Citizens of the World: A Stoic Podcast for Curious Travelers - Talk to Strangers (Science Says It Will Make You Happier)

Episode Date: November 1, 2019

When you’re traveling, do you open yourself up to new experiences, including talking to new people? Do you do the same at home, or does talking to strangers suddenly feel a little crazy?    According to science, we’d be living healthier, happier lives if we maintained the sense of openness and adventure we experience while traveling to other places.    On the Postcard Academy podcast, I share what happened when a researcher forced strangers to talk on a train, and play you an audio diary I recorded this summer after a chance encounter on a bus in Croatia changed my life.   I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel. Did you know I host another show called Podcasting Step by Step? Check it out if you’ve been wanting to start a podcast. Every week, I break down ‘how to podcast’ with a little loving motivation to give you the skills and confidence you need to finally launch that show of your dreams.   Ready to travel? Get your free guide to cheap airfare.   Thank you so much for listening to this show. I know you’re busy and have many listening options, so it means a lot to me that you’re here. You are the best.   This podcast is brought to you by Audible. Not a member yet? Postcard Academy listeners can get a FREE audiobook and a 30-day free trial if you sign up via audibletrial.com/postcard   This podcast is also brought to you by World Nomads. Need simple and flexible travel insurance? Get a cost estimate from World Nomads using their handy calculator at postcardacademy.co/insurance  Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

Welcome to the Postcard Academy. I'm your host, Sarah Megatel, and today I want to explore the importance of actually engaging with the world that we're in, specifically with people we don't know. When you're traveling, do you open yourself up to new experiences, including talking to new people? Do you do the same thing when you get home? Or suddenly, does that idea seem crazy? In this episode, I will share what happened when a researcher forced strangers to dock on a train, and also share an audio diary I made this summer after a chance encounter on a bus in Croatia. But first, Atlanta. This past weekend, I was at the Shee Podcast Live conference in Atlanta, hanging out with all of my podcast friends, especially the E-leaguers.

I had such a good time. I spoke at my first conference. This was so exciting. And nothing that I ever would have tried had I not started podcasting. I was so nervous to get up on stage. But once I did it, I loved it. I loved public speaking. Who knew?

And the crowd had questioned throughout my presentation, which was awesome. I really loved that. It was such a surprise. But at one point, I had to sneak away because I was in Atlanta and I have never really spent much time there. Definitely a city I want to go back to. But I snuck off to Atlanta's old fourth ward. and that includes the historic Ebenezer Baptist Church where Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. was baptized

and where he served as co-paster with his father. So I went inside and I walked up the steps of this old brick church and sat down near the front of the altar and they were playing a recording of him, an audio recording. And I'm not sure if he was at church or in front of him. of a crowd outside somewhere, but he was speaking and the people listening to him were responding back. It was like definitely a two-way. Yes, I feel you. I'm with you. It was such a powerful experience that I started crying in the church. I could not stop crying. I was not expecting this emotional response. I was just going to sort of pay my respects and see a little bit of history. And I was crying for the loss of Martin Luther King and just the state of society and how could someone have done this.

But I was also crying for our time right now thinking, do we still take time to listen? His people were really listening, as I said, they were acknowledging, they were feeling. And when I'm traveling, I see people just so disconnected from where, they are. They will be in a very famous site and take a picture and move on. And they didn't even see what they had traveled 3,000 miles to see. They were just documenting. And I know someday when they look back, they're going to think, I miss this. I was there, but I wasn't there. Sometimes after a long day, we just want a Netflix binge. Those can feel great. They can provide a necessary rest for our bodies. I remember long working days where I got

home, ordered a pizza, and just sat in bed and veged out. So sometimes we need that. But it's not enough for our souls. We want connection, even when we think we don't. Did you ever have plans with a friend and they cancel and then you get super excited to get this time back to do nothing? And we've all been there and we think that's what makes us happy. And it does a little bit. But you've probably also experienced a time when you made plans and you wanted to back out because you're tired, but you don't back out because you're a good friend. And then you end up having the time of your life.

We are happier when we feel connected to others, even when we think we'd be happier being alone, keeping our heads down, not talking to anyone. and there is research to support this. Yale professor Lori Santos teaches psychology and the good life, the most popular course in Yale's 300-year history. According to Lori, feelings of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s, and 60% of college students in the U.S. say they feel very lonely most of the time. This is a terrifying statistic that we should all be so alarmed about. The negative health consequences of this, she said, are equal to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Lori created her Yale course to help students make choices that will lead to a happier and a more fulfilling life. And she has a new podcast, which I love called The Happiness Lab podcast, which is part of Malcolm Gladwell's Pushkin Industries podcast company.

On episode four of the Happiness Lab, Lori talks to behavioral science professor Nick Epley about an experiment that he conducted on his train that he takes on his way to work in Chicago. He says, normally that train is so quiet. No one talks to each other. No one interacts. Even though he knows this train is filled with interesting people. And he wanted to find out what's happening. Why doesn't anyone talk to each other? So he recruited past. passengers to participate in some research, and he broke them up into three groups. Group one couldn't talk to anyone. Group two could do whatever they normally did, which was pretty much the same as group one. They didn't talk to their train neighbor. And group three would have to talk to their train neighbor. So who do you think had the most enjoyable train ride into work?

By far, group three reported having a happier train ride. into work. And it wasn't just the person who initiated the conversation. The person that they were talking to who is sitting next to them, they also reported having a better, more pleasant train ride into work. And these results were the same for introverts and extroverts. So you might be thinking, I'm an introvert. I don't want to talk to my neighbor. We think we don't. But studies show that we actually feel happier throughout the day when we are interacting with people and having these conversations. And Nick, that behavioral science professor, repeated this experiment in a bunch of different social scenarios, and the results were all the same. Are you going to test this out?

I challenge you to strike up a conversation with someone in a cafe or a bookstore or a subway. Let's bring conversation back, people. If you take me up on this challenge, I would love to hear out what goes. Email me at Sarah at postcardacademy.co. And now, onto my audio diary, sort of audio diary, more like an audio essay, which I was inspired to record after an experience that I had this summer, a really transformational experience because it made me rethink how I was engaging in this world and what I wanted to change. I recently found myself wandering the airport parking lot in Split, Croatia. I had a few minutes to catch the bus into town where I would catch another bus to another town called Shibonik. And if I miss the first bus,

a domino effect would ensue that would leave me stranded. So the first person I see, I ask, hey, do you know where the bus into town is? And that is the beauty of solo travel. You get comfortable asking people for help with talking to strangers and with forging your own path. If you are shy or question whether you have what it takes to do something or are scared about giving voice to a dream you have, travel by yourself somewhere. Even if it's just for a weekend, go explore somewhere on your own. Stay at a hostel. Some of them are very nice these days. Have lunch by yourself. Strike up a conversation with somebody you don't know. To many people, this can sound terrifying and not that make of a deal all at the same time. Have dinner by myself in public? That is crazy. And also,

not a big deal in any way. If our biggest problem is drinking a glass of Prosecco and watching the sunset by herself, then we are among the most blessed people on earth. Back at that airport parking lot in Croatia, William, the young man I had meant, and I finally found the bus and we sat down next to each other. He is this bearded 26-year-old, but old soul carpenter who already has his own house. And we chatted and marveled at how this is such an incredible time to be alive, with travel so much more accessible now than in our grandparents' generation. He also told me that he's in a band, but he says he's too old for anything to come of it. We've all said that in our lives, right? I'm too old to learn French. I would love to pick up the cello, but it's just too late for me. And then five years later,

we say, why didn't I start that five years ago? William was telling me that he was going through a rough time with an older brother who treats him horribly, and then a girlfriend who just cheated on him. But it's his relationship with his brother that really breaks his heart. And I really felt for William and we talked about family and travel. I told him about a potential job opportunity that I was unsure of. And we had only known each other for 20 or 30 minutes. But that's the thing about conversations between people traveling on their own. They get real, really quick. And these conversations are often more intimate than ones we have with people we see all the time. But we have to make space to be consciously in this world to have these conversations. And meeting William made me realize that

when I'm walking around or otherwise commuting, I almost always have my headphones on. And this closes us off to the rest of the world. It's a signal, don't talk to me. And while I clearly love podcasts and could happily spend the entire day consuming them, I want to spend more time in the world without my earbuds, more time hearing what's going on in the world around me, and engaging with the people who are in it. Feelings of anxiety and loneliness are skyrocketing around the world, because we are never at peace. We are consuming, consuming, consuming at double speed. A break from technology sparks creativity, which is why our best ideas always happen when we are in the shower, or when we're out on a walk and by some miracle forgot our phones.

Our brains and our hearts and our souls need this space to rest and recharge. Now, when I jog in the morning, I do listen to podcasts, but when I reach a certain wooden bench on a cliff in front of the ocean, I take off my headphones and then I just sit there.

This is my version of morning meditation. I don't do anything other than stare at the sea and feel the wind and the sun and hear the waves. And this simple act of just being in the world has transformed how I feel for the rest of the day. I'm more at ease and focused on what I want to accomplish, and I'm better at filtering out the noise in the world. Before William and I got off the bus in Split City Center, the mentor in me popped out and I tried to reassure William that he He is in fact very young and in 20 years he will kick himself for not going after what he wanted to go after in his 20s because he was too old.

Then we said goodbye and parted ways both in better spirits than when our journey had began. Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free conversation sheet sheet with simple formulas that you can use so you can respond with clarity whether you're in a meeting or just talking with friends. Download it at sarah micotel.com slash blank no more.