Citation Needed - Unlucky Lottery Winners

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

A lottery is a form of gambling that involves the drawing of numbers at random for a prize. Lotteries are outlawed by some governments, while others endorse it to the extent of organizing a national or state lottery. It is common to find some degree of regulation of lottery by governments; the most common regulation is prohibition of sale to minors, and vendors must be licensed to sell lottery tickets. Though lotteries were common in the United States and some other countries during the 19th century, by the beginning of the 20th century, most forms of gambling, including lotteries and sweepstakes, were illegal in the U.S. and most of Europe as well as many other countries. This remained so until well after World War II. In the 1960s casinos and lotteries began to re-appear throughout the world as a means for governments to raise revenue without raising taxes. -- Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

But I don't even like basketball though. Yeah, but you don't have to enjoy it. Just to watch the story of one of the greatest basketball teams ever. I mean, it sounds kind of like a prerequisite. I mean, it's not though. It's okay. What I would do is I would buy like a million dollars in Facebook ads and influence the election.

That's what I would do. I would do right away. Good one. I like guys. That's because I'm smart. Yeah, I'd shoot an electric car into space. Also good. Amazing, right? Amazing.

Guys, what are you doing? Oh, hey, no, we all just pitched in for the mega trillions. And we're talking about what we're gonna do with the money. Yeah, so after I do the car into space thing, I'd wait for a crisis and then throw a bunch of money at it and if anyone questioned my sincerity, I'd call them a petto on Twitter. Okay, that's so good. Why did I think of that?

I feel, that's great. No, right. I see what's going on. Okay, let me try. I'd start a business that relies really heavily on production and then I would make workers pee in bottles instead of taking bathroom breaks. Oh, yeah, you're getting the hang of it. Okay, I still gots it.

I got the best one, I got the best one. Okay, I would get a private jet and pretend to be associated with Harvard, right? But actually, I make my living acting as a pimp for not absolutely not. Not absolutely not. I'm the one that you love. I think he has a happy ending.

I kill myself in prison or do you? I do, he does, he does, yeah, he kills himself. Hillary Clinton. Hello and welcome. The citation needed. A podcast where we choose a subject. We're doing a single article about it on Wikipedia. We're 10-Ware experts. This is the internet.

And that's how it works now. I'm Heath. And I'm joined by the usual panel of statistical anomalies. White guys podcasting, we're like a lot of winners. Yeah, I'll just give these away. And speaking of anomalies, first up, two men who ate way too much sausage deep dish got embarrassed and became gout liars. Gout liars is so good.

So good. So good. The Cecil. So good. I will say I eat the right amount of deep dish sausage pizza. God has always been a life goal of my life. Hashtag, great. I can confirm. To be honest, I'm surprised more Trump supporters don't have

gal because they're obsessed with butter emails. You know, they're so obsessed with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is excellent. All they're going pun for pun in the very beginning. What I've done. Duke it out like the Titans we are. Damn.

Careful, they'll put you on ESPN. They're looking for material. And also joining me is the official slender man on the fat tale of the intelligence pelkoon. No, welcome back Well, I hold on saying I need to graph that shit out and see if that was a compliment or an insult And you stay thin by being in kurtosis the toses are You fucking kidding me so many if there's one Spanish

Statifician dietitian out there who gets that in actin's skew, kurtosis, they're not gonna get it. Because I'm gonna cut it from the episode. So there's no way they're gonna hear it. So good. Maybe you can mail it out. I'm gonna fly. Best joke that's ever happened.

And last but not least, we have the most recent power balled lottery winner. Please welcome you. I hate. If I had a dollar for every hair still on my head, I'd take each and every one of you out for a gumball. It would be the one we split, the one gumball, but yeah, you could all come. All right, let's get right into it.

Tell us Cecil, what person place thingaced thing, concept, phenomenon, or event. Are we going to be talking about today? Well, today we're going to be talking about unlucky lottery players. No, I mean, well, I guess a small section of that, which is unlucky lottery winners. So the big small section. And Tom, you obviously enjoy hearing about rich people wasting their money as much as I do. Are you ready to tell us about the Bloomberg campaign? Oh. money as much as I do. Are you ready to tell us about the Bloomberg campaign? I just hope

this episode isn't quite as short-lived. Alright, so how'd you land on the topic of unlucky lottery winners? You know, I got to think about how people lie and they say, stupid shit, like, money can't buy happiness. And then how they think that because they're poor and then that's probably their fault. And so, the story about this lucky lottery winner, you know what I thought, okay, I get it. Money can buy happiness, but you have to be the kind of person

that's worth having the money, you know? It's like, oh my God. It's like those bumper stickers you get when you get one of those free dogs at the Lost and Found Dog Store. It has that, like a paw print or whatever. And it says, who rescued you? And that's how about how like, you know,

you get a garbage dog and that makes you a better person. And now you get a bumper sticker and you can show off all about that. So I figured like winning the lottery is just like that. Like no one really deserves to be rich, but if you get rich, it only makes you a better person if you rescue the lottery ticket. Hey, Tom.

Yeah, Heath. That story you just told makes no sense. No, just not at all. Yeah, but I know my, I know my story's a little light. I'm just looking for some filler, you know, kind of fleshed out. Okay. That why you wrote your essay in 17 point font and really wide margins? Tom, you know we read this.

Right, like the page count doesn't make it longer to read. Okay, but I was counting on your corrections to kind of, you know, I got to flush it out. Okay, no, you know, that's fair. That's fair. Okay, counterpoint, you know. Tom insulted rescue dogs and poor people during the COVID crisis in his intro.

I don't think we have to worry about people listening to the end. I think you should have done it. Don't work itself out in parallel. All right, they love me. They'll listen for me. Anyway, onto the story. To be rescued, whom by the hammer.

Go ahead and stalk, don't matter. Everyone wants to win the lottery, right? Because obviously having massive amounts of sudden money will make you a better, happier person. And look, I know that that's true, because suddenly losing all your money definitely makes it harder to be your best, most plus, and self. So the reverse must be true.

And lots and lots of us play the lottery, which is where you spend a couple of dollars so that when you dream about killing your boss, you can also dream about affording a really good lawyer after this. Johnny Cameron. And like, as amazing as it would be to win, it doesn't unfortunately always work out forever. The lottery also, Tom, contributes to public schools. In my high school geometry book,

we had a scratch off ticket answer section. It was really great. It was really great. All right. Well, the lottery's obviously not contributing enough to public school math departments. If they were, then people, you know, we don't keep playing the lottery.

What's happening? Right, but you know, there should be like somewhere, there's a dollar amount on them. Lottery tickets where we achieve homeostasis, right? Like the worst thing that's the math, the better fun, the math education gets and the better we get at math, the less we invested in it. Homeostats. That's smart. If you're not the one playing it, that's my point. All right. Guys, you can't win if you don't play. Huh? Can't win because you don't win. It's can't win because you don't win.

I don't get it. Yeah, that's clear. I didn't think that you were going to get it. Aw, come on, guys. I mean, Keith, just think about what you would do with all that money. Money, money. What are you doing, Eli?

What is that? You're gonna doodly do. You're supposed to doodly do. I thought you doing, Eli? What is that? You're gonna doodly do, you're supposed to doodly do. I thought you guys just doodly do it. I didn't think you're gonna repeat stuff. You never did that repeat stuff before. You don't run an interstitial segment. You're out of the show scene, such a stupid thing. Fine, fine, I will do the harp glist.

Thank you very much. Are you shaving me, that's you. That's what you sound like. That's the hill I'm gonna die on his harp glist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Keith and Wright. Hey guys, come on in.

Party's just getting started. Dude, congrats again on winning the lottery. Yeah. Thanks Noah. Thanks. I like what you did with your apartment. Right? Right?

It is a little chilly in here though. What is that? Black glass? What is that? What? No, no, no. This is my scotchitorium. Your scotchitorium? Yup. That's right. Everything in the apartment is made of flogga blundling 14. The walls, the furniture, everything. Oh, that's... That's great. Hey, is that the cast is saved by the Balbo?

Ha ha, it is! Yes, they live here now. Hey, Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach, come here. Come here, say hi to my friends. He, my name is Mark. F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F. I mean, hi, I'm Zach Morris. Ha, classic, Zach Morris. All right, now get out of here. Seriously? I'm Zach Morris. Ha! Classic. Zach Morris.

All right, now get out of here. Seriously? I said go away. Fine, fine, geez. I like the fruit paintings. Those must be fruit paintings. Oh, those are snowsberries. Oh, and let me guess they taste like snowsberries.

What? No, no, they taste like Scotch, Cecil Paytangin. Oh, okay, Scotchatorium. Okay, is okay. Rub it in, I will. So this story has a really sad beginning because it begins in a waffle house in Alabama. So, not big.

Yeah. On Sunday, March 7, 1999, Tonda Dickerson was a waitress at Waffle House when Edward Seward ate breakfast and left Tonda a lottery ticket for a tip. This was something he did frequently as he was, evidently, both a cheap skate and a Waffle House regular.

A sentence which is, I realize, redundant in nearly every way. Yeah, yeah, still seems like an odd way to tip, though. And how was everything today, sugar? Just fine, thank you, and this, this here's for you. Uh, are you tipping me a nickel? Of course not, madam. What do I look like?

Some kind of cheap skate? If you flip that nickel 10,000 times and get heads up every time, I will tip you a million dollars. Wow, thanks. Actually, that's a terrible tip. He's very clearly just doing like a thing with Matt. You're not in the sense of your-

Yeah, you're not in the sense of- Nobody wants your fancy numbers here, boy. Can't play if you don't win. I hate you guys. Look at the love that one. Also, don't ask me how I know this, but one of Tanda's co-workers was pregnant. So is it because she worked for Waffle House? Yes.

That's true. That's it. No, there's no word on the breakfast, so it's impossible to know if Edward ate his hash browns, scattered, smothered, chunked, covered top. Or, you know, simply with a little bit of Aaron's cigarette ash across the top, but it works. It's almost certainly the latter one. What we do know is that the lottery ticket left to Dickerson instead of money turned out to be a winner, a $ million dollar winner. Okay. For a fucking absolute cheapskate though, that guy left more total worth in tips in his lifetime than I have. So, but all the years were on purpose, though.

So Dickerson elected to receive her winnings in the form of $375,000 paid annually for 30 years. I have to digress. This by the way, this is generally what you are supposed to do. The lump sum option is fucking stupid. If you ever win the lottery, first become a patron at the Eli will blow you if the price is right level. Then take the fucking annuity. Eli Bosnick, go on down. No, Timbra. Timbra.

Seriously, if you just do the map, this is more money overall and it's way less taxes. It's just, okay. So anyway, Dickerson was off to a good start. It's literally the only good thing that is going to happen to her in this story. I'm just I'm still trying to get over the fact that in Tom's head, there is a wrong way to get 10 million dollars. If the way that you get 10 is to accept three, that's the wrong way.

$3 million is pretty sick, man. Yeah. Also Tom, check your heart doesn't tend to explode for everyone in your family privilege 30 years Some of this art fleshy ticking time bombs, Eli. Disagree. All right. So pretty much immediately Dickerson's co-workers at the Waffle House sued her.

They claimed that they all had an agreement that if any of them won the lottery from a lottery ticket tip, well, then they totally all split it. And I guess they, like, pinky promise or something because they took that fucking thing to court. The jury agreed that a pinky promise at the local house is essentially a binding fucking contract. Why am I cited with resistance co-workers? What? And to give them credit, a couple of regulars testified that they also totally overheard them all agreed to share any winnings Though I cannot imagine the unbearable shame of having to testify under oath

But you were a regular at the waffle The jury comes out they read the decision from a laminated verdict with a ketchup stain on it Fuck my high school girlfriend doesn't take me to court in Alabama because I definitely told her I was gonna love her forever. And find the clip. And promise me. To the Alabama Supreme Court and a gust body consisting most likely of the only nine literate people in Alabama, they fucking disagreed, citing that any agreement amongst Waffle House

waitresses about how they were going to share lottery winnings was not actually an enforceable contract because you can't make a contract about future gambling winnings. That would be illegal. Well, there you go. And by the way, to be clear, this august body is about two years away from being headed by Roy Moore. Yeah. Exactly.

So, all Dickerson now has had to do was defend her newfound fortune from her co-workers in court and move it all the way up to the Alabama Supreme Court. No problem. Probably a little, probably a little expensive, but plenty more where that came from, hopefully. And then she was sued by Seward, the guy who gave her the fucking lottery ticket as the tip of the first place,

he claimed they had an agreement that if she won the lottery, she would just buy him a truck. And I guess this judge evidently heard of the exact premise of the previous lawsuit in the paragraph I just fucking read because he threw out the case and you might think okay neat good week for Deckerson, right? No, you would be dead wrong very bad. Okay, so to be fair though what I was actually thinking was you guys remember that time She promised to repay my driveway if we ever brought her up on citation Remember that time she promised to repave my driveway if we ever brought her up on citation day.

Crazy. The same week that the judge threw out that case that same week, Tanda's ex-husband, a man named Stacey Martin kidnapped her. Somehow for some fucking reason, Tanda was in the car with Stacey. They'd been divorced for several years. I guess Stacey wasn't too happy. And while she was driving Stacy, lunched at Tanda and told her he was going to kill her. He forced her to drive to a boat launch at a place called Bayou Heron, which is exactly as

fucking isolated and red neck he goes. I'm going to do any of the things in that paragraph. On again, off again, couples in the South is normally a reference to meth. So this is new. This is refreshing. All right. So once I got out of the cart, Dickerson's cell phone rang. And I kind of love this part. Although Stacy at first refused to allow Tonda to answer it, she pleaded with him that if she didn't pick up the phone, people were gonna start looking for Stacey eventually relented and Tanda reached into her bag and pulled out a gun instead of herself on She was playing it slow Shot him right in the fucking chest, so this just like in the fucking chest. So this just like upset Stacy like the fucking Hulk or something and he attacked her. Took the fucking gun from her. This next part I cannot get enough of this

next part. So Stacy now has the gun. So what does he do? He threatens to kill himself. What? With the gun. He just trying to kill him with because he was trying to kill her with it. What now? It's fantastic. Yeah. He starts talking to a voice modulator to himself. Just like, okay, bring me to the drop point. Wait, what's that?

I feel like I'm supposed to hang up. I don't know, guys. People will do crazier stuff for money. I mean, just imagine what would happen if I won. Welcome to the Scathing Aist, starring Eli Bosnick. I have no illusions. Yeah, and I'm... Bitch Tits McGee. And I'm Eli Bosnick.

On this week's show, Eli will list everyone he fought with on Twitter this week. Ceasal will be here for round 44 of best friend charades. But first, you lie a tribe. It's about waiters who walk too slow. Again, I know, right? There isn't enough money for me to place charades with you. I wish all your fantasies weren't a hell scape for me personally every time. Yeah, you sound like Anna. Okay, facts. All right, bring it back. Imagine the

scenario, right? Stacey has just been shot in the fucking chest. They are in the middle of nowhere. He's got the gun, but she has, you know, a chest without holes in it. So this is like, this is a classic mobile standoff, right? But Tanda is a way better person, certainly than Eli or myself, because rather than just like, Goad Stacey into killing himself, then taking selfies with his dumb ass corpse, she convinces him to let her drive him to the hospital to have his wounds tended to.

And once they arrive at the hospital, police were called, but no charges were filed. Okay, so I just realized every single story anyone has ever told that takes place in Alabama ended with someone incredulously saying, and then no charges were filed. Okay, so you might think, okay, how does that a bad run? Okay, but surely things are gonna get better. I guess they do in relative terms. I just wanna get kidnapped again,

but she's not in the clear. Now the IRS is after her. The IRS claims she owes taxes on money that she gave away to her family. So the way this works is a certain amount of money is allowed to be gifted to family without anyone having to pay taxes on it. And Dickerson gifted money to family

and then her family used that money to invest in a business with her. And the IRS fought this arrangement. They wanted to pay them a million dollars in taxes. Remember, she's only taking in $375,000 a year. She ultimately prevailed in court, but it took a decade of fighting with the IRS to prevail. Today, Tonda Dickerson works as a poker dealer at the Golden Nugget Casino in Baluxi, Mississippi. And that may or may not be a step up from Waffle House waitress in Alabama. Okay, sorry.

What business did she invest in? Barrying money in the desert and hoping it grows in trees? How do you end up a poker, dear? All right, well, that was a fun preview of Ozark season four. Good stuff. But before we get to the preview of Cops season 4, good stuff. But before we get to the preview of Cop's season 33, with the rest of the story,

we're gonna take a quick break for some opera pove, nothing. Do you want to play the lottery from home? I sure do. Higher-discratching tickets and picking numbers. Heck yeah! From the makers of the lottery comes... The Money Bucket. What's the money bucket?

Just place the national average lot of expenditure of your $234 into the money bucket, and once a week, we'll come buy to collect it. So convenient. But it's not just at home. Get a money bucket for the office. get a money bucket for your family, even use a virtual money bucket to throw your money in a bucket online. Okay, but what happens if I win? You won't, but if you do, we'll give you $50,000,000.

Wow, I could do so much with that money. Well, if you put the same $234 into a 2% CD, you'd be guaranteed to just... Boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, boon, bo And we're back. When we left off, Tom just finished up the tragic tale of Tonda Dickerson losing all her money. So what's up next? Your divorce settlement. Okay. Jesus Christ. Take it up the Illinois statute. Roode. Anyway, moving on. Just in case you're thinking, okay, Tom, sure. That was a terrible story, but surely it's a one-off. You fucking wrong. Money is just a socially agreed upon source of power

and going from normal Joe power list to like fucking demigod overnight. It just, it fucks people up. Take the case of Jeffrey Damper. This is amazing. Jeffrey was just your ordinary guy, until he won $20 million in 1996. After winning, Jeffrey used his winning sensibly, first investing in a popcorn business. was just your ordinary guy, until he won $20 million in 1996.

After winning, Jeffrey used his winning sensibly, first investing in a popcorn business. I mean, popcorn. That's obvious. That's, I mean, just, that's a given. Locked in. Locked in. Then he lavished his sister-in-law with gifts, which, that's locked in too. That one seems a little, maybe less obvious, except for, you have to know, he was having

an affair with his sister-in-law. All of a sudden. Yeah. That's obvious except for you have to know he was having an affair with his sister-in-law. All the time. Yeah, that affair didn't sit real well with his brother who tied up both his sister and him and then demanded that the sister-in-law choose either her life or Jeffries. She chose her life and shot Jeffery in the fucking head and killed him. Well, if you take it notes here, don't ever take lottery tickets from Jigsaw. That's right. All right, so I can have the annuity.

That's the safe bet. But the lump sum inside this bear trap that goes on my face. I can't. But wait, so in your mind here, Tom, the impetus was, was the lottery winning? I mean, people have had crazier ideas of what to do with their money. I mean, just imagine if Tom had won. Dude, we've been in the car forever. Almost there.

Almost. Can't you just tell us what you did with your lottery money, Tom? No, I'm not gonna, that would ruin the surprise, and we're here. So the beach, something on the beach, did you buy a bar on the beach? No, not'm not gonna that would ruin the surprise and we're here. So the beach something on the beach did you buy a bar on the beach? Not just something check it out You got rid of the ocean yeah the entire Pacific boys What quite a bit of grease in the wheels. Let me tell you that one. Why would you get rid of the ocean? What are you talking like just didn't like it, Heath.

It's too big, too deep. Got to give you the willy, it's a lot of shit in there, I didn't want anymore. Right, but like, without the oceans, ocean, I haven't done the Atlantic yet. I've got, I still working on that deal. Okay, won't everyone die? Yeah, yeah, they will.

But that's for sure, by the way. But you know, you know what they say you lie What's that Tom yeah sucks to suck sucks to suck got it All right, well then there's the cautionary tale of garbage man Michael Carroll in 2002 he won 9.7 million pounds. That's about 13 million dollars by the way, which he invested sensibly in treasury bonds or crack and prostitutes.

So yeah, it was actually it was the last two. It wasn't the treasury. Yeah, but honestly, probably a more sound long term investment than UK government. You know, I mean, I was 13 million now in 2002. I was a couple of months ago. That was actually a really good move in retrospect. So I love this by the end of the first year, 12 months, 365 days, by the end of the first year, he was smoking. And I don't even honestly understand how this can be possible. three thousand dollars a day in crack.

Wow, I have never bought crack, but it just seems like a fucking enormous amount of crack. Just in volume, that is so much crack. I can't even understand that. And so a wheelbarrow, like every day, going from his dealer's house, that's so much crack and spiky like, you could hold

$3,000 worth of crack in your fist and I was trying to take the you also is a maize I was probably a ton of crack

there yeah like you guys said all right the hookers he's hit four hookers a day I guess this one I guess 1000 hookers over the course of the first year. And I love this snippet from the article. There's a snipper from the article, which is immediately subsequent to the numbers. I just read you about the quantity of crack and hookers, which says, quote, divorce was looming. We had to have a few talks. All right, you better get that down to three hookers today, young man.

What do we say? This guy then blew a million dollars in horse racing. He spent another million dollars investing in a soccer team. I guess that was a loss. I don't know why or how. In 2010, he had to sell all of his cars and his mansion. He had so little money, he had to move into a tent in the woods. He went from mansion to tent in the woods, saying, quote,

I find it easier to live off 42 pounds in dole than a million. And they promptly went both bankrupt and back to being a garbage man. Well, sometimes the garbage man was inside you all along. So it was inside four hookers a day. That reminds me, what would you do if you won the lottery season? Okay, that's a really rude way to do it, dude.

I'm just saying, but I do know exactly what I do. I know exactly. Can't believe he moved all the way to France. I mean, it's pretty out there, it's not. Yeah, yeah, that's true. And we're here. Alright, Cecil. Cecil, buddy, you're around.

Lower the drop-edge. Lower the drop-edge, sir. Presenting his royal duke and absentia. So see so I'm something Italian. Thank you Noah. Hey guys. See so awesome. Hasselman.

Thanks. So yeah, you guys around. Super excited. Was was that Noah by the way? The guy with the drawbridge? Yeah. Yeah, he's never been happier. Yeah, never had.

He looks happy. Yeah, he is. Okay, so this is Hanber Shaft. Had it rebuilt as an exact scale model of the castle in Burlowe, this is the original window from which an archer shot the knee of Sir Edward Havisham.

Oh, that's cool, man. Cool. Okay, Well, this is this is this is this here is my weapon collection. This is King John's great acts and Henry the eighths broad swords over there. Is that the throne of swords from game of thrones? No, no, it's a throne of swords that made of actual medieval swords. I have a my own blacksmith on staff. So nice. That's pretty awesome. And this is my pride and joy authentic original Trebuchet from the Battle of Agent Core. It's neat. The neat. Yeah, no, it gets better. It gets better. He gets better. It's better, it gets better, he gets better. Pissed jester. It's the sea, so.

Show the guest your trick, Pissed jester. Yes, your lordship. I'm pee. I'm pee. I guess we have a root time, I love that. I'm pee. I'm pee. I'm pee.

I'm pee. I'm pee. I'm just grateful we still hang out. Just grateful we still hang out. Just grateful. They didn't have trebuchets at the battle, as in court, because it's not a siege, but that's fine. It's fine.

Whatever. They didn't have real deal. There just be still one left over. They just kept one. No, kept one. If they did have trebuchets, what angle would they have? Thank you very much. I said this is three of jack Whitaker that started off okay.

Um, he won three hundred and fifteen million dollars in powerball. I donated seven million dollars started a relief fund for people in need. He gave a hundred thousand dollars. So the person just sold them the ticket and he bought a house and an SUV just for some lady, he sometimes bought sandwiches for Lee. No shit. Just here's a house. I want to make this guy sandwiches. Right? No shit. He was super generous. And that that sounds pretty nice. But that also means that people now know you have money. Just a bunch of hot dog vendors and taco truck guys screaming at his front door about this counts as a sandwich too asshole

So sometimes when people find out you have money They fucking sue you and they did In fact jack soon found himself the target of not like one or two lawsuits But 460 lawsuits But 460 lawsuits. Wow. This caused Jack rather a lot of stress because that's fucking insane. So the next time we hear from Jack He's getting pulled over rather frequently for DUIs that in 2003 someone steals and I swear that I am not making this number up $545,000 in cash from his car, which was parked outside of a strip club. What are you doing there, buddy?

That motherfucker was gonna make it rain so hard and so long he'd need to send a rainbow to the strippers to apologize for. A fucking year later, the same thing happened again, but with only a hundred grand. But again, in cash from his car outside the strip club, hundred grand sky accidentally interchange the full me one satage for the if at first you don't succeed at it. Change on that.

But picture the seat of the crime here, right? Because the money is in his car. He's not. He's in the strip club, right? Which means I guarantee I'll see you that he was running out of lap dance money going back out to his car and then coming back here with more wads of cash. It happened twice. That's the kind of stupid this show was. It's true. We know at his heart, Whitaker was still a generous man. So he sometimes would give his teenage granddaughter

just like a little walking around money. Teenage granddaughter, $5,000 of walking around money at a time. To a teenage. Wow. Yeah. Naturally, she spent all that money on drugs until in 2004, when her body was found in the trunk of a car,

wrapped up in a tarp. Yeah, tarp. So that's fun. Bad times. Five years later, Whitaker's wife divorced him. His house burned down and his only daughter died. But you know, other than that, this guy was veritably drowning in happiness and joy.

Well, yeah, Tom, I mean, these stories are great, and I'll, but you clearly leaving it out all of those days. You went to a strip club with five figures and didn't get robbed. She's a six-figure six-figure two-tussed list. I feel like someone needs to investigate the reverse bell curve of how much money you have compared with how much drugs you want, because I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it.

I don't get it. I don't. All right, guys, I what's a relationship. But I don't. All right, guys, I'm going to leave you with one final story. And that is of Ronnie Music, Jr. of Waycross, Georgia. Huh. Ronnie won three million dollars

playing the lottery. And he just, you know, you got to invest that somewhere. You got to find some place to put that. So being in Waycross, he naturally chose to invest in meth. For fuck in real. He invested. being in way cross he naturally chose to invest in meth For fucking real he invested he invested his lottery money in a meth ring He set himself up as the money man in a meth ring when investigators rated his shit They found a million dollars worth of meth

Dozens of firearms thousands of rounds of ammunition and six hundred thousand dollars in cash and of firearms, thousands of rounds of ammunition and $600,000 in cash, and Ronnie is now facing life in prison. So we used this millions in lottery winnings to make hundreds of thousands of dollars of math earnings. That's pretty weak. Okay, Mr. Judgey, what would you do with your lottery winnings? Oh, boy, let me tell you. Houston, we're ready for launch in three, two, one.

You did it, man! The first privately funded NASA satellite! Ah, isn't she a beauty? Yeah, I heard it's gonna take brand new photos of the Nebulon galaxy, right? I heard it contains a brand new outreach disc like the Voyager, but it's focused on humanism and has a message of peace. True and true. Nice. Wow, no, I gotta say, I'm surprised. I was at Cecil. Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess I'm a little embarrassed to admit, but with your angry guy persona, I always thought you might use your lottery winnings on petty vengeance.

Instead, you just threw it all to make a world a better place. And man, I underestimated you. I'm sorry for that. Apology accepted. Hey, guys, where's Tom? Wow. About you. Oh, did you lure him onto the satellite

and shot him into space? That's what you did, right? You shot him into space? You did a little bit. I did it a little bit. All right. There it is. I need a new co-host for the other show guys.

I get afforded. I get afforded. All right. So I thought about this and I guess the moral of the story is here, people just bad at having money. So just skip that step and send it to me. I would be better at having you. You would be better than these guys.

Yeah, yeah. It's a long part. So besides having everybody send their money to you, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would be? Cheers to take the fucking annuity. We just do the math question. You didn't account.

One account. All right. And are you ready for the quiz? Sorry, I was buying a lot of math when you answered that question. So yes. So yes. So yes. All right, Tom.

Just how much crack did Michael Carroll smoke? Hey, according to the United Nations World Drug Report crack is about $100 a gram, so something like 30 grams a day. Be fuck. What do people like so much about crack anyways? Madness. See, I'm a skeptic. I ought to try some and see what all the fuss I'm gonna borrow your kids any to borrow your kids

If you can borrow like it nobody loans kids nobody loans. I shouldn't say nobody. Yeah, okay You can't borrow the kid D you can borrow the kids. You can have them But they don't ask me alone. You don have them. Correct. You don't ask them. You don't have to sign them up. Don't. Don't find them. So somebody else does that. All right, so I got one for you.

Tom. All right. Which of the following sentences was actually spoken by one of the subjects of this week's episode? A, hold on there. A piphany. I have more 50s in my glove box. Piphany.

B, hold on. Let me see if your wife's decent. I have more fifties in my glove box. Piffin eating. B, hold on. Let me see if your wife's decent. See, think of how much meth we could get with all this meth and Dean. How about you show your scanners, smothered, covered peppered hashbrows up here. Fucking ass this time. Well, having some intimate familiarity with way cross George, I have to feel like the answer is definitely see it as buying met.

Actually, it was the actual full quote is thinking how much meth we could get with all this meth comma Noah, right? I'm gonna make it too easy, but you got it. Okay, Tom, last question. What was the name of the lottery that the guy who fucked 2000 prostitutes in year one? Okay. Hey, Sucky for life.

The D flower ball. C, smagma millions or D, Slotto. He all with the above because they're fucking perfect. Like, how do you choose among the absolute like having a favorite child? It's all the above correct. You win. Oh, you win, but also a more importantly, Cecil wins Cecil.

Yeah. Who do you want for next week? How can I possibly win BDSA? But I will be. I will pick myself and host the episode. Perfect. So much. So much.

So much. So much. So much. So much. Quarantime makes fun of the formula and then you don't use it and then all of a sudden things fall apart Oh, man, oh You will be the host next week Sounds like a great idea. Oh, all right well for Tom no Cecil and Eli. I'm Heath Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then, Cecil, we'll be an expert on something else.

Between now and then, you can hear Tom and Cecil on cognitive dissonance, and you can hear Eli know on myself on God off movies, The Skating Atheist, The Skeptocrat, and D&D Monis. And if you'd like to help us all out, by buying us some hot pockets and help Eli by buying him some textured toy pockets, I guess?

We can make a wrap episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes, connect with us on social media or take a look at the show notes, be sure to check out citation pod dot com. And how are those pancakes today, sugar? My dear, they were wonderful. Are you ready? Oh, I sure am. All right.

Hits. Yay! And tails. Sorry, Dumplin. Sorry about that. I will. Please, okay, I will give you both the dollar to stop doing this. It's infinitely more money than you'll make it this game.

I promise. No, you don't outta here. Just get on outta here. Yeah. Alright. Ugh. What if I- what if I give you all some crack? Oh, boy. I mean, yeah. Let's fucking party. Okay, great. I'm pregnant.

I know.