Citation Needed - Vincenzo Pipino

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Vincenzo Pipino (born 22 July 1943), also known as Encio, is an Italian thief from Venice whose exploits earned him the nickname "the gentleman thief". He is the first person to successfully steal from the Doge's Palace, and has been responsible for some of the most sensational art thefts in the city. Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

I'm saying I waited two years for a bad zombie movie. Dude, that's why they hired Sam Raimi. I miss Joss Weiden. Well, really? Do you? Bad people can make good content, Tom. I'm not giving a buffy the vampire slayer. Okay, that's a weird hill to die on.

Hey, what up guys? You ready for the partay? I guess so, man. What's with the celebration? Okay, so, you know how whenever I missed the show, you guys are always like, oh, he ripped his dick off, jerking off of his mom or whatever, so bullshit pranks like that.

We do say that, yes. So, Cecil hasn't missed the show in like two years. So I figure what better way to prank him than this? I just Cecil misses an episode cause he was trying to fuck a goat, but it kicked him so hard to shut his pants instead. You made a banner? I did, I did make a banner.

We can say it in the intro, and also I invited a bunch of podcast people we know to like tweet it and say it on their shows and stuff. Uh, dude. No. I know what you're going to say, I know what you're going to say, but I don't care. You guys always do this thing whenever I miss the show. Cecil never misses the show. This is our chance to finally get him.

Okay, he's, no, you guys always do pranks on me. We never do pranks on anybody else. I wanna prank Cecil, and I wanna get him, and I wanna tell the whole internet, you tried to fuck a goat, and you shat his pants. He Cecil's missing the show today, because his cat died. He and Sarah are like like really upset about it. Oh, I, okay.

I just thought they were on vacation. No, no cat. You sure about that? Okay, did you send seesol a message that you were going to do this in his absence? I did. Yes, yes I did. Can I ask how? Sure, yep. It was a singing telegram.

Oh no. I see. Yeah, do you think it'll be cool? No, I do not think that. Definitely no. Okay. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed! The podcast where we choose to subject free to single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts.

Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm Eli Bosnick and I'll be cracking this paper. Caesar will be unable to join us tonight, send him some love, but I've rounded up the rest of the usual suspects to help me tell the tale. The BA face and Hannibal to my Murdoch, Tom Noah and Heath. Okay, it's not wrong. Some people are ass men, some leg man. Me, I'm a face man. I like enormous faces. Easter Island is basically my viadrag. It's the large face. Okay. All right, but you were the Mr. T in this analogy, Tom. I am obviously face. One random listener ranked us by attractiveness once, and I think that's pretty definitive.

It's true. And that random listener was apparently Tom, who's a face man. Yeah, face man. Who's face man? Absolutely. You guys don't like faces? I'm a face man too. It's not. You look like when we're without faces. I see them in my head.

You know, bathtub spigots and shit, yeah. What are you doing? Interesting. Before we begin tonight, we'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons. Patrons, without you, we'd be unable to buy the narcotics, pharmaceuticals, and cheese. We so deeply require to provide everyone with japes. Thank you for the japes juice.

And if you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us, Heath, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event. We'll be talking about today. Vincienzo Pepino. So who is Vincenzo Pepino? He's one of the greatest professional thieves of all time,

responsible for over 3,000 heists at museums, banks, galleries, and his specialty, the residences of obnoxiously rich people in his hometown of Venice, Italy. This includes thousands of kilograms of gold, millions of lira and euros and dollars, and most notably a whole bunch of extremely valuable art pieces. But during the course of these crimes, he never committed any acts of violence, and when it came to the art, he almost always turned away for the stolen items to be returned to the owner in exchange for a reasonable

ransom or personal favor. Reasonable? This was often accomplished in cooperation with kind of angry police who knew it was him for sure, but they couldn't prove it technically. So they reluctantly went along with the trade Z-Baxies game that he was doing. And it was this MO that got him the nickname the Gentleman Thief. I think you'll find when I broke into your home and stole your stuff. I didn't murder you. They call me the super good guy who does stuff that is cool. They do. Wait a minute. He returns the art that he stole back to the original owner for a fee.

So he robs from the rich and then gives it back to the rich. Yes. Yes. Like he's less thief, more bureaucrat. Yeah. But the fame, oh right, yeah, I see what you're saying. So you know, who was born in 1943 and he started his career as a thief at a young age while growing up in Venice Italy.

At age 8, while he was working at a local bakery, he pulled off his first big heist. He stole a 50 liter aluminum milk churn, rolled it through the streets of the city, and sold it to a junk dealer for scrap metal. He also stole a 30 kilogram bag of sugar from the Italian Navy, while making a bread delivery to one of their shipyards. Now, I'm not sure how an eight-year-old finds a fence for a giant bag of sugar.

Maybe just slowly ate it by the handful from under his bed. I don't know, regardless, his lifelong passion for th Thevery was born. All right, also, I will tell you who nobody is fucking with, and that is an eight-year-old who can pick up a 66-pound sack of food. Thank you! And run away with what he was jacked! Yeah, yeah. And unless he did the rest of his burglaries from a rascal's scooter,

I'm pretty sure he didn't eat the 30 kilos. He looked at me. Hey, I'm still a working on it. So by the time Piano is 10 years old, he was already ramping it up. His family was relatively poor, and when there wasn't enough food on the table, he'd go to the famous Piazza San Marco in Venice and just walk up to tables full of people at the cafes, take their food and run away. No, don't.

But by this point, he'd learn to all the alleys and backstreet's around the city, and when the cops would chase him, he'd very easily parkour his way out of the situation and then disappear into a crowd. You know who I would hope would also know their way around the city? The police of that city.

You think? Sure. They did Eli, but they weren't expecting like, some assault juke's. Exactly. Exactly. Well, it might experience the key is to get up high and then dive into a hay cart. You're not going to have a hay cart. More or more lots.

He was definitely doing that. Enzo, yeah, he's part of his name. So eventually, Vincenzo's mother found out that her son was into thieving, and when he was 13, she tried to scare him away from the life of crime. She told him a story about a neighbor who stumbled in the stairwell of their rundown building and impaled her leg on a nail that was exposed, at which point she immediately died. Really? A nail in leg. And according to the story,

that lady's ghost was haunting their stairwell at night. The ghost would appear in the form of just a glowing impaled leg, and she'd curse any kids who came home late after a night of stealing around the city. Convenient. Yeah, very convenient. The whole thing. She'd curse any kids who came home late after a night of stealing around the city. Convenient. Yeah, very convenient.

The whole thing. His mom called the ghost La Gamba Diaro or the golden leg. Vincienzo referred to the impaled golden leg as the source of his nightmare throughout his childhood, so apparently it worked a little bit. And he actually developed a fear of darkness that would go on to affect his career as a thief, as an adult master thief. He only worked during daylight hours because of this trauma.

Wow. It's not a ghost, it's a major award. Yeah. So another result of the Golden Leg story was making Papino learn how to climb the side of their crumbly apartment building to avoid that haunted stairwell with the Golden Leg story was making Papino learn how to climb the side of their crumbly apartment building to avoid that haunted stairwell with the golden leg. Eventually he became an extremely skillful climber who learned to scale the crumbly brick facades all over Venice.

This became an important part of his skill set. Starting around age 15, he would climb the wall of a local movie theater and drop inside through a window up there, then he'd sneak through the building and prop open a back door where he set up a ticket booth of his own selling low-priced tickets to kids who couldn't afford the show at regular price. Nice. Jokes on him, all the real monies in the popcorn sales. Well, plus he had to compete with the Matt and A pricing because he couldn't work after

a dark. That's true. Maybe he was selling handfuls of sugar and A pricing because he couldn't work after dark. That's true. Maybe he was selling handfuls of sugar there. That could have been. There you go. Maybe it was saving it. So, Papino continued honing his skill as a thief, and he spent the next few decades establishing himself as one of the best of all time.

This includes a heist at the Swiss Consulate where he somehow talked himself inside and then walked away with the equivalent of about a quarter million dollars in cash. He also robbed the actor Carrie Grant, who famously played a master thief in the movie to catch a thief, by tailing Carrie Grant through Venice and just walking into his hotel room and taking all his stuff when Grant fell asleep. P, is also known for stealing a large sum of cash from the Venice Casino, and for freeing a gorilla from a zoo in Rome because he thought the gorilla looked sad. Huh, okay. I like that one. Keith, so far this is just a story of the one guy who figured out how far people will go not to interact with a push

to the Italian. Okay, no more shots. I see so when he's not here. It's not fair. Okay, I'm just saying, does this guy ever actually do any thieving or is he just gonna, you know, hand gestures way over to the Mona Lisa? Is that it? It's a cool thing. That's the evening.

Right, like I feel the security on a gorilla cage is generally like, what kind of fucking idiot would open this, right? It's not like he had a crack a safe. Yeah, he must have had to like park or away from a gorilla right after that. I don't know. That's hard. So, by the early 90s, Papino had a reputation with the Italian authorities as by far the

most talented thief in recent history. And he was best known for stealing from those art collections of Venetian nobleman. This often happened because Papino got hired by a different Venetian noblemen. This often happened because Papino got hired by a different Venetian noblemen to steal from rival rich people. And that was the job that Papino was working on in the spring of 1991. Count Borosi, one of the richest people in the country, had hired Papino to steal some art from Raul Gardini, one of the other richest people in the country and apparently arrival. Okay, I do get that.

I mean, honestly, if I could hire a guy to steal stuff as a prank war, I totally would do that. Really, what would you steal? One of Thomas Smith's kids. Oh, Jesus. What? No, no minor locked up, you know. Just saying, guerrilla easy.

I wish you'd stop describing grabbing your kids that way on the way. I wish they'd stop being that way. So this particular heist was relatively minor in Pappino's career, but the story gives us a useful glimpse into the racket he was running. In the middle of the day, with plenty of light, of course, Papino climbed up the wall of Gardini's palatial residence along the Grand Canal and found a window with an old wooden frame that was easy to pull open. Normally, Papino would be carrying a pigeon in his pocket for this moment, and he'd release the pigeon inside the target house to check for motion detectors.

I thought that was pretty cool strategy, but for this job, he knew he could just run away into a nearby crowd if an alarm went off, so he just went straight inside with no problems. A single tear runs down the pigeon's cheek. I thought we were a theme, Vigenzo. I thought we were brothers. The pigeon's dying here. Yeah, I just say like a pigeon is a great tool to settle a prank war, though. It really emphasizes the squabble. Oh, Jesus. Squab. Boosh.

It's possible. So, see someone have loved it. That's true. That's true. That's true. So the house was empty of people when he got inside and no alarms. So, Papino walked downstairs and opened the front door

for his accomplice. Side note on that, Papino didn't and opened the front door for his accomplice. Side note on that, Papino didn't like to work with a big team at most. He would have a trusted friend as a lookout. For this job, it was his friend Claudio. But apparently Claudio was hearing impaired. So, Papino opened the front door, but Claudio was looking the other direction

down the street doing lookout. So, Papino was like, hey, Claudio, Claudio, Claudio! Okay, but still no response. So, he had to just prop open the front door of the house they were robbing, walk down the street and brought daylight, grab his buddy by the arm, and be like, we're going inside to steal all the stuff. Oh, all right, master, like this is a foreseeable problem, no? Right? I love the thinking of Chenzone But this is not the ideal time for a D.I. Hire

I hear you the The Palazzo Gardini was full of expensive everything But Papino went straight for the master bedroom upstairs and Claudio immediately knew it was happening Papino went straight for the master bedroom upstairs, and Claudio immediately knew what was happening. Pino was looking for Kashmir. Apparently that's Pino's big weakness. He loves Kashmir. So he went through Gardini's wardrobe and found a blue Kashmir sweater that fit just right. And now it was time for the big ticket items. Pino looked over the art collection, and he actually decided it wasn't good enough to steal anything on this particular day.

He's a connoisseur. He'd tell Count Borosy, the guy who was paying him, to pick a better target, I guess. So instead of taking a painting, he took a wooden carved lion that was clearly an important family heirloom for this guy, Raul Gardini. After adding a few more things, the two of them left with almost half a million dollars worth of loot jumped into their boat waiting on the canal and rode away in the middle of a sunny Venice afternoon. In 1991. Correct. Well after the security camera and lock had been invented, everybody. Yep. I was trying to cram a pigeon into the keyhole to see

it check if it's locked. Why is it always pigeons with you, Vincent? So why is it always pigeons? Apparently Italy just wasn't trying to stop anything this whole time. I don't get a lot of the ease of all these thefts. It was so easy. I don't know.

I feel like we could maybe now, not so, I don't know. So this is where we meet Antonio Palmosi, the chief detective in the Special Investigations Unit of the Venice Police Department, and he's weirdly good friends with Papino at this point. Palmosi was, he was kind of both an adversary and a fan at the same time, and this fit right in with Papino's philosophy and the racket. Rich people like to show off their wealth, this is Papino's philosophy, and thieves like to steal stuff. Pretty simple philosophy.

And apparently the nobility of Venice actually considered it a badge of honor to have their art stolen by Papino. It was a sign of their good taste. So the racket was pretty simple. Papino would take something, and then Detective Palmoci would negotiate some kind of vague arrangement to get the valuables returned.

And this was a win-win, a triple win. The cops would look good for getting the stuff back. The rich people could brag about being robbed by a legendary thief with impeccable taste in art. And Papino would make some money. Before you know it, there's an app called iStealer where some 15-year-old kids taking your stuff for eight bucks an hour plus tips. So it capitalism ruins everything is all I'm saying. At eventually you cave, you have to buy the paid version because you're tired of

seeing all the iStealer ads. This is a weird thing I'm paying for. I should just get pigeons. We're going to call it lift, but apparently they're going to come up. So three days after the heist at Palazzo Gardini, detective Palmosi invited Papino to meet with him for a drink. And this was their normal routine. And this is the conversation they had that day according to Papino. After a few pleasantries, Palmosi said, so Papino, there was a heist at the Gardini place.

Papino, is that right? Palmosi. Yeah, somebody stole a wooden lion that's a family heirloom for that family. Maybe, maybe he heard something about that? Papino, I had not heard about that. That is terrible. But I will do whatever I can to help get it back. Simply as a proud citizen of Venice. I'm going to even ask for a single leera. And then, Papino, just like transition to the conversation,

you started talking about how hard it is to park your boat in the city. How you can find a spot on the side of the canal, but there's no awning and the boat gets all wet when it rains and that messes up your really nice shoes if you happen to have really nice shoes. And then Pupino added, hey, just one more thing, I'll propove nothing. The Gardini's, I noticed they have a really nice covered dock right near my house. There's even an empty birth. So yeah, anyway, I'll let you know if I hear anything about that lion.

And then a few days later, the Gardini family somehow got their lion back. And Pepino ended up getting a really nice covered parking spot for his boat right by his house. And that's how it went for years. Everything just kind of worked out for everyone. All right, well, while Heath adds the title of master burglar to his resume for the time he stole my penguin pants, we'll all take a big break for a little apropole of nothing. I released pigeons all over the place.

I know. Honey, I'm home! Luca, at last! I have a terrible news! Oh, what's that? Our boy, Vincienzo, he's been stealing! Stealing? Oh, I know! But don't you worry, I set him straight. Oh, yeah, how'd you do that? I told her him the house is haunted.

You, you what? I told her him that there used to be a lady who live in the house, and she fell down the stairs and died. Now her leg haunted a stairwell. What? What does this have to do with the stealing? Because he uses the stairs to sneak out and steal. If he's afraid of the stairs, he and no steal no more.

I see. Honey, did you even mention the stealing? Like that it's a wrong and stuff. No, just in a ghost. I see. Well, now that I'm home, I guess you I spent a some time in the bedroom, eh? Oh, I would love to Luca, but you know that little old lady who used to live in my vagina You know what it's a fine ghost the pussy

I did the hair gesture the entire sketch. I know it's the individual, but it came on. It helped. Music And we're back. When we left off, really wasn't ages specialist. What happened to you? It's so easy, I don't understand it. So, now it's time for the biggest and most dangerous heist of Papino's career. Two bags of sugar.

Yeah. You really pulled a muscle, yeah. No, one day in the summer of 1991, Papino took his boat from his beautiful new covered parking spot and wrote it over to the Martiana, a famous library that opened in 1560. He liked to read old manuscripts about Venetian nobles and their Palazos and the art they commissioned as a way to case joints for his eyes, I guess. But there was a mid-level Mafia guy waiting for him at the front door of the library, with a message from the big boss of the Mafia,

named Felice Maniero, who wanted a favor from Papino. Law enforcement had been cracking down, and Maniero couldn't seem to bribe the cops as effectively anymore, and he wanted to get his cousin released from jail, that guy was recently arrested. So he wanted to get his cousin released from jail that guy was recently arrested. So he decided to get some extra leverage by stealing some precious art and he wanted Pupino's advice about what paintings to steal and how to organize the heist. I feel like you don't need to send a thug to someone's favorite library for a consulting gig. Maybe just like hit him up through LinkedIn. Sure. Is it just me or is the path from I want to get my cousin out of jail to I'm

gonna hire a guy to steal some art not very clear? Is that what to teach an art stealing workshop? So when you're as plan was to have a team of guys run into a Venice Museum with guns and just raid the place, which is the opposite of Papino's philosophy. Also, that would ruin the delicate balance of Papino's racket by putting the whole city on high alert. On the other hand, you kind of have to do whatever the fuck the mafia boss tells you to do. So Papino came up with his own plan and he went to meet with one of Manero's top lieutenants to explain that plan.

They met in a cornfield to make sure nobody was listening and Pepino explained the idea. He would steal a really important painting on his own and then give it to Manero who could then negotiate with the authorities. The lieutenant finally agreed to the plan and he said, okay, so what are you going to steal? And Papino said, just read the paper, you'll find out. You know what, I'm just, I'm going to see what looks good when I get there. You know, I'm worried, I'll fill up on postcards if I don't. They get you on those point of sale things, yeah.

So on October 9th, 1991, Papino joined a tour group and went inside the DuCale, also known as the Doge Palace, which was built in 1340, and it was the home base of the Venetian Republic way back in the day. And now it's a museum full of important artwork. And an important cryptocurrency. Yeah. So during the tour, the group went across an enclosed bridge to an old prison building. This is called the Bridge of Size. I believe it was coined by Lord Byron.

And this is where criminals, way back in the day, would stop at the bridge's one little window and look at the outside world one last time and say alas and sigh and then go to jail. So once the tour group. Yeah isn't that weird? I feel like sighing is a weird focus for you. I have so many questions like what did a guy ever say no? What if you took too long? Sorry you were doing an essay. I'm sorry. Man just get your size out. Let's go. We're moving along here. Yeah. Ah! So once the tour group was in that prison area,

Papino let everyone get ahead of him by a little bit, and he ducked into one of the old prison cells and closed himself inside. And then he waited there in the dark. I presume terrified of the golden, impaled ghost leg that kept appearing in front of him until everybody was gone for the night except for a few guards. Ah, yeah, no, the old, they can't put me in prison if I put me there first gambit. I see.

Yeah. Very smooth. So, Papino waited in the cell and he timed out the rounds of the guards, which were about 45 minutes between each pass and then he went to work. At 2am, after a guard went by, he snuck back across that bridge of size to the Salad de Chensori, where they had the Madonna Colbembino, an extremely valuable painting that's considered a symbol of the Venetian Republic, like a huge deal if somebody steals it, he's going to steal it.

Papino started looking for a way to climb up on a ledge to get to the painting, but then he heard the footsteps of an extra guard coming from the prison area. So he snuck back to the bridge to hide, but that is a really bad spot to hide. The bridge is divided into two lanes, with a limestone wall down the middle, but the wall has big gaps and the guard could easily see through to the other side. So Papino just picked aside and pressed up against the wall and he got lucky. The guard came down the other side and walked right past him just inches away, didn't notice. So Papino went back to the prison cell to wait for the next 45 minute window with the golden ghost leg.

After the next guard went by, he found a custodial closet with a step ladder, went back to the painting and cut it out of the frame with a scalpel and escaped out a side door. Well, he outwitted Inspector Clousseau with the old hide like a six-year-old trick. These paintings deserved to be stolen. Yeah, no security. Like this is fucking pig panther level shit. He didn't even use a pigeon for this one. Yeah.

So the next day, Detective Palmosi showed up to investigate the crime scene. And immediately he was like, yeah, this obviously had to be Papino. There wasn't any obvious evidence, but Papino made one little slip-up. The frame of the painting had some dust that fell onto that step ladder, and Papino left a tread print. So by the next morning, the forensic team was able to identify the shoe and detective

Palmosi sent a team to arrest Papino and take all the shoes from his house to prove the match. rest Papino and take all the shoes from his house to prove the match. But then Palmozi looked at that morning's paper. The lead story was, of course, about the heist, and it said, investigators found as the only evidence the footprint of a Jim Shoe. Because some asshole at the museum had told a reporter about the footprint. And of course, Papino read the story that morning too, and immediately got rid of the shoes he was using. About 15 minutes later, after Pepino got rid of the shoes,

the police showed up at his front door, and he answered barefoot just to be a dick. That's great. Obviously. They didn't find the shoes they were looking for. So they just told him that Detective palmocy wanted to have another meeting But Pino said of course. Let me just put on a pair of shoes and He went down to the station. Oh, and and here's a pair of the garbage bin outside and would you look at that?

They're even in my size So this time the meeting wasn't a typical Lighthearted one with his detective buddy. Palmosi was yelling right away, and he immediately started threatening Papino with reopening old cases and putting 24-hour surveillance on him. Papino couldn't have any of that, and he promised to help get the painting back. He said, quote, I can give you my word, a thief's word that you'll recover the Madonna. You'll get it back in 20 days.

And somehow spoiler, the cops did end up getting it back within 20 days. I'm sorry. Their chief suspect said, I'm a thief and I know where the painting is. And the cops response was to be like, well, my hands are tied. I hope he keeps his promise. Well, it's like, guys there are a lot of rules about what the cops can't do to white people yeah okay so the rest of the story we only know from the account of papino himself and his own story has three different versions he

told one version to Palmozi, claiming he wasn't involved, and everything just happened to work itself out in 20 days, just like he predicted. Then he told a second version of the story in a book that he wrote in 2010, that seems to be aimed at Minero, the Mafia boss,

in order to avoid getting murdered. In that second version, Papino says that he set up the return of the painting ahead of time. He claimed that he made a deal with Manero's lieutenant, who would give the painting back in exactly 20 days. But that wouldn't give Manero time to negotiate with the cops, which was supposed to be the whole point, but it does put the blame on the lieutenant

for what happens next. We're about to get to it. That brings us to the third and final version that seems to be the most likely actual story. This is the version that Pepino told most recently from prison where he's probably gonna spend the rest of his life for drug trafficking, sadly. It's unrelated to any of the art theft,

but he's in prison for possibly life. I think I might know why he's seeing a ghost leg all the time. Right. That's all that mystery. So according to Pepito, he stole the painting, then gave it to Mignaro, but then he stole it back and handed it over to the cops. He explained the whole thing to a reporter, but he started the whole story by saying, quote, this is a hypothetical story.

None of what I'm about to say happened start story. So to be fair, Cecil insert that same disclaimer into most of Eli's citation needed episodes. Yeah, that's true. Again, also everyone knows they can't convict you if you say that or if you tell your story and then say, not at the end so like, you're all good. Yeah, I think I read that. wasn't a called if I did it.

Ghost story by OJ Simpson isn't that. So here's the hypothetical story that didn't happen, but probably a bunch of it happened. After getting yelled at by Detective Palmo, Cien, promising the painting would be back in 20 days, Papino went to visit Maniero at his mansion that is patrolled by Armdgard's 24-7. The windows are bulletproof and the mafia boss installed an extremely elaborate water filtration system to make sure nobody could poison him by getting to his water supply. Yeah, Britta Pitchers got it. Yeah, very possible. So Maniero greeted Papino at the door and they headed to a basement area that Papino describes as quote, a bachelor pad designed by a teenage

girl, which is, I don't know what that means. He didn't expand on that. So, Papino explained to Monero that the painting can't come back to the cops damaged or else they'll go back on whatever promises they make about like your cousin or surveillance. And Monero said, yeah, don't worry, it's in a shed behind my cousin's house totally safe. The painting's all good. So, Pupino knew exactly where to go to steal back the painting and then he went on with a little bit more small talk, so as not to be suspicious and then he went on with a little bit more small talk, so it's not to be suspicious and then he left. I just wanna throw out there that I too would be a master thief if everyone told me where the stolen stuff was and never paid attention

to anything I put in. Yes. Okay, it's definitely disagree with your overall point, Eli, but I've heard you try to be silent for five seconds of room noise, right? So I'm not, I'm not buying the whole, I could have laid down next to the partition while the guard walked by line from you. Solid refuted. Solid refuted. You feel like

climbing a step ladder would have worked for you. You would have been, you would have been scoured. I want to ask the guard to come hold it. Also, I only own one pair of shoes. Yeah. And they can hear the Velcro, the Velcro is very noisy with your stealing. Is this a Velcro? You're like a 32, right? Right. So the next day, Papino met with his friend called the professor, who does expert forgeries of paintings, and he commissioned the guy to make a mo replica of the Madonna.

And then he went to a veterinarian to get some animal tranquilizer. That'll make sense in a second. He knew that Maniero had guard dogs everywhere, probably at his cousin's house too, where the painting was being kept. So about a week later, Papino snuck onto the cousin's property late at night and found the shed. And he crept closer to check for guard dogs. And he found a guard tiger instead. Okay, how many pigeons did he use to check for the tiger?

That's it. So he sees the tiger and he's like, all right, whatever, I gotta keep going with this plan. He pulls a stake out of his bag that he had ready for a dog and he applied an extra big dose of tranquilizer just guessing at it for tigers and pushed it through the fence. The tiger ate it and after about 30 minutes the tiger went to sleep. So Patino went inside the shed and he spotted the painting. And then he heard some breathing and he looked up in the dark and saw two very large feline eyes Right in front of him. It was a second tiger because a fucking course. There were two guard tigers So he slowly pulled out another steak. He brought a spare steak

He brought at least two steaks according to this account Okay, and he pulled out some more of the tranquilizer and he got the second tiger sleep in a George Foreman grill. He's like, damn it. This animal tranquilizer was my head stash, but I'm The only thing that makes the golden leg go away So he gets the second tiger sleep too and then just as the first tiger was probably about to wake up He took that original Madonna replaced it with the forgery and he snuck away. He's far be it for me to ever say anyone's citation needed essay is it adding up the second guard tiger makes me

where are they from? Another tiger. Guard Tiger. Hey good news is the painting is now surrounded by a tiger's Bad news and now we have a bit of a tiger proud. Yeah At the very end of that account from jail, Papino added quote Yeah, but there weren't any tigers. I never stole the painting back. And that's the end of story. That being said, reporters were able to confirm with some locals in Manero's town that the mob boss did in fact own two tigers, Romeo and Juliet. And Manero was known

to hide stolen items in that shed behind his cousin's house. Well, yeah, listen, good stashing 101. you hide them in the place with the most guard tigers. That's not the way that's facing up. Is, is guard a necessary modifier for tigers? Just tigers that are like, go right in, sir. Yeah, probably not. Please proceed, Governor. No, but more importantly, on November 7, 1991, that painting somehow magically got returned,

and it was confirmed to be the real original. And Pepino was never put under surveillance, and he never got charged with anything related to art theft ever since. Okay, he, you're making the Italian police look incompetent and corrupt. Is this how they just like a love letter you're writing to Amanda Knox?

They see I don't what do they do there like there's no police it's so silly it's cartoon rhinos oh it's crazy I mean if you live in a 16th century boat park you don't have to take anything else in your life your city is sinking you're not gonna be like close let's take our police job super serious. Very chill, very lax. So here's the very last piece of the story. The police are about to have a press conference to announce the return of the painting triumphantly. And Papino shows up at the station that day to meet with Palmosi. They have a little banter and the

detective says, okay, but I'm still gonna catch you with my own hands. I'm gonna figure it out somehow. And then he shows Papino the gift that he got from the museum as a reward for helping make the recovery happen. It's a beautiful oversized book with a photo collection of all the masterpiece's inside the Doge Palace.

And then they head to the press conference. Palmo C proudly announces that the Madonna was found, all the investigators posed for a photo, and Palmo C heads back to his office. He's about to start working on a new case, and then he noticed that something was missing. The book from the museum was gone. The piano danced his way out of the station, mucking double birds right up there. His limp ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And are you ready for the quiz? Ready for the quiz. All right, Heath. What is the key takeaway for this essay? Hey, it's not what you know. It's who you know.

Be, especially if who you know are the cops. Yeah, it's C-O-A-N-B-B. Yeah, it tends to be. All right, Heath, Italy is apparently a children's book, so which of Papinos, whimsical adventures did you forget to tell us about? A, that time he started a babysitter's club. B, the time he defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort. Or C, the time he gave a mouse a cookie.

Okay, I probably did forget to tell you about the time he gave a mouse a cookie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha A tranquilize of the tiger Like that one Venetian deletion completion See little Saint Nick Taphobia that's fair fear of the dark or D Stop dragging my art around I really miss Cecil he's way better at this Okay, it's gotta be a tranquilizer. I'll take it. And he's a survivor. Or no, it's different, it's E, it's that I miss Cecil.

Oh. It was E, I was close. Well, Noah's the only one who tried to do the thing that we do for our jobs, so he wins. All right, I'll choose Tom for next week's essay. All right. Well, for Noah, Tom, next week's Sensei. Oh right. Well for Noah, Tom, Cecil, and Heath, Ami Libosnik, they can you for hanging out with us today? We'll be back next week, and by then, Tom will be an expert on something else.

But we now, and then you can listen to Heath know and myself over on God awful movies, The Skating Atheist, The Skeptocrat, and D&D Minus. You can listen to Tom and I dad it up over on our show, D-Roll Dance. You can hear Tom and Cecil cog the hell out of some dis over a cognitive dissonance, and I don't have a podcast with Cecil yet, but I assure you, I'm working on it. And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or leave us a five star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on

social media or check the show notes, be sure to check out CitationPod.com. And remember, if the punishment for a crime is a fine, that's not a punishment. It's a price. Hi, Frank. Yeah, it's Ethan, right? Yes, I know. I know. I know. Yeah, that's why I'm calling so I was wondering do you guys do singing Apologies because um, oh He did Yeah, okay. Well, there was some confusion and and then oh Oh, he did okay. Well, I'm really sorry to hear that is there a place I can send flowers for Tony's family, or like a funeral maybe? Tony Pieces?

Yeah, nope, I understand. Really sorry about that.