Citation Needed - Uranus

Episode Date: January 15, 2020

Uranus (from the Latin name Ūranus for the Greek god Οὐρανός) is the seventh planet from the Sun. It has the third-largest planetary radius and fourth-largest planetary mass in the Solar System. Uranus is similar in composition to Neptune, and both have bulk chemical compositions which differ from that of the larger gas giants Jupiter and Saturn. For this reason, scientists often classify Uranus and Neptune as "ice giants" to distinguish them from the gas giants. Uranus' atmosphere is similar to Jupiter's and Saturn's in its primary composition of hydrogen and helium, but it contains more "ices" such as water, ammonia, and methane, along with traces of other hydrocarbons.[14] It has the coldest planetary atmosphere in the Solar System, with a minimum temperature of 49 K (−224 °C; −371 °F), and has a complex, layered cloud structure with water thought to make up the lowest clouds and methane the uppermost layer of clouds.[14] The interior of Uranus is mainly composed of ices and rock.[13]   Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

But there's no dark matter in that entire galaxy. I know crazy, right? And it's the second one they found and then that image of the event horizon of the black hole? Oh, dude, how does 2020 top 2019 write? Hey guys. You lie. What are you doing here?

We don't record for a couple hours. Yeah. This is Cecil and I do our citation needed astronomy consortium once a month before we record. That's what we're here for. Yeah, that's why we're here. I know. I wanted to see if I could join your astronomy abortion. Get the fuck. She's all of the I'll handle this. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have any fun with it Elias just a lot of Science he talk in an equations theories. What I love that sounds amazing super. I love theories not there's kind of theories Okay, all right here you go name three planets Captain fitness and Hollywood no go away. No. No. Hey. Is there any way come on? Is there any way I can convince you? Yeah, you know what I'll tell you what if you take Kara he's every time he gives us shit for liking smart guy stuff

You can be an auxiliary member of our astronomy abortion Feel I'm in consortium What up nerds just nerd in it up in here with your nerd faces How's that? You're in Yeah, okay. Awesome. Okay, so now Cecil and I were just discussing how twin twin-

Now I can sexually harass people unpunished. Finally. Okay, okay. I should have seen that coming. Okay. Hand shake. Just become a comedian. You can do it then. Hello and welcome, the citation needed.

Podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend Hello and welcome to Citation Needed! Podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Heath, and I'll be your Sherpa of Mount Asplanet, and joining me are three of the models from the North Face's Mount Nearing Husky section. Eli Tom and Cecil, when the other sections have something for me to pet, I will go there. I'm curious. I don't know, not so much a model in that section is like, like the mannequin, like,

booby one of those big, fluffy coats. I freeze up like the kid from a Christmas story. I wish I was like a taunt on, then I could just stick the whole pizza in my stomach and bypass the whole chewing thing. I mean, a tire. Little Caesar's next step. The only way to consume little Caesar's, let me tell you. And also joining me is the guy whose hiking trail name is improves with rage. Please welcome no. I'm still dealing

with the nicotine withdrawal. So this afternoon, I hiked the Appalachian Trail. I'm gonna fuck her mine. Yeah. So tell us Tom, what person, place, thing concept phenomenon or event? Are we gonna be talking about today? All right, today, Heath, we will be talking about

Uranus and I haven't heard the whole episode yet. I'm guessing also the importance of a high fiber diet is in there. So vital. Excellent. And Noah, much like me, Uranus Retentive. Are you ready? No.

You're just playing Uranus. Dude, I was born to. Excellent. Excellent. So Noah, I feel like somebody has to ask this for every topic you pick. Why are we gonna spend a whole episode talking about Uranus?

Okay, that's fair, fair. Okay, I gotta be honest, personal guilt is motivating this one. So back on episode 127, the one that Cecil did about the Voyager program, I talked about how disappointed I was when they first set back the pictures of Uranus's featureless bullshit surface. And then I got to thinking, man, you know, this poor planet got saddled with a butt name, no good moons. It took us thousands of years of stargazing to notice. It got ignored for centuries, even after we did see it. Then it got named after a god who got his nuts chopped off by his son. Does it really need my shit on top of all of that? Okay, so you're doing this entire episode as nerd penance.

Nerd penance. Yep, okay, well, great. It's nice to know Noah has sympathy for one gas giant. Okay, Eli, I've told you before. First of all, it's an ice giant and second, you cannot have fart breaks during the record. But I need to prepare. I don't want to talk about it.

We're not having this fight on it. We're not all farts. All right. Well, last time I hosted, I said the words, tell us about castration. So, I guess this all tracks. Tell us about Uranus. If I had a nickel. If I had a nickel. I pronounce it Uranus if I had a nickel I had a nickel

I pronounced it Uranus, but yeah, that's fine. I guess great. There's gonna be a lot of that isn't there Just a whole lot of that yet. Yes, yes, love it. I mean the root is Latin, but the Greek is orange No, Cecil no, yes, Cecil yes, yes, tell me about it Yes Yes, Cecil. Yes. Yes. Tell me about the screen with the creation of guys with me now. Yes. All right. Do you be clear? I also always pronounce it. You're at us except for the purposes of this episode because anyway, you did always pronounce it that way.

Seventh grade no, a pronounced away. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it Uranus as well, but for the purposes of this episode, oh, you became all adult, the in 11th grade. I'm not. That was serious. I was 60. Thank you. Oh, so Uranus is the seventh planet from the sun.

It's either the third or fourth largest planet in the solar system, depending on whether you're measuring by radius or mass. Yeah, well, when it comes to Uranus, doesn't the radius depend on the mass? It's generally. You got damn well-butter hopes. So that's my one. That's my one.

Not my one. No, you're going to have seven right. You're going to be doing that. All right, so that has the... All right, so it has the coldest planetary atmosphere with a minimum temperature of 49 Kelvin. That's negative 224 Celsius Negative 371 Fahrenheit so fucking cold that when you say the temperature it doesn't really matter which one you're using It sits comfortably about 1.8 billion miles from the Sun on average. It's a little over 19 AU and it takes about 84 years to complete a full orbit. Lazy. It was discovered by William Hershel in 1781 and it's named after an ass in the second

person. It's an asshole in the second person in a text or in an Eli script actually. That's true. I fucking hate that. Just sp Just, how hard is it to write those letters? Are you serious? Hardly very hard. Are you serious? The theory is in your texts too. What the fuck? Not a girl.

So I optimistically wrote in my notes here, let's get the name thing out of the way. I don't think that's gonna happen. I should just stop my recording now then. Yeah, right, right. Sign on. I guess let's just dive all the way in, shall we? So I'd like to.

Yes, the correct pronunciation is your anus. As? That is the fucking name they gave to the planet. Now, urine us is also an acceptable pronunciation. No, this is great. It is not a word. It is not. You're in this perfectly fine. That is the one astronomers prefer, right?

Because they get fewer pissed jokes than ass jokes. Again, I disagree. No, I can do balls. No, don't challenge me. Well, I'm with you. I'm with you. Can't win. I'm with you.

Don't start a p-fight with Tom. I'm as preparing for this. I'm not the hard. Well, you're I'm totally with you, Tom. It is not our fault. They named it after an ash and we are under no obligation to help them cover up their mistake. Look, the naming is really easy.

There's a golden rule. You're in us. That's the golden rule. Follow it. I just love that the nerds all got together to be taken seriously, and that's the solution they came up with. All right, guys, we need a name for the planet that doesn't make us the butt of every chapter of our lab.

You said that. But seriously, Steve, okay, this is the problem. You're actually this. Sorry. Yes, Alan, okay, this is the problem. You're actually this is going to be a problem. Sorry. Yes, Alan, Alan? Yeah. Well, I was thinking because it's also based on the Greek ornus, we could call it Uranus.

Uranus, us, that's what you're going. Yes. We called a meeting to try to stop people from making fun of our planet Your suggestion for a new name is urine us urine us Yes, they'll never make foot of that one right right? Yeah, he's with me this guy's right crushing a gentleman next order of business Are we like all the less than people and getting away with it?

I certainly am. That's why you're on a strontomy day to college. So, I should point out that Uranus isn't the name that Herschel wanted to fill the planet that he discovered? No, yeah. Well, it's not better. He wanted to name it George.

Seriously. What? What did he want? To help him pet the rapids too. See? Because not the brightest astronomer in the bunch, huh? He was pretty fucking bright. Okay, so like he wanted the planets to be Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and George.

I just want to give that to him now. I just like that's it. I like, no, it works comically, right? We're all at back. Well, okay, now to be perfectly fair, he wanted to be called Georgium Cytus, but that's just Latin for planet George, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he had good reason. He was a smart guy. Look, he was a British subject. The king's name was George, and naming a fucking planet after the king is the kind of thing that gets you the biggest telescope on the block by mass or radius, a big... Okay, what if you move Uranus to me and I just hold the telescope in place?

You're not moving it back. You just, you said you would move it back. The slowly. I'm holding still and we're just not. We're doing it a little. Outside of the British Isles, everybody agreed that that was a stupid name for a fucking planet A lot of people wanted to call it her show after Exactly exactly that's also a shit name for a planet now a

Strymer Eric Prosperin Proposed the name Neptune right? That's an awesome name for a planet and to be clear That was on the multiple choice when they went with their fucking And that's because German astronomer Jochen Ellert bowed punked astronomy for all time by suggesting the name Uranus after the Greek god oranus and that's right. They they actually changed the pronunciation of oranus to make it this bad. Why would you go out of your way to do that? I have no idea.

And it's, it's all you are, Ainess. Like, I mean, like, they went from, they like went to second person Ainess to shared Ainess. I'm thinking, I shared Ainess is better for porn, but worse if it's like bumming a cigarette. You know, that's not a throw. Speak for yourself, C. So I would love to try another person's anus for a while, man. That's not.

Um, I think that's just polyamory. And it sounds amazing. That's delightful. It does, it does sound that way, does it? Right? Anus envy, I get it. Yeah, we said. All right.

So now, boats argument, apparently, by the way, was that Saturn was the father of Jupiter. So the next planet out should be the father of Saturn, which makes sense, except there really wasn't a Romanized version of that God. Okay, this is the nerdyest problem that is not actually, no one's trying to solve this with these gods.

Yeah, so, okay, so yeah, we end up with a bunch of Roman gods followed by a Greek one. And that's fine, I guess, right? Last fewer. What does it fucking matter if there are rules? But anyway, it took a long fucking time to settle. It's apparently with a bunch of people sticking with Hershel's wishes and calling it planet George.

It wouldn't ultimately be settled until 1850, nearly 70 years after the announcement of the discovery, when the last reference still holding out the HM nautical allmanack office finally switched from Georgium's site us to Uranus The one guy who's been yelling nay the whole time get to outvote and he's just like yeah seriously Okay, then let's name the next one fucking but wholevania. That's my vote Let's name the next one. Fucking buttholevania. That's my vote. That's what it took.

It took 70 years for somebody to finally give up Uranus. That's, that's impressive. That's it. You know, it's not surprising, but it presses. Also, by the way, other languages don't apparently have this problem. Right. There are parts of the world where Uranus has a cool name in Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Mongolian, and Vietnamese,

its name literally translates to Sky King Star. Yes, it's awesome. What? That's amazing. In Thai, it's called Dao Maritayu. After the Sanskrit word, Miru Tu, which means death, it's literally called the God damn death star in some cultures, and we call it Uranus.

To be fair, after some hot peppers, my anus becomes a death star too. So I was just like, no, it was Tom Zainus, that makes sense. Uranus is just rolling down the street and a guy in a white shirt to briefcase is standing there, won't get out of the way. Just, he's trying to move around.

And great, thanks. He's a now people can't find our podcast in China. I think people already couldn't find our podcast in China. I think people already couldn't find our podcast in China. So anyway, let's back up here a bit. Since the earliest days of stargazing, people identified a number of stars that didn't move like the rest of them. So we call those planets, which literally means wanderer and from prehistory, humanity knew about five of them.

Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Sandard. You tack on the non-planets, the Sun, and the Moon, and you've got the seven planets known to ancient astronomers. This is the state of human knowledge since way before we figured out writing all the way up to 1781, when William Hershel comes along and says, uh, missed one.

Right there. Yeah. Now, for people that live in an era where we discovered new planets on the order of like, damn near 200 in 2019, it's probably hard to get your head around what a big fucking deal this is. Right? They found a couple new continents,

three centuries earlier, they still haven't shut up about that. And the combined surface area in America's less than 16 and a half million square miles, Uranus is 3.1 billion. It's like a, okay, all right. But I think it's pretty fair to say that when getting excited about Uranus, bigger isn't always bad. I don't know that it's safe to say that just universally. So anyway, the, the, the, the point being mathematically speaking, this is 200 times a bigger deal than discovering the Americas. Plus, there weren't already people on Uranus going, Hey, we've known about here of this whole time.

By the way, it would be a lot better of Christopher Columbus stuff that smallpox blanket in his anus. I mean, that was an orange king George or king Fernandez. Yeah, there's a lot of anuses to choose from. So let's be clear about what exactly William Hershel discovered because it's not like he was the first person to see Uranus. It's visible with the naked eye on a clear night. In fact, it's possible that the earliest recorded observation of it goes all the way back to 128 BCE when a Greek astronomer named Hipparchos put it in a star catalog. And while that one's disputed, we know for a fact that it was cataloged by the English astronomer John Flamstead in 1690 and French astronomer Pierre Charles Le Muneu in the mid 17th. And thank you. And that motherfucker observed it at least a dozen times over 19 years, including on four consecutive

nights or consecutive nights with Uranus. No wonder nobody believed it. Despite all these observations, all these learned motherfuckers kept assuming that they were just observing another star, because that's what was out there. Right? You have the sun, the moon, the five planets, meteors, comets, stars. It basically didn't even occur to them that it might be something else. Okay, wait, sorry, but the precedent for planets wasn't established by the five other planets. That just isn't, apparently not. No. For that epiphany, we need sir William Hershel.

Or I guess at this point, just regular William Hershel. People still think that right above the clouds, the benevolent creator of both the universe and child cancer sits on a literal throne. A lot of shit doesn't occur to us, man. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. So, I think Herschel ever gets but hurt about other kinds of night. Like, oh yeah, no, I discovered a planet. What did you do, sir? Erton John? Oh, you wrote some songs? No, I like your songs, they're good songs. She was a candle in the wind.

So her show was nine kinds of brilliant. Okay, he was a German born composer that migrated to Great Britain and his late teens along with his sister, Carolyn. And honestly, Carolyn deserves an episode of her own. Okay, so in her long career in astronomy, she discovered several comments. She became the first woman to ever receive a salary as a scientist. She got a girl salary. It's like 78% of real life, not a bit.

Not even at that time. I'm sure she was also the first woman in England to hold a position in the government. And she lived to be 98 years old, which is a feat. I would have to match to list all the academic honors she was the first woman to receive. But getting back to her brother here, by today's standards, composers slash a strontomer price seems like a weird double major. But in her she'll stay there was this whole class of like, just smart at all kinds of shit people that hersel wanted to join and was qualified to join.

So this composer decides to no shit, buy a few how to build a telescope books, couple books in astronomy, book on trigonometry, another on optics, he takes a few lessons from a local mirror maker on how to do glass shit, and then he builds himself one of the world's best telescopes. Hey, nerd, what you doing with that tube there, Herschel? It's for Uranus, bend over and I'll show you, motherfucker, who the hell is?

Fuck yourself. I mean, generally Uranus, bend over and I'll show you, motherfucker. Fuck yourself. I mean, generally Uranus is still only visible with a well-placed mirror or something. Yeah, and he needed two. So yeah, right, that's... All right, so he starts looking at stars and doing homegrown trigonometry, I guess. And he takes particular interest in double stars.

So these are pairs of stars that appear from our vantage to be really, really close to one another. And the prevailing theory of the day is that close observation of the distance between these stars over time was gonna give us our first observation of stellar parallax. If you remember the Tico Bra episode, that is the relative movement of the stars

as the Earth swings from one side of the orbit of the other. And it's basically the holy grail of heliocentristism at the time. Oh my God, I miss the Atrustkin so bad right now. See? Oh my God. I'm sure you get Tom. Where is an Atrustkin?

Did they have swords? But the Atrustkins had a lot of swords there. They had an astronomy. They knew about, they didn't know about Uranus though. But while we look at, well, he's looking for double stars. He finds something a hell of a lot more interesting. In Margie of 1781, he happens upon a disc

that shouldn't be there because discs aren't there, right? Stars are points of light. So he assumes he's not focused ready. Fiddles with a telescope for a bit and then he goes, oh, shit, I hope they don't give it an ass. That's what Joe Badonka donks said about his kid too... i will have you know that the but don't get on to build this nation worked over on the mayflower killed any fisher

uh... apical but if you go or it's a hersial announces uh... his discovery the same month and become the season first person in human history to expand the borders of the goddamn solar system. He was an overnight celebrity and just so nobody would later accuse him of just getting

lucky on this one. He also pioneered the use of spectrophotography to measure the chemical makeup of stars. He was the first to discover the seasonal shift in Mars color ice caps. He discovered two new moons of Saturn, including its second coolest one. And he was the first to figure out that those double stars were what we now call binary stars and are actually stars orbiting one another. Ha, planet butthole classic. Yeah, yeah.

All right. I'm sorry for some octopus. Nothing. You wanted to see me, Mr. Ershel? Ah, yes, Jenkins. Come on in. I want to show you my new discovery. Oh, boy, call him Mr. Ershel with a mind like yours.

I bet it's amazing. Indeed it is, Jenkins. Indeed it is. It's a planet we never knew existed. It's, planet we never knew existed. It's...it's a what? A planet Jenkins, a far away world. Oh! That's...

That's right, Nifty, isn't it? Ah... You seem... disappointed. No! No, no, no! That's... That's real cool, Mr. Harshal. Jenkins? Well, that's real cool, Mr. Harshal. Jenkins? Well, it's just a lot.

You're one of the smartest blocs around, ain't ya? Well, I don't know about that, but... And I'm okay. You know, here we are in the year 1781. The year of our Lord. Right, so you can't think of anything else you might want to focus on Inventing or discovering right now in 1781 Mr. Herschel. Well, um, I'm also working on a way to find out what stars are made of based on colors

cool Koo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koo. That's all right. NEO discovery of Mr. Herschel. NEO. Today in the year 1781. Yeah, well, thank you. Jenkins, thank you. So, as your sister. Oh, she died of preventable illness for lack of clean water.

Oh, bummer. Yep, real bummer. Heymer. Yep, real bummer. Hey you guys say bummers. Sayon's also fixed a fucking water thing. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we're back.

Noah, you were telling us about how NASA is giant waste money and people used to do the same thing with like logs and fucking laughs. What I was doing, I was telling you. I didn't know you said I wasn't doing that. So I just might be in real boring to look at. Relax with the erections over there. Just tell the story.

All right, fine. Okay, so, so despite being really boring to look at, Uranus has a lot of weird shit going on. Okay, it's not always the look of Uranus that makes an exciting Noah. Mmm, it's usually the look. Um, if this planet is so fucking weird, that it feels intentional. Okay, it's like Uranus has planetary middle child syndrome. It looked at Jupiter's massive size and fractal bands of color, Saturn's majestic rings

and Neptune's haunting sapphire hue, and it was like, oh, fuck, man, I'm gonna need to spin sideways. We don't all kinds of orbital eccentricity if I want any attention. You get a lot of shit for not looking good, but that August picture looks way more interesting than the January one. It's like, true, and it's solid self in the news,

hit the gym, started eating better, learned how to play, and it'll take a selfie the news hit the gym started eating better Take a selfie in seven months like it was way better. Yeah, my proper selfie angle is it someone else You did figured out the president's angle is at Rocky, Bob, oh All right, so let's start with that orbital eccentricity. So the Wikipedia article gives about six different estimates on the planet's average distance from the sun because it changes quicker than a mood ring. Okay, mine just says hungry.

Is hungry a mood? It always says hungry. I think it counts, I think that counts. So at its closest or perihelion, Uranus is about 1.7 billion miles or 18.3 AU from the Sun. At its furthest or aphelion, it's about 1.86 billion miles or just over 20 AU. That's an orbital eccentricity of 160 million miles. So for comparison, if the Earth did that, its orbit would swing from well inside the orbit of mercury to well outside the orbit of Mars.

And by the way, poor Uranus didn't even get credit for that until pretty recently. Up until 2006, we still considered Pluto a planet. Never forgot. Yeah, forget. And its orbital intensity is nearly three billion miles, which makes Uranus is 160 million seem pretty modest in comparison.

But Pluto isn't a fucking planet. What's more, it didn't used to be a fucking planet. We used to think it was a fucking planet, but we were wrong and eventually we admitted that. And if you're one of those people who's still resisting that change, I want to remind you how kindly history looks on people who refused to accept that the sun was no longer a planet. Yes, right?

Persevalle said Venus had dark spots and spokes started a search for Pluto and said there were canals on Mars, not a stellar astronomy. No, see, Seller. We were not mad because Pluto, I mean, crushed it. Wasn't a planet anymore. We were mad because you nerds emailed us that you would change your mind in 2000. God damn it. Yes. Maybe check your goddamn work. We'll have us memorize something next time. We've got to do a whole new.

Now it's fucking mem just son. Onto the axial tilt. Yes, finally. The axial tilt. Oh. So if any planet is going to spin sideways, it shouldn't be the one named after your ass. Okay, if you can't rely on your anus to get creative,

you're barking up the wrong planet. That's a fair. But yet it does, right? So most noteworthy characteristic of your anus is it's 97.77 degree axial tilt. Uh, and that's as defined by pro grade rotation, by the way, yeah, if you wouldn't go that, I'm gonna make a note of that. Ask the dude who plugged it into the wiki article as though they just clarified something. Yeah, it's weird.

The original edit there in Wikipedia was about the Spanish inquisition wasn't that bad if you didn't get a bad answer. Yeah, I'm gonna have to switch to that. Clarify. Switch to that. All right, so consider what this would mean though if you were on Uranus.

No, I literally can't begin to do this. No, I'm not. But you can consider it. You can imagine it. No, not. So near the solstice, one pole faces the sun continuously and the other faces away. There'd be a narrow strip at the equator that would still get a relatively rapid day night cycle, but even then the sun would just hang super low in the horizon.

So basically, if you were anywhere else, you'd get a 42 year day, followed by a 42 year night tool. All right, just gonna put a quick review on Yelp. This is important. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, you in case you need to know this stuff. Now, there are still a number of theories as to why Uranus sits on its side like that. Okay, dumb question, but how can a thing

shape like a ball ever be on its side? No, that's actually that's a great question. So it's the spin, right? So it's spinning on its side. But the picture is the idea that during the early formation of the solar system, an Earth-sized proto-planet probably smacked into it before creating a way or exploding. And perhaps the weirdest thing about that axial tilt tilt is that a strutmer still referred to one side as the South Pole and the other side as the North. Uranus Santa is just hanging out, proto-plank, crashes down, damn, what the fuck, all right. Are we moving now?

I don't know. Is it relative to the origin of the thing? I don't know. I can't, yeah, I can't even picture a spinning ball. I don't know what to do. All right. So now, here's the most, most fucked up part though, because the alcohol, actually, alcohol tilt is more than 90 degrees, that means that the original South Pole is now

considered the North Pole, which means that technically this planet spins in retrograde. All right. which means that technically this planet spins in retrograde. All right, so unlike Jupiter and Saturn, which are classified as gas giants, the butt planet is an ice giant, which seems like a huge missed opportunity, but regardless, it's an ice giant. And we can't really say for certain

what its internal structure looks like, but the standard model suggests that there's a rocky core in the center a little more than half the mass of the Earth's surrounded by an icy mantle over top that takes up the bulk of the planet. But icy mantle is a deceptive term. It's not like the ice planet of hawth down there or anything. There's no well-defined solid surface that you could write a taunt on over. So if you dropped into Uranus, nope, going to need a little more prep work than that.

This is not a casual stop. See, at least that one you can picture. The atmospheric gases would just get denser and denser until they crushed you. Hey Eli, really quick. How much of that phrase gases would get denser and denser until they crushed you, would you say you understood?

Crushing is bad. Okay. All right. It is. Oh, wrap it up. Oh, wrap it up. I'll wrap it up. Okay. What? That's just by the way, technically speaking, Uranus has rings, uh, 13 of them at the last

count, but they're the mall bought wedding bands of planetary ring systems on fairs. I mean, it's kind of cool that they spend sideways, especially since sometimes we're looking at the planet, pull on and we don't generally get that view of Saturn, but still they're made of extremely dark particles. so it's not like they're even trying. I just got an Oculus Quest and I'm pretty sure I can POV fuck Uranus on this thing. She's so sure. I did. I'm pretty sure because I did. You can do that. Oh, okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oculus Quest cannot be your every intersection from now on. Yes it can. Okay. Yes. Sorry. So Uranus also shepherds 27 known moons. So I just got an Oculus Quest. She's so big. There's some I'm gonna push, I'm pushing right through.

Speaking of which, I just got an Oculus Quest. You could do some cool. So, pushing right through. All right. So I didn't know this until I read the wiki, but apparently all of your rate is as moons are named after characters from the works of either Shakespeare or Alexander Pope. And I'm dying to know how Pope got in there. Right? Like, I want to shake. Run out of Shakespearean characters, but find Shakespeare and Alexander Pope I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there.

I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there.

I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there.

I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. I don't know how Shakespeare got in there. because hope is in the name because hope is in the okay. Okay. And so the five biggies amongst the Iranian moons are Miranda aerial, um, real Titania and Obron. Uh, but they're only biggies compared to the other 22.

It's largest moon barely has half the radius of earth's moon, right? And just in case that wasn't enough to take all the wind out of Uranus' satellite pride, the wiki pisses on them with this quote, quote, the Uranian satellite system is the least massive among those of the giant planets. The combined mass of the five major satellites would be less than half that of Triton, the largest moon of Neptune alone. End quote. Ring shaming, moon shaming.

This is a planet positive show. Noah, I have you know, I can't lose you Cecil. You're the only one of my. I mean, I don't know if it's all that bad. If you're going to have a bunch of balls hovering around Uranus, maybe airing on the small side might not be all that bad. That's all I knew I'd go for that argument eventually. Time to make that. Time to the balls. Round your ainus. All right.

So as if to validate my overall hypothesis that Uranus is a gross disappointment to all that have ever known it. Okay, did you take a poll about my, okay. I, co-funded one. So the last subheading before the wiki jumps the ship a reason entirely and starts talking about astrology and shit is titled Exploration and it offers what might as well be the planet's apathas quote. In 1986, NASA's Voyager to Interplanetary probe encountered Uranus. This fly by remains the only investigation

of Uranus carried out from a short distance and no other visits are planned. Look, look, we tried it and we didn't like it. You're being pushy. You're being pushy. planned. Look, look, we tried it and we didn't like it. You're being pushy. You're being pushed. And as if to emphasize that point, by the way, voyage your one past up on seeing Uranus all together to get a closer look at one of Saturn's moons. In fact, when the Cassini spacecraft was done with all its Saturn shit, NASA considered a mission extension that would have sent it out to Uranus to check out some shit, but ultimately, despite the fact that they already had a camera floating around in outer space that had nothing else to do,

they chose to crash that motherfucker into Saturn. Jesus. Ah. All right, Noah, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence about Uranus, what would it be? They might as well, well just called it George. Oh, it would have been excellent.

Two goals. It would have been amazing to just call it George. And are you ready for a quiz from the panel? I am ready to get all up in Uranus. Yes, I sure am. All right, Noah, if Uranus were discovered today, what would it probably be called? A, Planet E, McPlanet face. B, Trump planet.

C, XJ77104, you should learn stuff, fucking come up with names. Probably close, yeah. Or D, the Amazon Prime Directive. Oh, that's good. Actually, those are all very good choices. But I feel like A has aged well since I made that joke earlier. So I'm going to go with that. So mean. All right. No, you missed actually one of the most important details about Uranus. So which

of the below is true? A, as Uranus moves through the universe, it expands to accommodate its position in the relationship. B, Uranus wasn't ignored by the other scientists. It was just rating for the right guy. Or C, the gas clouds of Uranus are made of hydrogen sulfide. So the place literally smells like that. I'm gonna go with C she if for no other reason that it allows me to point out the 2.3% of the atmosphere is methane too. That's what

it's all about. All right, Noah. I know you're not a huge fan of how your reign is looks. That's the A G-string theory, B, a celestial pole, C, a stellar paraslax. Whatever you choose, accessorize with a form fitting kuiper belt. Okay, well, stellar paraslax for Uranus is the most divinely nerdy thing ever said. So I'm going to go with C, but I'm going to do it from a bowing prostrated position, Caesar. All right, I think Noah got them all. So Noah is the winner.

That's right. That's right. No, I'm sorry, with Stellar Paraslacks, Caesar is the winner. So he deserves more airtime after that joke. I'm gonna give him the next essay. Yeah, all right. Yay. Well, for Tom Noah, Cecil, and Eli, I'm Heath.

Thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week, and by then Cecil will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can hear Tom and Cecil on Cognitive Disnance, and you can hear Eli knowing myself on God awful movies, Disnance, and you can hear Eli No and myself on God-Offal movies, The Skating Atheist, and The Skeptocrat, and D&D Minus occasionally. And if you'd like some more audio-medium butt stuff in your life, you can make a per episode donation

at patreon.com slash citation pod. If you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes, connect with us on social media, or take a look at the show notes. you should check out CitationPod.com. Jankins, Jenkins, I came as soon as I heard. Oh, that's right. Good, you Mr. Hershel. Right, good.

Yeah, the doctor says the plague has affected your humors mightily. Indeed it has, Mr. Urshul. It's just too bad. That's what we know about medicine right now. Here in the 1781. 1781. You're a valarde. A real pity. Yep.

Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. Well, listen, Jenkins. I know you've always thought my tinkering a bit impractical. I get that. What? And no, Mr. Herschel, your work is... Right. No, it's all right Jenkins, it's all right. Because I've discovered something quite incredible.

You have? I have Jenkins, and it will change the world. Oh, Mr. Herschel, before I die. Tell me what it is. I have discovered the seasonal shift in Mars's polar caps. Oh, that's that's really neat Mr. Erschel. Super neat. Yes. Oh, did you guys want me to join in a little circle jerk here? Did you join me to say the line? I was just doing such a good job. I'm joking each other off. I didn't want in a rub, you know.

I don't know. Should I say the line? I'll just skip it. I'll skip it. I'll skip it. I'll skip it. I'll skip it. I'll just skip it, I'll skip it, it's fine, I'll skip it.

Hahaha.