Club Shay Shay - Rappers Recycling Women, Dating “Ghetto Girls,” & Looking For Love | The Truth After Dark

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Truth After Dark family, you know we love you right? Well if you thought we were playing around, today’s episode will prove it. In this episode, we’ll be answering nothing but your questions & discussing topics suggested directly from you! Topics like why pro-athletes recycle the same women, gender wars, & so much more! Put the kids to sleep, light up a candle and get ready for The Truth After Dark! #ClubSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Price Picks, baby, okay? And it feels so good to be right. I love being right. Hello, beautiful people. Welcome to another episode of The Truth After Dark. I'm your host, Azar Faraday. And I'm the truth, Paul A. Pierce. Okay.

The A stands for Anthony. You're feeling good tonight. You got the feet out. You got the ring on, honey. Yeah, I'm just like that. Feeling relaxed. It's after dark. You're relaxed.

You're after dark. I love it. I love it. Okay. You have the ring on. I've never seen that. Yeah, I never brought this out. Okay.

You're feeling fancy. A ring I got, they gave it to me at an exhibition game in China. Okay. It's not the championship ring, but it looks nice, so I'll work. It is nice. It's very nice. So today we have a very special episode because we are going to actually be talking about all of our fan topics and questions that they have submitted.

So I'm super excited because everything you'll hear today is from a fan. So if you submitted a question, then listen for it on this episode because we might be answering your question tonight. So we'll get right, we'll get started. So one of the first questions that someone asked was why rappers, athletes, and celebrities recycle the same women. And I do see that a lot. I notice like the same women are the same women that be getting dated all the time. And it's like, I wonder why. I'll tell you this. I think they recycle the same women because they like in the same circle. Because like think about this, most

rappers, athletes and celebs try to date like the most beautiful women. Right. Who are always in the same spots that they are in. Right. You know what I'm saying? And then like you see an athlete or celebrity or a rapper, he walks into the club. She's going to be pushing this in her position in herself

to be right there. Oh, okay. He'd be right there and her girls. And then if you notice that the beautiful girls, they always become friends with other beautiful girls. So they call themselves, let me give me a crew. So then if they got a crew,

like two or three girls, let's say a celebrity walking to the club, he see them, like, hey, y'all come with me, come sit in my section. They always positioning in their selves, and then they be like, you know, what's up, what's up? And then, you know, it's like every city is like that.

And then most of the time, these girls that be with the other beautiful girls, they're not, they're friends. Like, but they really become friends with them just for that reason. Yeah. They'd be like, I'm going to get me some crew. I'm going to get me a bad crew so, you know, we can get at these tables, girl.

We're going to go to L.A., Vegas, New York, and I'm going to snatch me at one of these ballers because we're going to get in and, you know, and it's over there, it's never ending. They're in every city. And then sometimes, you know, these cats don't even know this is what's his name X or this is that. But then when they find out, it's like, I ain't tripping. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's like how Kanye or like whoever, like rappers always talk about how, like, they want a woman that's not all touched or being with all these men.

But I feel like, well, Kanye now is with somebody who probably nobody touched. But I still feel like you men get with these same women that position themselves to meet them because they're rich and famous. And then they're upset and they're complaining about women. And it's like, well, you're not meeting a woman that cares about you. They're literally positioning themselves to meet you,

hanging out with women to meet you, going to the club to meet you. Not because of your person. not because they like who you are as a person. No, they're going to catch the first person, yeah, that they get. And then they be on the internet and all these people complaining and she did this and she was lying, she did, she was, blah, and it's like, why do you think that? You're not meeting women of quality and substance, not to say none of those women are because some might be, but a lot of them just wants you for X, Y, and Z, and to give a name

for themselves too. That's why they be blasting men and doing this because you want a name for yourself and you want to create that, that name. So I just say, you know, men, they have to try to branch out and figure some other shit out because the same women recycling that are ran through is getting played. No, but the thing is, they look at this generation, and even in past generations, they look at it as a flex. They look at it like, oh, this is what's the name X? Man, she's mine now.

So say a rapper got your ex, she's going to rap about it. To that athlete, he's going to post it, oh, I snatched Joe. You know, but if you can snatch, how you get them is how you lose them. If you snatch someone up, someone else can snatch her up too. Once you fall off, once something happens, she's on to the next. It's just, period. But now, I'm up now. I'm up right now.

I'm up one. You know what I'm saying? I'm up one. And don't let it be like an ops. Like, ooh, cats be like, ooh, that's the ops. Let me go, you know, let me see what's up. You know what Jay Cole says? Shout out to the L.A. women.

Shout out to the L.A. knows, real men can tell the difference. Shout out to it that knows. Real people recognize real. That's all I'm going to say about that. And I feel like that's why we're in a gender war. And this is actually the next question that people are asking. What is up with the gender wars between men and women?

And where do you think that this is stemming from? Like a lot of people were talking about this in the comments when we asked about what we should speak on. Yeah, I think just the gender wars, we're fighting for like a median ground because it's like You know, we have these topics, too, about who's the prize or who's, you know, who gets what? And who gets this? And I'm not, I'm not wording it right. But like, the gender war is like about whose role is what. And it's getting to the point to where we like, men are struggling.

It's a power struggle because you have more women. who are doing their thing now and more masculine women. So now there's a clash between the masculine man and the masculine women. And there's way more feminine men, period point blank. Men are painting nails, wearing dresses, rappers. Like, all these men are becoming very extremely feminine. Yes, absolutely. And I feel like I think that the roles have reversed.

Yes. And there's way more feminine men and way more masculine women. And I think that there will always be that power struggle when you have those roles reversed because that's not how it's meant to be. Period. Well, the key for a masculine man is to find a

feminine woman. And, you know, it works that way. Yeah. Those two work. And then for the feminine man to find a masculine woman because, you know, I have friends that,

you know, I know a man that just let his woman run everything. And I was like, oh, yeah, she wore the draws in this one. I see who wear the pants in this relationship. But that's what it works. He needs to that. He needs that structure from her. And it's like damn. And as a man

like myself who watches that and I didn't understand it at first because I was like man, I'm letting her run over you. I'm like man whatever you know. This is what it is. You know she says I can't go to her. I can't I'm like damn. I got to be in my room when she calls when we're on road I'm like dog don't you make the money don't you don't you don't you run the

household damn like what like come on dog but that's what worked and kept them together but then I just never get it because I never saw that growing up or you know men was always taught to be the man yeah you know and it was just like damn you know so you know but it is what it is and like you said we're living in a times where more men have a lot of feminine tendencies and a lot of femininity that need a masculine woman. And there's nothing wrong with that. But I want to be clear because I feel like people also conflate the two where they're like, if a man is vulnerable, he's feminine. And I don't agree with that. Like, or if a man can speak on things emotionally, then he's feminine. Like, they have

so much like, oh, if a man is doing hookah and all that stuff. That long longer exists like it used to. Well, no. Because more men show their feelings than they before. No, no, no. But you said it. You said it. Like, there's more feminine than men. I have said that.

But I'm saying that there's a lot of women who still on the internet every day. Oh, if he's smoking hookah, he's sassy. If he's put his mouth on a hookah and sucking it, that's a sassy man. If he's drinking this, he's sassy. Right. That's what I'm trying to. My point is. I don't care. I don't care.

what nobody say. That's you, but what I'm saying is there's a lot of people on the internet that are conflating what's sassy and what's a man and it's like you can't. And I feel like it's the same thing with women. I feel like women who are more like independent or like are working and doing things and trying to like be a boss in this world. They're like, oh, you're masculine. But it's not true.

Like there's a lot of dynamics and aspects to women and men that people are just labeling these days so loosely. And it's like you don't know this person and how. how they are in their intimate relationship. So I think we just, for the gender war, do you feel like you're a part of the problem with the gender war with your platform and what you say?

Sometimes. At least you're honest. Yeah, like, I admit. Like, maybe I do say some things that come across, like, a... But, like, I love... The old-school ways. Yeah.

that's because that's where I come from and you're older and I'm older and so things have changed and I have to start adjusting to like how things are and how women are talked to and treated and the things that are said and you know and I understand that am I going to shy away of my beliefs Not completely, but I will bend, you know, I will bend them and I'll make adjustments. But, you know, I know I've come on this platform and kind of offended women. But like overall, when you look at the big picture of it, this is like not me speaking all the time. this is me kind of like speaking for the men that I hear this stuff from you know what I'm saying and that's like these are like the guys who talk like this that I sometimes be around and so like

when I call an older woman cook I'm hearing it you know I'm hearing it from these men I'm like they constantly say it so I'm like damn is it a belief is it really that you know what I'm saying and you are kind of like sometimes are a product of your environment so I feel like, though, too, it holds weight if it's coming from you versus maybe all these other people. You're creating a voice for them and you're creating a platform for them. So I would say

you could correct them instead of condone what they're saying. Well, it's not all negativity, but you know sometimes I say things that men want to say but don't say. Yeah, I can agree with that. You know what I'm saying? They

feel how I feel but don't know how to express it. And so what do, they'll play it in front of their women. I've actually heard guys like, I had to play this for my girl. I don't know how to say it, so I had her listen to it, P. You know, that's what, you know, I'm trying to give men the men who are afraid or men who are just kind of like not as outspoken as I am, a voice to like, hey, be a man. Chest up, chin out, bro.

So you think that includes you telling men to, There's a lot of things that you say. Like example. Like cheat on your girl. I don't believe that. So I'm playing this in front of my girl because I cheated on her. Paul Pierce is saying cheat on her girl to prove if you love him. I'm playing this for my girl because she's older and I want to make her fill away.

Oh, you're cooked. You're old past 30. What is that? How is that positive for me? That's not positive and it's not good advice to deliberately cheat on your girl. It's like some men that I've been around that found. out if their women really loved them, stuck around through that. And that's where that kind of came from.

It wasn't me giving those instructions, but it was like, there's different ways to find out if you're a woman loves you. You know, especially, and this is, this is like for men more in my position, I think, because we absolutely deal with fakeness and women that chase the money and chase the fame and, chase the clout and it's like damn all right you you chasing something that's like dirty like and we know it too but we are dumb as men but we're like we're dumb we're dumb like we're dumb as men because we're so visual and we're like oh we like that you don't know if you like that you're just

looking at that oh i'm gonna look at you can look at i'm gonna marry her you don't know that dog You're just looking at her, her looks, and you see her how she hold her cup. Like, man, you're going to get yourself in trouble with that. You know what I'm saying? And that's what we don't realize. And so, you know, as men, especially men of, like, high value or, you know, men in a kind of, like, leadership position or men in, like, celebrity type of role, it's like, how do you. really know. Can I ask you a question?

Yes, of course. Do you believe in, like, intuition? Do I believe in intuition? Yeah, I have a very strong intuition. So having a strong intuition should definitely play a part in knowing if your woman loves you, right? Because I feel like for me, when I'm around somebody

long enough, I can tell if they're genuine and I can tell if they're fake. And I think you basically said that you know, but you're dumb because you want the love. look right well so well we like other things your qualities like that a woman brings like well you know it's a lot of guys in my position that know they're with girls that's in it for the money right but she does all the right things and so you live with it you live with it but you know so there's not a real test that you have to give you know like damn you know what she cool you know she doing all this

and that and be a night do that you know and you like that good feeling right now right but you know when shit turns left man she ain't gonna hold you down right so that's more of a you problem than it is a woman problem but the men and that position also feel like you know they got the pick of the litter so like once this wear off I get one just like this

that's like a lease yeah you can keep switching it out if you want or you can actually use your intuition and decide that you're going to be with somebody that actually loves you instead of trying to do all these tests for someone who you already know doesn't even rock with you like that. I think that's the difference.

I feel like people know and people decide to stay and then they become jaded and hurt for the next person. And then what happens is you're the right person but you become the wrong person because you've been hurt and jaded and lied to and now your trust

is broken and the right woman might come in your life and you might mess that whole thing up because you are still living with all the past of all the women who did you dirty. And now you're projecting that onto this new person who's actually in it for the love. So you're really causing harm to yourself by staying in things that no longer serve you

and staying around people who are not in it for you. And I can imagine it's hard being someone who has all these things. But at the same time, it's like you should use your intuition as a person. This is what I will tell you. Men look for women that like, They say, all right, especially, I'm talking for, like, the guys who are, like, celebrities, because we brought that, the athlete, celebrities and rappers, like, you know, they looks for women that they can share a memories with.

Okay. Like, because it gets to the points, like, you fly your friends everywhere, your boys, and it's just like, damn, I want to share this with a woman, you know, you don't want to do the shit by yourself. You want to, like, damn, I want to have this experience with a woman. You know, when I started getting older, I was like, man, I need to be able to share this. I want to go someplace, you know, travel the world and do something and I need somebody. And even though he knows she in it for that, I just want somebody there to see it, to share it with.

It was like, it was at that point. Not sad, honestly. It is sad. That's very sad. It is sad. It's very sad. But you are in that position. It's sad.

When you look at guys, think about this, you look at guys like Kevin Durant, who's like one of the most famous. famous basketball player, one of the greatest basketball players that ever lived, and, you know, he's not married, no kids, but he, like, says, like, man, it's hard out here. Like, how I'm a, like, trust a woman, like, that just, like, know what I am, know what I do, know what I can do for her and do all these things, and it's like, damn, how do you, like, settle down with somebody who is going to be loving you for who you are? And it's just like, all right, whatever, you know what, I'm going to just do me. You know, I know a lot of athletes like that.

Now we're in a generation where the athletes, they're not going no more. They're like, man, I'll be single the rest of my life. I'll spend my bread on me and my family, and I ain't even tripping off these holes. Yeah. What I will say is I think even as a woman that is for women who are genuine and actually want genuine love, I think that's why women like me, even like I would rather be with someone who is not all of that and has that chip on their shoulder, you know? and it's just like a regular person

who doesn't want to test you and see if you really love on. You're saying celebrities, athletes. I'm not saying the celebrities aren't regular people, but they're not. High value men too. Whatever that means. I hate when people say high value men

because it's just like high value men, high value men, that's different for everyone. It's perspective. Perception is reality. What I look at is high value, you may not see it that way. So for me, someone that just has a normal life

that isn't like, this person is trying to use me. I'm going to test everything about them. like where it's like, yo, like I'm, why do I come into a relationship having to prove myself or prove I love you, I love you every second when it's like, in reality, how is that fair for the counterpart? You know? Like you guys as celebrities and athletes choose to be with women who don't love you because you're lonely and you want to share memories and you don't really value having that real partnership, it seems like. So it feels like maybe that is a good man. Because it's the same thing.

If you do get a real woman that really rocked with you, then she has to be up against a test every day. Like, do you love me? Like, you know what I mean? So it just seems like maybe that's the cheat code. Maybe that is the cheat code. You know what? I think we need to start doing as athletes, rappers, celebrities.

Why do I feel like you're going to say the V-S right now? No, for real. But go. You need to stop getting with these girls that's waiting at the front of the line at the club and get you one of these ghetto girls. I'm telling you need to go to the ghetto and get one. I'm trying to tell you,

she is going to rock with you. She going to rob you. She's going to mess with you. She's going to mess with you because of who you are, but she's going to be so appreciative because she ain't been messing with all these other rappers and celebrities, get you one of them decent girls from the hood. I'm talking about that.

She can do everything, cook, clean, do all that. She live in a one-bedroom apartment with like five people with her mama. Still with her mama. I've cried. And she sleep on the couch. Find you one like that. That's what you really need to do. That one right there ain't going to never leave you.

And you can, hey, you can make her, you can uplift her. I'm crying. Shoot, I'm trying to tell you. You can uplift that one. It don't matter what race either. You ain't got, they ain't got to be black. It can be any race. They, them ones go shoot.

Them ones that's going to be, man. Find you one that's sleeping on the couch. If she ain't sleeping on the couch, then, man, that ain't the one. She ain't never going to leave you because you don't want to go back to sleeping on the couch. She all want to go back to that couch. So that's the same scenario you're creating. Another woman that's dependent on you for other things other than the love.

No, she's going to show appreciate it. The ones that sleep on the couch is going to hold accountability. Yeah, they're going to hold her. It's going to, they're going to give you that double A baseball. accountability your advice is so out of pocket accountability and what's the other a appreciation appreciation right

anyway so now moving on another person wants to talk about what what about the friends that you have who could never be single like they're hopping from relationship to relationship they never are single they never take time to heal they never take time with themselves Like, what do you think about that?

Well, I think those people have attachment issues. Absolutely. Yeah, they just, like, they are lost when somebody, because they've been in long-term relationships, two, three years plus, and they used to somebody being there. And then when they don't have that, they jump something into something real quick.

And they make bad decisions most of the time. Do you feel like you have ever been like that? Yeah. Okay. I've made bad decisions. Like I think you learn from your bad decisions, you know. But the only way you get better is to make bad decisions. Yeah, but also not just make bad decisions,

but recognize your decisions and understand that everything you've been through is a learning lesson. So, you know, you got to take that time for yourself. Until you take that time for yourself, you don't really know what you like and what you want and what you'll tolerate and what you want to deal with, period. Because you're so used to being in a real time for yourself. so used to being in a relationship that you don't know how to set boundaries or

understand the things that you want, you know? Like, I did not, and I did, I was one of those people when I was younger and I've always was in like long relationships until I finally like took time for myself. And once I took that time, it made me make better decisions about my partners. This is what I would say for you men and women when you are like that. This is what I will say. Don't stop looking for a relationship and stop looking at for love period I swear every girl I ever been with I wasn't even looking by her yeah it just smacked me in the face and you know I've always been a relationship guy and I was in a journey to where I was like man I want to be alone I'm never gonna get

in a relationship ever again and and I'm never on I love my peace and I like being sitting on the couch watching TV and nobody complaining about this needing attention for this and, you know, like, when I go pick up my remote, it's not where I put it because she didn't move it. You know, you're like, damn, that's feel good. That's feel good. Like, when somebody around is moving your shit, like, people hate that.

But then it was just like, damn, it smacks you in the face. Yeah. And every time you're like, damn, I wasn't even intended on being with this chick. It was like, I wasn't even like looking for that shit. And then it's just like, wow, next thing you know, you're like with somebody. Yeah.

So like, you know, when you have an opportunity to heal, heal, do your shit, go by yourself, go to restaurant, eat by yourself, go have a drink by yourself, go to the movies by yourself, travel by yourself. It's just a peace of mind. It helps you just like reset and look at the world different. And you know that you're like, you can exhale. That's a great feeling. And then when that one person comes in your house, you ain't even going to be looking for it. It's going to be like right there.

100%. And they also say, like, if you go to the grocery store hungry, you'll pick anything. You'll make bad decisions. But if you're already satiated and then you go, you'll pick what's right for you. Satiated. Okay, I learned a new word.

I don't know what that means. It means like you're not full and you're not hungry. You're satisfied. Okay. Yeah, like you're sated. Let me give me a new word, satiated. Yeah. So when you.

are satiated and you go, you can't go looking for something when you're desperate. You're going to pick anybody. First of all, you shouldn't be looking or you shouldn't be chasing because chasing is the opposite of attraction. You should be attracting everything that comes to you. Yeah. So you have to get out of that space of like desperation. Damn.

That's real. You got me some good words. You got me some. Anyways. Good advice. This is the daily fantasy segment brought to you by Price Picks, where you can win real cash by playing daily fantasy. Use code TAD and get $50 instantly in lineups

when you play your first five. So today for our segment, you have to tell me what is your fantasy when it comes to a woman in a relationship or not, just a woman that you're dealing with? Ah, my fantasy. Well, my fantasy is more, foot rubs

more feeding me and less talk more more and less I'm crying that's the fantasy right there

so do men just want women not to talk or just talk less because that's what I hear men say all the time they're just like shut up so you just don't want a woman to say nothing at this point no just talk less talk less talk less

but what does that mean? Because I think that I'm going to... Do more. Simple. We simple. Talk less and do more. Okay, that's crazy. Yeah, just like the prize pigs.

Less and more. Less and more. Okay. I heard that. I think for me, I would say my fantasy would be more communication, less, less, like, what's the word for people who hold shit in? Like, less holding stuff in, more communicating it and moving past it.

That's what I would feel. Because I feel like men, they have a problem with, like, holding it and holding it, and then they're pissed off, and then it creates resentment. When you could just tell someone little stuff, like, hey, I hate when you do that. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. You know, that's a big thing. Yeah.

Okay, so more of what and less than what? More communication, less withdrawing. communication less holding stuff in and building resentment yeah because in all my relationship men don't do that yeah that's a fantasy I fantasize about having someone that's vulnerable and communicative yes and women love that it doesn't have to be rubbing feet down but if I'm gonna do something like that then more romance there we go the more romance candles okay like sweet thoughtful things candles, flowers, like once a month flowers.

I don't think that's a lot to ask for. Like little stuff that makes a woman feel like feminine and like happy, like, oh wow, you thought of me. You know what I mean? Just little stuff. It doesn't have to even include money. Yeah. You know?

Just little stuff. I would think more romance is important in a relationship. If a man was like, hey, I'm gonna give you so much money every two weeks, that ain't romance. I think that's romantic. I would be more. I'm so much romantic as well because you're taking care of me. I think, yes, if a man is taking care of you and stuff, like, that's romance.

But even when I'm just talking about, like, little things of just, like, being thoughtful. And I think women should be that way, too. I don't think it's just a man. I think women should do little gifts and little thoughtful things. And I think men should do that, too. And, again, it doesn't have to involve money. It could just be like, I cook through and lit the candles up, or I ran you a bag. and there's rose petals in there.

I picked you a flower from outside. Yeah. Little stuff. I think romance, true romance is something that doesn't cost anything. Exactly. I agree. So like flowers cost. You can go pick flowers.

Where? Outside. So what do you, what would you? I got to spit some gas money now. So what about like running a bath? That doesn't cost. Taking someone up the mouth, oiling them down, massaging them. I got to buy the oil.

So don't have oil then. Just rub them down. Spit. Spit on them. Spit on them. And then get some put on a favorite movie, like little cute stuff. Just having quality time. But I got to have a subscription for something.

Well, if you don't have, like every, you have a subscription. People have a subscription. That costs money. That's not nothing to do with nothing. You're not getting the subscription. I'll tell you what doesn't cost money, that's romantic. Because everything you're doing is saying, everything you're talking about is saying. Okay.

Cost something at some point. Okay, you tell me. So like head rubs. Okay. Back rubs and scratches. You know what I'm saying? Like say if I painted your fingernails because girls always going to have fingernail polish. Always.

Painting your fingernails is crazy or whatnot. It ought to be dope. That's not all. I don't rock with that because you, for me, I go to a nail artist to get my nails up professionally. Yeah, but you don't care about. You're about to get your nails now tomorrow. He was like, let me try to do it.

And y'all just sitting there on the couch. Okay, I think that's cool. Sitting next to the fire. Okay, that costs money. What kind of man are you to have a fireplace? You have to have a house and a fireplace. Well, you already got that. You already got the subscription for the movie then.

So don't try to run me. You already have an oil or a lotion. If you're not putting on lotion as a black man already or a, or an oil. I don't wear a lotion. You wear oils or something for sure. I'm sure you do. Yeah, I wear a coconut.

Yeah, so don't try it. All right. You can do things without money. And I think, like, rubbing someone down is a daily thing. Like, in a relationship, I'm rubbing my person down every day that I see him. So I don't know that that's romance. I think it is. It's nice.

It's intimate. It's romance, but it's, like, something that I'm daily going to be doing around my person. Thoughtful words. Yeah, I think thoughtful words are nice. There we go. But I think with men sometimes, like, y'all want us to talk less. So sometimes, like, as a woman, you'll say all these things thoughtful. And a man will just be like, cool.

Thumbs up. Great. Like, you'll be like, whatever. A woman say more of that. We need men to say more thoughtful things. Like, if a man was to come and just be like, babe, I love you, this. That, like, to a woman means so much because men don't do that often. So it's like little things, like showing your appreciation through words and communication

for a woman is like, wow, he said that, that hits. So that doesn't cost a dime. Okay. So anyways. Free game for y'all. Free game, okay? But anyways, thank you to our good friends at Price Fix, America's number one sports picks app.

Use code TAD and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first five. So another thing is, what do you think the difference is between having a trauma bond? Do you know what, like, a trauma bond is? with a trauma bonding. So trauma bonding is basically when you meet someone and you guys are both in it, like, let's say you're in a really bad space and you meet someone else

and they might have a lot of bad stuff going on or they're a negative person and you guys bond over that trauma. So you have this attachment based on all of your trauma and it's this negative relationship but it's not really real love, right? So have you been in a trauma-bonding relationship? No. I think trauma-bonding relationship.

bonding as you explain it is like more of like girls do that with each other all the time first of all they bond over each other trying y'all go out and like six of y'all going through the goddamn same things and just be like telling men like how bad they are and they now she meet a man that's going through the same thing he went through their relationship that's like that's unhealthy yeah but relationships are like that too where two people either bond or their trauma or one person manipulates the other person based on their trauma Oh, yeah, men do that all the time. Men take advantage of the girl all the time.

That's traumatized. She's traumatized. She's going to take her and be like, oh, yeah, we're going to do, hey, hey. Yeah, exactly. I for sure have been in a trauma-bondy relationship before, and I feel like, you know. Took advantage of you? Yeah, but I. I was in a messed up state of mind, yeah.

And then I was definitely in a relationship where I felt like, you know, it was a trauma bond. It was a relationship or was like a hookup? relationship. I don't have like a lot of hookups. It was a full relationship for years and it was definitely trauma bonded and as a relationship I wasn't getting better sometimes you have to take inventory of a relationship like am I getting better or worse in this situation and I gained all that weight not to say that that's his fault. So the trauma bonding ended had you doing that? I'm not going to blame him. I always am going to blame myself. Yeah yeah. It's never going to be but it was definitely a trauma bonding situation. He saw that I'm traumatized. He was

like oh and he took advantage of that and really manipulated me and it was bad how you know that was his intent it might not have been his intention to do that but i feel like it was based off of everything that went down i can definitely no for sure like he could have liked you because you was no he could have liked me he for sure liked your vibe so like like like let's stop coming out here and this using this internet and social media to say oh that's trauma binding that's love bomb and like no I know what you're saying about people misusing narcissistic or trauma. But I will say that I genuinely know that that was that situation. It was genuinely, and I'm not going to sit on here and explain why,

but I did therapy and did a lot of work. That situation was definitely that. And women and men deal with that situation. You can't just dismiss it just because people misuse the word. We come up with new terms every two or three. And narcissism is not a new term. Well, we were talking about trauma bond. I never heard of that growing up.

Yeah, because also... I never heard of that in the last five years. You know who did hear about that growing up? White people. That's because in the black and brown communities, it was stigmatized to know anything about mental health, to talk about mental health, to talk about relationships. You're on your A game today.

You're using all these big words. Stigmatizes... You're on your A game today. It stigmatizes not a big word, Paul. All right. Traumabon, stigmatized. Okay, so another thing is that someone wanted to know is why are having so young miami actually recently i don't know if it's a recent post

but it resurfaced she was talking about how she'll have a baby with a man if she got pregnant at any moment but she won't marry them and she's like i don't get why people want to get married and not have a baby so there's this whole idea that having a baby is a less commitment than marriage and i completely disagree with that i feel like having a baby is a huge commitment i could divorce you and not have a kid and never have to talk to you again. Yeah, it might be some stuff with like money. I get that a man has to deal with or whatever. But when it comes to a baby,

that's the rest of your life that you're dealing with that kid and that person. No matter what, you're always going to be connected to that person. That's my fear because I don't have a kid, and that's been one of my fears of like, if I have a kid with this person, I have to look at this person for the rest of my life. I don't know that I want to do that. But would I get married?

Possibly that's still a fear of mine. But yeah, because you could, divorce someone and not have been. You don't know if you want to look at your kid the kid, the man. You don't have to. You do have to have a... Why? You have to look at that man and deal with that man.

No, you don't. Why wouldn't you? Because I never deal with my father. That's horrible. I know, but it's like... I understand that. But like, it's not a have-to things because that's common. Do you have to deal with the mother of your children?

Like, I just... choose to yeah because that's the man i am right but there's so many cases to where these men and women don't even allow it women don't even like i don't even want you to see your father i'm no i'm moving i'm moving away but i would never do that to my child i understand that's you that's you you can't speak for just you i'm not speak to what really happens like a lot you know it happens a lot but what i'm saying is if you're a decent person you would not keep your child away That doesn't make you not a decent person. Keeping your child away from the parent unless they're harming the kid.

It's not great. It's just like. It's selfish. It's a very selfish decision. Say that. Okay. Don't say they're a bad person or decent. Just maybe it is selfish.

It's a very selfish decision. But like the kid, like you see how like, all right, I'm not with a guy, but this is the joy of my world. And based on how he treated me and how he was, I don't even want him to mess. up this joy and this girl's out of move away but that's not right we don't know what's right i know that your dad if they want to be in your child's life and they're not going to harm the child or they're not like domestically abusive or crazy you should give them the opportunity to have a relationship with their father or their mother i think that that's a very self-driven position he's toxic what if he's a criminal what did i just say what did you got

to understand there's certain circumstances that come into it to why women do that just say. What did you say? I said, unless there's circumstances that will harm the child. Well, it doesn't mean, because you, there's things, doesn't mean you're going to harm the child. Like, you act like criminals, harm childs. Like, harmed kids.

Like, he might be doing other things. He's just a criminal. But he might, you know what I'm saying? You got to understand. I've seen this. I've been around it. Like, it's like, and women take these kids away from men and just be like, I love, I just wanted to.

child and move away never like it happens all I'm not saying that it doesn't happen I'm saying that for me and my opinion on what I feel like is more of a commitment I think having a child is more of a commitment to marriage that is me now having a whole child that I raise that I have to people are saying that oh I'll have a baby by a man but I won't marry a man it's much it's way more bigger commitment to get married I don't I don't marriage versus a kid is more stressful we're not talking about stressful we're talking about a commitment that's the that's well the commitment makes it stressful the commitment makes it stressful so you believe that having a kid is more is less of a commitment not say that i'm asking you that's the question that i'm asking so babies versus

marriage commitment no so the baby commitment is for the rest of your life that's my but that's more of a beautiful thing then when you get married you're going to have feelings up and down you're going to have resentment that comes into play if y'all break up there's like like most of the time mothers and their kid are not like that so the baby makes more sense than the marriage okay that's your opinion yeah it's just my opinion and i think you have a your your everything you name about marriage was very like negative a marriage yeah you have a very negative perception of marriage the commitment to marriage is more stressful because you have ups and downs more so than you don't believe that you have ups and downs raising your kid as a mother every day but like as a mother as a father like you don't understand how much joy that a kid brings yeah i can believe that on bad days like when you're having a bad day it reflects on the marriage it doesn't it don't reflect it reflects more than the kid because the kid going to make you smile more so than your partner your partner is just going to be like over there like going through it with you that's sad okay

It's not sad, it's just life. No, I mean, I think that your view on things can be from maybe your experiences or whatever it is. But I will say that for me, I'm just thinking like, and this is what the person was saying in the comments, like, babies are such a big deal. Like, I take raising a child so seriously, like, and even just my nieces and my nephews that I helped raise and stuff like that. It's not the same thing. Trust me. No, I know it's not the same as having a child, but I'm just saying like. And you can't speak on my mom.

view on it because I'm speaking from a woman's point of view because I've seen that how you can't speak from a woman's point of view yes I can because I've seen it I've been around it but you're not it so you have to speak from a man's point of view no I can speak on a woman's point of view when I've seen her I've seen it as all the time around the kid okay that's fine so that goes into dating people with kids do you feel like child support should change if one of the parents remarries. So let's say like you're paying someone child support and she remarries another man.

Should that, should your child support change? Well man I don't even know. That's a good question. If she remarries, should your child support change? Um, I don't think

man should be paying child support anyway. Okay. I think it should be like, it should be like half the duties is more important than the child support, I think. Okay. Like, if you keep the child for a month, I get them for a month. I agree.

When they're with you, you pay for what they need. When they're with me, I pay for what they need. I agree with that. You know, I just think half the duty. I agree with that. And I don't think child support should be a thing. I think child support is for men who are not in the deep child. child's life at all.

So, like, and it's not by choice, like the woman taking the baby away. It's their choice. They don't want to be in the child's life for whatever reason. I think then they should pay child support because they're not supporting the kid financially. But I think if a dad or mother is, like, present and we're both getting the child 50-50, I don't get it. Yeah, I don't understand. Like, if we have 50-50 customers. Yeah, I don't get that either.

And I got to pay child support. I don't get that either. Like, so I only have to pay for my time with the child. I have to pay for your time with the child. Like, it don't make sense to me. It doesn't make sense to me either, if I'm being honest. I've always wondered that. I'm like, if you're available.

That's the most stupidest thing ever. I'm thinking if I have half the time with them, I'll pay for my half of the time. When I'm with that child, food, clothing, all of that. Now it's your turn. Yeah. If that's what half custody is, see, I don't get it.

Yeah, well. And then Erica, actually, our friend, Erica, she asked, what about Dave? people with kids who have bitter baby moms or baby daddies like how do you feel about that or how do you navigate that ask the question one more time dealing with dating people and dealing with dating someone who has like kids and a bitter baby mom or bitter baby dad yeah i'm looking for a question i'm saying like how do you deal how would you navigate that i don't know because i don't have that issue no i'm saying but what would you give someone advice on like how would you navigate that

situation if you're dealing with someone who has like who is I guess maybe upset that you have another girl or have another guy or like implementing that person knowing that this person might be upset you know like I think at the end of the day like you have to do and have conversation and say hey we're in this together yeah we have to do this for our kid we're raising them together like I understand we're not together no more but we have a kid together yeah like it's toxic for them to see us arguing

or me not seeing the kid that's toxic like let's do what's best for the kid like we always it's it's selfish when one of the others ones is bitter they don't want to do stuff because the other one's bitter and it's like dude lady like remember the most important fact on all of this is the kids yeah for sure you ain't got to deal with each other you know what you ain't even got to get out the car here

drop them off right here boom I got it like you don't want to see my face you know a lot of you know what families do that got money they have like a house to where that's where the kid and you and that kid stay and they have their own house so the father have a house the mama got a house but they see the kid father or something

they stay over here a lot of some rich families that do that. Oh I see what you're saying like they have one house where the father goes over there when they're with the kids and the mother goes over there when they're with the kids is that what it is? Yeah something like that. I see what you're so the kids don't have to move around is that what it is?

No no no no no no they have a house just for that it's rich just some rich stuff No, but I'm curious now. For what? I'm confused. That's when I spend my time with the kid at this house. Because I have a girl.

Oh. And I'm not with the kid full time, but I'll spend my time over here with the kid to where I'm not. They do stuff like that. I've seen it. That's crazy then. So when does the girl, when do you just always keep the girl over there? Do you never implement the girl with the kid? Eventually, maybe.

Okay. That's interesting. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, thank you guys. joining another episode of The Truth After Dark. We appreciate you guys and we appreciate you guys submitting questions

that you want us to talk about in topics. Continue to tell us the things that you would like to hear from us and give us feedback because we always are looking for that. Yes, definitely. We have some stuff we wanted to go over but we'll bring that to you next week. Yeah, if we didn't answer your question, look out

for it next week. All right. Make sure you like, subscribe because that always helps us with the algorithm you know what i'm saying youtube Spotify apple uh apple yeah all the all the platforms make sure yeah check us out and give us a review we appreciate that thank y'all This is the taking over the game. All right, everybody, welcome to truth after dark. Do you think that men or women are more toxic?

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