Citation Needed - The Ryugyong Hotel

Episode Date: January 17, 2018

The Ryugyong Hotel (Chosŏn'gŭl: 류경려관; sometimes anglicised as Ryu-Gyong Hotel or Yu-Kyung Hotel)[4] is an unfinished (although topped-out) 105-story, 330 metres (1,080 ft)-tall pyramid-shaped skyscraper in Pyongyang, North Korea. Its name ("capital of willows") is also one of the historical names for Pyongyang.[5] The building is also known as the 105 Building, a reference to its number of floors.[2] The building has been planned as a mixed-use development, which would include a hotel. Construction began in 1987 but was halted in 1992 as North Korea entered a period of economic crisis after the fall of the Soviet Union. After 1992 the building stood topped out, but without any windows or interior fittings. In 2008 construction resumed, and the exterior was completed in 2011. It was planned to open the hotel in 2012, the centenary of Kim Il-sung's birth, but this did not happen. A partial opening was announced for 2013, but this was also cancelled.[6] As of 2018, the building remains unopened[7] and has been called the tallest unfinished building in the world.[8] Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

Dude, just run a spell breaker. I don't want to run a fucking spell breaker. I know, but unless you want to play priest and be part of the problem, well, no, dragon priest is not part of the problem. All priest is part of the problem, he's all done. Okay, don't. All right, back that up, that's good. That's good right there.

That'll be good. Hey, no, no, where do you want these microphones? Uh, put those in the C section. Sector C. Hey, Noah, no, where do you want these microphones? I put those in the C section. Section C. Hey, Noah. What um, oh look out. What what you doing there, buddy? Ha, finally, can you guys get a hard hat and help Tom find the pop filters? No, my question. Are these them? No, no, Tom, those are mic stands. Seriously, that guy. Noah, why are you building a giant? Oh, yeah, this.

Well, you know how when we started, we said we wanted this show, we wanted a citation needed to be the biggest podcast ever. Yeah, yeah. Season like I was talking, and we're like, why wait? Why not just make this the biggest podcast ever? What about these? Now those are XLR cables buddy, pop filters.

I know what, no I think the third floor mixer is gonna collapse. Um, is it gonna... compress? Oh, that is not helping Heath. Jesus, just put a winch in there I'll see what I can do when we're done with these mics. Uh, Noah, I don't think that this is what we all meant by biggest I mean Yeah, man, this is awesome. I can't can't can't wait to get started great great. Thanks guys

How about this these that those are your shoes Tom. You're you're now holding your shoes. Are you sure? Hello and welcome to Citation Needed! The podcast where you choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because it's the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Cecil, and I'll be your Sherpa this week. But to make it up this mountain, we're going to need some pack animals, so I brought along a few asses. First are two men who have never been to an all-you-can-eat buffet, despite going to a lot of places that made that claim, Ethan Tom.

Vigilent Bellagio was like, hey, if you're tired of the buffet, there's a country music festival over by Mandalay Bay. You guys should check it out. It's fun time. I hear bump stocks playing. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. the fat thing with anything else. Mm. Also joining us tonight are two pretentious assholes that would have asked for a leaner cut at the Donner party Eli and Noah. Okay.

All meat is murder, Cecil Ferret. We have my blog. That's what I'm saying. Let me navigate to it. Let me navigate to it. It just says I'm the first person ever here. That's it. No.

I made that welcoming thing. Every comment would just Cecil first. I made that welcoming thing. Every comment would just see so first. I just want to be say to be fair on the Donner party thing. That's one of them situations where the result kinds of good reasons not to fatten up. So yeah, give me a leader fucking cut. All right, before we get started today, we wanted to take a second to thank all the patrons that help keep our show running. Patrons are amazing, even if you accidentally pledge money to us and you meant to pledge

it to like another show. We're going to a similar title. I mean, I guess similar title, but anyway, it's cool. We'll still take your money. If you'd like to, how to join the people who pledge both correctly and incorrectly, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. I'm going to do that. I put that out of the way.

Tell us Tom what person place thing concept phenomenon or event we'll be talking about today. Well today we'll be reaching into our Patreon suggestions. Major Dennis Bludenock suggested we talk about the, thanks. This is going to be great. Ruddngong hotel. Neil Bunyan's hotel. Sure you know that.

The Bunyan's hotel. Yeah. Fuck you guys for making me pronounce that first. I'm not even, you know what? I had so , I had plenty of time to Google how to pronounce that and I decided it's Bunyan's. I think, I think all that time taking Korean is a second language paid off Tom. Nicely done. Nicely done. I'm also good at that starcraft game.

What is that called? Starcraft. Starcraft. I got it. I got it right by accident. Okay, so just real quick. No, why are we covering a hotel? Well, because this hotel is the fourth largest in the world.

It's older than Eli, and it's never housed a single guest. Huh. It's a lot like my colon, actually. No, he said never. Never. That's not the one I meant. It's a parasite, a guest. It's not like invited per se.

It's just hard to get rid of them. Well, this line that's written is really not going to work, but I'm just going to try it anyway. All right. No, you got me with the lead in why hasn't it had any guests? Because this hotel is in North Korea and there is no level of fuck up where they cannot achieve. So I want to say at the outset that the Kim dynasty has been overtly compensating for something for the better part of a century here.

Yeah, tiny little buttons. So like, for example, if I were to ask you where the world's largest stadium is, you could be forgiven for not guessing Pyongyang. But could I be forgiven for guessing Madison Square Garden? Because that is a stadium, right? No, that is a garden Eli. And the names pay attention.

No. And yet he persisted. So despite the fact that basically no other country ever goes there to do anything, they built a hundred and fourteen thousand capacity stadium. Right. So that North Korea's national football team could play their varsity team, I guess. And by that, you mean Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman playing FIFA on a jumbo shot. I was show up at the stadium to see that. I got to be honest with you. And so, and when they opened that stadium, by the way, in 1989, they opened it with what Guinness recognizes the largest event in the history of the world.

What? Gennas recognizes the largest event in the history of the world. What? It was a ginastic performance that featured more than twice as many entertainers than spectators. Well, that's actually a famous equation, the golden gang bang ratio. Other level of events at the state is a spiral. It's a large fee to go see that though. I large fee Christ

Okay, so other notable events at the stadium also included the largest pay-per-view wrestling event of all time And the burning alive of a bunch of generals Kim Jong-il didn't like so much. Oh, please say these were the same event. Fire wrestling is so unarrated, guys. Well just like wrestling, you know who's going to win. It's scripted, though. Hence it's the fire. Just Kim Jong Un waddling around the arena like gladiator. Get a little bit of, are you not entertained?

Putin skates past and scores a hockey goal against a tiger. To get in, you have to climb a mountain. There's a shrine at the top and you have to defeat the ticket master. All Asians are the same. Confirm. So yeah, so superlatives matter. A lot in North Korea was the point of that diversion, especially biggest.

And if they can't get biggest, by the way, they at least want bigger than the biggest one in South Korea, which is tough for them to do because South Korea isn't an international pariah shit hole country full of starving people with intestinal parasites from resident evil resident evil ten sanctions of despair don't be silly guys intestinal parasites are way scarier than resident evil oh no here i am alone with infinite bullets in the ability to shake off all the gravity at infinite uh...

so in nineteen eighty five there are national inferiority complex was triggered with South Korea, completed construction of the 63 building. Now, at 817 feet or 249 meters, it was the tallest building in Asia, and it was nearly twice the height of the tallest building in North Korea. A year later, the West and Stanford Hotel opened in Singapore, which, though smaller than the 63 building, was at the time the world's largest hotel. So North Koreans set about constructing a hotel that was even bigger than the 63 building. But I've just built a giant dick. I don't know.

Put a giant vagina right next to it. Just be honest. If they build that dick, they need to put two world trade centers, sevens on either side of it. And accept, but they don't just they don't disappear when it gets hot. They go away when it gets cold. It will ride. It's right. And they blow up every morning at noon. And then a little bit at 1230 and a small trickle after dinner. All know, you're a sput. All right, so what emerged from all of these plans in this Friday was the Ria Gong hotel. Now, quick word on pronunciation. Oh, fucking no.

I hooked it up. I got conflicting answers. I'm just sounding it out. It means capital of willows. I'm guessing because that's the tree most heavily associated with weeping and headaches. You'll see why. So the plans for this fucking thing,

like Kim Jong Il was planning a snow fort during a sleepover. You can just imagine it with the little marshmallows in their hot chocolate, the little funny pajamas. So the blueprints, they call for a peridimalshaped tower that would top out at a thousand and 80 feet, that's 330 meters,

which would have made it the largest hotel at the time by all. Fucked on. It would have remained the largest hotel until 2009 to give you an idea in the cone that sits atop the pyramid. They plan to have eight rotating floors topped by six stationary ones like a Rubik's cube. Yeah, right. Now, the plans also called for no fewer than five rotating restaurants and 7,665 guest rooms or 3,000 sources very wildly on the last bit.

I feel like you got to choose between building a hotel with 3,000 guest rooms and torturing children to death for touching your posters, right? Am I crazy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can care about more than one thing, you know. You're right. No, I should explain that the building itself isn't a true pyramid.

Okay. Okay, I was about to ask about the geometric integrity of the family. Yeah, me too. Me also. Were you? Really? Yeah. Yes, I care about, about about what what do you care about?

Pimento rig Nenaren Finti nailed it What about that too? We hope that we're rigging a fernigan in his and in as well But so if you would just imagine you we have three wings each of them about 60 feet wide They slow up towards a common center and see so I know that degrees of inclination matter a lot to you in story. So I looked it up, they slow up towards at 75 degrees. Oh, yeah.

Hi Sarah. Yeah, yeah, go ahead with the headstone. Yeah, no, just two words on it. Died happy. Okay. Oh, yeah. Hey, no, what were you saying? I'm sorry, I was on the phone.

Okay, so yeah, no. So I'm going to do a lot of specifics of the design here, but I have to add this odd little detail as well. The plan for the building called for 105 stories and 330 meters. Oh, yeah, if you're doing the math in your head, you'll notice that those are some tiny, yes, little stories.

To give you a point of comparison, the largest hotel in the world now is JW Marriette, Marke and Dubai. That's 355 meters much taller. It has 77 floors. You want to go to 105 store building that the one world trade center and so on has 104 stories. It's 541 meters. So I guess they were counting on people to crouch a lot or there's

just like 82 really tiny stories in the middle. I don't know. Croshing hotel hidden famine. It's not so much in actually. Yeah, right. Yeah, I heard they were either planning for a thousand crawling floors or one giant studio. But so they compromised. Right. No, they. There's a 46 of these floors were built specifically for John Melcovitch. See, I thought that like KJU is just like super into that show tiny house. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, it's North Korea.

I cannot disconfirm any of those. So that may that could have been could have been any one of them. Anyway, okay, so construction begins in 1987 with plans to finish in 1989. Because how long could it possibly take to build an unprecedented skyscraper in an underdeveloped nation with little international trade, especially when keeping mind. They were also building the world's largest stadium at the same fucking time. They started the same year, needless to say, they missed the deadline by 29 years and counting. Same delay as my abortion, fun fact.

All of you in the left. All of Eli's prostitutes just scratch him with coat hanger screaming. I never wanted you. Okay. I'm going to see his own. My prostitutes don't speak English. So it's silly. So the next five years, North Korea would pour something like 2% of its GDP into this

project. And in 1992, they finally reached their intended height. Me too. Yeah. Me too. Still waiting. Of course, now at this point in 92, it's just a windowless, on a dorm concrete shell, but the skeleton was completed. Me too. This is uncanny. The skeleton was skeleton modeled after their own citizens. Yeah. Right. He's done. At this point, a Japanese newspaper estimated that they'd poured about $750 million into the project,

about 1.3 billion in today's money, and bats as far as they were gonna get in that particular century. I mean, why not stop there? Like giant looming corporate hellscape with no purpose. It just screams North Korea, right? Done it. Or Dallas.

Dallas, people either left the street. Honestly. In 92, the Soviet Union collapsed and that led to economic crises all over the communist world. North Korea was particularly a hard hit because they were already something of a shit hole before that. And the collapse of the USSR happened to coincide with a bunch of droughts and other natural disasters. So with a giant impossibly ugly triangular husk hovering over their skyline, they halted construction. For over a decade, it would just sit there capstone by a rusting crane. I just want South Korea to build a 331 meter statue of a literal white elephant just to

get dead. I know there's a wasted opportunity. We all know pyramids make wonderful ancient grain or reason. They should have pulled in Ben Carson as a consultant. They have the droughts going on everything. They should have known. All they need to do is put this thing up on three sender box and they'll go full trailer part. All right. So why did they stop working? I just got to say, look up the old pictures, look up the pre like 2000 pictures.

I know. I do. I do. I do look more like I should be up on three center blocks. It's crazy. It's crazy. All right. So the official reason that they quit doing it was that they ran out of money.

And that's pretty easy to believe. But there are rumors that there were also some pretty serious problems with the construction up to that point. In an effort to lure international investors, the North Korean government agreed to relax their oversight and allow things like casinos and nightclubs that aren't normally permitted in the hermit kingdom. Unfortunately, that relaxation of oversight apparently also extended to building inspections. To be fair though, this place is doing way better

than any of Trump's casinos. Like Trump wishes his casinos made zero dollars. Yeah, right. He would have been brought to the back to what he did to those casinos. Yeah. Sure. I love this casinos.

All our people are starving to death in the streets. What should we do? Let's see, uh, food? Oh, no, no, too obvious. Yeah. Now you can have three lemons. It's even better. Potatoes potatoes every time pull the lever just comes up mud, mud, mud. Lawn, lawn, lawn. It comes up three generations and they're shipped off to the camp. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus. So according to Marcus Nolan, I have no idea who the fuck that is, but he cited in the Wikipedia article and it doesn't say, Marconos. Oh, yeah, that's it. I'm according to him, the European Union Chamber of Commerce article that it doesn't say. Mark knows. Oh, yeah, that's it. According to him, the European Union Chamber of Commerce in Korea, inspected the building in the early 90s and declared it irreparably fucked up.

They raised questions about the quality of the concrete used in the construction and multiple sources described the elevator shaft says, truck it. It's amazing. You know, fucking wonky favor. Is it, uh, is it plum? Oh, God, I remember plums. Yeah, so much better than, oh, God. Yeah, so much better than, uh, grass and babies.

Oh, God, I don't care about this elevator anymore. I'm just going to go and lay down a guy. Jesus. Oh, I don't care about the celebrate anymore. I'm just gonna go and lie down and die It's like all right fuck it. We'll make all the elevators a romp Be like beatle juice By all the people Kim Jong-un had executed with aircraft guns Fucking pile a soup your luggage to your room. Okay, see so you might want to describe something not amazing. So the people are super excited.

All right, so international media dubbed the reagong the world's worst hotel, the worst building in the world, the hotel of doom and the Phantom of the hotel. But of course, the Kim regime called it a temporary delay in completion and probably killed all those people who were saying all that hotel of doom. Shit. All right. So we got a giant lump of uses concrete and half a show left to fill. So is there anything left to say?

There is, Cecil. North Koreans do not give up easy apparently. Great. Are you listening, Trump? All right. Well, before we learn about phase two, let's take a quick break at Propos of Nothing. Hi, welcome to the Rang Young Hotel checking in. Yeah, why don't you have an Asian accent? Oh, some members of our cast like to chicken out about stuff like that.

Oh, you, I'm not even in the thing. Fuck you, get back into character. You get back into character. I'm not even in it. Anyway, how long will you be staying with us? Four days. You guys got really great reviews on TripAdvisor. I know, everyone writes one on their 13th birthday. Mine, I still remember it was I love and

honor this hotel. I die for this hotel. Perfect in every way. Five stars. Right, right, okay. Right. So you are on the 237th floor room,736, 4736. Now, just to heads up, those rooms are a little bit low. Like height wiser. On oxygen, don't interrupt, or we will literally torture you to death. Right, sorry. So, the elevator is behind you to the left,

and just to heads up, it's a little, I wanna say like clunky, you know, like clunky. How do you mean? It's like being raised out of a well in a steel box. Very quickly. Got it, got it. Okay, well, will there be anything else? No, okay then, enjoy your stay or else.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ And we're back. When we last left off, the North Korean regime had halted construction on their ill-advised hotel, and Noah had enigmatically suggested that it wasn't the end of the story. So what did they do with their unfinished building? Well, first, they mostly tried to pretend it didn't exist. For over a decade, the government made a concerted effort to make sure no pictures of the skyline that were released internationally included the thousand foot eyesore that dominated the city.

They would just like take pictures of the left half of the city. It was. But when they couldn't get away with cropping it out, they would turn to air brushing it or as photo manipulation technology improved, photoshopping a better looking building over top of it. That a blurry dick in the sky? And a Yeti? Yeah, right.

He's just going on your first day with the hotel. You don't look at anything like your profile picture. Yeah, I took it a few years ago when I was the Waldorf historian. No, at this point, I kind of need to emphasize just how hard it is to piece together modern North Korean history. So if you've been listening since episode three, you'll remember that nobody's even 100% sure how old Kim jong uh... in a similar vein we're not a hundred percent sure when his dad died as early as two

thousand three rumors of his death started to circulate uh... a japanese professor was considered an authority on korea by the japanese government postulated that he had died a diabetes is and was being impersonated by the assassination decoys that he'd been employing and then a silly is that sounds you can't discount it entirely because it's North Korea. Yeah, actually speaking of which, how sure are we that Donald Trump isn't actually Ric Flair the nature boy?

I'm not sure. Like you ever see them together? Most people of course are actually pretty sure that Kim Jong-il was still kicking around well after 2003, but starting in 2008, there were widespread reports that he'd suffered a stroke and was no longer able to speak. Now, first the government denied those rumors and then they tried to downplay him, but eventually they did admit that he suffered a massive stroke in August of that year. And while they insisted he was doing just fine, no more official photos of him would ever be released.

Oh, wait a minute. They admitted that he had a quote, massive stroke, but now he was just fine. I feel like a massive stroke and just fine or something of a disconnect. They released a speech, but all he did was sing Monomona. He could probably do some Joe Cocker to write. I should remind everyone that the North Korean population believe this man had no rectum and shot an 18 in golf. Okay, the idea of the Nican Elvis trophy just be like, fuck that. That wasn't like that wouldn't be the silliest thing they believe. So, um, here you got this nation whose government is completely dependent on the infallibility of the man

at the top. The man at the top blows spit bubbles when he tries to talk. So in what some have suggested was a desperate effort to show the population that somebody was still in charge of something construction resumed on the Ryu-gyong hotel. Oh, good. That would be really reassuring. Like, hey, we're a deeply impoverished nation led by an unstable autocrat embroiled in a ceaseless war with the entire free world and our leadership can't wipe its own ass.

So we should probably finish our weird hobby pyramid for the guests that will never arrive. That will never arrive If you build it they will stay right so Seven thousand So after sixty crouching It's the biggest little people can mention ever just listen to stretching out in the hallways I'm like in love it here a stretchin out in the hallways. I'm like in love here. Squip, dip me in.

Just did he like, supplicants, you know, he's just like, I wish they were always bound, it's what I wish. So yeah, so after 16 years to just fugly it up the skyline, the real young had become a symbol of governmental incompetence and unrealized ambition. Keep in mind that Kim Jong Il's successor is approximately the same age as this goddamn hotel. Right?

So what better way to send the we're still here message than resuscitating that project? Uh, I'm gonna say, Rubbe Goldberg missile testing. They thought of that later. But yeah. It's like the nationalist version of terrible hair implants. I get it.

I like that. Yes, that's Exactly. You got that buddy and he's just like, notice anything. And I'm like, yeah, you're asked on your forehead. Are you turning into a wolf? Oh, that's the best situation is that you're turning into a wolf. It's more like that than you realize. as it happened north korea head just contracted this Egyptian firm called the aroscom group to run their 3g mobile network and apparently at some point somebody's like hey you're Egyptian we got this fucked up pyramid little help

aroscom stepped in to help them resume the construction it's not racist for saying you're good at pyramids. You're saying exactly. Exactly. It's good. You wouldn't, you hiring a black life guard? No, you're not. It's important not to be racist about these things, but you got to admit they should have used Mexicans because we all know the pyramids were built by illegal ancient aliens. So.

It's so bad. It's such a touching. It's so bad. It's so bad. It's so bad. It's so bad. It's such a touching. It's so bad. It's so bad. it's a racist. My dad. Okay, but didn't you say that the building was declared irreparable?

I did see. So irreparable is how I pronounced it, but you know, same basic concept. Whatever, yeah, same thing. All indications. I'll just put that in and post it. Yes, too. I'll just put that in and post it. It makes everyone gets to do reviews,

but me and the athletes will. It's one of our wacky dynamic. It's so easy. No, he's just everyone else's dialogue. Eli's acting up, hit him with his cow danger. Wait till you hear this episode, he's gonna just cut in a native Korean speaker, uh, wherever I have to say you go. All right.

So all indications are that the building was irreparable and still is because the motherfucker is still not open, but that didn't stop him from sinking more money in it. So in 2008, they started slapping windows and shit onto it and they declared that it was gonna be ready for occupation in 2012. I was later changed to 2013, which was later changed to, you know, and eventually. That's kinda weird.

I mean, if they wanted to occupy, they should have just skipped the windows and put oil in it. Trump's wants an occupy too at this point. Yeah, but, but work was getting done this whole time. So by 2011, the exterior work was complete. So at least it looked like a real building from a distance. In fact, it's a beautiful building on the outside. A year later, a group called Corioteurs published the first ever photos of the interior of the building, which lacks a single fucking fixture. There's no flooring, there's bare unfinished walls, rebarges sticking out of concrete

here and there. There is a full, this is a full year. By the way, after the exterior work was completed. Yeah, just call the whole thing modern and assholes will pay to sleep on beds made of rusty steel. They're overthinking this, this is what I'm saying, they're overthinking this. Right. Yeah, just like turn it into modern art museum

or like a vegan restaurant. It's like a lot of ways to go. Or a bridge in Minnesota. So it's better than some things yeah now i can't say any of this for certain because it's north korea but all indicators are that the building is just beyond fixing and that all they were doing with the seduction company was making it look like a bill

of course that they're sinking government money into it in the population starving so they have to at least pretend that they plan to eventually open it but considering that not a single calorie of labor had been expended on the parts that you can't see from the street, it's hard to believe they ever thought they were gonna really put humans in it.

Living humans at least, those gods of generation camp, mass graves are gonna run out of space. It was too late. Mashed. I mean, to be fair, this is a hotel in North Korea. So no one was ever going to go there anyway, except it's quasi journalists from vice and shitty college kids hoping to take edgy pictures

of their despot and misery themed vacation. So it's actually kind of perfect as it is. Yeah, right? So by 2012, the international hotel operator pulled out and basically had the whole deal annul'd. Good call, if they hotel operator pulled out and basically had the whole deal annulled. Good call. If they hadn't pulled out, they never would have gotten the annulment. Oh, and by March of 2013, the government,

their government had officially suspended plans to open the hotel. Sometimes they just got a power. Even the squeaky way. But rumors of it's still opening surface whenever somebody sees six guys in a hard hat within a hundred yards of it, just to give you an idea how bad it is now. In November of last year, there were reports of that on consecutive nights, residents nearby saw a single light out of one of the windows on an upper floor and even that anomaly was enough to make international news I'm expecting this to become like some weird lighthouse in a shitty Thomas King Kade painting now Just Kim Jong-un spending a night there alone because Dennis Rodman dared him to just

They call it a phantom hotel man. You can't play with the Ouija board too. I'm not going to play with the Ouija board. Of course, even though the hotel never opened and almost certainly never will, in a very roundabout way, Kim Jong Il did get a superlative out of the deal. The Ryu Kyung hotel is the largest unoccupied building in the world. And that's a record nobody's ever going to touch. And if you had to summarize what you learn in one sentence, what would it be? There is no butt plug too big for a Kim.

Well, your expertise isn't quite beyond reproach yet. So are you ready for some reproach from our panel? No, but I will be by spring of 2019. Probably. All right. No, in North Korea gets a bad rap, but it's trying to use social media to promote its image. What are some of the tools they've tried to spruce up their national brand? A Snapchat filters that recognize and Photoshop out the corpses in the background for that perfect image.

B, free North Korean selfie sticks. It's the camera adds 10 pounds. The population looks twice it's sad. See North Korean Tinder swipe right on your true love while stoking the fires of the creamatorium sending the bodies of three generations to be relative to the sky as a Or D a private Facebook group where everyone complains about how hard their lives are all the time because laundry or work or something Type well. They're sitting in a temperature controlled building morning, which pint of Ben and Jerry's are gonna eat all of in one sitting and Crying because they're fast. No, sorry, that's America. We are a thankless awful people.

All right, you gave it away at the end. The right answer is D. That is America. We are a thankless and awful people. phenomenal. All right, Noah. North Korea is an amazing destination. What are some activities suggested by the North Korean tourist board? A a a rousing game of follow the dear leader BICBM toss C Propaganda poster tug of war The most dangerous game. Yeah

Also called test your white privilege D the 50 meter freedom fun run. There's obstacles on that one too. You get to can't take a car right to the starting gate. That drive that car. Right. All right, I'm going to go. I feel like generally speaking, the most offensive answer is the right ones.

I'm gonna go with C, the propaganda poster tug of war. It is. I would answer you, but I'm gonna call him. Okay. All right, Noah. Now, there's no question that the Riyangong hotel is he perfect symbol of North Korea. He wasn't ready.

He's a North-Earred. And it was, there's no question that that's the perfect symbol of North Korea. What other hotels serve a similar purpose? Is it A, the Germany hotel, a lovely, welcoming, clean little inn built on the bodies of my grandparents? Is it B, the Venetian, an elderly rotting place that you heard good stuff about, but smells and is a good place to get robbed. Or C, the America Hotel.

Beautiful tons of potential, but the top floor is literally filled with human shit. All right, well, I'm going to go with Eli. I'm going to go with see the America hotel because we stayed at that one in Salt Lake City. It was beautiful. That's right. Yeah. Okay. So the little young hotel is basically a giant dick and should I have to be called the MGM gland. And they should obviously make a vagina hotel next door called the slits Carlton which is the following which the following is the best slogan for a hotel that's a giant vagina. Is it a tighter rates based on W double optimizing? Is it be discounts for the soft opening? Or C, come inside, we're on the hill.

Oh, awesome. Oh, it's so good. Oh, God, I don't know if I can pick a favorite. I'm gonna go with D, all of the above. Well done, let's see. Oh, God. No, actually, it's not go with D all of the above. Well done, let's see. Oh God. No, it's not. It was one of the ones.

It's it. There is no secret answer. Oh, does this joke, does it work? Yeah, because we call shit someone. It's not like, I saw one of you. You were the last person to ask a question. But thank you. Thank you. I would like to announce Tom as next week's

essayist. All right. Well, while Tom cheers, we're going to toss it over to Sarah for last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question. Last week's question was, what's the name of your favorite P based dessert other than urinal cakes? And the answer came from Kevin Canada on Twitter, Eli Bosnick's blood pudding. He should really go to a doctor to get that checked out. This week's question is, what's your favorite failed North Korean landmark? Just retweet or Facebook share this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner. Back to you Cecil.

Alright, well for Eli Heath, Noah and Tom, I'm Cecil, thanking you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then, Tom will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can listen to Heath, Eli and Noah on their shows, God awful movies, The Skeptocrat, and The Skating Atheist. And you can listen to Tom and I on our show, Cognitive Dissonance. And if you'd like to help keep this show going And you can listen to Tom and I on our show, Cognitive Dissonance. And if you'd like to help keep this show going,

you can make a poor episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. Even if you are another podcast that likes a different show. Who's the more? You can leave us a five star review everywhere you can. If you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, check the show notes, be sure to check

out citationpod.com. Here's a thing! Now that's a handful of sawdust, buddy. Okay, oh this one! That is the same handful, Tom. Thank you.