Club Random with Bill Maher - Seth Green | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

Bill Maher sits down with Seth Green for a fast, funny conversation that zig-zags from Hollywood war stories to pop-culture philosophy – including a wild night on the town with Macaulay Culkin, Andy Dick, and Marilyn Manson that went spectacularly sideways. They trade notes on weed, hemp, and the myth-versus-merit of CBD, then dive into the child-actor reality – Gary Coleman’s hard truths, “fame without money,” and how Seth managed to avoid the pitfalls. From MTV Awards and Punk’d pranks to the anniversaries of Smashing Pumpkins and Green Day’s Dookie and American Idiot, they rewind to MTV Cribs, recount an undercover poker prank, and even debate the most important question of all: are comic books literature? Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support our Advertisers: It’s summer, and it's time to heat up your strategy before your competitors beat you to it. Go to ⁠⁠https://www.RadioActiveMedia.com⁠⁠ or text RANDOM to 511-511. Message and Data Rates May Apply. Get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for 1 year at https://www.factormeals.com/random50off Get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at https://www.nutrafol.com and enter promo code RANDOM Find Zyn at a store near you at https://www.zyn.com/find Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

But that's a fair point. Thank you, darling. Our anniversary is going to be so much. Do you like cake? There are options. I was the first one to say that. That was my joke. I'm not here to debate that, but he, uh, he, he, he, uh.

You got Seth Green? We're over here. We'll do a fucking show. How are you? How are you? Good, how you do? You look the same as ever. Yes. Really, you do. You have the same exact look.

Yeah? I mean, I haven't seen you in person in forever. It's been a minute. I feel like the last time I saw you was like, if it wasn't McFarland's birthday party. Probably. Maybe it like, do you remember that? Maybe the chateau. It feels like the last time I really saw you in person. Maybe after that at the Emmy something, something Emmys. I mean, Seth and I, who I adore so much and some of his paraphernalia is around here somewhere. Yeah. But one birthday party, we did have a big fight about it because it was COVID, you know, and he was like, he was a COVID paranoid.

I'm sorry, I love him, but I think that's my view. He would say, I'm whatever, I'm not an anti-vaxxer at all. But, you know, we've had that, we once had a screaming match in the middle of the tower bar over dinner about this. But that's what friends do. I think so. Real friends talk. And sometimes yell, and then you come back to loving. Yeah, I've always valued civil discourse.

I brought some weed. I know you like weed. Do you have your own weed? I grow it here. You do? Yeah, right? I mean, probably 10 feet away, there's a pot plant growing. You're kidding.

What kind of is it like, what do you have indica's? What do you like? Well, you know, I have an old friend who went to prison for pot. Todd McCormick, he's a famous pot revolutionary. Yeah. I've done a lot as much as anyone for the corn. because he, now he's into seeds, you know, he's got a huge seed business. No, I brought my own.

I don't trust you. You don't trust me? I love you, but I don't trust you because I only want to grow the stuff that I know is super clean, grown here. Sure. And he's providing, you know, his thing is seeds now. Well, I'm happy to try you as if you're shared. Please do.

Absolutely. It's $10. Okay. I got, do you take crypto? Here, we don't have to share like a share. the sixies, we could just do too far away. Isn't that the best part? Like, I remember super illegal weed, and I remember, like,

don't you remember when, like, I feel like it was the early 90s, Woody Harrelson got arrested for, like, planting wheat. Don't you remember this? Not weed, hemp. Yeah, just hemp. Don't you remember? But, I mean, the reason why that's a whole different kettle of fish is that he was making the point that hemp, which is also illegal,

not weed. And if you don't believe me, try to get high on it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's a cousin of weed, but, you know, it was used to, the parchment at the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution or some old document is signed on it. Yeah. And you can use it to make a sailboat, you can use it to make a parish, you know. You can't use it to get high without a lot of chemical processing.

Yeah. Well, it has to be mixed with the THC variety. I mean, that's what a lot of CBD oils and stuff, do you use that? stuff do you rub that on your dick yeah oh as hard and as vigorously as possible i don't think it's me too i don't know if it's a CBD that's making me feel good when i do that might just be the friction i bet that's what i'm thinking i don't know but i don't know kind of friction you into not the kind with the hollywood community but there's certainly well i'll tell you what bill like i just that's why i don't go to anybody's house i just that stay home i don't talk on the press

line i mean not like that but i kind of just never really really early on, I just recognized before everybody was sort of toxified by social media in general or empowered to speak their most immediate reaction without any kind of truth. But even more that just like react, just react. Like I knew you just don't fuck with faith, right? Like you don't get at somebody about their theological core stuff, the stuff that they share with only themselves, truly. Like there's really no fucking with.

If somebody believes something, like, that's theirs to believe. But I also believe in differences of opinion. I also believe in people being able to have a conversation and marvel at each other's differences. Of course not. Of course not. It's gotten so much worse and so much shittier. And I really struggle with that. I think the most I struggle with that, like having to adjust my worldview to see this volume of active division and hate.

and hate wandering. But, of course, the difference with us is I have to. This is what I do for a living is talk about issues. You got to get into it. And you, smart, shouldn't. And don't.

Yeah, but here I am on your show. This is funny. I realize this is going to be the longest conversation we ever have. Specifically for not necessarily doing that. Oh, good. But you and I have known each other long enough and we're both come from comedy enough to talk about that.

Like, I love stand-up. I love comedy. It's probably one of my favorite. I mean, obviously, we didn't do a very good job of communication, because the number one thing we've tried to communicate, obviously, failingly, is that I started this because I have a show about politics. Right. And there's a million other things to talk about. Now, this show has... You're saying I didn't do enough homework.

Which is not you. They probably sent me a lot of emails and texts, and I have a really bad time reading any of that. I get a lot of emails every day. Okay, all right. We'll blame it on that. But whatever it is. Now, sometimes it veers into that, depending on the guests. Sure, because I have no agenda.

I have pot and liquor. And that's it. And I, all my life, wanted to do a show. Who rolls these and tobacco leaves for you? Because that's, that's a move. No, this is not tobacco. I promise. There's no tobacco.

What is it? What's this problem? You know, it's just, it's the, it's a healthy kind. There you got filters and everything. This is smooth. Yeah. I'm telling you. I'm trying to, I'm saying.

I'm trying to, like, live. You're 70? Yeah, what are you? I'm 51. I would have put you at maybe 64, maybe 65. Okay, well, I've shaved off five years. What a thrill. Don't you feel like it's so different now?

Like, I even look at pictures of Ted Knight. Ted Knight? Yeah, Ted Knight. And he was, like, 41. And he looked like he was 80. Conrad Bain was like, I don't even think he was 40 when he was making different strokes. He was playing the young, rich guy on that show. Why do young girls now want to, like, do shit that makes them look older?

What do you mean? I mean, like, a lot of times, they're like, well, for example, beauty, you know, Miss Universe type, you know, beauty contestants. They're 19 and they look 40. Like, how do you just because they've done, like, surgery. I'm asking. I mean, yes, and then you don't know if it'll be a beauty contestant. They do things to themselves, I think. that make them look older.

Yeah, yeah, as a kid performer, I can tell you that's always been the push is to make anything younger look older. I don't know why. I don't know what sense that makes. I'm talking about a normal 19-year-old girl. Why is she doing plastic surgery at the very age when you don't need it?

Nature is social. I think that's the social media. Of course. I think the social media is absolutely. You know, there was a, I have to scientifically recognize that we're still in the early beta of any of these social constructs. Like, even the idea, we're just entering into generations that are born without it ever having not been there. Like, it's always been this way. But I think there should be, I see all these legal gatekeepers across internet porn.

I think the socials should have the same kind of checks, right? They're trying to docks people over internet porn. You know what I'm saying? The state keeps around porn. A lot of these states and countries have passed laws that you can't watch anything. Like you can't... Seems like there's everything on there. Right, right.

But you're... A lot of these sites, like your major traffic, it's now requiring you some kind of, like, personal doxing. Like, this is who I am as a human. This is my age and my driver's license. And I just think that that's not clear. cool at all like asking people to sign up. But isn't that just to make sure they're not underage?

It is. But also, now you've got a database of that. You know what I mean? Now you've got a database of people that are watching porn. Also, I think it's a fool's iron to think that you can outsmart a 13-year-olds. I know you're talking to the original Napster. Right.

Yeah. No, right. But aren't I right about that? Yeah, of course. Like, the people will always figure out how to get it for free. I don't think that's it. It's more like the idea of the law coming into place where someone can get arrested for getting porn illegally or porn before they're willing to give up their civil liberty of their name and their driver's license number it is amazing that at 51 you still kind of have retained your cred as you know a tribune of the youth you think so yeah i mean that's who i mean that's who you are

you kind of is again you don't look at your age you know it's like you know part of it is because you're short. I think so, too, right? Nobody's like, they're like this kid. Well, you know, it's like you look like I'm watching Wednesday, you know, which is such a fun show. And it helps that she's short. So little, yeah.

You know, because she obviously is not a kid, but she, you know, that size, against all the adults in the cast. Yeah. And they cast like big people too. Right. I think that's part of it. But, you know, you just have a youthful way and, you know, I don't know. Thanks.

It's very hard to do. to start as a child. I mean, you started as a child. I didn't get famous when I was a kid, and I think that's really the key in it. I was in it, but I was in it as sort of like a character actor in the weirdest way. And since I was just sort of on the edges of all this shit,

I worked all the time, but I never got any of these big showy roles. I was just sort of the other guy in the movie. And that, I think, helped give me some credibility, helped me build my own skill set, help me really build up discipline and also humility. And then I got to watch person after person after person fuck it up again and again and again.

Right. Do all the different means to the point where I was like, wow, never going to do that. Maybe if you had become famous at that age, right now you'd be humping parked cars like some of these fucking... Right? Hey, look, you know, don't kink shame, Bill. I mean, you of all people...

No, but I'm just saying... What do you mean of all people? Come on, man. You try to keep everybody else. your bedroom same as any american person like stay the fuck out my bedroom would do whatever i want yeah but i don't but you don't know if you want to hump park cars bill like i'm not trying to tell you that's not okay just make sure it's your car and that the car is consensual i'm just saying there's a lot of nutty things that have happened with child actors i mean they they they the percentage

it seems i don't know you know i don't know people of other uh uh pursuits in life as much as i know and we read about, of course, people in show business, but it seems like a greater percentage of them do crack up and become, I mean, kooky, you know, like homeless crazy kind of kooky. It's very hard. And there's a thing that a lot of people don't understand is that even if you stay famous,

even if you don't have any money. And that's what happened to Gary Coleman, was like Gary couldn't get work, and he just couldn't get work. So there's no way for Gary to make money there weren't the same kind of mechanisms in place now for people to do trade shows or fan expose to make money being Gary Coleman.

And so he had to suffer indignity after indignity. He lost all his money in one way or another. His parents totally fucked him over so much so that there were laws written on his behalf. And it sucks that that kid had to go through all that just to show these other kids how to not do it. But there's nothing, there's no safety net for kid actors. You're really on your own.

You make such a great point. there that people don't think about, wealth is associated with fame. Yeah, right? So if you are, as you say, famous but don't have any money, then you have this double humiliation of what are you doing on the subway? I know why I'm on the subway. There's no shame in me being on the subway. Why you work in the security guard gig?

Right. Yeah, poor fucking Gary. I remember Army Hammer was selling real estate in the behind. for a minute. I buy a house from that guy. The kitchen was a little different. You know, it's got really big ovens. He sat here.

I was happy to do my part in Reuben. Harvey did. Sat here? Yeah. I loved him in, there was a movie. He's not a cannibal. He and Henry Cavill did the man from Uncle, and it was so fucking great.

I love the man from Uncle with Alicia Vikander. Yes, isn't she the best? She's very attractive, young. lady yes well yeah yeah that too oh that's what i thought oh that i was saying no she's amazing i've seen her play a bunch of different ways she's super convincing yeah she looks the part though but most people and she you know could have been wednesday is what i you're not wrong you know no that that girl's the jena ortega she's perfect for that part she has you better kills it no me neither i don't go i don't go out to a lot of uh i mean i go out more than you apparently you just

You seem to be saying that you're just a complete stay at home. I'm not a, well... But you're married, right? I am married, yeah. We have an almost three-year-old that keeps me home a lot. Oh, well, you go. You've got the... But I go out.

I do, you know, I do the stuff that feels like the prom stuff. You know what I'm saying? Like, I went to that. Not really, but I kind of do what, like award shows? Well, yeah, yeah. You go to the stuff that is like your peers at this moment in the year. I love the Vanity Fair Oscar party. Right on.

So there's like a particular party you go to where you go to, It's like, I know everybody here. This is great. I don't know everybody there, but I know who everybody is there. And it's fun, like a petting zoo is fun, to stand in the middle of a room and see nothing but stars. And everybody knows you. Everybody knows you. Yeah.

I mean, I wouldn't say everybody because there are certain demographics that are elusive. Let's glide over that. But, you know, anyone who knows, like, you know, what the, what? war in Ukraine is probably knows who I am but yes they're up you know look this is Hollywood never underestimate what people don't know in this town this is not you're not wrong it is not a town people's blind spots it is not built on knowledge it is it is built on talent they are Sally Field one said it she said you know this town is full of shit but they adore talent and it's true and they're very good at

finding it you know I always think for the people who are like, well, I never got my break. Well, it's possible you could have just gotten bad breaks, that's true. But generally the cream rises to the top. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive Amex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot track side. So being a fan

for life turns into the trip of a lifetime. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Pre-sale tickets for future events subject to availability and varied by race. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Mex.com.com. Maybe it's just a phase you're going through. You'll get over it.

with that. The next appointment is in six months. You're not alone. Finding mental health support shouldn't leave you feeling more lost. At CAMH, we know how frustrating it can be trying to access care. We're working to build a future where the path to support is clear, and every step forward feels like progress. Not another wrong turn.

Visit camh.ca to help us forge a better path for mental health care. It is stuff I did notice in there, because I've had different moments I've gotten to work on all kinds of of sets like first type director indies and like massive studio projects that have the full weight of multiple companies behind them in it i mean like austin powers yeah like austin powers italian job yeah what's that when we made without a paddle paramount yeah big a big budget yeah yeah i got to do that movie big box office movies yeah exactly the thing i got to do with uh travota and robin williams they had a ton of money behind that what was that It's called Old Dogs for Disney. Oh, yeah, of course, yeah.

A old dog. I know, right. He's got me with a costumed man. I'll get a gorilla. There's a whole... There's a whole genre now. I call them Geezer movies where, you know, these are movies where actors who were huge stars.

You have to be a huge star to begin with. For decades. Now we're 80. And there obviously is an appetite from the public. a certain person, but to still see Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Morgan Freeman. So, I mean, what kind of script can you have for an idiot? There have to be geezer movies.

They have bad grandpa, you know. Or like that Heist movie that Zach direct, Zach Braff directed, that had like Morgan in it, Michael Kane in it, the Heist movie. I'm telling you, it's a whole... Don't you remember like Grumpy Old Men? Don't you remember like Short Circuit, not Short Circuit, batteries not included a cocoon even.

Like, this has always been a thing. Like, we always watch. I think this is, I think it's more now. Yes, they always did that. But I feel like in the old days, no, they put you about to pasture and the actors had more dignity. You know, they were Carrie Grantish, Greta Garbo-ish, like, I've had my moment. It moved in the 80s. You got your Hume Cronins, your Jessica Taney's.

Yeah, that was one movie. I feel like now what they do is they seg into their, they were known as great, you know, dramatic actors. but they seg into the comedy world. You're talking specifically about Helen Mirren and stuff like Red. Helen and I'm telling you, De Niro, Morgan Freeman, Al Pacino. Deiro's got a lot of child care to pay. You know, he's doing those movies. I'm not knocking it.

Oh. I'm just saying it's a phenomenon that we did not use to have to this level. I don't know. We could compare release things, but I do take your point. I'm arguing harder than this than I do about terrorists. No, it's really fun. Hey, here's the whole thing about nothing that matters. So tell me about your life, like, so you're married.

You got married, like, what most people would say late in life, right? I guess so, yeah, I was in my later 30s. But I, you know, I went. Oh, later 30s. Yeah. How long have you been married? We've been married 15 years. Wow.

I know. Crazy, right? That's crazy to think about. Neither one of us thought that was going to happen to us. Neither you were your wife or me or you. No, no, neither me or my wife. We both just had been through a lot of life. We both had had a lot of experience and sort of learned a lot about ourselves and about what we wanted, what we didn't want.

You know, I learned a lot of... That's smart. No one's ready to get married before. That's a perfect time to get married if you're going to do it. It works for me. It works for me. I really can't, like, prescribe anybody anything. But I felt like we lucked out in a lot of ways.

And I learned a lot of shit on other girls' time, you know? There's really nothing you can do about it. We all do. And we all, well, I'm not going to speak for everybody. I have some guilt about that. Of course. Not that I really should have guilt, because how could you help it? You're young and you're dumb and you've got to learn.

And if you're learning, you know, comedy, you do it in front of an audience and your bomb and it's painful. And it's got to, you inflicted that pain on that audience who had to sit through your shitty. I like this metaphor. learning phase and it's the same thing with relationships yeah you know there are things that i did like oh my god i can't believe i was that stupid nothing horrific just like dumbass shit that you just would never do now yeah uh and uh you know yes but i i i all i can assume is that the girl was to a degree doing that on guys too now of course girls mature much faster so i think their phase of being dumb ends a lot quicker than ours.

I don't know. It just depends on, I think I have, I discovered at least for myself that each of the longer term relationships I was in, there was a bit of me trying on some other persona for size, right, where this was a girl who had this way and she came from this and seemed like that and like these things and we had this in common and let's see how this goes. You know what I mean? It was not, like I look at other people and I see, oh, you dated all these girls with dark hair with bangs it's like a very specific oh never a girl without tattoos or only a girl from

this city or you know what i mean really yeah of course don't you know people with well a type yeah i don't feel like i had a type i just sort of tried a lot of things on for size yeah i would say i'm the same way i mean my type was hot because i was just young and horny what kind of things drive you what do you think when you consider hot like can a girl be hot if not if she's not physically attractive no what I mean that's I mean that that's that's not even in that's that's not even one-on-one well here's this thing I can give you I'm sorry but that's just the truth no no I understand you know that's different what's different hot to you may not be hot to me that's totally fair but you know it's totally fair and by the way it's something everybody would

agree on wouldn't it be funny if I was like that's not fair we're going to fight about this you seem to want to fight about everything which is fine up more than happy to fight Do I seem like I want to fight? I feel like you're like I say X, you say Y, kind of person. I mean to, I don't mean to be like that. You can be. It doesn't bother me. It's kind of fun.

Okay. For a half hour. What the fuck are you talking about, Bill? We're not going to do this. Yeah. But I had a girlfriend once who was just like that. Like why I was in this relationship, I don't know. It was dumb.

But I'd say X, she'd say Y. I mean, it's just tedious. Yeah. But no, I mean, look, people just don't agree on everything, and that's fine. but we were talking about pulling hot girls once you got famous

no we weren't we weren't actually talking about that we were talking about no no we were talking about circling around you just wanted to get to that we were talking about what constitutes attraction

and if hotness was a part of it and like I said of course it is but it depends on what you think is hot would you mean you know Billy Corgan was here Oh, that's so cool.

Yeah, very cool. I really like him. I just got to meet him for the first time. I was at a, there was a big music festival, and Green Day played. I don't know if you know this, but they're touring, like, the anniversaries of both. They do the theme to my show. You know, they perform the theme to the real time. Oh, that's amazing.

If you had anybody on here, like, Mike would come on here in a second, I'm sure. I want them all. I've had Billy Joe on the show on real-time years ago. This kind of long form, though, fuck. I'd never, oh, I'd love, I mean, I love, I'm such a fan of their music. Yeah, they're the fucking best. They put on a show, but I got to see Pumpkins play beforehand. They were on a great show at this festival, and then Green Day played the anniversary.

It's like the 20th anniversary of American Idiot and the 30th anniversary of Duky, and they just put up a big balloon and play the whole fucking record. It's so cool, man. They sound unbelievable. They look insane. I can't believe it. And they're all like really adults. I've been seeing these guys play music over 20 years. Like I saw them the first time had to be like 94, 95.

Yeah, sure. The first time I saw them, it's amazing to see them now. They're just unbelievable. It's amazing. I mean, they're a great band, and it's amazing how many great bands. And really, why shouldn't they? But continue on. I mean, the Rolling Stones were on tour this year.

They're post-80. Have you gotten to see them? Yeah. I've only gotten to see them one time, and they were awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Really awesome. They know what they're doing.

Yeah. It is cool they're still doing it. Oh my God, did you see the Spinal Tap movie? Not yet, but Rob was here a couple of you. He was. I love him so much. I think I froze up. Like, looking back, I went to the premiere.

I saw everybody. I've known Michael McKeon for a long time because I made a movie with his wife when I was a child, which is hilarious. So when we see each other at all this shit, it's like, oh, hey, remember me, I was a kid. Anyway, I tried really hard to find it in to talk to Christopher Guest that I was. just he you know how it is man you have one of these things and you're like very far away from a person and you're sort of catch each other's eye right and you're like trying to must up the courage to give like a head knot or something and before you know the other person's like

yes it's kind of chris guest in a nutshell like that's every experience i've ever had i mean i don't know him but i met him once and i did have the same experience yeah and that just could might just be because he's shy i mean some people are just legitimately shy yeah yeah yeah And that's why I'm not, I don't take it personally. I just always wish I could be cooler. Let's not be hypocrites. I'm sure there are people who you've done the head turn too because you didn't want to talk to them.

Yeah, never on, it's never like, oh, I don't want to talk to that person. It's always like, oh, shit, I'm personally, I don't know, it's always like I'm embarrassed of something and don't feel comfortable talking to the person. You know what I mean? Some kind of like insecurity. Okay, two words. Andy Dick.

No, I'm kidding. I'm just saying. Buddy, I was there the night that Marilyn Manson punched Andy Dick in the throat. Oh, I don't know about this. When was it? I mean, this could be anytime anywhere. That's the worst part of it.

And why? It's about 2003. It was, God, where were we were at some... Is that right? It's 2003. 2003, I could see it now. Jarlal is on the charts. Sounds about right.

Yeah, so Mac and I were making that movie Party Monster. We were in New York going out quite a bit. And Manson was in the movie, too, so we all traded numbers and then eventually all went out one night. And you know, Andy, we're like walking down the street to go into this club, and Andy is like putting on a show. And he just screams the second he sees me, Seth, Rick James is dead.

And I go, oh, fuck, I didn't know him, Andy. Did you know him? And he's like, kind of. And I was like, hey, man, we're going to go in the club. And he was like, me too. And I was like, fuck out of it. We got to get inside. And then we get inside and we're like seated.

And Mac is there and Manson is next to him. And Andy gets in there. And it's just that Andy comes and sits down and Manson just makes meaningful eye contact with me. And I just pull my hat down. I was just drinking tequila at that time. I just drank this tequila. I was like, this a great beat. I was going to listen to this.

I'm just going to dance. this vibe. And then I see, it's this and I saw it so clearly. Okay, it's Andy tries to talk to Mac and then tries to talk to Manson. Try to talk to who?

Mac, McCauley Culkin. He tries to talk to Mac. He like turns to Mac and he goes McCauley Culkin was there. Yeah, yeah, we just made this movie together so we're spending a ton of time together. Yeah, he's an adult, two kids. I know. I just do that one. The poor guy. How many years does

it have to be before people stop? A, going the, it's like the guy, the thing from Scream, you know. But two things. He's not poor, so you don't have to worry about it. And V, every third quarter, he cleans up, so you don't have to worry. Like, you might as well call him Santa. Yeah, it's Christmas. Oh, right.

Christmas. That's his month. So here's the point. And he leans over to Mac, and he goes like this. And Mac just goes like this. Just literally like that. He's saying. He's saying to somebody else.

What was he saying? Who the fuck knows, man? I was dancing. I couldn't hear anything. And then he goes like this. And he turns to Manson and he goes, and I swear to you, Manson goes like this. Just hits him right in the fucking throat.

And Andy just like sort of takes that hit and just like has a funny. That's, do we imagine, well, Andy was, I think, you know, there's that old thing, you know, gay when drunk or in Andy's case, gay when on crack. Or maybe. I don't know. But what could Andy have said? I don't know.

He said all kinds of inflammatory shit. I know, but to make someone feel so... But so personally offended that they hold off and clocked you in the face. Yeah, I'd love to say that Manson wasn't quick to punch people. He was? Yeah, of course. I didn't know. Oh, well, if you're, like, too close to him, he's definitely going to push you.

Really? Yeah. I was not close to him. I mean, I used to see him. He did politically incorrect once, and I got amazing... because he was like the biggest star at the dove and very controversial. Incredibly eloquent. So whenever I used to see him, I mean, first of all, I used to always just say,

hi, Brian, because he's just a guy with a good Halloween costume. The guy was always wanted to let him know, you know, I'm not falling for the, you know, you've got a great act, it's great, and even enjoyed a lot of the music. I mean, the dope show and, you know, there's some great songs there. But, you know, it was just, again, a Halloween costume. I get it, you got a schick, but hi Brian. Yeah, and how did he take that? Loved it.

Right. Was not, he got, it was a twinkle in his eye and mine. I think it felt better. I get it, and I'm not offended. Right. Comment from you, I think it felt better than when it came from, like, Courtney Love. Like, Courtney Love did that? Yeah, yeah, Courtney would hit him with that High Brian shit.

I don't think he liked it. Oh, I didn't know I was, I'm the same beat as Courtney Love. I don't think y'all are in the same beat. Have you had her on this show? No, but I would love to. Yeah. You would love to talk to Courtney Love. There's a part of me that will always love her, always love her.

You know, Hall has some good music. Yeah, they put on. And very commercial. I mean, her image is, you know, really out there. Her records are none, not the ones I have anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the, live through this and what's it called? Hollywood.

Yeah, she's got some good records. I mean, like, well-produced, just my kind of. music but she put on the show too i saw her tour live through this and it was fucking incredible it's so funny the 90s yeah right you know what a time can you even believe we got to do that that's so insane i mean you were really young yeah yeah but i was right in my 20s and in an age like i had already made enough money right that i could just like make some decisions and no it was it was so hard hustling it was idyllic in the sense that it was post-aids not that oids went a way. But AIDS in the 80s, for the kids who know this is all history to you, people were freaked

out. Well, because you could die from sex in a way that never seemed possible. I mean, we don't have to get into the politics of how much was, as they would love to use the word these days, misinformation. But yes, there was absolutely reason to be scared. But, you know, people were not having sex or wearing three condoms or I don't know what they were doing. You know, at least two condoms is not a bad idea. No, it's good to have safe sex. There was also a lot of stuff that was misleading. Anyway, absolutely.

Point is that, like, in the 90s, we kind of got over that. Like, it kind of reminded me of when we got over the pandemic. It was like, ah, ah, ah, and then, well, no, for a way, let's go back to it. Let's just go back to, yeah, let's just move on. I think we love panicking, don't you? We love panicking, and then we get enough of it, and we pretend it never happened like it was just a dream, like it was the shower sequence in Dallas. It's just bullshit.

Okay, so the night, so we were over AIDS and terrorism hadn't happened yet here in America. Not to that extent. I mean, we had like hijackings and things like that, but it wasn't 9-11. It was not 9-11. Right, 9-11. Well, Column might become the kid before 9-11.

So it was between, just go with this one. You got to get to me. Don't say X. Yeah, yeah, fuck it. But there's no timeline. Times a circle. Just go with this one, darling. I'm with you, babe.

telling you the 90s was it was post-aids and pre-terrorism paranoia so it was like a very and the issues were like not much i mean clinton who was a centrist was president and the big issue is he got blown i know i know can you believe the way we lost our shit no i've been to versailles and they showed me the separate house for de flipplets you know so you're like the the favorite mistress the girl they're like hey listen this king He probably had like five, six women. Two of them had houses. One of them had a house right next to their house. Nobody gives a shit.

They're just like, you guys are, it's so puritanical. It's shocking, right? Like, what is the beef with that? Well, that's true. But also, I mean, what I was getting at was that we were so innocent in a way of the kind of existential issues that we have now that we were disposed to obsess about this guy getting blown for two years, that this was... We weren't. I wasn't. I didn't. But it became the...

A place. It was a national obsession. Yeah, yeah, I remember. And it wholly influenced culture in ways we couldn't even imagine. Like, all of a sudden, everybody's like, I could wear a thong. I can wear a thong. We'll write a whole song about it. Why, because she wore a thong. Was that new? Grand new. Brand new. Brand new. Only dancers and prostitutes wore thongs. Pre-monika Lewinsky saying that what got the president to whip his dick out. was her having the thong peek out over the skirt and immediately it flipped culture but he's like no shit you're right no shit was a big thing that she kind of baited him with the thong baited him my favorite thing is pop culture like i love the way that this shit just ripples through full culture and there's no avoiding it like you think that history is the most critical influence but history is defined by pop like the stuff that we really remember the stuff that really collects an audience it's

It is as powerful as any theology. History is really decided by technology. The new technology comes along, and we are just always slaves to it. Are you into that? Do you follow? Do you keep up on? It's just the truth. I mean, I am not good at technology. No, no, I mean, but do you like it? Like, I'm super curious about tech, so I'm always paying attention to stuff. Super curious about what?

Technology. So I'm always... I'm curious about it, but I'm not native to it, and so I'm poor at it. I keep up enough to not be completely out of it. But, you know, the way a 13-year-old is today, how they grow up this new generation. I mean, even Gen Z, even millennials, you know, people who grew up with computers, I did not.

Me too, man. With that generation, I guess I'm just a little behind you. You're Gen X. I'm a boomer. That's funny. But your generation is the last sane generation. Then it went right off the end of the clip. But we were the legit, like, good luck.

Like, you were the last generation that the parents allowed to have a free-range childhood. Yes. Did you have a free-range child? So much, yeah. Really? Yeah, my parents, I mean, I think about, I grew up in Philadelphia and New York. I lived in New York any time I was working, which was, you know, from the time I was seven to the time I was 16 and moved to Los Angeles, which was 91. But in that time, growing up in Philadelphia, and all I was.

around New York, it was like, good luck. Here's your key. Don't forget your phone number. When you talk, so I'm wondering if you grew up around. I think that over time I've gotten very lazy about policing what could be somewhere between a Delaware and a New York accent. Delaware?

Yeah, yeah. How did that get in the picture? Because it's the Philadelphia accent, what is like south and west and north and east Philly, It sounds like the most gutter-old disgusting. But did you go up right in the city? I grew up in Westerly. Where's that?

It's the same place that Will Smith was born and raised. Is it nice? Is it like a suburb? It's like lower middle class. Lower middle class. Yeah. My neighborhoods were all black and Italian. My school was all black and Italian.

See? Yeah. Sorry, Bill. It's all right. You got me high. I'm supposed to follow these questions? I got you high. Yeah, I really foisted it upon you.

What do you think of the pot? This is great. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it's mellow, which I like. Yeah. But, okay, so you grew up in this show. I would say we probably had very similar backgrounds, although I grew up in an all white town,

but I would say it was middle to lower middle class. I mean, when I went back to the house, like a few years ago, whoa. First of all, they completely remodeled it. It's unrecognizable. Well, that's crazy. Because it was so tiny. People were happier back then,

but they had tinier houses. They had tinier everything. They were not crazy, made crazy, because they were mind-raped by the internet. Don't you remember watching Cribs in the mid-90s? Yeah, the MTV show Cribs? Of course. So when I watched that show, I was like, oh, this is the underculture. Like, we're watching this.

We might as well be watching Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. And MTV was popularizing this. And I thought it was camp at first, but then I realized, like, I knew people that were like, I'm getting a shark tank in my house. I was like, what are you talking about? I love the thing, because it gave me permission to say to people, okay now get the fuck out of my house right

because that's the way every episode ended I know right I do a couple that was on that show and then like the next week after the show where they got robbed oh really because they know I was like oh shit I see these

multiple points of entry it looks like they've got a really failing security system that's where the safes are okay that's awesome so fucking insanely and punk remember that was like yeah I was on like the second episode ever of punk so before the concept

Yeah, yes. That's a badge of honor. Yeah. They never punked me. Well, I was really lucky that it was a thing that I couldn't look. I was lucky that it wasn't a thing that made me look too stupid. What was it? What was the punk? They invited me to what was supposed to be like a charity gambling night at the, like, Sunset Tower.

And it was after a taping in the 70s show. 70s show. And so we, like, all those kids and I knew each other, and we would have a habit. They'd tape on Friday, and then we would all go out together to one of these clubs, and you roll into a place with like 15 or 20 people, and you get to take over a section, and you're not concerned about anybody getting in or making you feel unsafe or any of it, really being dangerous. So it was a very cool vibe. If you just like to dance and drink, and we all had, like, cars that were there, so nobody's driving or anything. Anyway, so they were like, hey, instead of that, after the show tonight, we're going to do this charity gamboling.

thing. And I was like, okay. And so we get to this place. And I had just been in the place before for a table reading. So immediately I noticed that this room had been recently renovated. Yeah, yeah, I love that. Thank you. I don't know. How much of the story do you want? It's real simple. They tried to... What you can see, we have to go to commercial. Isn't it great that we don't? Isn't that fun? Or we have to like, I mean, like a zero. Do I ever think about this. Because, like I was saying in the beginning, I wanted to finally do a show that was exactly what my life is like. So fucking random. Zero difference between if you just came over. If you just came over, would I have a series of questions? I see these podcasts, and they're

just like talk shows used to be. They have cards. They have microphones. Okay, I'm not knocking them. I'm just saying, this is different. I love that. I love it too. You got to put your spin on it. But what were you saying? Because I was very... When they punked me... Oh, what was the punk? The whole punk was... So you're in a charity thing?

Yeah, yeah, but they took me out. So the guy was like, yo man, can I talk to you? And this guy looked really familiar and I realized later it looked familiar because he was on 106 in Park. I was like, oh, this guy, I didn't even know. And then...

But he takes me outside. And, you know, there's like nobody in this party. I'm like, this is not a party, guys. The lights are so bright. Right. I'm like, there's no fucking music. Like, what is this? And I'm looking at all these doors.

I'm trying to find an outlet. I'm going to plug in my speaker. I was like, yeah, y'all are not going to raise any money. This party sucks. Then the guy, like, jakes me outside. And he says, hey, man, I got to let you know I'm a cop. And I was like, oh, cool. I know a lot of cops.

And he's like, yeah, I'm undercover. We're about to bust up this game. And I was like, oh, weird. I thought this was a charity game. What do you mean you bust it? And he goes, this is an illegal game. And I think you know who's running it. I was like, oh, who?

And he said, we know that you know. And I go, I don't know what you're talking about. My friend said that this is a charity game. Are you saying there's something going on? Is this like an illegal charity? What are you talking about? That is. And he's like, you got to tell me whose game this is.

And I was like, well, these are the people that invited me. But I don't think they organized it. What were the punksters expecting you to do? do that would it be so embarrassing? Like suddenly it was like, it's Ashton Coucher's game. Ashton Coucher by Ashton Coucher invited me. A S-H-H-H-H-T-O-N. It gets so silly too, because there's a moment where like I go back and he's like, hey, the cops are going to come in here in about 45 minutes so you got to get the fuck out of here.

And I was like, okay, cool, cool, cool. So I go back on the table and I'm like, hey, Cooch, we're probably going to get the fuck out of here. Like, maybe you get your money off the table. Like maybe we get out of here and he's like, what are you talking about? stay we're doing this thing. And then some motherfuckersaults through the window and all of a sudden the doors explode and there's people and they're like

everybody on the ground kind of shit. And this is how many times I've been in handcuffs. I immediately look around and I'm like, well, none of these guys have guns. So this is obviously intended like a peaceful takedown. This isn't I don't think anybody's going to get hurt tonight. So then everybody's like... Well, that's your white

privilege, tough me, Seth. I'm out of here. None of them had guns. There's nothing to talk about. None of them even had tasers. They didn't have utility belts. I'm like, well, whatever this is is different than, like, cops. So, you know what I mean? Yes. So then they're blah, blah, blah, about, like, whoever knows whatever. And, like, I make eye contact with Couther because they're like, everybody on the ground, get on the ground on the ground. And I make eye contact with picture. And I'm just like, don't say anything. Don't say shit. They don't have, there's nothing

to say. I love blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, the blah, blah, blah. Because that's what they were like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just what they were like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And And then what happened? In the same guy made me stand up. And he was like, why don't you tell everybody what I showed? So really, you punked them because they didn't get you to look stupid. And when that happens, I feel like that show should have then had this Mia Coppa, like, okay, the contestant who we played this game with, they won the game. Because they didn't do something stupid because I've seen them do stupid things.

I've seen the ones where it's like, don't you know who I am? Oh, my God. Ooh, you look bad doing that. I know I've seen so many people. Don't do the, you don't know who I am. Of course not. Because we just caught you being the asshole that you pretend you're not in public. They didn't want, they punked, it was like Penelope Cruz and maybe Salma Hayek where there's a giant shit in the bathroom.

And one of them is like, out to take credit for it. They're like, which one are you shit in the back? And I'm like, this is the... They did that to Penelope Cruz? Yeah, Penelope Cruz and Salma Hyac. Can you imagine that? But wait. So the Selma Hayek punk was that there was a giant duty.

Yeah, damn, I love you trying to keep this on track. Yeah, they went out to a public restaurant and she was like, I got to go. And she was supposed to like throw a fit about that? No, she was supposed to find. I got to tell you, I would throw a shit about that. I would. I think she was supposed to find the shit. And then like, they come out and they're like, hey, listen, you clogged the toilet.

And then she's like, no, I didn't. Accuser of it. Accuser of it. Because if anyone looks like they take massive shits, it's Penelopee Cruz. No, I think it was Salma Hayek. But similar figures. You just said Selma Hayek,

Penelope Cruz, you know, Latino ladies, they're all the same. No, no, absolutely not. It just looked bad. They have a similar figure. They do. And there's nothing wrong with that. And by the way, I think we're past that era.

That was the peak woke era. It is funny, right? Like how fucking delicate it got it. was almost read scare kind of era and now of course we have the because nothing ever happens in the middle in this country we have the pendulum swinging all the way to the other side scary like the second they started talking about like the hate speech not being protected under the first amendment but peak woke was how dare you mix up with soma hyac with penelope cruz and well you were getting like sanity is just i'm sorry i get stars mixed up sometimes it's not

He's not a hate crime, nobody died, and nobody hates Latinos. He's not in the clan because he got two actors mixed up. I know I was at a party and saw Seth Rogen there, and we were standing next to each other talking for a minute, and two different people came up and almost glitched at the idea of us being together. Why? Because they're both names Seth. Oh.

And they don't have room in their brain for more than one Seth. Yeah, I hate people like that. Now, when you were unmarried with children, what was the... You know, it's so funny. What was the cast like? What was Ed O'Neill? Great to work with. So great.

Ed is like of dad to me. Like, he still calls me every once in a while to speak. Like, hey, you get those residuals? And Christina Applegate National Trash. You know, I was a guest star on that show. You were? Yes. In my...

Were you talking about married with children? Yes. Her other show, the CBS shows. No, married with children. I mean, in my... What did you two? What were you seen? Oh, my God.

What did you play? In my wandering years, you know, I came out here in the early 80s. comic and in those days we all wanted to get on a sitcom and I did and I got on a few of them and then it was like that was going down but I was still like you know somebody who they were interested in putting

in a show maybe so I would do guest spots I did Roseanne and I did married with children amazing and she could not have been nicer as as far as like who Applegate? Yes as far as like inviting someone into the like sort of inner circle of the cast

which is you know it's a we've been all but on shows, it gets very clicky, but making someone who was a guest star feel like, oh, you're part of the family this week, too. I will never forget that. And I think we all do. We remember the people who treated us like that, and we remember the people who

don't. You're right. I always try to be the former, like I had enough, I had enough really positive experiences, especially as a kid, to take I wouldn't say responsibility, but I have sympathy for and I have empathy for anybody.

who's like going through this I've been my whole career was defined in guest spots and like day player parts you know what I'm saying like just trying to find a way to yeah make somebody notice me but as a result I worked on all of the shows so I got to know everybody from a very young age and see how people do it well or do it poorly and you got into the slip stream that was like the right one to get into which is like comic book stuff isn't that funny well all of the shit that nobody wanted to talk about pre-2007 which now rules showbush yeah and that crazy that's the that's the funny thing i have to remind all of my nerdy friends that like we won everybody chill out good for their college funds it's not bad my my child will be able to love fantastic four without ever worrying

about being beaten with her own metal fantastic four lunchbox yeah there's good money in that right it ain't bad well with anything man you get anything that hits like the the the margins are so much bigger now than they ever were before it makes it a little bit harder for the independence but it just means that you got to find the little money for little things in other places those comic book people went after me once really hard because i said something about when when stan lee died yeah you know and i wasn't making fun of stan lee i wasn't happy stan lee died i was sorry that comic book fans lived no i'm saying no no i I mean, enjoy. I was just saying, like, these people who think that comic books are great literature, I mean, I heard from the Stan Lee Society who said, like, you, Bill Maher, you're a terrible person, you think comic books are immature. They said the same thing about Dostoevsky and Melville and Shakespeare.

No, they didn't. Nobody ever said that. If you read a book without pictures, you'd know that to be true. Nobody ever said that. So, you know, you could enjoy an everlasting childhood. I mean, everybody does what they want. It's a free country. But just don't tell me that this is the same thing as literature,

because it's not, because the plots are not resolved the same way. The Godfather is a great movie because of the way the plot is resolved. Comic book movies, the plot is resolved because somebody shoots rays through their fingers. That's fine, but that's not for adults. I want material for adults, it's just me. You can enjoy that. But, you know, don't get on my case if I call you out on it. Yeah, yeah, I don't agree with the getting on each other's cases about your likes or dislikes.

The great thing about living in this country, at least for the moment, is you still have this. Yeah, for the moment, we'll see. No, it's true. We still have this freedom of expression, you know. We still have these, what we imagine to be inalienable rights. Like when our forefathers escaped, who left what they felt was the tyranny of the. The king and decided to forge this new union without any of the dumb shit that they felt they'd endured under the king. And here we are, you know, it's almost 300 years later.

You could also argue that, like, which empire lived more than 300 years? Like, most of these empires go through some kind of very significant change. I just didn't expect ours to be, like, this kind of apathetic resignation to autocracy. Like, that just seems so silly. Everybody's like, oh, well, I guess we'll just never have. have elections again. I'm like, what? Guys, you forget the power of the people. Like, the fucking power of the people, guys, that's it. Even if they say you can't vote, you could still, I couldn't have expected a guy like this guy to be the guy. And I think, you know,

we both knew this guy. Like, I had never met him, but I know this guy. The, this guy, the guy that's in the office. Is this? Trump? Yeah, that's just a sparkling water. This is just sparkling water. I swear they said, I think it's this. It's this one, right? Somebody say something off camera. What is that? I'm going to refill this check. I've got another. I've got another. a drink. Oh, that's yours. This is my... Yeah. All right. What are you drinking? I'm drinking a Moscow mule. I stayed on vodka. I find it mixes really well with the weed.

Yeah, you don't have to apologize for it. No, no, I was just telling you. I'm just... You have to give me a reason to drink vodka. You're in club random, dude. That's not what this show is. You're not talking about. Jesus Christ. You could be doing heroin here.

You think I would give a... It's not really about true. I mean, wouldn't that be crazy? You know what the most romantic thing a girl ever said to me? Let's hear it. I went and said to the girlfriend, what would you do if I started taking heroin? And she said, start taking heroin.

I mean, I thought she was going to say, I'd get you help. We'd get the best people in the world. I'm really good at needlework. And, I mean, it's wrong, but it's also like the most romantic thing I've ever heard in my life. That is very sweet. Don't you remember that rock bit? Chris Rock had that bit where he talked about, it was the, it dovetailed into the whole thing about Clinton.

um getting below jobs and making the comment that men are only as faithful as their options i said i was the first one to say that that was my i'm not i'm not here to debate that but he he uh he uh manner as loyal as their options yeah yeah he said that but the joke that he made that i thought was so funny he's like listen man if you smoke crack your wife has to smoke crack that's it okay that's it if you got to have the same hobbies which i thought was a very funny comment pretty accurate. I know I said that first. You know why? Because I remember who said it to me, who I stole it from. Who's that? I'm not going to say the name, but I was living in New York from 1979 to 1980, and I was dating, of course, a waitress in 1982. Remind me to tell you something

about that. In two seconds, I will. And she said that to me, those exact words, men are only as loyal as their options. I remembered it. I stole it. I used it. What is your story? Waitress. So, Mack's mom. Max mom at one point. Who's Max Mom? McCallie Corkin's mother. Oh, Mac.

Yeah, at one point. Is he still like your fucking bro from another mom? Yeah, we're good friends. Really? Yeah, I love that point. And how's he doing? He's fucking great. Really?

Sorry. It's great. Oh, my God. It's so wrong. He's done like a little bit of acting. Like, I forced him out of retirement to make this movie in Thailand. Where was his mind at? his mind is clear and great he's got two fucking kids he doesn't care that he

that the uh rocket that went up when he was a child didn't stay up um i don't know if you understand like part his his dad was a was not a great dad but his dad made sure that mac has money mac never had a drug problem mac never had a gambling problem mac still has all that money And there are so many different points of income for him annually, and he's only introducing new ones. So I got to tell you, he is of sound, mind, and body and, like, not even getting started. Like, he did a bunch of acting stuff.

I pulled him out of retirement to do this movie in Thailand. And then he was like, oh, I think I like acting. He wound up the best. And people were like, you want to do some acting? He did a Vanity Fair cover, got a star on Hollywood Boulevard, showed up in Righteous Gemstones. Can you make him come here? Can I make him come here?

Can I talk to him? I bet he would chat with you as long as you don't want to talk about Michael. I don't. Yeah. Do I look like I have an agenda? No, he loves comics too. I would love to talk to him. Yeah, he'd love to talk to him.

I bet he'd be good for him too, because people just have no idea who he is. It's like, and look, I understand what you're saying about his father not being a good father. Of course he's not a good father. That kid had to booby trap the house himself. Okay, I'm not going to do any of that. No, no, he loves all that shit. He does? Yeah, yeah, he's buddies with...

Yeah, yeah, he'll get along. Yeah, yeah, you'll be so much fun. He loves comics. He's buddies with Jeff Ross. He was buddies with Sagitt. Tell him to come here. I'll treat him so good. I never...

This is not a gotcha show. It doesn't feel like it. It's not... Although they're getting drunk, like this can leave Cosby's basement. Everybody leaves here. The only thing they all have in common is they want to stay longer. Yeah, but we only got 90 minutes, man. Well, we have whatever we want.

How do you cut this show? Do you, like, cut it? We don't cut it. You just let it run, so if it's like two hours. The only way we cut it is if the guest complains, because we, you know, we want to be guest-friendly. We shouldn't have been talking about. I don't cut anything. They, you know, but.

We shouldn't talk about. Gerbils being a great name for your gerbil. Gerbil. This is Gerbil's the gerbil. It is a great name, though. It's not bad, right? A terrible person and a really rotten guest. Yeah, yeah, I bet he's just a real bummer.

Doesn't have any good stories. But what about Mac? Oh, this is the best story. So I said to Mack's mom, yeah, God, I got a crush on this waitress at this bar. She goes, of course, you're going to have a crush on the waitress because she's serving you. And I was like, ah, that's fair.

Yeah, but, I mean, we've all had waitresses that were serving us and we didn't also want to date. Plenty, yeah, yeah. Yeah, mostly the guys. Yeah, yeah. Now, it's definitely selective in the people that I would give. You know, and you probably had the same kind of thing. Like, there was a point in the 90s where I realized that I couldn't predict anyone's

purpose in talking to me. You know what I'm saying? I was like, well, I'm very recognizable at this point. Yeah. To the point where I can't. underestimate the reach of that and whether someone would be pursuing me. I had people pursue, even before cell phone cameras and social media, I had a lot of people try to take advantage of me or trick me or, like, rob me, all kinds of crazy shit.

But you get pretty savvy about sussing them out. Yeah, yeah, I grew up in Philadelphia and New York. Like, I got to make my first movie when I was eight years old with a lot of very successful people. Yeah, but I'm saying, so the people who weren't sincere, who were trying to get in your drawers, You kind of get it, whether it's man for his things, business stuff, or a woman. You kind of, I mean, you can do it in a sentence or two. It's true. I got very street smart from all of that, and I think that's why, because here's the thing,

I knew a lot of kids that died. I know a lot of kids that got molested. I know a lot of kids that got into all kinds of shit that never happened to me. And I had this moment when I was, he, You know, in my 20s, when all these kids start kind of coming out and talking about it, and I was like, oh, my God, I stayed at that guy's house for a month. Nobody ever trying to molest you? No, and I have to-

Kind of insulting, isn't it? Well, I had that moment. To you, I mean, it's right. What the fuck? Am I just, like, so unfuckable? Well, I mean, that is the conclusion one would have to draw. Yeah, yeah, so I was like, all right, well, I got to work harder for this. I just started doing crunches like crazy.

you know what I'm saying squats all day long like just trying to put it out there making breakfast with no shirt on maybe a thong yeah yeah we're being popular can guys wear thongs always go to Europe

but I feel like in the 90s era early 2000s I think that's like when our time overlapped there's guys who were out a lot I saw you out I think I was more monogamous

I saw you out And you know what I did when I saw you on, I just kind of, I was like, oh, shit. We did it to each other. No, no, I liked it. Because you were, because you're smart and you're not crazy and you're, like, there's something about comics, I think, where you inherently love the audience as much as you find reason to resent them. Like, you kind of can't help it. It's what I love about guys like Robin. You just sort of need, you know life is fucking terrible and you just sort of want to make people.

smile sometimes, you know, even if it's like feeling not alone. I think that's the thing that comics really share, and I've always related to that. But somehow we wound up both being the kind of guy who, per the old phrase, would go to the opening of an envelope. I went to a bunch of things. I did go to parties. Yeah, because it was like... Well, it's also, like I said, it's a little bit like your winter formal or your social at your school, right? These are are our peers and you sort of just have to but like I remember I mean I didn't make you were younger when it happened to you

I was older so it was like I remember the normal life when you would just go to dingleberries on Friday night you know and hope to get lucky and that now I'm dingleberries you go to residuals and then there was a great disco anima oh it was fantastic

three levels the top was hip hop then it was 80s but okay so you it was like okay but now I'm invited to this thing which is like red carpet and you know maybe it's a shitty fucking horror movie but I'm invited and I'm gonna go

and there was a period I went to the MTV Awards a bunch because it's crazy you go to the MTV you like meet Busta Rhymes I got to meet Silo you know what I mean it was fun for me I get to see all these crazy things I get to see things that are on a much

lower level than the MTV awards that's at least an award show I'm talking about movie premieres It had to be somebody I knew. It had to be somewhere I felt safe. We started going out. That club thing really worked, and it was a couple years that we did it,

just because it was safe. You'd go to a spot. There's this place on LaBreya called A.D. That was really chill. And it was just, we'd roll in there a bunch of, you know, I think I was the oldest at 29. Are you talking about the 90s? Is this the 90s?

It was the end of the 90s, early 2000s. I feel like that, yeah, that was my error to be out a lot. And I feel like... I was just in tighter spaces, I think. My focus was on, like, dancing and not getting photographed. But what about... But you were obviously not married.

You were obviously out there. Oh, and I was definitely meeting people. You were single and ready to mingle. Yeah. Well, also, you... Just like you, I got invited to, like, the Playboy parties. I got invited to, like, the Perfect Ten parties. And all of a sudden, you're in a position

where a girl who looks like a photograph is like, I'd fuck you. Right. You know what I'm saying? So I definitely, there are plenty of instances where we both got a story to tell for the rest of our lives. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yes.

And. Yeah, as like a short Jewish kid with red hair named Seth that grew up in West Philadelphia and got constantly his ass kicked with his own like pop culture accessories. It was really cool to have girls. say i'd fuck you and what is the lesson there that life evens out right i mean like i don't know why i think for me the lesson was man you're you got to have a really good personality because you're not going to pull this off on first glance well fame yeah but but even before that i think the reasons that i got famous is because i push my personality so hard your fame your personality comes through in the roles you play right uh but i mean let's not gilbel

too much. I mean, it's also just fame. It's also just... There's plenty... You know, Warhol's my favorite favorite, because Warhol was the one who really talked about the power of the camera. Talked about, like, the audience's obsession with self. Talked about the audience's inevitable

individual 15 minutes of fame. I mean, that is the most prescient thing anybody ever said, because when you see that everybody has a podcast. Yes. You know, there's... Everything is so fractured. When was the last time you read 1984? I read it in 16.

I read it in 16 when Trump was running. And it was, you know, the thing that Orwell never presumed was something like the Internet. There was no way to imagine social media. And so it all took the form of the telescreen, which could always be on, which could always be recording. But the main thing was getting down to thought crime. Like a real separation of the classes and the cultures and the point where you're thinking something is an arrestable offense. And then they go and put you in the clockwork. But that's a hate crime.

Well, so this is it, right? We're edging that territory. It's been decades since we said we believe in this country that there is such a thing as a hate crime. Now, that's basic liberal dogma. I consider myself a liberal, but I never agreed with that. A hate crime is a thought crime. With the concept of something being more punishable than something else.

It's a thought crime. And I don't think we should go down that slope. It's a crime is a crime. If you kill somebody, you should punish it. The law should not be involved in what is in your mind. You're a fucking fucked up mind. I don't really give a shit. I hadn't really thought about it that way, but that's a fair point.

Wow. Thank you, darling. Our anniversary is going to be so much. Do you like cake? All right. Well, listen, I really enjoyed you. Yeah, it's great to talk to you, man. I had this realization.

This is the longest conversation we've ever had. Oh, by far. Like one-on-one. Because all we see you in green rooms. Yeah, because when we were out and saw each other before, we gave each other the look and then went after the hottest girl in the room. Well, I'm like, you know, 5'10 and under is usually where I may make. Okay, I'm glad I got to know you.

Yeah, good to see you, man. I hope I get to know you more. Okay. All right, I'm going to go back to my real job. That's sweet. So this is like your thing. How long did it take to build this room? I didn't build it. I bought it.

You're kidding. This came on the property already? Yeah, this was on the property, and it was a mess, but... What was it? Like, a wine cellar or something? No, a movie star owned this house. It was full of video games. Like, it was like an arcade. Right. Right. And it was just terrible. It was full of termites and mold, but I just was like, you know, there's a vibe to this place. I mean, look at that crooked door.

Like, there's some, somebody like, did something we're here. It's got some, like, whole ruby and shit about it. I've always loved it.