sent 15,000 deportees to this area, but then even before the scheduled opening and presumably well before they were ready to have anyone there, they deported 25,000 more to the camp. The people are running the

camp naturally panic. The wiki article says that the Tom's authorities viewed the deportees as starving and contagious. Like, yeah, right. Like people were going to catch starving from them. Okay, but silver lining, if you're already starving, you can fuck another starving person without a con. Okay, that's cool. Right. This is what we can't do a live show in Cape Town, Heath. This is not why this is not why. There are a lot of people rounded up with proper paperwork that was either confiscated when they're arrested and the officers didn't pay attention to it or it was taken and this is great quote, on the train by criminals who use them to smoke and quote,

and I have no idea what that's. Classic excuse making my dog ate my homework, a criminal smoked my person. Like none of this makes any sense. Like they wanted to deport people, but then they deported some other group of people instead. And then they deported too many people and then the but then they deported some other group of people instead. And then they deported too many people and then the people that they deported were again the wrong people and now Cheech and Chong are smoking everyone's very important papers. What is happening?

So when they arrive in Tomsk, the authorities are particularly worried about the criminals that spent the trips stealing Brad and clothes and passports to smoke. So they decide to send those people to the most isolated camps. And it turns out that in Russia, because it's so goddamn big, isolated means 800 kilometers away from Tom. She got to get those guys out of there. Like when you're deporting people to die in the cold, you don't wanna mix your bad guy corpses in with your good guy corpses. And that's fine. Fine.

They take some barges that were purpose-made to haul wood and stick 5,000 people on them. Now, about a third of these people are criminals. They kept all these people below decks when they traveled. They gave them some food, a daily ration of 200 grams of bread. And they also had a large supply of flour about four kilos per person. Oh, that's helpful. The problem though was that was pretty much it. They didn't pack any other kind of supplies or tools. The wiki says quote, all supervisory personnel, two commanders and 50 guards were newly recruited

and had no shoes or uniforms and clothes. Okay, all right, not for nothing, but those guards are also prisoners. Yeah, I mean, if they can't spare some shoes for you, you don't work here. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm shoes for you, you don't work here. Yeah, yep. All right, so it sounds like they're about to build paper mache Atlantis and start a thriving civilization. But before we get to that amazing happy ending

that's obviously coming, it's time for a quick break and some opera poe of nothing. Okay, great. Everyone settled down, cavemen. Cavemen, today we're going to figure out our economic system. What? Economic system. What is a economic system, come, are we been over this? You know, like communism, capitalism, socialism, economic system.

Tag like capitalism, tag vote capitalism. No, of course. What, what, capitalism good? Of course tag like capitalism. Tag's father leave Chinese rocks for tag. Mungo want communism. No, Mungo only say that because Mungo's dad eaten by parodactyl. No, no, not the boy.

Guys, guys, prepositions, please. Grog has idea. Mungo always has to. What we do is, we say capitalist, while institutes several socialist policies, then make boogie man of hyper capitalist examples and hyper communist examples brought on by war profiteering so

Tag get to keep rocks. Tag get to keep rocks and mango have social safety net mango have social safety net have social safety net. Oh, so good. Sounds pretty good. Comin' nice. That sound good to you, no illusions. Damn it, guys. I'm not that old. Oh, hey Noah. I had this amazing idea.

Oh, those always go well. No, no, no, hear me out. Imagine if we were able to turn our patrons into super patrons. I don't know what that means. Neither do I, exactly, but I was thinking about our topic today. I'm gonna love this, huh? Right, I didn't get to finish. See, that is where the super patrons come in.

I'm so lost right now, dude. Well, I aggressively resettled all our patrons to an isolated island. You fucking what? Let me finish, and my plan is for the stronger patrons to consume the weaker patrons. You're not saying anything, so let me keep going. I created a situation where the $2 patrons

will buy necessity eventually eat the $1 patrons. What, how does that help? Well, they'll become $3 patrons. Hello podcast listeners. We wanna urge you to become a patron. We will make sure that you get shows early, here exclusive content, have access to our suggestion box, and you won't be aggressively resettled.

I don't, no promises. I don't. Okay, go to patreon.com slash citation pod, and donate today. Okay, I'm not firm on the resettling. And we're back when we left off. Russian Thanos was shipping off half of Russia to call him so what's next to you, Cecil? Okay, so they shipped them to a place called Nazino Island, Nazino Island. And the boats land on May 18. And takes them eight days

to travel the nearly 500 miles from the original camp in Thompson. The island is a shitty swampy piece of garbage land about three kilometers by 600 meters. But enough about the dimensions and taste of Chicago pizza. And enough about things that are eight days from everywhere. Well, before I was rudely interrupted, the swampy piece of garbage land island was called New York. And so they didn't bother to record who was on the boat, but they did count the women and men. So when they disembarked, there were 322 women in and 4556 men. Oh, and 27 dead bodies because people died on the way up there.

Kind of like a large-scale version of the current US Congress. Okay, so let me do this up 14 guys to one woman sounds like a Comic Con. Yeah, or an atheist con. No, yeah. So I'm guessing 300 grams of bread daily wasn't enough to be super healthy because the article says a third of the people that disembarked were two week to stay. Jesus. A week later, another 1200 deportees landed on the island for resettlement. everyone's knocking their 300 grams bread out of their hands fresh Circle game Is that one like little kid that looks at their 300 grams of bread and still makes you cut in a fucking hexagons and out crusts or whatever

I would eat that kid first. I'm just saying I eat that fucking kid first spoilers I would eat that kid first. I'm just saying I eat that fucking kid first. Spoilers things things things right away on fantasy island. We're not so great. They they start to distribute the only supply that they had to the group and it was flower. They had 20 tons of it deposited there. What's the positive there? The distribution attempt lined up in a great big fight between guards and deportees and the guards who did not have shoes, apparently did have firearms and they opened fire to people. And then there was plenty for everyone to eat, probably so. Russia's time. Yeah, I'm sure the purge was helpful, but you know there's still a bunch of people putting

their dicks in that giant pile of flour. There's no way I can do that. That's what you do. Like fucking Roseanne Barr. Yes. You get me. You get me. It's dry and wet at the same time kind of.

Yes. Right? Terrible? Yes. Amazing. The guards also moved the flower off the island to the bank after this. And there's no mention whether they moved the chicken in a box at the same time. The guards tried to distribute the flower the next morning. What happened was the guards gave it to selected people that were in charge

of distributing it to about 150 people. And these people were called the brigadiers. Yeah, this seems like one of those promotions like entitled only like congratulations, you're a brigadier. Can I have shoes? No. And those brigadiers were definitely pissed because they clearly had to sift through all the flower and pull out all those cum clumps like with a cat litter school. Yeah, I mean that's that's clearly what's happening. Look, we can buy fucking the flower. Okay, I'm the only one who's fucking

going to play me and Eli are fucking the flower and you guys are fucking the flower. Yeah, whatever. Imagine this. You and me just in either end, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high,

high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, applies other than flower. They had no ovens, so they couldn't make any bread. And so they mixed the mix of flour with a tiny dash of river water and choked that down. And what they did account for was the human waste that was also in the river and they got to sit there. So yay. Okay, I have so many questions like, why bother shipping them 20 tons of flour at all like why just take them all out of a boat and sink the boat.

This seems at this point like a waste of flour. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and more importantly, when you're talking about river water and Dissentary, why do we keep returning to Chicago pizza in this essay? Are you from the sea? Do you need something to eat? So the deportees tried their best to escape this place and they had a few things going against them here is a short list.

They were on an island with no supplies so most couldn't get across the river. Okay. Feel like that's kind of irrelevant. Was life going great on the other side of that river? That's the other. No, actually weirdly enough across the river, a sandals resort. You didn't just sandals at this point, right?

It was all the flour you could eat. That's why I'm using all the flour you could eat. That's why I'm using all the flour you could eat. They're in a landscape called the taiega, which is not just the dual land and magic the gathering. Evidently, it's a shitty coniferous forest that has poor soil. So I didn't see.

So that's a great reference, but nobody who plays magic, the gathering listens to our show. They can't afford this free podcast. Also, who plays red green, whatever, get a red blue going, get a fucking guy, get some counters, you fucking idiot. Grow up. The only place you could escape to was 500 miles away. A tree. It's like some other,

there's just some Siberian grandfather trying to tell about his childhood, like, we had a handful of flower and had to walk to school. 500 miles upstream each way. to walk to school 500 miles upstream each way. And finally, if you somehow made it across the river, then made it into the Tiago forest unsupplied, the guards just hunted you for sport. Just Russian Eli smeared in shit and flower walking super slow past a guard, singing violin music like Bl, I'm not the predator. I could see you right there. I'm you're right there and it was mud by the way

Potato potato giant golden crucifix All right, so they hunted them for food not sport they hunted All right, so they hunted them for food, not sport. They hunted food. All right. Also, like, I would be wearing shoes made of peasant skulls 10 minutes after getting off back about. Even though, you know, there's this big long list of things against them to try to escape. It didn't stop people from trying hundreds of plucky deportees tried to lash together, makeshift rafts to escape. And the guards coincidentally also found that many drown corpses on the shore.

Right. Seems like being a guard isn't really, you know, much of a bonus. I feel like, I mean, like that stops mattering really soon, if it mattered at all. You know, like, can anyone even remember what they were guarding? Again, like there's nothing here to guard. Well, two, two, 20 tons of flowers. But, yeah, Lauren Southerns great grandma's sitting on a log blocking people like a goalie. Okay. So, uh, does it start getting all better now? See, solar. Oh, no, no, that was only the start. Then things got really bad. Things on the island descended into total chaos.

The guards didn't do much except execute people for minor infractions. Yeah, like having meat bodies. They didn't try to say break up or punish the gangs of criminals. The prisoners started to have large fights where many of them were killed. They fought over everything valuable. Food, gold, tooth fillings and money. And before we ask, I don't understand the money and the gold part either, man. Okay, well, without the gold to back it, the flower was just a Ponzi scheme. Now I understand. Yeah. Yeah. But at this point, like I think having teeth

is kind of unnecessary for my kids. So the lack of plant-based foods cause people to switch to other dietary supplements, dead humans. Yeah. And the way the article reads, they didn't wait for people to naturally expire. They were just, oh just killing people to eat them at a certain point. So a lot of people.

But May 21st, three days after they landed there, doctors noted that 70 people had died since they landed. And five people had signs of cannibalism. And the next 30 days there were 50 people or so that were arrested for cannibalism. And the article doesn't there were 50 people or so that were arrested for cannibalism. And the article doesn't say what would be different about being arrested. They left that part out. Well, I'm assuming the prisoners got the cum clumps of flower.

But otherwise, I'll say. Oh, yeah, Jesus. Doctors, what the fuck were the doctors? They didn't bring spoons. Even the guards didn't have shoes or food. They had nothing, but they brought doctors. Oh, we don't want any good sick on cannibalism island. We don't have red doctors. Doctors. That's forward to early June. The Soviets decide that the settlement thing is not working.

So what gave them that idea? What did they make? They decided to transfer 2,856 deportees to another settlement a little closer to Tom's. And I want to point out that there were 6,000 deportees about three months earlier. They presumed that about 1,500 to 2,000 died from this list of possible causes. Quote, starvation, exposure, disease,

murder, or accidental death. End quote, 2000 ish of the others just disappeared and were presumed dead. And I know these numbers do not add up. Yeah. No. And it feels like it's not that hard to make them add up when you have a category called, uh, fucking, I don't know, disappeared other, whatever. Not here now. Yeah, like was now in my belly, a listed cause of time. So now they transfer all these people, uh, 157 of these deportees were just left there because they were too sick to travel. Also, just

during the transfer a couple hundred of these people died. They get a 157 they left behind just finally all the flower we want boys get fucking. The local communist party had sent a letter to Stalin. He referred to the deportees as quote, outdated elephants. Yeah, I heard there were about 3000 of those in Puerto Rico, barely any deaths though. Just outdated. Yeah. He claimed that 6,114 of the deportees arrived in May. He told Stalin about the lack of shelter and supplies for these people. And he said that 2200 or so died. The Soviet government decided to start a commission to look into this. And they found that quote of the roughly 2000 survivors from Nanxino Island, half were ill and bedridden. And that only about 200 or 300 were physically capable of working and quote that number would have have been a lot higher though if they'd had podcasting back then.

What I'm saying is our job would be easy enough to do if you were starving. Fucking the flower pile, the podcast. Let's do it. Yes, we don't need to wait. Just to add, like just curious Noah, how did you get off that island and why aren't you hungry yet? The Soviets were so outraged that they gave the responsible guards and officers harsh prison sentences of 12 months to three years.

The Soviets started adding up numbers and found that this and other resettlement projects were not terribly successful. Quote. They were terrible. They were. Hold on. Let me read the numbers because it gets better. It gets better.

It gets better. There were 367,457 known untraceable special resetters. Oh, he said 151,6101 were dismissed and 215,856 simply disappeared from their settlements. End quote. I love Wikipedia.

Look, it's like Kellyanne Conway doing play by play for the Holocaust. from their settlements and quote, I love Wikipedia. What the fuck? It's like Kellyanne Conway doing play by play for the Holocaust in Jesus. It's like our special resettlement trains are picking up plenty of outdated elements. People are saying six million or seven million, we have alternative facts that say otherwise. Dr. Mangalek, he was asking the Nuremberg guys if they read his op-ed and the times it's

weird like we are. I'm not, man. I see some turn understand like, what would they have counted as a success with this project? I don't know, but they counted on an abacus made of skulls. Right. So I think we have to leave this on an upbeat note. I want to quote from an eyewitness, a heartwarming story about a guard,

and the girl he fell in love with. Really? Quote, on the island there was a guard named Kostya Venakov, a young fellow. He fell in love with a girl who had been sent there and was courting her. He protected her. One day,

I don't need the flower pile. I'm gonna go to the flower pile. I got you this bouquet of flowers. One day he had to be away for a while and he told his comrades take care of her. But with all the people there, the comrade couldn't do much really. People caught the girl, tied her to a poplar tree, cut off her breasts, her muscles, everything they could eat, everything, everything. They were hungry. They had to eat. When Kostya came back, she was still alive. That's me.

He tried to save her. He's a happy party. She had lost too much blood. Now the quote cuts off there, guys, but I like to think the story ends with and they lived happily ever after. He's just like, are you, are you hurt? Are you dying? She's like, no, I'm fine.

I'm fine. It's like, no, you're obviously they cut off your breasts and you're dying. You should make your die. I'm fine. I'm fine. You're making a big deal out of this. I'm upset that you're making a big deal. I'm not making a big deal. I'm not making a big deal on them. I'm not raising my voice. I'm staying, I'm fine, you're making a big deal out of this. I'm upset that you're making a big deal. I'm not making a big deal.

I'm not making a big deal on the marines in my voice. I'm staying totally calm. Maybe if you didn't go to the flour pile, your dick would work. Maybe if you still had breasts. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Oh Hey guys I quit the podcast

Seasaw if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence Disregarding last minute or so what would it be that you can fuck a flower pie? No idea. I'm not a quitter. I'm going to try. You can fuck pretty much anything. Really any powder. Just clear. All right.

Well, are you ready for the quiz from the panel? It's not saying much, but I'm more prepared than anyone else in this week's essay. So, yeah, that is true. All right, I'll go first. So as Noah mentioned earlier and exemplifies every day, you're never too starving or too sick for podcasting work. So what was the name of the Nazi no affairs premiere skeptical podcast? Was it a Gologna? Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney,

Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, Disney, Gulagna, being atheist. I think I'm going to go with my favorite there. God awful living conditions, which it turns out is also what we're going to call Eli's new house that's filled with his message. So it's a tricky term, Cecil. All right, so this all sounds bad, but really when you think about what Russians eat now, like a handful of river rocks, flower and human shit Isn't that far off the mark? So which of the below is a real Russian meal time favorite?

A. Meat jelly That sounds awesome B. Layered herring salad C. Raw pig fat Okay ring salad. See raw pig fat. Okay. Or D all of the above. I'd eat every single one of you mother fuckers before having lunch at a Russian restaurant. I'm going to go with secret answer E actually all of those are ingredients on New York style pizza. Very true. Yeah. All right. All right. So when they finally make a movie about the Nazino affair, what should they call it?

A, the hunt for bread October. B, cannibal Durham. C, three sisters, Alamo, or D, from Russia with love. It's gotta be B, because cannibal Durham is a master of punk as Durham is a type of flower. It's fucking brilliant man. That is something I didn't fucking know when I wrote it. Obviously, no SD.

It's for brushless. Oh, fuck sure. All right. Noah, you stumped him. You are the winner. Well, I'll tell you what, I haven't spent enough quality time with spell check recently. So I'll say Eli can be next week's essayist. Yeah.

Great. I'm good at that. Awesome. All right. Well, for Eli, Tom next week's essayist. Yay! I'm good at that. Awesome. All right, well for Eli, Tom, Cecil and Noah, I'm Heath. Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then, Eli will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can hear Cecil and Tom on cognitive dissonance, and you can hear Eli know and myself on God awful movies, The Skating Atheist, and you can hear Eli know and myself on God awful movies, the skating atheist, and the skeptic rat.

And if you'd like to purchase five certified organic GMO friendships, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes, connect with us on social media, or take a look at the show notes. You should check out citation pod.com. And remember, Eli is not a New Yorker anymore. Took away his card. Not. It's true. And then Mungo say, Mungo gets shiny rocks out of politics, but still takes shiny rocks from other cavemen. Oh, so it seemed like mongol no care about Shiny Rock now.

Exactly, exactly. This is good plan. Could not backfire.