Citation Needed - Uri Geller

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

Uri Geller (/ˈʊri ˈɡɛlər/;[1] Hebrew: אורי גלר‎; born 20 December 1946) is an Israeli-British[2] illusionist, magician, television personality, and self-proclaimed psychic. He is known for his trademark television performances of spoon bending and other illusions. Geller uses conjuring tricks to simulate the effects of psychokinesis and telepathy.[3][4] Geller's career as an entertainer has spanned more than four decades, with television shows and appearances in many countries. In 2015, FISM (the International Federation of Magical Societies) invited Uri Geller to deliver an inspirational, motivational lecture to over 1500 Magicians at FISM Italy. Geller admitted that he is a magician and can perform seven tricks.[5]

And so I said, well if I didn't ever say stop, you would technically grade all that cheese onto my pasta, right? Uh-huh. And so she says, this is the storeroom you can't have all of this. Man, so much for if you're here, your family. Right? Yeah, exactly. Okay, okay, I hear you. What about faker? Can I say he's a big faker? Well, no, no, it's not the same thing. It's a totally different word.

Cecil, what's Eli doing? Oh, uh, Eli's essay this week is on Yuri Geller. Oh, the notoriously litigious and ridiculous spoonbender. Yeah, man. That's the one. Yep. Okay, but what I'm saying is nobody knows if he killed Jeff. So how could he? And he's on the phone with our lawyer, Andrew. Right. Yeah. And I'm guessing Eli wasn't exactly careful with his language about Mr. Geller.

No, he was not. No, he was not. Right. That's why we have this phone call. Got it. Yeah, he's on the. Yep. Okay.

Well, nobody has seen him not eat his own poop. This is so confusing. Poor Andrew. Hey, poor Andrew. Hey, while we wait, how much cheese do you guys think is like a reasonable amount? Dude, I read about what happened to you in the paper and I told you I don't want to be involved. Fine, fine. I don't want to be involved in it.

Is it true you ate a pepper spray? Yes. How was it? I've always wanted to try that. Well, I can't take your legal advice if you won't stop crying. Are you sure you ate a pepper spray? Yes. How was it? I've always wanted to try that. Well, I can't take your legal advice if you won't stop crying. It's not crying, that's his normal voice. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single

article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Cecil, and it's E-Lize turn this week. So that means it was about a 90% chance. It was a magician or a con artist. Why not both, right? They say right what you know, Cecil. They say I guess. So let me introduce the panel. First up, two guys who eat so fast, their spoons bend without psychic powers. Heath and Tom. Okay, they keep the points of ice cream too cold in the freezer. That's what Daniel is. It's too hard. It's too much. Yeah, I'm using a What I have truly mastered is speed eating there will be no spoon

And since imitation is the most sincere form of flattery let me introduce our cast Johnny Carson and Yuri Geller Noah and Eli hold on I quit smoking There's no money for Lucinda to take in a divorce. I don't get it I think he's talking about you exposing me as a grifter and a fraud to millions of people. Oh, yeah, okay That's right. Yeah, minus the millions sure dozen Patrons without you we would all be spoon bending grifters. For less than the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can save countless spoons a year.

If you'd like to learn how to save more spoons, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. And with that, on the way, tell us Noah, what person plays thing concept phenomenon or event we'll be talking about today spoon bending rift your seats will specifically your E. Geller. Okay. And Eli, are you ready to tell us about the Steven Segal of spoon bending? Our sweaty, sweaty legal team says they can't physically stop me, Cecil. So yes yes, miss, I know. All right, Eli, who was or is Yuri Geller? Well, Cecil, depending on who you believe, he's either an ambassador sent by extraterrestrials

from a spaceship called the Spectra located some 53,000 light years away to prepare Earthlings for the conquest of our planet or, or he's a con man and a fraud who impossibly managed to sink lower than a professional magician. You decide. You may absolutely not decide. And this still remains the most plausible setup for one of Eli's essays today. So there is a Finlandia. That's fair. That is fair. So born on 20th of December 1946,

Geller is the son of Itzach Geller, a retired army sergeant major, and Margaret Manzi Freud. Geller claims that he's actually a distant relative of Sigmund Freud on his mother's side. He's not, but trust me, that is the least of the things he's going to claim. So throw that out there.

He also claims his mother had been pregnant eight times before she had him, but each pregnancy resulted in an abortion. What? Did she work in a coat hanger factory? I got to know like, what was it about the ninth pregnancy that was the game changer? Just like, all right, I'm getting tired really. It's just let it happen. Yeah, that's the third strike of the three outs. I get it. When the whole inning. So, Gary had a relatively normal childhood. That is, until Christmas day, when he was just three years old, when he was given magic powers by aliens. So according to Galer, quote, I felt something above me and looked up. I saw a ball of light.

It wasn't the sun. It was like, it was something more massive. Something that you could do. Oh, not the sun. God, God, no, I thought it was gonna be stupid. Okay. It was something more massive. Something you could touch.

It was really weird. No, it's one of the others. Yeah, those are. Yeah. Yeah. It was really weird. Wait, no, it's one of the others. Yeah, those are weird. It was really weird, like a spear just hanging there, shining and strobing and then. That still sounds like the sun. This very much sounds like the sun. I just, I'm not sold.

This isn't the sun. And then, I think this is Donald Trump during any clip. And then it gently and silently drifted down towards the ground. Then something struck me. It was like a beam or a ray of light. It really hit my forehead and knocked me back into the grass. Well then it wasn't like a ray of fucking light. From that moment on, Geller could bend metal with his mind.

No, Jesus. He could read people's thoughts and do other things that look exactly like magic tricks but totally hard. Yeah exactly. You know, it's like when you meet the Loch Ness Monster but he's all rubbery and fake looking and you're like, God damn it.

And you can even think of any drink, any drink at all. And it would show up in his sippy cup as a three-year-old. I'm surprised. I mean, he always thought of apple juice, but still like it. It's good. It worked. So after a brief stint in the Israeli military,

he worked as a model for two years before he fell into a career in the nightclub circuit as a magician and mind reader, where he rose quickly to start him, earning the praise of celebrities. And even the prime minister at the time, Golda Maier, who joked about using his psychic powers to predict the future. And fun fact, Golda Maier would use her magic powers to go all over the world, murdering

Nazis and then telling the UN exactly how hard they could fuck themselves when they asked her to stop. He's fun. She would. Yeah. So here's the thing. how hard they could fuck themselves when they asked her to stop. That's true. She's fun. She would. Yeah. So here's the thing. Yuri Geller is a great magician.

He has created a tremendous amount of modern mental magic that performers still use today. I mean, he's best known for bending spoons with his mind, but he fucking invented that shit. And it looks great. Wait, are you sure? Because I've seen you do that trick and it was not impressed. Okay.

You know what? Shit. Tough but fair, tough but fair. You heard yourself a lot. You heard yourself a lot. I did. It's a hard memory. I tried to do it on the radio once.

It's a lot of painful stuff coming up. But YouTube spoon bending and watch someone who isn't meat do it. And keep in mind that he did that shit first. Like when he do a radio appearance, he'd ask people to grab old broken watches and he'd restart them with his mind over the air. And honestly, if he had done all that stuff and just been like, how about those magic tricks

I came up with? That would be the end of it. He'd be like rich and famous and not a fucking douchebag. Well, he'd probably be making balloon animals at a bar mitzvah every Saturday and going in and out of his apartment through the window to avoid his landlord, but that's rich and famous to a magician, guys. That is making much for money. That's good shit, man. Wait, let's keep a heart, but still, you know, I'm making deposit money. Fair enough fair. That's fair. Sadly,

Yeller couldn't help himself. And by the 1970s, he began to claim that his powers were real. And in 1971, he met just the right man for an up and coming fraud on Drega, who Harish? Now, who Harish would almost be worth his own citation needed to say if his entire life could be summed up with the sentence. What if that guy who overreacts to every magic trick work for military intelligence? I know this one. He'd be promoted.

So who are you? Never met a fraud. He wasn't fooled by and Geller was no exception. Boone-Rish claimed to have tested Geller thoroughly helped him reclaim his lost memories of extraterrestrial contact under hypnosis. And even claims to have seen Geller teleport a dog through a wall. Please say that aliens helped him teleport that dog and it was a Scotty dog. Please say it was a Scotty dog. I don't know. I feel like the dog did all the work. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Where's the dog did all the work. Yeah.

Absolutely. Where's the dog nightclub act? So he did the whole thing just by asking, do you want to go outside? Do you want to go outside? Do you want to go outside? Purish even wrote a biography about Geller called Marie, a journal of the mystery of Marie Geller, in which he expanded on Geller's extraterrestrial claims, saying that, quote, Geller had communicated with super intelligent computers from outer space.

And quote, what? According to Puh-Harrish, the computers sent messages to warn humanity that a disaster is likely to occur if humans do not change their ways. That's true. Oh, yeah, just the one disaster you Go ahead and get a better computer, millions. So, Boorish was so confident in Geller's abilities that he arranged for him to be tested in August of 1973 at the Stanford Research Institute by parapsychologists, Harold E. Putoff and Russell Tark. Now, as you point out, these guys are

parapsychologists, which is kind of like being a psychologist, the way being a paraplegic is like being a jogger. And I gotta say, most of the stuff you read about these experiments is credulous as fuck. I mean, right there on the Wikipedia page, there's a video about the experience. And in it, they mentioned that a regalor was able to duplicate a drawing while sealed in a room with no way to see the target,

which was then put in not one but two one Volos. But what the video does not mention is that quote Gellar was allowed to peek through a hole in the laboratory wall separating him from the drawings he was being invited to reproduce placed on a wall opposite the people which investigators Targon Fudoff had stuffed with cotton gauze. Okay, listen, part of the magic is staring at cotton. You guys would understand it, it's a magic. I need this.

In addition to this error, the investigators had also allowed Geller access to a two-way intercom enabling Geller to listen to the investigators conversation during the times when they were choosing and or displaying the target drawings. On top of that, the two scientists in charge of the tests both already believed in Geller's powers and seemed to be aware at times that they were seeing a magic trick. Okay, let me see your card. Here's your card back. Is it the five of clubs? It was the five of clubs. Yeah, it's the five of clubs.

It's, it's, it's, they thought his powers were like a female orgasm, like, like, no, they're real, real, but just like, sometimes it's, it's easier to fake that shit and get detached. I just want to know what they're theory of the fucking case. What? This wasn't on the Wikipedia page, but it is in the James Randy book about Erie Geller. He gets through all the problems with that experiment. And then at the end, he's like, also his manager was maybe there.

No, it's sure. So maybe his fucking buddy was like, hey, all spaceship. Anyways, I'll see you. I'll do these tests. But it was the 70s and as we've demonstrated on this show countless times people always have been no ways will be gullible rubes who roll around on nuclear material like a dog on a wet turd if they find some so. So.

Gellers proven psychic powers reported in every newspaper that it's space to fill on a Wednesday but not all people. And it's at this point in every newspaper that it's spaced to fill on a Wednesday. But, not all people. And it's at this point in our story that Geller would meet his match in a skeptic and magician by the name of James Randy, who would take him down in a very public way. Wow, remember when people reported on things that weren't the coronavirus? God, that was amazing. Anyway, time for some effort to do nothing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I am a convicted wife, Peter. Uh, tonight, gee, wow, we've got a fellow, wow. Oh, boy, he's, uh, he's, well, he's a real doozy mystery man,

urine, geller, and skeptic doubter, and overall, mini pants, uh, no illusions. So... Wow, were late night talk show hosts really that bad at talking? They, uh, they were. Now, uh, look it up. Go ahead. Uh, okay. Now Yuri, you were uh, G-uh, well, okay, you gonna do some things for us, right? Something?

Uh, and indeed I am, my friend. Indeed I am. Uh, you, madam. Yeah, what the fuck do you want? Uh, is it true that you like both things and stuff? Oh my fucking god! This guy's a fucking psychic! Wow, uh, that is really something. Look at that. more things and stuff. Oh my fucking god, this guy's a fucking psychic! Wow, that is really something. Look at that.

No, it is not. Something he did absolutely. Nothing, look, excuse me, same lady. Yeah, what do you want? Do you like stuff and things? Uh, not really, no. Oh, fuck, fuck it, okay. He says he can move stuff with his mind right move this pencil with your mind

Oh, of course, let me see it real quick. Just give it to me. No without touching it. Oh Oh my fucking god, it moved did you see that move? I hate all of you so fucking much. rigorously than we tested hydroxocloroquine. What happened next, Eli? All right, so the year was 1973. Dealer had fooled the greatest scientific minds that already believed he could do what we said he could. So it was only natural. He should be invited on the Johnny Carson show to display his talents. What he didn't know was that he was being set up to look like an absolute ass in front of millions of people. See, Johnny Carson was an amateur magician himself and the whole my powers are real and I fool the scientist stick was honing in on Carson's

car-nack bit. So Johnny Carson reached out to James Randy for advice on how to prevent trickery. Okay. Johnny got it. We're going to make sure no trickery happens. Step one, and I get if this is going to take a while, but you got to do this. You got to remove all the glory holes in the studio. Now, spoiler alert, in order to explain this next part of the story, I am going to have to reveal how metal bending works. So if you don't want that magic trick spoiled for you, go ahead and forward pass this next part. Well, 9-11 truth or think it has to get up to the melting point for that. So.

Yeah. And by the way, just a quick aside, before you do your big reveal Eli, audience, if you've ever seen somebody do this trick and not figured out how they were doing it, shame on you. Just a whole shame on you. Okay, all right, I'll raise my hand. I mean, I've never once figured out a single magic trick ever.

Not, I mean, that's for, to be fair though, I also don't know how my TV works, but I'm still pretty damn sure it's not a series of tiny actors putting on little plays just for me. So if you watch Tom Cruise, it is at least one tiny little hat. Okay. So the way the metal bending is done is, he bends it when you aren't looking. Yep. And that seems overly simple.

Oh, and he thinks you're not looking at it. Yeah, exactly. And if that seems overly simple, you are really underestimating the amount of time people in general aren't looking, even when they think they're looking. So, Randy tells Carson this and his advice is, Hey man, don't let him fucking touch anything, which I can verify makes it very, very hard to bend shit when people are looking. I feel like you made a big deal before about how Geller invented that. Ah! That's right over there.

Oh, never mind, it was nothing. I'm Magneto, like that's not. I'm a Magneto. That's enough. Keith, in magic, that's a revolution, my friend. That's a revolution. Man, then I chose the wrong career. I guess you could be making ears.

So here's how Adam Higgin' bottom of the New York Times described the result. Quote, the result was a legendary emulation in which Geller offered up luster excuses to his host as his abilities failed him again and again. I sat there for 22 minutes humiliated, Geller told me. When I spoke to him in September, I went back to my hotel, devastated. I was about to pack up the next day and go back to Tel Aviv. I thought, that's it.

I'm destroyed. It's the greatest video ever, by the way, the cost of the day. You got to watch it. You get to watch Geller find out in real time that Carson won't let him cheat as he checked with James Randi about how to prevent cheating.

And then you get to watch Erie Geller realize that actual magic is the only solution to get him out of this. So Geller's like, oh, okay. Magic, magic, wow.

I'm actually really tired today, Johnny. I'm not gonna be like, yeah, but he's, I like that he tried though, you know, like he didn't just immediately throw in the towel like, okay, I don't like he like maybe he was just sitting there like, well, just needs to work once. It's just one time. I just need a one give me it. I'm gold forever. So sadly, Geller was not destroyed. According to the Times quote, to Geller's astonishment, he was immediately booked on the Merv Griffin show. It was on his way to becoming a paranormal superstar.

That Johnny Carson show made, Erie Geller, Geller said, to an enthusiastically trusting public, his failure only made his gift seem more real. If he were performing magic tricks, they would surely have worked every time. Failure makes you a real life wizard, our president would be the king of hog wards or whatever. So this public failure and the fame that followed it led Geller to the grift that would secure

his fortune. Mineral down for several mining groups now claims to charge a million pounds for this service which is probably alive, but in June of 1986, the Australian skeptic reported that Geller had been paid $350,000 Australian dollars, and then had been granted an option of 1,250,000 shares of Xanek at 20 cents each for his services. So, considering that dowsing is standing there holding two sticks that do absolutely fucking nothing. That's a pretty sweet gig Hell yeah, man. It's like fucking plan drums for a rock band in the 80s

And again, I choose the wrong career Well, yeah luckily for us Geller has spent the rest of his career making an absolute fool of himself. So in 1992, Geller was asked to use his psychic powers to locate the Hungarian model Helga Farcas, who had been kidnapped. He predicted that she would be found alive and in good health, but she was never found and is widely believed to have been murdered by her kidnappers. Okay, so he used psychic powers to predict she'd be found in a location called somewhere.

And he got that wrong. Yeah. That's actually a must for somehow. Yeah. He's just like, well, where was the last place you used? Did you retrace your steps? Yeah. He just like, well, where was the last place you used to? Did you retrace your steps? Oh, no.

Check the fridge. Look, I'm telling you. In my time, you always got to look high, because you're leaving a pie. And you're not looking at a most stuff around when you're looking. In 1997, he promised to help the Second Division football club Exeter City win a crucial end of season game by placing

Energy infused crystals behind the goals Lost the game five to one The bandit leg Beckham was a challenge and spent four hours rubbing a soccer ball So many just put regular crystals behind the goals to a canceled Madagascar. You ever also starred in the absolutely terrible horror film Sanitarium in 2001 though, it's unclear if he was just trying to check himself in and there was a confusion. In May of 2002, he appeared as a contestant on the first series of, I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. And they did. He was actually the first to be a lawyer.

He wasn't eliminated Eli. Yes, he also has launched several versions of a reality talent show called the next Yuri Gellart across multiple countries and languages. And these shows are all fantastically terrible because the contestants pretend they have real powers and on the show, so does Yuri. But it's a fucking talent show like American Idol. So we have to end every elimination by being like, I guess you are psychic powers.

Weren't there good is this other guys this week this is a Once again name that dog ends in a zero zero He also loves to sue people. He sued James Randy multiple times for pointing out that he's a fraud The only time he's come close to success, fun fact, was in Japan, where the court ruled one of Randy's statements as an insult as opposed to libel and awarded a token judgment against him. Paying Geller only, quote, one third of one percent of what he demanded, end quote. And since the charge of insult is only recognized in Chinese and Japanese law, Randy was not

required to pay. That's crazy. Guys, we should start billing vulgarity for charity as banned and multiple countries with the used to do with the U.S.C. That's a little bit of a sense. 100% So I'm going to go up.

Nothing Ben Shapiro is suing himself in Japan right now. It's fine. Ha ha ha. Again, in 1992, Geller filed a $15 million lawsuit against Randy in his organization. Here's how well that went. Quote, in 1994, Geller asked to dismiss without prejudice, and he was ordered to pay $50,000

for the publisher's attorneys fees. After not paying in time, Geller was sanctioned with an additional $20,000 into the sanction. The suit was dismissed with prejudice, which, according to Randy's attorneys, means that Geller cannot pursue the same suit in any other jurisdiction. And quote. But he hasn't just sued people for pointing out he's a fraud.

He's also pretty sure he owns the idea of a spoon that's bent. In 1991, Geller sued Timex for an ad that featured someone bending spoons and forks, but failing to stop a Timex watch. Geller was sanctioned $149,000 for filing a frivolous lawsuit. He also threatened to sue IKEA for a line of furniture they called the Yuri line. But my favorite example of Geller's lawsuit filing perclivity is from the year 2000 when he sued Nintendo over a Pokemon.

Let me explain. There is a character in Pokemon named Katapra. This psychic type Pokemon carries a bent spoon. And Geller also claims that the star on cadaver's forehead and the lightning patterns on its abdomen are Nazi symbols. So about this lawsuit, he told the BBC in 2002, quote, Nintendo turned me into an evil, a cult Pokemon character.

But Nintendo stole my identity by using my name and my signature image. And quote, now, fun fact, as a result, it could dabra Pokemon card has not been put out since 2002. And as a result, they are extremely rare and valuable. Amazing. He also tried to sue the wakowski's over that scene in the Matrix, but the judge ruled there was no spoon. So. So, Geller has walked his claims about whether or not his power is a real back and forth more times than a Trump press secretary.

He told a German newspaper, he was just a magician, but then he took it back. He appeared at a magic convention in 2007, but while on stage, he spent 20 minutes asking if he was fake, why had he fooled all the scientists? If I'm a magician, then why am I here? Somebody has to tell me, Yuri, insane clown posse does not count as all the scientists. That's not the same. Fun fact, by the way, for the record, even though Gellars' previous managers and accomplices have like, unequivocally exposed him as a fraud and his powers are trickery, he's actually only been caught on camera once, and it was by accident.

In 1996, Null Edmonds, the comedian, set up for a candid camera-esque stunt on his show, Null's House Party. The plan prank was that Yuri Geller was going to like perform and then stuff would fall off the walls and fly around the room. But the cameras accidentally just caught Geller from the wrong angle and very clearly exposed him bending the spoon when people weren't looking. So they showed that and said, amazing.

I feel like you could argue the Johnny Carson thing also counts as getting caught on camera, but yeah. Yeah, I don't know if you were paying attention though, Noah. You see, when the magic doesn't work, that's proof you're not lying about having working magic. And this time it was just proof that magic needed like a booster seat. Right. You'll get it in a bit. Yeah, it's just, that's fair.

That is fair. So today, Erie Geller lives on an incredibly shitty, sad, private island off the eastern coast of Scotland. It claims that buried on the island is an Egyptian treasure brought there by Scota, the mythological half-sister of Tutankhamon in Irish mythology. Anyway, Scota brought it there 3,500 years ago and that he is going to find that treasure with Dousing. Okay. Point of clarification. Irish mythology has a character with an Egyptian half sister. I've got a lot more reading to do. The Egyptian treasure

is just a 3500 year old Ben Spoon with a cease and desist letter next to a friend. In 2014, a 12 foot tall statue of a gorilla made from approximately 40,000 metal spoons was unveiled in Geller's Berkshire Garden by the Duke of Kent. Statue was intended to be donated to a hospital, but in typical Geller style, from what I can tell, it's still in his house Yeah at the unveiling Geller introduced the statue in the most Erie Geller way possible by saying quote This will not raise money for charity. It will do something better. It was a man. All right, Eli, if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be?

Erie Geller is a fraud, pretty, pretty, please, zoom. Are you ready for the quiz? Absolutely. All right, Eli, I have a question for you. If Erie Geller was mangled in a terrible accident and screamed a lot, he would be a gory-yeller. And if I'd be well gory, would I be, would I have a gory for a poor perfectly?, gory would have been a gory for perfectly.

It's still, it's a bent spoonerism, and that's pretty solid. Anyway, that's completely unrelated to my question. I wanted to point it out. So my question to you is, what should have been the signature way that Yuri Gowler kicked people off of his psychic reality show? Hey, saying Yuri move. Ha ha ha ha ha. Be, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Oh, see, D is true, but B has my heart. I'm gonna go with B bending them when nobody was looking.

That is correct. You're super scared. It's gonna come out in a Mee too thing eventually, I'm sure. All right, Eli. If you could have any one legitimate magical ability, which one would you choose? A, flight, B, invisibility. C, time travel, D, cutlery twisting.

He, don't tell me I read minds, I bet you don't choose D. Oh, based on the feedback I've gotten about my magic performances from Noah, I'm gonna choose day. I'm a superhero. I mostly just make spoons so you make a bass and bass. Part of these two. Half and a half of black and tan.

Yeah. I can unbed that. I can just make heroin spoons. This is what I do. It's like unbend to heroin spoon, and then you can have a user pursue you. All right, you like I want more for you. When will regal or die?

A, when a late night host surprises him with a challenge to unbend a soup ladle. B, when he's getting fed at a nursing home and finally pulls off the magic bend and he chokes. Or see, not a moment to spoon. I'm going to go with see, not a moment to spoon. Incorrect. No.

Oh, wow. You almost had it there, but Heath is the winner this week. Thank you. All right, next week, let's get some information from Noah. Oh, sounds great. See, if you want to be the essayist, you just have to laugh the loudest at Heath's shows. All right, well for Tom, Noah, Heath and Eli, I'm Cecil, thank you for hanging out with us today, we'll back next week, and by then, Noah will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, you can listen to all our other shows and you can find out all

about them on our website. And if you'd like to keep this show going, you can make a per episode, donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. Just write, preventing another spoon bending grifter in the check on the memo section when you do it. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check this channel to be sure to check out citationpod.com. And remember, not all con men are magicians, but all magicians are con men. And you see, right here, this is your lifeline. It says you will have a long, long life.

Oh, I will This is real don't listen to him. He has fun sex with teenage boys. I told you that was for the cops And I hope people get that joke