Club Shay Shay - Humble Baddies - Part 2: Dangerous Therapy Language + Alexis' Secret Admirer

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

Sharelle, Alexis & Ashley discuss the new trend of therapy language in relationships and the misuse of therapy language to manipulate. Later, they read a special Humble Baddies Mailbag from Alexis' secret admirer.01:40 - Therapy-Talking Narcissists12:00 - Friendship Expiration Dates22:52 - Humble Baddies Mailbag(Timestamps may vary based on advertisements.) #ClubSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Show me how good it can get today, God, and show the rest of the world what we already know. It can't get no better than being Hella Black, Hella Queer, and Hella Christian. My name is Joseph Rees. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully Black, fully Queer, fully human, fully divine podcast from iHeart Media to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, the host of the number one health and wellness podcast in the world

on purpose. On on purpose, I sit down with some of the most fascinating minds, from world-class athletes to wellness experts and thought leaders to uncover their secrets to living a happier, more meaningful life. If you're looking for inspiration, tools for growth and real conversations that challenge you to think differently, listen to On Purpose on the iHeartRadio app, Amazon Music, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I know a lot of cops, they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a company dedicated to a future where

the answer will always be no. This is Absolute Season 1, Taser Inc. I get right back there and it's bad. Listen to Absolute Season 1, Taser Inc. on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why is a soap opera western like Yellowstone so wildly successful? The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the Meat Eater Podcast Network. So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today.

Listen to The American West with Dan Flores on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I get in my way, never out of my lane. Feel like you're the one and I'm on one. So what is gonna be? Baby squad. All right, now it's time to get into it. Ashley, you wanna lead it? The heal men are hidden red flags?

Heals men or hidden red flags, the rise of the therapy talking narcissist. Ew. Ultimately, every man knows his attachment style, sets boundaries, and uses words like emotional labor and triggered. On the surface, it sounds like growth, but look a little deeper, and some of them are using healing language as manipulation tools. I'm not toxic, I'm just self-aware, has become the new gaslight anthem.

It's no longer the aggressive red flag we have to watch out for. It's a softly spoken, TED Talk performing men with no accountability, but perfect vocabulary. Hmm. I can't stand them. They all over Instagram too. So what's the difference between a man who's actually healing and one who's just rehearsing?

I think it's the ones that are really showing it in real life. The ones that are really saying and being real life, the ones that are really saying and being accountable. Like look, this didn't work for me before, but this is working for me now and really showing it. You know what I mean? Like you still have that energy of like, you know, heaviness or resentment and it's still coming out in your dialogue.

We can see that. Like we can see that you're not in a hill space. If you're speaking on manifesting, if you're speaking on therapy, if you're speaking on change behavior, if you're speaking on right journaling, if you're speaking on just all these improvements, that sits better with us, you know what I mean?

I feel like that gives us a sense of peace and you are what you attract, You reflect what you attract as well. So, like, I just look at it like this. If you are in a space and you still are being ultra-masculine and very much, like, entitled and I run this way, then you're gonna reflect and really absorb that energy. And it's a turnoff. And it's only very, it's very much temporary

until the lady or whoever your partner is is gonna fill you out and realize that this ain't worth it. Right. You know, because you don't know what they're dealing with too. You don't know what their growth is and their boundaries. Because, you know, then it's just gonna be a lot of people that are, you know, men in general, that are just gonna be left lonely and just gonna always be constantly going through a cycle of women

and constantly being used and using others. That's not a hilled space. Yes, the pattern, you know? The rehearsal, they're gonna talk a good game. They're gonna talk the talk. They're gonna tell you what you want to hear, but their actions are not gonna change. They're gonna continue. They're gonna go from relationship to relationship. They're gonna you what you want to hear, but their actions are not gonna change. They're gonna continue, they gonna go from relationship to relationship. They gonna gaslight you.

They're gonna, they're gonna love bomb you. They gonna say whatever, give you the world the first six, three to six months. Oh, you know, oh, he the man. And them actions don't, baby, that mask don't come off. Yeah. Then you gonna be in the same cycle as Keisha, Shawanda, and Tamika. Right.

But the person that is healed, they're going to take full accountability and you're going to see changes within them. Yeah. And it shows. It shows in their patterns, their behaviors, and really in service, acts of service, acts of kindness, all these things, you'll see the difference. And that's what you want. You ultimately want to attract,

especially what you prayed your way out of, you want to attract that better. You want to attract bountiful, you want to attract abundance, you know? But it just sucks. It just sucks because, you know, and this goes for me and with women, you get too grown. Like at some point you should not just talk the talk.

You should not want to continue to repeat the same cycle. Like when is it enough? I feel like men that pray for women in this way, though, I feel like they use like the terminology and they use like they use the terminology and they use, they're just good talkers. They know what to say. And women fall for it. They really fall for this talk.

And I feel like as long as women fall for it, they're gonna keep doing it. You know what I mean? Even just looking on Instagram and the influx of men in podcasts, you know, and them talking about women and their issues and stuff. It's like they have so much to say and they say it like they have it all figured out. And a lot of them have a lot of big like female following because

it sounds good to them. I don't know, it resonates with them. It's like they feel seen or something, but I feel like they're preying on those women and women are falling for it. And I'm just like, what, y'all, how are y'all falling for this? How are y'all falling for this? Don't y'all see the repeated cycle of this person?

Yeah. Outside of the clock, yes? person outside of the podcast. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. So have you ever been emotionally finessed by a conscious man? No. No?

I have. Well, I'm sure we both have. Ashley only fell believes that. We have, Sherelle. Yeah, is that a same person or something? No. No, I've been definitely finessed by a conscious, you know, man. Like he was woke when he really was.

Yeah, and then once I leaned into my own understanding and my power, you know what I mean? It wasn't tainted by the blindness of whatever. I was like, yeah, you know what? Mm-mm, fraud alert, fraud alert. But look at me. You not acting the same. But look at me, the attitude.

Believing he was conscious and you weren't being. You know, just change behavior, like thinking that, you know, he's changed or thinking that he is this woke person and knowledgeable. And then once I really sat and watched and listened, your actions were not aligning with what you're what you were presenting. You know, you'll be very holy one day and then you're very deceitful the next. Like, that doesn't add up to me. And when you are, you know, conscious and when you're a woke and when you are aligned,

you know what I mean? Like, it's about, you know, your fellow people. It's about how you treat others. It's how you walk like you talk it. Like, it has to all align. And then when you are also spiritually connected and when you are and know who you are, then you're gonna start to filter out all the bullshit. You know what I mean? We don't have time for that.

And yeah, like, it becomes deceitful. It becomes like a cloak. And it works for some people, the ones who are naive and the unwoke, but it won't work for the ones that are conscious. No. Not for me. So how do we protect ourselves from spiritual manipulation in relationship? For me, my biggest thing was, you know, after I got out of my last relationship, I did self-reflecting on my own self. And, you know, I prayed, I fast, and I asked God to open up my ears,

my eyes, my heart, and my mind, and protect me from what's not meant for me. Change what I attract. Like, I want something, I want something different. I'm getting older. Break whatever cycle it is that or break whatever cycle it is that I have within me and break it and change it. I want to attract something that is loving, that is pure, that wants me for me. So those were things that I asked for. I asked for self-reflection. I didn't blame it on anyone. I forgave and I moved on and I did self-reflection within myself. And asked God to give me a clear thought process when I started dating again.

Yeah. I love that. For me, it was like, I agree with you, Sherelle, it was very similar to me. It was really just like, let me take the time for myself. Like now, because I'm a nurturing and giving person, especially when I'm in a relationship, I commit to them wholly. And I almost forget who I am sometimes. I can get caught up in like catering and nurturing

and feeding and just, you know, engulfing my energy into this person. And I have realized now, like you, Sherelle, like I'm praying for that person that sees me and that is there to like really match my energy. And I'm saying match, meaning like understand who I am and I understand who they are. And we both can be at peace separately, but at peace together.

We both have this joy, we both have these goals separately and together. I feel like it's just extremely important for us to be in that space. I don't want anyone to change me. I don't want to change anybody. I just really just want to be in a space of understanding who they are. And so I just think that we, when you get to a certain space, like, you know, of heartbreak and heart, like, you know, abundance, you can start to really understand exactly

what you want to attract. And it does come to a space when you do have to go through unfortunately heartbreak to understand what, you know, your, what you expect and what you want. Because you also now know what you don't want. You know, who wants to go through that over and over again? And the thing about it is, you have to self-reflect because you can continue to repeat the same cycle with the same type of men over and over. And, you know, until you're able to have self-reflection

and want change, nothing's going to happen until you want change within yourself. So thank God we can see. We can see clear now. I can see clearly now. Praise God. Praise God. Let me do it.

All right, y'all want to move on? Clearly now. Praise God, praise God. Let me do it. Mm-hmm. Alright, y'all wanna move on? Segment three. Yes. Which is friendship and expiration dates. Loyalty, guilt, and letting go. Outgoing friends is one of the most silent heartbreaks women face. You love them, but you no longer relate. You've evolved, but they are still gossiping,

draining, or low-key competing. And because we fear being labeled fake, we say friendships that feel more like emotional obligations. But here's the thing, loyalty without alignment turns into resentment. And not everyone from your past deserves access to your present. So ladies, I'm going to ask this.

Have you ever stayed friends with someone because you didn't know how to leave? Yeah. I'm not the type of person though that like cuts people off. Like I'm not that girl. Like I'm not like a, I just don't move like that. You know what I mean? But I do think I've stayed friends with people that, you know, our friendship should have ended a long time ago. But I kind of let things just play out on their own.

You know what I mean? I feel like the way I move is once, you know, I realized that their place in my life is no longer, you know, appropriate. I just kind of, you know, I'm moving that way. Like I'm still, you know, I'm still me, but I feel like they can kind of catch a hint. Like this is not the same. I'm not like I set boundaries, you know. And I think they kind of just feel like it's no longer a friendship anymore.

You know what I mean? But I know that people do do the whole cutoff thing. But I just, I just could never do that because I don't like it. Like somebody cut me off before and I don't like, I don't like how that feels. So I just can't do that for nobody else. Show me how good it can get today, God, and show the rest of the world what we already know. It can't get no better than being hella black,

hella queer, and hella Christian. My name is Joseph Rees. I am the creator and host of hella black, hella queer, Hella Christian. A fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast that explores society, culture, and the intersections of faith and identity. Listen to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian to hear conversations about what it means to sound the way you look.

I think what I've had to make peace with is that every iteration of my voice is given to me by God and I love it. Books that validated our identity. The library now for me is a safe space as someone who is writing books that they're trying to take off of shelves. And how we as black queer folks relate to our Christianity. Listen to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the Meat Eater Podcast Network, hosted by me, writer and historian Dan Flores, and brought to you by Velvet Buck. This podcast looks at a West available nowhere else. Each episode, I'll be diving into some of the lesser known histories of the West. I'll then be joined in conversation by guests such as Western historian, Dr. Randall Williams, and bestselling author and meat eater founder,

Stephen Rinella. I'll correct my kids now and then where they'll say when cave people were here. And I'll'll say it seems like the Ice Age people that were here didn't have a real affinity for caves. Stephen Rinella So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today. Listen to The American West with Dan Flores

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Over the past six years of making my true crime podcast, Hell and Gone, I've learned one thing. No town is too small for murder. I'm Katherine Townsend. I've received hundreds of messages

from people across the country begging for help with unsolved murders. I was calling about the murder of my husband. It's a cold case. I've never found her, and it haunts me to this day. The murderer is still out there. Every week on Hell and Gone Murder Line, I dig into a new case, bringing the skills I've learned as a journalist and private investigator to ask the questions no one else is asking. Police really didn't care to even try. private investigator to ask the questions no one else is asking. If you have a case you'd like me to look into,

call the Hell and Gone Murder Line at 678-744-6145. Listen to Hell and Gone Murder Line on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The summer of 1993 was one of the best of my life. I'm journalist Jeff Perlman, and this is Rick Jervis. We were interns at the Nashville Tennessean, but the most unforgettable part? Our roommate, Reggie Payne, from Oakley, sports editor and aspiring rapper. And his stage name? Sexy Sweat. In 2020, I had a simple idea. Let's find Reggie.

We searched everywhere, but Reggie was gone. In February, 2020, Reggie was having a diabetic episode. His mom called 911. Police cuffed him face down. He slipped into a coma and died. I'm like thanking you, but then I see my son's not moving. No headlines, no outrage, just silence. So we started digging and uncovered city officials bent on protecting their own. Listen to Finding Sexy Sweat on the iHeart Radio app,

Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm the same way Ashley. And I treat it like this. I was always taught like, I don't, I talk to my friends who are so quick to cut a female friend office as long as they haven't crossed the boundary where they're sleeping with your man or or doing something that's just below the belt. I've witnessed some females cut friends off over the pettiest things and it's like girl

this man I did this this this this and this, you and you still like, why is it easy to cut a female friend off, but, but you won't cut that person off. So that's how I look at it. And I'm not the type I let. I let it get to a point where it's okay. If this person keep on crossing these boundaries and you know, we talk on it, we speak on it, if you have not changed, then okay, it's best that we just go our separate ways. I've outgrown you. So, you know, we just move apart.

But to a point where just being friends and didn't know how to leave, I know how to exit if it gets to a point where it becomes draining and toxic and exhausted. I do at least give them a chance, you know, to change. Yeah, yeah. I don't, I don't cut anybody off immediately either. I'm a lover and I understand that people go through, you know, seasons and things like that. But I also know that not everybody's supposed to go with you into different seasons of your life as well, you know,

and I so respectfully, I know that if you do something very disrespectful to me, and there's no remorse, and it's just the same patterns and the same behavior, this is who you are. And it's now up to me if I want to be dealing with this type of person. And nine times out of 10, I'm not. Just because it's not conducive to my growth and to where I'm headed. So I just don't want to take those people with me. Now if I see you outside, whatever, it might be a hi, what's up, whatever, but you're not getting into my space.

You're not getting into my space. You're not getting into my personal aura. You're not going to feel none of this anymore because you lost that privilege. But you have to do something very disrespectful that doesn't align with my values for me to cut you off. Other than that, I'm going to still be like, what's up? Because we run in a lot of different circles. And so they can be in the same vicinity. They can still be invited. And it's like, it's just gonna be like, whatever, I'm not gonna cut up. I'm not gonna cause a scene.

But I know that I'm not gonna also give you my energy either. Yeah. You know what I mean? People can be a part of your life for a season, and I can respectfully let you go and be great somewhere else. Yeah, my mama would say,

I ain't know you before. I ain't got the baby down. You know, the little kids that act up you in the in the in the choir singing and you see your child act up and you give them that look like I'm a big fool. That's what I'm doing. The dinner. Get out. What's he doing? He just here in a in Attention see my folks. I can go on instagram. I see you my day page on boy get out

Oh, he wants you to parent right now So extra bring them over so you can play with the girl i'm about to bring him over for the rest of the summer. I'm about to bring him over for the rest of the summer. Summer camp at the Wheeler's. Summer camp at the Wheeler's. Okay. Go play with Uncle Phil, boy. Go to y'all's house. Go to y'all auntie's house.

I'll see. Y'all, what are some of the signs that friendship has expired, even if there's no drama? I feel like if nobody's checking on each other, y'all don't communicate. Communication is off. It feels weird when you do talk. Yeah, I feel like it's all about the vibe.

So, it's like, because some friends, if it's a good friend, y'all can go months without talking. And then once y'all get on the phone or y'all see each other, it's like, y'all like skip the beat. You And then once y'all get on the phone or y'all see each other, it's like, it ain't y'all like skip the beat. You know, right. If you haven't talked to somebody and it's a little weird, the vibe is off, you know, then yeah, it's probably done.

It doesn't always have to be, you know, drama. It's just the vibe is different now. Well, your thoughts? No, that's the same. I feel like with most of the time, like if y'all just completely stop checking on each other, stop talking, stop communicating, y'all see each other in public and y'all just, there's nothing there. It's time to move on. The friendship is just,

it is what it is. We move on. Leaves do grow and leaves do fall. I'm not sure. And then they get removed. Yeah. Is it better to ghost, fade, or have a grown woman sit down? Before y'all part ways.

Have a grown woman sit down. I'all part ways? Have a grown woman sit down. I don't ever, like Ashley said before, I don't ever want to be in a situation where I'm friends with someone and then we just, you stop communicating with me and I don't know why. Because then there could be no closure. There could be something that I'm doing wrong and you never told me.

And it could be something just so simple. It's so simple, yeah. That's bothering me that I'm doing wrong and you never told me. And it can be something just so simple. Yeah. That's bothering me that I'm doing something that's bothering you. But if you communicate like a grown woman, we can sit down and talk about it. And I can be like, oh girl, I'm sorry I'm not touching this. I just be calling you a bitch.

I'm sorry. I'm being a bitch. Right. Exactly, like you may not, I feel like you should have that conversation. I don't like when people just cut people off and there's no closure, no communication, nothing. It's just like, come on, we're too grown for this.

Yeah, ghosting is very much immature. But you know why a lot of people ghost is? Because they don't know how to communicate. And then it's like, they're thinking one thing, and then they're like, oh, well, baby and petty, they're not talking to me no more. So then it's like a bunch of miscommunication on both sides now because you was in your feelings about something and you never communicated in the first place.

So it's all about communication. And I feel like, you know, also we have to be able to understand like, sometimes friends need space and you can't make it personal and people go through me. And also if you need space, if you're the friend that needs space, you can't be upset when that friend gives you space. And you know what I mean? Like it's right, everybody has to put on their big girl panties. You know what I mean? Everybody has to be accountable for their part in the friendship and stop thinking stuff personal.

Stop being petty. You know, we're grownups and it's fine. If we're going to be friends, let's be friends. If we're not, we're not. Right. Right. That's true. All right.

Now we got to get into our humble baddest man. Oh I wanna read this one. Right Then read it Read it Alexis secret at my home. Oh That's the title Their humble bad Much respect to all three of y'all. I listen every week, not just for laughs and the myths, but because it's rare to hear black

women speak so freely, so powerfully, and still keep it soft and soulful. That's healing in itself. But if I'm being real, this message is for Alexis. I've been with strong women before, built with them, learned from them, and sometimes broke with them too. I'm at a point in my life where I don't chase chaos. I choose peace, growth, and a woman who knows who she is, even when the world tries to tell her otherwise. Alexis, that's how you come off to me.

With grace, but you don't bite your tongue. Bleh. The voice is crazy. You hold your own, but you don't hold back. And that laugh, it stayed in by hand longer than I expected. I ain't writing this mail for clout. I'm writing it because in a world full of noise, you stand out. Ooh.

You are the type of woman a strong man sees, not just looks at. Oof. So maybe one day you'll read this and smile, or maybe you'll roll your eyes and keep it moving. Either way, I just want you to know, a real one's watching, and he's press Anthony from New York. Okay, Anthony. That's a boy. Goodbye, Anthony.

Oh, Anthony. Anthony got some lyrics, Anthony got some bars. Anthony who? What's your phone number? We need to call Anthony. Anthony, sir, if you're watching, if you watch this clip, please inbox us. We would love for you and Alexis to meet up so y'all can go on a date. Thank you.

A nice gentleman. He pays attention. Well, thank you. I'm flattered. In his head, stay in his head alone. Anthony,, Anthony. I am flattered. He had to stay long in his head, stay in his head long. Anthony, I'm flattered. Thank you so much for watching the Humble Baddies and really listening. You know, I do take pride in being graceful.

I really do. But it's, I'm authentic. It is what you see is what you get. And I do speak my mind. This is a lot of growth. This is a lot of therapy. This is a lot of just really sitting in my essence of who I am.

So I love to be seen. So thank you so much for seeing me. And I'm grateful that my spirit translates over Wi-Fi, I should say, and streaming devices. So I appreciate that. Um, so yeah, Anthony, what's up? How you doing? Um, but thank you so much.

I am, again, I'm flattered. I'm like rushing. Yes, you are. Don't cheat. Don't cheat. You're a... You know, it's always amazing to get a compliment. So shout out to Anthony for real. You know, he sound like a real New Yorker. You know what I'm saying? That they really are just very like...

Yeah, just like very much like, look, this is, I see what I like, I like what I see, what's up? And just giving that admiration because, you know, it's hard, you know what I mean? Being a single woman and... And in general, you want to be seen, any woman in general single woman and in general, you want to be seeing any woman in general, any man in general wants to be seen, wants to be heard. And so thank you for really seeing me. So I appreciate it. And thanks, Sherelle, for that voice, you know, of a commentary and, you know, giving

us that dialogue in such a very, you know, poetic and romantic way. I appreciate that. Anthony wouldn't have wanted me to read it any other way. You see, quote that. I'm talking about Anthony sliding them DMs. Yeah, Anthony go ahead and slide them DMs. Because that's where he can find me. Make sure you check your spam and the other inboxes. Okay.

Well, thank you so much, Anthony, for the Humble Daddy's Mail, since I'm the topic of conversation, ladies. But no, that was a good episode. How fun is this? Can we change the subject now? Anthony got it. Licks over there blushing. All right, Anthony, you can find Licks. I'm sure y'all already know where he can find you, but go ahead and remind him. You can find me at Alexis underscore Stoudemire on Instagram or on Humblebatties. You know, through the Humblebatties mail now. I guess that's what we doing.

Make sure you send a nice picture when you reach out to Anthony. And where can they find you all ladies? You can find me at SherelleRosado underscore Sherelle Rosado on Twitter and on X, I'm sorry, and Snapchat Sherelle.Rosado. I'm Ash3Nicole on Instagram and Ash3 underscore Nicole on Snap and everything else. Thank you all so much for tuning in to another episode of the Humble Baddies. Please write us again at contact at HumbleBaddies.com and we'll see you guys next week. And make sure y'all subscribe to Humble Baddies podcast. Show me how good it can get today God and show the rest of the world what we already

know. It can't get no better than being hella black, hella queer, and hella Christian. My name is Joseph Rees. I am the creator and host of Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian, a fully black, fully queer, fully human, fully divine podcast from iHeart Media to Hella Black, Hella Queer, Hella Christian on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, the host of the number one health and wellness podcast in the world on purpose.

On on purpose, I sit down with some of the most fascinating minds from world-class athletes to wellness experts and thought leaders to uncover their secrets to living a happier, more meaningful life. If you're looking for inspiration, tools for growth and real conversations that challenge you to think differently, listen to On Purpose on the iHeartRadio app, Amazon Music or wherever you listen to podcasts. I know a lot of cops, they get asked all the time, have you ever had to shoot your gun? Sometimes the answer is yes. But there's a

company dedicated to a future where the answer will always be no. This is Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated. I get right back there and it's bad. Listen to Absolute Season 1, Taser Incorporated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why is a soap opera western like Yellowstone so wildly successful? The American West with Dan Flores is the latest show from the Meat Eater podcast network.

So join me starting Tuesday, May 6th, where we'll delve into stories of the West and come to understand how it helps inform the ways in which we experience the region today. Listen to The American West with Dan Flores on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.