Citation Needed - Weird Cars

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

This is a list of automobiles known for negative reception. There are no objective quantifiable standards. Cars on this list may have been judged by poor critical reception, poor customer reception, safety defects, and/or poor workmanship. Different sources use a variety of criteria for including negative reception that includes the worst cars for the environment,[1] meeting criteria that includes the worst crash test scores, the lowest projected reliability, and the lowest projected residual values,[2] earning a "not acceptable" rating after thorough testing,[3] determining if a car has performed to expectations using owner satisfaction surveys whether they "would definitely buy the same car again if given the choice,"[4] as well as "lemon lists" of unreliable cars with bad service support,[5] and the opinionated writing with humorous tongue-in-cheek descriptions by "self pro-claimed voice of reason." Our theme song was written and performed by Anna Bosnick. If you’d like to support the show on a per episode basis, you can find our Patreon page here.  Be sure to check our website for more details.

Where? Where are we? Damn it Eli, did you kidnap us again? As our lawyer explained very clearly last time, you can't call it kidnapping if you don't press charges. Nope, nope, super duper not, what's that? Yes, I figured, what better way for us to start out Cecil's episode on eccentric bars than with a little road trip of our own? Great, so what are we writing? And some propeller contraption?

Or one of those ones with a jet engine? Is it that super-duper limousine? No. No, I could not get any of those. It is a Ford Intel. But the guy at the dealership told me they're super rare. Now, let me just back out of here. Eli, Eli! No! We made it. Freelinks? Without dying in an opening, sketch was in three.

Yeah, yeah. Here, I'm willing to meet you right now. The halo and stuff. I don't know, I assume so, yeah. Nice. Then we did it. Classic. soon show you a nice, very dense classic. Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose to subject me to single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. I'm no illusions and I'll be in the driver's seat this week, but how would I know when

to tell people if we were there yet without a few passengers? Now, unfortunately, Tom had a flat, couldn't make it today, but luckily Cecil's a man who always carries a spare tire with him. I've been carrying that spare for years, Noah for years. Jesus Christ. It comes in handy. And also joining us tonight and this panel about cars is a man who doesn't think periodic. He catches on fire as a legitimate reason to otherwise discard a perfectly good car. And it's a board of state. Yellow and the guy who thinks the yellow line on the road is in case giants have real big scissors, Heath and Ela. Keith's car has caught fire with me in it. That's how confident it catches.

We don't find cars. Me too. We have separate incidents. We were on fire for like eight, nine blocks. We put it out. We're fine fire for like eight, nine blocks. We put it out. We're fine. Relax. Perfectly good car.

Now, before we get started with the subject itself, let's acknowledge that this show is really about our patrons. Patrons, you drive us to distraction. And if you do want to drive us to distraction, be sure to stick around to the end of the show to find out how and with that out of the way, tell us, see, so what person plays think concept phenomenon or event? What would we be talking about today? We're gonna be talking about weird cars. All right, so why are we talking about weird cars? Great question. So I wanted to do a fun essay about weird vehicles and I was playing on doing water and air

and land craft, but then I started looking at weird cars and they kind of stole the show. People throughout the history of the car have created some bizarre and ugly vehicles and we are just the people to spend a half an hour on it. Hell, we could have spent half an hour on just the car's heat as own. Listen, the Vava 240 of 1984 is a work of art. What, but if you use was all one color, maybe.

That one was my 1990 Vava was not. Oh, okay. Okay. Let's start with cars where people kind of went crazy with the wheels. Milton Reeves, when he was 15, was working at a sawmill. And the kids operating the sawmill, because we were once a child labor hellscape,

were having a bitch of a time with the motorized pulleys. They went one speed and I guess that means fast because he decided to invent a variable speed transmission so the operators could control how fast or slow the pulleys went. Fast forward a few years and the automobile starting to take off and he decides to use his variable speed transmission on his new invention, the motorcycle. No, it does not look like the modern motorcycle.

It kind of looks like a wheeled bulldozer if you replace the bucket for a stage coast front seat. It looks off. It looks off. It looks off. It looks off. It looks off. It looks off. It looks off. It looks off. It looks off. the vehicle had four wheels and Reeves really had a thing, four wheels. Yeah, I feel like anybody who grew up in the days of

tween mill operators was probably obsessed with all the things that give getting the fuck out of here mechanical advantage. His next vehicle was called the Octo Auto. He took a 1910 overland, which is a pretty common looking car from that period, and he added four more wheels, two in the front, two in the back. And the cars overall length was over 20 feet. Jesus. It actually was pretty great innovation since the roads in 1911 were horrible to drive in a car at the time. The cars at that time had really bad suspension, but this eight-wheeled car, I guess, handled the poorly maintained roads pretty well.

But all that innovation comes at a cost. The Overland Reaves Octo Auto was $3,200, which would be like $90,000 to $100,000 today. Needless to say, they did not make many of these. Okay, but it looks amazing. It looks like an old-timey roadster saw a really sexy lady car putting on lipstick and was like, oh, guy, double size. Totally nuts. While we're on the subject of more wheels and longer cars, let's take a look at the 1968 Oldsmobile Quality Coach Jetway 707. This was the ultimate grocery getter. It was a 28-foot-long six-wheeled station wagon. It had nine doors, four on each

side and one in the back. It sat 12 to 15 people. It had six windows on each side. It had a raised roof that housed a sunroof and 12 integral sunlight windows that lined the top of the vinyl wagon section. It had a roof rack for luggage that looks like the WWE ring. Sadly, only 50 to 150 of these were made reports vary. The cars were made to get people to and from the airport in the late 60s and 70s when you took 14 steamer chunks and that was included in the fair. I guess they rusted pretty badly and there weren't enough duggers to keep this model in production. Slap in the top of the dealership. you can fit so many neglected children in this bad boy, let me tell you.

But if you're on the turnbuckle. Yeah, right. Fine. Now, and, and, and listeners to visualize this, imagine if you could somehow denude a limousine of any hint of luxury. Right? Or like imagine, so we try to make a station wagon

centipede or something It's asthmouth all the way down. I guess absolutely. It's got to really be a zaki first draft feel about it Okay, so we did more wheels a big deal every roll and call f950 with child bearing hips has extra wheels So what what about fewer than four wheels? So here are a few three-wheeled wonders that have graced our roadways. Let's start with the one with the most backstory. The 1933 Dymaxion invented by Buckminster Fuller.

He was an architect, a designer, inventor, philosopher, and a futurist. Designer spilled into many fields and for our purposes, car design. Now the book, myster, could probably be his own essay. He's a shirt. Yes, he really is. He really is. Someone should do this.

It's kind of awesome. One part of the Wikipedia talks about his depression during the Great Depression and after going on a three day drinking binge and contemplating suicide for the life insurance, he quote, felt as though he was suspended several feet above the ground and closed in a white sphere of light. A voice spoke directly to Fuller and declared, from now on, you need never await temporal attestation to your thought. You think the truth.

You do not have the right to eliminate yourself. You do not belong to you. You belong to the universe. Your significance will remain forever obscure to you. But you may assume that you are fulfilling your role if you apply yourself to converting your experiences to the highest advantage of others." God. your experiences to the highest advantage of others. End quote. God.

Anybody else just get the feeling like they're three day binge voice in their head is under a cheever. Hell yeah. My God. It's just like Taco Bell. Right. You want Taco Bell.

And I like, I didn't get the voice of God. It was like, need never, oh wait, 10 point. He's like, I don't get you lost me what God why does God write like high to go what is happening? He then said about to try to better You know that's right

You know that tracks. That's fucking not a lot of these. I mean, if you look at the whole Noah thing, he wiped out a lot of juice in that story. He really did a lot. How many amalachites, you know, allegedly Noah, obviously. He then said about trying to better all humanity. Seriously, that's what he got out of the white ball, better humanity. Yeah. And now his geodesic dome idea is bettering humanity at a pot center,

famously. One fucking sticky kid meltdown and messy public verified at a time. That's such a... One of these ways was to make a three-wheeled car that looks like a Zeppelin undercarriage. Its name was a portmanteau, Dimaxion, which is three words, dynamic, maximum, and tension smashed together at random. By the way, he invented a Dimaxion house, which looks like a metal yurt, a Dimaxion map, which turns the globe into a 20-sided die so we can all fail our saving throw together

and a Dimaxian sleep schedule, which is 30-minute nap every six hours. Okay. He just really tried to smoosh it in with the sleep thing. Like he clearly tried to sleep inside a, I don't know, like a giant golf ball made of metal triangles and he got like two hours to sleep because that sucks. And he was like, Dimaxian, shut up, this counts. This is a calculated, yeah, it's my thing. You guys imagine anyone being dumb enough

to fall for that sleep schedule? Idiots. You were saying Cecil, you should move on with your story about the people. Did you seriously tell that? Did you really tell that? I tried that while we were colleagues. See, while we worked together.

I thought you were doing divinches. Because that sounds smarter. It's snowed about that. really tried it. I tried that while we were colleagues, he, while we worked together, I thought you were doing Da Vinci's because that sounds smarter. It's not about that. I had to, I had to talk him out of that actually. Yeah. Yeah. I owned a third of your company when I tried that. Right. Jesus man. Now you have a child. So you're back on it, right? Rick, so the other option would have been that I gave you a third of our company after you did it. I think this way. You guys need a better, that's true. That's better.

Better business agreement between you guys, I think. Very much need to rewrite this. All right, you sound like he that everyone is. All right, let's talk about the car. It's a tube shape that gets smaller as you near the rear of the vehicle. It has two wheels in front and one in the back. And the one in the rear steers the thing. The rear wheel makes it pretty maneuverable,

and it has a great turning radius and allows it to parallel park really well. It kind of looks like a camper but less functional. I guess only three were made, so so much for changing the course of humanity. Maybe in some parallel universe, we're all doing tight spinzies and this don't be looking thing. Gets to heaven, the light orb of the universe is like, I'm sorry, three cars. You mean three cars.

We should have dumbed down that language. But seriously, look this thing up. It is the most amazing thing to ever exist. And I'm very pissed that I can't have one. I love this motherfucker. Okay, another three-wheeled car is the 1953 ISO Asetta, made by Italian refrigerator manufacturer ISO. Oh, who in?

It was in the field. It's an tiny little thing that looked like you could hug it and your hands could meet on the other side. It's ported two wheels in the front and one of the rear had a 9.5 horsepower engine and 58 miles per gallon highway, presuming you could get it up to 55 miles an hour, which you couldn't because its top speed was 47 miles an hour. It went from zero to 31 miles an hour in 30 seconds. That's about a mile per hour for zero to 31 miles an hour in 30 seconds. That's about a mile per hour for zero to 31.

It's their measure, isn't it? Mm-hmm. I know who's in the 30, not a person. You were like, no, but from 30, 31, it's so fucking fast. You wouldn't believe it. It's like 30 seconds. That's it.

So I mean, you can pedal your bike fast. Right. You're kidding me. Don't drive a motorcycle. So this thing was seven and a half feet long and about four-ish feet wide. The best feature was that there was only one door and it was the entire front of the car. Later, BMW would start producing these and the car got 78 miles per gallon, and in some models, they had an extra wheel

on the rear axle. Yeah, it looks like just a shell and then wheels under it. It looks like a Koopa Troopa was a car. Like if I jumped on this thing, I feel like the driver would pop out and then like walk away all slowly. I could, I could get the chance. He had him and kill him.

He jumped out of he pops out, he starts walking faster than the car. What the fuck? Another three wheeled micro car is the bond bug. From every picture I've seen, this car only came in dukes a hazard orange. I did see a green one, but it looked aftermarket. It was okay, I feel like the only product only comes

in orange ever worked for was oranges, right? Yeah, I feel like that too. This car had two wheels in the rear and one in the front. So it handled like one of those next snappy motorized tricycles that were popular in the late 80s before the class action lawsuits. The bond bug was nine feet long and four and a half feet wide. This little guy could get up to 76 miles an hour,

which probably feels like you are breaking the sound barrier in this shit box. Since it was so tiny, it also needed a way to get in. So you basically tilted the entire body of the car forward and got in that one. As G-boot, you're just like pulling the we'll have on the back of the car. The car.

Right. It's so true. As tiny as the car was, it wasn't there cheap. So nobody bought it. I guess the land speeder from the original Star Wars is built on the chassis of one and they hid the wheels with mirrors. But I do want to point out that has a citation needed tech. Damn sure, does so well, I heatedly explained to Cecil that they actually just smeared gasoline on the lens

and shot from an angle where you can't see the wheels. We're gonna pause for a quick break. And a little outpropo of nothing. Alright gentlemen, I'm proud to call together the first meeting of the automobile makers of America. Now, as you know, cars right now are basically open hand grenades that explode if they go too fast or too slow or over a road that's too bumpy. So let's hear what you got. What do you got? Ooh, I got one. I'm me. I'll be.

Jensen, Jensen, Jensen, go. Now have we settled on four wheels? Because, because hear me out, what if we did three? Do three wheels make the car more stable? No. Faster or easier to drive? Nope, nope, neither of those. Right, so... Egg.

Smith, you had something to say? Egg is my idea. See, yeah, I feel like cars right now aren't egg-shaped enough. Have we considered an egg-shaped? Okay, but why are we considering an egg- Small! Seriously? I want it to be small, free-wheeled egg. Yes, yes.

Perfect. Yeah, no, that would be amazing. Okay. So, the plan for the next couple of years is to make a bunch of small, three-wheeled egg-shaped cars. And if people hate them, what? If people hate them, we go back to four wheels again. Alright, square one. I bet it could be.

That's what you guys want. And it would told me not to kill myself. We know, man. We know. And we're back when we last left off. Cecil was permanently establishing himself as the resident expert in looking weird. So Cecil, what's up next on your list? Okay, since you asked, what about just weird looking cars? How about the two versions of the Fiat Multiplot? Let's start with the 1956 version.

This car looks like it's backwards. It does. The front is stumpy, the back slopes down, all the doors hinge at the center of the car. So the doors in the front essentially open backwards and the doors in the back open like a pair normally would, which makes the odd little thing look like a dragonfly and the engine is in the rear. So they shove the driver in passenger seat all the way forward, which looks like a terrible safety hazard.

It also lists this car as having a third row seat option and I have no idea how that can be possible looking at it. This 11 foot long minivan could reach speeds of 57 miles an hour. The Viat multiple looks like Viat was allowed to copy off of someone's homework, but they changed it way too much so they wouldn't get caught and ended up getting a zero anyway. Or they just copied the dude's homework, but it was in a mirror, right? Like, the 1999 Fiat Multiplough is just so weird looking. It can seriously look like through 99. Through 99, and the only list two in the article that I saw, but I imagine they're probably

all very weird looking. This one seriously looks like two halves of a car, the top and the bottom, that only kind of partway fit together, like a Lego set you didn't have instructions for and you just won it. It's a smallish lower half with a bulbous upper half that helped coin its nickname the muffin top.

It came in at number two on a list of ugliest hundred cars ever made with this quote. Quote derided for the blandness of its output during the 1980s and early 1990s. Fiat dared to start thinking out of the box. In this case, however, it simply added wheels to the box. Another list where it received the top ugliest car had this to say quote, the tragedy of the multiple is that it's elephant man asked exterior enclosed a genuine clever and spacious interior and it wasn't bad to drive. It's a shame then that you rather walk than be seen.

It's really, really silly looking. It looks like the Autobot that never got any playing time from up to time. You know, like every time it transforms, it's got like a random leg sticking out sideways that doesn't make any sense. It's a van with a goiter. It's just never helpful.

It's just like... It looks like... It's like... When AI tries to draw a face the car. Right. Yes. It really does. It looks like an auto bot from like the SpongeBob universe.

Like it very much looks, it's crazy looking. The AMC Gremlin is another car that looks like two that are glued together. In this case, the Gremlin has a long sedan like front in a very short, subcompact wagon hatchback at the back end. It was a terrible car to drive for this reason. The back end had no weight and was short and the front end had a heavy engine so it handled and rode poorly. The Gremlin has experienced a renaissance of sorts with online car hipsters. They only listen to the Gremlin's first album and they say totally slaps.

But really, it's a weird little shipbox car that is only remembered because it was unusual. If true story, after I read this sentence, I went back and shamefully deleted my earlier interjections about how I listened to the Gremlins first album and it totally slaps. The AMC Eagle cam back is basically the same car, but instead of an AMC Hornet front end, they just decided to add a Jeep undercarriage so you could take your Gremlin off-road.

It's seriously just a Gremlin with bigger tires and a lift kit. Who are these people who are off-roading? Who have you ever needed to do that? Do you not believe off-roader exists? Is that what you're saying? There's like six or seven. They don't need a Gremlin. They don't need a Gremlin. No. Another popular trend was to glue two types of vehicles together. So like a pickup on a sports car. Hello, El Camino. We all know what an El Camino looks like. It has been referred to as the Mullet of Cars. It's got a front end of a sedan.

Perfect. And a pickup truck back end. The car was introduced in the 50s, but sales sucked, so they cut production. But a whole slew of people needed to both haul, gravel somewhere and do it in style. So they started production again. It had two seats and a huge trunk with no tops. All your shit could just fly right out the back.

And the car did come with an upgraded 454 engine. So my good friend from high school's El Camino totally warranted those flames that were painted on the side. Painting flames on the side of your car is practice for dying in a fiery crash. See, so you wouldn't get it. I think I should have you flames on my shitty. Yeah, you don't know. It's already on fire. Yeah, all right.

Yeah, so it's better. You're saying it's better. Yeah, you're winning. We're saying it's better than Cecil's friends high school El Camemy now. Yeah. That's right. It is. Thank you, Noah. All right. Another similar style, but much more bizarre looking model is the Subaru Brat. This had all the same looks to the alchemy, but was a smaller sort of boxier front and a shorter back end. This car was for real drive and had an option called a jump seat. This option had seats that sat looking out the back in the cargo bed. What? And these seats had little oh shit handle bar grips on the front side. So you could hold onto something

as the car flipped and snapped your neck. Oh, these aren't doing shit. I'm dead. Yeah, that's nothing. But I feel like you're being a little bit juggie because I mean, that car, that's the sensible option for like the family man doing errands in a post-apocalyptic hellscape, right? Like, sure. We got two dedicated spots for henchmen with guitars, the sheep names for no reason. I feel like a lot of people would love the brat. I feel like that's for no reason. I feel like a lot of people would love the brat. I feel like I'm going to get this for some people. These little seats were added not for convenience

or for thrill seekers, but instead to dodge taxes. I guess the tariffs on passenger cars were less than it was on trucks. So they put the seats in the back to save money. Hey, man, is the back of your car a roller coaster seat? Yeah, but I saved like $40 on taxes and the total win trust me. And the risk is the strongest part of the human body. So safe. I don't think that's correct. And in bros, this car losing somebody saw an El Camino and said, okay, but that's a look, that's too sexy, though, right?

That's a little too much because we want to give the ladies a chance. Can we make a car that when it's done being a car is one of those sling shot rides that they probably shouldn't have the county fair? Absolutely. And also we're going to put like four ribbed dildos in the hand areas. Yeah, perfect. You guys are given the drivers of the Brat way too much credit. There's no way they had an extra friend that was going to go in back.

There's no way absolutely no way. Ribbed for your pleasure. So many babes are going to love it back there. The Pontiac Aztec was so ugly, they had to give one to Walter White and Breaking Bad to emphasize how much of a loser he was. It's a crossover, something between a SUV and a sedan. And something.

Yeah, and something. I don't know. The back window on this thing was so slow and unusable. They had to make part of the trunk transparent so you could drive it. The front end. You have all the angles available for you. And you can come. Really do it. The front end had quote,

a gratuitous fierce animalistic snout, in which may have been what prompted incoming GM and executive Bob Lutz to famously say that many of the company's products look like angry kitchen appliances and quote, and someone else claimed somebody else claim quote, the Aztec looks deformed and scary, something that dogs bark at and can get the jewels employed to ring bells and. Oh Jesus Christ.

Oh Jesus Christ. Hey Brian Quick thing, we're wondering if you can incorporate less incredibly specific problem. Like rapper. if you can incorporate less incredibly specific problem. I'm like, I'm just, okay, just a little gamble right here. You spent four pages talking about how the Ford Fiesta was just like, shylock the Jew. Is that, you're fired.

She's fired. She's fired. It's shaking green though. Amazing. It's a really problematic play. So we covered off-road off brand, off putting. How about off land? The 1961 Amphacar, or amphibious vehicle

that looks like a normal ish 1960s car on the top half, but was a boat with wheels on the bottom half. It was able to drive into the water from a boat launch and then float. And then it would switch to two engine powered rear propellers. It was a convertible because who the fuck wants a roof in the way if you're gonna start to sing. My favorite quote from one owner is quote,

it's not a good car and it's not a good boat, but it does justify and quote, the car had in your face. I'm excited. The car had a top speed of about six knots or seven miles per hour in the water, which is like a slow-ish trolling motor and the ampacar canewer. Yeah, yeah, right. You can't kayak that. Yeah. it took the ampakar 40 seconds to get to 60 miles an hour on the highway. And it was top speed was 70 miles an hour. Okay, but how long did you get to 61 CC? Probably like a tiny amount in addition. This last thing

where it goes from for a take 40 seconds to get to 60 miles an hour, prompted another owner to say, quote, we like to think of it as the fastest car in the water and the fastest boat on the road. And, quote, that's, that's such a good spin right now. The car also used its front wheels to steer on the land and they doubled as the rudder in the water. So I guess what's not terribly moonover on either. Okay, I gotta be honest, I fucking want one of these. Seriously. And based on everything I learned from my childhood, I would foil a good deal of bad guys

during amphibious chasing series. No, that's right. Totally would. That's right. Totally would. There's also been a lot of sort of flying cars throughout history, but this next one doesn't fly. It does however borrow heavily from the aviation world. It's the 1922

Lyat Helica and it has a huge propeller on the front of the car as the source of locomotion. It seriously looks like a plane Sands the wings like a sasana. It has Let's get some planes stuff in there, but And that's not what people want, right? The propellants. That's sexy. Yeah. It also has chicken wire covering the propeller in the front, so no one loses an arm if

they get too close. And I guess the car itself was quite fast with the time going 100 miles an hour, over 100 miles an hour at the time, but the car was basically a fan boat on the road and super impractical so they never made more than 30 of these. Yeah. My favorite thing about this one is that the picture Wikipedia has, there's a woman standing in the back with a very clear, I'm not getting in that fucking thing. Look on the face.

It's, um, absolutely not. Now, and listen, if you're thinking, well, wow, how do they get a big ass propeller that's caged off with its casing and everything in front of the car without completely obscuring the driver's view of the road? I was thinking let me assure you that they didn't. It's not at all. It's just everybody's driving. It's like Eli in the helica. They timed the windshield wipers so they shoot the fluid right through the propeller. Exactly.

Yeah. So propeller's not your thing. I get it, guys. How about upgrading to a turbine engine? The 1963 Chrysler turbine was one such car. What? Now, this is one of the cars on the list that I think is totally dope. The entire car had a turbine style. It's cool. It's an console. No, it's what is round and looks like a way. Are you? Are you? Are you a dissenting voice here? He lies. I'm definitely a dissenting voice.

It's a. You're the worst. You're the worst. You don't understand style. Have you ever fucking seen Eli dress? I mean, come on. The rest of Eli's lines are just gonna be duh, it's diesel. The head is a pig. Okay, so seriously, oh, the center console is round and it looks like a turbine. The headlights and rear lights look like a turbine. They went all in on this.

I guess the turbine design would have needed less maintenance, lasted longer and could operate on multiple different fuels from peanut oil to diesel to kerosene to regular gas. That's great. The turbine got around 20 miles to the gallon, not great. It could start easier in cold temperatures. The motor, I guess, was pretty unresponsive

and it took a while to get the torque it needed to actually move, and it was expensive. Way too expensive to produce, even though the car got a lot of funding and R&D to get it off the ground. Oh, I'm sorry. You're telling me that giving everyone their own private jet engine wasn't visibly responsible in the way that automotive's were're looking for the hell you say. Okay, how about cars shape like food?

What about car shape like food? Thank you, Cecil. What about cars shape like food? What do you know about that? How about the Oscar-Mire Weiner mobile? Fuck yes. This have like 30 of these and they have been produced since 1935 with the most recent rolling out of a custom shop in 2008.

The car looks like a giant hot dog on a bun colored platform. So like the bun from burger time. Thank you Cecil for using so you universally relatable comparison. Thank you. The car Cecil, you thought people wouldn't grasp hot dog bun, but they wouldn't grasp burger time. Are we just doing notes on here now? You guys are doing it.

No, it's fine. No, I mean, because if we are, I mean, I have a lot to say. So I don't have you want to open the floor. You like just said, I don't know why. I just had a nowhere to say. It's fine. Tom just drops out of episodes with 14 seconds. There it is.

All right. The girls got episodes with 14 seconds. Third. Girl's Godwild up in the air. Okay. Okay. The car is almost 30 feet long and it looks kind of like a hot dog shaped bus. The driver has a special name. It's OSCA. Oh, okay, forget it. I'm just kidding.

They are, here's a, it's for serious now. They're called hot doggers and their job is to meet and I'm just kidding. They are, it is for serious now, they're called hot doggers. And their job is to meet, and I'm right, I understand spelling it out. And greet people all around the country. Their duties include quote, sharing photos and videos on social media, answering questions about the brand and the vehicle. Most frequently asked question is, is there a bathroom in the back to which they respond no, it's a weeny, be and distributing swag and quote. Okay cool yeah for all those moments when you're like

I can really use a tube of baloney right now but which one do I want who's putting in the right yes for my question about the brand Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy,

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy,

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, and was attempting to turn around on a residential driveway. The driver accidentally accelerated forward while thinking the vehicle was in reverse, which lodged the Wienermobile under a house and discharged it to deck. Now that's about the great side with the insurance claim starts with the words, hear me out. Okay, but I do wish other food products would get on board with this strategy, right?

Like, look, honey, it's the Oreo helicopter. Let's go get a t-shirt, huh? We're gonna t-shirt. If the awesome if the tow truck driver goes to pull it out and he's shooting K.Y. Jelly on it, just to get it so it's moved out to get out of the car for this thing. Not what I mean. Really destroyed this dick. Let me tell you, let's end.

Would it happen if it was a Dutch house? Really destroyed this dick. Let me tell you. Let's end. What happened if it was a Dutch house? Let's end with some ridiculous trucks. First up is the Carlman King, the most expensive SUV in the world. King runs you a baseline of $1.85 million. And Carl itself is... Everybody who ever has to get out of here. It's so ugly and stupid.

The car itself is flat black and looks like it has stealth technology. It's not fast. Tops out at under 90 miles an hour. Does have a retractable TV, a fridge, an ambient lighting, pop up tables, a coffee machine. You can get the king with ballistic armor if you want. And I guess the starting price, with the starting price, the company's open to customization. Spilt on a Ford F550 chassis. And the interior looks like someone

to refer a wrist, a carnival cruise ship with the casino carpet. Takes, seriously, I'm not even kidding. It looks like carpet you would put in somewhere where you expect a lot of spills. It takes 50 a month. Coffee machine in that place. Ha, it was a Starbucks every block. It takes 15 months. Coffee machine in that. Yeah. Ha!

It was a star-muck every block. It takes 15 months to get one after you order it. And according to the article I read, they have a back order of 20 for North America. Jesus. Ah, yes. Proof that rich people will do literally anything with their money except out the poll.

Yeah, it looks 32-bit. The fuck it? Yes, I. Yeah. Speaking of an overpriced bullet proof car, let's talk about the Tesla cyber truck. Yeah. The car design deep in the heart of the Tron universe. Oh, yeah. No, that one looks eight bit. Yeah. Whoa. The vehicle itself has been delayed several times, but Elon Musk promised in 2022 that it would be out in 23 and he never breaks his promises. There have been a lot of electric cars and trucks on the market to compete with, and there

are Ford models, a Hummer and a startup company called Rivian, but I ask you, do any of these have the cringiest of all time auto launch moments when Elon Musk boasts about an unbreakable window and then he's co-in us. He breaks the window with so little out. He sneezed on it. Yeah. It's so breakable. Now try to break this one.

I break it. It's so amazing. He's using like a small shot put tight ball that's like a metal ball. And he's like, go ahead and throw it at it. And he throws it at it like expecting it to bounce off the way. He breaks the window. He breaks it with a cool. It's so bad.

It's so bad. And then he breaks the back one after being goaded to do it for musk in the back. Dude, it's so amazing. It's so good. The Tesla truck. So the fanboys in the room are still like, we don't be. Yeah, exactly. The Tesla truck looks stupid, but you might get a good deal on one as Musk tanks Tesla with his Twitter antics. There you go. So if you invest in what you

learn to one sentence, what would it be? Somebody really needs to do an essay on Buckminster Fuller. I'm not kidding. He's amazing. He's amazing. That's a good point. All right, so are you ready for the quiz? I am ready to sign and drive, let's do this. All right, Cecil, which branded promotional vehicle was even worse than the Oscar-Mire Weiner mobile. Hey, the Jack in the Boxster, the, the Tricks of Her kids on mark. What is

happened? See the you haul look cost. Oh shit. Why is the last one just a long beep? Why is it? Thank that. I don't get it. It was seed. It was seed. The next forever. Alright, Cecil, we've learned about some cool car features today. But what's one that every vehicle needs? A, a function that if you leave your blinker on for no reason, your car explodes, killing you and everyone inside.

B, a head vice to force men over the age of 40. Use their fucking backup camera. No, you can't see better twisting your body. You're fucking back up. You can't. You can't. You're fucking back up camera. Get out of here or see a function that tells you if a light is stop yellow or you can probably.

I reject the premise on B because they're all probably make it yellow. I'm sorry. Oh correct. Correct. All lights are you can probably make it. Yeah. Okay. Even the thing that is incorrect. So he wins anyway. I run the most. Oh, I totally didn't see her thing. I'm sorry. I didn't read forward enough. I ruined your joke Eli. It was the one joke that you said that wasn't The whole episode so hey Cecilia you attended the podcast Everybody is so lost right now. They have no idea what's happening.

Who's next? It's me. Tom. No, Noah. No, you got it, Evacul. You just kidding people. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Well, put Eli Tom Cecil in. He thought I'm Noah, thank you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week and by then I'll be an expert on something else between now and then be sure to check out more from Tom and seasonal on cognitive Disnance Eli and Tom on dear old dads Eli heathen me on skating a the escuttle from movies the skeptic And D minus it's seasonal on the YouTube show season liberally Jesus The CEO's section is gonna have to have its own podcast eventually

Season liberally's been looking great It's a lot of fun to make anyway if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can go to the PerpetualDone Nation at patreon.com, so I'll sitateonpod, or leave us a five-star review everywhere you can. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media or check the show notes.

Be sure to check out citationpod.com. Okay, so it's decided. We make a rocket car, a car with a tractor seat and the back, a car boat, but we don't tell anyone what gear B stands for. I feel like I've disappointed the orb. You're probably our man, you're probably our. You probably are.