Cleared Hot - Powered By BRCC - Full Auto Friday - Round 44

Episode Date: March 12, 2021

Rapid-fire Q and A submitted from the listeners! A variety of topics with a five-minute time cap per answer. 1. Parking spaces, insults, crutches, and violence 2. Should I light myself on fire to keep someone else warm 3. I am being transferred to an OIC role, how can I best support my new unit 4. All I can see are my mistakes and how far short I fall in comparison to my peers 5. What is the question that no one asks you, but should Enjoy Join me on the Stereo app Tuesdays and Thursdays: https://stereo.com/andystumpf212

This episode of Fallout Friday is brought to you by the stereo app. And if you're thinking to yourself, hey, Andy, what is the stereo app? Well, don't worry, I'm going to tell you. It's a newer app that has thousands of live social conversations. And there are a wide range of genres for you to choose from, news, comedy, sports, and more. You get to choose whether you want to be a co-host if you can find. You can actually create your own show. You could be a co-host if you want.

Or you can participate as a guest via a live, direct. interaction, recording a question and submitting it to the hosts, or you can just listen in on exclusive conversations. If you're a fan of the podcast, specifically the Friday episodes, the Q&A, I am hosting for the indefinite future on Tuesdays and Thursdays what I'm going to call the cleared hot after party. So I'm going to sit down with some friends and we're going to engage with the audience. I'm going to bring a few questions to the table, but one of the favorite things about this app for me is that we can answer questions live. You can submit. And in real time, you're going to get an answer, assuming that your question is appropriate.

Like I said, join me every Tuesday and Thursday. Traditionally, it's been going down at 4 p.m. Mountain Standard time, but let's leave opportunity for that to change. But Tuesday and Thursdays are locked into place. And if you don't have the stereo app, the easiest way to get there would be go to my Instagram bio and click, click on the link in the bio or click on the link in the show notes. They're both going to take you to the same place. You can create a profile, follow along. Like I said, you can just listen or you can join in, or if you want to, start your own damn show. Like I said, Tuesdays and Thursdays for the foreseeable future.

Join me for the cleared hot after party. This episode is also brought to you by Benchmade Knives. They are headquartered in Oregon City, Oregon. They've been manufacturing high-quality cutlery for over 30 years, established way back, and the way, way back of 1987. Bench-made takes pride in the fact that they manufacture an heirloom product that has the potential to be passed down from generation to generation with proper use and care. Each one of their knives carries a limited lifetime warranty, and oftentimes people don't know this. They offer free sharpening and maintenance throughout the life of the knife. Benchmade puts a strong emphasis on family values and tradition and encompassing the people and

products that they create. They have a wide spectrum of product offerings. So whatever you're into, whether it's hunting, tactical, outdoor survival, everyday carry, whatever it may be. Benchmade makes it easy for you to dial on a knife that fits your lifestyle. Go check out what they have to offer at Benchmaid.com. And that's it. Let's dive into this sucker. I'm looking at danger close now. All right. We're digging right into this, ladies and gents. I've got my coffee. I've got my water. I've got snacks. And five questions for this Friday. Hopefully I make sense in at least one of these answers. Let's begin with a question about rage. This morning, I was pulling into the gas station to get a newspaper and some water.

There was an open parking space literally right next to the door of the store. Normally, I could care less about where I park. However, currently I'm on crutches due to a sixth and hopefully final ankle surgery. Damn, man or woman, that sucks. That's a lot. Back to the story. And the designated handicap parking spot is much farther away. Well, as I was pulling into the parking lot, or a parking spot, I should say,

Some jackass comes flying into the lot and swings right into it where he is facing directly at me. Two guys in the vehicle just staring at me as I'm pointing to my handicap placard on the rear view, hoping for some sympathy, nothing. They refuse to move. So I move, roll down my window to give them my two cents and basically say WTF. An F-bomb or five may have been used, but essentially I was told, just park right next to us. This isn't a handicap spot. and do pretty much fuck off.

I became enraged with fury. I'm already not a fan of people, and I may or may not have anger issues. So my question is, if you're on crutches and disabled, would going upside an asshole's head with said crutches be bad for him? Of course, I'm kidding, just venting here. I've pulled the quick snatch parking spot maneuver before, so maybe this is karma. But if I see a handicapped placard, I would have moved immediately.

Thoughts, besides telling me I should seek help. for my anger issues. Well, I think seeking help is never a bad idea, angle issues or not. You, I think largely this question comes in just because I think you know the right answer. You know, you already said in here that you're just kidding. But I like this question because it opens up the conversation about a few other things. We could talk about consequences. We can talk about proportional response.

We can talk about escalation. We can talk about violence. And we can also talk about letting go and forgiving grudges. I do a Patreon call on Mondays where yesterday one of the individuals asked about, you know, when do you give up a grudge? And I actually had read this question before we had that, and I answered it in the context of actually talking about this email a little bit. So before I'm not going to ramble anymore about that. Let's talk about this question. And the terms of consequences, although you say that you are kidding about getting out of your car

and, you know, smashing some asshole upside of the head with some crushes, go to YouTube and get a little creative with your search when it comes to violence. And you will see that there are people who are not kidding when it comes to this scenario. Now, first and foremost, it's interesting when you put a quarter of an inch of glass separating you between yourself and another human being, specifically on the road. somebody cuts you off, some type of offense that you take to a maneuver on the road. And I'm speaking about myself here too. It is amazing the level of dissection that I will do to individuals' family members,

to the individual driving the car, the very colorful and creative things that I have to say, that I would never say if we were in an elevator, which is, of course, my litmus test for whether or not you actually should say something to somebody. Don't say something to someone that you wouldn't say if you were trapped in an elevator, face-to-face. face. But you put that glass in between you and another human being and shit gets a little wild sometimes. I get it. Road rage is a real thing. It's actually something that they ask you about when you're going through your post-traumatic stress checklist. Not a checklist questionnaire. Like, do you get road rage? It's like, well, yeah, but it has nothing to do, I think, with post-traumatic stress. It's just that you get in a

car and you're moving fast and you have that barrier and shit can get wild. So I understand this question. and I struggle with it myself, but it leads to that conversation about potential consequences. Let's say that you actually played this scenario out, because there have been fistfights for sure over parking spots. I've actually seen them. I'm sure most people have as well. And if you haven't, like I said, go on to YouTube. So you pull up here, there's two people in that car and you're on crutches, and let's say that it goes beyond the situation that you were in. So you were talking from your car to their car. But let's say it goes, you're out of the car, and then both of them come out of the car. A little pushy, a little shovey, and you take one of these crutches and you crack this guy over the head with a crutch.

Now, there's two people you need to deal with here, obviously, but from your perspective, you are task saturated with smashing this dude's face with your crutch. Now, the other person, let's just say that this person happens to be a concealed carry permit holder. Let's say that you're in the state of Montana. I have no idea where you're at. I'm just going to assume this was Florida. So I'm not a lawyer. I don't know the absolute precise definition of what is considered a weapon or a lethal item. But if you are smashing somebody over the head continuously with a crutch, I'm going to assume it's a metal crutch, and an individual is there and involved in this situation and sees that, I think you're creeping very closely to that threshold. hold of self-defense. So let's play this out. That individual draws down and before you have the chance to stop, you are shot. Wounded, let's go even further. Let's say that you end up losing

your life. We've found ourselves at DefCon 5 over what? Let's trace this all the way back to what the actual origin is and we're talking about a parking spot, which you said right here, there was one right next to it anyway, which is the one that you actually. actually pulled into. I would love to say that's a truly hypothetical situation. However, real life has proven time and time again that it isn't necessarily. I don't think it generally goes or hopefully ever goes to the taking of a life, but physical violence, of course, could result in that. And the whole thing is, and the reason that I like this question is we can talk about why. Is it even worth it? Again, go back to the origin, potential loss of life

over a parking spot. In a parking lot that probably has many more spots. completely and utterly justifiable. And you went from DefCon 1 to DefCon 5 very drastically, almost as if there were no steps along the way. And that's what I was talking about when it came to letting go of grudges on the Patreon call. If there's a scale of 1 to 10 on a level of offense to you as an individual, and this is set for every individual. It could be you get accidentally bumped as a one in the shopping, you know, pushing a shopping cart

in grocery store, or your 10 might be the somebody comes in and kills a family member of you. Your ratio may be whatever it is. There's also a proportionality of responses with that from completely letting it go, accepting it, saying, excuse me, even though you didn't bump somebody to DefCon 5. When it comes to the actions that you take, you know, as you escalate up that continuum of responses, the potential consequences to those responses also escalate. And I think it's very easy to get emotionally attached to what's going on and lose the objectivity of how bad things can go quickly. When it comes to a scenario like this, who gives a shit if somebody gets your parking spot? In reality, it's not worth even entering that continuum of response. You said it

You said right here in your email. You've done this to people too. And guess what? So have I. So it happens to you. Laugh it off. Don't even participate or enter into this system. Move somewhere else, go somewhere else, and continue on with your day. And the reason I say don't participate in this system is that there were in your story three people, all of which that could escalate at a different level. And my theory and thoughts on these types of confrontations, specifically when they involve violence is that they should be avoided at all costs. You can win fights and still end up in the hospital. Violence is painful, even if you are completely justified and you are completely dominant.

Oftentimes, you're going to have some consequences from a physical perspective, maybe even from an emotional perspective of what happened, and why enter into that system? Just take it completely off of the table. Now, when it comes to letting go, let's say that they're a different type of offense. where higher up the scale, 7, 8, 9, 10, whatever it may be for you. Holding on to grudges and holding on to things like this, speaking for myself, it actually makes me sick. Like physically, I get, I spend emotional equity and capital capital, capital thinking about it.

I have a physical response to it. I can feel my heart rate escalating. I'll start sweating. I'll start gripping down on the steering wheel if I'm in a car, things like that. None of that is healthy for me, and none of that leads to a healthy end state. The road that I am on when I get into those places, it's not healthy. You know, personal relationships, relationships inside of families. There are things that I have been done to me, and I'm sure there are things that I have done to people that are very hard for them to let go.

And like I said, I try my best to let them go because I personally have a physical response to those things. it's not healthy. I absolutely believe in forgiveness and putting the burden of that the weight of what happened down. I struggle with it at a very deep level, depending on what it is. At a lower level of my personal continuum, it's not hard for me. At the higher level, it is very, very hard for me to do. And it's something that I'm consistently working on. But you have to realize there's a difference between putting it down and forgiving somebody and giving them a second chance. I do believe that everybody should be given a chance at forgiveness and redemption, but not everybody should be given a second chance. Maybe family is the toughest when it comes to this. There's some really negative

and toxic relationships that are possible when it comes to families. I wish families were always great things that they made loving documentaries about. They're generally and often not, in my experience, at least at a small level. But if somebody is consistently and constantly toxic to you, you can forgive them from who they are. But that doesn't mean you have to willingly engage with with them in any way, shape, or form. You need to be able to compartmentalize. If they're an asshole and it has a negative consequence on your life, they're responsible for their behavior

and it's their fault, they're an asshole. If you consistently go back and interact and engage with this person, that's on you. So forgiveness is great, putting this stuff down is great. It doesn't mean you have to give them a second chance. And again, that's why I like this question. We get the chance to talk about consequences, avoiding violence at all costs,

that continuum of responses from deaf DefCon 1 to DefCon 10. Again, like I said, I know that you sent this email in and you were doing so in jest. However, I've seen this personally escalated into violence and it's completely and utterly avoidable. Even a stupid little fist fight or a shoving match where somebody trips and whatever puts their hand back to catch themselves and breaks their wrist. Even look at that in comparison to what are we doing this for again? A parking spot and there were 30 more over here. So stay out of it. Don't let your emotions lead, right? They're terrible leaders. They're great followers. Let objectivity and logic lead the way in your decision-making process. Question number two, the subject line of this one grabbed me right away because it says, stupid people, hello, tell me more. What are we talking about? Hi, Andy, love your podcast, and I have a question for you. A hypothetical scenario. You are with a mate, so I'm guessing this individual is from Europe somewhere, perhaps Australia, hard to say. you are with a mate, say, besides a raging river, and your mate says, I am going in for a swim,

and you know if he does that he will definitely, in all caps, fucking drown. So you try and talk him out of it, but he goes anyway. Next minute, he is drowning and screaming for help, knowing full well that if you attempt to save this idiot, you will also drown. There are a lot of different scenarios, and I just use this one. as an example, but how would you deal with it? So first off, this is, these are like the questions where people will say, would you rather get into a knife fight or a gunfight? And I will say, are those my only two options?

Like, that's all I get. There's no option C because both of those suck. Both of these options suck as well. And the reality is this is an, this is a situation that you would have to stop before it began. If this individual, you know, like I'm looking at this when you say raging river, So I'm thinking Class 5 rapids, and I'm also not a rafter or a kayaker, so I don't know exactly what that means, except for the fact that when people talk about that, they talk about extremely high consequence, expert level of ability in the water and still having a potential to get utterly just destroyed or killed. So this, though, stupid person, as you described them, says that they are going to enter into that environment and they have absolutely no business doing. So the only option you have is to stop this situation before it occurs.

Because if they go into that water, and I mean, but let me take a step back. And I mean everything up to and including physical restraint. If I actually had a buddy who I knew who was unable to even, you know, handle themselves in a lake with no tides to worry about and no currents to worry about. And they're looking at class five and they think that they're going to jump into that. I am physically not going to let that happen up to and including. choking that individual unconscious and making sure that they don't go into the water. Because the end state is already crystal clear. You know what's going to happen.

And in a scenario that you laid out where you know that if you go in and try to help this person, you are also going to die, that's actually not helping anybody. They made the choice to enter in that situation. If you make the choice to also enter in that situation, knowing that the outcome will be that they will die and you will die, you've just drastically made things absolutely and utterly worst worst that's not even a word worse think of the impact on just the individual's family alone if they go in by themselves now think of the impact on your family as well the best you could do would be call to a higher level of help to try to get a rescue or not a rescue at this point likely a recovery and be there to help

facilitate that recovery. It's not going to help that individual and it's not going to help yourself if you enter into that environment. This is another scenario where, you know, one of the things that I really like is that you don't have to light yourself on fire to keep other people warm, right? And it's really harsh to say that you would sit there and allow that individual to drown. But if you willingly end your own life in a futile attempt to help somebody who put themselves in that situation, I don't know what to tell you. And again, this is why I go. back between options, you know, if I'm only given a choice between a knife fight and a gunfight, it's like, what the fuck, man? Can we have a de-escalation option? So my de-escalation option

would be, like I said, physically making sure that this doesn't happen, up to and including rendering this person unconscious in the most passive and peaceful way possible to make sure that they don't end their life. And then I would never, ever again, go somewhere with an individual like this because again, this goes back to the first question. Can you forgive somebody for this level of idiocy? Yes, you absolutely can. Do you have to give them a second chance to do something like this again? No, you do not. So if you know who you are dealing with and they're a known quantity and you've had a horrendous experience with it in the past, whose fault is it if you willingly enter into that experience again in the future? I would say obviously the individuals,

actions and behaviors are on them, but your choice to participate in that is 100% and absolutely on you. So in that example, that is what I would do. Both of the options that you gave me suck, so I created a third, and that's how I would handle it. Question number three, switching gears here a little bit. I have recently been transferred to an OIC role, which stands for officer-in-charge role of an aviation support unit. I have been a police officer for 27 years and know nothing about aviation. I am looking forward to the role and challenges of learning new things and leading a specialized small team. However, I do not know if I should complete a tactical flight officer's course to gain credibility and fill capability gaps or detach and just be an OIC and manager

exclusively. I am torn on how to proceed as a leader. There are pros and cons for both. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. I think you nailed it. There's pros and cons for both. And where I would start you off on your decision-making matrix is what is your department need? You have a great knowledge of the law enforcement career and profession. Obviously, 27 years. Thank you very much for what you do and have done. And you're being pushed over into a unit that you don't know anything about. I would talk to the individuals that are placing you in that unit. And I would also sit down and talk with the team that you are going to be the officer in charge of and figure out what it is that that team actually needs.

There may be a chance or an opportunity for you to go to that, what did you call it? It is a tactical flight officer's course. There might be a chance for you to do that, but right now your team might be totally staffed, and there may be no gaps in capabilities. So what they actually need is just an OIC who can lead and manage. And it might be better for you to start on that path of focusing on getting a true understanding of what the unit does, its capabilities, focus. focus on being that manager and getting your feet underneath you while leveraging the experience

of the people that are already on that team. So you truly have an idea of what the team can do and what they can't do. And maybe that is because of a staffing or capability shortfall. And then later on, dive headlong into the tactical flight officer's course should you need to. What I would tell you is, I suspect if you did go to the tactical flight officer's course, the people that you work with would definitely appreciate that because you would probably would develop a different level of direct communication. You'd be using terminology and speaking through the lens of shared experience as opposed to just the role of an OIC to somebody who's

boots on the ground or in this case boots in the air. I would say, well, first off, don't make them wear boots in the air. That's just uncomfortable. Maybe they can wear regular shoes, but I don't know. That's up to you guys. Pros and cons of both, very much like you said. But I would say lean towards learning your job, learning the roles of people. that work for you, managing them effectively, empowering them. And if you have the time a little bit later on, go to that course because it certainly will polish off your knowledge, base, and experience for your new role as it is. But start it all with, what does your team need? You know, maybe you're going there right now and they have a drastic capability gap. Maybe you need to dive right into that tactical

flight officer's course. And if you do so, don't forget, that's not why you're there, though. You're still there to be the OIC. So you're going to have to make that balance and you can't get so front-site-focused on that tactical flight officer's course that you lose track of what your actual job is. So play the cards as they are dealt to you and do the best that you can for the team that you are assigned to lead. And hopefully that helped you in some way, shape, or form. Two more to go. Here we go. I'm a water polo player in my junior year. And I'm going to assume this is high school. I think he comes, I think later on talks about high school. But if not, I'm going to assume this is high school. My freshman and sophomore year, I've been getting better.

but everyone around me always seemed to be better. Over the pandemic, I worked so hard in the gym, pool, and improving my grades. My season has just kicked off, and I thought this was going to be the year I showed everyone that I can kick ass. It started great. People noticed that I was huge now, fast and strong, and my parents love that I am doing amazing in school. But then, I started to perform the same as my previous years, making shitty mistakes and failing constantly during games and practice. I just now got informed that I would be playing varsity, but we'll have to move down to JV for a few games, which means I'm one of the bottom performing players.

Before this, I looked in the mirror, and I really thought I am no longer the skinny kid who is playing Frosh, which I think stands for freshman and sophomore, and felt proud of myself and what I worked for. Now all I see is the same failure from years ago. I don't know where to go from here. I don't hate my coach or any of my teammates, only myself. I work so hard and improve myself while my teammates partied, and yet I still fall behind them. There's so much I wish I could say, but as someone who described themselves as a sea athlete, did you ever have the feeling of disappointment or feeling that you're always going to fall behind your teammates? How did you overcome that feeling and move on with your life into the military?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and give me advice. I hope everything goes well with you, and I pray Mother Nature gives you a nice elk or deer to shoot the next time you're out hunting. That makes two of us. And also, if you listen to this and you live in Montana, don't forget, you have to get your tags in by April 1st. I forgot last year. No big deal. Over-the-counter general tag. It's fine.

All right. So to your question here, man, there is a lot to unpack. And there's a combination of things going on here. It sounds to me that you took the time to improve yourself. You were given, you know, the pandemic did some crazy stuff. And from the schooling perspective, I have no idea what state that you live in. But, you know, if it's in California where my sister and brother-in-law live, it was like, full stop, all schools shut down. Some people went the path that you described, where they were just kind of partying and hanging out.

You took the path that I love to see. You looked in the mirror. You saw where you want to be, and you dove headlong into it. So you worked hard in the gym and the pool and on controlling your grades. You focused on the things that you can control. One thing, you know, maybe a different way to view this. when it comes to sports. You know, one thing that you weren't able to do and focus on during that time period is the actual sport itself. There is a huge skill component when it comes to water polo. I played

water polo for four years. I know exactly what you're talking about. And every year, I feel like my skill level improved as I was getting more experience. And I mean, I weighed 150 pounds when I graduated at high school. I understand being the small person surrounded by peers who are more physically capable. I completely get that. You dove headlong to those things that you can control, but there is a huge skill component, communication component and teamwork component that you're really not going to get the opportunity to focus on until you're back practicing with your team. So the failures that you are describing, you know, shitty mistakes and failing constantly early during games and practice. That's the one thing that you weren't able to focus on. So

realize that and understand that. So you made drastic improvement on yourself. It's going to take a little bit of time for that team cohesiveness and your ability to sink into that team to catch up. So just maybe take a little bit of that burden off your shoulders. You said before this, I looked in the mirror and really thought I am no long the skitty kid who is playing Frosh and felt proud of myself and what I worked for. There's no reason at any time ever that that should change. You did work hard. You are already saying that people noticed that you are larger now. You're faster now.

You're stronger now. The mistake that you're making is you're comparing yourself from a physical perspective to your peers and only focusing on the difference there. You're not taking a look in the rearview mirror and prioritizing the difference between where you were and where you are now. And really celebrating the fact that you were able to make a drastic difference and then using that as inspiration or something aspirational to continue on in the future. I always used the athletes that I played water polo. I played water polo in baseball. I'd say water polo is a much more physical sport. I mean, there's no comparison between right field, kick and daisies, no offense to right fielders.

And, you know, playing, especially like a weekend water polo tournament, there is absolutely no difference in what is required physically. I worked. Why don't I say worked? I'll get to the military a second. I played sports with people who were vastly more physically talented than I. I was. And I viewed that as something that was aspirational. You know, some people, they just, they move through the water specifically better than others, whether it's the torso length or their limb length or whatever it may be. There are just people who will always move in the water better than I ever can. And that's the way that it is. But that doesn't mean I can't aim for that

level of capacity or competence. I may never get there, but I use it as a positive motivation because I know what's possible. Where you sabotage yourself, and you've already done this, is you're constantly measuring the distance between those two, as opposed to the incremental small steps that you are taking. So stop judging yourself against your peers and start judging yourself against your performance yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, and a year ago. It'll really, hopefully, help you recalibrate. And instead of feeling not good enough or beneath the people that you are working with or playing with, it'll just change that headspace and you can constantly just seek additional improvement. That's what I did when I went into the military. You know, I took that same

attitude of having the people that I worked, I keep saying worked, I mean played with, now I'm talking about worked with, the people I worked with in the military. If I'm being totally honest, I was in awe of my peers, especially when I first got into the teams. It's all I had ever wanted to do and I was surrounded by people who had been doing it, some of them for as long as I had been alive. I was in awe of them. The last thing that I ever wanted to do was let them down. So I watched what they did, and I put the effort in, and I tried to work as hard as they did, plus 10%, if you want to throw a number out there to it. They inspired me. I aspired to be who they were, and I did my best to not let them down. I did my best to, at the very least, help them

accomplish the goal of the team. And I hope at the end of my seal career, I would consider it to be successful if I left the teams slightly more capable than the seal teams that I went into. And that I leave up to the peers that I worked with. They have every right to judge me however they see fit. I'm not going to give myself a grade on that. So a lot of that, though, actually all of that has to do with how you view yourself. Okay. It's okay to measure yourself against your peers as long as it becomes a goal for you. It is not okay to constantly measure yourself against your peers and berate yourself and what was the exact words that you used. Now all I see is the same failure from years ago. You are far too young to have that headspace. So do the best you can

to flip that. Okay. The measuring tape is great. But really the only measuring take that matters is where you are today versus where you were yesterday and where you want to be a year from now. So try to change that headspace. You're far too young to have the level of failure. You have nothing but runway in front of you and let those peers, hopefully you're with them and they want to have their hand down that ladder pulling you up. And then realize also that there is somebody who is viewing you in the same way that you are viewing those other people. So if they are helping pull you up that ladder, make sure you take the time to turn around and pull somebody else up that ladder as well. Last question of the day. I think I have a pretty good handle on the questions

you get the most often, which leads me to this. What's the question nobody asks that they should? And what's the answer? Also unrelated, and in more than five minutes, how are you doing? So I'll do the first portion of this first. I get asked a ton of questions. And I enjoy them. And as I've just explained before, I try to pull, I'll pull from category so it's not incredibly repetitive. And I have no idea what the question is that somebody should ask me that they don't. I I appreciate the questions that people ask. And I guess the way I will answer this is far more important than any question that somebody could ever ask me would be the questions that they could ask of themselves.

And that is what I spend a lot of my time doing. Questioning, maybe not questioning. Asking questions to myself. I don't know about anybody else. I actually will talk out loud to myself. I wouldn't say often, but regularly. I'll ask myself a question and I'll talk my way through it. And I think that's a very important exercise.

Like I said, I totally appreciate every question that people ask of me. It's very humbling that people even want my opinion on things because I've said this before. I'm an absolute fucking idiot stumbling my way through life just like everybody else is. And I don't have a magic ball. And I have a limited amount of experience in certain areas from a military perspective. And other than that, all I can give is my opinion. And that's what everything is. I appreciate those things.

What I would say the most important questions people could ask are not to me, but are of themselves. And questions that I ask myself are, you know, am I doing the right thing? Am I, if I make a decision to do something, I will take the time to try to gauge my depth of why. Why did I make this decision? Am I being altruistic in the decision that I'm making and the choices that I'm making and the actions that I'm taking?

am I being a value add to the people that are around me? Am I a good person? Am I a moral person? I have, I spend a lot of time, well, not a lot of time. I spend about an hour back and forth each way coming from where I live into town. And I enjoy that time because I sit there with myself and I talk to myself and I try to get to the root cause. Not the root cause. That's not the right word.

I try to get to the root of who I am as a person. And those are the most important questions that nobody should ask of me, but I hope that they take the time to ask of themselves. So the external is great. I think the actual internal is more important. And everybody's going to have a different question that has meaning to them. To the second part on an unrelated and in more than five minutes, how are you doing? I don't know how to answer this. So, I mean, I can answer it in the perspective of the last 21 months at this point.

It has been, if I'm being honest, it has been the most difficult 21 months of my life. Pandemic was a portion of it. The divorce that I finalized a month ago was an experience that I don't want anybody to ever go through. It was the absolute right decision to make. I am a different person at the end of that process. I think I'm a better person at the end of that process. and I mean that from the perspective of I am in a different place, which I feel puts me into a position where I can be a better father for my kids and I can be more of a value added, more of a

whole human being to the people that are around me. But it was rough, you know, it was financially destructive. It was emotionally destructive at times. And it recalibrated my thought process on a lot of things. So overall, how do you? am I doing? Business is interesting. The pandemic affected me just like it did everybody else. Things seem to be trending back to new normal. I don't know what that's going to be, but it's stable at this point. So on a business side of the house, I'm doing okay. On a personal side of the house, you know, I have three children and my relationship with all three of them is very different. I wish it was drastically better with one of my kids.

And I'm consistently trying to figure out ways to work on that. And I've really had to focus my my horizon view on that relationship from what's going on today to what it's going to look like in six months to a year to five years. But I'm trying to reframe that and keep that in mind to be the best person I can be on that front. And, you know, one of the biggest things over the last 21 months for me that changed is I have a different perception on love. And maybe it sounds weird for people to hear me say that. But as bad as the last 21 months were, I feel incredibly fortunate and grateful for that experience as well, because it has recalibrated for me what love is. And largely that has come from meeting an amazing woman.

And she has been there for me. She has been a value add to me and a foundation for me to fall back on in the moments where I was absolutely struggling. and at my worst point. And I couldn't be more thankful for it. So I'm doing okay. And I'm doing, I have a different lens that I view the world through. And I'm hopeful. And I'm actually happier and more excited about the future than I think I've ever been.

And maybe that's a good way to end a full out of Friday. Instead of it down or we'll end it on an upper for potentially the first time ever. And that's it. See you on Monday with a conversation with a buddy mine. And I'll see you next Friday for a little bit more Q&A. If you're into that type of thing, I mean, you don't have to be. But see you then. Thank you again to the stereo app for sponsoring this episode of the podcast.

Like I mentioned, Tuesdays and Thursdays, the after party continues. Different guests. Same format-ish. Q&A, listen in, join in, whatever it may be. Tuesdays and Thursdays exclusively on the stereo app. Hopefully I'll see you there. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thanks for taking the time to tune in, whether you're listening.

on an audio-only platform or you're watching on YouTube, I appreciate that you take the time every week to tune in. People ask me a lot, what can they do to help me spread the word? And the answer is actually embedded in the question. The biggest thing you guys can do to help me if you enjoy the podcast and you think it would be helpful to others is subscribe and share it with other people. And if you have the time, go on to Apple Podcasts and leave me a rating and a review. If you think the podcast sucks, tell me it sucks and leave a zero star review or the lowest stars possible.

If you have a question, comment or suggestion, you can go to clearedhotpodcast.com. And there is a contact me button right there, which will land in my inbox. And the last thing, if people are interested in helping out, what you can do is fly the old flag. And by that I don't mean an actual flag because I don't have any of those. So I'm talking about t-shirts or sweatshirts or hats, whatever it may be. Again, clear todpodcast.com, click on the shop tab. And hopefully something in there looks like it would be an item you would like to wear around town. And then you could tell people what it is when they ask you.

But that is it. The biggest thing I can say is thank you. I truly appreciate it. Until next time. See you.