Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 38 with Brian Bishop and Nelson Grant

Episode Date: January 29, 2021

Rapid-fire Q and A responding to listener submitted topics with guest hosts Brian Bishop and Nelson Grant. 1. Will "package" size impact my training and career opportunities in the military 2. Why do the majority of military members lean to the "right" 3. How do I actually remove my emotion from my decision making 4. How do I get my dad to become more self-aware and recognize the negative impact he is having on my family 5. How do you carry on after the loss of a loved one Enjoy

Okay, got to red smoke. Gun runs. North and south. West of the smoke. West up of smoke. Okay, copy. West of the smoke. I'm looking at danger close now.

Are we ready? I believe so. Let's do this. I mean, there's are we ready? And then there's, are we ready? Here we go. Looks like it's recording. Nelson, you've never been a part of the full auto Friday.

routine. This is interesting. This is the first threesome, if you will, for a full other Friday. That's good. We're gonna do it? Cheers or what? Yes, sure. We had a momentary scare where we thought the Guinness Cag was empty. Catastrophe was averted. It was averted. We just had to exert patience. I definitely had to call you out because there's no way you drain that keg inside of the air. You should talk into the microphone. Yeah. There you go. Pull it up directly in front of your face. Talking to that thing. Hey. You got some Guinness in here or what?

Is it working? It's working. That's what I'm double-checking. I've made every possible technical error with this stuff. Well, good. Don't fuck up the audio again because you'll get lynched for doing that. I know, I will. I'll get lynched by people who have no intention whatsoever to start their own podcast or understand the complexities. Not that there's a lot of them. Correct. Seems pretty easy.

iPhone record. And with that, can we get to, can we just talk about some internet protocol real quick? Sure. I would like to talk. I would like to address our audience. Yes. Before we get into the questions, comments from Brian Bishop. Yes. I would like to address our audience. Okay. First off, you are obviously a racist in a white supremacist based off of our last conversation. Yes. Is this what we're going to address? No. I mean, yes, but no. I just want to let everybody know. I am not. Your messenger, bitch.

So stop sending me messages that say, tell Andy this, tell Andy that, do this, do that. He really is. So if you send me a message that says that, it goes automatically into delete. Also, if you're a ghost account and you have no profile picture. Those are my favorite. And you have no posts and you have like one or two followers. And it's essentially a black screen. And then you're very opinionated in your DM.

Delete. Fair. Yeah. And sometimes I'll answer questions if it's an interesting question or well thought out. Yeah, a lot of times they infrequently come from the account that is private with zero posts, four followers, and following like three people. Right. Of which I'm not one of the people that they're following. So I'm curious how they even found their way to me in the first place.

Correct. And I kind of feel like if you don't have the balls to at least like have a profile picture on there. I mean, you can have a private account. That's cool. Lots of people message me that have private accounts. But they have like, there's posts. They have followers. They follow people.

They have a profile picture. So it's at least a little bit popular. but if you have none of that, fuck straight off. And then also, you know, everybody, I just want people to be aware of what it's like when you have 200,000. What do you have, nearly 200,000? I don't know. So the other night when we were with, when we were with Dudley and you were, is that the night

you went to sleep on the floor while we were having a conversation? That did happen. Okay. Just checking. Yes. Note to self people, don't let Andy St. make drinks for you. I was drinking them too.

There was a little, what'd you call that concoction? The Texas. That's a killer Texan. The killer Texan. Kilcliff and Tidos. Nelson's had him. Oh yeah. Yeah, I got put the fuck to sleep on the kitchen floor.

I sit up though. I didn't. I was having a conversation with Erica. It was myself, Erica, and Bishop. And then slowly he just got shorter and shorter and shorter. And then he was just laying on the kitchen floor passed out. And we just continued our conversation. Other people walked over and they're like,

what the hell? I'm like, he's just sleeping. In my defense, I had been eating very strict keto with like no carbs for a week and a half. And I think I had fasted all day that day. And then you, we just went straight into drinking. And you made me drinks that I think would kill at least three kindergarten aged humans. So. Okay.

I was drinking them as well, didn't have the same issues. Whatever. Genetics, you're either born with good ones or you're not. I can't control what you came out of the game. I mean, let's like, let's just look at the record here. I think you're three and one right now. I've put you to bed like three times to your one. You've never put me to bed.

I go to bed. Oh, is that? Well, I still. Have you ever actually put me in the bed? No. I mean, you didn't put me in the bed. I just chose to sleep on the floor. I chose to make my bed on the kitchen floor.

I threw chips at you and Kool-Aidate them. It was awesome. I woke up projectile vomiting into a trash can. I know. With somebody who shall remain nameless holding your hair, bitch ass. It was so awesome. Okay. Are we done with our internet rant?

That was kind of your rant, so let me know when we've come to its conclusion. Oh, well, for people that complain to me all the time that like, Andy doesn't answer his DMs. I do the best I can, man. You do the best you can. I scrolled through your DMs for 20 minutes and made it to day two. Wow. So 20 minutes, I'm not even shitting you, 20 minutes of scrolling, made it to day two message requests. So people, be patient.

I do what I can. Yeah. I do what I can. You do. Yeah. Okay. All right. So, follow out on Friday, Nelson.

I know you've listened to it before, because you said you had earlier today. Yeah. We're going to cover five topics today. All of them very different. We're going to try to limit our answers to five minute. Emphasis on try. We'll take the conversation where it naturally goes. So I pick questions because I will get a volume of questions, so I try to put them into category.

So if we can answer one, we can move on with that category. It's nice having three people in here because we each. have backgrounds that are different. You come from a law enforcement background. Bishop comes from military background, same as myself, but you also have the design aspect. You know worldwide as a relationship expert. Yes.

And so, yeah, some different insight. This one, when I saw it, and to be honest, this one came, and it said, full auto Friday question for Brian Bishop. So it helped me select it. But I think you would be the one, given your background and just who you are as a person that would best be able to answer this question.

go. Long time podcast lover and thanks for all that you do. I have always wanted to be a seal, but I'm concerned that my package will cause me to constantly be made fun of in the community. I do not have a micro penis, but let's just say it's underwhelming. I would compare it to a squib load. It's lacking power and often does not make it all the way down the barrel. Will this be an issue for me through training and or a possible career? Any thoughts on what I could do to make this less of an issue? And since this has been you living with this for life. I'm like, this is me. He's talking.

He's describing me. Does your package, your equipment, does it matter in the military special operations law enforcement community? No. No. That would answer definitely. You know what matters? Big balls.

Short dick, big balls. Is that a common pairing? For me, it is. All right. So, yeah. How much time have you spent your career checking out other people's junk? Let's get to the root cause of this. Me, Gaser.

I haven't. really zero zero yeah i'm going to say this is probably i think this question was a joke yeah however there's people out here who live with this yeah all right this isn't the joking matter yes for those who are rocking a baby carrot yep all right i'm hung like a light switch so i get it i can't think of anything that i could care less about right metaphorically the big balls that's well that could actually get you in trouble too in those worlds but yeah i could care less about what type of package you have and I only really care about the performance that you have. Right.

Anybody who is like in the shower or checking other dudes out, you're going to have issues. Yes. Agreed. And the issues are getting your ass beat by the people that you're, as you aptly described, meat gazing. Yeah, meat gazing, yeah. And then there's the weird, did any of you guys, have any of guys ever worked for somebody who just enjoys being naked because it makes other people uncomfortable?

Yes. Yes. Travis Smith. Does he really? Most of the time. I went through selection with a guy. it was an officer and he was like a D1 wrestler and he used to like to just just run around naked run around naked and then wrestle oh wrestle naked yeah uncomfortable right on no it's actually

not it's not right on at all from a law enforcement perspective Nelson any issues with package size negative yeah none at all yeah it's not even something that I want to think about now do we have advice for this person not in the military world, but since we are relationship experts, do we have any advice to offer in that world? Just get really good at eating pussy. Okay. Just do that.

Okay. I don't have anything to add to that. Use your fingers. Oh, fuck. The DMs are not going to be pretty. It's going to be so good. You probably deleted that one. That was like a three followers, private and no profile picture.

Correct. But so he had to send it to Andy. It's full auto. Yeah. I mean, I'll do my best. You could have answered this, Brian. I could answer what? I did answer it.

What are you talking about right now? No, you could have answered it before. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Come on. Yeah, I didn't have to forward it to Andy. Question number two. Slightly changing gears.

Yes. Love your show for the most part. And while I disagree with you on a lot of points, I still respect your opinions, especially when you push back on the full auto Friday Brian Bishop episode on various conspiracies. I love this. I believe is the issue that detonated your DMs, where you are hashtag racist, hashtag white

supremacist. Well, your podcast is not a political-based show. Current events and politics do come up. They do. I would say they come up when we get asked about them or something happens. The question I have is, why is the vast majority of active and former military members, and I'm going to throw law enforcement into this as well, as well as guests on show on the right. I consider libertarians on the right as well as they are just Republicans

that smoke weed. I guess we could discuss that. I disagree with that. I completely disagree with that. We can get back to that. Before your listeners go crazy and start calling me a bleeding heart liberal, I consider myself to be a centrist. However, I often find myself aligning with Democrats. Though I have not served, I love my country as much as those who have served and I'm concerned about the divisiveness and many echo chambers created in the last 12 years. a nutshell, why are people in the military and I'll add law enforcement? Why do they lean to the right? Or has it been your experience that they lean to the right? Because it has been my experience that they don't necessarily do. I would say that probably more than have to, but it was the

most diverse set of individuals from a political perspective, as diverse as anywhere else that I've ever been. Yeah, I've had a mixed bag of experience as well. Like I've had pretty good interactions with being surrounded by people that were kind of, you know, middle of the road, people such as myself. But I do see, I would agree with what they're saying is that it is a, it is a trend that most, I would say from the outside looking in, it's probably, you know, it is viewed that a lot of, you know, people that are first responders, military, are of a conservative nature and do lean right. What I would say about that is, you know, I don't know if it's so much as the leaning right as it is that a lot of times the left is very opinionated about

those jobs and how they should be conducted. And I would defer to Nelson since he is a law enforcement officer. Like, it's a fucking hard job. I don't, I would not want your job. I would not, mainly because I would shoot motherfuckers all the time. I'd be like, what? You don't want to comply. You're going to attack me?

No, you're dead. I will shoot you. I don't want to fight. Fighting is painful. I don't want to like the recovery times and like, and just dealing with. dirtbag humans. It's a fucking super hard job. And what I find distasteful and while I find myself, you know, maybe leaning right if that's what people want to say is, is because I support, I support those career fields. I support law enforcement 110%. Like I've said, we've discussed it

several times. It's the glue that keeps the country together. And frankly, like, from what I've seen that is a trend in my opinion is that you get a lot of people on the left in the Democratic Party. will be very opinionated. You should have done this. You should have done that. How about you stop being a Monday morning quarterback because your ass wasn't on the line? It's not 2 a.m. and snowing and you're not in a fucking physical confrontation with two people that are trying to kill you right now and you're like calling for backup. So I just, I don't have any room for it, especially with the, you know, in regard to what we do in the military aspect. Well, they should have done this. They should have done that. You guys should practice more diplomacy. Well,

Those comments usually come from people that have not put their life on the line. They've never served anything greater than themselves, and they've never been outside of the country and had to deal with an adversary or a tough situation or a maybe a local population that they didn't understand customs and cultures and had to now navigate a difficult situation. And all those things come into play. And I think that where I think where the big disconnect is, is if I were to make a guess, would be the constant stream of judgment surrounding those career fields

from people that have absolutely no experience doing them. I mean, I think that's all fine and well. I guess the question would be, why do you think that the military? And actually, first Nelson, would you, not that I think you guys go around canvassing each other's political, beliefs much like in the military. It was probably one of the last things that ever came up. What would you say in your experience, the law enforcement community? Do they, are they trending right? I would say they are. Yeah. And why would you say that that is? Well, I think Brian hit a good

point. It's a lot of experience. And I mean, one of the biggest issues with the right versus left, I mean, there's a lot of them, but gun control is a huge thing. And a lot of law enforcement officers believe in personal carry, personal protection. And because we can't be there for a lot of, you know, in Montana here, we have a rural area and we, there's a lot of people that it's going to be a long response time. So we believe in personal protection and personal carry. And that's a huge contention amongst people. So that's a big division. But beyond that, I think you're right that a lot of people don't understand what it takes to do law enforcement perspective here. what it is to do the job and that's fine like we're good with that but um most of the dudes that

i sit around in the squad room and like the guys that i work with um whether they're right or left it's more issue-based i would say and it tends to be right you know and i'm just and i wonder if it's i wonder if i hate using the terms right and left because it's idiotic and it immediately creates division just talking about yeah i don't i don't dig it at all either but i wonder if it's just the traditional, in air quotes, core beliefs of somebody who leans a little bit farther to the right that drives him towards an occupation like law enforcement or military? I don't have a great answer as to why. I think, sorry. No, go ahead. I think it revolves around a lot of careers, too. Like my buddies that work at the hospital, it's a lot of left kind of people. And same thing in schools,

a lot of teachers. And but you can't, you can't peg anybody into one position. One of my buddies at the hospital. He's he's like bashing his head against the wall. He's like, I can't believe these guys think we should lose our gun rights or lose. But I think it's maybe your culture, you know, when I was young and started in law enforcement, the people I see myself around and the guys I want to be like, have these views. Maybe that kind of like dictates where I go in my mindset. Same thing in a hospital, maybe. They're the vaccine, you know, like friendly people and not that the vaccine is is the way, is the division but um just that idea is you are kind of who you surround yourself with and a lot of guys are um meat eaters yeah a lot of law enforcement you know and uh and like i said before i don't know

about you guys in leo like politics really doesn't come up i could 100 percent i mean it might be that there are more people who land on that side of the political aisle but that i mean i really don't care and there might be more of those people but i hope that especially the person who wrote this question understands there is every version of political and religious belief ethnicity like fill in the blank in the military like it all exists there's plenty of people who are uh i can think of like four or five people at the top of my head who are as far left is before you start getting i would say to the extreme left that i served with no issues what i could care less never was on target and looked up like you fucking democrat pussy it's like same thing with we're sitting your name on a list you're

Just like, hey, man, you want to get through this and never talk about politics? Dude, it's the same thing with wiener size. You look at their, their opt tempo and not, and not. I have people that are lean really hard left, and they're some of my closest friends, and I love them dearly. Same here. We have very spirited conversations, but they're great exchanges, and I never walk out of that conversation being like, fuck you. I'm done with you. It's mutual respect.

Here's one thing that I do worry about, and this person brought this up, and that is the, I'll speak for my own community. There's a couple of dudes that have me really concerned because they're so fucking deep down the conspiracy theory hole right now. And I used to really think that that wouldn't be likely, even possible would be a term that I would use because we rewarded critical thinking and objectivity and living in reality. And I'm talking down like the deep cue hole. Yeah. It's amazing some of the posts.

Like I actually responded to one of the posts not too long. go and I was like, hey man, if you just want help finding a mental help therapist, let me know. Because not only I, but every person reading this thread would probably be willing to point you in the right direction. And I had to read the post. It was like a 15 bullet point. And this was right before the election. It was all the things that were going to happen.

The emergency broadcast system. We're doing Zoom calls with generals. And I'm just scrolling through this like, dude, how did you used to do? So that I understand. like the person's concern because what I have noticed, and this is probably true of the LEO world too, if you're recognizable from that world, people will give more credence to your opinion and they shouldn't necessarily do that. Right. Correct.

Because there are some dudes who are off the res. So I can understand that concern. And I would just say always use with caution, your source of information. Being a vet or a cop actually doesn't make you unique or special, nor does it give you insight into issues like politics as the conversations between you and I, Brian, would absolutely highlight. You're right. I mean, I like to go down the rabbit hole just for a pure entertainment standpoint. For fun. Yeah. This person's not joking. The one that I'm talking about who made that post. Yeah. They're not joking. Yeah, there's people that have their tinfoil hats screwed to their

skulls. So I completely, I've been partied to some very interesting conversations and read some amazingly absurd things online myself. So, but it's fun. I look at it as a form of entertainment and realistically like, I do until those people develop a following and then they have other people follow them down the cue hole. And I'm using the cue hole as an example of something that is current. And I like saying it. It's the cue hole.

You're going, I'm assuming you're referring to the Q and on Q hole. Yeah. That's why I say the Q hole because I wasn't exactly sure. I don't know if it was Kannon. or Qanon. So I'm keeping myself safe. Do you have any Elio buddies that are like in their patrol car like fashioning their tinfoil hats? You guys catch you?

I think so, but they don't, they don't tell me. You know, because around the table, like at the squad, you know, like nobody gets that deep. It's when the three of us are together around the campfire, we can kind of like dip in. Yeah. But again, it's a lot of respect. And that's where opinions are valued. is if you see, like I was saying, brand new dude, getting hired. I look at the guys carrying the weight and I'm like, oh, I want to be like that guy.

And this is kind of his line of thinking. You start, you start like evaluating things. Yeah. That's it. You know. And lastly, let's touch on libertarians just being Republicans that smoke weed. I disagree. I completely disagree with him.

Yeah. I don't. And to be honest, and this is just me speaking, when somebody will reach out with a message like that, when they put a little breadcrumb in here like this, it gives me insight into who I think that we're, not that we're interacting. Yeah. But it's like if you think that, cool, think whatever you want to,

but we have very different views of the world. And I have to flavor, not flavor, I have to partition my answer or think about, I have to take on board that you are describing it that way because we have a philosophical disagreement in how we view the world, which is fine. But it does change how I view the question because that's not, in my opinion, what the libertarian necessarily party or people that describe themselves at that, that they're not Republicans that smoke weed.

No. Even though I'm fine with Republicans that smoke weed, also Democrats. You shouldn't smoke weed because you're a cop. I do not. Speaking of, weed is now legal in Montana. It is. So recreational and medicinal? Correct.

So you guys can do nothing. I mean, correct. That's what I thought. Perfect. Long time listener, first time caller. I've been listening to you guys, the influencers, in parentheses, for a long time now. And one thing that I continue to hear is take emotion out of decision making. I love this.

It's probably some of the best advice I've gotten as an adult. But my question to you is, how? How do I remove emotion from decision making when so many of the issues I deal with are based in emotion, i.e., I am not happy with my career. My kids are driving me up a wall. I don't love the town that I live in. My coworkers are annoying. It seems that all of these scenarios are based in emotion. And thanks to you, I have come to recognize that I have made so many life decisions based on emotion.

What are some tools I can use to look at things more objectively and less emotionally? Bishop. Hmm. Well, I've been getting a lot of these in DMs lately. Very similar questions to this. And what I have been telling people is we all have choices. We're living in emotional time. It doesn't surprise me.

Yeah. Yeah, remove the emotion out of things. But you are, it goes back to the self-looking ice cream cone concept. A lot of people are their own issue. A lot of people are their own problem. A lot of people can't get the fuck out of their own way. So, you know, if you find yourself hating your job, go get a new fucking job. If you don't have any skill sets because you're in a vocational thing and you don't have a degree and you need to learn a new skill set, guess what?

Do your job. Then go to night school or get online. Get on YouTube. Go take online classes. Do whatever it takes to learn a new skill set to get a new job. Okay, stop being lazy. Do the fucking work. If you don't like the relationship you're in, sit down with that person, air your grievances. If they don't want to fix it and it's not serving you and it's ruining your life, fucking leave. You know, problems with kids. Child rearing is one of the hardest things on planet earth. So, I mean, that's a, you're going to have to work hard to shore those things up. you hold everybody holds the keys to their own prison so you have the ability to solve your own issues or sit there and live in them and be miserable if that's what you choose to do and I don't recommend that

like get up and you know figure out how to be a value add to yourself and fix these situations that you're in and live a higher quality of life but don't sit around and whine about it or write fucking emails about it and what should I do what should I do take action you know what do it for yourself. You've got an internal compass. You've got some people don't know what to do so they seek advice. They're seeking your advice. Right. You're fucking asshole. I mean, talking shit to the person that's riding to you for help. I like it. I like it. I'm sorry. You suck. Shut the fuck up. I've been dealing with it. Nelson. Nelson, how does it? I actually see emotions not serving law enforcement officers. Not at all. Here's the thing though. I think people

will hear that and they'll say, oh, they need to be emotionless, which is a mistake because you can't an autonomous robot. But I mean, you, you can describe it in whatever terms because I've never been a cop. But I feel like you probably arrive in emotionally charged situations pretty much every time that you're going somewhere, lights and silence. Yeah, often. I mean, how well would it serve you if you came into that emotionally charged as well? Not well. And you see it with a new guy's, but as you do you the job, you learn to like pull that out and look at the facts. And you triage the problem. And I think that's what this dude needs to do. Like write out maybe, like let's say job.

Could be a woman. How do you know what's that dude? Yeah. 100%. My bad. They down. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not used to this. Okay. Obviously not. So I would say don't be a settler. Don't, don't, uh, don't settle. Don't have buckles on your shoes. Yeah. Also known as a settler.

See what I did there? I gave that one to you. You did. I'm not saying you did. But write it down. You don't like your job. Write that down. Look at the answer to fix it.

You know, I mean, that's, and I do the same thing on, on, on, hey, hasn't snowed in a week. Let's find some snow. Well, let me ask you this. You show up at emotionally charged environments. You probably are going to notify people of deaths. You're going to car wrecks where there's carnage everywhere. I have no doubt that that affects every single person who wears a badge.

I guess my point being when I ask you about the emotion, it's not that it doesn't affect you. You just don't let it affect you in the execution of your job. Correct. You can't have to deal with that, right? You're a human being. You have to bleed that shit off. And that would be my answer to this person. And everything they describe, like my coworkers are annoying.

Yeah, cool. I mean, I get that. So you have time. You have time to answer that problem. So time will, you know, calm the emotion, hopefully. So my coworkers are annoying. We don't have to deal with that that second. Like, back off.

That is what I was going to say. Yep. Don't make a decision because you're annoyed. You can separate. It's okay to have an emotional reaction. My coworkers are annoying. Roger that. I don't love the town that I live in.

Got it. My kids are driving me up a wall. Welcome to the show. I'm not happy with my career. All those emotions are great. What I'm saying when I say detach emotion from your decision-making process is don't get annoyed or frustrated or unhappy and then make a decision because of that emotion. Like you said, you have time.

Let's take one of your examples, death notification. I have time. I know that I'm doing something that's going to be super emotional on a person that I'm giving this info to. Talk into the microphone. I'm going to slap you. And. And so let's triage that problem.

And let's look at the contingencies. And I'm going to try to identify every problem that I'm going to face when I'm doing this job. And I'm going to take a motion out of it. And when I deliver this news, hopefully I've thought of the problems that's going to come up. Maybe I'll get Chaplin there. Maybe I'll get some other, you know, I'm going to try to identify the problem and then provide the solution with thinking clearly about it. Same thing with my kids aren't acting, you know, the way I want them to. Same thing, you know.

You don't have to scream at them. If you're getting hot-headed, remove yourself from the environment, come back in. Totally. Yeah. I worry that when people hear me say remove emotion from decision-making that they hear be emotionless. And that is, that to me is a mistake. I think emotions are a beautiful thing and they make as human. That's what makes the best cops.

Well, yeah. And I'm just, well, yeah, because you can be empathetic and understanding. and I'm just saying we've all been there. Like I've been so pissed that my face is red and I want to just lash out. And that is, I think I was talking to me the day, emotions are terrible leaders, but they're great followers. So don't let your emotions lead and make decisions in that environment. Don't do something because you're annoyed. Deal with being annoyed.

Then make the decision. Yeah, pump the brakes. Yeah. I mean, you do a pretty good job of it. I've seen some emails hit your phone that you were, I watched you turned a few different shades of colors and I was like oh man this is gonna be bad and you've done a good job of like see the dots on the other end and then they disappear and then two hours later the the text but I've learned you know how do I've learned because I have fired off emails just with my thumbs

oh we all we all they fucker and then nothing good comes from it no so now it's I'll get heated and if I for me it's pretty easy like my face will get flush I'll feel my pulse increasing I'll put the phone away and force myself to go do something for a couple hours come back, type out whatever I need to type out, read it a second time to make sure that there is no implied tone that I didn't even recognize and then hit fire away on that thing. Oh, bro, that's thorough. I've made some mistakes over email. Let's just leave it at that. Okay, moving on to a lighter subject.

21 years old and have a younger brother that is 17. When I went away to college, for my freshman year, my dad began being verbally abusive to him while he was the only child in the house. My younger brother, in eighth grade at the time, began having signs of depression and harmful thoughts. My dad is extremely egotistical, points the finger at everyone, and has never thought he was wrong. After four years, my younger brother recently opened up about these thoughts and feelings to my parents and is currently seeing a therapist for help. In a recent argument, my brother told my dad that he was the cause of his severe, that he was, or he was the cause of his severe depression and mild anxiety that he was diagnosed with.

My dad told him he is a liar, making it all up and guilted him that he should look in the mirror and be thankful he is paying for his therapist. My mom does her best to be an intermediary and she does the best she can. I experienced a more mild extent of this behavior when I was a younger teenager and talk with my brother daily about the problems he is facing now that I live from home because of COVID. My question for you is, how do you get a person like my dad to merely make an effort to understand the way my brother is feeling? And is it possible to make him realize that he is the problem? Thank you for any advice and thank you for your shared knowledge. I would say in every human interaction, there's three versions. There's one person's version, the other person's version, and then where they converge is maybe where the truth lies.

And so those three stories are sometimes very difficult to arrive at from the opposite sides of the fence. So it can be very difficult to deal with something like that. I would say I have a similar situation with my mother where, you know, my real father, like, beat the tar out of us. And, you know, my mom left him when we were nine years old. But I got the shit kicked out of me, got my face shoved in dog shit, got beaten with an extension cord until I looked like a tiger. My brother got beat with an aluminum vacuum cleaner extension.

And my mom was so traumatized by that and so guilt filled by that that she, you know, I was dating a girl one time and I had confided in her and told her what had happened during my childhood. And she discussed it with my mom. And my mom was like, that never happened because my mom is so traumatized by it, has never been to therapy, has never dug into that. Like she just buried it. And she completely refuses to acknowledge that any of that stuff happened. And so I've had to deal with those frustrations too. So, you know, and I've gone to my mom and confronted her about it. And then she instantly goes to the moon and gets super combative about it.

And so I would say that you would, you know, the best thing you can do is just try to be as emotionally neutral and something that is that fiery of a topic. Approacher, you know, maybe it's best for him to approach his dad and talk to him about it and not the brother. Because the brother immediately throwing blame. And the brother, would you say he's 17? We have a 17-year-old brother, 21-year-old writing the email. Yeah, and when you're young and immature, you're going to have super emotionally charged. You're not going to be well in control of your emotions. And so that, to me, sounds like a recipe for, you know, constant fighting.

That sounds like a self-licking ice cream cone situation right there. So I would say maybe it's the, you know, whoever wrote the email, the older brother, maybe you approach the father, try to peel it apart with him and say, hey, I'm concerned about this dynamic in our family, dad. We really love you. but here's kind of how we see the situation. And realistically, like you, you know, the old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

If he's just going to be completely, you know, adamant that nothing is his fault and have the wall up, well, then, you know, you're going to be very limited on, you know, how you can deal with that situation. And you may just, you know, as much as I hate to say this, you have to limit your, you know, exposure where you can to that topic or maybe your relationship. Like I keep my family. I can only do them in very small doses now because my family was largely very unsupportive of everything I did my whole wife, talked a lot of shit. You know, I've had to just, you know, they're very close-minded. They don't believe in, you know, they live in their little lane where Fox News and Facebook like is the gospel.

And I just can't, I can't do it. So I have to do them in doses. I love my family. I like to spend time with them. But I have to very much do it in doses to maintain my own. own mental health. So if, you know, that may be something that you have to do. Nelson. Jiu-jitsu, bro. Jiu-jitsu. I'm not sure how that ties in exactly to this question. So the question was, how do I get my dad to realize his faults, basically? Essentially. Yeah. So you

can't. So his brother is going to have to learn how to move himself and not the opponent. Now I understand what you're saying. Yeah. What Nelson is saying is that in jiu-jitsu, it's better off to try to move yourself than somebody else. Yeah. So the dad is agreed with Brian, man. In the way the question set up, the dad's the problem. And you may not ever make the dad see that he's got the issues. But what you can do is support the brother. It's good. He's in therapy. It sounds like they're close. They're tight. He's out of the house. The one right in the email. Yeah. So be the best bro you can be and teach him how to live for himself and fend, like, in a way, fend for himself and move himself, like, to support his decisions and understand that his dad's probably not going to change.

Yeah, I don't know if I have much to add because I think you guys covered it. It's human beings are flawed. Like I look at myself, my relationship with my dad, my parents, other people. As I get older, I have much more empathy for people in subpar behavior or what I would consider subpar behavior because I've had enough experiences with myself. But, and I think you cover this pretty well, Brian, it's, this person may never come to that realization. And if somebody's an asshole, if your dad is an asshole, that's completely on him.

But if you recognize and realize the damage he can do and you're willing you put yourself in that situation over and over again, that's on you. Right. You know, so in as much as I hate to say this, you might have to, you might have to end the relationship with your dad. My father and his father had a very interesting relationship. They ended up not being able to speak for, oh, man, I want to say at least 10 years. I was at my, the last thing I really remember of my grandfathers, we were at his house Christmas Day. And I remember the lights from the cop cars outside because he called the cops on us as his family at his house.

And that was the end of it. And my grandfather passed without, I think, he and my dad talking. And one of the main reasons I've talked to my dad about this is he didn't want his family exposed to that environment. And they had had a, I'm speaking for my dad a little bit here, but I think he would agree, a contentious relationship throughout the course of their life. And it got to a point where he was like, listen, here's my line on the sand. I now have a family. It's a negative influence. We're fucking done.

And that might be what you have to do. You know, my theory on family is it's about how people treat you, not the blood that courses through your veins. I don't give a shit about DNA because if a person with that DNA is whipping you with an extension cord fuck that person. Right. You know.

Agreed. Yeah. And don't be like this whole dynamic, you know, because I got told forever in my brother, you know, him and I don't speak. Very similar situation.

I love my brother to death. However, he has issues that he has not dealt with from his past that create massive contention upon between us. And he's not able to articulate his feelings in a, in a diplomatic way.

So it always, it always explodes, you know, and then the volcano burns down the village and, like, destroys every, the village for the, you know,

like the whole family gets together and we're trying to have a good time. And then, you know, my brother gets a little too heavy handed on the, on the whiskey, and then it just,

it turns into World War III. So, you know, family dynamics are super, super hard, tough to navigate sometimes. I would say, though, if we're going to give, like, maybe the dad,

the benefit of the doubt, and he is paying for the therapy, like, and, providing and like doing a good job in that regard. Like maybe give him some credit and try and maybe view the world through his lens and establish like another angle to look at the situation from so that that will build maybe a bridge of empathy to that person to your dad.

And then maybe that'll make the situation easier to navigate when you start that communication process to address the issue. You guys ready for the last question? Hammer. Shifting gears. Two weeks ago, my brother committed. suicide. I was in the other room when I heard him yell fuck and then the gunshot. I ran into his room and helplessly watched my brother bleed out from both sides of the holes in his head.

I can't get this image out of my mind. It is so hard to sleep. I've barely been eating. I've lost seven pounds. I tried to go back to jihitsu and could not focus. Same goes for work. I never put too much thought into veterans reacting to fireworks, but then I heard a firework go off the other day and it was like I was reliving the moment of when I heard the gunshot and then was looking down over him. As someone who has seen combat, how do you carry on life with these images in your head? Ooh, okay. Heavy. A very heavy and spicy last question. But I think the people at this table are pretty well

suited to answer this. I mean, how often do you come across dead bodies or suicide? Lots. That's what I'm saying. It's not an uncommon thing. And in my opinion, it leaves a mark. It might be a soft touch or it might be a very deep bruise. They can come out later on. And I think it's a totally valid question. I am going to assume that this person, this is the first death that they have probably been proximal to. And that can leave a mark.

And obviously it's his brother. So an even deeper mark. Yeah, that's a whole super deep can of worms. I would say if you're not doing this already, go to therapy. And without knowing too much of the details, try and remove the guilt because that was, you know, at least speaking from my own personal experience, like when I had people die in combat or I had friends that killed themselves and I spoke about my one friend that killed themselves like two days after I talked to him. I carried guilt around for a long time. Like I could

have done more. I should have done more. I should have, you know what? Fuck it. I should have just packed my bag instead of giving him options and I should have just showed up at his house and I should have moved in with him and took care of him. And I didn't. And two days later, he was dead. So navigating that though, you know, doing what I've done in like in terms of the spiritual work that I've done and like the therapy that I've gone through looking back on that now it's um you have to you can't blame yourself for somebody else's decision making process your brother chose to make that choice don't put that don't carry don't put that on your shoulders okay and I know that's super super probably impossible for you to swallow right now you're going to be super hard in the guilt paint

right now like you could have fucking done something but the real reality is you couldn't have you couldn't probably have affected that situation if you could have then your brother, you know, it would be a different story. But it's not he chose to make that choice. And, you know, in terms of like dealing with that, it's going to be a long process. It's going to be a long road. This isn't going to be over tomorrow or next week or whatever.

I mean, I don't, you know, can't speak for you guys, but I still carry, you know, the deaths of, you know, my friends and people that I served with and suicide with me. It's in my cargo pocket every day. So get comfortable with it, but try not to go down that. Try not to pick up. up that guilt and carry that with you and go to therapy go to therapy do the work and process and don't be afraid to like plug in with your emotions and like have those thoughts Nelson on a somebody in

occupation that probably touches death on a regular basis yeah man we see it we see it front and center but the difference is um the emotional um friendship you know i i don't know a lot of the people that I'm going to deal with. And for my buddies that have died in avalanches and Bear Tacks and, you know, the Montana way, it weighs heavy on my heart. And, dude, that's a hard question. But I would say, yeah, Brian, you hit it head on, continue or start therapy. And that's the first thing.

Stay away from things that you know are bad for you. Like alcohol, this is a time where you could dive down a hole that wouldn't, it would be creating bad habits. man that's a tough deal but there's no easy answers you mentioned jih Tutsu in there and man I we know somebody in our community that

had some death and they were back on the mats the next week with their son dying and I think it was super therapeutic for him and I don't know I haven't dove into that with him but I think it was good for me to see him there we didn't we just bumped hands and rolled after class you know

So I think that would be, if he's been doing jiu-jitsu for a long time, I think that would be a good thing to continue on. Because it just get your mind off things, you know. But I don't have anything extra. I mean, you hit it therapy. Stay away from things that you know are bad. And if you need some extra help, there's, I know there's chaplains out there and there's people like that that are there to listen.

Yeah, take advantage of whatever resources you have. And like, you know, Nelson says, physical activity is great. Physical activity and then therapy. And dudes aren't going to judge you. Like, you know, like we had that one that was super close to our family, meaning the jiu-jitsu family. And we like bump hands and like I just feel for the guy.

You know, I'm not going to talk to him about it. Like unless he wants to open up and, and, but I think the sweat's good. Yeah, the only thing I would add is to this person is right now those images are probably the most vivid thing in your mind. and I can only speak for myself and maybe you guys would agree but those images for me I've never been able to completely put them down

but they've faded over time yeah time heals but they'll come back sometimes and that's okay and the advice that I would add to what you gave is when they do come back let work through it as opposed to avoiding it and if it wrecks you emotionally

or you're watching a fucking movie about puppy dogs or whatever it is and you start crying like cool it's okay and just expect that that stuff will probably happen it'll soften over time, but it's probably never going to go away. So how do you carry on life with these images in your head?

You do the best you can. And I mean, like I said, the only advice I would give is just don't expect them to ever go away. You're going to learn to live with them. And the best way that you can do that is to accept the fact that they're going to be there and work your way through them the best you can. Yeah, I mean, it's just like any, to me, it's like any physical injury you would get where you know, you break a leg. You've got to go get a doctor to help you out, resplit, you know, x-ray.

it's resplunt that sucker and then there's going to be healing time and there's going to be rehab and it's the same thing with emotional and mental trauma like there's going to be time you're going to put have to put the time in to heal there's a hill yeah there's a hill in front of you yeah yeah yeah for sure you're going to have to climb that sucker and get over the top of it and like you said it will it will get easier with time but it will not go away so if you're looking for some like magic bullet answer where you're like hey does this ever go away it does not in my experience it does not no it doesn't closing thoughts gentlemen that was it But it was very uplifting, Fuller Friday.

We've had some pretty good ones. Some pretty spicy. We opened hard in the paint. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And then closed. It was good.

Softer. Pretty hard to. When are you going to get back on the mats? I went to a class a couple of times before I took off to go to Washington. So I'm trying to chip through those foundations classes that I got kicked back to. And then I don't think you got kicked back to them. Nobody just understood that you never started them. So it wasn't as if you had begun.

them and then we're sent back. It was as if you were like, hey, here's a seminar. I'm in, coach. Well, you kind of, to Brian's credit, you kind of set him up for that. You're like, hey, yeah, come with me to this thing. And he's like, okay. And he finds out it's the golden key to Jiu-Jitsu. It went okay. I mean, yeah, everything went great. I was loving my journey where I was at all of a sudden. And then people were like, why don't you have a stripe on your belt yet? And I'm like, it got worn off. I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. They're like, well, you're supposed to get a stripe after foundations. And I was like, what's that?

And they're like, all the beginning. And they're like, how did you get into Cap and all the other clap? I'm like, Andy told me to do it. Andy invited me and I just showed up. Yeah, Andy doesn't really know the procedural. I busted Nelson one day with Travis because he was like getting tape. I was taping my fingers. Travis!

I had it like stretched out. Nelson's taping his own belt and he like looked over. I had nothing to say. And it was. And Travis thought I was taping you. Yeah. Putting a stripe on your belt. It was awesome.

That's it, gentlemen. That's this Friday. Yeah, good stuff. Awesome. Cool. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thanks for taking the time to tune in, whether you're listening on an audio-only platform or you're watching on YouTube. I appreciate that you take the time every week to tune in.

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