Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - 10 Rules that Changed My Life | Clutterbug Podcast # 143

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

In today's podcast, I talk about 10 rules that I follow to have a happy and fulfilled life.     You can find more Clutterbug content here: Website: http://www.clutterbug.me YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clutterbug TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/   #clutterbug #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think we all want the same thing out of life, and that's really just to be happy to have a happy, meaningful life. But how do we get there? How do we have a roadmap to take us to the life we're craving? Hey, Clutterbugs, and welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. Today I want to talk about something a little bit different. I was watching YouTube last week, and I came across Don from the Minimal Mom's video, 10 rules that changed my life. I watched the video. I love it. I I loved it because her rules that she had, a lot of them aligned with my rules for life. But why I found this so fascinating was because I didn't even realize I had rules. I just have these sort of moral guidelines, I guess, or life guidelines that I follow.

And most of them I learned through failure, through making a ton of mistakes, doing things wrong, and having to, yeah, adapt. I'm in my mid-40s. So I've lived this whole life. And I also made a lot of mistakes in my youth. So I don't talk about this very often, but I had a really, I don't know, even the word troubled youth. And it wasn't until I was in my early 20s that I really started changing my life and turning it around and creating these new rules to keep me out of trouble. So and to give me success and to make me happier and just blobbity bloop. So let's just jump into my 10. rules that changed my life and while you're listening to this i guess i want you to just take time to think about your own rules do you have these sort of yeah these these foundations for your life these rules that you follow because you know they lead to happiness and success the first rule that i have um listen this this has always been one of my rules and it has gotten me into a

lot of trouble when i was younger a lot of trouble But that being said, now I have boundaries on this rule, which is, I do not do this if it's toxic and negative. All right? So know the difference. But here's my rule. You ready for it? Say yes to everything. Say yes to scary things.

Always start with yes. I could always change my mind, but I'm always saying yes. And why I wanted to talk about this was because I have a lot of anxiety and there is so many times where people will. say, hey, like, do you want to go for coffee? Strangers, you want to do this? You want to get together. Do you want to do this podcast together? Do you want to, I don't know, go on a trip with people I hardly know. And my instinct is always no. My instincts was like, no, I don't know you. I have social anxiety. I don't want to hang out with you. I don't want to leave my house. I'm scaredy squirrel. My instinct is always no. Anytime something is hard work, new, anxiety inducing, my instinct is

always no, but my rule is to say yes. And obviously as a teenager, this did not end well. People be like, hey, you want to go jump off a bridge? Yep. Hey, you want to steal that car and go joyriding? Sure. In my gut, I'm like, no, that's bad cast. Don't do it. Hey, you want to try these drugs? Of course I do. I say yes to everything. That was not great. That was not good. But now as an adult realizing, okay, there are toxic things. I say no to people who are taking advantage of me. I say no to things that are going to hurt me and cause negative effects, but I say yes to going out for coffee with the stranger. I say yes when a publisher contacts me and says, do you want to write a book?

And I say, I don't know how to write. And that sounds terrifying. And absolutely not. But yes, I will. I was asked to do a TED talk. I have a crippling fear of public speaking. Yes. Yes, I will do this TED talk.

Yes, I will do this interview. Yes, I will show up and I will do the news. Yes, I will do that television show. Yes, I will go out for coffee with you, stranger. My neighbor invites me over to sit and have wine. I don't drink, but I will show up with you, even though I don't want to, because yes, because I need to push myself out of my comfort zone, because outside of my comfort zone is where real growth happens. This is what I've realized when I do things that are scary. It leads to so much more happiness. Not only am I like, Yeah, I'm proud of myself, but also I'm meeting new people and experiencing new things and

growing as a human. So much amazing success has come from the rule of saying yes to scary things. My rule number two is I'm never going to feel like it, but I'm doing it anyways. I am a procrastinator and I am a person who, oh my, I try to avoid work like it's going to kill me honestly uh if something's hard work or if something's just like just everything let's be honest getting out of bed in the morning i'm like i don't want to i don't want to and i'm my own boss so i don't have sort of like these people other people that i have to be accountable to you i have to be accountable to myself and i find this really hard and i struggled for a lot of years with chronic laziness

chronic procrastination because I was waiting till I felt like I wanted to do it. I no longer do that. That's it. I parent myself. That's it. You're never going to feel like it casts. You're going to get up and do it anyways. You're going to get up and do something. It only has to be five minutes. You're going to do something every single day that makes you feel proud of yourself tomorrow. And you're not going to put things off. And sometimes I fall off the wagon a little bit But fundamentally, like, this is a rule that I follow. I no longer wait till I have the time, till I have the patience, till I have the money, till I have the motivation.

I know, I know. My rule is you are never going to feel like it. You have to do it now. My third rule for life is more Joe's rule, if I'm being totally honest. He kind of forced me to do this when we first got together and in our marriage. because I am bad with money and I've always been bad with money and I'm very impulsive and I had to learn this rule and that is live below your means. Live below your means. Do not spend every dollar that you get for your paycheck. Save first and do not touch your savings. And when I first met Joe,

I had like 50 million credit cards and so much debt and I was living paycheck to paycheck. I was working three jobs and spending every dang dime. If I got a bonus, I was going on to vacation. It was just, that's the way I'd always lived. And I didn't know anything different. And he instantly was going to fix that. He was like, here is every Dave Ramsey book. Here is rich dad, poor dad, the wealthy barber, the millionaire next door.

I was reading all of these books. He was like, you have to educate yourself. you have to learn that when it comes to you making financial decisions, your first thought needs to be, would you rather have the money? Before you buy something, it's $40. Would you rather have this or $40? And that was such a different way of looking at things. It was really eye-opening for me.

And I remember when I was pregnant and we were buying our first home and we went to the bank to get pre-approved for a mortgage. And they pre-approved us for like $250,000, right? because Joe was an engineer and he made great money and I worked at the Lung Association and I made okay money and they were like yeah you you can be approved up to a $250,000 mortgage now this is 16 years ago and that bought a lot of house and I was so excited and he was like our budget's 120 and I was like what less than half what are you what are you smoking there bro and I remember being kind of mad but he was great with money and I trusted him and so we bought this really small. It was almost like a double wide trail. It was a prefab home. And it was not my dream

house. And it was not what I expected. But when he lost his job a few years later, and when I was a stay at home mom, I was so thankful that we were living below our means. I remember the first time we were buying vehicles. I was like, okay, let's go to the car dealership. And he's like, you never buy brand new. We always buy secondhand vehicles. We now, I mean, I don't want to tell you, but we're doing very well in life. I have never owned a brand new vehicle in my life. I'm always buying secondhand, always buying used, always living below our means. We live in a very modest home. It's completely paid for. The house we lived in now, the next home we bought, I remember we are pre-approved for a mortgage of like $600,000. We bought a house for two. And I want to move again, but again,

we're paying cash. We're living below our means. We don't have a mortgage. We don't have debt and we have enough money and savings now because we've lived this way for the last who knows how many years that we could both stop working today and never have to work again. We could live off the money in our savings. And I'm so grateful for that because guess what? At the end of the day, nothing gives you more happiness than having peace of mind when it comes to money. The fourth rule that I live by is to work smarter, not harder. And what I really mean by this is give myself permission to take shortcuts in life. I came from a family where the biggest thing they prided themselves on is the fact that they were really hard workers.

They are a blue-collar family. Both my parents worked in factories and they worked hard. 12-hour shift work. They would come home and then work in the yard and clean the house, spotless. And on the weekends, it wasn't for pleasure. It was working. They were doing the gardening or updating the house or doing something to better themselves all the time. And that work ethic, at the time, like looking back, I'm like, wow, that's so admirable.

But at the time, I'm like, heck no. I don't want to be a person that works all day and never enjoys my life. I don't want to be on this hamster wheel of working all the time. And so I think I really rebelled. I didn't clean. I didn't work hard. I didn't do anything. I had a zero work ethic.

But what I realized is there is a happy medium. You can still have the things you want out of life, but take shortcuts on the things that don't matter. Work smarter, not harder. I no longer clean the floor on my hands and knees. I use a spray mop. I don't move things when I'm dusting. I use a swiffer duster. We have a robot vacuum that vacuums our floor.

You know, we take shortcuts. Our grass has a lot of weeds in it. Listen, my dad would die if he saw my grass because he was like out there with a butter knife. There was like, no weeds in the driveway. We just buy some weed sprayer once a year. And guess what? There's a lot of weeds that come back and I don't really care. If that stuff is important to you, then yes, do it.

But if you're doing it because you feel you have to, If you're working hard on things that don't really matter to you, take shortcuts. Work smarter, not harder. The fifth rule that I live by is, this is a quote from Will Smith, actually, but basically it's just saying no to people. And I know earlier I said I say yes to scary things and I say yes to everything, but I have learned to say no to toxic people, to not people, please. And this quote from Will Smith that I love so much is,

stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions. And I definitely let people who did very little for me control so much of my life and so much of my thoughts. And to be honest with you, a large part of those people are family, people that I felt like I had to have in my life, that I had to make time for, in room and space in my life, even though they were doing nothing for me, but causing me misery and causing me to be upset all the time and just taking up so much brain power listen i can't tell you how much i thought about these people and why didn't they love me and why didn't they do this for me and why did they treat me this way and why are they still treating me this way and why aren't they calling back and and i'm just like why no no boundaries i have boundaries

for these people now and it i didn't completely cut them out of my life but i did make a conscious decision to not let them take up space in my mind and my heart. This is the space, this is the box that I'm going to put you in, and I'll visit you from time to time, and we'll hang out if that's something that both of us want to do, but you're no longer going to control my emotions. That's a hard rule to learn, and I learned it just recently, and I'm so much happier for it, saying no to the toxic people.

Before I get to the last five rules, I wanted to take a second just to thank Cozy Earth for sponsoring today's podcast. We talked earlier about how I totally do live below my means. I don't buy name brand things. I buy used vehicles, but there are things that I treat myself. And now, most important thing to me that I kind of splurge on is a good night's sleep. Not only do I have a great mattress, but I do love beautiful high quality sheets. I remember being 40 the first time I got beautiful sheets and there's no looking back.

And cozy earth, it's softer than cotton. It's made from soft and sustainable bamboo fabrics. It's temperature regulating, which is important because I'm going through metapause. So it keeps me cool and comfortable all night long. And cozy earth has actually been featured on Oprah's favorites list four years in a row, which why is how you know it's amazing. Because Oprah. They also have a 10-year warranty.

on all their products and a hundred night, 100 night sleep test, which means if you're not happy, if you don't love them, you can get a full refund. Right now, Cozy Earth has an exclusive offer for my listeners. You can save 30% off their beautiful betting when you use the promo code clutterbug. Go to cozyEarth.com and use the promo code clutterbug to save 35% off. Rule number six that I just actually have been learning recently and reminding myself of all the time is you don't have to wait until tomorrow to try again. Every second is a fresh start. Every second is a fresh start. So I have a lot of bad habits that I try to overcome.

And for some reason I had this mentality like if I was dieting and I'm like, okay, I'm not going to eat sugar today or eat junk food today. And then I would eat, I would have a moment of lapse and I eat like junk food. I would say, oh, well, I'll just start again tomorrow and then like give in and eat junk food. Or, you know, it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I'm like, oh, man, I didn't make my bed today. Well, I'll make it tomorrow. Like, what? No, you can start again.

This second is a fresh start. Get up and make the bed. Oh, I didn't do the dishes after dinner. Crap. Well, I'll make sure I do the dishes after every meal tomorrow. Tomorrow's a fresh start. I'll clean the kitchen tomorrow. No, that's nuts.

We do it right now. Right now. This is a fresh start. We can screw up and we don't have to reset. It's not a video game where we have to go back to the beginning and start all over again. I don't know why we have that mentality, but I had that mentality for so long. And my new rule is every second of my life is a fresh start. Rule number seven, this is a good one.

This is a good one. And I love this rule. Again, just started doing this a few years ago. I was working with a therapist. and I was working with the life coach, and I realized I was not following this rule. So my rule is, don't waste energy on things you can't control. I'm a passionate person. I get really excited about things, but I also get very upset about things.

So whether it's politics or just some crazy thing that I get worked up about, I used to spend so much brainpower and fall into this sort of toxic funnel and this cycle of thinking and talking and just obsessing about things that I couldn't control anyways. One of those things is male circumcision. So after my son was born, I was like, why do we cut the foreskin off? And I did research and I'm like, wait a minute. There's no reason for this. And I was like, how is this even legal?

How are we mutilating babies' bodies? And I got so worked up about it. And I was talking about it constantly and researching it constantly. And I was like, I got to fight for this to make this illegal. And the truth is, first of all, it's none of my business, what parents do with their children's bodies. And second of all, there's nothing I could do to change it. So why am I getting worked up? Why am I letting this control me and bring me down?

And it's the same with politics. If I'm not going to do anything about it, why am I getting worked up about it? Why am I getting worked up about the news? Yesterday I went to visit my stepdad in a hospital. They had a new patient in the bed beside him. And we have a lot of shortages right now in our medical industry. Like our medical system is so messed up here in Canada. And the guy was like, I'm cold.

And I said, oh, I'll get you a blanket. So I went to the nurse's station. And she said, oh, the hospital doesn't have any blankets right now. We have a shortage on blankets. So this man who's sick and dying in the hospital couldn't have a blanket. I just about lost my mind. I was ranting. I was upset.

I was pacing. I went and found a bunch of bed covers for him. I put him in the warmer for him. I took like I literally went back in the nurse station. I'm warming these pads for him. I'm covering him with pads. And I and I and I left the hospital that day and I fumed about the fact that they didn't have blankets for hours. It wrecked my night. It's all I thought about. But I'm not doing anything. I can do nothing about this. I cannot waste my energy on things I can't control. And this is a hard rule for me to follow, but it's a really important one because I get so worked up and so negative that it ruins other aspects of my life. And it ruins my day. And it brings me in a really toxic negative state.

So it's a rule that I'm starting. I'm trying. God, I'm still mad about the blankets. But I'm trying to focus on that and realize just how really important it is to my overall happiness. rule number eight oh this is a good one all right and i know a lot of people find this terrifying but do what you love and the money will follow do what you love and the money will follow i'm not suggesting that you quit your job that you hate and go off and start a business i don't know painting cats nails i just threw that out of i have no idea what i'm talking about but you know

what i mean i mean i'm not suggesting that you quit your day job to do a hobby but what i am saying is don't discount your passion and your hobby because you think you can't earn money doing it. I cannot tell you how many people in my life. I have a group. I have a course called Organizing Experts and a group of these amazing women and men who want to be professional organizers. And almost every single one of them will say, I would love to do this, but I don't know how to make money doing it. And I don't see how I would make money doing it, even though I love it.

And I say to them, why don't you just do it on the weekend for fun? Why are you not just doing this for fun? Why does everything have to be about money? Why are you basing your extracurricular activities or even your side business on, well, this isn't going to make me tons of money, so why would I bother? You're going to bother because you love it. And what I have found time and time again is if you focus on doing things you actually love and you're passionate about and you make those a priority in your life, not because about the money, not because you might earn money one day, but because you genuinely love it and it fulfills you and it gives you purpose and it makes you

happy. The money will follow. I promise you it will. Rule number nine is also a new rule in my life. The last few years, something that I remind myself of all the time to really focus, Like listen, Cass, listen, comparison is the thief of joy. And as somebody who does social media for a living, which is still awkward for me to say, I, a few years ago, the home it was coming out on Instagram and all of these incredible organizers posting these beautiful photos. And I'm like, I suck in comparison. Like, this is ridiculous.

On YouTube, looking at Catherine from Do It on a Dime, we started at the same time. I actually started before her. She is crushing me. She is lapping me. And looking at other people doing these incredible things, I wasn't feeling inspired by it. I was feeling bad about myself and I was comparing myself to them and I can't. I don't. I do not compare to them. And all the joy I had in my business was gone. I look at other people's homes. I'd go to visit them and they'd have these gorgeous mansions and I would literally come home and hate my house. Hate it. Look at other women who are working out and looking fantastic. and looking younger and gorgeous and I'm like, ugh, I hate myself. What's wrong with me? Why can't I have that? And I was living this really negative life. Comparison is the thief of joy.

So now I don't compare myself because the truth is it's all relative. And meeting Catherine from Do It on a Dime, she was like, oh, Cass, you have all these courses and you have books and you're doing all these things. And all I have is my YouTube channel. She was comparing herself to me, which is bong-ga-d-d-dunks crazy. And my really good friend has this big, beautiful mansion. But the truth is she's living paycheck to paycheck. And we got together and she was like, I'm so envious of your life that you don't have to worry about money and you can go on trips and you can take time off.

And I'm so envious that you aren't stressed about money. And I'm like, what do you tell? I'm so envious if you're a gorgeous mansion. She's also comparing herself to me, stealing her joy, comparison is the thief of joy we don't know other people we don't know their circumstances and we can never compare ourselves to other people we got to stay in our lane and a really great way to make sure that we're not falling into this toxic look what they have look what i don't have is a gratitude journal just keep a gratitude journal it's just like a regular piece of paper if you want to besides your bed

and write down things that you are grateful for in your life because when you compare yourself to others, you're always going to find ways that you fall short. And last but not least, I love this rule. It's really my dad's rule, but show me your friends and I'll show you your future. That's not how he worded it. My father worded it as a kid. If you swim in a sewer, you're going to smell like crap, except he said the S word. And he said this to me all the time. Who you surround yourself with, they affect you they they influence you i love this quote by um jim rhone he said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with spend time with people who inspire you who who inspire you to be better to do better surround yourself with people you want to be like take a really good look at the

people in your life, the ones that you spend the most time with. Are they negative? Are they always complaining? Are they toxic? Are they doing bad things? Are you surrounding yourself with people who are bringing you down instead of pulling you up? And I had to take a really hard look at my own life and remember my dad's sewer analogy and realize that a ton of people that I was spending a lot of time with really were negative, constantly complaining about their spouse and their life and what they didn't have not doing a whole lot to better themselves. And I was kind of falling into the same trap. You can't help it.

It's human nature. You adapt to the people you are around. Show me your friends and I'll show you your future. I want you to take a good look at the five closest people you spend most of your time with. Are they dragging you down or are they lifting you up? Thank you guys so much for listening to today's podcast. It was different. It was unique.

I wanted to share my rules that changed my life. And I don't always follow these exactly, but I try to remember them. And I didn't even know I had them. These were like sort of unwritten rules that I've now written down. And I recommend you grab a piece of paper and do the same thing. Think about your own life and the rules that you have or the rules you want to have. So you can have that happy, meaningful, successful, fulfilled life that you're craving. Thanks so much for listening and I'll see you guys next time.