Talk to Strangers (Science Says It Will Make You Happier)
00:04Welcome to the Postcard Academy. I'm your host, Sarah Megatel, and today I want to explore theimportance of actually engaging with the world that we're in, specifically with people we don't know.When you're traveling, do you open yourself up to new experiences, including talking to new people?Do you do the same thing when you get home? Or suddenly, does that idea seem crazy?In this episode, I will share what happened when a researcher forced strangers to dock on a train,and also share an audio diary I made this summer after a chance encounter on a bus in Croatia.But first, Atlanta.This past weekend, I was at the Shee Podcast Live conference in Atlanta, hanging out with all of my podcast friends, especially the E-leaguers.
00:53I had such a good time.I spoke at my first conference.This was so exciting.And nothing that I ever would have tried had I not started podcasting.I was so nervous to get up on stage.But once I did it, I loved it.I loved public speaking.Who knew?
01:09And the crowd had questioned throughout my presentation, which was awesome.I really loved that.It was such a surprise.But at one point, I had to sneak away because I was in Atlanta and I have never reallyspent much time there.Definitely a city I want to go back to.But I snuck off to Atlanta's old fourth ward.and that includes the historic Ebenezer Baptist Church where Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. was baptized
01:39and where he served as co-paster with his father. So I went inside and I walked up the steps of thisold brick church and sat down near the front of the altar and they were playing a recording of him,an audio recording. And I'm not sure if he was at church or in front of him.of a crowd outside somewhere, but he was speaking and the people listening to him were respondingback. It was like definitely a two-way. Yes, I feel you. I'm with you. It was such a powerfulexperience that I started crying in the church. I could not stop crying. I was not expecting thisemotional response. I was just going to sort of pay my respects and see a little bit of history.And I was crying for the loss of Martin Luther King and just the state of society and how could someone have done this.
02:40But I was also crying for our time right now thinking, do we still take time to listen?His people were really listening, as I said, they were acknowledging, they were feeling.And when I'm traveling, I see people just so disconnected from where,they are. They will be in a very famous site and take a picture and move on. And they didn't evensee what they had traveled 3,000 miles to see. They were just documenting. And I knowsomeday when they look back, they're going to think, I miss this. I was there, but I wasn'tthere. Sometimes after a long day, we just want a Netflix binge. Those canfeel great. They can provide a necessary rest for our bodies. I remember long working days where I got
03:41home, ordered a pizza, and just sat in bed and veged out. So sometimes we need that. But it's notenough for our souls. We want connection, even when we think we don't. Did you ever have planswith a friend and they cancel and then you get super excited to get this time back to do nothing?And we've all been there and we think that's what makes us happy.And it does a little bit.But you've probably also experienced a time when you made plans and you wanted to back outbecause you're tired, but you don't back out because you're a good friend.And then you end up having the time of your life.
04:21We are happier when we feel connected to others, even when we think we'd be happierbeing alone, keeping our heads down, not talking to anyone.and there is research to support this. Yale professor Lori Santos teaches psychology and the good life,the most popular course in Yale's 300-year history. According to Lori, feelings of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s,and 60% of college students in the U.S. say they feel very lonely most of the time. This is a terrifying statistic that we should all be so alarmed about.The negative health consequences of this, she said, are equal to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.Lori created her Yale course to help students make choices that will lead to a happier and a more fulfilling life.And she has a new podcast, which I love called The Happiness Lab podcast, which is part of Malcolm Gladwell's Pushkin Industries podcast company.
05:21On episode four of the Happiness Lab, Lori talks to behavioral science professor Nick Epley about an experiment that he conducted on his train that he takes on his way to work in Chicago.He says, normally that train is so quiet. No one talks to each other. No one interacts. Even though he knows this train is filled with interesting people. And he wanted to find out what's happening. Why doesn't anyone talk to each other? So he recruited past.passengers to participate in some research, and he broke them up into three groups.Group one couldn't talk to anyone.Group two could do whatever they normally did, which was pretty much the same as group one.They didn't talk to their train neighbor.And group three would have to talk to their train neighbor.So who do you think had the most enjoyable train ride into work?
06:17By far, group three reported having a happier train ride.into work. And it wasn't just the person who initiated the conversation. The person that they weretalking to who is sitting next to them, they also reported having a better, more pleasant train rideinto work. And these results were the same for introverts and extroverts. So you might be thinking,I'm an introvert. I don't want to talk to my neighbor. We think we don't. But studies show thatwe actually feel happier throughout the day when we are interacting with people and havingthese conversations. And Nick, that behavioral science professor, repeated this experiment in a bunch ofdifferent social scenarios, and the results were all the same. Are you going to test this out?
07:13I challenge you to strike up a conversation with someone in a cafe or a bookstore or a subway.Let's bring conversation back, people. If you take me up on this challenge, I would love to hear outwhat goes. Email me at Sarah at postcardacademy.co. And now,onto my audio diary, sort of audio diary, more like an audio essay, which I was inspired to recordafter an experience that I had this summer, a really transformational experience because it made merethink how I was engaging in this world and what I wanted to change. I recently found myselfwandering the airport parking lot in Split, Croatia. I had a few minutes to catch the bus intotown where I would catch another bus to another town called Shibonik. And if I miss the first bus,
08:05a domino effect would ensue that would leave me stranded. So the first person I see, I ask,hey, do you know where the bus into town is? And that is the beauty of solo travel. You get comfortableasking people for help with talking to strangers and with forging your own path. If you are shy orquestion whether you have what it takes to do something or are scared about giving voice to a dream youhave, travel by yourself somewhere. Even if it's just for a weekend, go explore somewhere on yourown. Stay at a hostel. Some of them are very nice these days. Have lunch by yourself. Strike up aconversation with somebody you don't know. To many people, this can sound terrifying and not thatmake of a deal all at the same time. Have dinner by myself in public? That is crazy. And also,
08:59not a big deal in any way. If our biggest problem is drinking a glass of Prosecco and watchingthe sunset by herself, then we are among the most blessed people on earth. Back at that airportparking lot in Croatia, William, the young man I had meant, and I finally found the bus and we sat downnext to each other. He is this bearded 26-year-old, but old soul carpenter who already has his own house.And we chatted and marveled at how this is such an incredible time to be alive, with travel so muchmore accessible now than in our grandparents' generation. He also told me that he's in a band,but he says he's too old for anything to come of it. We've all said that in our lives, right? I'm too old to learnFrench. I would love to pick up the cello, but it's just too late for me. And then five years later,
09:54we say, why didn't I start that five years ago? William was telling me that he was going through arough time with an older brother who treats him horribly, and then a girlfriend who just cheated on him.But it's his relationship with his brother that really breaks his heart. And I really felt forWilliam and we talked about family and travel. I told him about a potential job opportunity that I wasunsure of. And we had only known each other for 20 or 30 minutes. But that's the thing about conversationsbetween people traveling on their own. They get real, really quick. And these conversations areoften more intimate than ones we have with people we see all the time. But we have to make space to beconsciously in this world to have these conversations. And meeting William made me realize that
10:46when I'm walking around or otherwise commuting, I almost always have my headphones on. And this closesus off to the rest of the world. It's a signal, don't talk to me. And while I clearly love podcastsand could happily spend the entire day consuming them, I want to spend more time in the world without myearbuds, more time hearing what's going on in the world around me, and engaging with the peoplewho are in it. Feelings of anxiety and loneliness are skyrocketing around the world, because we arenever at peace. We are consuming, consuming, consuming at double speed. A break from technology sparkscreativity, which is why our best ideas always happen when we are in the shower, or when we're out on a walkand by some miracle forgot our phones.
11:40Our brains and our hearts and our soulsneed this space to rest and recharge.Now, when I jog in the morning,I do listen to podcasts,but when I reach a certain wooden benchon a cliff in front of the ocean,I take off my headphonesand then I just sit there.
11:59This is my version of morning meditation.I don't do anything other thanstare at the sea and feel the windand the sun and hear the waves. And this simple act of just being in the world has transformedhow I feel for the rest of the day. I'm more at ease and focused on what I want to accomplish,and I'm better at filtering out the noise in the world. Before William and I got off the bus inSplit City Center, the mentor in me popped out and I tried to reassure William that heHe is in fact very young and in 20 years he will kick himself for not going after what he wanted to go after in his 20s because he was too old.
12:48Then we said goodbye and parted ways both in better spirits than when our journey had began.Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot?I created a free conversation sheet sheet with simple formulas that you can use so you can respond with clarity whether you're in a meeting orjust talking with friends. Download it at sarah micotel.com slash blank no more.
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