Club Shay Shay - Amber Rose: My Problem Is That “I Worship The D*ck.” (Part 1 )

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guest. She’s a model, influencer, entrepreneur, and so much more, the one & only Amber Rose! She didn’t hold back on this one. She talks about her mystery man, dating young, narcissistic men, streaming, and worshipping the d*ck! Put the kids to sleep, light up a candle, and tune in to The Truth After Dark!!! #Club Lust Products from Amber Rose:  Getcloser.coSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to the Happiness Lab with me, Dr. Laurie Santos, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen, not to be vulgar, but when you're coming inside of a woman and a woman feels, and a woman feels, vulnerable enough to let you do that. Speak it. And she feels like, okay, this is my person. You're telling me that I'm your person. And my body is vulnerable to you. And you find out that there's something else going on.

Or it's a fucking nightmare. These men, you'll never understand what we feel because we're in the more vulnerable position. You guys are making us masculine. We don't want to be masculine. That's why there's a whole wave of women nowadays that are very, very masculine, where they're like, I get niggas, I get money, I like, fuck y'all, I'm independent, whatever. This is why women have that attitude.

Yeah. Because we're not being protected by the leaders of society, which is the men. This is the taking over the game. All right, everybody, welcome to truth after dark. Do you think that men or? or women are more toxic. Hello, beautiful people. Welcome to another episode of The Truth After Dark.

I'm your host, is R. Faraday. Paul Pierce. And today we have such an incredible guest. I'm so excited. She has built a brand that's impossible to ignore from modeling and entrepreneurship to dominating headlines, social media, and pop culture conversations.

She spent years turning intention into influence. Love her or disagree with her. One thing is undeniable. has never been afraid to speak her mind, challenge expectations, and stay authentically herself in an industry that constantly tries to put people in a box. I'm so excited to welcome Amber Rose.

Thank you. That's a wonderful introduction. Yes, yes, you deserve it. Thank you so much. I just want to say this before we get started because I've been wanting to say this. The first time I ever saw you with Kanye, I was like, who is this woman?

Because she's so fly. Like, you were just so full. fly, like something that no one has ever seen, like the bald head, the fashion, the energy. I was like, she is that girl. Thank you. Period. Period. Thank you.

So we're so grateful for you to be on the show today. Thanks for having me. Of course, of course. So we'll get into it. Recently, you've been in the media for being spotted out with the mystery man. So what is your... It's not so mystery because they kind of found him. They did?

No. Is he like a soccer? player or football play. Yeah, girl. I saw his stage earlier, honey. I said, okay. You know it's the World Cup right now. Yeah, I said, okay, he got okay.

Okay, Amber. That's crazy. I did not know they found out who he was. They found him for show, girl. They did, okay. So what is the T? Are y'all dating? Are you dating around?

Are you single? No, you know, it's the World Cup. Okay. You know, and he's like, you know, a very handsome young man, and he asks me on a date. And I'm single, so I was like, of course, I'm going to date with you. So he took me out to dinner.

He was a gentleman, very nice. And we've only known each other now for like a week. Oh, wow. Okay, so I just met him and he took me on a date. But that was it. Okay, so he approached you. He did, yes. Okay, because I know on club Shay-Shay, you talked about how men can be intimidated to approach you, which I can understand.

So do you feel like... He's European, babe. Yeah. It's just different... It's a different vibe. That's a fault he's saying, the men too. It was just, it was like, I was, you know, and that's why I went on a date with him because he was very forward. I love that.

I was just like, I mean, he wasn't, his lip wasn't quivering. That's what I'm used to. I'm used to like, would you, do you think I can take you out? You know, like, but it wasn't that. He was very direct, very masculine and asked me on a date. And I was like, I would love to go on a date with you. What country he's from? He's Irish, actually.

Yeah, he has an Irish. accent. Okay. I love that. Yeah, but again, I don't know him well. Yeah. But yeah, we just went on a date. I love that. Was it a good date? It was a, it was a very nice date. Okay. Okay. I love that. So you talked about men that approach you or talked to you or are drawn to you are typically younger, like in their 20s? Yes. So do you typically go for that or? So I think, okay, so when I did the Ball Brothers podcast, I think that it came off wrong. Okay. So let me set the record straight. Right. Okay.

So the majority of men that try to talk to me are very, very young. Okay. Now, I haven't always been 42 years old. Okay. So this is a new chapter in my life where I'm like, this is very interesting that all the younger guys like me now as an older woman. They're approaching me in a different way. And I haven't always been an older woman. So I never really understood how to navigate that.

So it's not necessarily something that I go towards, but they kind of come towards me. Right. Yeah, it's like a thing now, you know? And I'm like, oh. All age groups gravitate towards you. Come on now. You just noticing it more than with the young guys now, just more than ever?

I think so, Paul. I think like, yeah, I think so. I just, even in my DMs, they're all very young. What's your idea, age? What's your, what's your, because we have some ladies on here, and they said they range. We had a lady that I was on here said from 23 to 70.

But you know what? Amber, you're like one of the fourth women that came on here that said the same thing you're saying. Yeah, for sure. Like, they're saying like the younger ones gravitate towards them.

Like, period. I've heard that. And again, I haven't always been 42. So has this always been a thing that younger men like older women? Yeah. I think it does. I think it is.

And you know what someone said that made sense to me, the older men want the younger women. And the younger guys are like, ooh, she's bad, I could conquer her. She's older. And that is like a prize to them. Where the young woman is a prize to the older man.

So what they say to me is that they like older women because we're more established. We have children. We have all the snacks. We cook. They say that. You know, we're very clean. Which, you know, I mean, listen,

I wouldn't say that I was at nethered. nasty girl in my 20s, but as you do get older, I say this all the time. You're a little more hygienic. They drag me for that. They were like, oh, girls are hygienic in the 20s. I'm like, it's different. You are, but like the oils, the...

It's different. It's different. As you get older, it's true. It's different. It's different. So I think they just appreciate being, I don't want to say this the wrong way, but kind of being mothered a little bit.

Yeah. I think the young guys, they like that. That maternal. vibe, yeah. Do you think that's a red flag a little bit? No, I like it. You like the mother man? Yeah.

I feel the same way. I feel like when you're naturally nurturing, it's like it feels good to do that, in my opinion. But like the guy went on a date with, he was 24. Oh, he was? Yeah. Do you feel like you had much in common with him? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I could see that. Yeah, I did. Like, I don't know. It just, he just was very mature for his age. But, you know, you just, I don't know. You just don't know. Because you'll see different clips online where it's like younger men and older women make the best relationships.

And then they'll be like older men and younger women make the best relationship. You just got to kind of go and throw yourself in there and just see how the fuck it goes. I'm going to tell you as a guy when I was younger, I didn't gravitate it. But I talked to this older lady. And it was just like, I think I was like 21 and she was like 34. So that was like, oh, for a 21 year old. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

It is. It is. Yeah. So I was just like, oh, this is kind of baller. Like, she used to pick me up and her little, her range rober. I was like, okay, she was like, I feel like the younger, and why I'm saying this, is I feel like the younger guys feel like getting with an older lady because they could show them something. Yeah.

You know, because she showed me something. And I was just like, oh, that's, you know, okay, that's how you do it. You know what I'm saying? Because they didn't, they older. Yeah. Yeah. So they know, they know some things that are younger don't know. So they're like wiser where you just running around like a chicken with your head cut off with these

young girls, you just fly by night girls. You know what I'm saying? With older women, you can kind of like, damn, you can kind of watch her move. How she, you know, she goes to the restaurant, you see how classy he is when I'm still learning class and I'm still trying to learn, you know, to be an adult as a young man, you learn something from an older woman. That's why I think young men

too. I would want to be with you if I was a young man. But no, what I was going to say is Paul says women over 30 are cooked. So he always says I'm cooked. What do you think about that? He's always like, you're cooked, you're cooked. And I'm like, yeah.

Well, I think, you know, and I do see those clips. Yeah. So I was like, let me come up on you. Exactly. You know, I, and he's entitled to his opinion. Yes. I think that to each his own, I think everyone has a different opinion about that. And that's valid, you know.

Yeah. So, you know, everyone could feel how they want to feel. Yeah, so what's the age range? Okay, go back to that. The age range. So right now it's 24 to what? I wouldn't even say it's 24. It's like I can't say it.

It has to just be the person. You know, I wouldn't, ideally I wouldn't want to be with a 21 year old either. But I would say, ideally 35 to like 45, which makes my dating pool very small. But I'm actually not mad at the 24, 25 year old. Over 50? Um... They just out of it. So guys, y'all watch it over 50, it's over.

What if it's the right one? If it's the right one, it's the right one. Yeah. I'm sure you get some older, 50-year-old, mature guys. No, they never talk to me, Paul. Really? They never, ever talk to me. They just don't.

So I wouldn't say that, like, I wouldn't. It would be nice. It would be nice if an older guy try to talk to me because I feel like with older men, I could be the baby. I can act like... That's what I like. You know?

But they just don't talk to me. It's so weird. Like, they don't. It feels good when you're the baby, though, too. I've only experienced that, like, one time, and it just feels good when you could be like... Yeah, baby. Okay, Daddy.

Yeah. Like, that is good. That feels amazing. But I can get both sides of it, you know what I mean? And I heard that the younger man just becoming like, yeah, what's up? I'll do this, I'll do that. Well, you got to think about it, right? So for somebody like me that men are very scared to talk to, if a 24-year-old does come up to me and I haven't talked to nobody in six months and he's fine and masculine and giving me that energy, it's like, what am I supposed to do?

Exactly. You know, I got to try something. Like, it's just giving me energy, you know. But again, if an older man try to talk to me, you know, as long as it's not giving old. man, because I'm 42, I feel like I'm 18. I feel like I'm young. I go to the gym every day. I work out.

I run around with my kids. I still go out. I saw y'all out. You know, at the day party. Like, I still feel young. So if somebody is older, they still have to have that youthful energy. Yeah. First of all, I just want to say, like, 42 is really not old like that.

It's not. I don't know. Like, Paul might say that. Me personally, I feel like it's really not giving that old. I just don't think you look amazing. You seem youthful. Like, I don't think that that's that old, you know? I mean, it's not old.

But he calls me an order lady. I'm 35, so now it's not old. Okay. It's not an old age for men. It's just how society views it. You know what I'm saying? Like, how they say, Yeah, I get it.

Like men, like men can be 80 years old and be with like a 35, 36 year old where 80 old woman ain't getting with no 35-year-old man. Well, he has to have money. That's the only reason why they would get with him. And 85-year-old woman, man is ain't getting a young, woman if he's broke. It's definitely rare. It's definitely rare. Yeah, but people do it. You know, that's just how our society is. It makes y'all terms from grapes to raisins fast. You know what I'm saying?

It's crazy. Right? Isn't it that wild? This is what I have to deal with, Amber. That's not me. This is a society on how men. It's personal preferences. Because my preference would be being a woman would be being with a woman. I would not want a young little girl. Because I know what I was like when I was young. I was retarded. I was retarded five years ago. Yeah, that's why they like it because you're so dumb that you're willing to take everything. You'll be like, oh, cool, yeah, I'll deal with that.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, you got this? Yeah, cool, whatever. Like, you don't give a damn, and you're not pressed to, like, won anything. You just are like, cool, all right. Just living your best life. Living your best life, you buy me a few gifts. Yeah.

We having sex. We go to dinner. Like, I'm cool, you know? So it's just, I get it. But, you know, it is what it is. Do you have kids? I don't know. Oh, okay.

Not yet. What's up with the everyday guy? Have you ever, like, is there, what the last time you dated just like, somebody that just was like not in the line? Like, is it possible for them guys? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. They got a chance.

Of course. Yeah, I don't, the only reason I dated celebrities for the most part is because they were just within the realm of where I was. Right, right, right. That wasn't like me being. sought out or looking for them. You know, it's kind of like it would be in like situations like this

and then, you know, I meet him and I'm just here and then we start dating and it just happens that way. But, yeah, yeah, of course. So you talked about being in a relationship with like a narcissistic man before publicly, right? Oh, yes, girl. And I want to get into that because

Paul always is like, once a woman breaks up with a man, he's a narcissist and he's this and he's that, right? And I feel like that word is thrown around a lot, but it's a real fucking thing. And if you experienced it, you've experienced it. And it's worse than physical abuse, in my opinion. It is.

It's mental abuse and it fucks you up in a way that I can't even explain. It changes your brain chemistry. Thank you. Because I've been there. Yeah, me too. Wow. I think there's just classic traits that now we could just see very clearly where we know a man is.

not just being narcissistic. Like he likes looking in the mirror and like, oh, my cut, I look fresh, you know. That's narcissistic qualities. When you actually have NPD, you're essentially abusing people mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Like, it's a deeper level. Like, I'd rather get punched in my mouth. Yeah, me too. Wow. I've been in a physically abusive relationship and I've been in a mentally abusive and I'd rather get my ass beat than do that.

Because it fucks with your mind in a way where you forget who you are. That's a fact. What type of things, what are the characteristics? I was going to ask you that. For women, what do they need to look out for? Okay, so there's an abuse cycle, right? Okay. It's love bombing, debaluing.

So love bombing is when they come in really fast with an abundance of love. Like, you're my everything. I've never experienced this before. You're just like, oh, my God. And then every day y'all hang out and y'all make love and it's passionate and it's crazy. But really, in their mind, It's not, right? Then the second part of the abuse cycle is devaluing.

Now it's like, why you got your hair like that, bro? Like, why? Like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, you're just doing too much. And you're like, I've always done too much. You loved me because I was doing too much. Now you want to dim my light and change my personality because now it's not fitting your narrative

and how you want me to be. So they start to devalue. Then you start to lose yourself, right? Because now you're like, well, Maybe I should change my hair or maybe I want to please my man. I don't know. Like maybe I should just dress different or do. So and then the discard, the discard is the third part of the abuse cycle where they make you lose yourself.

And then they say, you're not the same person I fell in love with. I don't want to be with you no more. Damn. A hundred percent. Yeah. So then you're just sitting there like, I've done everything to make this man happy. I literally changed myself. I changed my personality.

Everything that I ever was is different now. And now he don't want me, but the person that he initially fell in love with is not there anymore. So you start to blame yourself. You're giving me chills. Yeah, you start to internalize it like, fuck, I should have stood up for myself.

I should have not changed myself. But he kind of made me change myself. And it's a mind fuck, bro. It is. It's really bad. And don't forget the breadcrumbing. The part where they love mom you, and then what they do is they take it away, and then you're trying to figure out what did I do wrong?

Yes. You loved me so much at first. Did I fuck up? Did I say something? Did I do something? That's what your boy did to me. Yeah. That's fucked up.

And then what they'll do is they'll breadcrumbs, so they'll start giving you love again. Yep. Little by little. And the next episode, you're so happy with 20% of love. Yeah, it's the highs and lows. It's equivalent to being addicted to heroin. No, they say that. It is.

Mm-hmm. So when they take their love away after maybe like a very passionate moment that you guys had together, right? Let's say you go out to dinner, you go home, you make passionate love and you're just like your endorphins and everything is just going crazy. And then the next day it's like, all right, what's up friend? What's going on, friend? What's up, homie? Damn. Homie, I'm in love with you.

What is happening right now, you know? So then you get that low and then you feel bad about yourself. and then they'll come back a week later, I miss you, I love you, I'm so sorry. Then you get that high again. So it's like crack, bro. You're like chasing that high until you get to a point where you're just like, you know what man, fuck this shit.

I'm done, bro. Like I can't take it anymore. I've tried everything and now it's done. You explain that so beautifully and honestly. Wow, that's the best I've ever heard and explain. And also, it's always beautiful women that go through that. I always know that it's beautiful women. And the man, the way you explain, the man being like,

why is your hair like that? Or why are you acting so loud? Yeah. Like, you knew I was loud. You knew I was loud. You pursued me because I was loud. Yeah, you liked me. You hit me up because you're like, damn, I like what you say.

Yeah. Like, you know all of this. And now the things that make me who I am at my core is what you are bringing down. Yeah. And now I'm trying to fit into another mold of maybe the women that you like it on Instagram or this or that, and you making me feel so foul.

No, the crazy shit is. Speaking. Girl, the crazy shit is that they will like every bitch's picture in a bikini. But once you post it, you're a ho. You're a disgusting, nasty bitch. Disgusting. How dare you? But I follow every bitch that's half naked on the Instagram.

But if you do it, no. No. But I just doing what I think you like. Now I'm an asshole. I'm not going to lie. I'm an asshole. I'm not going to lie. I'm an asshole.

I'm not going to do it more. A lot, man. You don't know. Oh, you're an asshole. You're going to do it more. Oh, yeah, you piss me off. See, I'm fucked up because I'm mentally like, damn, I want to please this person so bad. Not I'm done with that shit.

I used to be like that, though. I'm still like that. I'm still like that. You'll get there, babe. I promise you. You'll get there. I hope I do, because I'm still like that. I'm like, I did something wrong.

Oh, my God. I'm beating myself up all day. Yeah. Like, I'm still overly accountable, overly feeling bad, overly. I'm not in that era of like, fuck you. You know what's really bad? Once you fully. understand

psychology, you psychoanalyze everyone and you can almost see it from a mile away. The reason why I got stuck in a situation ship at 42 is because I've never experienced it before. So if I was to be in a

situation ship before that, I would have saw that from a mile away. Yeah. You know, but now... You could see it. I could see it. Yeah. But you know what you don't know about a situation ship? A man will give me the key to his house. You'll meet his daughter and be the first woman to ever meet his child, you'll be at Thanksgiving dinner with him, and then he'll be like, well, I mean, I don't like to put labels on it.

Yeah, exactly. I live with you. Like, what do we? I'm so good. Y'all out here, y'all sounded like y'all talking about Clayton's. You're coming in me every night. Thank you. I was pregnant.

Is that what you talking about? Is Clay Thompson a narcissist? Because you described everything he did. Oh, I don't know that situation. You just said he went to the house, bought the house, everything. Well, we don't know their situation. It's giving. It's giving them.

I swear. So, okay. Don't that sound like with Clay did. It's giving... It's giving abuse cycle. I can see that. I can see that. But we don't know. Clay is a narcissist?

I don't know. I'm not going to sit here to say that. I don't know. Y'all bought the house. Well, what I do... All this was documented. But we don't know... Listen, not to be vulgar, but when you're coming inside of a woman

and you feel... And a woman feels vulnerable enough to let you do that. Speak it. And she feels like, okay, this is my person. You're telling me that I'm your person And my body is vulnerable to you And you find out that there's something else going on Or it's a fucking nightmare

These men don't you'll never understand what we feel Because we're in the more vulnerable position Physically and mentally You know? So it's like just y'all just got to like You guys are making us masculine We don't want to be masculine That's why there's a whole wave of women nowadays

that are very masculine where they're like, I get niggas, I get money, like, fuck y'all, I'm independent, whatever. This is why women have that attitude because we're not being protected by the leaders of society, which is the men.

We're not being protected. Speak that, Amber. It's a defense mechanism. It is. No, because it's true. It's true. I want to let y'all live. No, no, no.

She's telling some real shit. Because what it is is a defense mechanism. It is. Like when a woman starts to be like, well, all right, like, do you want to be over? Do you want me to be done? It's because it's like, I feel like you're going to say that to me. Like, we just want to be protected.

We want to feel like soft and like when we start to be like, whatever, I don't need it. Because I'm big on like, I need a man. I'm not a feminist. I don't believe in equality. And I don't want to be equal to these niggas. I want my man to be superior to me. I want to live in a patriarchy where I feel safe.

Me too. Men are making sure that we're okay. Okay. Me too. I don't want, I need a man, and I need you to take care of me, and I need to be protected. Yeah, same. I'm a damsel in distress. And honestly, you have to understand I'm emotional.

I pee a mess. Yeah. I have a lot. Like, our chemistry hormonally is not built for us to be sane. Yeah. We're not saying women, like, we're emotional. We're on a roller coaster every month. If we're ever cursing you out or having an attitude or having masculine energy, it's your fault.

I'm just being honest. Ew. Yeah. Thank you. Let me ask y'all something. Can a woman be a narcissist? Because I've never heard of a woman. Yes, I feel like all women do that.

They give you the love, pull it back. No, a lot too. I agree with you. A lot of women do. So they like have society women do that. No, I agree with you. You're not wrong. They do.

Listen, I used to be a feminist. I used to be retarded. I will tell you right now that Paul, you are absolutely right. 100%. It is literally 50-50 on both sides. Okay. I'm like, I sound like a lot of girls. These women are really fucked up out here.

And they ruin it for lover girls like us. They ruin it for us. They do. Because we come in. Thank you. Go ahead. No, say it ever. You say it.

You say it. You say it. Great. Say it. Because we come in with lover girl energy and these men are so traumatized from these narcissistic ass bitches that they're like, oh my God, this bitch is love me too. And we're like, no, we actually really want to love you.

Right. And they don't believe you. They don't believe us. They don't trust you. Every fucking second. You're going through every test. A man's like, you don't really let me. You don't really want me.

You don't really want this. You're cheating. You were fucking this, nigga. You was doing this, you was doing this. You was doing this. And it hurts our soul. Yeah. Because I'm out here putting my whole motherfucking heart on my sleeve.

We're all equally traumatized. So what you're saying that a man comes in traumatized from a woman. Yes. A woman narcissist. Yes. He becomes a narcissist and just passes it on. No. No.

That's not what it is. Because I'm just saying. No, I'm saying that. They make the blame all be about a woman, though. You can't. A man narcissist is just a man narcissist. A woman narcissist is just a woman narcissist. You're projecting what the woman, like, we project what the man did to us.

So no matter how many times we get hurt, we're never going to be narcissists to the next man. We're not going to do that. We might be a bit guarded, but we're never going to turn into narcissists. So 50% of the women are narcissists, 50% of the men, and they ruin it for the good people that do love. Right. And then you do have trauma. Because even me, I could have been in my relationship where, It's like sometimes something happens and it's like the triggers from my past is like,

oh my God, this person doesn't love me or they're going to leave me or they're going to hurt me or they're going to do this because I did this. You know, like you hurt from it. And when you are a good person, it really does hurt when someone is projecting that onto you. And I've done it to others, you know, because you're hurt. Hurt people, you know, it's hard. It is. So I want to talk about this and this is a little deep, but I resonate with it and I want to

get into it. You did talk about struggling with depression. and be having suicidal, like, ideation and stuff. Yeah, hell of suicidal. And he talks about ketamine. I've done ketamine treatments. So how are you now and, like, what advice would you give to women? Because I'm someone who has struggled with, like, the same, like, just depression or been through stuff.

I know a lot of women have. And men, men just aren't as vocal about it. Yeah, that's sad. Yeah, it's sad because they don't have the opportunity to be as vocal about it because who's going to give a fuck about him? Which, you know, we will, but not society. Yes. You know, so speaking of that, and I appreciate your vulnerability, I really admire that because it's hard to talk on this. Yeah, I mean, I'm actually doing really good right now.

I did do ketamine treatments for a couple months, and it literally went away. I recommended it to everyone. I microdose. I couldn't do the IV. I've never done a drug in my life. I was very scared of it, so the microdosing was cool for me, which it just takes a bit longer to kind of work. but I did it for like three months three, four months.

And girl, one day I just woke up and I was like, I don't give a fuck about nothing. I swear to God, they do it for war veterans. That's how it started, yeah. And one day you just wake up and you're just like, I'm not suicidal no more, I don't give a fuck where that niggas at, what he's doing,

what happened in my childhood, what's going on, I just don't give a fuck, I'm going to the gym and fuck all y'all. Like, that's what it really does. But did it work? wear off because I did it. It did. Yeah, yeah. I did the IV though. Oh, girl. Okay, you're tough. And I did that for

the 10 days back to back to back. Uh-huh. And it was popping. How long did it last? Girl, like a few months maybe. Okay, mine lasted a year. Mine didn't, yeah. Okay. So mine lasted a year. A year later, the suicidal feelings start coming back. And I had

never been suicidal in my life. It was really after the pandemic, I had a newborn. Yeah. And I just, I don't know. Yeah. my hormones, everything was just really fucked up. And then I did ketamine again, and I've been good ever since. And that's like, it's been four, five years now. Wow. And so you just microdose it?

I did, yeah. Okay, so you did it again, and now you feel like. Now, I've been good for four years. Wow. Cetamine, is that legal? Yeah, it is. It is. So I worked for a man, and we opened up a bunch of ketamine clinics in L.A.

So the reason I tried it is because he's like, I know you've been through a lot, you've been robbed, you've been raped, you've been this, even that. So I went and I did it, and it was amazing. Like that sounds dangerous. No, I mean, it's a spot like treatment. Anyone can abuse any drug. You got to think about even like an oxy-contin or like a fentanyl.

They use feton hospitals or alcohol. Right, right. So if you abuse anything, you know, if you do it the right way, it could really help you. It really does. And I appreciate you talking about that. I know you spoke about your mom. She struggled with depression too.

Very severely. Yeah. I never had a problem with depression or anxiety. It was just like this fucking one-off that just threw me. But my mom had a very, very difficult life. I was essentially like her mother when I was like 13, 14, 15. I became her mom. Her mom committed suicide in front of her when she was 10.

I heard you say that that is traumatizing. Yeah. So my mom had a lot of mental health issues. And I was her only child. So I got the brunt of everything, you know. But life goes on. She's doing good now. She goes to a nice church.

And she's up. She has friends. And she works at a grocery store. Okay. Just to, you know, keep her mind healthy. Just to be around people. Yeah. My mom does that.

She don't got to worry. Her page. I pay for all everything. Yeah. No, I get that. I get that. But she does it for her mental health. And it's good for her.

My mom does that, too. She doesn't have to work at all and she'll go get random jobs. Yes. Yeah. So this is for both of y'all knowing that y'all dealt with mental health and used ketamine.

Like, was there other options that you try to talk to other people? Did you try to, like, indulge yourself in different activities to not think about it? Because, like, when I went through stuff and I just didn't lead a house when I was going through my little depression,

I was just like, I didn't want no friends, I didn't want to leave the house. And but then I was trying to talk to people, then that didn't work. I talked to two psychiatrists. That didn't work. I did have one meeting with them. I felt like I sat in front of one and I was like, no, I'm done with this. You know why? Because you're smarter than

them. That's my problem. That happens to me too. Yeah. But I started feeling better when I lit it out. That's good. You know what I'm saying? And that's a forever. It was like a decade or something before I just let it out and start talking more or being open more about when I was

traumatized and going through depression for. I felt like when you let it it's like, all right, that's out the way. Yeah. So, like, was that ever an option or, you know, was it like? Well, I feel like, yeah, I think that's a great thing because if you look at like AA meetings, you have to say like, hi, my name's Amber and I'm an alcoholic, right? You have to say it out loud in order for the healing process to start.

You know, so I think that's really admirable because a lot of men don't want us to, they internalize it. and me being a mother of two sons, I really advocate for that to, you know, I tell my sons all the time, tell me how you feel, you know, tell me about your experience, you know, communicate with your mama, let me know everything,

and the only time I tell my sons to not be emotional is when it comes to someone being weird or aggressive with them. Because I said, if you react emotionally, you're going to end up in jail, you're going to end up hurt, you're going to end up in a bad situation. But if you have genuine feelings about anything, you could always cry, talk about it, let it out,

and release it because that's the only way to do with it. Yeah, it's more accepted now. Like men are more, like, we can just like, the world is open to seeing men cry now. Whereas, like, for me growing up, you got to be tough out here. Like, little nigger, you're walking around, you better chest up, chin out.

Like, I don't want to see. Like, you fall, get your eyes up, boy. Well, that's why a lot of black men's mental is in shambles because of that. It was like, okay, you're okay. You got to scrape me, get up and come and talk to your mom or your dad. Let me know what's going on. How do you feel? You know, a lot of times it's like, man, shut up.

You are, you are, get up. Go do it again. You know, and it invalidates a child's feelings. And then they get older. And then we deal with these men. And they don't know how to communicate or have vulnerability. And we're just like, bro, can you just tell me you love me? Can you just tell me like, like, fuck.

Just love me and love me. Just say it. You know what I think about now. I come from an era. If you ride your bike, you fall off your bike, you start crying. Your mom might pop you in your head and say, get up. Yeah. Like, you cry, you're like, boy, get up.

Yeah. No, that's real. When you look at that, that's abuse. It is. It is. It is. My dad is 78, black man. But they didn't know back then.

That's what I'm saying. It's stigmatized. They didn't know. My dad is 78, a black man, never seen him cry. Not one time. I mean, people have died. His sister died. Like, I've never seen that man cry.

He's very just, like, cool all the time. And for me, it's like, it is hard. And I want to ask you this, like, how, you know, you've been with black man and you're married to a black man. Like, with his life, like, with his emotions, but I could be wrong. But, yeah. Yeah. He seems, like, more, like, open. But, like, how do you deal with communicating?

Because I feel like for me, historically, it's been difficult where I'm like, I'm trying to communicate, but a black man shuts down and they don't want to hear it. Or they're like, get like, yeah, whatever. Like, you know, and it's just kind of hard because you're like, I just want you to understand me. I just want you to love me. And it's always coming from a place of love and never like, hey.

I mean, I don't want to sound mean or anything. I don't give a fuck anymore. Deal with your own shit. I got to deal with my own shit. I'm not catering to you no more in your fucking feelings. If you don't know how to communicate and be vulnerable, you're not the one for me. Leave me to fuck alone.

I'm not your mama. If your mom fucked up, that's on you. That's on you to heal. I healed. I'm good. If you can't heal yourself or you can't be on the way to healing yourself and saying,

you know what, I see that I have an issue with being vulnerable and communicating and I'm willing to work on that with you because I love you enough to do that, then I can stay in that. Me too. But if it's just like,

this is who I am and I don't have time for that shit. Leave me to fuck alone. And that's just where I'm at. I feel that. I'm not there, but I do love that. You know, I do feel that 100% because it is difficult. But standing in that time for-

I just don't have the patience anymore, babe. I get it. I love that for you. Come into my life healed. Healed because it's not my responsibility to tiptoe around your triggers. Yeah. It's not.

Like, we all been through shit. I've been through some trauma. Or say Amber, you know what? What you did or what you said really triggered me. I just want to talk about it. And cool, we could talk about it. That's okay. You have a mature convoy and get to a resolution and be like, all right, people go through shit, let's get coffee.

And I'm not like, I apologize. Me too. I'm so sorry. I did not even realize that I said that and I apologize. Me too. Let me make you something to eat. Like, let me make it better for you, babe. That's how I am. I'm the same fucking way.

Like, I will be so apologetic. Like, I'm really sorry. I fucked up because I'm imperfect. Yeah. Never going to be perfect. And then you'll make something to eat after that? I will suck a dick and make something to eat. Yeah.

But, you know, it'll make something to eat. Yeah. But, you know. If the response is correct, though, if the response is like still aggressive and still like, whatever, I'm doing it back up. Then it's like, well, damn. Go make your own food.

Yeah, if your response is, yeah, suck your own dick. I'm crying. Like, if you still want to hold on the shit when I try to be apologetic and be cool, then yeah, go, bye. And even still, my dumb ass will still be apologizing that night the next morning the next day. I'm done with that shit.

See? And I'll still apologize. I'm sorry, please, but that's just how I am. But anyways, that's real. Okay, so getting into recently you've been streaming. I know that's the new thing. I've seen you last night you were streaming, right? All day, 12 hours yesterday.

12 hours that was. That's a long day. It was a long day, yeah. Damn. So I saw Adrian Brunner. Yes. And he just seems girl a mess. So what was that like?

Because I know they were all over you, on you. I saw a lot of clips on that. Of course they were, period. I can't go lie. They're funny as hell. They are funny, yeah. They're funny, but how did you feel? Did you ever feel uncomfortable?

Did you feel cool? What was the vibe? So I would say I felt uncomfortable because I had never did a sub-a-thon before, which is all day, 24 hours a day, like, you know, cameras on you. Excuse me. So I had never done that before. So when I first walked in, I was just meeting them. Yeah. For the first time.

And AB, I had met AB in passing. throughout the years. Like I never really, I never hung out with him or anything. But, yeah, I was just walking into something that I had never experienced before and he's just pushing up on me like, you know, like, I just, you know, what about us?

Can we just try? And I'm like, can we try? It's crazy. You know? Like, he was smelling your chair. He was smelling my chair. He was looking at your water bottle. I'm like, this man is gone over this lady.

Yeah, it was a lot. It was a lot. to walk into. But I think like going into it, you're like, okay, they're constantly trolling. They're making the stream, like, funny.

Yeah. But sometimes you're like, is this my fucking serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if he's playing right now. I knew he was playing five minutes ago. I don't know if he's playing right now. I'm confused.

No, I'm serious. He's like, yeah. Yeah, he was dead ass. For show, AB was dead ass. I think he is. And I think right now, I don't know. He was dead ass. You know what happened?

You had me rolling when you was like, this stomach is alcohol, baby. You got a, you got a... Somic's fucking out to here. Yeah. You was like, that's a little too much stomach for me. Yeah, that's not my type. I could do a hot dab bod. Like, it don't got to be a six-pack, but that is insane.

Yeah, that's insane. But you have historically dated really, like, kind of attractive men. You think so? I think you have. Thank you for that. Because everyone says I date ugly niggas. Why? Because Wiz is attractive. I think he's very attractive.

He's extremely attractive. Like, he's a vibe. Yeah. For show. And then you were with the AE guy. Yes. That's my son's father. He's father.

Uh-huh. He's attractive. Yeah. You know, like, MG, M-G-K. Is that his, MGK? Machine Gun, Kelly. He's attractive. Yeah, he's attractive.

100 cents. I say that, but I honestly feel like you've been with mainly attractive, man. Like, I feel like I've been with, like, medium. Like, not all the time. But my. Not like... Medium. No, no, no.

Fives are bad. Five, six. No, my past is like, I like a medium, ugly man. I don't want a man that's more in the mirror than me. That's like, yes. I love a pretty... See, you like a pretty... I knew that.

Because I could see the type of man you've been with, are, like, real pretty men. Like, which you guys compliment each other well. She said the other day that the dude was on Love Island was gorgeous. Who, which one? No, no. No, no. You watched Love Island?

Yeah. Girl. I love it. So wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't like his personality. I know who you're going to say, but Corbyn is traditionally gorgeous. I don't think he is. Ever.

That's not my type. That's not my type. I like medium, ugly. I will go for Casey over Corby for me. But okay, Casey's sexy. I would go for Casey. That's my favorite. The dark-skinned black man.

I would deal with Casey over Corbyn. But Corbyn, you can't lie. Traditionally, though, you don't think of... He has a hot body, I'll give you that. He does. And a nice hairline, but other than that, I'm not into his face. You don't love it. So who's your most attractive on Love Island?

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