Club Shay Shay - Club Shay Shay - Bert Kreischer Part 2

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

Download the PrizePicks app today and use code SHANNON to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup! https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/SHANNON Bert Kreischer sits down for a wide-ranging conversation that traces his unlikely path from Florida State party legend to sold-out arena comic. A Florida State alumn, viral content creator, and self-described one of the greatest partiers of all time, Bert reflects on how his reputation—and work ethic—eventually turned into a full-blown comedy empire. Bert starts by talking about where the clothes Shannon Sharpe gave him ended up, then recalls running into Shannon two Super Bowls ago and admitting he was already a fan. He breaks down playing an exaggerated version of himself on stage and promotes his Netflix comedy series Free Bert, explaining how leaning into character became part of his success. The conversation turns personal as Bert opens up about being an unsuccessful young dad while surrounded by parents who seemed to have it all together. He discusses watching his friends get rich around the same time he did, questioning what kind of millionaire he wanted to be, and dealing with an identity crisis and survivor’s remorse as fame hit while others struggled. He explains how his podcast became awkward when people kept asking how he “made it.” Bert revisits his six-year run at Florida State, how a Rolling Stone article changed his life, and why Oprah asked to have him and his parents on her show. He explains why he stayed in college so long and how he began turning stories from his friends and daughters into stand-up material—including stealing a joke from his daughter that she later demanded he remove. He shares stories of his daughters touring with him alongside Mark Normand, Shane Gillis, Joey Diaz, and Sal Vulcano, their no-nonsense views on celebrities, and setting boundaries like refusing to curse before 16 or asking him to delete videos. Bert also laughs about answering phone calls on stage, including picking up when Shaq called him from the toilet. Bert talks about walking away from baseball to become a full-time party guy, the embarrassment of losing his virginity, and how National Lampoon: Van Wilder—starring Ryan Reynolds—was inspired by his life. He explains why he chose not to sue, his desire to meet Reynolds, and hopes of appearing in a future Deadpool. The episode also covers his dad funding his move to New York, tough love birthday advice, getting fired for taking his clothes off at work, meeting Will Smith, pitching movies, and getting career advice at a urinal. Bert revisits the viral Russian Mafia train-robbery story, advice from Joe Rogan, tension with Kevin Hart, thoughts on Katt Williams, legendary comedians like Patrice O’Neal and Ralphie May, financial mistakes, marriage without a prenup, and his experience at the Netflix Tom Brady Roast—all before circling back to Free Bert on Netflix.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you for coming back. Part two is underway. When you're in college, one of your best stories that you told was being a part of the Russian mafia. How do you come up with that? I did it. I don't know. Like when you talk about being on the Ravens,

how do you come up with that? I did it. Yeah, I mean, I did it. So how did you get involved in that? Oh, let's top it off. What are we doing? Damn, man. Yeah, one of us, go.

I love the pores you give. Jesus. What is this? This is really good. This is not. This is whiskey? This is a cognate. No, it's not. Yes, it is. I only had cognac one time of my life. Two times in my life. Two times of my life. One time, it was at the Russian ballet with Igor the gangster. It was all they sold was cognac. And I swear to God, and he gave it to me. I love drinking. I love them. There's something I don't want to do. Drinking can get me through it. Right. And he brought us eight baby bottles of cognac for the Russian ballet. They normally do vodka, though. All they had was cognac. Okay. And I took one sip, and I almost threw up.

The other time I had cognac was Louis the 15th. 13th. That guy, too. And it was on my wedding honeymoon. And it was with an Italian mafia guy. who took me and my wife, his wife Dawn and my wife Leanne, to dinner at this very, we were on a private island, and he got Louis the 13th. And I threw it up just outside the restaurant. And I love this.

And I've never liked cognac in my life. This is mine. It's a BSOP. BASOP, very special old pale. Age between four and six years. In order for it to be a cognac, it has to originate in the cognac region for at least two years. So this is a combination between a petite champagne and an unibloat grape. Each region have their grapes that have a specific taste.

Oh, well. What you got? What you got? This is my vodka. Are you Russian? And we make it in Texas. That's all I know. Now this is my vodka. Either the potato vodka?

No. It's the other one. It's the other one. Yeah, it's our vodka. Take that. That's the best for you. Okay. But I'm enjoying this cognac.

I can't switch to vodka. No, no, you can't. You definitely be growing up. Yeah. Russian Mafia. So, in all honesty, like I said, I... Because you know when you tell the story, people are not going to believe you. No one believes any of my stories.

The one that killed me the most out of all of it is like... And it's like the worst moniker you can get. First of all, I'm a storyteller. So my story has to be enter. First, factual second. Correct. I can't, if you want to hear facts, that's called nonfiction, I don't, it's not what I do. Right.

I'm a storyteller. It's based in truth, but it's gotta be funny. The one that killed me the hardest was the Tracy Morgan story, which is the best story I think ever, ever, ever. Okay. And it's the first time I met Tracy Morgan and I told that. And it got, drama arose around it, but Tracy heard it and he didn't remember it or didn't and he said that never happened and that bud that bought me out so much and then one day

recently I got a face time from Tracy Morgan and he was like you know I heard you have a story about me I said I do he said I'd like to hear that story I was like okay that's why I flew to New York you couldn't tell him over face time oh no this listen you want to hear a story I'll apply I'll apply to you it's Tracy rocking Morgan he's dude listen goats are goats right yeah No shade on any comic. Chris Rock has to understand this. He's a brilliant comic. He's the reason I got into stand-up.

That Bring the Pain is the best special I've ever seen in my entire life to date. And I know that Chappelle's are just getting better. But, I mean, bring the pain. Tracy Morgan's on a different level. Tracy Morgan is funny 100% of the time and 100% of the things he does. He can make eating crackers funny. I watched the man eat Chick-fil-A and he had me roll. I mean, the guy is just, he is comedy incarnate.

Okay. So the fact that I had any kind of beef or any tension with Tracy Morgan broke my heart. I'm such a fan of his. So when he says to me, I'd like to hear that story, I said, I'll fly to New York, I'll tell it to you. So I flew to New York, I sat down with him, I told him the story. He remembered, he corrected me on a couple parts of it. We laughed hysterically.

And he looked to me, he goes, you have my permission to tell that story. And I went, that was like, that was like, that was like, that was like, that was like, Like, wow. Oh, it's like the greatest feeling I've ever had. I was with my buddy Ari Shafir had helped set that meeting up. Right. And even Ari and I, when we went out and started drinking immediately, it was like 11 o'clock in the afternoon, we went out drinking and we're like, can you believe that just happened?

Wow. And he's like, so many people thought you made that up. And I could never make it up. It's too funny. It's Tracy. It's Tracy is just, he is just, anything around him is hysterical. But people always thought the Russian mafia one just made it up but by the way off to the side if if I do make these up yeah then just

maybe I'm a masterful storyteller right but I didn't right like that's the the sadness of me is you already heard it I'm pulling from I have I barely recognize previous experience yeah and so I was doing Lovelin with Dr. Drew uh probably 17 years ago and uh someone called up one of the callers and they're like, hey, call her, have you got any questions? And they're like, no, Bert, why don't you tell the story about the time you robbed your friends on a train in Russia? And I was like, oh, shit. I was like, yeah.

And Drew's like, what? I was like, I robbed the train with the Russian mafia. And he was like, wait, what? And I told the story for the very first time there, on Loveline. Is it probably the purest, that story is that you ever going to hear that story? That's bare bones of my memory. Wow. And Dr. Drew said to me, this is your,

This is your story. This is your movie. And he asked me to come back the next night. And the next night I came back to Love Line again. This is when Loveline was like, own the charts. It was crazy. And he said, tell the story one more time. When I told it again that night.

And then I told it like Elliot in the morning. I told it on Cowhead. I told it on a couple places that like my friends were where it was like a safe place. And then I did Rogan for the first time. And Rogan. And I just casually said, not thinking like, I was like, he was like, you got great stories. Like, well, next time I'm, here, let me tell you about the time I got involved with the Russian mafia and robbed of train.

And he was like, what? And he called me like a week later. He's like, dude, come on the podcast again. This is old school, Rogan. Yeah. You know, this is like when he did it at his house. So I went and I told that story. And he said to me, he said, you need, that's your story.

You need to tell them on stage. I was never going to tell it on stage. It's a 13-minute story, 12-minute story. Stand-of comedy should be done in small bites. The long-form comedy was not. No one was doing that not Chris Rock not cat and I mean that with respect Yeah, no one was doing 13 minute bits yeah maybe cat was I don't know but but but uh And so I worked on this story. I went to Columbus Ohio and I told it the first time there and

And then I kept working on it and it just would bomb and it would bomb and then one day it started getting better and then one day I found an ending to the story But yeah, it's it's and then here's the funny part the really interesting part is I thought I'd milked it, right? Yeah. I'd gotten it. I told it on my special. I did a Showtime special. I put it there.

And I was like, all right, everyone that's seen it's going to see it. It's got 3 million views from Rogan. Three million views on this other thing. It's good. And then I posted it December 27th, 2016, I think, on Facebook. Just, you know, like I just took it off my special, posted it. and one of the first people to leave a comment was this woman and her comment was it was like the very first comment you'd see and it was um I was in Birch Russian class I was on this

trip to Russia this story is 100% true he robbed us and then she tagged everyone in my class in that post and then they started posting pictures of the Russian trip and everyone was like This is a true and they people were just chiming in direct messaging these people like this is a true story and people were like yeah this is a true story robbed us And they're like wait hold on do you have a picture of the gangster of Igor and they're like yeah here's a picture of Igor and Burr arm wrestling And it became this like big chat thread Wow and that story went viral and that went viral like crazy I've never had anything like that in my life I never will have anything like that I'll never notice anything like that I mean the first night was like three million views and the next night's five million and then seven Then 9 million, 12 million, 20 million, 30 million, 40 million, 50 million.

And then all of a sudden it's like every show is sold out. Every, you're going to be theaters. Then theaters are sold out. And then I kept saying, I'll retire the story when I stop doing bigger venues. Right. As long as my venues are getting bigger, that means it's new people. Right. That have never heard the story before the first time.

And then you're doing, what, 35,000 at the gorge? And you're like, well, I guess I'm telling it here. Right. And then you're doing arenas. And, you know, I'm on my, what, third arena tour right now. And you're like, but, you know, it's, it's, here's a deal. My favorite comic, one of my favorite comics in the world is Ron White. His Tater Salad story is one of the best stories I've ever heard my entire life.

And every time I see him do stand up, I just want to hear him tell it. You know, it's like there's certain things you, I would, like. Yeah, it's like your favorite singer. You want to hear him sing that's, you know, you want to hear him sing. And it's not, it's not, it's not cool. It's not supposed to be like that. But like, like, if I see Cat. Yeah.

and Cat comes up to me right before, and he goes, is there anything you want to see? I go, oh, my God, can you just do all of Pimp Chronicles? Or like if Chris Rock's like, hey man, I'm going on stage. Is there any joke you like to hear? I go, oh, black people versus, you know, yeah, what are we talking about? Yeah, I would love to hear that. I would love to give that in person, you know?

And so that's how I feel as like a comic. I go, I want to make sure they get their money's worth. But you stole a boat. We stole a boat, yeah. We, uh, you were you not, have you not heard stories of the Russian prison? No, hang on. So just so we're clear, this is 1995. So no one knew about what was going on. I mean, communism fell in 2008. 88, right? This is 2000, what this is 95. So there's no, all we knew about Russians is like, they didn't have toilet paper and they waited a line for bread, right? And that's all we knew. Yeah. And then we went over there and my teacher came back and she had a city, we flew on a Delta flight. I was in like, row 35, I was in the back. I was in the back. I know that sounds like flying in the back of planes. She sat next to me and she goes, I need to show you something.

And she undid her pants and she pulled out an inside fanny pack and it had cash. So what's that? She goes, we're paying off the mafia to keep us safe and we're all smuggling money in. And I went, this trip just got awesome. I was like, are you being serious? And she's like, yeah. And I'm freaking out. And I was like, oh my God, this is going to be a blast.

This is going to be like this. The mafia? And they told us that the mafia runs this city. They rent it. There was a magazine, a newspaper out at the time of these two Americans. I wish someone would find it, and it's really fascinating. And they were seeing how much, at one point they said, I wonder if we could put a body in the trunk and get pulled over by the cops. I wonder how much it would cost to pay them off.

And it was so little that they're like, by the end, they just had a head on their dashboard. Like, it was like crazy. It was lawless. Wow. It was lawless. And so we got there and they told us that. They're like, this is lawless. These guys are going to stay with you.

They'll walk you to class. Don't go out on your own. Don't go. I mean, you can explore around the neighborhood, but don't go. This is, it's a different world. And I remember one year, one day, it's the Russian May Day. The day everyone goes out on the Kiev River and they go into the Gulf of Finland on boats. And my next door neighbor was the mafia guy, Igor.

and I had the room right next to him. And I used to go over every morning and see what's up. And I went over and all his boys were in there. Either eating dried fish, drinking Baltkas. And he's like, I was like, what's up? He's like, sit down. Bye die on. You know?

And I was like, hey. And I said, we're going on a boat today. And he just, he's been drinking all night. He goes, no boat. I said, what? He goes, we have no boat? It's the busiest day on the river. How do I get boat?

I was like, well, my whole class is in ponchos with wrist seasick band's on. They think we're going on a boat and he goes, I have no boat and his buddies are like, we have no bolt. And I was like, we have no boat. And he's like, no bolt. Teacher comes down and it's like, hey, are we ready to go on the boat? And then all them are like, let's go. And they all just grab the cases of beer and the dried fish and we start walking to the Kiev River, which was like two blocks away from us. And all of a sudden, out of an alleyway comes one of Igor's buddies. And he comes sprinting, goes, Igor, we have a bolt. He goes, we have bolt. He goes, I've got the ball.

Igor hits me, we've got the bolt. I'm like, we've got bolt. We get there and there's the perfect boat. The best way to describe this boat is like the boat from Sid and Nancy that those sex pistols took out on the river and played God Save the Queen. That's the boat. That's the boat. Wow.

And it's beautiful. We walk on the dock, we load up, we put beer in there, and the dockmaster comes down. And he's like, gentlemen, gentlemen, I need papers for bolt. And Igor's buddy, lifts up his shirt, shows the gun. He goes, here are out of papers. And the guy's like, all right, have it back by three. And so we stole a boat. Wow.

Yeah. And then I remember telling my teacher, I was like, yo, his buddy has a gun. And she was like, oh, that's not good. I was like, no shit. She was like, well, they seem to like you. You hang out with them. And so I hung up with this guy and partied on the bottom of a boat. You plan on going back to Russia?

Never. Listen, here's a deal. Here's a deal. You know, after the whole, after the whole Riyadh comedy festival debacle, if Putin hits me up and he wants me to do it. a private show, I think PR-wise, it's not a bad look. If Putin, I gotta be honest with you, man, I've always put it out there. I like, all my boys went over to re-aud it, and it didn't bother me. Right.

I got the offer, but they wouldn't let me perform shirtless. So I passed. I didn't know about their politics. I was like, not shirtless. But if, I mean, Putin hit me up privately and he was like, yo, I want you to do a stand-up. I want to hear a machine. I'd be like, I'll fucking fly to Russia. You would be scared?

Yeah, I'd be terrified. But it's still going. It's another story. Yeah. Come on so special. Absolutely, absolutely. And then I ride shirtless on a horse with Putin. Do you give advice to young and up-and-up-income comedian?

I do, but the best advice is don't take anyone's advice. Right. I mean, I have given people advice. I'll give people advice of like how to prepare for a special. Yes. You want to know what my evenings actually look like? Homework questions. Someone needs a permission slip signed.

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If you're up-and-coming comedian, you're a couple of years away from a special. I told someone the advice the other day, they're like, what advice would you give me? I said, don't shoot a special. And they're like, what do you mean? I go, everyone's doing specials. There's too many specials. I go, just wait, just wait and get really, really good. But, you know, my advice is from a 53-year-old comedian who started when there was no internet.

Right. You know, so it's like, don't listen to me. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I mean, the best advice I ever got was from Rogan, and I didn't understand it. We were sitting in the back of the comedy store, and he goes, he goes, he goes, goes, you need a Netflix special. And I was like, yeah. I go, how do I do that?

And he just looks at me, he goes, be undeniable. I go, what's that mean? He goes, be undeniable. Write that down. Be undeniable. I was like, how the fuck do I know? What do you? And like, I was like, what?

So I wrote be undeniable on my joke book. And then one night, I went on stage, and I watched comics jockey to get away from, like, they didn't want to follow me. And I went, oh, that's undeniable. And these were really good comments. Yeah. And they didn't want to follow me. And then all of a sudden, I got two kids at home, and I'm going on at 1215.

And I'm watching these guys without kids try to get in and out. Oh, I got a spot over the Laugh Factory. Can I get? And then they never left. Right. They just wanted to watch me. And I was like, oh, that's uneniable. You told a joke that Kevin Hart got a little lucky because that Chappelle went to Africa and cat went to jail.

Here's a deal. I believe in luck more than I do hard work. Yeah. There was a period when Kevin, who I love, love Kevin, but kept bragging about him being the hardest work working comic in the world. And very casually, I was like, well, just, I get that. I get that. It was when everyone was like, I wake up at 2 in the morning, and I get to the gym by 2.30.

And I was like, I want to hear about your luck, because the luck is just as important. And it kind of makes you a little more relatable sometimes. Correct. And I know Kevin is talented. Trust me, and I know it from an intimate level. I've seen him work. And I've got to tell you, to be able to share a movie like Jumanji with your kids and laugh hysterically, you know how talented that guy is. But I do want to hear about the luck.

The luck is, and this is folklore, cat was supposed to do Fool's Gold. And he packed a gun in his suitcase. And he couldn't do it. Right. And they're like, look, we got a size 22 waist and a medium shirt waiting for someone. Do we have anyone small and black that can get this role? That's what I heard. Right. So I want to hear that story. Kevin, tell me that story, because that makes me, that makes you relatable to me. Like, then I go, oh, like, I want to hear the story. So I've always led with those stories of, like, of like the luck. And sometimes, you know, comics, big breaks are with luck. Like, and I don't want to whittle this down to that's all they are, but that's the truth is sometimes you need that thing.

I'll break it down, okay? Bill Burr. I love Bill Burr. Yes. Love Bill Burr. Bill Burr had a viral video of him getting heckled in Philly that went crazy big on the internet. Now, it's luck. He went up.

They started, you ever seen this? It's dare I say and Bill would disagree better than the Bernie Mac Def Jam. Wow. Bill Burr goes on stage. at the spectrum in Philly or whatever. And they had already heckled the guy in front of him. Wasn't a great crowd. They started heckling him.

There's a list of comics going on. Bill's supposed to do 12 minutes. And he starts doing a joke and it doesn't work. And they start booing him. And he goes, eh, you know what? You Philly, your city sucks. And he starts making fun of them. And then he looks at the clock.

He goes, no, no, no, no. You're not getting me out of here. I got 10 minutes left. I'm going to spend 10 minutes destroying you people. You guys vote for you guys support Rocky Joe Lewis is from here. That's how it raises you a piece of shit and he keeps looking at the clock and he goes eight minutes left eight minutes of me and it's brilliant. It is masterful. It is inspired of the moment and it is shot on the shittiest camera in the world But that story goes viral and I'm telling you boom Jim Jeffries he's standing up he's at stand up at the comedy store in London Guy jumps on stage punches him in the head Jim Jeffries had a manager

Brett Vincent, who was very familiar with the internet. And he grabbed that video from the security cam, posted it on MySpace. Jim Jeffries goes viral for that one moment. Joe Rogan, Joe Morgan confronts Carlos Menci on stage. Brian Redband shoots it, posts it. Now, Joe Rogan's moment goes viral, but he gets in a lot of trouble. He gets kicked out of the comedy store.

His agent drops him. He has to refocus on himself. He starts his podcast. Now look at Joe today. Every comic has that one lucky moment, that one crazy moment, moment, that one crazy moment that happens to them. And that makes you relatable. If you just tell me you the hardest working guy in the world, I go, okay. Because there are a lot of people who work hard that don't make it. There's guys watching this right now that are driving to go dig a ditch.

And they're like, yeah, I work hard with this ditch, but where's my luck? Right. I believe in luck more than I do hard work. Wow. You lost it all. Lost everything. Built back up. Yeah. Did you, did you believe you could build it back up? You're like, damn, how did I lose it? What did do wrong where did that go wrong and if I ever get back in this situation again I promise you it won't happen again I wish I was that insightful no I just was like I was like that were you mad when you lost everything so I I've never been good with money I made I made a ton of money when I was very young 26 to 20 to 30 years old I made a ton of money yeah and uh and I remember one time my business manager was like, are you sick?

I was like, what? And he's like, you're spending money like you have cancer. And so I was just, I was like took my wife to Europe, by my dating at the time. I go to Europe, you know, five, first class. I don't know, $1,300 versus $13,000. Right. And then we get pregnant with Georgia. We're married.

I'm like, I say casually, I'm going to take a couple months off to be here for the birth. Huh? I was like, I'll take, you know, June and July off, so I'm here for the birth. And my business manager calls me and he's like, you owe $60,000 in taxes. I was like, cool. He's like, we only have $20,000 in your account. And I was like, well, where's the rest of the money? He's like, you spent it.

I was like, well, what do I do? And he's like, I don't know. And I was like, what the fuck? I called my dad. My dad laughed. I've never heard my dad laugh so hard. I thought he was having a stroke. And he was like, this is what it's like to be a man.

Right. He was like, good luck. He goes, figure it. it out buddy and I think those are the moments that define you as an artist also and define you as a man is when you go all right time to buckle down and I'm just gonna do the road and I'll figure it out I also someone that I don't think about money and I don't I always figure it's gonna show up yes I remember one time my wife was like we're broken and and we had two kids and she got really upset and started crying and she

goes I think I'm bad luck and I went what she goes you have had all the success And then you meet me and all the success goes away. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. I go, I have so much good luck that my good luck will overwhelm you. Right. And you're going to be lucky soon. Don't worry.

We're going to get through this. And I really, honestly, I just always believe money will show up. My wife grew up poor and just doesn't not, when you have that mentality of like, always not having and always not having, you're afraid money's not going to show up. And I'm not saying I grew up rich. I didn't. But I definitely didn't grow up poor. Great.

I didn't. I mean, I know you were raised by your grandmother. I had a great relationship with my grandmother, but I didn't, like, I, I was, I was, I was, I grew up with what you'd say is privilege. Right. I just never thought about money and I just never think about money and I go, it'll show up, it'll show up. And if it goes away again, I'll show up again. But your wife told you she was $25,000 in debt. Oh, my God. And that did deter you.

Oh, my God. I didn't know when you got married, you accrued their debt. I remember, I remember this is a joke. Take it all old. I was like, I'm paying for a cruise you went on to sleep with some dude. I don't know that, dude. I'm paying for that? Oh, dude.

It's the only joke I ever wrote that she hated. And I'll tell you now, but she hated that. You told it as a joke, huh? I told him, I said, when we got married, I said, we should have anal sex. And she went, why? So what do you mean? Why? She goes, why would you want to do that?

I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Just maybe to do it? I don't know. Why did we want to beat the Russians to the moon? To be there first? I don't know. Why?

And then I found out we accrued their debt. And I was like, we should have any of sex. She goes, why? I go for $25,000, that's why. She was like, I don't like that joke. Don't have that. Pre-knit-up. Did you get a pre-n-n-up?

No, I didn't have any money. You didn't have any money. When I got married, when I got married, we had such little money. Right. That she paid for the wedding and her family. And I think the wedding was like $1,500. We had it at the church, her grandfather, owned, in Bowden, Georgia.

They put up a tent. It was freezing. It was in December. Who gets married in December? Two people that are pregnant. Two people that want to fit in. One woman that wants to fit in a dress, another guy's got a baby coming in June. My daughter was like, wait. One day she's like, wait, you guys got married in December. I was born in June. And we're like, oh, finally you figured the math out.

Best accident that ever happened. Because, you know, Dave Portnoy told the story. He's like, look, my wife, my ex-wife still have access to my account. I've heard that. He said, look, because when we were struggling and didn't have anything, I was sleeping on her parents' couch and she was helping this. And so you need to tell me now that I'm prosperous and I'm doing all this. He doesn't get to benefit any of it.

I was like, damn, Dave, I don't know how many men are there like you out there. Oh, if I, if my wife, I mean, my wife and I'll never get divorced, I can't imagine that that would ever happen in my life. You keep that a joke, it might happen. Buddy, I did an interview with Bunny Ex-I. You know Bunny, Jelly's wife, Jelly Roll? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I did an interview with Bunny, and Bunny and Leanne are close.

They're really close. Like, they talk a lot. Yes. And I guess I just thought, because they talk a lot, I could overshare. Yeah. And I just, I don't know, sometimes you do a podcast. You forget people are going to hear this. Like, Kevin Hart's going to hit me up.

Yeah, he's like, hey, what the fuck? Yeah. He's like, and Cat Williams going to hit me up. He was like, hey, wasn't a God of a bitch? That was a bad cat impression. But, but, and I overshared in Us Weekly. Did you see this yesterday? Us Weekly covered the whole thing.

They're like, Burke Kreiser says he's got nude pictures of his wife that he keeps in a hidden folder. And I was like, I said that? Like, I couldn't, I mean, I've overshared with my wife. I have a lot. This is what I want to know. I'm going to get you out of him on this. the roast. Yeah.

When I was a kid and you were a kid, roast were a big thing, Dean Martin. I mean, they had the who's who, and they said some things like, and they kind of, we kind of became a little bit more conscious and a little bit like,

yeah, we probably shouldn't talk like that. But this Tom Brady roast, this was the Dean Martin, this was the Bob Hope, this was all the way back, y'all let it all hang out. So when Netflix hits you up, They're like, we want to do this roast of Tom Brady.

You take it from there. I got the call first, and I said, I'll do it. I'm not good at roast because I'm a story guy. Right. And so I'm not good at like, a good roast person has either a good Mr. Act comic. Yeah. You know, like Wendy Leibben was amazing.

But like she wouldn't a good roast, but a good Mr. Rec comic. Or like Kevin's roasting was so good. Because it's Kevin's voice. Yes. But it's not typical roasting. He just was like, he really put his voice into it. And I said, I'll do it, but I would love to do it with Tom, and I'd love to do something different. And so they reached out to Tom.

Tom, Tom, Tom was like, no, we're not doing this. I go, dude, it would be great. I think it's going to be big. It's Tom Brady. We get to meet Tom Brady. Yes. And he goes, yeah, but let's, and the big thing Netflix was like, we don't want you to just be one of the roasters because by the time you go up, all the jokes will be told. Right.

We want you to do something different. We want you do like a sports center-ass thing. And we were like, okay, we'll do that. So we did that. I remember right before we started, I think Nikki had already gone on and murdered. Oh, my God. I mean, Nikki, Nicky Glazier. Look, everybody's good.

Hinchcliff, everybody. Rawls. Everybody was amazing. Nikki brought the house down. You have no idea. You have no idea. She brought the house down. I want to interview her.

I want to sit down with her. I want on Club J-Shall. She is, so I've known Nikki forever. I mean, I'd say a little sister to me. She's like an aunt to my girls. My wife and I are close with her. She's like a little sister of All Us Comics. And when she had, when we saw the moment happening with the,

me no, grunk, no, not real money. Me and Tommy looked at each other and were like, we're watching someone's life change. And we were watching that moment happen. And I think it was Shultz and Tommy, and we were just like, it was like, we had a moment as comics to know this is going to make. He's never going to be the same with you.

Never going to be the same. Never going to be the same. Listen, like I said, everyone did great. Everyone did great. Except for Kim Kardashian, everyone did great. Kim Kardashian had a rough set, and I'll tell you what. Come on, man, I'm trying to get Kim on here, man. Ben a Fleck.

Hold on, don't. I won't shit on Kim. Kim took it on the chin and stood there and said, you will not break me. Yeah, because they booed everybody. She sat there like William Wallace and goes, you can take my life, but you can't take my freedom. I mean, they gutted her.

Yeah, did he. But Tom and Tom and Benafleck had a tough one. He went off book and he got lost and he didn't read his prompter. Everyone did great. But Nikki owned that night and she's owned it. Everyone knew she was that great. Everyone's always known she was that great. You're just waiting for that moment for the moment to rise.

My favorite part about that whole That whole evening I have a couple favorite parts I have three favorite parts Right before Tom and I went on Tom goes what if we bomb and I said we're not gonna bomb He goes what if we bomb we're behind the prompter we're behind the screen and I go buddy if we bomb we bomb together We go down together I've never felt like I've been to war with a man But that moment where Tom and I hugged and we kissed on the cheek and then we went in and we had our moment We did great second greatest moment

I've been like this night was so good yes it was amazing it was amazing I get a knock on my doors me and Thomas here in a dressing room I get a knock on the door and we're like and usually it doesn't happen and we just door open and he goes hey man can I smoke in here and it's Chappelle Chappelle's like I don't know any of these guys can I hang out with you guys look of course Chappelle's our ghost he's our ghost he did and he just sat smoke drank I don't think he ever went and saw the show I think he just hung out in our green room the whole time. After that, we all get done the show. I see Leanne, my wife, we're walking down the hallway, we're going to the post party. I mean, the craziest moments of like people talking about the numbers, how many people watch it. I mean, people walking by going, dude, there's like 100 million people where the live stream shut down twice. And this is the biggest live stream we've heard of you're all hearing all these moments. Tom Brady is making fun of Gronk, who's making fun of Edelman, who's making Randy Ross. And it's like, all these things are happening in this one moment. And we're stepping in the room.

And it's Nikki Glazer and her parents. And Nikki Glazer sitting with her shoes off, so confused, trying to process what happened for her. She was, and, you know, as a comic hero, he's in security. She goes, was it good? And I went, Nikki. Your life is never going to be the same. She was like, I did good, right? She's not, she's not, I was like, Nikki.

I was like, oh, this is crazy. And then I got a good joke out of the night. I got a good joke out of the night is, uh, gronk came up to me. It's in my last special lady. Grant came up to me and he goes, he goes, I want to meet two people, Dave Chappelle and my wife, and your wife. And I went, what?

He goes, I only want to meet two people here. Your wife and Dave Chappelle. I go, well, one of them is going to let you down. So I introduced him to Chappelle. And he's like, do you think he knows who I am? I go, Gronk, everyone knows who you are. Chappelle's the best. He's like, it's like, Grog, you know, hugs him.

And I bring him over to my wife. You want to know what my evenings actually look like? Homework questions. Someone needs a permission slip sign. the dog's begging for a walk, someone's yelling for a snack. And somewhere in the middle of all that, I'm supposed to figure out dinner? That's why HelloFresh has been a lifesaver. Fresh ingredients show up at my door, locally sourced when possible,

simple step-by-step recipes that actually make sense. And no matter how chaotic the rest of my night gets, dinner is the one thing I don't have to stress about. I'm just cooking a delicious meal my family will actually eat, and it takes around 30 minutes. And honestly, the real value is knowing that even on the men, messiest nights. Dinner's handled. That's one less thing pulling at me. And that matters. Take some stress out of your evenings right now. Get 50% off your first box plus free sides for life.

That's right. Free sides for life. Go to Hellofresh.c.c8 and use code rescue 50. That's hellofresh.c.cata's number one meal kit delivery service. I didn't have this joke until this moment. And he meets Leanne, Gronks, six, seven. And Leanne's, you know, 5, 4, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 50, 5 years old. And they're talking. And he looks at me and he goes, you make fun of her for being old. She looks beautiful, Bert. And I went, Gronk, you're 6'7.

When she looks up, all her skin tightens. And I put that joke in my special. Shout out to the gronk. I go, everyone looks beautiful to you. Talk to Roseanne Barr. Shout to to Rosanne. When you do a roast, do that is, was there, Anything off limits, there anything that you couldn't talk about?

Yeah. His kissin is kissing his kid. And you couldn't talk about Robert Kraft. But that's not me and Tom Spadder. Because y'all were killing the man. Did anybody know? Obviously, she's been remarried. She's had a child.

Did anybody know the extent of which the relationship was with the trainer at the time? No. By the way, I did zero research. Okay. I went in going, we got our bit. It's just making fun of his pregnancy picture. But, like, I think some people did, but I don't give a shit. I don't want to hurt.

My thing about stand-up is, is like, I don't want to deal with the bullshit. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. And I know that sounds like a weak perspective. But, like, if you're paying to come to my show, I don't want to fuck your night up. But it a roast is different. It's a roast. It's bad. It's a roast.

I did a roast for jelly roll. And Cole Houser. Cole Houser and Kid Rock are there. Right? Yeah. And so I'm not good at roast, but I'm good at, I'm a good comedian. Yeah. So if you're going to fuck with me, I'm going to be back. Right.

So Cole Houser and Kid Rock, my wife's a huge Cole Houser fan. So I bring him up, I go, baby, this is Cole Houser. He's ripping. He'll say, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Cole Houser is like, hey, you know, he's old school Hollywood. His parents are the Warner Brothers. His grandfather was one of the Warren brothers. And he's like a legend.

Right. And he goes, you're going to come after me tonight? and I had no jokes about him. And I was like, no, no. And he was like, and Kid Rock's about, what about me? You're gonna come after me? I had no Kid Rock jokes. I like these guys.

I was like, I had some jelly roll jokes. I, whatever. And so then I write a Cole Halsry joke. Because he said it. Yeah, he'd come after me. So I was like, I might as well, you want it. Okay, I'm giving me. So I was like, all right.

So I go up on stage. I was like, hey, Cole Houser's here. If you guys don't know that, he's old school Hollywood. And they're like, oh, we're in Nashville. I go, old school Hollywood means he's Jewish. and Colehauser was like, my grandfather created sound. And I was like, the fuck are we talking about here?

I go, what? And he goes, my grandfather created sound. I go, created sound like, we can hear because you're grandfather. And he's like, no, but his grandfather did create sound in movies, but he's drunk and he's trying to tell me. And then Kid Rock goes, and he goes, I'll fuck your mom.

And I was like, I go, yo, Kid Rock, my mom's, I go, no, I think I called him Bob. I go, yo, Bob. My mom's 77 was. skin tags. I got money too. I'll pay you to my mom and we'll have his grandfather do sound on it. And they came back stage to

fight me. I was like what the fucking happening? I was like, I thought you said I could make fun of you. I didn't even expect this. I'm a fan of yours. They got my face. He's like, yeah, not so funny now. And I was like, what the is happening? I was so freaked out. And then Crid Rock looked at Leanne and goes,

you know, I'm not going to fuck you. And I was like, what is happening? Rose suck You said something big Hold on. Is your wife from the same hometown as country Wayne? No, it can't be. I did an interview with Country Wayne.

Where's your wife from? Where's he from Carrollton or Bowdo? No, he's from Swainsborough. No. She's from Bowden, small town, 1,200 people just on the border of Alabama. Oh, yeah, okay. Like real small town.

Like on our wedding certificate, I swear, of God, Carrollton, Georgia. First question, name, second question, occupation. Third question, are you blood relatives? Damn! And I said, what do I put for number three? And the lady goes, well, is you?

I go, I don't think we is. She goes, well, then put that much ain't. I go, I'm definitely not writing ain't because I think that means we is. That's a true, I wrote that joke in the moment. Is there a joke that you won't tell on stage? Because you said you just talked, I mean, we were talking about He was like, I don't go deliberately try to tell jokes that's going to offend or upset someone. Or is there a joke that you won't tell?

Because, you know, when Pryor was coming up and when those guys, Louis C.K. and all those guys, Carla, they told jokes and it was jokes. Now you've got to be real conscience. You can't make, you know, somebody have a disability or, you know, you can't, there are certain jokes that you can't tell. I have one. No, I mean, I think, you know, there's jokes I haven't figured out. Okay, I'll say that I try I know I know language has gotten pretty loose again. Yes, and I don't mind that But I kind of enjoyed when we had to figure it out

Yeah, like I liked the struggle It's like listen if you have a disabled child Yeah, it's not my place to bring that up again if you're at my show and but and I and I I look I've I've said retard and I've said all the I've said all the horrible words you're supposed to say the fun thing for me is trying to figure a way around it and try to figure out how to get you to laugh

how to get you laugh when you didn't want to maybe I don't know if there's a joke I had a joke where the punch on was the M word and it's so good it's so good I can't tell it I had a buddy

I won't say his name I'm not no shade but like I told him him the joke and and but didn't as a comic he could hear it I didn't say the N-word to him but I said I knew he knew what it was right he goes hey just say just say instead of the N-word I'll use word pancakes and I was like what he goes everyone loves pancakes so just know guys in this joke when you hear the word pancakes it's supposed to be that and I and I did it and it worked so good and my my cousin Andrew came up to me after that and was like if you ever do that again I'm I'll stop working for you

I'll never talk to you again. And I was like, what? He goes, you just gave everyone a way to say the N-word. They can't just say pancakes now. And I was like, what the fuck? And this dude who'd seen it came up, and he's like, buddy, I was sitting next to a couple pancakes, and they were laughing hysterically. And I was like, oh, fuck me.

So like, so like, like, stuff like that, it's all a learning curve and the process, but, I mean, I wish I, the joke's so good and it's a true story that happened. And it's a black guy's saying. Right. And if I, I wish I could just, I wish I could find a way. It's such a great story. But just, no. Did you see the interview I did with Kat?

A lot of people got upset with me. Why? Because they said I should have stopped Kat. No. No, no, no, that's not your job. That's not your job. Nope, nope, nope, nope, no. Nope, nope, no.

Hey, listen, if a woman wants to put a finger in your ass, you let it happen. Okay? You don't stop her and question her. What, how she was raised? No, listen, when shit, when people want to party, you party. Cat Williams is a goddamn legend. One of the best days of my life was when Cat Williams knew who I was. Right.

I was one of them, I was, I love Cat Williams. I love Cat Williams. That interview was masterful, and all you were doing was just, you were just feeding them rope. I just saying like, hey, keep lightning on fire. I got fuses all over. If you, and if, and by the way, it was, it broke the internet. I mean, listen, there's, in this internet, we got Kim Kardashian's tape, right? I shouldn't have said that because I know we're trying to get her on the show.

Yeah, we're trying to get on the show. But that that broke the internet. Yeah, adult film. Adult film, shout out to Ray J. No one mentions him, right? And so, but. I've had him on the show. For real?

I did. I heard Ray J's a gangster. Like the man. Yeah, he's. That's someone I'd like to meet. But, like, that interview broke the internet. And that was like, I mean, it's got, what did it feel like for you? curious because I know that in real time you have I have no I had no idea it was doing that my um the

people that was sitting just kind of like the people here are sitting my producer CJ he comes to me and I come we wrapped the interview now I had still had like 20 minutes of questions but I realized that we I'm saying in my in real time I think I said we've gone two and a half hours so let's wrap it no no no no no no no you could have done three and a half days oh you oh we could have because we I had 20 more minutes of questions And then they he stood around and he asked us. We're done. I said, yeah, I said, we're good.

And then he stands around another hour, just him and his boys, you know, smoking. But CJ looks at me and he's shaking his head. So I'm thinking I said something wrong, a cat said something wrong. So I put my handle on mic, I was like, what's up? So I was like, you know, let me take my mic off. I said, what happened? I mean, did I say something? Did he say something?

He's like, it's going to break the internet. I said, you think so? Oh, are you being serious? At the time, Steve Hart. You sound like Nikki Glazer going, did I do good tonight? No, no, because I'm like, I was like, at the time,

Steve Harvey had the big, had the most views on Club Shaysha, he had 8 million views. I said, you think it to do Steve Harvey numbers? He's like, he's going to, he says, it's going to blow it out of the water. I see, really? I said, you think it's going to do 10 million views, CJ?

He says, it's going to do more than 10 million. I see, CJ. So 50, I said, we get, I say, if you say more than 10, I said, we do 15, we good. She's like, no, Shannon. He said, this is going to break the internet. He said, they're going to be talking about this for years.

Well, it's interesting. So, and I say this is like, you are a legend at what you do. But what you do in this space, we were doing, you know, 15, 17 years ago. And 15, 17 years ago, there was not the looks that it would get. Yeah. And what that Cat Williams interview was, in my opinion. is what old school Rogan was. When we do Rogan, we didn't know people were listening.

Right. And we would talk shit and we would ruin relationships. And we would, I mean, we would destroy friendships. Yeah. And we would, and it was, and that is what that was. That was two guys talking as if we, you didn't know anyone was listening. Right. And it was so beautiful.

And Kat's just, you know, Kat, no, but he's so. good at like tickling you. It's like he goes, you know, I read 15 books a day. And then you do the math. I did the math on that. Yeah. So, you know, I did, no, I did the math. It's impossible.

Yeah. Like, no, and I love Kat. You know what I did? Then I did the math on me. Do you know it takes me 32 days to read one book? Right. No, but reading 24 hours a day. Right.

It takes me 32 days to read a 600-page book with this small writing. I did the math on Kat. But that, it's like, it's like a Terrace Howard. Yeah. And he goes, one in one equals four. And you're like, what the fuck? Like, what was that? What did Terrace Howard say?

Yeah. But that is, that is, it's a little bit of a troll. Yes. But it's so masterful. And Cat, man, I would love to see the different roles he could have played in life because he could be a preacher. He could be anything. He could be anything.

He had crazy right. He came up to, I got to tell you. you this because this is like one of my biggest flexes in life we're at a party cats wearing a baklava what's it called the you know the so you know your obstinoles to you yeah yes yes i don't i don't really understand i'm not saying that word not with what's happened on the gaza strip and that watch guy trying to get his watchback the was the the i don't know it's like the young young black kids wear yeah it's schyshty shi yeah it's a bala calabba bala bala

Balaclava. Where the f***? Did you grow up? Africa. Okay. Oh, Africa. So, thank you, Bruce. So just as this is out. But it's a bedazzled one. Oh. And it's white, and it matches his white jumpsuit.

Wow. Now, everyone's going, I heard Kat Williams at this party. And I'm going, I think it's evil Kniebel over there with the face mask. And I'm, and, and, and, and now I used to party with Mike Gaps a little bit. But I didn't know if he still knew me. All these guys blew up, but I was still broke. You still struggling. And I, and I, and, uh, and then my gaps comes up and sees me.

He's like, Bertie Burt. And I was like, oh shit. I was like, Mike, you remember me? He's like, of course, man. It's great to see you. Gives me a big hug. And I see a cat. And cat walks up to me, goes, you're a goddamn rock star, Bert Chrysha.

I've been trying to take my shirt off for years. They won't even let me wear a vest. And I, my wife, you know, when, like, at a slam dunk contest, my wife got up and walked a circle like, I'm going to hear about this forever. Kat Williams knows who Bert is. Yeah, Cat Williams is the fucking I love that guy. You've been in this thing and you're great at it. 35,000 seed arenas, stadiums and arenas.

Is there anybody, you know, you hear a lot of guys like, I don't want to follow that guy. I don't want to follow that guy. I mean, people used to say all the time, man, you ain't trying to follow Bernie Mac. That ain't what you're trying to do. Obviously, you're never going to be able to follow Chappelle because Chappelle's going to end the show. so you're not following him. You're not following rock. No.

So is there people like, I show hope I'm in front of him? No, I'm going to tell you, I don't mean this cocky. I'll just be very real. You want to know what my evenings actually look like? Homework questions. Someone needs a permission slip signed.

The dog's begging for a walk. Someone's yelling for a snack. And somewhere in the middle of all that, I'm supposed to figure out dinner? That's why Hello Fresh has been. a lifesaver. Fresh ingredients show up at my door, locally sourced when possible, simple step-by-step recipes that actually make sense. And no matter how chaotic the rest of my night gets, dinner is the one thing I don't have to stress about. I'm just cooking a delicious meal my family

will actually eat and it takes around 30 minutes. And honestly, the real value is knowing that even on the messiest nights, dinner's handled. That's one less thing pulling at me. And that matters. Take some stress out of your evenings right now. Get 50% off your first box plus freesides for life. That's right. Free sides for life. Go to Hellofresh.cate and use code rescue 50. That's hellofresh.ca. Code rescue 50. HelloFresh. Canada's number one meal kit delivery service. I have a magic trick apart with mine. Okay.

When I take my shirt off, it's a little bit of... It's a reset, right? So once I take my shirt off, everyone forgets what would happen before me. And it's mine now. And I will say that. There's not one person alive that I would follow all of them. But there's one person dead who I would to this day and never in my life ever want to follow. And that's Ralphie Mae.

Ralphie Mae. Ralphie Mae was unfollowable. I mean, and I'm saying as good as I ever was, and no slight on everyone. Obviously, you know, everyone's really talented. Ralphie Mae, no one could follow him. If he didn't want you to follow him, you would not follow him. I'd watch him. I remember he did a bit.

I was like, we were doing a show together, and he's like, Bert Chrysha, you want to go first or second? I was like, I'll go blast. He goes, I don't know if you want that, Bert Kreischer. I got to put a hurt on you. I was like, Ralphie, I'm doing theaters now. And he's like, all right, all right, okay. And he does a pretty good set.

And then he looks at me, he goes, all right, I'm about to bring the next comic up. But real quick, I want to talk about big. Ladies, you don't want no big, you want a medium. You don't want no making your fucking look like a horse reaching for a sugar cube. And I watched him. And the beauty of Ralphie Mae is that he would take one premise and just, blank it out. He would take one premise. You don't want no big

making you can't ride up by you. You don't want. He would take the same premise and give you 20 punchlines. Yeah. And no one does that. No one does that the way Ralphie did that. It was a little bit of old school. And God damn it, you could not reset a room after Ralphie May. I remember one time he went off stage and I was supposed to follow him. Yeah. And he goes like, he gets off stage. He goes, how old it? They go want me back. I'm going back. And he walked back on stage. And the second he went, crazy. Ralphie Mae, you know, the thing that kills me about death is people forget about you. And, you know, no one wants to be forgotten about. People want to live. You die twice.

Yeah. You die when you die, and you die when the last person that remembers you dies. And Ralphie May is a travesty that people don't talk enough about how brilliant of a comic he was. He was unbelievable. Man, they got fat bastard out there. You don't think that's offensive to me? What about black bastard? I'm talking so black, you throw solid his face It looks like deep space. What about Mexican-ass bastard? But this little baby goat teeth,

how are you going to be a old man with baby gold teeth? Ralphie Mae was so destructive on stage that I never, to this day, I think about having to follow him, and it just was impossible. Anything you want to promote? Anything you want to talk about? I hope you guys like free bird.

I mean, the truth is like, you know, you make a product. It's like training camp, right? Yes. I keep saying this going back to, you know, I'm such a fan of yours. Yeah. I'm such a fan of yours. I love John Elway.

Yeah. That interview was great. And you in that documentary was, I mean, I watched the Elway thing. You got to understand. You don't understand. You don't understand. You define a moment in my life. This is what sports does and things art does for people.

But those Sundays in Florida, at like, like, it was probably, what, 6 p.m., 5 p.m., where it starts getting a little colder out at night. And you guys were out on the field, and it was two minutes. And how many times did you have those moments? It was always two minutes. And you go on the five-yard line, and you guys would drive. And then, you know, when, you know, Goose was a good friend of mine.

Okay, okay. Goose was the best. And when you guys did hard knocks together, like there's, but when I say about training camp is, is making a TV show is a lot like training camp. It's like you go and you hope you did the work. You did your best you could, but you know at times you're a little tired, you hope it all pays off. And with a TV show, you make a TV show and you hope everyone likes it.

And that's it. That's it. If you don't, I get it. And if you do, I'm happy. It's not like a special. Like every special I do, I go, I have the same feeling I have right now. I did lucky. And I was like, God, I hope people like it.

And then I go, well, I just toured it around the world. Right. Everyone loves it. Right. It's going to do great. And then it was top ten for like three weeks. And I went, of course. Right.

Everyone loved it in the room. Do you still get nervous to go on stage? No, not at all. You don't? No. You don't get to butterflies because I still got butterflies every time I go out there. I know we practice. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I get queasy.

No, not at all. I love it. It's the safest I feel. I don't like flying. So on Sundays my stomach would be a mess all day All day would be a mess Because I knew I had a 6 a.m. flight the next day Because I had kids I had to get home

Right The second I heard ladies and gentlemen, Burt Kreischer I would my stomach would disappear and I was so present And I had zero anxiety and I thought cleaner and faster than I ever did Even doing something like this like I get excited for this yes There's no nerves about it it it's like I'm such a fan I'm a fan on so many levels of yours. I'm a fan of like, I've quoted you the other day.

I don't buy an expensive watch to tell what time it is. I don't buy an expensive watch to tell you how expensive my time is. I said that to my kids. I told him I came up with it. Well, now you by plug to get Tony Hinchcliffe and Nikki Glazier on the show. You want Tony on? That's easy. That's light work.

You want Nikki on? We'll FaceTiming right now. Give me my phone. Nicky is Nicky is the best By the way I always answer

FaceTime Yeah you seem That's not what you're supposed to do FaceTime's supposed to be special No FaceTime is Yo are we friends You know

You know what The only time I'm face time By FaceTime I've never FaceTime my sister I've never FaceTime my brother I've never FaceTime my mom Only the kids

Are for real Yeah And I'm I don't have my readers on. Nikki Glazer, FaceTime. By the way, Nikki doesn't seem like a face... Oh, this is what my hair looked like the whole time.

I hope this is her number and not her email. Oh, yeah, this is her. Hold on. FaceTime. Nicky Glazer. Or was this send her... If FaceTime was going to work, you send him a... A video message? Video message? No, audio message.

Always works. I look good like this. This is what I look like if you suck my... Oh, I don't want Nicky to go, Ah, ah, ah. All right, she didn't answer. She must be getting an operation. No, Nikki, Nikki would be great for this.

Nikki is. She's awesome. She's an open book, and she is so quick. Yeah. And she is just, I mean, and Tony, I mean, other than the fact that I don't think he's ever watch a football game, I, no. He's probably looking at it. the cheerleaders a little bit, but

I've got to get my cashier up with it. Wait, what comics, have you had Tommy on? No, I've had, uh... What, what white guys have you had on? And don't count Gary Owen. Okay, Andrew Shultz. That's it? That's it.

Oh, we've had, uh... No, we've had a comedian. You had Elton John on? No, no, no, I had an Elton John on. We had, what, what's the, uh, the, uh, the Hispanic comedian we had on? Rob Barbosa. Bar-Babobu, yep, yep.

Ralph Barbosa, the hardest he's ever made my wife laugh. Yeah. The hardest I've ever seen my wife laugh. We were on tour. Ralph was on our bus. Yeah. He ate mushrooms. And he started explaining episodes,

scene by scene of family guy to my wife from memory. And my wife didn't know what, she thought these were moments in his life. And she was laughing hysterically, And then the black guy comes into the, and the Asian guy is like, you shop long time. And my wife's like, what the fuck? And then she got into the bed. She goes, who is this guy?

And I go, he's on mushroom. She goes, what? I thought she was telling me his life story. I go, that's an episode of Family Guy. Ralph Barbosa is brilliant. I love him. Yeah. So what's your night look like tonight?

What's the rest of your day look like? You seem like a work 24-hour ago. I am. Well, I'm going to go back home. We got a turn and burn today. We were you flying home? Yeah. You work out this morning?

No. No? No, because we got to, I had to be at the airport at like 8 o'clock, so I got up. And so I won't work out today, but I'll work out tomorrow. We're off tomorrow, so easy. But then we got to work Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Monday, we fly Sunday, worked Sunday, work Monday. Does it give you calmness working like that?

It does. It does. You know, like Kevin used to talk about how hard he is working, and I think it's the demons inside. Yes. As you go, it shuts down the conversation. Is if I have a day off, I'm sitting there going like, my wife was gone for two days. Yeah. And I was home by myself. That's when I got in those Oculus goggles. Yeah. And all of a sudden, I'm in like a seven-sum. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, like, what am I doing? And then, and then you go to a beach and you're like, and I sat there. I sat quiet for two days. She came home today. And I was like touching her and

talking to her and going like, I need people. Yeah. I work, I think workholism is akin to like just shut down the conversation. Yeah. I think that's what that's why I'm. But I think the thing is also, it's for kind of you, like when you're, well, I didn't grow up like you, I grew up in a little different situation. It's like not having and not having again. So the only way I can make sure I don't end up back in that situation. Let me ask you a question.

Someone asked me the other day. I don't know how much money you have, but I know much money you probably have and how much money you've had. So your first deal, you sign on the Broncos. What was your first signing? deal. I made $63,000, $72,000, I got $22,000 signing bonus. I was a separate around draft pick. Okay. What was your first big deal at the Broncos? 90, the end of 93, beginning of 94. I got, I made, I got 700,000 base. I got a 400,000 I got a 400,000 outside bonus. So what's the difference between that, that's security? Yeah.

And then what you have today? Like, is there a, do you, do you, do you, do you, quantify that say a million dollars yes versus say I don't know I'm saying you probably have like 40 million dollars 60 million dollars if you know what it deals now you know that it's number is that back then I value things a lot more because I had to work a lot harder for it like a watch I had to wait two three four years to get it now I can just go buy any watch I won't so it doesn't have the same meaning so wait is a watch better then or now then so then if If it's better then, what are we doing?

For me, it's for the kids and the grandkids. Okay. So is there a price point where you cover your nut? You take care of kids. You take care of everything. And then you just size down and you go, I want things to mean more. I want things to, I want to feel, I want to appreciate a stake. You know, the guy asked me today, he said, what was the most money you ever made or something?

I don't know. It was a business interview? And I told him. And he said, did it, was it, I got, someone told me I made like $30 million. I was in a hot tub in my house. And like, hey, congratulations. You're like the second highest running comic in the country. And I was like, cool.

It's like, what? For real? I was like, yeah, you made $30 million last year. I go, I did? And I didn't feel it. Right. I didn't feel it. And I tell you right now, I couldn't register it.

Like, it didn't go, it didn't feel like a battery when you plug your phone in. Right. Blu, blu, bloop. Like, and I was like, okay, so then what's the, Point. And I, and I, by the way, the money's not real. I don't, I don't, it's just a number on a computer. I don't see it.

It's not like Floyd Mayweather who's got it in bags. So then, and, and, and, and I, I bought two rabbi steaks yesterday because I like both of them. But he's like, I don't know which one I want to eat. Right. One's going to go bad. Yeah. And what's the point? Yeah.

But I don't know what I would do because I worked so hard. It's, the way I was raised is. back we had to work because that was the only way for us to get anything and now I feel so worthless I feel useless I feel so unimportant if I don't work I've got to okay okay by the way and I apologize I'm doing this to you no but like is it how important is relevancy to you versus money like if people stop saying um man club shayshay is incredible how important is relevancy? That's an important thing with comedy

is when I started getting successful, I watched people that I was passing start hating me. Yes. And it bothered me. It bothered me. It bothers me because I don't know what I did because I understood when I played football

that the opposing team, the Steelers, or the Vikings, or this team, the Kansas City or the Raiders, I understood their fans hating me. They got a reason to. But I didn't understand. And it took me a while. I'm just not coming to the realization that your success piss some people off.

Yeah. And then all of a sudden you go, I was rooting for you the whole time. Yeah. And then now you're not rooting for me. My takeaway from that is like I have a lot of guys and I named a bunch of them in this who I worked with. Yeah. Who at one point I was the dog. Right.

And now they're the dogs. Right. Like Shane Gillis is the man. He is. He is the man. He is. Now, what kind of a. Would I be?

if I couldn't enjoy his success. If I had to look at it and sit on my couch and go, I liked him when he was poor. Why wouldn't I like him when he's rich? And that's the thing that kills me. People doesn't enjoy it because I don't look at it. Like, if someone's successful, I'm happy for their success.

I'm not envious of their success. I'm like, okay, maybe I need to work harder, but I'm like, oh, he don't deserve that, or he didn't earn that. Why does he get to get that? And I don't. I'm not I'm not I'm not a loser's mentality when I when I saw I saw beautiful dogs Shane special I get only Shane sees a friend of mine Yeah, but I saw beautiful dogs and I never seen it in front of the stage because I was always back backstage when I did it yeah

Yeah, I never saw any of his any of his facial any of that yeah I watched it on TV I was on the treadmill and I I doubled over I was like this is brilliant yeah now do I look at that and go? Do I got to work harder? Of course, but do I look at that and go? Oh him? No. Yeah. What kind of loser looks at that? And I think that's the hardest part about getting successful is to watch the people that just start hating you because you've succeeded. It sucks.

It sucks. It's really hard. People that you were cool with, and all of a sudden they say and snide things, and they're kind of like rooting and hoping for your downfall. But you have it intimate. I only had it one time. You have it intimately as you come in, seventh round draft pick,

you come in as a backup, and then you take that guy's job, and then you're sitting in the locker room. And he's right across. And you're naked in a shower and he's seeing you. Right. What's that like? But you know, the thing is, is that the reason why I was able to do so well in the locker

room because I started out as a guy that wasn't the guy. You just explained my career. Yes. The reason I've done so well is because at 43 years old, I got fired from Travel Channel and I was in the hallway at the comedy store and I wasn't the guy. And people would talk to me and do this. And I don't know if you ever had this happen to you. They talked to you and then go.

this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah give me give me one second I'm gonna go talk to someone and I'd walk and I turn around and Sebastian Manascoco was behind me and they were like oh he just left me to talk to Sebastian and and I and that's that survivors remorse we're talking about is I was that guy so then when I went back to those clubs and I was like I'm not gonna do that to people because that happened to me yes when you're an underdog and I've always thought the underdog is a better path to have the one that no one sees it coming the Cinderella story come from out of nowhere that's the story I want to be I don't want to be the

The Tom Brady's a good story. Yes. The late, yeah, he's a sixth round draft pick, 192nd. Nobody gave him an opportunity, and he came all the way up. I mean, I should be, I should be what a lot of people inspired.

I grew up in a thousand square foot Cinderbach home with no indoor plumbing, no running water, went to Savannah State, worked with two Win Dixie, pigly, wiggly bags with all my belonging and made it from an HBCU all the way to the Hall of Fame.

Okay, now I get on television. I don't have a media degree. I'm not classically. trained in television and to work my way up. Shannon, Shannon, no one in media in 1995 would have ever hired you to speak on camera. Right. That's the truth. Yes.

Everything you do does not make sense. But for whatever reason, man, I love it. And that's the thing. That perseverance is like, is the underdog has to believe in itself. Yes. And I tried a lot. I went to a speech pathologist and... Oh, don't ever.

Once I saw Charles Barkley with a heavy southern colloquial dialect. Yes. And he can be unapologetically, unapologetically, Charles Barkley. I said, why am I trying to be like Ed Bradley? Because I had my producer at CBS send me every interview Ed Bradley had ever done. I watched Greg Gumble. I watched these affluent black men. And I felt that's how I was supposed to be.

But that's not what they hired me to be. No. And then once I embraced who I was, dude, you're a legend. You're a legend. And listen, Barbara Walters? Yes. I have a speech impediment.

I don't know if you can catch it, but it happens all the time. You can see it. I tried to get rid of it. I can't get rid of it. It's the way I talk. Dude, I think, I mean, I think it's endearing. I think you were a legend.

It has been an honor and a privilege to sit here and drink. A bottle of Cavalciate with you. Shea Bellaporteier. I'm going to send you home with a bottle. Please do. Appreciate you. Burke Kreisher, ladies gentlemen.