Citation Needed - Tulip Mania

Episode Date: April 18, 2018

A tulip, known as "the Viceroy" (viseroij), displayed in the 1637 Dutch catalog Verzameling van een Meenigte Tulipaanen. Its bulb was offered for sale between 3,000 and 4,200 guilders (florins) depending on size (aase). A skilled craftsworker at the time earned about 300 guilders a year.[1] Tulip mania (Dutch: tulpenmanie) was a period in the Dutch Golden Age during which contract prices for some bulbs of the recently introduced and fashionable tulip reached extraordinarily high levels and then dramatically collapsed in February 1637.[2] It is generally considered the first recorded speculative bubble;[3] although some researchers have noted that the Kipper und Wipper (literally Tipper and See-saw) episode in 1619–1622, a Europe-wide chain of debasement of the metal content of coins to fund warfare featured mania-like similarities to a bubble.[4] In many ways, the tulip mania was more of a hitherto unknown socio-economic phenomenon than a significant economic crisis. And historically, it had no critical influence on the prosperity of the Dutch Republic, the world's leading economic and financial power in the 17th century. The term "tulip mania" is now often used metaphorically to refer to any large economic bubble when asset prices deviate from intrinsic values.[5]

And so I say, what do you mean sex? What did you think she meant? I don't know, she just started doing this weird motion with her fingers, it didn't make any sense. And this one is Humphrey. Wow. This was worth like thousands of dollars, right? Yep, bought it for three K.

And this one, this was... Two weeks before T.Y. released the new ones. I bought it for three K and this one this was two weeks before T.Y. released the new ones. I bought it for three K. Oh my god. Jesus. How are you not dead? I tried Tom. I really did. I tried in high school and I started what are you guys doing? Oh, hey, no, hey, he, well this week's show is on Tulip Mania. So I'm just showing Tom and Cecil my collection. Now, these are my furbies, which you bought for 500 bucks a piece on eBay, Cecil, $500. Okay, great. And now, how much?

Now? Okay, well, fun fact about now, you actually can't get less than a penny for something on eBay. So I don't know what that is. This is so depressing. Yeah, have you ever tried like doing the opposite of your decisions? That's... Oh, yeah.

Yeah, for sure. That was these mortgages I took out in 2006. Do you want one? Oh my God. Oh, no. Is this Elias, this way your debit card always gets declined? I mean, it's one of the reasons. But guys, you're thinking about this way too hard, because when my Bitcoin goes through

the roof, these are all all gonna be a hilarious memory Okay, so you also bought a bunch of Bitcoin. Yeah, just a couple days ago put every penny ahead into it I gotta go yeah me too me too What's a Bitcoin? Oh, okay, so imagine the entire stock market was based on child porn. What do you mean, imagine? I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. needed. But I have to remember to choose subjects, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts. Because, hey, welcome new listener, enjoy this. We do this to you, new listener. This is awesome. This is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Heath, and I'll be joined by a panel of wonderful gentlemen for whom I have the utmost respect. First up, to beautiful people with exactly the right amount of hair, Cecil and Noah. My mustache is so thick Italian grandmother's shake their head and disgust.

And my hair is proof that you can take the man out of the 80s, but you can't take the drugs out of the man. We tried. We tried. We tried. We tried it. We tried it was weird. And also joining me are two men who definitely are not over compensating in opposite directions for being fat kids. Tom and Eli.

I just, I want to beat up all the people that called me fat. I break a lot of mirrors. Stupid, stupid, you're so fussy. And I just want to look at the pictures from when I was chubby fondly. Is that so much to ask, you know? Damn, baby fat, you're gonna grow up to be big and tall like your dad.

No, also, fun surprise about your dad. What the fuck? Ches Jo Kase he's dead. High new listener. Okay. Nice to see you. All right. Perfect segue for me to start talking.

Great. Now, uh, before we tear the bloom off the rose tonight, I want to take a moment to thank our patrons. Thanks to you, this fragile, fragile thing we call a job still exists. So thanks for preventing the inevitable shift of our professions to atheist author, bartender, definitely dead body, and whatever the fuck Tom and Cecil do. It's not clear. They call that work. Oh, shit. No, pass. We're going we need some money. Send us

money. That sounds scary. I don't want to know. Right. So if you want to learn how to stop me from dying in suspenders and flair, you can stick around till the end of the show. And if you can't cough up a dollar so that other people can live their dreams. Just quick question, why are you such a terrible person? See, this is why everyone hates you. You know what you don't ride at the bar? You get that funny feeling that everyone was talking about you? Well, they were, they were because they hate you. You know how every group they have that person?

And it just everybody knows, well, like they're just a piece of shit. Nobody knows why you have around that's you. That's crazy. All your paranoid fears, 100% active, the worst. They notice you were in the Barry Manelow shirt. That's what I'm saying. They notice it on you. They do.

Or give us money. It's your call, whichever. And with that out of the way, tell us, Tom, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event? Are we going to be talking about today? Well, thanks to our patron Michael be learning about tulip mania and as a man planning a wedding I'm confident that I am an expert on this subject. This is not about centerpieces. Yep. Okay. I'm back out. Don't know No, how was it to be in for a second? I didn't it didn't like it. That's why Cecil always looks so tired. That's a lot of work.

I'm already, I'm napping. No. All right. So Eli, you read the parts of the article that aren't super boring. Are you ready to scrape together an essay out of the non-math parts you found interesting? I am, Heath.

I am. OK. So tell us, us Eli what was Tulip Mania Tulip Mania was appeared in the Netherlands during 1637 which the prices for some bulbs of a recently introduced and Fashionable tulip reach insanely high levels and then plummeted like a stone smashing the hopes and dreams of the people who had invested in it and is widely considered the world's first speculative bubble. Wow. Okay. Sounds like a thrilling roller coaster ride if I ever heard one. Oh, it is, Heath. Trust me. Bitcoin ain't got nothing on tulips. Yeah. Tulips are real. Okay. All right. Rude. Rude. Lots of analysts are long-term bullish. Whatever. Read a book.

are long-term bullish, I'm not sure if you're gonna remember, whatever, read a book. No, it's not. Okay, typical. So what's the story with the tulips, Eli? All right, so in order to truly understand tulip mania, you need to know a little about the history of tulips. Oh, or we could talk about literally anything else. You know, yeah, so.

You know, two votes. Yeah, listen, are tulips the flowers that look like a pussy? No, I'm not too then. No, I know. That's all of them Tom. Fun fact, very true. So as everyone knows, the tulip was introduced to Europe by odd geared to Boothbeck, the ambassador of Ferdinand,

the first Holy Roman Emperor to the salt and turkey who sent the first Toll of bulbs and seas to Vienna in 1554 from the Ottoman Empire. I'm sorry. Who is that? Geard abuse back Peas pick I love the line so as everyone knows if everyone knew, did we just include it to make Eli try to pronounce these names? We did. We did.

Good. For the joy it brought us time. However, their popularity in the Netherlands didn't begin in earnest until 1593, when Southern Netherlands-ish botanist, Carlos Clausius, took up a post at the university of leedon and established a hordes academia s now no clucius planted his collection of tulip bulbs and found they were able to tolerate the harsher conditions of the low countries just going to do an episode where's Eli pronouncing a French man so they found they were able to tolerate the harsh conditions, low countries. American plantation owners high five when they found the same found out the same thing

about African slaves. Oh, she's like, woo. Yeah, but they didn't plant the Africans until after they were done with their planting. It's the circle of life, Cecil. Circle of life. It's a beautiful time. Now, see, the thing you have to remember about 1594 is that everything sucked, even flowers.

In fact, at the time, tulips were pretty much the only brightly colored flowers available in the entirety of Europe. Everything else looked like a pre-GMO banana. Okay, well, some girls are into that. Let's not be in this business. Let's not have a pre-GMO banana with spots. Wait a minute, some girls aren't into that?

Lesbian's time, am I right? That's right. Exactly. So at the same time, the Dutch had just entered their golden age, being at the center of the East Indies trade, where a single voyage could yield up to 400% in profits, or as our accountant calls it, zero percent in profits or as our accountant calls it zero percent in profits. I told you my age picked out that $31,000 recording table. Am I fault? Ah, yes, the Dutch golden age, where wooden air Jordans were all the rage. Exactly. So as a result, tulips became the

must-have thing for the well to do, Nether Nathor Lander, and an aslo to varieties follow. See, there were single and multicolored tulips, but the rarest of all, the Bizarre Thin, or the Bizarre Colors, had yellow or white streaks on a red, brown or purple background. Okay, I've heard of white, yellow, brown, even red streaks, but purple streaks, see your fucking doctor already. Jesus Christ, man. That's insane.

No. I'm just glad there's always been a point in history when like all of your needs are comfortably met and then the rich donate their money. Not to those who need it, but to buying stupid, frivolous shit that dies. That's good. It's a constant. It's nice. It's a good constant.

Fun fact, we now know that this bizzare effect is due to the bulbs being infected with a type of tulip-specific mosaic virus known as the tulip-breaking virus, so-called because it breaks the one petal color into two or more. Okay, usually fun facts have a fun element. Pfft. How are you using fun in this? Take it for the chala. Noted? Noted. I'm not using fun in this. Say it to the cell. Noted?

Noted. Yeah, never thought I'd see the day I'd miss your essays about stupid fucking magicians. So, guys. So, alright, people like to flowers. Is this gonna get interesting or we can go jerk off to the sound of masking tape? What's happening? Oh, okay. Well, I'm about to talk about how tulips grow.

I think we can all agree. It's gonna get pretty. All right, ASMR darling, it is crazy. All right, so you see tulips, I mean, maybe you can keep it down, I'm doing a thing. Sorry, that'd be great. Do you see tulips? They grow from bulbs and can be grown

through both seeds and buds, but the mosaic virus spreads only through buds, not seeds. And so cultivating the most appealing, I'm wiggling my fingers, I don't know if you can talk. Cultivating the most appealing varieties takes years. And on top of that, propagation is greatly slowed down by the virus. All right, if somebody doesn't get a striped-dicked STD from fucking tulip soon, you have my permission to start making shit up in your life. All right, here, doesn't get a striped-dicked STD from fucking tulips soon, you have my permission to start making shit up

Eli. All right, here. I'll start for you. Did you know that tulip bulbs are also an excellent vaginal cleanser? Two story, Ask Aguana. It's shawm right up there. It's fun. But it gets cooler. I find that hard to believe. See, in the Northern hemisphere, tulips only bloom in April and May for about one week. With her hemisphere, Tulips only bloom in April and May for about one week. During the plant's dormant phase from June to September, bulbs can be uprooted and moved about, so actual purchases can only occur during these months. During the rest of the years, florists or tulip traders, as I call them, sign contracts

before a notary to buy tulips at the end of the season, effectively creating the first ever futures contracts. And actually speaking of which, we will be releasing a one of a kind foil embossed podcast at the end of this year. If you call in the next 10 minutes, you'll get an exclusive pre-order discount. Yeah, you will. This is great agriculture, financial investment options. Big follow up to that porn episode we did a

few weeks ago. We lost. All right. I'm all messed up with the time schedule. That was so long ago by the time they hear this, you'll be married. I'll be dead. It's a whole thing. Anyway, as the flowers grew in popularity, professional growers paid higher and higher

prices for the bulbs with the virus and and prices rose steadily. By 1634, partly because the French found out about the pretty flowers and wanted to buy them too, speculators began to enter the market. The contract price of rare bulbs continued to rise throughout 1636, but by November, the price of common or unbroken bulbs also began to increase, so that soon any tulip bulb could fetch hundreds of gilders. You should have seen what tulips.com was going for back then too, man. Dig them up. Good way to get in on the ground floor.

In fact, prices got so high, the Dutch created a type of formal futures market where contracts to buy bulbs at the end of the season were bought in salt. Okay. I mean, that all sounds great, but they're leaving money on the table if they don't leverage up that market by, you know, tying it in with big bets on the never decreasing value of real estate. Now, the first author to write about Tulip Mania was a journalist named Charles McKay. In his 1841 book, extraordinarily popular delusions and the madness of crowds, or as I call it, the Tulip book. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Did the Tulips have a series of masks covering something long? That's a fuck. Gee, Eli, I wonder why there have been so few follow up works in the last 177 years. Like it's almost like, okay, how the shit covered? A missed opportunity. We both agree in it. He describes the peak of tulip mania, thusly quote, the population, even to its lowest drags embarked in the tulip trade. By 1635, a sale of 40 bulbs for 100,000 florins,

also known as Dutch Gilders, was recorded. By way of comparison, a ton of butter costs around 100 florins. A skilled laborer might earn 150 to 350 florins a year and eight fat swine costs 240 florins. And I'm just glad the common man is finally able to get in on farming. That's good. Looking at door farm.

Eight fat swine. Is that the sequel to 12 Agree, man? Is it about lobbyists? Can't believe the dollop hasn't done an episode on this. This is so fascinating. This is great. Right. So do it together.

All of them are talking the busy, they got Pat Naswad on the show, the comic who inspired me. That's cool. Okay, so we were talking about some really expensive flowers. I'm in. This is awesome. And so was everybody else. So I imagine this lasted forever, thus the booming tulip markets that you and I know of today? Not quite. Okay, well, I guess we're going to take a quick break for everyone's favorite half-time show,

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If we were serious, this would work. And we're back. When we left off, I was fantasizing about buying a ton of butter and you were telling a really fucking boring story about flowers or something. I was, he, I was. Mmm, just so much butter. Alright, so by 1636, tulips were traded on the exchanges of numerous Dutch towns and cities, which encouraged trading in tulips were traded on the exchanges of numerous Dutch towns and cities, which

encouraged trading in tulips by all members of society. In the tulip book, McKay recounts stories of people offering 12 acres of land for one or two of existing Semper Augustus bulbs, or most famously a single bulb of the voice Roy that was purchased for a basket of goods worth 2,500 florins, which included two less of wheat, four less of rye, four fat oxen, eight fats wine, twelve fat sheep, two hogs heads of wine, four tons of beer. How did all of this fit in one basket? They'd a looser term for basket back then.

There's a two tons of butter. Easter kicked ass back then. There's a two tons of butter. Easter kicked ass back then. Thousand pounds of cheese, a complete bed, a suit of clothes, and a silver drinking cup. A silver drinking cup? A silver drinking cup. Wow. Now, the last items on the list sound pretty awesome though. I got to admit, four tons of beer, a thousand pounds of cheese, and a bed to eat it in.

I fucking love it. Yeah, right? That whole list sounds like you just combined Heath and Cecil's letters to Santa. I just, I still feel really confused about this whole thing. So you buy the flour and it's pretty, but the flour dies, right? I mean, if you're going to overpay for something that's going to die when you're done with it, why haven't hooker futures? Oh, Jesus Christ.

True. So. What? Hooker futures. So here's the quote about this mania from the tulip book. Quote, many individuals grew suddenly which? To uncle scrooge swimming through butter. Golden bait hung temptingly out before the people. And one after the other, they rushed to the tulip marks like flies around a honey pot Everyone imagined that the passion for tulips would last forever and that the wealthy from every part of the world would send to Holland and pay whatever Prices were asked for them the riches of Europe would be concentrated on the shores of the year to see As holiday banished from the favored climbs of Holland, nobles, citizens, farmers, merchants, seamen, footman, maid servants,

even chimney sweeps and old clothes, women, dabbled in tulips and quote, remind you of anything? Yeah, the early days of Patreon. Yeah, right. This episode in our business plan have a disturbing amount in common, Eli. We have a business plan.

No, we told you. Yeah, my mom's gonna die. Tom, Tom, do you have a disturbing amount in common, Eli. We have a business plan. No, he told me mom's gonna die. Tom, Tom, do you have a loft at your house by any chance? Loftin. Two to two votes. Two to lofts at your house? Answer the question. Show me your deck.

Or one with bunk beds. Yeah. It's fun. It's gets better. Tom's not saying anything. He's not. He has a loft. Nope. I can tell. It's better. Tom's not saying anything. He's not. He has a lot. Nope.

I can tell you have a lot. No one is staying in my love. I'm not staying. I'm just like, no one is in my love. I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to

to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to, I'm just going to,. You like, you like, you stay with me, man. Aw, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

You can't stay with me. You can't stay with me. No, you can't stay with me. My heart's gonna be literally my apple watch. It was so neat. My apple watch was just like, is your existence speaking for? Your heart rate is increasing, sir. It thinks I started a workout. Your Apple Watch tells you you just came

How does my Apple Watch know I just came that's so impressive my what One popular story from the peak of the mania is of a sailor who Hungry and poor mistook the valuable tulip bulb of a merchant for an onion and stole it to eat it The merchant and his family chased the sailor to find him eating a breakfast whose cost might have regaled a whole ship's crew for a 12 month end quote. The sailor by the way was jailed for eating the bulb. The 12 month, by the way, is a year. Ha ha ha! What the fuck was any object that was worth this much doing in a place where some dumb fuck sailor could just come by and steal it. This thing is worth the salary of a ship's crew. It's what's like sitting out of the dining room table. Like what? Well, this, this is Holland. They're trusting in gentle people. That's how you

get your tulips eat. All right, Eli. Well, a Bitcoin looks nothing like an onion. Your whole analogy breaks down. I'm going to continue hotling. That's, it's obviously working out. So how does the bubble pop on tulips? Okay. Well, tulip mania reached its peak during the winter of 1636 to 1637. When the contracts for some of the bulbs were reportedly changing hands 10 times in a day. Now, no deliveries were ever made to fulfill any of these contracts because in February of 1637, tulip bulb contract prices collapsed abruptly and the trades of tulips ground to a halt. Oh tulip tariffs, right?

We're going to be so tough on tulips, so tough. Only the best deals on tulips. So I guess at this point, they started calling them one lips, huh? Sorry, Jesus. Sorry. No, it's been a tough week. I've had a lot to do. It's a trip.

Big to fail. The market was to work. Big to fail. The market was too little. Big to fail. Thank you. Thank you. That's what I did against it. Yeah, shit. No.

All right. So the collapse began in Harlem. When, for the first time, Harlem, not Harlem, that's a crush, but there are 10 to three to the... Exactly. See, for the first time buyers apparently refuse to show up at a routine bullwalksion. Interestingly, many historians attribute this to an outbreak of Pubonic plague in the city. However, they disagree on whether the plague drove

the prices up because everyone was going to fucking die or drove it down because fuck it. Everyone's going to die. Why would they go up everyone's trying to get the prettiest flowers for their beautiful life? You know what sucks about bubotic plague outbreaks? Fuck the tulip market right up. Downside to everything isn't there? Yeah, but I don't see that either. A figure of nothing else.

They got something to stuff into their creepy plague masks. It feels like one way or the other. The plague would be great for this market. By the way, for those who want to dive deep into that particular controversy, there is a fantastic, now deleted argument about this on the discussion page of the Wikipedia article by two editors who care more about flowers

than I will ever care about anything ever. That's great. Let's hope they listen to this show. Okay, so what happened to our tulip traders in the end? Well, some were left holding contracts to purchase tulips at prices now 10 times greater than their worth. While others found themselves in possession of bulbs now worth a fraction of the price they'd paid, the panic tulips speculators sought help from the government of the Netherlands, which responded by declaring

that anybody who had bought contracts to purchase bulbs in the future could void their contract by a payment of a 10% fee. Now attempts were made to resolve the situation, the satisfaction of all the parties involved, but they were unsuccessful. The mania finally ended with our poor flower buyers stuck with the bulbs they held at the end of the crash. No court would enforce payment of a contract since judges regarded the debts as contracted through gambling and thus not enforceable by law. The aftermath of the tulip price deflation led to a widespread economic chill throughout the Netherlands for many years afterwards. Wow. Sounds to me like the investors got forcibly deflowered. Because, huh?

There you go. There you go. Right. So if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? Sell your bulb coin, you jackass. And are you ready for a quiz from the panel? Seriously, sell your bulb, sell all of your crypto currency. It's all gonna just crash around you. Start an eye on it. I'm gonna go first. Eli, what other flowers have been a huge disappointment? A, the girl who played Blossom.

Come on, big bang theory. I never expected anything out of her anyways. Be Merrick Garland. See our nation rhymes with car nation. It's terrible. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that. Okay.

D winning the popular vote by two point set us. I'm going to give it to our nation, our nation. All right. Yeah. That's wrong. Right? I know. We'll figure it out at the end.

Keep going. Yeah, the end. We'll figure it out. Just keep soldiering through. Let's do this good job. All right. Here we go. Buying stupid fucking flowers because everyone else is doing it is not a great investment

strategy. What other investments have proven to be well, stupid? Stupid fucking flowers because everyone else is doing it is not a great investment strategy What other investments have proven to be well stupid a Tech stocks from companies with ping pong tables in the courtroom not good don't do that Be buying shitty houses and bad neighborhoods that will if you fix them up become shitty houses with granite countertop fix them up, become shitty houses with granite countertops. Okay. Glass, glass houses, Tom, glass houses, or see apocalypse gold. Listen up, you stupid asshole. Gold is tulips.

Okay. It's only, it's not valuable. The moment everyone just decides they're done caring about it. It's shiny lad. Yeah. If you, if you're, if you're a bullet, if you're thinking apocalypse or butter guns butter. It's better than go. My shoes.

My shoes can't be that bullet. It's so good to get shot with butter. A butter gun. You seen this on TV. You know what guys? I'm going to stop and take a shot of butter. Actually, I'm just going to have another. I'm going to go with b buying shitty houses in bad neighborhoods

yeah alright so finally elay uh... which of the following puns should i have not included on this list as prices rose everyone thought this will be also amazing roses are red It's amazing. I like it. That's terrible. Is it B?

Roses or red violets or blue chip? Did C, there was still a pretty good aster market. That one said. Or was it D, at least they were still worth a few dolly's. A dolly is not bad. I'm going to go with E secret answer. E. Any answer would have been no, you actually are wrong actually technically speaking.

It was a. All right. No, you stumped Eli. I think I did. I think I did. You get the juice. It goes next week. All right.

Well, the only way I won with a question like that is because my buddy Heath rigged the whole fucking thing so he you can do all the work next week. That's my that's my gift to you. Great. Okay. I'm gonna toss it over to Sarah for last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question. Thanks, Heath. Last week's question was what would the great stink be called if it happened today? Other than the Trump administration, the answer comes from EQ Man's and on Twitter with this. A.K.A. Alex Jones' New World Order. This week's question is, if the guys were to start an altcoin, what should they call it? Just retweet or face book share this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner.

Back to you, Heath. comedy boom, you can listen to Eli know-on-myself over on God-O-Fan movies, the skeptic rat, and the skating atheist, and if you'd like to laugh until you bust, listen to Tom and Cecil over at CognitiveDistinance, and if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. You'll leave us a five-star review everywhere you can, and if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, see the show notes, be sure to check out CitationPod.com. And they can't regulate it at all? Not at all! It's impossible! In fact, some of the ICOs have turned out not even to be real, isn't it amazing?

No, no, it's the opposite of that. Extra amazing. Amazing! No, no it's the opposite of that. Extra amazing.