Citation Needed - Utsuro Bune

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

Utsuro-bune (うつろ舟 'hollow ship'), also Utsuro-fune, and Urobune, refers to an unknown object that allegedly washed ashore in 1803 in Hitachi province on the eastern coast of Japan.When defining Utsuro-bune, the bune part means "boat" while Utsuro means empty, or hollow. Accounts of the tale appear in three texts: Toen shōsetsu (1825), Hyōryū kishū (1835) and Ume-no-chiri (1844).   Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

Well, could you mail it maybe? Mm-hmm. Oh, thank you, can mail deep dish pizza though. Oh, what? Okay, so your answer already indicates you don't want to try. I feel like you definitely didn't want to try there. I mean, that's... Okay, guys, you ready?

No, already hard, no. So look, after our live show in Chicago, I've been thinking, what's the best way to reach new listeners? Is there any chance at all you're gonna say put out a good product and hope people notice and tell their friends about it? There is not. There is not. Sure why you asked. That's. Yeah, no, that's on me. And then I was reading the script for this week's episode, right? And it hit me. Boat messages. We get some models, you know, con girls, we put them on a boat and then they wash up on shore boom. Oh, hello, have you heard of citation needed? It's an awesome podcast, people.

We love it. He like, he like, one, that's a terrible way to advertise our show. Two, it's incredibly expensive and three, the safety would be a nightmare. Right. You got to make sure they can sail. We have to secure it. We have to buy secure boats. I mean, this is just, you know, like a little... That's so cool.

Got it handled. Got it handled. All three of them handled, C.D.U.G. Okay. Child actors and old bathtubs. Oh my God. Oh my God. Guy, he put a bunch of kids in boats.

He made out of thugs and he already pushed them out to sea to anything. Okay. So 100% quit the show all of us. Oh So I love you very far. I'll call the Coast Guard. Oh, see if you can get Gary. He was cool last time. He was good. Yeah, I like Gary Hello and welcome to Sitation Needed! The podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts. Because this is the internet, that's how it works now. I'm Eli and I'll be the underpaid and underappreciated public school teacher trying desperately to

keep these paste-eating delinquents in their seats. I'm joined tonight by the kid who can't stop asking if you're going to finish that and the other kid that keeps correcting the teacher, Tom and Noah. This is why I like eating with Noah. Noah is not finishing me all. I'm not sure he's ever even started one. Yeah, Noah's it's kind of more like eating with Noah. Noah's he not finished a meal. I'm not sure he's ever even started one. Yeah, Noah's it's kind of more like eating near Noah. Yeah.

Ken confirm, Ken confirm, and also joining us tonight. Someone way too competitive about school yard tether ball and the kid who fell asleep so deeply in class that teacher just left in there, Heath and Cecil. Okay, you know who complains about people being too competitive? People who are losing that too, like whatever. You've got time to permission to lip stop crying. It's tetherball. It's serious.

Welcome to Thunderdome. Look, I'm not losing. I'm strategically sleeping on the tetherball court here. That's nuts. Now, before we begin tonight, we want to take a moment to thank all the people who donate to this show on a regular basis. You are the best. And if you'd like to learn how to join the ranks of the best, we want to take a moment to thank all the people who donate to this show on a regular basis. You are the best. And if you'd like to learn how to join the ranks of the best, be sure to stick around to

the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us, Noah, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event, will we be talking about today? Oh, you can always tell us going to be a weird to pronounce one when you ask me today. We're going to be talking about the Japanese folk tale of Utsurubuni. Excellent. And Cecil, you assured me that this didn't involve tentacles, despite what I put in the suggestion box. Are you ready to disappoint my fellow otaku sexuals?

Is that a fancy name for vegan or something? That's disgusting. Pretty much. Yeah. So Cecil, tell us what was unhappy bunny. No, no. Racist. I call, I call racist. I don't know how many times. What was unhappy bunny? No, no. Racist.

I call, I call racist. I don't know how many times I don't know if that's particular racist, but I think that your comments don't stand. So it's urubune is the folktale of a foreign object boat like thing that supposedly floats onto the shore of Japan and people think it's aliens, and it might be, but it probably is more like the kind that we keep in cages than the kind that mutilate cattle. Okay, well, obviously you've never gone cow-tipping

with your Mexican friends. Heath, what's your Mexican friends, not racist name? One, so close. Jose, Jose. Less close. Is it? Less close. Okay, so I want to start by talking about the sources. There are three books published between 20 and 40 years after the supposed incident that mention it. And I'm going to use the English translations of these titles to not embarrass myself by trying to say something

in Japanese. These books are tales from the rabbit garden, diaries and stories of castaways, and dust of the apricot. Oh, okay. Those are the titles of increasingly graphic gulf door. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Tast.

Japanese porn titles always confuse me. Like I watched all of Seven Samurai with my dick in my hand feeling very confused. Yeah. No, me too, me too. I was also confused by your dick in my hand. Oh, you were not. You were not.

You said, that's what you said to, okay, it was to take this off the ice. I said what I said. I know what I said. No, you told me what it there. You didn't say what to dip in this salsa. You got to read my eyes. You got to read the room time. Whatever. All right, Ossies.

Uh, who were in the edit? I can say whatever I want. Hey, everybody, I'm excited. I'll point out that these three books reveal common details and tell a similar tale. But Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John were written about the same subject with similar details and written in a 50 year span. We all think that's bullshit too. Okay. Wait, four dudes, same basic storyline, very predictable. This is definitely porn, right? I know. This is a formula. Well, I mean,

I mean, I'm buying that this boat walked on water if that's what you're selling. And at least troubles already written the case for Ghost Boat. So you might as well tell us what we're doing with the air sees. So the most detailed account of this story comes from the rabbit garden book. Thank you. The story what the story goes that on February 22nd in 1803, a fisherman from the Hatachi province saw something in the ocean. Okay, if this is about how the

Hatachi magic wand was delivered by aliens in 1803, like my and liquid metal guy, I'm going to be super happy about this. What I'm very confused because I saw what the bleep do we know. And I thought you can't see things in the ocean if you don't expect to see them first. Oh, right. That's the message. And it's a smart movie. So this thing floating in the ocean looks like a bowl. They describe it as resembling a Japanese incense burner.

It's 10 feet high and 17 foot wide. Love it, girth. Ooh. Very thin. Nice. I also want to point out that the stories are weirdly specific on the size of this thing. The Japanese fishermen decide to take the odd looking water craft back to shore with them. One of them's just like, dude, why are we doing this?

What if I want big soup, huh? Think about it. So the top of the ship is made from red coated rosewood. Oh, that is so space alien. Yeah. The bottom is covered with some hammered metal to protect the hull from rocks on the shore. There are some windows on the structure made of glass or crystal caulked with tree resin

and reinforced with bars and metal. Okay, this is super clear now. I'm really disappointed to know for leaving this out of the vibrators episode like, come on, man. This is just in detail. So the inside of the boat is hollow and filled with texts written in a language that no one there can recognize. Ooh, a written language that not even early 19th century peasant fisherman could recognize.

I think like I don't speak like 6,499 of the 65 hundred languages currently spoken. So I'm going to go like chances are here. Oh, the words are gibberish, but this diagram seems to be pointing above the vagina. How would that even be useful? Why would you be, what the fuck are they pointing out above it? They're missing. Is that where food goes? I don't.

Also inside of this graph, a beautiful nearly five foot tall woman. Again, they're weirdly specific about how tall she is. Cecil, Cecil, wait, maybe not so weird, five foot tall if you're Japanese, pretty much guarantees an age of consent. So again, this is definitely porn. We are, this is a, this is porn. She has a jug of water that the text, I guess, estimates at 3.6 liters. Again, super concerned with measurements in this story. Not a gallon of blood. That's a three six.

I look at it. That's an estimate. Like we're down to the decimal on our. No, I, I'm the person who said the estimate because it says literally 3.6. Oh, I figure the estimate. I didn't play Adelaide on the mirror. It's measuring cups or a scale with them. I just guess. 3.5, 8, 3.5, 9, 3.6.

Okay. I'd say that back. They maybe they had a precise set of measurements in which to measure leaders. I have no idea. So they estimate that she's between 18 and 20 years old. Told you, right? All right. You have a very narrow area of expertise but. And she had red hair and

eyebrows and her hair has white extensions and she had some cake with her and some kneaded meat. Oh, in a fucking case a scotch and five puppies and a roll of masking tape. T-shirt that says I don't like phone calls. That's happening right now. I don't know what to think about the needed meat thing. I mean, I like that she has some experience. Yeah, but yeah, you don't like them, well, you don't like them to take souvenirs.

I mean, it seems to me from the picture that you're painting a station, if you bleach your hair, I'm pretty sure you have the opening credits of I dream of Jeannie, right? So I just wanna point out, it's weird the order these guys check this craft out in, right?

Hey lady nice to meet you. Is that rose? How much water is in that jug? I wanna know to the decimal point how much water is in that jug? We'll get to the ball and meet later, but yes, Rosewood. So her skin is pale and pink. Okay, Cecil, but what does she look like on the outside? Oh, Jesus God.

God, yeah. Come on, Cecil. She's covered from that. I will. I will. As soon as you stop talking, I can make the edits. How? Perfect.

She's in very fancy robes made from cloth that they don't recognize. She starts talking and nobody knows what language she's speaking and the confusion is mutual because she doesn't seem to understand them either. So it's basically like a geysin tourist. Okay. All right. So here's my theory. Somehow, uh, Rihanna got taller and darker since 1803 when she arrived from space on a ship made of her 17 by 10 forehead.

Same kind of mumbling now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So wait. So are you burying the lead here? You're telling me that Sophia Coppola stole that ending. So very, very specific joke. Yeah. That's excellent joke in Japan. It's an excellent joke. Thank you. You know it's a good joke when Eli's throwing you a pity compliment. Yeah.

Because you know there's a movie nerd who's like, huh? Like very loudly on a train right now. He gave you like a specific, he tweeted hot. It's a back to the story. She has this box, which we've already established as PalinPink. Oh gosh. That's it. All right, so I won't edit that out earlier.

It's about two feet across. Whoa, varsity. She won't let anyone there look inside or touch it. Again, this is pussy. We're talking about hashtag me too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She seems nice, but really super obsessed with this hell razor cube that she's got. Okay, the vibrator thing just keeps getting more likely, but I love the way your teeth in this one out. See, so well done. Yeah. So in this story, there's

an old pining old man who goes into some rampant speculation about this girl's origin story. And I'm just going to reach straight from the article here. Quote, this woman could be a princess of a foreign realm who married a man at her homeland. But when she had an affair with a town'sman after marriage, it caused a scandal. And the lover was killed for punishment. The princess was banned from home for she enjoyed lots of sympathy so she escaped the death penalty instead She might have been exposed in that utsoro bune to leave her to her destiny. Oh, okay What or alternately guys it could be any other story

It's it's literally the story of a cosmic tea pot like it is. So it gets in you as quote, if this should be correct, the quadratic box may contain the head of the woman's disease. What the fuck in the box? What's in the fucking box? In the past, a very similar object to the woman with a woman was washed ashore on a close by beach. During this incident, a small board with a pinned head was found. The content of the box could therefore be the same, which would certainly explain why

she protects it so much. What the fuck in phone? This has happened before. Like, bitches like direct to it up in that fucker. Huh? This is starting to sound an awful light like the explanation from Eli has to why there's a $900 charge from the company account for defensive netting or something though. Yeah. Wait, she could have been a princess. So the quote continues quote, it would cost lots of money and time to investigate the

woman and her boat. Our space travel budget. It's good, but it's not great. So it's only three. It continues since it seems to be tradition to expose those boats at sea, we should bring the woman back to the Serobune and let her drift away. That's our close fuck.

Yeah, I know, man. And I guess there are other versions of the story, though, where the woman stays, where the boat lands and girls old there, but most of them basically just shut that bitch up. Okay, like I know the saying there are plenty of fish in the sea, but like when an actual woman washes up in a space boat with a pension for her, you don't throw her back in the water. That's a keeper.

That is absolutely. This guy is like men's rights activist Sherlock Holmes. I can tell from the drape of her garment she's a disgraced haul with a box full of dead guy. Let's push her out into the ocean. Yes? Let's not talk about this literally ever at anymore. Okay.

Cecil, is there a second version of this story? Broke him. That's my only seasol. Or a possible dead guy. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've already decided that's fucking awesome. That's every single person on Reddit. All right.

So the dates change when we read the account of the dust of the apricot. Okay, that sounds like a poem about my testicles, like a really nice one. The story from there is about a month later in March when she lands in shore. Also the boat isn't nearly as colorful in the story. It's coated with black paint like a goth kid's bedroom. An alien call. Oh, hey, do you remember when that white woman showed up? is coated with black paint like a goth kids bedroom. An alien, go. Never.

Yeah. Oh, hey, do you remember when that white woman showed up on the beach in that big black ramen bowl? No, which one? What? I want to say it was the one in January. Oh, yeah, we decided not to keep her. So didn't make the biggest impressions.

Maybe March? Yeah, I know. Can you I the rest of the stories seem similar, even down to the measurements by the way. She's the same size boats the same size. She's beautiful and pale. She's wearing cloth. They don't recognize and they don't understand her. This in the story though, there's rugs in the boat and she has a cup with ornaments that they can't identify. Okay, like a lot of effort seems to be put into getting rid of her. Like, are they're not easier ways to get rid of women, wherever she's from? Just want to say we still haven't rolled out Hatachi wand origin story here. Also, sorry, see dog real quick. Does this second version also end

with them pushing her out to seat and die. Yes, it does. Oh, that's it. Yeah. Okay. Now, now they point out in the article, in the Wikipedia article, that this type of story is common in Japan. In fact, there's a myth from the 7th century in Japan that's really similar. In it, a fisherman finds a girl from mainland China in a boat.

She tells him that she's the daughter of a Chinese emperor and she had to run away from a wicked stepmother. And in this folktale, she's the one who introduces silk cocoons to Japan. Okay, great. Now I'm trying to decide if I want to type silk cocoon into herb indictionary or if I want to sleep at night. Spoiler, I will be up later. That is right. Well, while the guys explain to me what the fuck a silk cocoon is, we're going to take a quick break for a little ditty we like to call apropos of nothing. Lieutenant Gathnar. Yes, sir.

Are you ready to make first contact with the humans? It is my honor, sir. We shall bring them into the future. Imagine, no war, no famine, no disease. In a matter of days, they'll be exploring space with the rest of the universe. Indeed. So, here's the thing. Yes, sir.

As you know, the Mac and L'Glororean light bridge has consumed quite a bit of our budget. Of course, sir! So, for Earth, we're not... You know, we're not going all out. All out, sir? Yeah, with the ship and the, uh... universal language lights thing. Oh! We're not.

No, no. We're going to be more subtle you will be arriving by sea I'm sorry by sea yeah see we'll drop you off in a sea vessel from Remulon 5 and you sort of you take it from there oh okay okay I guess I could it's sort of paddle. Yeah, um, for your atmospheric conditioning units, we do not have any more gloriums. So... The eight-foot doll avatars that speak all languages and heal with a touch? Yeah, Gary knocked over. A bunch of them just went down like dominoes, you know?

Sorry! I said we'll talk about it later! What about that? Okay, so if we're out of them then what am I going to be going down as um Heron Gillett humans are kind of fucked aren't they? Oh Yeah, kind of you guys want to soda. I'm I'm going to the bending no Gary. No! Okay. lady out to see. So Cecil, any weird theories about this story besides it being just one and a long line of lady murders. So some people throughout history have tried to read into this legend and place a level of importance on it that it really does not deserve. Let's just call these people UFO nutters. That seems like a reasonable turn. me. Ah, actually, that's already the name of my meetup group

that gets together to jerk off onto scale models of alien spacecraft. Can we use something else? Just so I don't want listeners to get confused. Okay, quick question. How do you know they're to scale? Just what's the opposite? That's what caught your brain in that set and style.

I give a lot of leeway with Eli. Noah, I want them to be confused. I think we should keep using the name. Thank you. They have lots of things that they point to to show us that this was actually alien visitation to the shores of 1800s Japan. And the best part of this is that Japan stuffed the alien back into the ship. Now we're good, man. We're good. This is the most tough and easy shit. Wow. The White House wishes they thought of

this to explain our refugee policy. No, we love to help. Now Matt turns out they're all space travelers who don't want us fucking with their slow Honorable boat death so Culturally insensitive to help actually, okay, and you know like That's not Exactly not our policy But no, but the honorable boat death that's Australia's policy the honorable boat down. That's Australia's policy. We don't use boat. Right. So these UFO nutters, who are word nutters start by saying that the windows were stronger than normal glass and that they couldn't break them. And then the bottom part of the ship was covered in

metal that the Japanese had never seen before and was clearly otherworldly or at least refined to a point where it was unnatural at the time. Okay, I just, I love this because I love that they don't know what it is. They don't want to spend the time trying to find out, but they're at least going to take a moment and see if they can fucking break it. She's, oh, she's, meanwhile, Ockham's in the corner slittiness risk. With metal, we don't recognize and and therefore, Occom is an alien. So the UFOologists also say that there were panels inside the craft with strange markings.

And this makes it seem like they weren't just textile panels. They were like control panels. And they also claim that she was in a onesie or something like that, and they claim with some kind of space. What does every culture think there's going to be like a clothing singularity in the future? Like, I hit a breakthrough in onesie technology and that's going to be it. All right, I don't spend the episode shitting on your dreams.

Two votes. Two votes. They still keep the part of this tale where the woman doesn't speak the language, though. It's just amazing to imagine this hyper powerful aliens from an advance civilization traversing the immense distances of interstellar space only to get the earth and not know how to communicate with us. Yeah, right. To have not fought on that.

Yeah. Just the alien version of Eli getting all stoned with his buddy trying to figure out how he can use the wormhole gun. Dude, I'm going to send him a white lady with a mystery box to shame, am I right? Why, why, what are you referencing there? What do you mean to shame? It's a sociopolitical commentary man. What's the commentary? What are you saying? Meta. Okay. How is that meta? Do you want to use a wormhole gun or not, stop being a dick. You're ruining. Okay. Just think about the words you say. I mean, you can't just say it. No. The one piece of information that these UFOologists point to as the smoking gun is the symbols and illustrations that were in these three books.

The ship looks weird admittedly. It looks like a child's toy top. It has a rounded piece at the top and a pointy bottom. They think it's a flying saucer. The image of the figure looks like a human in a long dress, not some alien in super suit. I guess they show some symbols that were taken from it in the illustrations, but to be frank, I just don't read Japanese so the entire page is symbols.

I don't recognize those. Same aliens are like, okay, okay, what if he was made up language of meaningless text on the walls of her boat? Oh, okay, so like a reference to Roland Bart? Exactly, exactly, that's exactly. Cool. Yeah, okay, for1,000, name anything written by Roland Bart. Oh, letters to Mrs. Bart. Okay. Give me a thousand dollars. You can't start saying. Okay. There's a large portion of this article dedicated to heading these

wackos off the past. And while they don't know, please say, this is debunking this bullshit. It's pretty much a subtext. They start by talking about an investigation done in 1844 by a person by the name of Koyokute. His name is Toby. No. And in his investigation, he talks about a book that has very literal title in Japanese records of scene and heard things from Russia. And he starts like the lady in the legend might be a Russian. Okay. Somebody needs to take away Toby's security clearance. Like where? It was crooked Hillary in 1803. It's a witch hunt. He's famous. She was 43. Okay. Cecil. I mean, not for nothing, but like, isn't it possible that the explanation is just that,

you know, this never happened at all, you know, because they don't probably didn't, and then there's nothing to explain. Applame, so. But they didn't have space in the article for the other seven billion people to pay. So, just one guy. The book describes similar hairstyles and clothing and it says that women in Russia would have natural red hair. Okay, hang on.

Really? In Russia? Red hair. The symbols in the text could be Russian or possibly British or American? Sure. Or any other language. But go on. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But the guy eventually settles on the idea that they must have been princesses from America or print. That's a long ways to come. I mean, to be fair, an American princess is still more likely to space alien in an iron clad candy corn. So sure. Why not?

I also talk about another investigation done in the early to mid 1900s by historian name Yuna Gida, Kuneo. His first observation was that round boats weren't unusual in Japan. In fact, the early versions of this story have the lady not in some very elaborate hand hammered crystal windowed ship. They have her in an open top log boat. His assumption is that no one would buy that an open top boat would be able to sail the open seas to the tail change to a princess in a more sea worthy vessel.

Back to the aliens is to it's about class struggle. Jean the bourgeoisie in the proletariat is the princess. See, oh, really? Okay. Well, double or nothing. Mark's first name, Harp. Okay. Wasn't even born yet. Okay. Cecil, uh, quick recap. This is a red headed Russian lady who survived an overseas voyage to Japan in a canoe with a rugged and full of Christmas ornaments. Am I?

Yeah. That's pretty much okay. Okay. Just I wanted it to not see ridiculous. So I thought back out loud. Another researcher named Dr. Tanaka points out and rightfully so in the goddamn story, the fucking thing doesn't even fly. Just float in the ocean. Would you write? There's some alien technology. It acts like a fucking boat man. Turns out it's aliens on a shitty duck boat tour.

Oh. turns out it's aliens on a shitty duck boat tours. Oh, they were like 17 other aliens on the tour began, but there's a storm. So. Dr. Tanaka also searched through the records to see if other parts of the story were accurate. Other parts? Can we go to 10 parts? I know. That was one. He found the name of the feudal lord in the record books, but when he checked on the lands that the guy ruled over, he found that he didn't have any lands on the Pacific coast. And he found out who was in charge of that area. And he couldn't find any mention of this happening in the records. He also couldn't find any evidence of the city where it took place. And the article suggests that if the name changed, that would have been recorded, but there's no mention of the name at all.

Okay. So either proof of extraterrestrial charade based visitation in the early 1800s or something else or nothing. I'm like at some point, can't we just decide to just not investigate this kind of nonsense because it's nonsense? Like we have to launch a fucking investigation on whether we can in fact put Humpty Dumpty back together again. How many of the King's horses do we get? Fuck. Are they Russian horses? I had a Russian horse. Tanaka and Yanagita basically conclude that the story is an allegory for Japan's isolation and xenophobia. Oh, stone de aliens are just like,

a Commodore Perry ending the isolationism. That's, that's what I was told. No, it's too late. It's too late. It's over, man. Just pass the joint you've been holding it. Good. Gonna put your head in a mystery box.

That doesn't, that doesn't even make sense. What are your head? It doesn't make sense. Okay. That's a lot of mystery. Seriously, pass the joint. So the moral of the story basically showed how afraid they were of illegal immigrants. Even if in their folklore, the aliens were already in cages.

And Cecil, if you had to summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be? You're traveling across the galaxy at least take time to download Google translate on your iPhone. Now you're down. And are you ready for the quiz? Abs of friggin' tootly. Alright, so Cecil, what other elements of Japanese culture are upon examination less than they were cracked up to be? A, the number of dick tentacled monsters has been greatly exaggerated for film effect. B, the word origami literally translates to fold paper

and take some of the excitement out of that. See, their pubes aren't naturally pixelated. Or D, we are still very much Caucasian regardless of what the vapors took. All right, I think I'm gonna go with C. I've seen a Japanese person naked in person and their pubes were vector based. Not as pixelated. That is correct.

I thought I was going to get you with that one. I forgot you're the one who sees naked ladies sometimes. Yeah. All right. See some my turn. Cecil, if you have a surplus of princesses, what is the best thing to do? Hey, reconsider how you count your princesses. Probably not a surplus.

B, gives me a very important message, put the men a bottle with a cork in it. Throw them in the ocean. Or C, nothing. This is a stupid problem to pretend you have. I'm gonna go with secret answer. D, I have one extra princess, but she's stored in another castle. Damn it. Damn it. Is that correct or?

Yeah. Alright. Got it. Okay. Cecil. I did. He said, yeah. I'm good.

I'm good. Cecil based on our knowledge of Japanese literature. Of course. I mean, Hantai, what happened at the end of the story? A, the old fisherman grew eight giant octopus dicks and fucked the shit out of that secret box, obviously. B, he finished, turned on some Ting Ting ASMR, everybody check that out and finish it again while asleep. See he had a tricky cleanup the next day or D all the above. I'm going to go with D and I

wish you would stop sending me all your texts and with pictures like pictures. Absolutely not interested. You have to rip it off like a band-aid. Your sheet just gets right up and it's been there. The key is to keepaid, your sheet just gets right up. Yeah, gross. Get it. Been there. The key is to keep water by your bed. You splash yourself. Anyways, Heath wins. All right, I stumped you because whatever you said was wrong.

I am going to pick Eli for next week. Excellent. I am good at that. Now, I'll toss it over to Sarah for our last week's Twitter answer and this week's Twitter question. Not last week's necessarily, but eight weeks, eight weeks. Some weeks, eventual weeks. Thanks, Eli.

The last question was, what's the best name for a vibrator? The answer comes from Geno on Facebook with this. Clity, Clity Bang Bang. This week's question is, what the hell was in the box? Just retweet our Facebook share this episode with your answer for a chance to be next week's winner. Back to you Eli. Alright, well for Cecil Noah, Tom and Ethan, Eli, they can you for hanging out with us

today. We'll be back next week and by then I will be an expert. None something else. Between now and then you can listen to Heath, No, and I on the Scathing Atheist, The Skeptocrat, and God Awful Movies, and you can listen to Tom and Cesar on their show, Cognitive Disnance. And if you'd like to help keep this show going,

you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod, or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes, be sure to check out citationpod.com. And remember, if you're not funny, don't give us notes. you