Club Random with Bill Maher - John Leguizamo | Club Random

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Starting point is 00:01:14 Shop online and get $15 in PC optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. How do you do it? Dude, it's not easy anymore. It's so shit. I used to have's not easy anymore. It's so shitty. I used to have a photographic memory. It's really?

Starting point is 00:01:28 Now there's a lens cap over it. I don't know. It's... The hottest women in the whole country. Yes, none of them would talk to you, but they were the hottest. No, they wouldn't. It's fantastic. Yeah, yeah! Sonny Boy here. Hi! Oh, oh, oh! I can't see you, remember Arsenio did you ever do that show yeah I did a couple times

Starting point is 00:01:54 yeah I love that how are you bro how you doing man I know your hand oh yeah I didn't want to mess your hands up right I wasn't already messed up. How you doing? Welcome to the left coast. Left coast is awesome, man. You like it here? I do like it. I won't live here, but I love it here. I love visiting and getting the fuck out. That's how I feel about New York. No. Why? Do I have to love New York to be there? I think you've got to kind of love New York because New York, come on, it's the cradle of

Starting point is 00:02:21 civilization. Well, it's certainly not the cradle of civilization. It is the cradle of civilization. Okay. In America, in America, and the world, and the cradle of civilization. It's certainly not the cradle of civilization. It is the cradle of civilization. Okay, it didn't even. In America, in America, and the world, and the world right now. America isn't all of civilization. We do know what the cradles of civilization are.

Starting point is 00:02:34 Were, were, I mean they're no longer. That's so chauvinistic. I mean, you know, you can love your city. You know your kids, look at my shirt. You, I get it, I know, I lived there twice. I'm from the area. My father commuted from New Jersey into New York every day. Oh, you're from Jersey.

Starting point is 00:02:51 Oh, that's not the same. That's not the same, come on. It's not, okay, it's not the same, you're right. And I think better, because I like living in the suburbs. I don't like living in a building. I had all the advantages of New York. By the way, never have given up on the New York teams. Still root for the Knicks.

Starting point is 00:03:07 Can you believe this Knicks situation? You fire the coach before you even hire the coach? I'm so glad they fired him. I think he was a... I agree with you. I don't like him because he played, first of all, he played, he did not give them enough rest. No, no, he wore them out.

Starting point is 00:03:25 He broke them. He learned to have a larger rotation during the play. Yes, yes. In game four, he started. I'm so glad you agree with me on this. He started to rotate and put the bench in, but it's too late. And it worked. You don't learn these things.

Starting point is 00:03:40 But it was also too late, because these guys hadn't warmed up all season, hadn't gelled with the team, and they came in like maniacs. And they still played well. They did. And it just showed. He should have been doing that all year long. You can't wear these guys out like that. You can't play people like that.

Starting point is 00:03:54 Even if they could do it physically, which we saw the year before they broke down physically, mentally, you get to the... You can't sustain. You can't. No one can. He's like a nicer Bobby Knight, that guy. Yeah, yeah. He's a tough dude.

Starting point is 00:04:08 But I think- I'm so glad they got rid of him. Yeah, but they didn't do it right, though. I mean, you gotta hire your coach first and then you let him go. Well, they'll get it. You know, I bet you Jason Kidd'll do it. I think they can get away.

Starting point is 00:04:21 I don't know. How are they gonna take him away from a winning team like that? I mean, I know they got more money. I know Jim Dolan will go into his pockets. Because it's New York, John. It's the cradle of civilization. He agrees with me. I don't.

Starting point is 00:04:33 You got it on camera. You got it on camera. I'm just mocking you. It's not the cradle of civilization. I could name the cradles of civilization. There's four of them. But contemporary, contemporary wise. Contemporary, well, it's... I mean, where was the birth of hip-hop? The birth of punk was New York City. So what?

Starting point is 00:04:46 The greatest playwrights were coming from New York City, the greatest writers, the, yeah, come on. There's more to civilization than what's on- Graffiti. 101.5. You know, I agree it's part of civilization, it's music and culture. It's not, there are other- Poetry, dude, poetry slams.

Starting point is 00:04:54 New York and poets- Poetry. Come on, Pinero, you're a poet. You're a poet. You're a poet. You're a poet. You're a poet. You're a poet.

Starting point is 00:05:02 You're a poet. You're a poet. You're a poet. You're a poet. You're a poet. You're part of civilization as music and culture. It's not there are poetry, dude, poetry slams, New York and poets. Come on, Nero. All of it was happening in New York. So OK. I mean, that's a part of what civilization is. But just because it's that important to you doesn't mean it's that way for everybody.

Starting point is 00:05:20 So so do you think most people care about important to you? What punk and hip hop is not important to you? What? Punk and hip-hop is not important to you? Important? Uh, no. I wouldn't say... I don't think... That's an affictation you've picked up. Because you didn't talk like that from Jersey. No.

Starting point is 00:05:37 Actually, I did. My father was a newsman. Oh, okay. That's where you get that great voice. And so, diction was very important in our family, and speaking like that. Yeah, I never really had the New York accent, which is good, but I always had the New York mentality. I mean, I think one reason I did well out here is because they lack East Coast kind of vibe out here.

Starting point is 00:06:01 They don't, they don't have that vibe. And when you bring it, it stands out, it works. It's electric. Yeah. You know, we're just... We're confrontational. I mean, you have to be confrontational in New York because you're confronted every day by millions of people, different cultures, different economic backgrounds.

Starting point is 00:06:18 You've got to be alert. You've got to be on your game. That's what I didn't like about New York. I don't want to always be on my game? That's what I didn't like about it. In New York, like I don't- You came out here to relax. I don't want to always be on my game. People used to say, you know, I get my energy from the people on the street. Yes.

Starting point is 00:06:32 And I would say, I use all my energy trying to get by these people. It's a dream, you know. I don't want to- No, I hear you, I hear you. But I love it. I feed off of it. I know.

Starting point is 00:06:41 And that's what makes the world go around. Exactly. Is that we just don't agree and we're still friends. Because- It's a beautiful thing Because it's a beautiful thing. And also it's nice that you can have a place, like you say, where you go, where you don't wanna live, but you still like it. That's how I feel about New York.

Starting point is 00:06:55 A beautiful fall weekend. Oh my God, there's nothing like it in New York. Trees changing and all that. And the play, it's the beginning of all the theater season and all the TV series. Always back to the theater. That's my thing. I'm a theater nerd.

Starting point is 00:07:10 I know you're one of the most accomplished. Don't you have a lifetime achievement from... Finally, after years of being snubbed for all my one-man shows. Really? You think you were snubbed? Yeah. I feel like I was changing comedy in America in really important ways,

Starting point is 00:07:28 and I don't think I was getting the recognition I deserved. Well, I could make the same claim. So do it. No, because I don't think it's a good look to do it. No, it's not a good look, but sometimes you have to pat yourself on the back. Otherwise, if nobody's gonna recognize you, you gotta recognize yourself.

Starting point is 00:07:44 That's the New Yorker. That's right, recognize. You gotta recognize. I mean, look, I'm not gonna say I've never, like, in this very chair, bitched about my 40 Emmy nominations and they never would give me one. I understand why. And I have bitched, but-

Starting point is 00:07:59 Why didn't they give it to you? Because I'm too truthful, because I'm not woke enough. Damn. People like you get awards, because it's the woke speaking to the woke. So, you know, it's always good. And that's okay, I understand that. I'd much rather have the freedom to speak always, as I have, completely freely

Starting point is 00:08:18 and completely truthfully as I see it. It's interesting you're saying that, because you're right, people who start seeking awards and recognition start couching their speech and their themes to get those awards. So you have to hit certain, you can't say certain things. And it works, by the way. It works. Yeah, yeah, it can work.

Starting point is 00:08:36 Because, I mean, voters, you know, the award voters, they absolutely confuse the actor with the part. Absolutely, always. So, you know, was Matthew McConaughey good in Dallas Buyers Club? Yeah, he was, he was amazing. He was good. But I think it was a given that he was gonna win because the character he played was someone who fought for AIDS against AIDS.

Starting point is 00:09:03 But also, come on, the Oscars and all these award shows. I mean, I don't want to diss them because I want to get one. But at the same time, the movies that win are never the movies that are the cultural shifters and the cultural makers. They're not the best movies of the time, of the era. They're like popular and cute. Well, they're not popular. No, the winners of the Oscars They're like popular and cute. Well, they're not popular. No, the winners

Starting point is 00:09:26 of the Oscars? Come on. It's never the most cutting edge movie. No, that's exactly what they're what they're not are the popular movies. The ones that win are the ones that are saying to the audience, the movie used to say to the audience, this is Hollywood. Welcome to our show that showcases who we are and what we do, and we want to show you that we make the best movies. Now what they're voting for is we want to show you that we're the best people. So things like Nomadland that no one went to see or wanted.

Starting point is 00:10:00 No, nobody went to see that. Nobody wanted to see that. Nobody went to see a lot of these ones. But her previous movie was amazing, amazing. The writers, it was about, she started as a documentary about these Native American kids and she turned it into a movie about their own lives and scripted their own lives into it and one of the kids got, they were bronco writers and one of the kids got stomped on his head.

Starting point is 00:10:23 It was wild was wild wild. There is such a divide between the ultra woke stuff that wins the awards There's no ultra woke pro. I'm ultra woke. They're not they're not woken up for me. I'm sorry They're not woken up. Well, that's quite a statement and we probably should not pursue that at all America is is a centrist country. We don't have a real left. We have a real radical right,

Starting point is 00:10:47 but we don't have a real radical left. We have center and then a little center left. Real radical left wants to destroy government just like the right, wants to upend everything, wants to throw out the establishment. We don't have any of that. Come on. What do we have?

Starting point is 00:11:02 The left, the Democrats eat their own. And they don't listen to their progressives. They never, they destroy them. I don't even, I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. I tell you. Come on, let's hop. Let me ask you about your personal life. When you're in a relationship,

Starting point is 00:11:22 are you always having political talks with your girl or I'm assuming it's a girl, I don't wanna be, I wanna be woke enough to say, I, it doesn't, it could be anything and everything would be fine and that's true, everything would be fine, but I know, I know you're a straight man, but does it, do you, do you have to be with someone

Starting point is 00:11:42 who agrees with you politically or could you be with someone and would you then always be arguing? My wife and I are always arguing. Oh, you're married now. I've been married almost Tomorrow's our anniversary. I'm married 25 years. You've been married 25 years. Yeah. Yeah, I got bad information Yeah, no, it wasn't I mean we've had our ups and downs and you downs and we got past it and I think we're doing great right now. We're doing amazing. So your marriage came along just with the century. Yes, it did. 25 years.

Starting point is 00:12:11 25 years. Isn't that something? And for Hollywood, that's like 100 years. Oh, that's a lifetime achievement award. Yeah. Yeah. Where's that award? I want that one.

Starting point is 00:12:22 Well, congratulations. And do you argue politics or do you just? Yeah, we argue politics. We argue a lot. She doesn't see things exactly as you do? No, she doesn't. She sees things very differently than I do. Maybe I should be with her. And sometimes she's uncomfortable. Yeah, I think you should be.

Starting point is 00:12:35 But if you like to fight, if you like to argue. I don't. I really don't. People think I do because I wind up doing it. I mean, if you left New York and you don't like New York, it's because you don't like to argue because I wind up doing it. I mean if you left New York You don't like New York is because you don't like to argue because everybody loves to all my friends argue with me 24-7 They do yeah, New Yorkers argue all the fucking time even when they shouldn't be arguing. They're arguing. Yeah Well, that's one of the things I just did not like about this city and John I lived there twice I lived there first of all again. I grew up with New York TV, New York sports teams, my father worked there.

Starting point is 00:13:06 So yes, we were a satellite of New York, but come on, New Jersey. I know, I know. It's New York adjacent for real. I mean, look, you're from what borough? Queens, Jackson. I'm Bridging Tunnel. Okay, well there are people who would say, and I too say New Jersey. My wife tells me that, yeah, she does.

Starting point is 00:13:23 She says you're Bridging Tunnel, you'll always be Bridging Tunnel. And Staten Island is- Oh, forget it, it's not hat hat. I do say New Jersey. My wife tells me that. Yeah, she does. She says, you're Bridgett Tunnel. You'll always be Bridgett Tunnel. And Staten Island is... Off again. It's not even New York. Does it really belong in New York? It's like they towed it from off of North Carolina or something. What is that?

Starting point is 00:13:35 Staten Island doesn't even look like a city. Except for Wu Tang. That's the only great thing they've ever done. Of course. Well, it's the cradle of civilization where the Wu-Tang clan emerged by the river. God, I'm so thankful for that. It makes me almost want to believe and thank the Lord. So civilization began by four rivers because if you need- Well, Western civilization, European civilization. No, no, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:14:00 No, no, no. Rivers transcend ethnicity, John, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that happened. Four. Okay, the Yangtze, the Tigris Euphrates in Mesopotamia, more thank God not white people, because what's worse than that. The Nile, more not white people, great. It's amazing. And the Amazon. Oh, you got it. You did get it. Damn, you're good. Yeah, are you a story? Are you like a historian? Wait, no, I don't think it's the Amazon because because they had to migrate into South America No, no, but don't know but you're right. No, no, but you're right because the Nile the Yangtze the tiger Sufres and It is the Amazon because you know

Starting point is 00:15:02 They just did laser LIDAR and they found all these incredible civilizations underneath the jungle forest and the Amazon because you know they just did laser LIDAR and they found all these incredible civilizations underneath the jungle forest in the Amazon. Oh I'm sure. And chilies, avocado, tomatoes all come from the Amazon so how did they get all the way to Meso? Chili's the restaurant? Say what? Chili's the restaurant?

Starting point is 00:15:20 No, all chilies come from the Amazon. Latin food is the mother cuisine of all great modern cuisine. The cradle of eating, obviously. Yo, hot food, there would be no hot food if it wasn't for us, no Chili's, chocolate, there would be no chocolate, there would be no vanilla. The corn created the Industrial Revolution.

Starting point is 00:15:41 That fed everything, and potatoes helped Europe grow during the Industrial Revolution. Without our potatoes, our corn, our chocolate, our vanilla, you got nothing. My people, the Irish, had a little something to do with potatoes, I must say. Yeah, you got it from us. The potatoes are from South America. The Irish got potatoes from South America. I don't think that's historically accurate.

Starting point is 00:16:00 It's good that you're on freedom. Because that'll help. Want some? No, no, no. Not to talk to you. I need to be sharp. No, you don't. I'm not. No, do you not smoke weed

Starting point is 00:16:14 at all? No, I take edibles like to go to sleep or to travel and whatnot. And a cap and a stem now and then to be happy. Oh, it's mushrooms. Yeah, they've learned how to like microdose it well, haven't they? Really, it's mushrooms. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they've learned how to, like, microdose it well, haven't they? Really good, with chocolate.

Starting point is 00:16:28 And that's also a Latin thing. Cybillus. Mushrooms, they're from Mesoamerica. Okay. Why don't we make it easier? Name the thing the Latins haven't done. And that seems like a much shorter list. It's hard, because popcorn, peanut butter.

Starting point is 00:16:44 What about bronze statues of businessmen at bus stops? Because that seems like a very white. Yeah, Rodin is white. Yeah, well, we'll give you Rodin. The monster or the sculptor? Oh my god, don't you love those monsters? Godzilla, Rodin, Mothra. Mothra.

Starting point is 00:17:03 Yes. Was that Japanese? Yeah, all the Godzilla creaturesothra. Mothra? Yes. Mothra? Oh, was that the crazy butterfly? Yeah, yeah, all the Godzilla creatures. Okay. Was Rodan the turtle? No, I mean, didn't you play, were you in Mutant Ninja? No, no, I was in Spawn, the black comic book.

Starting point is 00:17:16 But didn't you play some, were you in Luigi? Luigi, Super Mario Bros., the first video game. Right. Wasn't very successful then, but now it's become cult. Moulin Rouge, you were. I was Toulouse-Lautrec. Toulouse-Lautrec. That's a great part. That's a great part, right.

Starting point is 00:17:31 Incredible director, I mean, Baz Luhrmann, one of the greats, a world builder, he creates worlds. Romeo and Juliet? Yes. Right. Tybalt. Wait, I remember all those, because you made that comment once about,

Starting point is 00:17:44 like, James Franco shouldn't be playing Castro. Yeah, he shouldn't be. And I was like, but John, you've played all these parts of people who aren't Colombian. Why does it work one way and not the other way? Because it hasn't worked in our favor in centuries. When the founding fathers of Hollywood came to Hollywood, it had just been Mexico 60 years prior.

Starting point is 00:18:09 And they came into a predominantly Latino community that had been lynched, massacred, burned alive, shot, redlined, segregated, sterilized, Jim Crowed. And they came here and they didn't include the people into any of their movies for centuries. Drink? Yeah please. No no no. I'm sober. You know, it goes with the light conversation. Cocktail? Yeah. Should we move through the veranda? No, I'm sure that, you know. And then there was Brownface for like decades, bro.

Starting point is 00:18:48 Brownface, I mean, Charlton Heston in Touch of You. But that was a while ago. I mean, since then we've had Raoul Julian and Andy Garcia. Dude, 20% of the population with less than 3% of the leads on film and television with 30% of the box office. And we're still like under, we're the most aggressively underrepresented ethnic group in America.

Starting point is 00:19:09 Well, I'm okay. I'm sure there is work to do there. And I'm- I need your help doing it. How could I help? What could I possibly- With your 150 million dollars. What? I don't have 100.

Starting point is 00:19:20 I don't have it. I just need a little cash. I don't have it. And if I had it, I wouldn't spend it on that. Let me tell you something. What would you spend your money on? You know, I'm a very simple dude. Oh, I can see by this huge property.

Starting point is 00:19:34 Well, I do have some land, but that's nice. But I like land. I like land, too. I like land is good. Yeah, land is good. It's one reason I, again, would not want to live in New York. I do not like living in a building. I like land too, I like land is good. Yeah, land is good. It's one reason I again would not want to live in New York. I do not like living in a building. I like land too.

Starting point is 00:19:48 It's because I grew up in the suburbs. New Jersey is the suburbs. I grew up with a lawn. We were middle class, we didn't have anything special or spectacular and I still don't. I have, I'm a simple guy. This house is not simple. My actual house is. This is amazing.

Starting point is 00:20:04 My actual house, two bedrooms, is that a lot? No, that's not a lot. It's not a lot. I don't want- Square footage. I don't even know. But it's not a lot. It's got a kitchen.

Starting point is 00:20:15 It's got a nice kitchen. Look, it has a kitchen with an island, which when I was a kid, my kitchen was the size of this chair. Like an island, the kitchen was an island. Now everybody's got an island. Yeah, but you this chair, like an island. The kitchen was an island. Now everybody's got an island. Yeah, but you got space for an island. Yeah, but it's not like, it's what kitchens became. Houses got bigger.

Starting point is 00:20:33 So I have a kitchen, I have a small dining room, a nice living room. Not overcompensating. A nice living room, and then upstairs, there's a family room, which I don't go in a lot because I don't got that. A family, you don't have a family. And then, you know, my bedroom, a spare bedroom, which I don't go in a lot because I don't got that. A family, you don't have a family.

Starting point is 00:20:45 You know, my bedroom, a spare bedroom, a nice closet. I mean, I have a great office. It's built sort of for one, that house, but I don't need a lot. I'm a simple guy, one house, one car, one plane. That's it. Oh, you don't have two homes, you don't have too many planes. Just a simple jet, no helicopters for you.

Starting point is 00:21:03 No, no, no. That stuff doesn't make me happy. It's just stuff that means stuff to me. Could they take my politically incorrect sign? They could have, but... Oh, politically incorrect. I love that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:16 You were on it. Yeah, I was. I love it. Yeah. So, you know... Yeah, you were very influential. Your show was incredible. I mean, because nobody was talking like you

Starting point is 00:21:27 back in the day when you came up with being really aggressive about thoughts and calling people on shit. Nobody was doing gotcha. And I'm still doing it. Yeah, you still are. Yeah. Look, we all know speed and quality

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Starting point is 00:23:01 And if you go to ziprecruiter.com slash random right now, you can try it for free. Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash random. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Hey, you know what's harder than admitting you need therapy? Finding a therapist who doesn't ask you to wait a sec while they type all of your questions into ChatGPT, you better hope it doesn't hallucinate. Well, that's where Rula comes in.

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Starting point is 00:24:26 After you sign up, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Go to RULA.com slash random and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who does care. No, I mean, I was funny reading the paper today and there's Curtis Sliwa on the front page. Wow, crazy.

Starting point is 00:24:55 Right. Running for New York mayor. Right. And it was, I just remember him on like the first season of Politically Incorrect because we would have, he was, because we had a budget of nothing. And so we would have local New York types on very well. And he was interesting. Remember the angels? Of course, I see him on the subway all the time.

Starting point is 00:25:12 Right, with the red hats. Yeah, yeah. I think his girl was with him and she was kind of like a hot guardian angel. She was really fine. She was like some kind of Russian chick. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:24 And now I see him and we all, we look, we all look older. Although you look fantastic. You really don't look like, you still look so- Well, brown don't break down. So, you know. Another thing in the brown column. I'm so glad, I'm so glad. Let me keep scoring it.

Starting point is 00:25:37 Yeah, yeah. Latin, white people, uh, bronze statues. White people have done some good things. Bronze statues. Wait, we were the done some good things. Bronze statues. Wait, we were the first ones to combine avocado and toast? You're worried. The winter Olympics? Avocado and toast is incredible.

Starting point is 00:25:52 Winter Olympics, that's us. Skiing. Music and elevators. Oh my God, I love elevator music. White people have done- Come on, it really relaxes me. White people have done a lot of things. I know, a lot of bad things. But you know, everybody in the world has done a lot of things. I know, a lot of bad things.

Starting point is 00:26:05 But you know, everybody in the world has done a lot of bad things. Oh yeah, no doubt, no doubt. Being horrible and racist and colonizers and all that shit, it is not the province of one race. No, no, of course not, of course not. I mean, my 15th, I go back 500 generations on both sides. 500? Yeah, on both sides. 500?

Starting point is 00:26:25 Yeah, on both sides. How do you know that? Because I went on Finding Your Roots. But they don't go back 500 generations. Yeah, you can't because. No. They can't because the Catholic Church kept crazy records. Not 500, John.

Starting point is 00:26:41 You got that month, no, I promise you. They traced me back, my 15th grandfather. That's not 500, John. You got that month. No, I promise you. They traced me back. My 15th grandfather. That's not 500. Humans. 1400? Humans. What's the 1400? Well, think about it.

Starting point is 00:26:52 How many generations in a century? That's 500 years ago, brother. I know you're on a little bit of weed. I'm going to help you with the math. No, you're the one who's going to be embarrassed. How many generations in a century? Well, it depends. If you're Latino, it might be 20 or 30.

Starting point is 00:27:07 In a century, you have children every... Every 16 years. Say 20 years for a generation. So there's five generations in a century. So in 500 years, that's five... That's if everybody's having kids at 20, yeah, yeah. That's 25 generations. I'm the only person on this show that they could trace my lineage 500 years on both sides

Starting point is 00:27:32 in the Americas to conquistadors who were genocidal murderers. I'm sure you're related to conquistadors, but they don't go back 500 years. Conquistadors. 1492. Conquistadors were like 500 years ago. Again, that's 25 generations, not 500. That's 400 years.

Starting point is 00:27:52 I didn't say 500 generations, I said 500 years. You said generations. No, no, I said my 15th grandfather was Ben al-Qasr, right-hand man to Pizarro. And he came to Colombia before he genocided a ton of Ecuadorian women and children. And then he came to Colombia and created four cities. Yeah, I mean, Mexicans are a mix

Starting point is 00:28:18 of the indigenous people and the Spanish. So, you know, when people are like, oh, yeah. I mean, and the Spanish were as- You know, when people are like, oh, yeah. I mean, and the Spanish were as... You gotta go on finding your roots. You're gonna find your roots. I did. What did they find? Did you have roots?

Starting point is 00:28:35 Yeah, they knew basically what they were. My father, Ireland. My mother, that family originally was from Hungary. Hungarian, Jewish on that side, although the Jewish kind of melted away as they came to America. I mean that wasn't really put into me, but it's my heritage. And my father's side was pretty standard, like came right after the Civil War in this country, the potato famine in Ireland. Oh sure, you know they traced it certainly back 1818, I remember that number sticks in my head when they had the name of, you know, the great-great-great-great-grandmother in Ireland, oh, sure. They traced it certainly back 1818.

Starting point is 00:29:07 I remember that number sticks in my head when they had the name of, it was what, great-great-great-great-grandmother or something like that born in the church. You know, they go back to like the church. Yeah, because the Catholic church kept records. Yeah, of course, they kept the records. So they knew the people, absolutely,

Starting point is 00:29:22 their full names and who came here and then married and O'Toole married this one. And yeah, I mean it was a very standard history the Irish came to this country around that time and they've also faced horrible prejudice Oh, yeah, you know Irish and actors need not apply or there's something like that And you know every ethnic group that that comes here gets the shaft You're like at the bottom of the... Right, but we've been here, the first European language spoken in America was not English, was Spanish. And we've been here since then.

Starting point is 00:29:51 Absolutely. And we, Irish, because they're white people, can move up, but we haven't moved up. We've stayed in the same place because this is the fourth mass deportation of Latinos since 1830. After Mexico became America and they took the land and invaded and took from the Mississippi to the Pacific, they started lynching people, stealing their land, stealing their political

Starting point is 00:30:20 wealth, and then they mass deported in the 1930s with the Repatriation Act. Two million Latinos, most of them were American citizens. And what the president is doing, scaring the shit out of people who shouldn't have the shit scared out of them and should be able to stay here is awful. And I told that to him to his face. You did? Yes. That's amazing. That takes a lot of courage.

Starting point is 00:30:46 Yeah, well, we kind of famously had dinner a few weeks ago, a month ago. So you called him out, you called him out. We had a, you know, don't make me go through this again, but you know, it was a big controversy at the time. You must have seen. It was huge, yeah, no, it was insane. So like they were mad at me for going there, the woke,

Starting point is 00:31:04 but like I kept saying, well, among other things, one, when I left the dinner and before I got there, I never stopped tearing him a new asshole about the things I thought he deserved a new asshole torn about. So, you know. And he took it, he took it with which I got. And what they got mad at me about was just explaining

Starting point is 00:31:20 that in person he's a completely different guy. Oh, totally different guy. And that is not on me. I'm just reporting. And yes, you can have a conversation. And I did at one point say to him those exact words. I said, you're scaring people. Why do you want to scare your own citizens?

Starting point is 00:31:36 And in public, he would have exploded at that. And say, you're a terrible person. And in private, he talks to you like a human being and listens a lot better than a lot of other people who are in those kind of positions have. That's just the truth. I know they hate to hear it and a lot of people are involved.

Starting point is 00:31:54 But it's the presentational performative side of him that's so dangerous and heinous. So dangerous and so heinous. Yeah, I mean that side of him, because I've met him too, because we all met him in New York, he was always in the clubs, hitting on some model or something, whatever.

Starting point is 00:32:10 You know, sitting on some corner trying to hit on all the hotties. And what were you doing in the 90s? The same thing? I always had a date, I always came with a date. I met him once at Moomba, do you remember Moomba? Yes, of course I do. You do?

Starting point is 00:32:22 I saw him at Moomba. Yeah, he was always at Moomba. Okay, well that's where I, I saw him at Mumba. Yeah, he was always at Mumba. Okay, well that's where I met him twice before he was present. Once at the Playboy Mansion, and once at Mumba. Yeah, Mumba was hot. That was where all the models were going. And I think he was once on Howard Stern and my name came up

Starting point is 00:32:38 and Howard was always asking about girls and I guess I was with someone and he went, yeah, he was with someone not bad? That's crazy I met him a time. I was giving an award at the Trump Tower before he was even a political Person and I was giving bas Lerman an award and he came up to me and he goes, oh you're so articulate because you know why people always tell you that if you're a Latin person and you can speak that you're so articulate, which I know is code for I thought you were all dumb and

Starting point is 00:33:16 Anybody was so meek. He was so I was I was astounded how incredibly meek he is like I wouldn't call it. I wouldn't call it meek. What I would call it is knowing how to make everybody, it's ironic because he's known as the greatest egomaniac and he is quite an egomaniac, but to make the person you're talking to feel like they're the ones who are important and you're interested in what they're saying, he's good at that.

Starting point is 00:33:43 I remember that at the Playboy Mansion, and I saw it again at the White House. Right, it's obsequious, it's obsequious. It's not obsequious, he's just- I mean, I'm telling you what I experienced. It seemed obsequious, even though he gave me the old, you're so articulate. Well, that's just obnoxious, because it's a terrible thing.

Starting point is 00:34:03 But you know, people say, is he a racist or not? He's an 80-year-old or soon to be a year away from 80-year-old guy whose father was a virulent racist. Oh, yeah. He marched with the KKK. His father was arrested for marching. His father was definitely a racist. And his grandfather was a pimp?

Starting point is 00:34:20 Like of the times, like the people are a product of their times. He is a product of his time. Yeah, but some of us overcome our times. That is absolutely true. That is true and fair to say. But he's not on the level of racism that people say. No, that Stephen Miller is. No, nobody's at the level of Stephen Miller's racism and who's the architect of all this

Starting point is 00:34:41 mass deportation. He grew up here in Santa Monica with Latinos and I guess they bullied him and he's got a chip on his shoulder over that. But I mean, part of this is a backlash to how badly Biden handled the immigration situation. It can't just be like come one, come all, which it was. There's plenty of room here and we need.

Starting point is 00:35:01 Room. Latif, there's plenty of room in America. Come on. There's not a lack of room in America. But it's never about room. It's about resources and about like having a countries have to have a border. It just can't be, I mean, they've done surveys and something like 200 million people around the world when asked, would you come to America? Yes, I would. Why wouldn't they? Lots of countries, excuse me, are shitholes and they would love to be here. You can't just let any... I mean, no, no, I'm not right. The places aren't shitholes, but...

Starting point is 00:35:31 Well, they are. And that's why they want to come. And it's usually because of America, what America has done, especially in Latin America, has beat up every democracy that was burgeoning in Latin America and destroyed it to keep their oil or their resources or bauxite or bananas. Like if you don't really have rights, like as far as like women's rights in most majority Muslim countries, women just don't have close to the rights we have here. If you can't dress the way you want. If you are in a country where there's just extreme poverty, which a lot of countries have,

Starting point is 00:36:06 or if there's like the kind of corruption, and we have corruption here, of course, but on a level. Well, we have extra new corruption with the meme coin. But it is on a level in some countries that do way, way more. Well, we're catching up. We're catching up. We're catching up, but we still... No, it's still... There's a reason why people want to come here,

Starting point is 00:36:24 because it's still better. But I got to tell you, I mean, immigrants... I mean, if you live in a country where you can take a chicken on a bus, that was always my standard, okay? I think I have the right to call that a shithole country. And I see why you want to come here. It's not your fault you live in a shithole. It doesn't mean you're a shithole person.

Starting point is 00:36:39 You're the misfortune of being born there, and I get it why you would want to move here. Right, but the thing is that the immigrants that are coming here are building the country. They're the essential workers. They are. They're the first responders. They're doing all your construction, painting, plumbing, raising all your food, cooking all your food, serving all your food. Kids, taking care of your kids.

Starting point is 00:37:03 We do all the work that nobody wants to do and keeps the country going. I mean immigrants are the life source of this country. Yes they are absolutely because again we're both products of them. Yes yes we are both. But what most Americans I think sensible middle of the road people would say is yes of course we are an immigrant welcoming country, but there has to be some order to it. It just can't be come one, come all, no, I mean, there was like video people would see of people,

Starting point is 00:37:35 just the border guards just looking as people or just like giant trains of people. And that's why, then where do they go? They went to cities on the borders who then were like you know what if you people in New York think that it's such a great idea to let anybody in we're gonna bust them to you and then what did the people in New York say? I mean even the governor of New York was like we can't take all these people. Mayor Adams was like and he's right it's like like, you know, these people live here, and now this is their burden to

Starting point is 00:38:08 this degree. But I mean, those, those people, those cities on the border called the bluff of the sanctuary city. It's very easy to sit there from far away and go, we're a sanctuary city. Okay, well, here's, here's all the people sanctuary, and then they didn't like it. Let's fix the immigration problem. That's the kind of hypocrisy. Let's fix the illegal immigration because it's a broken system. Right. That people who've been here for 30 years can't be naturalized. That's insane.

Starting point is 00:38:33 Who've been working here and giving their lives. And just fix the legal immigration. Stop creating these quotas and this blockage. He did finally have to go back on that and say, you know, the people who work in... The farms in here. Because like, who does he think cleans the rooms in his hotel? Right, exactly.

Starting point is 00:38:50 Who do you think mows the lawn? Was his lawn in all his golf clubs. At the golf club around your first wife's grave. Who polishes your golf balls for you. You know? So, you know, he has a way of like, always going too far and just doing... And then tacoing.

Starting point is 00:39:05 Yes. Just tacos. Tacoing, everything is Latin. I haven't gotten all those Latino. Coming from taco, that's right. Come on. Well, the Iranians found out it's not always taco. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:39:18 They found out it was not always tacoing. Yeah, yeah. See, it's kind of good to have that reputation of like, oh, he never follows through. Oh, really? Yeah Bomb up your ass so crazy so well well here we are so what's your what are you doing out here? We're hustling selling. What do you I'm hawking wares Like for what? smoke Like for what? Smoke. Oh, that's your series?

Starting point is 00:39:45 Yeah, yeah. Apple? Apple, True Crime, Dennis Lehane, one of the great preeminent. How's Apple to work with? Good? Yeah, oh my God, yeah. I'm catching up to your... I'm a humble man.

Starting point is 00:39:55 You're a humble man. With a humble... Hey, you know what? I was poor. No, you've earned it. I'm not saying... I'm not begrudging you. When I lived in New York, I was like,

Starting point is 00:40:06 it's funny, I used to hear old comics talk about this and think they were so corny, but now I'm saying it and it's true when they would say, you know we were poor when we were young, but we didn't know we were poor. I, it's the same. You didn't know, you never knew you were poor. I'm sure I knew.

Starting point is 00:40:19 I was living on a shithole apartment above a bus stop on Eightth Avenue and 55th Street. But you didn't know it was shitty. You were kind of loving it and digging it. I did, but I was on my own. You were rough and you weren't honest, yeah. I was living in New York. The first time.

Starting point is 00:40:35 The hottest women in the whole country. Yes, none of them would talk to you, but they were the hottest. No, they couldn't. That's the thing about New York. Yeah, women. That's one reason I didn't like New York. I did not get along with the women.

Starting point is 00:40:47 You know, you vibe with certain cities. I came out here, I found paradise. In New York, just the- Well, you also came here when you had mad success. No, well, more success. I did not come here when I had mad. I came here in 1983 when I had done three Tonight Shows. I did not- Oh my God, that's success. I came here in 1983 when I had done three Tonight Shows. I didn't have a man.

Starting point is 00:41:05 Oh my God, that's success. I had a little apartment and a Toyota and my sound system was a- No, that's not success. My sound system in the car was a boom box in the back seat. Oh, do you have a Toyota Corolla? Is that what you had? That plugged into the cigarette lighter.

Starting point is 00:41:22 Those are some sad times. That was my sound system. Yeah, yeah. Where I put a tape into a boombox in the back seat of the car. But didn't you think you were cool? Come on, you thought you was so dope. No one could think they were cool with a boombox in the back seat. And you started, you know... I remember I was going out with a girl in 1985 who was like so out of my league, and she would just unmercifully make fun of me about that. That's incredible. You gotta love that, you gotta love that.

Starting point is 00:41:51 I do. You know, it doesn't work to have things if you can't look back and know what you didn't have, because it just doesn't, I was, somebody was mentioning sometime recently that oh, nice bathtub. I said, you know, I never had a bathtub that I wanted to get into until I was 45 when I moved here.

Starting point is 00:42:14 Wow. I never took a bath. I mean, I hadn't, like, was. You took like a sink shower. Because like the idea of sitting in this little narrow shitty. You do horse baths? Horse baths, you know, like, that is sick.

Starting point is 00:42:27 They used to call it, they had an ethnic name for that, but I won't say it. No, I know, I know they didn't. Because it would make you so mad. I'm just saying I've heard it. I know. That's good restraint, I appreciate that. But it was a blankety blank shower.

Starting point is 00:42:42 Yeah, yeah, no, I know, I know. And I've taken many of them. Yeah, yeah, no, I know, I know. And I've taken many of them. Yeah, yeah, we all have. I still do it sometimes. Yo, I found out that when I realized that I was really poor was when I went to the Fresh Air Fund. Do you remember the Fresh Air Fund? They used to take Latin and black kids that were poor

Starting point is 00:42:56 and they would send us to a rich white family in the country for two weeks. And then I realized, oh my God, they have TV dinners, they have TVs, two TVs, they have all this space, they have a yard, it was incredible. Then I realized I was fucking poor. Yeah, yeah, I was super poor. I mean, that apartment was horrible.

Starting point is 00:43:16 It was what they call a studio, which meant one room. I often woke up with roaches around me. Oh yeah, that was the worst. Sometimes crawling on me. Oh yeah, that was the worst. Sometimes crawling on me. Oh yeah, no, I've had that. I've had one crawl on my lips. Yeah, if you don't know you're poor then, and when you wake up with a roach in your mouth.

Starting point is 00:43:34 That is the most disgusting. Not this kind of roach. No, no, that kind of roach you wake up with that one, that's okay. That's fine. That means you had a great night. Yeah, I mean, I got talent because that's the only way you can get girls if you're broke,

Starting point is 00:43:47 is if you have talent and it's like a magnet and girls come to you. Otherwise, without cash, yeah, you're not gonna get girls. Not in New York City. Hey, what's up? This is Joe from Past Gas Podcast by Donut Media. We're an automotive history podcast, but you don't have to be a car person to enjoy our show.

Starting point is 00:44:01 We tell the craziest stories, like the first race across America. It was basically 45 days of hell, or how the humble caravan saved Dodge and allowed them to make the Viper. We've been doing this podcast for over five years now, and there are still so many crazy stories, it amazes me. It's basically like hanging out in the garage,

Starting point is 00:44:18 chopping it up with your friends, hanging out, good vibes. So check out Pascass wherever you get your podcasts. Take me through that. How did the talent, because I don't remember this happening to me. I don't remember being a starting out young comedian and, oh, I've got talent and the girls were there. They were not.

Starting point is 00:44:37 Oh my God, they were all over there. I was at First Amendment improv. I don't know if you remember that. It was on Bond Street. What was your first thing? You were in an improv troupe? Yeah, I was in an improv troupe. In New York. Yeah, and there were all these where were they headquartered Oh Bond Street Bond Street, but went downtown downtown and Robin Williams would come in Bruce Willis would come in

Starting point is 00:44:54 Yeah, I was in the C company. I wasn't part of the a company. I never got to the a company They had like leagues like that? Yeah, yeah. Like varsity, junior work? Yeah, C was the worst. But they kept promising. So you had to like clean their bathrooms, do the bar sweep and clean up the whole place. Who from the A group would we know today

Starting point is 00:45:17 that went on to good things? Oh, wow. Maybe nobody. Michael, oh my God, what is his name? Michael. Well, he killed his name. It can't be he can't be that no no he was in talk radio on Off-Broadway with Eric Boghossian and Nancy Lombardo coached Josh from Jake Drake and Josh When I comedy okay, it's not really huge success

Starting point is 00:45:40 but it's when I I'm not a culture of, John, but I do occasionally go to the theater and enjoy it when I do. And I went to see a play by John, by Eric Boghossian when I lived in New York in the 90s. Park Radio? No, I don't think it was... Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll? Maybe it was that.

Starting point is 00:45:58 It was down... It's in the village, and it's this little... The theater is the name of the street, like the Mary. Barrow Street Theater, Barrow Street Theater or Manila Lake. That's it. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

Starting point is 00:46:13 That's it. Yeah, it's a great little theater, yeah. Okay, I saw that there. Oh, I think that was sex, drugs and rock and roll. That was a big one, yeah. Right. And yeah, I was. Drinking in America or one of those?

Starting point is 00:46:26 They were great. I mean... Oh, you didn't like it? No, I did. Oh, yeah. I did. I thought it was kind of revolutionary. Yes.

Starting point is 00:46:34 He had quite a moment there. Yeah, yeah. Because he brought rage. Yes. He brought anger to it. He brought a lot of great stuff to one-man shows and to comedy. Right. I mean, I would say, you know, in many ways, what you did on similar stuff, like one man, like, I'm just going to bring it as me.

Starting point is 00:46:56 Yeah. You know. He was one of my, yeah, one of the people who inspired me. Lily Tomlin, Will B. Goldberg. Yeah. And of course, the great Spaulding Gray, who was I think the forefather to all of us. He gave me my first obie for Mambo Mouth. Spaulding Gray gave it to me.

Starting point is 00:47:12 What was the name of the big show he did? I remember. And we're talking about a waspy white guy. Oh, the waspiest dude you ever met in your entire life. Swimming to Cambodia was a big of a... That was it. Yeah. Swimming to Cambodia, what a name for a...

Starting point is 00:47:29 Wow, I don't... Yeah, you wouldn't think that would be a hit, but it was. I think they ran it on PBS and I saw it there. Sounds like the kind of thing that would happen. I read all his plays, I read everything. And his new documentary is incredible where, you know, he talks about... So, girls would come to your...

Starting point is 00:47:47 No, no, they would be part of the troupe and they'd be hanging out. Oh, part of the troupe? Yeah, yeah. And they were all super fine. Oh, really? And the headliners... In comedy? Dude, they were so fine.

Starting point is 00:47:58 Wow. Jane Bruckner was one of the hottest women I ever saw. Pat, I can't remember her last name. Pat was a waspy chick, she was fine too. Yeah. Emmy Gay, she was, yeah, there was some, Tamra, yeah, there was a lot of like great. You're sure they were fine or maybe they were

Starting point is 00:48:15 just making you laugh so you liked them more? I like that too, I'm easily swayed. I like that too, but I've never. No, no, they were fine, they were fine. Really? Yeah, because you're right, there weren't a lot of hot chicks and stand-up. It's just not an improv. No there have been very attractive I mean Sarah Silverman is a boy. Yes, she's fine You know and lots of the ones that had a reputation

Starting point is 00:48:36 Because in the old days they had to sort of like play that up to get over on the audience Lucille ball And oh yeah, you know she started out as out as an ingenue, not as a... Yeah, as a model. She was a model. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, Carol... And then she married that Latin guy. Yes. And back to Latin-ness again. And he was a success in the 50s.

Starting point is 00:48:57 So, I mean, is America really that terrible? Oh, dude, the one guy, one guy with a whole population around you, it is one guy who's making it, who they couldn't even get the show on the air. She had to fight and say, I'm not gonna do your show, your radio show, unless my husband's in it. They go, America's not gonna believe you're married

Starting point is 00:49:18 to a Latin guy. And she goes, but I am. It's so hard to imagine that show without him. Lucy, you got a lot of explaining to do. Yeah. Because, and you know, times were so different. There was an episode where she purposely gets a sunburn so that Ricky won't hit her.

Starting point is 00:49:38 Oh my god. Because she bought a dress that she shouldn't have. And just the idea that America was super cool with this complete notion of, oh sure, you know, your husband's gonna beat me. Your husband's gonna beat you. Spousal abuse, you know, it's part of the marriage. Ralph Cramden.

Starting point is 00:49:56 Oh yeah, to the moon. To the moon, I mean, it's hard to imagine, I don't know, Ray Romano threatening his wife with a closed fist every week at the end of Everybody Loves Me. Oh, modern family. O'Neill's going to go, yeah, come over here, Sofia Vergara, I'm going to knock you out. And the gay guy is going to hit the other gay guy.

Starting point is 00:50:15 We got to do it. Right. It's just, I'm just saying. It was a different time. I'm just saying, the amount that this country has changed, as much as we have problems, is just astounding. And I just don't think that's something that they want to acknowledge enough on the left, because they always want to feel like,

Starting point is 00:50:34 I'm the better person, because I say things are worse than you are saying. And that doesn't make you better, just because you're a glummer. And when- Glomming, that's a very New York word. Did you say glomming? I do say that word all the time.

Starting point is 00:50:49 My mother used to say it. I said glommer, but glomming. Yes, my mother would always say it. It's a great Yiddish name. Glomming on. Yeah, yeah. And the ganifs, those ganifs coming over. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:00 Yeah, yeah. Emmus, you know that one? No, I don't know what Emmus is. That means like the real truth. Oh wow. Nobody ever gave me the emes. That's exactly how you say it. Yeah. Give me the emes on whether the-

Starting point is 00:51:11 Oh that's so dope, I never heard that, that's hot. Whether that bomb wiped out the Iranian nuclear state or not, you know, like give me the emes. Give me the emes. But you know, and I only know some of these from TV, like Spilkes. Spilkes, nice. And what's the other one?

Starting point is 00:51:25 Kaveling, Verklems. Look at that punum, what a lovely punum. The punum, yes, right. Punum, I said punum. Yeah, punum. But we have a lot of Latino phrases in the language. Oh yeah, tons, tons. Okay, so.

Starting point is 00:51:41 They're good, like homie. Homie? Yeah, you're my homie, what's up homie? That comes from California. I thought that was black. No, no, it was black adopted, but it was Latinos here who were in jail, and you're a homie, you're from my hometown,

Starting point is 00:51:55 you're my homeboy. You know the movie, I'm sure you do, what's the name of it? It's the fighting queen? No. Which one, which one? It was about three years ago. I think it was about the African kingdom of Dahomey and the warrior queen maybe?

Starting point is 00:52:20 Oh yes, yes, with Viola Davis. Correct, correct. And they gloss over the little fact in the movie, to a degree, not completely, but they play it down, that it was a kingdom based on slavery. Wow. Blacks taking over blacks as slaves, which happened all the time.

Starting point is 00:52:37 And the name of that kingdom was Dahomey. Dahomey. D-H-A-O. And I remember when I, that. That's Dahomey. Well, I can think of it was... Dahomey. These slaves were captured. They ain't my homie.

Starting point is 00:52:53 And there was... Take Dahomey. The country used to be called Dahomey for years. I remember seeing it on the map. And now I think it is Benin. Benin. I mean, everybody changed names. They do change names from colonial names.

Starting point is 00:53:06 I mean Beijing when I was a kid was Peking. Remember Peking? Yes, yes, Peking Duck. Peking Duck, that's where it came from, yeah. Yeah. Wow, things have changed. Sri Lanka was Ceylon. Mumbai was Bombay.

Starting point is 00:53:19 Right, right, right. You know, I mean. It's incredible. Yeah. How do you keep up with all this? You have to read a lot. My job. It is your job. It's always been my job. It's incredible. Yeah. How do you keep up with all this? You have to read a lot. My job. It is your job.

Starting point is 00:53:27 It's always been my job. It was always my passion because, again, my father was a newsman. Oh, so your news was a big deal in your house. It was. You know, I mean, they didn't force it on anybody, but, you know, kids, they just absorb the biosmosis. Yeah, you do. So you know, and I could also, we could hear my father on the radio.

Starting point is 00:53:45 My father was a radio news guy. What, I've heard him? You may have if you listen to mutual broadcasting or WOR. WOR? I listened to WOR. You probably heard Bill Barr. What, in the 70s? Seven, into the 70s, yes. By then he was more transitioned to editor, but 50s and 60s mostly, but maybe early 70s.

Starting point is 00:54:07 And this is the days when every radio station had news at the top of the hour. Just five minutes of news. Like wins-wins news. They had the whole world in ten minutes. Exactly. Top of the hour. Top of the hour. Wins-wins news.

Starting point is 00:54:23 The whole world. Yes. Secretary of State Kennedy Howell has met with President Khrushchev's premiere in Vienna. The radio voice. The talks were described as productive but frank. In other news, the hula hoop. Yeah, yeah, the hula hoop is all the rage in America. And that was just how it was.

Starting point is 00:54:43 So it was always what I was interested in. The New York. History and news. History and news, the New York Times is always. What college did you go to? Cornell. Oh, that's a good college. What'd you major in?

Starting point is 00:54:56 English, history. English Lit. Yeah, I mean, I think I started as. Did Dad let you major in English Lit? He was okay with that? Well, I mean. If he I started as... Did Dad let you major in English Lit? He was okay with that? Well, I mean... Maybe he's paying for it. Doesn't he want you to be in a career

Starting point is 00:55:10 that's gonna bring you... He wasn't paying for a lot of it. He was out of work at that time. Look, I was a drug dealer in college. I mean, a pot dealer. I'm...look... That's how you paid for your credits? At a certain point, yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:24 I mean, look, I say pot dealer because primarily a pot dealer, but if our dealer got something else, we would sell that too. Oh, damn, yeah. So, you know, this is the 70s. Yeah, yeah, it's a different time. And I'm lucky.

Starting point is 00:55:39 Well, you had to make, how are you gonna pay for college? You wanted education, which is a great thing, and the only way for you to get it was dealing. I'm not hating on you, I'm not hating. It was a victimless crime. Yeah. For your little pleasure, I mean, weed is now legal everywhere, what the fuck?

Starting point is 00:55:55 The college kids are gonna get high, if not me. I tutored the disadvantaged, I tutored handicapped kids, and I read for the blind, that, I tutored handicapped kids, and I read for the blind. That's how I paid for my college. And took crazy loans that ruined my credit for 20 years. I read to blind children every Tuesday night. Children. Yeah, that's how I paid for it.

Starting point is 00:56:21 I didn't drug deal, because yeah, that wasn't my thing. But in New York, you never got sucked into a drug lifestyle. No, no, no, no. I grew up in that neighborhood. Everybody was like, there were so many addicts, and I was like, I'm never going to be like that as long as I live. Well, you don't have an addictive personality.

Starting point is 00:56:40 No, I have an addictive personality, but. You do? To what? To caffeine, and reading, success. That's... Everything you like is not an addiction, and some addictions are good. I never understood the term sex addiction,

Starting point is 00:56:56 they would say, people. He's got a sex addiction, like, and what is the... That's a bad thing? Yeah, that's a bad thing. What's the problem? What do you get, wrinkles from smiling too much? I mean, yeah. But people have gone to, I mean, Tiger Woods, Michael Douglas, there are-

Starting point is 00:57:12 Well, it's a performative sort of act of contrition. Exactly. We know what they're trying to- Well said, a performative act of contrition. They went away to- You're telling me Catholic because I'm talking about contrition and penance. I was raised the same way, Catholic.

Starting point is 00:57:26 I'm a recovering Catholic, that's for sure. Oh yeah. My father thankfully pulled out. And Catholics, that's their method of birth control. It is, that was my method for years. Pulled out of the church when I was 13, right before? That's what I meant, out of the church, I pulled out of the church. So you're not Catholic anymore? No, no, not at all.

Starting point is 00:57:46 Not at all. Really? Yeah, yeah. No religion? No, my wife's Jewish, but she's not practicing. And my kids, they went to a crazy St. Anne's and Grace Church, but they're not practicing either. Do they ask you about spiritual matters sometimes?

Starting point is 00:58:02 Or say, you know, daddy, what do we believe in? No, they never ask that. That's interesting. We never really talked about, Yeah. I mean, I talked to them about spirituality. I did talk to them about that, and meditation, and finding your inner voice,

Starting point is 00:58:18 and all that stuff. I think it's, as far as children go, I think that kind of stuff is something you'd have to tell the kids to begin with because it's just not something that would cross their minds anyway. If you're eight years old, you're not worrying about the cut.

Starting point is 00:58:32 What do you believe in? Do you believe in God or do you believe in a higher power? Yeah. Yeah, they're not gonna ask that. I believe in another toy. That's what I believe in. I believe in- Chocolate and candy. I believe in baseball. I believe in not getting beat up.

Starting point is 00:58:46 But I talk, I mean, obviously, you want to have great philosophical conversations with them when you can. But I always talk to them about spirituality and meditation and all those things that matter to me. Have they grown up now? Yeah, my kids are 24 and 25. So what's that like? I mean, can you So what's that like? I mean, can you talk to them exactly like a friend, and should you?

Starting point is 00:59:10 I think at this age, if you want to have a great relationship, you've got to stop being a parent at some point, otherwise you just scare them away. You're right. Because you're being judgmental, basically, because they're not doing it the way you want it to be done. So you have to shut up a lot. And also, they're grown up. They're judgmental basically because they're not doing it the way you want it to be done. So you have to shut up a lot. And also, they're grown up.

Starting point is 00:59:27 They're grown up. They gotta, you know, at some point they gotta let the bird fly. But I'm a Latin dad. I want them to be around me 24-7. I want them to live near me. I want to have their spouses come and stay with us. I want all of that.

Starting point is 00:59:41 I do. They're married? No, they're not married. My son's been with the same girl for about two and a half years, so they're living together. But you could be a grandfather at some point. I would love that, man. Really?

Starting point is 00:59:54 Yeah, that's what I'm, I'm 64. I long for that. We're closer in age than I thought. How old are you? 69. Get out of here, you're not 69. Yeah, 69. You're just trying to impress me.

Starting point is 01:00:07 No. Show me your birth certificate. I am really... I don't believe you. What are you, Trump? What am I, Ice Agent? What am I, Obama? But wow, I'm really falling behind in this race

Starting point is 01:00:23 to get to grandchildren, because, you know. Dude, if you don't have kids yet, that's your marriage. I think you're going to be grandfather and father at the same time. Are you planning to have kids? No, are you kidding? Well, that's a good decision. Of course it was a great decision for me.

Starting point is 01:00:39 I mean, people are different. I don't think everybody has to have kids. They certainly don't. The place is overpopulated anyway. I think so. You've got to do it if that's what you think your mission is. There's a very big movement. I mean, Elon Musk is one of these guys.

Starting point is 01:00:51 Oh my god, like, repopulated with all the his sperm. I mean, if you're a billionaire, I guess there's a lot of incentive. But he's not the only one. A lot of people are on this tip that we need to like have more babies. The Trump administration. What kind of babies though? White babies? That's part of it.

Starting point is 01:01:10 Yeah, yeah, let's talk about the real mission. I think that is definitely part of it, is that they see themselves getting outbreeded, and it's true, you know. But I mean, this country was a Native American country. That was the big population here. We were all Native American. And then until the Great Extermination, 95% of us disappeared off the Americas, out of

Starting point is 01:01:34 the Americas. When you say us, you're talking about like indigenous people. Indigenous people. I mean, yeah, yeah. I'm indigenous, so yeah. But you're, I mean, Colombian, come on, this Spanish blood in you too. Oh yeah, no, no, I'm not fully indigenous. You're not one of those with the bowler hat.

Starting point is 01:01:49 You know, the one just. Oh my God, the Peruvians, I love that. The women adopted that hat that is the dopest thing. What is that all about, that black, brown hat? I think it was a bad shipment of bowler hats that got sent to Bolivia and the women loved them and they would take the whole shipment of it and it became part of the culture. But it was a British bowler hat. I wonder if you looked up on Pornhub, you could get one where the girl was wearing that

Starting point is 01:02:19 while she's blowing a guy. I bet you could. Oh, I bet you can find anything. That's what I'm saying. You can request that. I don't want that. I'm just curious play it go on the app field Fe e l do you want to do it? I don't want to see it. I just trying to help I don't use field don't don't but if you want to ask for like a bondage

Starting point is 01:02:39 Oh, no, I don't don't you want to ask me if it's spanking or pinky up the ass? Don't write. Go to field. I don't have any stake in it. Looking for Bolivian blowjob, and I'm not. I'm just curious about things. But you're a curious man. I'm very curious.

Starting point is 01:02:56 And that's what keeps you young. I think so. Absolutely. Well, I think a few things keep you young. What else? What else keeps you young? The pot. For me, works for me.

Starting point is 01:03:05 What else? It's an energy drug for me. Gives you energy? Yeah, more energetic. I would never do it before I slept. That would be the opposite of... Wow, that's crazy. I take them to go to sleep to get that velvet dream.

Starting point is 01:03:17 Yeah, many people do. We all have different body chemistries. Yeah, we do, absolutely. That's why we all do. Like, cap and stems make me feel the most content I've ever felt in my life, but then some of my other friends get serotonin depletion and I get so mad depressed the following day.

Starting point is 01:03:33 You, well, you are definitely getting serotonin depletion from mushrooms. That's a fact. How much it affects you like the next day? Not barely. That's good, because it's a micro dose. Yeah, yeah, a caper stem is tiny, yeah. I remember doing mushrooms the first or second time I did it,

Starting point is 01:03:49 and it was at that point, I just left college, I was living in New York in an apartment in Spanish Harlem. Oh, look at you, you're Spanish again. Go to your... 99th Street. 99th Street, definitely. Spanish Harlem. I remember I had one of my first jokes was like, I live in such a cultured neighborhood,

Starting point is 01:04:09 everyone is practicing their Spanish all the time. Did you pick up any good words? Go in your... Por favor, I learned. Por favor is good, that's good, please. Is he always pleased? That's about it. I'm not a cunning linguist.

Starting point is 01:04:23 But... But a lingual cunning linguist. I was living on 99th Street. Spanish Harlem. Spanish Harlem. On the east side. What was I telling you? Yeah, it was a five-floor walk-up.

Starting point is 01:04:38 Five floors. Kept you in shape. Oh, really did. And it was between Thirdrd and LACS. Oh yeah, deepen it, deepen it. And it wasn't in the triple digits, 99th. So you know. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:54 But it was right at the border. I think the border was what, 96th Street or something like that? Of Spanish Harlem? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, because my cousin lived on 98th and Fifth Avenue in Spanish Harlem. What were the addresses you remember? Well, I lived in Queens.

Starting point is 01:05:12 All your life? Yeah. Corona, East Elmhurst. You never lived there? Oh, yeah, yeah. When I went to college, I went to NYU, so I was in Manhattan. Yeah. And then I lived all over the place.

Starting point is 01:05:22 I lived at the Whitby. You must be ecstatic about the new mayor. We don't have a new mayor yet. You know, well, I mean, you must be ecstatic that the Democratic candidate is... Bandani, Bandani. This is Amboni. Zoran Bandani.

Starting point is 01:05:38 Yes. Yeah, yeah. I'm still learning the name, no disrespect. No, no, no, I don't feel disrespected. You must be thrilled about that. I like him, yeah. I'm a Democratic socialist, no disrespect. No, no, no, I don't feel disrespected. You must be thrilled about that. I like him, yeah. I'm a democratic socialist, so yeah. Right, I mean, one of yours is getting in.

Starting point is 01:05:51 Yeah, yeah. And wow, we'll see how that goes. We'll see how that goes. I mean, we still have a long way to go. Everybody's now backing Eric Adams. Well. Not everybody that I'm friends with, but I know a lot of New York movers and shakers

Starting point is 01:06:08 are backing Eric Adams now. I read today that the people Cuomo did the best with were the people that Mondani was targeting the most, the working class black and Latino. No, no, Mond he did well with Latinos. He didn't do well with blacks. Okay, there you go. I don't know why. I think because they've seen this movie before

Starting point is 01:06:32 about being somebody who has promising stuff that cannot possibly be delivered. No, he might be able to deliver. I mean, do you feel like Eric Adams delivered? Please. No, no, but I like. Tough on crime, yeah, right. He wasn't, I like Eric Adams delivered? Please. No, no, but I like. Tough on crime? Yeah, right.

Starting point is 01:06:47 He wasn't, I like Eric. He wasn't tough enough, man. I mean, New York is doing fine. I think it's doing okay. We just have to deal with the, like you guys gotta deal with the homeless situation. But you know, Reagan in the 1980s, before 1980, you were able to institutionalize people.

Starting point is 01:07:02 I mean, the thing they got Eric for was the connection with Turkey, the bribes. Remember that? Like the country of Turkey. And it was like, okay, it wasn't what he should have been doing exactly, accepting hotel rooms or whatever. He should be accepting anything. I know, but it was like, of all the things people do in this world. I mean, the meme coin, Trump's meme coin, like, come on, that's real.

Starting point is 01:07:29 That's a real Ponzi scheme. Right. Or the dude in New Jersey, Menendez. Oh, Menendez. Succo, I'm sorry, John. The Egyptian guy, he took how much money did he take? Gold bricks, he took gold bricks. A Latino, I'm gonna put one for the white. When the whites get one, they're one. Menendez putting gold bricks.

Starting point is 01:07:45 I'll give you that one. I'll give you that one. Menendez putting gold bricks. Oh. Okay. And his wife, too, when she was taking the other gold bricks. Of all the corrupt things that people do, to, like, be, like, that apoplectic about his taking a hotel room from Turkey, like Turkey,

Starting point is 01:08:07 okay, so he did some favors for Turkey. It just, it reminded me of when they threw, went on a writer out of show business for like 12 years because she shoplifted. I'm like, of all the crazy things that people do and the sins and the crimes and the shitty stuff. That's insane. I mean, that canceling culture is crazy. And this is the big deal breaker for you? No, no, that wasn't my deal breaker for him.

Starting point is 01:08:31 No, not for you, but I'm just saying, like, there is just no rhyme or reason. His mismanagement is what bugs me. No rhyme or reason to, like, the punishment level for the crime that goes on in show business. People do the worst sort of things and the punishment is fairly benign and then they do nothing. Like shoplift. I mean, so she had a bad day.

Starting point is 01:08:54 I just wanted to lift, I don't know. She wanted some stuff that she liked and she didn't wanna pay for it. Or she just was having a moment and said, Opie nail polish, I'm gonna just fucking take it. I'll take it. And it's like, and you can't.

Starting point is 01:09:09 Who hasn't shoplifted in their life? Come on, I shoplifted a ton when I was a kid. Baseball cards. Baseball cards, toys. All I cared about was baseball cards. Oh, toys, I always wanted toys. Yeah. Did you play baseball growing up?

Starting point is 01:09:21 Yes. What position? Well, I was a second baseman. Oh, you got to have a good arm. Also a pitcher. I remember one of my wonderfulest moments was I was brought in as a relief pitcher and won the big game.

Starting point is 01:09:38 Oh, you won it. I remember leaving Hoffman Field. That's the best feeling, man. And people, it was like my first time. You felt like a star. First time I ever felt Hoffman Field. That's the best feeling, man. And like, people, it was like my first time. You felt like a star. First time I ever felt like a star. Yeah, yeah, it was a great feeling. People were like, fat in the back.

Starting point is 01:09:52 And I was like, yeah, and I must have been all of eight years old or something. Oh, wow. Eight? Well, it was literally, it was Pee-Wee League. Wow. And my father was the coach of the team, because he worked nights radio,

Starting point is 01:10:06 so we could practice on a Wednesday afternoon or something. And he kind of was more hard on me because he wanted to overcompensate for being dad the coach. So I should have been the starting pitcher. I had a very strong arm. And he put this other guy who just grooved it and they started to like light him up and they brought me in and I...

Starting point is 01:10:30 Close, you're closer man. Clutch, you're clutch. That's the most fun man. And I was a little wild which scared the kids. I was a little Don Drysdale like, fuck you, get off that little chin music. Yeah, yeah, come on, get out of here. Maybe you'll be crowding the plate. But are you a big Mets fan?

Starting point is 01:10:47 Yeah, I'm a big Mets fan, because I'm from Queens. You know I was a minority owner for 10 years. No. Absolutely. With the Will Ponds. The Will Ponds. From 2011.

Starting point is 01:10:56 Steve Cohen is now the owner, he's great. One of the bought us out. His wife's Puerto Rican, yeah. Part of whatever money I do have, is partly because of Steve Cohen. Really? I'm just comfortable. Oh, good, good.

Starting point is 01:11:08 You deserve to be comfortable. Absolutely. I'm not begrudging your wealth. All the years that I did stand up, I just stopped doing it six months ago. All those years, I always took a private plane. That was my- That was your thing. That was your guilty pleasure.

Starting point is 01:11:24 Exactly. Why not? Exactly. How much was your thing. That was your guilty pleasure. Exactly. I wanted to... Why not? Exactly. How much was it? I mean, it's not that much anyway. Well, I mean, plainly I could... You didn't own the plane. You just rented it for the... Every time because I didn't want to... What is it, 50K?

Starting point is 01:11:33 Didn't want to own one. Depends on where you went. Right, right. I mean, you could go to Vegas or San Francisco for 15. From here? From here. Oh yeah, yeah. So close by, yeah. But New York? No. I mean it was. New York would be like a 60, 70? Yeah, if you want to get home. Yeah, if you don't want to drop

Starting point is 01:11:51 in the middle here. On the way back, you were fighting the wind, so you refueled in Kansas. The Western League. I've taken a few private plays in my life. But that ate up a lot of the profit from stand-up. Yeah, it eats-up. But I wouldn't have done the gigs if I couldn't have done it that way. You're not going to drive there. No, I mean, I tape real-time on Friday night. You're not going to bus it. Have you done the tour buses? I literally couldn't have gotten there. Oh, I did once when I was young.

Starting point is 01:12:21 It's exhausting. I couldn't sleep and then I had to do show, and then another show. The bed was a hammock. Yeah. This was the Frankie Valli tour, I was opening for him in 1982, 20th anniversary of Sherry. Sherry, Sherry, Sherry. Okay, so there. So singing's not your thing.

Starting point is 01:12:40 Not my thing at all. Not at all. You were opening for it but not singing. You were opening and doing comedy. Thank God. No, I was the chimp up there while they were getting their seeds. And I was on the tour bus. And man, yes, it was a hammock.

Starting point is 01:12:57 That's what you slept in. A hammock on a bus. Oh my God. Bouncing the whole entire time. I was nauseous. I didn't sleep a wink. No, I couldn't. And then I had to on a bus. Oh my God, bouncing the whole entire time, I was nauseous. I didn't sleep a wink. No, I couldn't. And then I had to do a show,

Starting point is 01:13:07 a two hour show by myself, and one minute show. No, I got to the next gig, and of course it was blinding light, and it was nine in the morning or whatever, we drove all night. I went to the hotel and went to sleep. The crew had to like go to work.

Starting point is 01:13:22 Oh yeah, that's crazy. If they didn't sleep on the bus, they just didn't sleep. They went right from the bus to building the stage. That is a... That's a rugged life. That's tough. Touring is not, I mean touring can be inspiring and amazing

Starting point is 01:13:37 but it can also be freaking exhausting. You know what's exhausting? Acting. Acting? I just did, you know, in the eighties, I did a lot of acting. Did sitcoms and silly cons. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. Which shows? Which shows? Okay, well, my debut was as a guest star on Alice. Alice! I love that show. I did, I played a cop who arrested Flo or one of the dingbats.

Starting point is 01:14:07 And then I did two episodes of Murder, She Wrote as a guest star. Oh, Angela Landsberg. Absolutely. That was in the, that was 90s? That was 90s. DC Cab. DC Cab. Winner of 11 Academy Awards.

Starting point is 01:14:24 Pizza Man, of course, whichever one remembers. I mean, yeah. Cannibal Women and the Avocado Jungle of Death. I mean, I did a lot of, and then I did a series. Well, B to you. I did. Yeah, B to everybody. Sarah with Gina Davis in 1985.

Starting point is 01:14:41 Gina Davis, how tall is she, huh? She was tall. Tall drink of water. Yes. Did you hit is she, huh? She was tall. Tall drink of water. Yes. Did you hit on her? No, it was great. I mean, every guy I knew was like, oh my God, you're working with Gina Davis.

Starting point is 01:14:55 She's a beautiful woman, not my type. Not your type. And it just, so we, there was no sexual mischemistry. So you had a great time. Right. Then I did a showtime, when Showtime was a network starting out, called Hard Knocks. I was two, if you can believe it John, two mismatched detectives. And who was the other detective?

Starting point is 01:15:17 Tommy Hinkley, he was a redneck and I was a hippie. We were mismatched. Oh yeah, odd couple. The odd couple. It was the odd couple as detectives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two strange guys together and she would, hilarity ensues. Hilarity. Mayhem. Then I did a series with Sam Kinison.

Starting point is 01:15:33 Oh, the late, great Sam. Oh, I love that guy. Oh, oh, oh! That yelling. Yeah, that's not how I felt about him after we worked together. Oh, he was an ass? Well, he was on heroin, so he would always keep everybody waiting for like eight hours while he was like this

Starting point is 01:15:49 in the makeup chair. So you know. But that was called Charlie Hoover. And he played a little miniaturized devil on the main character's shoulder. They mini- okay. And I was, of course, the office creep. Of course. Of course.

Starting point is 01:16:10 Typecast. I did the movie House 2, the sequel to House. Remember House? No, which, when was House? House. Was that a horror movie? It was a horrible movie. Horror, horrible, What's the difference?

Starting point is 01:16:26 No, the first one was such a hit they made a sequel. It was like a comedy about a haunted house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I know what you're talking about. Who did you play in that? Not the part I wanted. They were looking at me really hard for this, I guess, the lead, and I think Michael McKean got it. Oh, Michael McKean, yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:47 Yeah, so I'm still better about that. Great actor. So yes, I had quite the career. You have a resume there, that's for sure. So anyway, last week, my new friend, Chris Pratt, he does a great series on Amazon called The Terminalist. He plays a Navy SEAL Amazon called The Terminalist. He plays a Navy SEAL and he wanted me to do, you know, lend, lend.

Starting point is 01:17:09 Spotlight cameo. Well, as myself on the set with, you know, two of the people who I know because I watch the series that are, and it's as if, you know, to lend verisimilitude to the situation. So, but it was like a three page scene. I mean, so I wanted to do my best.

Starting point is 01:17:25 I learned my lines and we shot it after the last taping of real time. It took a couple hours. And I just remembered, wow, this is hard. First of all, learning lines. Oh my God, at our age, forget it. This shit is like a... How do you do it?

Starting point is 01:17:41 Dude, it's not easy anymore. It's so shitty. I used to have a photographic memory. Really? But now there's a lens cap forget it. That shit is like a... How do you do it? Dude, it's not easy anymore. It's so shitty. I used to have a photographic memory. It's really? But now there's a lens cap over it. I don't know. It's foggy.

Starting point is 01:17:51 My photographic memory does not photograph anymore. I have to spend months learning lines now. Months? Yeah. But I mean, especially like the series Smoke I did, I had so much dialogue. I had to learn it months ahead because it's five episodes that I'm in, and I had a ton of dialogue. Like pages and pages. It really sucks.

Starting point is 01:18:09 It's a lot of work. And then there's a lot of waiting, enacting, just waiting. And they pay you to wait is what they have to say. I know, but it's like you can never really relax when you're waiting. No, not relax. How can you relax? Because you're going to do another take.

Starting point is 01:18:23 Yeah. So you can't let your mind just go. No, no, you can't. So you're kind. No, you're not relaxed. How can you be relaxed? Because you're gonna do another take. Yeah. So you can't let your mind just go. No, no, you can't. So you're kind of anxious all day. You're like in a coma state. You're just frozen. And then, you know. You're waiting for it to be called on

Starting point is 01:18:35 to give you your best emotions. And maybe your best take is not gonna get used because they were on somebody else or because there was a plane or something. The best take is always off camera when you're doing off camera for somebody. And I've talked to every actor, and they all say, Matt Damon, Tom Holland,

Starting point is 01:18:51 they all say that your best take is always off camera when you're relaxed. And you go, oh, that's what the fucking scene was. Because you're relaxed, you know, and you're not tense anymore. That's what I'm saying. It's a maddening business If people it's a high but it's a high when it is a hot when you do get it, right? You want to chase that yes magical? I remember nothing absolutely life equates to it

Starting point is 01:19:15 Absolutely when you nail it in your clothes up. Yeah, you know like you feel that in comedy you will say you feel it Yeah, yeah, but comedy I don't have to remember lines exactly You know, I don't have to see me a different thing my own line. Yeah. it. Yeah, but comedy, I don't have to remember lines exactly. You know, I don't have to. Oh, see we did different kinds of comedy. I'm saying my own line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine were all scripted. My one-man shows are very written.

Starting point is 01:19:32 Yeah. And I'll improvise a little bit, but most of it is like really structured and yeah, it's a different thing. You're riffing. But it's, yes. You're like on a subconscious level, yeah. Yeah, you have a structure, but you can drift from shore

Starting point is 01:19:47 knowing you'll come back to shore. But this acting shit, I mean, I tell the guy they set it all up and like, man, the equipment they have these days is like so insane from what I remember. You know, like they have this camera, like it looks like that thing in Dune. It's like this giant snake that comes right at you

Starting point is 01:20:07 from 30 feet away. The Jenny, the Jenny, and the cranes. Oh my God. I just did a Chris Nolan movie, The Odyssey. Wow. I had never seen. The Odyssey. Oh, it's incredible.

Starting point is 01:20:19 Who do you play? I play Eumaeus, the most loyal character in Western literature. Right. That's how he sold it to me. And yeah, probably true. No, it is true. But it's true.

Starting point is 01:20:30 Now that is the cradle of civilization, the Odyssey. For Western European literature, yeah. Okay, but it's 800 BC. Yeah, I mean, it's incredible. I love the Odyssey. Come on, I love it. It's a man. It's modern. And the Odyssey is just always great. Oh, yeah. It's a great read. It's a great read.

Starting point is 01:20:48 It's a great read. I mean, you remember Jason and the Argonauts? Begley, yeah. Yeah, those movies were kind of similar based on the sailor. Yeah, Jason, he was a Greek mythology character. So, like, dear, when you were younger and your kids were younger, would you make certain movies that the kids would like, oh daddy's in this one and that was like the blueberry? Hey, I did the explore door for them. Oh, for them?

Starting point is 01:21:15 Yeah, yeah. You did it for them. Yeah, so they could hear my voice, but they didn't really, I don't know if they really liked that. I tried not to work as much, that's for sure. I tried to be home a lot more for my kids. But what about when you played a bad guy? Because you have a great range.

Starting point is 01:21:30 I mean, I've seen you play really, you know. The bad guys are always the funner roles, the most exciting roles. You can really do fun things with that. Yeah, I enjoyed that. I mean, yeah, I tried. Once you have kids, you do think about your legacy You do think about what am I putting out into the airwaves?

Starting point is 01:21:48 And I tried to play a lot less villains because I just didn't want to put that out there You know, I mean I wanted my kids to see me in ways that were more positive Especially being a Latin man. I didn't want to be always a villain because there were so many roles for villain do when I started out The Ross report do you, the Ross Report, do you remember the Ross Report came out every Monday and told you what roles were available? It was like Jim Crow. It'd be like white actor, white lawyer, white doctor,

Starting point is 01:22:15 white lover, Latino drug dealer. And they wouldn't see you for any other role except the drug dealer. So I was like, you know, my chances of making it in this business are going to be difficult. I did a piece on my show a couple of years ago, probably around Oscar time, about, and I've since become friends with this director, Nancy Meyers. Oh, Nancy Meyers. Yeah, yeah. Complicated.

Starting point is 01:22:40 Oh, many amazing... Yeah, a ton of great rom-coms, yeah. And you know, we laughed at it when I finally met her because she turned out to be a big fan and she said, boy I saw you kind of go after me. I was not going after her. I just used one of her movies as an example to say that for all the people who think they're so liberal, if you look at movies only from 15 years ago you will see movies that are like so amazingly completely white. And these are made by the biggest liberal.

Starting point is 01:23:08 We're not talking about 1975. No, no. We're talking about 2010. And you can see lots of movies where they... I was making jokes about it. I said, you know, it looks like you would need a restraining order to get people... It's crazy. They were so all white. they were all white cast.

Starting point is 01:23:27 It was insane. And she wasn't the only one. I could have picked so many different movies from that era. That was just an example. It was just an example. You were going after. All these super liberal people were in her movies.

Starting point is 01:23:39 Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep. It was like Steve Martin. It's like these people who are like the liberalist of the liberal, woken and I'm like, okay. They weren't aware of the situation. It was not that long ago and you were completely okay to make a movie

Starting point is 01:23:56 where again, there must have been a restraining order. No, I agree with you. People of color keep 500 yards from this movie. Yeah, you must stay away, because it's a white-only movie. And it's just saying that life moves at the pace it's going to move. Yes, we should always be trying to move it faster, but it's only going to move as fast as it's going to move, even among the people who are supposedly the most enlightened. Right.

Starting point is 01:24:23 No, I agree with you. I mean, I feel like liberals are trying to do the best they can, but they aren't always aware of what's going on. I mean, they're not totally aware, and it's our job, activists, to make them aware, to bring it into the forefront and to not let people forget the issues. I mean, yeah, that's what we gotta do.

Starting point is 01:24:43 I'm glad you're out there doing that. Yeah, I got it. And I'm glad, I mean, I'm wrapping up because they told me you have to get to a thing, so I know you do. But what a pleasure, man. Total pleasure. Oh yeah, it's always a blast.

Starting point is 01:24:55 And I'm so glad that we can not agree on everything and still be friends. Exactly, why do we have to agree? You always entertain me so well. I've seen you in a trillion things over the years and it's always like, oh, you know, that guy's good. He's just good. You know, he's entertaining and he does, you deliver.

Starting point is 01:25:13 Like you do, you used to deliver. I never phoned it in, I'll tell you that. You got the biggest show in podcasts ever. Do I? Yeah, I think that's why I'm here. I think that's Joe. That's what I was told by my followers. I think that's Joe Rogan. No, no, I think that's why I'm here. I think that's Joe. That's what I was told by my policy. I think that's Joe Rogan.

Starting point is 01:25:26 No, no, I think you're about to unseat him. No, we're, no, but we're doing good. You can't do that, baby, come on. Let me grab this because we're going to do one last thing and while I do, yes, I'm sorry. And John. What do we get out of this? Is it a raffle? No, it looks like that.

Starting point is 01:25:42 But before we do, plug, like Guzzamo does America. Yeah, so I got this MSNBC show on the very liberal network, MSNBC. They call it MSDNC at the White House. That's fucked up. But this show is, I go around America looking for Latin excellence, Latin exceptionalism, genius. And I go to six different cities every season. And this time I went to Philadelphia, Denver, San Antonio, Phoenix, and Raleigh.

Starting point is 01:26:17 Wow. Yeah, and then I meet all these great Latino activists, Latino politicians, chefs, artists, actors. Yeah, and then we chefs, artists, actors. Yeah, and we sit down and we talk. When does this start? This starts July 6th. July 6th, perfect timing.

Starting point is 01:26:31 What a pleasure, Bill. Me too. Thank you for having me in your mansion. Not a mansion, just a piece of land. You know how long it took me to walk here? It was like a 15 minute walk from the entrance. It was. That's what we like about California.

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Club Random with Bill Maher - John Leguizamo | Club Random

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