Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - A Breakdown of How To Keep House While Drowning | Clutterbug Podcast # 156

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

If you are tired of the constant cycle of cleaning and tidying your home, just for it to get messy again overnight...you are not alone. Housework can seem like a never-ending, horrible burden. Maybe you are struggling to stay on top and have lost the motivation to keep trying. It's time for a new approach.  KC Davis' book "How to Keep House while Drowning" can help. Her gentle approach to cleaning and organizing is a breath of fresh air. In today's podcast, I break down my favourite parts of the book. Want your own copy? Get yours here: https://amzn.to/3ZH4DC7 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I love sharing books with you, especially ones that I can give you like the best of the best parts so that you don't have to read the whole thing. But I got to admit, this one I kind of recommend you read for yourself. Hey, Clutterbugs, welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. Today we're going to talk about a new book. I guess it's not new. It's actually a few years old. I'm just late to the party. It's called How to Keep House While Drowning by Casey Davis.

it's a gentle approach to cleaning and organizing. And I have seen so many people recommending this book. I just never got around to read it. Like, I think because I've read so many organizing books and it's been the same thing over and over again, I'm kind of like I've been reluctant to read anything new. But I have to be honest, I'm super impressed with this book. So I'm going to give you the best information that I personally found, like my biggest takeaways from this book. But I do recommend that you give it a read or a listen if it has

an audiobook. Honestly, I don't even know if it does, but it's great. It's short. It's clear. It's concise. It really puts into words a lot of the things that I've felt through my own journey from super slob to having a tidy home, but I wasn't able to really articulate. I'm not great at articulating my thoughts. And this is written by a trained therapist. She's simplified it she's making it something that is absorbed into your mind which is something I am not great at like literally the first page of this book talks about being and feeling lazy and this struck me because I've always referred to myself as a lazy person and I know it's negative self-talk and I know that that's detrimental and I don't want to call myself lazy but I honestly didn't have another way to

describe how I felt about myself because the truth is I don't love cleaning my house and I don't want to do stuff that doesn't really matter if that makes it it makes sense like I want to get the biggest results for the least amount of action so there are some things like folding my clothes that I'm like why no one's going to see me in this why would I do it why would I decant my crackers Why would I do all these little things that it feels like you're supposed to be doing as an organized person or even like a person who's managing their home well? And yet all of those things, I'm just like, nah, they're not important to me. And I guess I've always like equivalated, is that a word, equated. I see the same sameness in the fact that that's because I'm lazy.

So it didn't matter like what my house was really messy or now, even though my house. house is under control, I have a tendency to refer to myself as a really lazy person. And the word lazy is both the word that I use to describe myself the most often and also the word that I would hate to be called by somebody else. Like I have a fear of other people thinking that I'm lazy. This, maybe you can relate to this. The idea that someone else would think that I was lazy. lazy cripples me. It's like a four-letter word that makes me feel worse than any other label

someone can give me. And yet, this is a label that I have continuously given myself, probably from childhood. So this book really touched me. And I'm going to read you like a quick portion of this book that really, really struck me. I work as a therapist and I've seen hundreds of clients who struggle with issues. I'm convinced now more than ever of one simple truth. They are not lazy. In fact, I do not think that laziness exists. What does exist? Executive function disorder.

Procrastination. Feeling overwhelmed. Perfectionism, trauma, a motivation, chronic pain, energy fatigue, depression, lack of skills, lack of support, and differing priorities. She also goes on to say that being labeled as lazy cements this as a moral failure, which I feel with all of my being. I always feel like when I'm not doing things that I think I should be doing because I just don't feel like it and I'm telling myself that I'm lazy, it feels like being lazy is equivalent of being a bad person.

Like it's like a moral sin. Like it makes you a bad human being to be lazy. So I love that her whole concept of this book is basically shifting care tasks, she calls them. So like cleaning, decluttering, organizing, even self-care, shifting them from a moral obligation to something else, to something that we do because it's good for us. So looking at cleaning your house, doing the dishes, all of that. If you stop looking that as like, I'm a failure, there's something wrong with me. I'm a bad person because I don't have a clean house.

Everything can change. And this really touched me because this is kind of the secret that worked for me too. And if you listen to my podcast or watch my videos, I can't articulate it the way that she can articulate it. But basically this book is teaching you that caring for your home, It's not an act of self-loathing, but self-compassion. And for a long time, I cleaned my house because I had to, because it was disgusting, because what's wrong with me, because I shamed myself into doing it.

It was like, oh, get off your lazy butt and do the dishes and put on your big girl pants and put away the laundry and you're a bad mother if you don't do this and you're a bad wife if you don't make dinner and you're a bad human being if you have a dirty house. house like these are the things I told myself whether subconsciously or not this is basically the narrative that I was telling myself but I switched that narrative years ago I actively am trying to switch it and and it's like a fake it till you make it thing but instead it's like I am doing my dishes because I deserve to wake up to a clean kitchen tomorrow I feel better when my bathroom is tidy and therefore I'm tidying it up real quick because I

deserve it. And guess what? I don't fold my clothes. I don't. I throw them in a basket and that's okay. That doesn't make me lazy. It means that my priority is to have the clothes away and have time to do other things that make me happy over taking the time to fold because if I had to fold, I'd have to bully myself into folding and therefore I'd feel bad about myself if I did it, but more than likely, I wouldn't do it at all. So I love that this book is really keying in to those core change and that core shift that actually helped me, but she does it way better. Like she explains it way better. So I want to share one line in this book that really, really like shook me to my core. Casey writes, when I viewed getting my life together as a way of trying to atone for the sin of falling apart, I stayed stuck in a shape.

shame-fueled cycle of performance, perfection, and failure. The core message, you don't serve your home, your home serves you. I can relate to this so much because I was a monumental screw-up as a teen and all the way into my early 20s. I did so many bad things. Bad things, I mean, I don't want to get into it. I'm ashamed of all the things I did and I don't want to be judged, but drug addiction, criminal activity, I left home at 15. I was a total piece of garbage and I did so many horrible things. And I'm, I feel like I'm overcompensating and I will continue to overcompensate for the

rest of my life to try to prove to myself that I'm not a bad person. Even though I did those things like 25 years ago, I think I'm. my core what this really meant for me is that I just wanted to be a good person, a really good human being. And I defined being a good human being, obviously as, you know, the stuff like don't hurt people, be kind to others, but also a good adult, a good human had their life under control. They had their finances under control. They ate healthy. They exercise. They had their definitely had their house under control. They were good parents. They didn't drive around in a minivan. filled with Starbucks and chicken nuggets on the floor.

And I don't know why I kind of roped that all in to being a good person. Like, why is the way the state of my home, how does that make me a good human being? I don't know, but somewhere in my brain, it became, yeah, a moral obligation. And when I wasn't doing those things right, when I was spending too much money or I was eating junk food or I wasn't. I wasn't doing the dishes. I was having a moral failure. I was lazy. It was a bad person.

And it is that core message that kind of steals your motivation. Because when you see failure in that regard as a moral failure, when you see the fact that you're not putting away your laundry is like there's something wrong with you and you're a bad person, it's a cycle that continues to just never end. with you trying really hard to, it's like perfection, right? I'm going to do it all. I got this. I'm going to be amazing.

I'm going to do all these things. I'm going to be a good person. And then when you fail, it's like, well, I'm a piece of crap. And then you have no motivation because you hate yourself. And why are we letting our chores define us like that and make us feel that way? So that's really the core message in this book that home tasks and care tasks are morally neutral. You're not a failure because you can't keep up with your laundry. Laundry is morally neutral. And the other thing that is a really key takeaway from that is

be kind to your future self. So I'm not doing the laundry because I have to because if I don't am a bad person, I'm putting away the laundry because tomorrow Cass deserves to not have to have a back load of laundry. I'm emptying the dishwasher and reloading it with the dirty dishes because my future self deserves this act of kindness, so I'm not another day behind on dishes. It isn't because I'm not doing it so I'm not a piece of crap. I'm doing it because I deserve it and it's a gift to myself. And it's this exact mindset shift. And I had to fake it till I make it.

I had to remind myself of this all the time because sometimes we have thoughts we're not aware of. But when we're mindful of the thoughts and we're kind of catching them and then telling ourselves this, whether we believe it or not, it starts to feel true. When I started personally seeing my home like this, I started actually wanting to do these things, like actually having the motivation to get up and do it as opposed to hating myself for not doing it and still not getting up. It would be really kind to myself to tidy up a little bit before bed. What a lovely thing to say to yourself because here's the honest truth. Being me, being me,

to yourself, shaming yourself, it never works. No one has ever shamed themselves into better mental health. No one has ever shamed themselves into feeling better about themselves. That's boncadongs. And it really is when we feel better about ourselves, when we feel confident in ourselves, when we feel like doing these things equates to self-love, we're way more likely and more motivated to actually do those things. Okay, I want to read you something from page 14 that I also found. I don't know, I just really love this. You know I'm a self-help junkie.

I am. I read all the self-help books. I'm obsessed. But this chapter is titled for all the self-help rejects. Marie Kondo says to try fold your underwear. The admiral swears making your bed will change your life. And Rachel Hollis thinks the key to success is washing your face and believe in yourself. Capsule wardrobes, rainbow-colored organization, bullet journals. How many times have we

tried? How many did we stick with? If you're like me, the answer is probably none. And the truth is I stuck with none of those two. I mean, I read all those self-help books and stuck with none of those things. And so I love that she really acknowledged, especially like she's a therapist, so I feel like, I don't know, I can, she has more insight. Everyone is different and the things that motivate people are really different for every single person. Obviously, Rachel Hollis just has to wash her face and magically she thinks she's the bomb.com. Maybe making your bed every morning does set the tone for your day. I want to make my bed every day.

I don't always do it and I definitely am not going to fold my underwear into three little tiny trifolds. I want to be those people but I don't and I got to stop comparing myself to. to those people. I'm certainly not the home edit. I don't have the capacity to do that. And that is never going to be me. And so if we're reading self-help books that are making us feel bad about ourselves, we just need to understand that everybody has something different that motivates them. And obviously those people have found the secret for them. And for us, we need to keep looking. So maybe yours is you get motivated when you watch other people clean on YouTube or lighting a candle or like cranking some, I don't know, get a rap dance music or inviting a friend over. We all have unique things that work for us.

Keep looking for yours. For me, you know that my nighttime cleaning routine, I had to set alarms. That was such a life-changing thing for me. and I'm going to talk about more about that in a little bit, but that was really the catalyst for me when I started. My house was a disaster. But when I set a timer and I did 15 minutes every night consistently, no matter what, I did not go to bed until I did that,

my house wasn't perfect at the end of 15 minutes. It was still a wreck. But something changed. I developed like a new habit and I started chipping away and then slowly adding more and adding more. It was that. It was the catalyst. Like if I had to pick one thing that changed my life, it was that. And there is something for you, too.

Everyone is different. Know your thing. I'm going to share more of my favorite parts of how to keep house while drowning, but first I have to thank today's podcast sponsor, Earth Freeze. Have you ever wondered why laundry detergent comes in massive plastic jugs? I used to buy the tidepods. that container was like gigantic and then you have to throw it in the trash or recycle it after. Earth Breeze laundry detergent has eco sheets. They look like drier sheets, but they're not.

They dissolve 100% in a wash cycle, hot or cold. It's so easy. No measuring. Just toss one in. I love that I'm being environmentally conscientious and good without effort. And it smells amazing, you guys. It smells so good. And it's less expensive. The packaging is compact. It's degradable, it's plastic freeze, why I feel good. It's like one little tiny thing. I just recycle the package. I am thrilled with Earth Breeze. Right now, you can try Earth Breeze. You can get 40% off. Go to earthbreeze.com slash clutterbug to get started. That's earthbreeze.com forward slash clutterbug for 40% off. Another thing I found really fascinating in this book was Case see's five things method.

Basically what she's saying is there's only five things that you're going to find in any room. You're going to find trash, dishes, laundry, things that have a place that aren't in their place or things that don't have a place at all. And this was so fascinating. Yeah, there's really only five things that you're going to find that you have to like take care of in any space. and I love that she talks about taking them, taking care of them in this order.

So if you're feeling really overwhelmed, you just have to stick with number one. Trash. If you have the capacity to do the other one, do your dishes. Third, do your laundry. Fourth, things that have a place but aren't in their place, which means tidy up. And when you're managing these and you feel on top and you're like, I have an extra five minutes to do something in this room, what am I going to do? You take things that don't have a place and you make them. a place, which is probably the first place you'd look for it or, I don't know, like create a home,

grab a basket. We don't have to overthink this. But the point is when we break our entire house down into five things, trash, dishes, laundry, things that aren't in their place and things that need a place, man, it feels so much more doable. It takes a big, huge, insane thing and it simplifies it. And sometimes that's seriously all we need. The whole time I was reading this book, and it is a really fast read. That's what I have to say. I read this whole thing today in just a few hours. So it's a short book, and it's really laid out perfect.

I have ADHD, so each chapter's like two pages long. It's a quick read, but I was nodding my head the whole time. Like, I'm like, yes, she's so right. She's so right. So is this a book you'd want to buy? Honestly, probably not. Is this a book that you could read from the library? Absolutely.

Or get the Kindle version, which is way cheaper. really good option because I don't know if this is something you're going to go back and reference over and over again but I do think that this is going to make you just be kinder to yourself have some grace just love yourself a little more and maybe reinforce that mindset that we've talked about a lot which is coming like looking at housework from a place of self-love and telling yourself you deserve it and stopping with the negative self-talk and the the resentment that your family doesn't help, but all those other things we tell ourselves

when it comes to keeping our home, that negativity is what makes us unmotivated to do it. If you're looking for another perspective, this book has it. But I also love when she talks about the importance of decluttering and letting things go. This is one, I want to read you from page 22.

She says, what to do with donations? Listen to me. Picture my hands. cupping your face and my eyes looking directly into yours, take a deep breath. Head these words. It's okay, friend. Throw it away. The clothes you've been meaning to donate that have been sitting there for six months, throw them away. The items you've been planning to sell that have been making your room unfunctional for months, throw them away. I'm not anti-donation. I'm pro-realism and pro-reelism. And pro- accessibility. Today is about getting back to functioning. If you have not done it yet, it's not

going to get done. Throw it away. It's okay. Really. Man, I love that. I put a sticky note on that chapter and I folded it down and I highlighted what to do with donations because this is something that I've been saying for so long and it's constantly met with like people kind of giving me a look. like, why wouldn't you just do it? Do it right. Why are you so lazy? Why are you so wasteful? Why would you throw that away? Guess what? Because sometimes I don't have the capacity. And because I am more important. I am being selfish because right now I can't handle any more to-dos. I need less to-dos, which is why I'm decluttering. And so, yes, sometimes I throw it out. Sometimes I throw trash bags and trash bags and trash bags. And I know I could probably just put it in

the back of the van, but I won't drop it off at the donation center. They'll sit in the back of my van and that thought stops me from decluttering in the first place sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes. And I give myself permission to just throw it away and I love that she's doing the same thing. I was like cheering. It was like, woo, that was my favorite part. Honestly, that was probably, I had a lot of favorite parts. But I loved that because sometimes we just need to hear it from multiple people to really believe that that's true. Just throw it away. And I want to close this podcast with Casey talking about her closing duties.

So she said that if you've ever worked in retail, if you ever worked in like the service industry, you know that there's like opening things that you do when you open the store or the restaurant and closing things that you do before. So you like clean up, you know you mop the floors, you vacuum. She said she really looks at our. house is having closing duties too. So she's being kind to her tomorrow's self. This is basically her nighttime cleaning routine. And I have to agree with her because like I said, this is the one thing. I did this in the midst of complete chaos, total disorganization, nothing in my home functioning.

I started doing a nighttime cleaning routine, a nighttime tidy up routine and it was 15. minutes and it was just like cleaning the kitchen maybe getting the dishes making sure the dishes were done and wiping the counters and that was it and that's what i would do and then i slowly added things on and i got kind of in control of the dishes and then i started doing like maybe i'd spot mop if the kids had spilled on the floor i'd tidy up the living room but it was never more than 15 maybe 20 minutes and kc says hers is 30 minutes every night before bed she does her closing duties of her house she closes her house and it has changed her life and i have to agree that this is it if you do nothing else i've said this i think i've said this in every podcast you're probably like your eyes are glazing

over but maybe you need to hear from someone else a nighttime cleaning routine i don't care if it's five minutes 10 minutes 15 minutes 20 minutes or do like kc and do a whole half an hour i don't know if that's laying out your clothes i personally think that's a waste but you do you You, whatever it is that's going to make tomorrow easier, whatever you can do every night that's a gift to tomorrow's you. I want you to start doing that before bed. This will have an impact. It will have a ripple effect that you cannot understand until you've done this and you do this consistently. No matter what, close your home every night before bed.

Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate your time and I'll see you guys next time.