Citizens of the World: A Stoic Podcast for Curious Travelers - How to Enjoy More Euphoric Days & Make Better Decisions by Listening to the Wisdom of Your Body

Episode Date: April 16, 2021

A few months ago, I downloaded the Waking Up meditation app. Founder Sam Harris compares the average mind with a sky clouded with light pollution. He says that meditation is like building a telescope that can cut through that fogginess so you can access “the sky of the mind.” And that’s what the Enneagram and Stoicism help us do, as well. Cut through the clouds to get more clarity and set us free from our patterns.But we can’t change who we are by simply thinking about it, or passively reading a book on getting over anxiety or silencing your inner critic, or whatever patterns you’re stuck in. You have to involve both the body and the mind to create new neural pathways and if you want to make change stick. Learn how in today's episode :)Hello! I'm your host, Sarah Mikutel. But the real question is, who are you? Where are you now and where do you want to be? Can I help you get there?Visit sarahmikutel.com to learn how we can work together to help you achieve more peace, happiness, and positive transformation in your life.Book your Enneagram typing session by going to sarahmikutel.com/typingsessionWant to connect on Insta? Find me hereDo you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

Welcome to Live Without Borders, a travel and wellness show for expats, the expat curious, and globally minded citizens of the world. We are the travelers, the culturally curious, the experiences and not things kind of people. And we know that freedom is about more than getting on a plane. It's about becoming the most heroic versions of ourselves, which is why on this podcast you will hear insider travel secrets, inspiring expat stories, and advice on how to live abroad. but you will also hear episodes that will help give you the clarity, focus, and skills you need to create a life that will set your soul on fire. I am your host, Sarah Micatel, a certified clarity coach trained in the Enneagram, and I first moved abroad on my own at age 18, and I have been permanently enjoying life in Europe since 2010. If you are ready to make some big moves in your life

and want my help moving from someday to seize the day, visit live without borderspodcast.com. One morning this week I was walking along the beach in Fokston and the intense sun was just flushing my cheeks rosy red as red as my coat and I was feeling euphoric. My body feels great. I've taken a break from caffeine and dairy and flour and alcohol. I know so boring, but I feel amazing. And I've been getting plenty of rest and I've cut out a lot of media distractions. And the last time that I felt this bliss out, I was walking through Rome's Montenabelle. with a friend of mine. And we were just totally present in the moment. So she was Italian, but had never been to Rome. And I was just there for a few days on vacation. And we were just in the moment. Some biscotti here, cappuccino there, a glass of wine, some pizza strolling by the Coliseum. I mean, you can't go wrong with good food, right? And Roman ruins. This was a few years ago, but I remember that euphoric feeling that I experienced again this week. And I want more of it for me and also for you. And that's what I want to talk to you about today. How can we cultivate our

inner wisdom so we can have more days like this? So what do those two experiences have in common? In one, so this week in Fokston, I was practicing self-control as part of a detox here at home and then a few years ago in Rome, I was indulging in an Italian holiday. Both times the sun bathed me in warmth, which of course helps things. But what really ties these two experiences together is this deep feeling like this is where I'm meant to be right now. There was rest and no resistance, no to-do list, no what-ifs or doubts, no stuckness. Maybe you've experienced. Maybe you've experienced. this yourself, I certainly hope so, those glimmers of freedom from your everyday patterns that cause you stress and tension and fights with those you love or internal conflicts. And when you get

those euphoric days, it's like, gosh, I want this feeling to last forever. But then you find yourself making the same mistakes falling back into those same patterns that is just human nature. all aneagram types have certain patterns that they get stuck in for their entire lives if they don't do inner work on themselves. So what do I mean when I say pattern? Well, patterns are the repeat thoughts and feelings that we have. Patterns are what drive our behavior. It's what we give our time, attention, and energy to when we're not thinking at all. So here's a pattern that I wrestle with as somebody who leads with type 9 on the enagram.

distraction, focusing on the inessentials instead of what I really need to be doing, overly concerned with comfort and avoiding conflict at all costs. So if you lead with type 9, you are driven to keep the peace. If you lead with type 1, you're driven by finding what's not right with the world or other people and fixing it. If you lead with type 2, you're driven by getting people to like you and giving them what you think they need to make them love you. Type threes are driven by accomplishing goals that they believe they can be recognized and praised for. And again, a lot of this is not conscious. So it's not like threes are going out and saying like, oh, I'm only going to do this because if I do it well, that I think that

everyone's going to love me. But that's what they're unconsciously motivated by tasks. goals and they're really, really good at it. Type 4s are driven by the search and longing for what's missing. So type 4s feel like there's like something lacking, there's comparison going on there, and they just feel like they want to be completed, and so they're on this constant search for what's missing. And I didn't mean to go into a deep dive about anagram type. So I'm going to speed this along because I've talked about this before and I will talk about it again.

But type fives are driven by the conservation of their energy and other resources. Sixes are driven by safety and planning for what could go wrong. Sevens are driven by pleasure and the avoidance of unpleasant emotions or anything they think could inhibit their freedom. And eights are driven by protecting themselves and others. And we lean into these patterns of our passions for survival and also for comfort because it's like the devil we know, right? we just keep doing what we've always done because we're used to it and that feels good. Both the enneagram and stoicism say that this is actually the exact opposite of what we should be doing. So we're hurting ourselves by indulging in our passions. You've heard me talk in a previous

episode that passions are the vices of our particular enneagram type. And of course, wanting peace isn't bad. Accomplishing goals isn't bad. Protecting yourself isn't bad. But when you become fixated on these things, when you unconsciously think that you won't be loved or you won't be safe unless you are satisfying these demands of your personality, then your life is just going to get thrown out of whack. So we need to recognize our impulses and then choose a better way. As Seneca says, you have to catch yourself doing it before you can correct it. So how can we recognize our impulses? is how can we listen to the wisdom of our bodies to tell us what to do? So as an example, I was recently spending some time on the app Clubhouse.

It's like this new shiny thing, at least at the time of this recording. And it's considered social media, but it's an audio app where people are hanging out and having live conversations on all sorts of things. Nothing is recorded. There's no posting of photos or videos. You can't even message anyone through the app. It's audio only. And there are things that I really like about it. So I've met some pretty cool people and potential podcast guests who have great stories to share. I'm connecting with fellow expats around the world. And I love collaborating with other people and co-hosting rooms with them. And as a stretch goal, I hosted several rooms, which are events. And I don't like public speaking. And so I was like, yes, I'm going to host some of these rooms on my own just to like stretch me out of my comforts on. The Stoics say that we should put ourselves through voluntary hardship to build our character. And all this public speaking has definitely helped me grow. But there are things that I don't love about Clubhouse or at least how I started interacting with it. So I don't generally suffer from FOMO, which is fear of missing out. but I felt myself going there with Clubhouse. I kept hearing, this is the next big thing. If you're not there now, you're going to miss your chance to grow your audience and grow your

business. And so I could feel this anxiety building, this tightening in my body. Like, if I'm not on Clubhouse, like, I don't know. I just felt this stress. Like, I'm going to miss like all these opportunities. And I heard about people talking on Clubhouse for like more than five hours a day. And I'm just like, who has five hours to be in Clubhouse? I just couldn't. I don't want to be on my phone that much. I want to be out in nature and reading and doing a bunch of other things that aren't related to my phone. But I felt like I needed to show up and be seen and to bounce from room to room to see what was going on. And one day I was leading a conversation on podcasting, which I do love talking about. But that particular night,

I just felt like I was going through the motions. My energy wasn't there. In the anger episode of this podcast, I talked about cultivating your inner observer and listening to what your body is telling you. And so I did that while I was doing this podcast Q&A. And I realized that I was showing up there because of FOMA because I felt like I had to be there. And I was seeing all these other rooms about like, make a million dollars with your podcast. And I was thinking that's not the conversation that I was. want to be having and wondering, is that what people are expecting of me? And I was just getting

distracted from my mission. And so I left that podcasting 101 session feeling paradoxically, energetically deflated, and also revitalized. Deflated because my energy and heart weren't flowing while I was in like advice, how to mode for answering technical and monetization questions, but I got really excited when I was helping people have aha moments about their podcasts, but in a more meaningful way and talking about their business and hearing their stories. And I loved being in that coach mode. So hosting that room that night gave me more clarity in focus and pulled me back into my mission of coaching people to become the most heroic versions of themselves. People who at the end of their life want to say, I went

all in. I dared to grow. I thrived and felt alive and every moment mattered. I've been talking about that on this podcast for years, but this is really the conversation that I want to continue having and to grow. I haven't decided what I'm going to be doing with Clubhouse in the future. Maybe I will host rooms on podcasting on the Enneagram Stoicism coaching, living abroad, but I know that I will definitely be showing up in a mindful way, driven by love and service and not a frenetic, like, I have to be here kind of energy. And listening to my body and what lit me up and what didn't pulled me back into right action, which is the virtue to the pattern of inertia that Enegram Nines get mired in. We have so much we want to do. And then we get distracted, helping other people,

and we get busy with, like, shiny objects. Because, on a subconscious level, our ego is protecting us from putting ourselves out there, which doesn't seem safe, and we like to be comfortable. And personally, I love research. I love learning. I could spend all day watching educational videos, because that really interests me. But that doesn't pay the bill so I can survive. So my right action is to actually do some business generating work first and not watch videos all day, because I feel like I need more knowledge before I can sell anything. And so listening to my body helped me get clear on what I actually want to be talking about a few months back. I was in a group coaching session with a bunch of people and I actually

started crying because I was like the guinea pig that day of coaching. And the topic that I brought up was like, I don't know what to do about podcasting versus clarity and performance coaching. Should I be doing both. I don't know. And I felt like this really, this big struggle of what can, what should I let go of? Even now, like thinking back to that, I was just in this like really frenetic space because I love helping people with their, with their podcasts in a creative way, in a spiritual way, just helping them grow and also for their businesses. But I have a lot on right now. And so I think I'm going to be letting my podcast about podcasting go, or at least I'm only going to show up, like, as needed when I have something to say. I'm letting that vehicle go, and that wasn't an easy decision for me,

because I've invested a lot of time and resources and energy into that, and it's been really nice helping other people grow their shows. But, again, listening to my body, I'm, like, totally at piece now of going all in on live without borders and helping people in that way. And I'm still available to help people launch podcasts one on one and do creative work in that space, but focusing more on the coaching. And I wouldn't know this if I just stayed up in my head. I needed to incorporate, you know, what's going on in my body. As the late David Daniels said, patterns repeat unless we can get grounded and present and receptive. And that means going from the contracted habitual state that most of us live in to freedom and expansion. So imagine you are just

caught in the day to day and you're sort of like hunched over, you don't have good posture and you're like worried about something and just feeling really tight and then just sitting back and straightening up and just putting your chest out and taking a few days. deep breaths and just relaxing in like that is the difference. It means shifting from I have to, I should, I've always done, to following the path that you're meant to be on. Now, that sounds great. How do you do that? How do we break out of our patterns? Our patterns are embedded in the history of our bodies and our minds. They are part of our lived experience. And what we've come to believe is reality because our subconscious seeks out information to confirm that our patterns are

correct. And this is why we keep doing the same things over and over and over again, even when we say we are ready for change. A few months ago, I downloaded the waking up meditation app. And founder Sam Harris said, well, he compares the average mind with this guy that is really clouded with light pollution, and he said that meditation is like building a telescope that can cut through that fogginess so you can access the sky of the mind. And that's what the enneagram and stoicism helps us do as well. We're cutting through the clouds to get more clarity and set us free from our patterns. But we can't change who we are simply by thinking about it, as I mentioned a moment ago, or by passively reading a book on getting over anxiety or silencing your inner critic or whatever patterns you happen to be stuck in.

You have to involve both the body and the mind to create new neural pathways if you want to make changes stick. Now, the term new neural pathways may have just made your eyes glaze over just then, but hear me out. The narrative enneagram, which is what I studied and continued to study, focuses on integrating the psychological, spiritual, and somatic, which means your body. So the psychological work brings awareness to our enneagram types, structure, and patterns. The spiritual work involves cultivating our inner observer to notice our thoughts and behaviors without judgment, getting curious, relaxing our patterns, which allows us to become more receptive to new ways of being. We realize we are part of something greater. And the semantic work, the

body work changes our neural pathways. Change doesn't last for most people because they are only focused on cognitive understanding what they are thinking about. They are only thinking about changing and taking information about changing on a cerebral level, but they need to involve the body as well or they will just keep continuing to repeat the history, the beliefs, and emotions that are embedded in their bodies. A Holocaust survivor named Victor Frankel, whom modern Stoics talk about all the time, said that between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and our freedom. So pause, breathe, allow. In addition to cultivating your inner observer, which I talked about in a previous episode, I have another brilliant exercise for you. A woman named Andrea Isaacs has been teaching something called Any Emotion for years. And this week I've been doing one of her embodiment exercises and here's how it works. Think about something that you want to change and how it feels in your body. Then act it out physically and really exaggerate it for so far. For me, it was indecision.

So I was physically acting out what indecision feels like. And my head was whipping around this way and that, because that's what that's what indecision like visually felt like to me. And then she says to shift into how you want to feel. What does that physically look like? And as you do this, she says to shout out the affirmation of how you want to feel. and this might come up spontaneously simply by shifting into the physical position of how you want to feel. So I went from flailing around to throwing my head back and my arms back and standing up straight and saying,

I know what I want and I'm moving forward. Andrea says that you should start with the physical, then the mind to create the new neural pathway, and that you can repeat the affirmation any time. You don't even have to do the physical part and it will energize the pathway. She also says that you can say this before bed and you'll wake up with it. So how are you feeling and how do you want to feel and how can you embody that? To recap, when we become aware of our patterns, when we observe them and notice how they make us physically feel, we can change how we think and act and feel.

By integrating our mind, body, and spirit, we are creating new neural pathways. We stop running on autopilot and we start making conscious decisions to help us become our higher self. So back to Clubhouse for a minute. Listening to my body really helped me slow down and enjoy the conversations in the rooms I was in. At first, I felt this tug like, oh, maybe I should see what else is out there. Maybe there's like a speaking opportunity somewhere else. And when I noticed that tug, which almost felt like I was on, fast forward, I said, hang on, I like what I'm hearing here.

I want to stay and really listen. That's why I want to show up here. This internal listening raised my awareness about, as I said, the conversations that I want to be having now with you. And the relationships that I want to build and how I want to be spending my time. And I just felt more grounded and present and reset. and I remembered that the value that we give is not just the advice that we offer, but it's also the stories that we share. And when we let go of resistance, when we loosen the grip on our patterns,

we open the door to more peace and yes, euphoria. All right, that's all I have for you today. If you would like my help getting more grounded, present, and receptive, DM me on Instagram and let's talk. That's all for now. Thank you so much for listening and have a beautiful week wherever you are. Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free conversation sheet sheet with simple formulas that you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you're in a meeting or just talking with friends.

Download it at sarahmicatel.com slash blank no more.