Citizens of the World: A Stoic Podcast for Curious Travelers - How to Live More Courageously Part 2

Episode Date: December 3, 2021

Quick reminder in case you need it…Even if you don’t feel like a particularly courageous person, you’ve acted bravely at some point in your life. Maybe you stood up for someone. Traveled solo. Moved abroad. Said no. Admitted when you were wrong. Jumped out of a plane. Cried in front of someone. You have what it takes to show up courageously every day, but that doesn’t just magically happen. Here are four daily practices you can do to build your courage (a core Stoic virtue)  and resiliency.❤️Hello! I'm your host, Sarah Mikutel. But the real question is, who are you? Where are you now and where do you want to be? Can I help you get there?Visit sarahmikutel.com to learn how we can work together to help you achieve more peace, happiness, and positive transformation in your life.Book your Enneagram typing session by going to sarahmikutel.com/typingsessionDo you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

Welcome to Live Without Borders, a travel and wellness show for expats, the expat curious, and globally-minded citizens of the world. We are the travelers, the culturally curious, the experiences and not things kind of people, and we know that freedom is about more than getting on a plane. It's about becoming the most heroic versions of ourselves, which is why on this podcast you will hear insider travel secrets, inspiring expat stories, and advice on how to live abroad. but you will also hear episodes that will help give you the clarity, focus, and skills you need to create a life that will set your soul on fire. I am your host, Sarah Micatel, a certified clarity coach trained in the Enneagram, and I first moved abroad on my own at age 18, and I have been

permanently enjoying life in Europe since 2010. If you are ready to make some big moves in your life and want my help moving from someday to seize the day, visit live without borderspodcast.com. Welcome to part two of the courage episode. Last time I discussed what courage means and how fear can show up differently in all of our lives depending on our enneagram type. For example, I as an enneagram 9, and this is just my particular story, but I have moved to a few different countries on my own. And to be honest with you, that didn't require that much courage on my part. I knew I wanted to do it, and I made it happen. You know, it was right action. It was right action. my life. I knew this was right for me and I'm going for it. And I did have flickers of fear,

of course, in certain situations. You know, as that plane is first touching down, there is that moment of, whoa, what am I doing? I don't even know anyone here. I don't speak the language. What's going on? But that never really lasted that long for me. In fact, I felt more nervous solo traveling for the first time for some strange reason. And I did that after I moved abroad a few times by myself. On the other hand, if you ask me to introduce myself in a workshop on Zoom where there's a hundred people, I literally have written down my name and where I live. So I don't mess up my introduction. I'm like, hello, Sarah, I live in London. But I never sounded like that. That was just me internally. But outside, I presented as very calm and confident. And in fact, I used to have to

emce these all-staff meetings once in a while for a previous job that I had. Standing in front of everyone, talking, and I would have people come up to me afterward and say, wow, I wish I could present like you. You are so calm. I would be so nervous. And I would say, don't worry, I am dying inside. I am energetically shattered. And this meeting was always at the beginning of the day. So afterward, I would just be like passed out in my chair. But that was before I learned to manage my emotions a little bit better. No, I didn't have to run this meeting every week. I took turns with other people on my team. But have I gotten up there every week? I'm sure that my anxiety would have gone down a bit. Or I could have channeled my anxiety into excitement. More on that, in a bit.

And it also would have helped if I had shown up with the intent to improve my public speaking and find a way to enjoy. enjoy speaking to the room, instead of showing up feeling like, this is the worst. I hate that this is part of my job. And that is how I showed up internally anyway. I had a lot of resistance to this part of my job. But I said that was internally. It didn't look like this on the outside. So you never know what's really going on inside of someone. But I don't feel as anxious as I used to because I've purposely challenged myself to step out of my comfort zone, to speak more, to share my thoughts. And the more, that you do this, whatever your personal challenges and fears are, the easier it becomes. You become more emotionally resilient. More on that in a bit. First, I want to remind you that even if you don't

feel particularly courageous, you have already shown up in a courageous way at some point in your life. I'm sure you have. Maybe you stood up for somebody, traveled solo, moved abroad. I'm just using my examples here. But you've done courageous things. You've said no. You've admitted when you were wrong, jumped out of a plane maybe, cried in front of someone. One way to cultivate feelings of courage is to connect with these previous courageous acts. Here's a little exercise. Try recalling a time when you were courageous and stay with this memory, really sink into it. What physical sensations and emotions are coming up? Stay with these. Intensify them if you can. Maybe you're feeling a swelling of the heart, feelings of love, justice, protection, adrenaline. Why was it important for you

to be courageous in that moment? What did it mean to you? How did you move your body? What was your posture like? Were you standing up straighter? Stay with this for a few seconds. Stay with this experience. Absorb it. That's just a really quick example of an embodied approach that you can use to cultivate courageous feelings. It's a practice that you can keep coming back to when you need a bravery boost. And in fact, you should do things like this quite frequently. It's not like a one and done thing. As with any well-being practice, it's good to keep it going. So remember, you've got what it takes. You have been here before. You can do this. You might also want to try out Mel Robbins' five-second rule. She has a book of the same name. And the story goes that she was unhappy with her life and

interrupt. Her marriage wasn't going well. And then she saw a commercial that had a 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 rocket blast off countdown. And she decided, you know what, that's how I'm going to live my life with a 5 second countdown to action with no time for worrying or overthinking. And she says, the moment you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and physically move or your brain will stop you. So her book focuses a lot on goals, but also courage. So I'm going to quote from the five second rule. I get a lot of questions about public speaking. And specifically, how did I get over my fears and nerves about public speaking? My answer always surprises people. I have never gotten over my fears and nerves. I just use them to my advantage. Here is the trick. I don't call it nerves. I call it excitement because physiologically, anxiety and excitement are exactly the same thing. Fear and excitement are the exact same thing in your body. The only difference between excitement and anxiety is what your mind calls it, end quote. Maybe you're already trying something like 5,4, 3, 2.1. Years ago at this point, I interviewed Jen Glantz, the traveling bridesmaid for hire, an all-around lovely person.

And she said that when it came to making new friends in new places, because at the time when I was interviewing her every 30 days, she was moving, like living in a new city. and she would give herself five seconds to say hello to somebody when she would walk into a new place like a yoga class. So I really like that idea. If you're nervous about something, don't overthink it. Five, four, three, two, one, go. The Stoics practice building their resiliency in the good times so that they would be prepared when the hard times hit. They called this premeditacio malorum, the premeditation of adversity. Donald Robert. has a really great audio meditation on this that I will link to. Essentially, you imagine a situation that makes you uneasy and you're going to walk yourself through this scenario from beginning to end as if it's happening right now. You might want to slow yourself down for this exercise and take a few deep belly breaths, exhaling longer than you're inhaling. And just relax. This is a calm contemplation. It's not about worrying about the future or ruminating. So close your eyes and experience this scene that's unpleasant for you with all of your senses.

What sensations are you feeling internally? What emotions? What thoughts are popping up in your mind? Observe the situation like a detached scientist. You are just making observations. You're not stifling your emotions or different thoughts that come up. And then you can challenge those observations by reminding yourself, that it's not things that upset us but are judgments about those things. And reflect on what is up to you

and what's out of your control? What are you making the situation mean? What is another way of looking at this? What is true? What matters? The idea is to repeat this exercise more than once in a sitting and then daily to help us achieve a more serene state of mind. The Greeks called this apothea, which is a state of mind in which one is not disturbed by the passions. This exercise builds your courage that prepares you for future adversity. However, as Donald Robertson says, the most important thing for a stoic is to calmly evaluate whether the thoughts and feelings that you experience in response to apparent adversity refer to things that are up to you or not. If about external things, the stoic practice is to remind yourself that these are neither good or bad, but ultimately

indifferent with regard to your moral character and well-being. Over time, begin to ask yourself how a perfectly wise and just person with complete self-control would respond when faced with the same situation you're imagining. End quote. I talk to people all the time who are afraid of podcasting, posting on social media, because what if somebody says something? mean. And that is a legitimate concern if that is your biggest fear that somebody will say something mean, because these days there's a good chance that somebody will say something rude. And that really hurts if you don't build up your emotional resiliency. But why should other people's opinions be your biggest concern? In the meditations, Marcus Aurelius talks about how we're kind of obsessed with

ourselves, and yet we care more about what other people think about us than what we think about ourselves. Self-worth shouldn't be tied to what strangers say on the internet. It should be determined by how you live your life, what you think about you. In addition to managing our mind with mental exercises, or working with a good coach or therapist, how else can we mitigate our fears of being judged? Well, at the beginning of his philosophical training, Zeno, the founder of stoicism, had to learn to get over his fear of embarrassment. His teacher, Cratis, who was not a Stoic, because remember, Zeno founded Stoicism. He was learning from a cynic, and cynicism was a philosophical school.

It was not cynicism, the modern adjective. So anyway, Craties made Zeno walk around town with a bowl of lentil soup, which made him feel really foolish. And when Zeno tried to hide it, Cradies smashed it and soup splattered everywhere. And Cratis did this to try and help Zeno get over his discomfort and see that. It was not that big of a deal to have soup on him. And that became part of stoic practice, this kind of exposure therapy to help us work through our vices, our passions. This can mean stretching out of your comfort zone with meaningful challenges, like getting on stage,

like Mel Robbins. It can also mean sillier practices to help us get over our passions. Podcaster and lover of stoicism, Tim Ferriss, calls these comfort challenges, one of them being to lay down on the sidewalk for 10 seconds and then to get up and go about your business. So five, four, three, two, one. Get out of your comfort zone. Cultivate feelings of courage by tapping into your previous brave acts and take courageous action now. Keep moving forward. These days, our culture outsources courage. We watch superhero movies and live vicariously through imaginary characters. But you have what it takes to show up differently, to be the leader of your life, to really show up, to be curious, to be courageous. Not everyone is going to praise you and love you for that,

but you will live a richer and more fulfilling life. Our fears about how others perceive us not only have a silencing effect, they can twist how we think and act. On social media, it's more acceptable to be snarky and sarcastic than it is to be sincere and curious. How we act becomes who we are. It is who we are. I'd like to end with the passage from Teddy Roosevelt's Man in the Arena speech officially known as the citizenship in a republic's speech, and this was delivered in Paris in 1910. But these words feel especially relevant today. So here we go. The poorest way to face life is to face it with a sneer. There are many men who feel a kind of twisted pride in cynicism. There are many who confine themselves to criticism of the way others do what they themselves

dare not even attempt. It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming. Who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory

nor defeat." End quote. It's time we stop letting the critics dictate our actions and emotions. Those unhealthy people who spend their days leaving negative reviews, tearing people down on social media, who talk trash on strangers, and even people they supposedly care about, who judge others for trying something new while they make no effort to change their unhappy situation. Their complaints and critiques don't matter because while you are choosing courage, they don't even have the guts to get in the ring. People hiding in the shadows don't get to call the shots. You do. So be a role model. Live up to the standards of your highest self, or your inner dimone, as the Stoics call it. That's your inner spirit, your inner knowing, your conscious, your genius. Be someone your

10-year-old self would be proud of. Be someone who stands up and takes risks. Be courageous. All right, that's all for now. Go ahead and follow the show or hit subscribe so you can hear more episodes like this. And if you would like my help taking bold action on your own dreams, like living abroad, changing careers and other life transitions, visit live without borderspodcast.com. Thanks for listening and have a beautiful week wherever you are. Do you ever go blank or start rambling when puts you on the spot. I created a free conversation sheet sheet with simple formulas that you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you're in a meeting or just talking with friends. Download it at sarah mygatel.com slash blank no more.