Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - After 45 Years: What Nobody Tells You About Adult Friendships (Stop Doing This) | Clutterbug Episode #333

Episode Date: July 12, 2026

Hey Clutterbugs! Making friends as an adult is hard, especially when you have ADHD, struggle with loneliness, or feel like you have people in your life but still feel alone. In this episode, I'm breaking down the 5 types of friendships you actually need for your mental health: the Cheerleader, the Challenger, the Collaborator, the Comfort Friend, and the Connector. I'm getting really vulnerable today about how badly I suck at making and maintaining friendships, why ADHD makes it even harder (object permanence, rejection sensitivity, social battery—all of it), and how growing up in an emotionally unavailable home taught me to ghost people who actually like me. If you've ever felt like friendships are exhausting work, or you're not sure what type of friend you're missing, this episode is for you. And just like your closet, your relationships need an audit. Which of the 5 types are you missing? Which one are you for the people you love? And how do you actually make new friends as a grown-up without it feeling awkward and terrible? 💬 Tell me in the comments: Which of the 5 types of friends are you missing? And which type of friend are you? 🎙️ Want to be featured on Talk to Cas? Go to clutterbug.com/talktocas and record your question! 📱 Take the Clutterbug Quiz: clutterbug.com/quiz Want to get organized? Learn 6-Step The Clutterbug Method: https://clutterbug.thinkific.com/courses/Clutterbug-Method You can find more Clutterbug content here: Main YouTube Channel: @Clutterbug Website: http://www.clutterbug.me TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/ #ADHD #LifeHacks #Home #CleaningMotivation #DeclutterWithMe #HomeOrganization #Friendship #Relationships #HomeHacks #Mel Robbins Podcast #Decluttering #Clutterbug #Podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're going in a little bit of a weird direction today. I need you to stay with me. Your friendships can sometimes look a lot like the clothing in your closet. Like they're stuffed. It feels like you have a ton of options and yet you never feel like you have anything to wear. And you might feel like you have a lot of people in your life. And yet you still feel so alone. And just like sometimes we have to clear out and declutter our closet, we have to take an audit and clear out our friendships as well. We have to see what we actually have. What are we working with? Can we make an outfit out of this? Or can we make like real connections with our friendships? So that's what we're doing today. We're pairing organization with friendships

in this weird yet wonderful podcast. Just like always, you are not allowed to just listen or watch this podcast. I want you to get up and take action and make yourself proud. Make your life easier. Make tomorrow you have a little bit more time and a little bit more peace. So because we're talking about clearing out your friend closet, let's clear out your physical closet today too. Don't take everything out and pile out on your bed. That is not what we're doing. I want you to touch everything though. Start with the clothing on the left. Take the hanger out and ask yourself for this one piece of shirt or sweater or whatever it is, do I like this? Do I wear it? Would I buy it again? Like if I didn't own this and it was at the store, would I spend money on this? If the answer to all

of those questions is no, honestly, trust your gut. If you're like, this is hideous. Why is it there? Just throw it on the floor and then move to the next thing. If the answer is, yeah, I like this. Put it back. Grab the next one. This is what decluttering. looks like. That way you can stop at the end of this podcast and you're no further behind. You don't have a mess to clean up except for the things on the floor that you're going to put in a bag and drop off at the donation center. So today we're doing a friendship declutter. And I know that sounds harsh, but I need you to bear with me. We're not doing anything dramatic. What we're going to do is talk about the five type of friendships you actually have to have, how to evaluate them, how to know,

what you have and what you're missing. The reality is your mental health is connected to relationships. So if you're struggling with burnout or clutter or just lack of motivation, it could be that your friendships are part of the problem. The first thing I want to talk about is how badly I suck at making friends. I, this is the thing I'm really, really, really bad at. I'm bad at a lot of things, but I don't do well with emotional connection. I'm just going to be real. I'm going to say it. This is a safe place. I generally don't like people. I just really struggle to find people I enjoy being around. And I struggle to find people who enjoy being around me. So, uh, am I lonely? I mean, sometimes I'm lonely. Sometimes I feel like I need more friends because

I'm supposed to have more friends. But even the incredible relationships that I do have, I forget to remember them a lot. I feel so bad to say that. Like, it's work. They're all work. I have alarms in my phone that's like, text Jessica or why don't you set up a date with Al and Mel. It's bad. I can go months without talking to my friends, which I'm embarrassed to admit. But there are times where I'm like, man, I wish there was someone I could call right now and just vent to and be vulnerable. I think that's a void in my life. And I want to work on it. And just like everything else takes practice.

I think making friends and maintaining friendships takes practice too. And I got to take the training wheels off. This is a weird podcast to talk about. But I do think it's important. especially to have these five types of friends that I'm going to talk about, identifying who is providing this type of emotional support in your life or who isn't? And how can we make sure that we are just getting what we need? That's what this is about. I don't want to blame all my problems on ADHD, but the reality is having ADHD does make maintaining friendships and making friends

harder. The first thing for me is object permanence. So I am incredibly forgetful. If I don't see people, I forget they exist. Even sometimes my own children. Seriously. This is embarrassing to say, but if I'm in something and excited, I don't even remember to remember. Oh, it's so embarrassing to say. There are times where I forget to text people, happy birthday. I forget to text people back and then I'm so embarrassed that I didn't text them back for months and months and months that I just ghost them till the end of time. It's bad. Forgetting people is a real issue. The other thing that I really struggle with is impulsivity and this weird thing that ADHDers do where they want to feel like they're connecting with someone. So if someone's telling me a story, I will interrupt and say,

oh my God, I did that too. And it can seem like I'm being self-centered. Maybe I am a little self-centered, but also people can feel like I, again, am bringing it all about me and I'm not really listening and connecting. So that's a struggle. I know rejection sensitivity is a huge issue. I don't know if I have this, probably because I've had so much rejection. Maybe I'm used to it. I've had like exposure therapy to rejection. But this is definitely also a thing. So the person, perception that people don't like you. Maybe that is. I don't, we're not treating this as a therapy session, but I'm not sure if I have that or not, but I do often think people can't stand me. Probably have it. I probably have it. So I'm just never going to speak to them again. Even though

they didn't say they didn't like me, it's obvious. But is it? Girls got issues. And last but certainly not least is just my social battery. Like I get so over stimulated, especially in social situations. I think deep down inside I'm an extrovert, but also people exhaust me. So maybe I'm an introvert. I don't know. But if I'm around people for too long, I just shut down and I need to be alone. And when I say around people, that even means my own immediate family. Sometimes I just need to detox. So this, all of these things combined, mean making and maintaining friendships is really hard for me. I think another reason that I really struggle to maintain friendships is I grew up in a really emotionally unavailable home. So people weren't emotional. I didn't get hugs and

kisses as a kid. I certainly didn't get anyone talking about loving feelings. So when I do meet someone or I do have someone in my life who starts to show interest, who starts to be like, ooh, I really like you. You want to hang out more? Or they text like, want to go to the movies? I'm like, something is wrong with that person. They are acting like they like me. They're obviously, they have issues. And I ghost them. So there's that. There's that. And ADHD or you know, emotional baggage aside, clutter can also be something. that really interferes with relationships because you're not inviting people over. You're filled with shame and you're kind of hiding in your home, which can make connecting with people even harder.

It can turn into a real vicious cycle because the more you're isolating, the more isolated you feel. And then your mental health declines, which means you don't feel like going out or doing anything. And you can fall into this cycle of just needing connection and also resisting connection, which means you need more connection, which means you even resist it more. And let's break that cycle today. Not to put everybody in a box, right, and categorize everyone, but let's categorize everyone. Just like there are different organizing styles, I think there are different friendships, too. You might be a person with a lot of acquaintances. There's a lot of people you know and that you can casually hang out with, but you don't want to call them like when stuff gets real,

You know, you don't want to talk about the hard stuff with them. They're like surface friends. Or you do have some of those deep connection friends, the ones that you just, you know, pour your heart out to each other. But maybe that's not the person you just want to go to the mall with. You don't want it to be a big thing. You just want someone to tell you if the shoes are nice or not. You know what I'm saying? Different people serve different types of connection emotionally and physically. physically in your life. So let's talk about the different types of friends. And there are five, which is cool, different types of people that really are giving you something that you need in your life. And let's start with the cheerleader. The cheerleader is that person who's like your hype person, you know? They're always like, you're amazing and here's why you're so great. They lift you up when you need that little boost. They show up in your life as the person who's reminding you of

all the ways that you are awesome. And you can't have everybody in your life be all of these five things for yourself. Sometimes I want my husband to be my cheerleader and also all the other things, but it doesn't work like that. That's exhausting for them and it's not helpful for you. So finding a friend who is just a cheerleader in your life and knowing that that's what their role is is so important. having someone who you know sees the best in you and holds that mirror up so you can see the best in yourself too. This could be your mom. I know people whose mom, Joe's mom thinks Joe has rainbows out his butt. I mean, does it have to be a friend? Joe's mom is the biggest cheerleader, especially for her baby boy. Doesn't matter what he does.

He's the greatest person who was ever, ever walked this earth. And she will tell him that every freaking minute she can. So here's how you know if you don't have a cheerleader in your life. When something amazing happens to you, you feel like you have no one to text or call about it. Or you downplay your achievements or successes or things you're excited about because you don't want to sound like you're bragging. You don't have a safe place. or a person to brag too. That's how you know that you're really missing a cheerleader in your life.

And these don't have to be like big achievements. You can just text, you know, I finally put away that load of laundry that's been sitting on my sofa. And your cheerleader friend will text back, you are a goddess, you know, like hyping you up for even the smallest things. This isn't a friend who's like toxic positivity. This is just a friend who like really loves you loudly and proudly whenever you need it. So we're going to move on to the next friend, which is the challenger. But before I really get into that, I want you to listen to all of these and think of a few different things. One, can you identify a friendship that you're really missing?

I mean, that's important. You know, when we talk about all the different ones, are you like, oh, I wish I had. that or I need that. But also, can you identify what type of friend you are? Because just as important it is, you know, to have friends, it's also really important to be a friend and a good friend and to provide support for the people that you love. Okay, so back to the Challenger. The Challenger can also be called maybe like the truth teller friend. Just like your cheerleader was like, yay, you put away the laundry, good for you, because you texted them. If you text, did the same thing to the challenger, they might say, great, did you start your second load yet?

You know? It's like they're making sure you don't stay stuck. They are pushing you forward. They are challenging you to be the best version of yourself. And sometimes that doesn't always, it isn't always great, but it is always needed. A challenger in your life, their role is to push you a little bit, maybe out of your comfort zone, because they recognize the difference between happy and just comfortable. You know, you're just like going through the motions and everything's okay. But they want more for you. They see potential in you and they are pushing you to achieve it because they know at the end of the day, that's what's going to make you really proud of yourself. And that's really what you deserve. I have a challenger in my life. I am

married to him, okay? He's a great guy. But he pushes me. I could be like, I did this amazing thing. And he's like, yes, that's so cool, but you still got to finish this thing over here. Sometimes that's not great, but I can tell you this. I wouldn't be anywhere near as happy and as successful as I am if I didn't have him as my challenger. If I didn't have him like subtly pushing and expecting more out of me every day. Coming from a place of love, coming from a place of like, he's like, I know you can do this. Even when I'm like, there is no way I can do this. He's like, what the heck are you talking about? Just get up and get it done. I've seen you do it before. Stop making excuses. Do the thing. And I need that in my life. And you may need that too. You may need that too.

The Challenger isn't always sunshine and rainbows, my friends, but it's still an important relationship we have to have. There are lots of times in my life where I don't not want to call my challenger. There are times where I want to call my cheerleader because I want to feel sorry for myself. And I want someone to be like, it's okay that you didn't do that or it's okay. You're great and you're amazing. There are times where it's okay that we trip and fall in the mud a little bit and we just want to be told we're still pretty. You know what I'm saying? We don't want to get up and run. We want to just

take a little break and we just need that, you know, yeah. But there are also times where we don't need to just be told how great we are and we need to be told to get off our butt and go. So again, that's the whole point of having these different friendships or relationships and being able to identify and name what they are and know when we need to reach out for them for different emotional needs. So how do you know if you need a challenger in your life? The red flag is you just keep being stuck. You keep making the same mistakes over and over and you keep feeling like, yeah, there's no one pushing you or dragging you to be the best version of yourself. Everyone's just going through the motions and so are you. The reality is a relationship with your challenger might seem like you want to maybe hang up on them a lot.

Or you're like, I'm done with this person because they've told you a truth you didn't want to hear. But then the more you think about it, like the next day usually, you're like, oh, man, they were probably right. But they loved you enough to tell you the truth. They loved you enough to risk you being upset with them because they know it's what you had to hear. The next friendship is the collaborator. This is kind of like your partner in crime. It's the person you just like to hang out with. The one you just, it's like body doubling.

They're going shopping with them or you just like even sitting in a room reading with them. They're just the person who you enjoy spending time with. It doesn't have to get deep. You don't have to have these philosophical conversations. They don't have to challenge you. And they don't have to kiss your butt and tell you how great you are. They just need to be the person sitting or standing by your side. This might be the person that you, you know, face time while you're putting away laundry or cleaning the house.

This is the person that you do stuff with. It could be even when like my kids were young, the friends that you go to the park with with your kids, the ones like those play date friends, the people you just live your life with them beside you. The red flag that you need a collaborator in your life is that you are kind of doing things alone, these everyday things. You don't have someone that you're like, yay, let's go grocery shopping with. Or when you do reach out to friends and you're thinking, oh, I want to do something, it has to be a, I'm going to go for coffee. Let's like plan a game night or something. It's not just your calling like, hey, let's go for a walk around the block. You don't have that person to just live life beside. That's a red flag. And this is a friendship I am missing. I used to have this with my best friend. She was like my ride or die. And I would just talk to.

her all day long while I was just living my life. And I probably was on the phone with her for four hours every single day. We did everything together, but then we moved away from each other. And that distance of having to drive an hour each way to see each other was enough that we kind of stopped collaborating, I guess. And I know if I ever accidentally murdered someone, I'm calling her to bury the body to this day until the day I die. But we're not, spending time together anymore on that everyday thing. This is a void that I really deeply feel in my life. So even though I've lost my friend, my best friend, Jess, as that collaborator friend, the one that I hang out with for everything, that doesn't mean she's gone for my life.

She just kind of transitioned into another type of friend that we really need, which is the comforter, not like the blanket comforter, like the friend that provides comfort. The one you're just so comfortable with that you can maybe not see for six months or even a year. But when you get back together, it's like no time has passed. You can just be yourself. There is no masking with this friend. You are just in your PJ's messy hair, no makeup, loving each other. A real red flag that you don't have this friendship in your life is that every social interaction feels like effort. It feels like it's an event, you know, and you're masking up to go to it. Like, it requires planning and you on your best behavior and you making

sure you're not saying anything inappropriate. You can't just be yourself, which means you're feeling kind of exhausted because you don't have this friend that you're so comfortable with that there are zero expectations for how you show up or how they show up. That's a red flag. I'm just going to tell you a little bit about my comfort friend. Sometimes I get text messages of body parts, things in toilets, where it's just like, does this look right? And it, you know, I'm not a doctor, but she's comfortable enough with me to ask these type of things. And also, I'm comfortable enough with her. Okay? She's the only person on earth that I am showing an ingrown hair in a maybe inappropriate spot to see if maybe it needs to be extracted,

only person on earth is my comfort friend. And last but not least, we have the connector. This is that friend that pulls you out of your comfort zone. They want to introduce you to new experiences and new people. They're like, let's go do this and let's go to this networking event and let's meet a bunch of People, we don't love the connector. No, maybe you do. But they're the one. They have lots of acquaintances and they want to introduce you to all of them. I'm joking about the connector, but I have some amazing connectors in my life.

And I'm so freaking grateful for them because, like, Sean is one example. My friend Sean, he is always like, do you know who you should talk to? And he knows everybody. And he's like, Cass, I'm going to set up a. meeting with this and this. And every time we go to an event together, he always does these dinner parties where he invites a bunch of random people I've never met. And then we like go around and do roundtables anyways. And also he connected me with my friend Chris who connected me. Chris is also a connector who connected me with my my like book agent, literary agent, who connected me with a publisher.

It's just it's important to have these people in your life because they see something in you. and they want to bridge that gap, either and connect you with other people or connect you with new opportunities, they're how you grow. And you need a connector in your life. The red flag that you don't have a connector in your life is that your life feels kind of small, maybe even mundane. You can't even remember the last time you met someone new or tried something new. You're kind of stuck in your comfort zone because you don't have someone to like pull you out and try new things. So those are the five types of friendships. And the truth is no one person can be all five. They just can't. And I'm not saying you have to have five best friends. That's also not what this is about.

It's about realizing that these are emotional needs that we have to have filled. And it's important that we have people in our lives who can do that for us. And you might have someone who is maybe filling a few of those needs, but it is impossible to have someone doing them all, especially trying to make your spouse be that person is a recipe for disaster. So the goal is to have five types of friendships in your life. Before we go further, I'm doing a quick check-in. How's the decluttering going of your bedroom closet? it. If you've stalled right now, find five things to leave. Five of your least favorite shirts. You know the shirt that's maybe a little stained or it makes your arms feel flappy like bat wings. Or maybe it's pants that you're not sure if they fit you. If you're not sure if they fit you,

you don't like them and haven't worn them. They're leaving. Five things like do that push. You deserve this. You are worth it. It is hard. But tomorrow you will thank you. Keep digging. Keep finding things to leave. And let's jump back into the five types of friends. Which one are you missing? Maybe you're missing a few of them. Again, cheerleader, challenger, collaborator, comfort friend, and the connector. Is there one or more that feels like a void? That you need to find a person who can really fulfill that role. And if you have all five of them, amazing. Good for you. I'm feeling kind of jealous, but good for you. But let's also think about what type of friend you are back. Like which one of these are you to the people in your life who you

love? Are you the cheerleader? Are you the challenger? Are you the collaborator? Are you the comfort for them? Or are you the connector? And when thinking about the people in your life and and do you have all of them? Is there one person that you are leaning on for more than one of these things? And is it too many? Like I know for myself, I'm looking at this and I'm like, well, Joe's definitely the challenger, but he's also kind of my collaborator, right? And I do things with. And sometimes I really lean on him for comfort. And he's not really connecting, but am I still putting too much pressure on my spouse to fulfill three out of five of those roles? And does that make it feel heavy sometimes for him and for me? Probably. And how can we then

seek out new relationships that can kind of pick up the pieces where other people might be dropping them? All right. In my life, I feel like I have lots of cheerleaders. I feel like YouTube is a cheer filled with my cheerleader friends, for sure. But also my best friend Jess is a cheerleader. My sister is such a cheerleader. My friend Mel, my biggest cheerleader. I have so many people who are just like filled with positive affirmation for me. That is definitely not a void that I have. Joe, my challenger, again, always there.

Sometimes too challenging, but I definitely don't need that. The collaborator is where I have a real void. I do not have a person in my life to just sit around and paint my nails. with or go grocery shopping with or that person who we just hang out with for no other reason than just to spend time together doing everyday things. I definitely have my comfort friend. But you can have more than one comfort friend. Maybe she's sick of seeing ingrown hair. I've never shown her ingrown hair. I'm kidding. But I do put a lot of pressure on her to comfort me all the time. And am I only reaching out to her in times of need? That is a possible.

And last but not least, connectors. I have a ton of connectors in my life. Am I connecting other people enough, though? I think I'm not being a great connector, and that's probably something I should work on. Actually, when I think about what kind of friend I am, I'm not even sure. I think sometimes I show up for different people in different ways. I know I tend to challenge certain friends, and I tend to be a cheerleader for others. I think I'm like a chameleon friend, and it really depends on the relationship. I'm a challenger a lot of the times, too. I don't know what type of friend I am. That's something I need to work on. All right. Now let's talk about the elephant in the room, which is making new friends is so hard, especially as an adult. It's not like when you were a

kid, you're all crammed in the same classroom, you know, and you have no choice. But making friends as a grown-up is so ridiculously hard and it's uncomfortable and I don't want to do it. So how do we do it? How do we recognize, first of all, that there are relationships that we're missing that we need for our own mental health? And then how do we take active steps to fill that void? Hopefully you're not missing all of these five. I am surprised I have a little bit more than I needed.

But I think just this, just talking to you made me realize. that, man, I really need a collaborator in my life. I need, this is like something. I was never able to really like articulate it or even understand what type of relationship I was missing until right now in this podcast. Thank you for the free therapy session. But yeah, I need that person I'm just body doubling with throughout the day or I can call to just do these little mundane tasks. And I hope you've had the same revelation. That's the whole point of this podcast is to look at everyday things a little bit differently, to get to know ourselves on a deeper level and have a little bit more self-awareness so that we can improve our lives and be happier and be the best

versions of us. So if you have identified an area in friendships that you're lacking, one of these five, let's talk about real ways that we can make new friends. We're going to turn this into like a fun challenge. I'm going to challenge you to take some of these action steps depending on what type of friendship you think you're missing. But before we get into that, please know that I am terrible at making friends. So you are probably better. Please in the comments below, if you have been able to make friends as a grown up, share your tips and tricks. Not just with me, but everyone listening in the comments or everyone watching the video, it's so helpful. As a community, let's help each other succeed. So I'm going to share some challenges with you, but I know you've got tips and tricks.

Please don't say pickleball though. Maybe it's pickleball. Put it in the comments. Let's move on. All right, we're going to start with the connector. If you feel like you are missing a connector in your life, here's your challenge. You must say yes to the next thing you've been invited to. You must say yes, even if you don't want to. So an acquaintance, even a stranger, you know, is like, hey, you should come out for the blabity bloop. Yes, you are going, you are showing up, you're going to that dinner, you're going to that networking event, you're volunteering, it's a yes. And if you don't have anyone in your life who is invited, you to new things. Here's something crazy pants you could do. Go on LinkedIn. Join groups on LinkedIn.

Reach out to people on like like them and follow them. Someone on there. Maybe it's no old co-worker or an old neighbor. They will invite you to something, even if it's some terrible multi-level marketing thing where they're going to try to sell you essential oils and get them to join their group. Say yes. People on LinkedIn are connectors. I don't know why, but that's what they do. They're just, they're out there connecting people. All right, if you are missing a comfort friend, here's a challenge for you. I want you to reach out to someone you've lost touch with. Someone, maybe you went to high school with them, maybe it's an old coworker, maybe it's a friend you used to have and you just kind of ghosted each other. Reach out to them. I want to say give them a phone call, but please don't call me

without texting first. How about first text and say, hey, I miss you, can we have a phone call and then call, you know? So they're prepared and they're not thinking you're just like coming out of nowhere. Yeah, you never know. I think everyone gets into this, like, they get so busy with their own life, they forget to remember other people and they're going to appreciate you reaching out. Okay, let's talk about collaborator. This is who I need in my life. In order, to find a collaborator, you have to go out and join stuff. You got to go and like join that class and join that club, start volunteering. Put yourself out there with people who are doing things that you want to do. Maybe try out for the like community theater. I don't know. This is uncomfortable.

I'm even thinking about this. I'm like, oh, but guess what I love doing? I love gardening. This is like my new thing. I'm in my wannabe homesteader era. Maybe I can join my community horticultural society where they like plant flowers in parks or whatever. Maybe. I'm probably not doing that, but I should. I definitely should. Let's talk about the challenger. Important, but also they're the worst.

How do we find the challenger? You know why it's so hard? Because people avoid confrontation. And if you don't have this in your life and you're meeting a new friend, a new person isn't going to be like, here's all the way. you suck, you know, because that's weird. So maybe this is more like a therapist situation. Like maybe this is where you need to reach out and hire a coach or a therapist who is going to just be honest with you. Or maybe this is your sister, you know, or your mother-in-law, someone who like likes you, but they don't like like you like you all the time. You know what I mean? Or maybe there's a

mentorship program. Maybe you can, I feel like I have so many challengers at my new part-time job, you know, I became a firefighter, and they're all like, why are you doing it that way? What to wrap that hose properly? They're, they challenge me every day. Yeah, mentorship. They're out there. They're out there. We're not going to always like it, but we need them. And maybe we can kind of go into this with baby steps. I mean, maybe. there is somebody you just want to be an accountability buddy for. Like maybe there's somebody who, even on the internet, you're like, can we, I need someone to go to the gym with in my town and you start going to the gym with someone and then they're

like, come on, you can lift more weights than that. Like maybe it slowly builds into a challenger relationship, but it starts out just as accountability buddies. And last but not least, the cheerleader. I just have to take a second to show you out. My whole community, the Clutterbug community, are the most positive and incredible cheerleaders I've ever come in contact with. You are my cheerleader, but I also see you being cheerleaders for each other, especially in our groups, in our Facebook groups, in our community, in the comments on YouTube, you are cheering each other on.

You are just like so positive and I'm so grateful for you. I guess the whole point of this podcast is that friendships are hard, but the best things in life are hard and take work. And we need this. So we need to put in the effort. And it kind of sucks. And I'm not saying making new friends sucks. Maintaining is a lot of work. But man, is it worth it?

And the best thing you can do is be the first thing. friend you wish you had to other people. That is what I hope you take from this. This is how you can show up. You can show up as someone's cheerleader or their comfort or their companion. You can be the best friend version that you can be for someone else. Okay. I hope you're feeling like, yay, I learned something about myself. And also, I hope you decluttered a bunch of stuff. immediately put it in a bag and take it away. I don't care if you throw it in the trash, that's fine. Or donate, but take it to the car, take it outside, get it out so you don't second guess and you have progress and only progress. And then do me a favor in the comments below and let me know what type of friendship you are kind of missing.

Which one of these is something that you want to actively pursue and make a new friend to fill this role. and let me know what type of friend you are for the other people in your life. Okay, are you ready for a talk to cast? This is my favorite part of the whole podcast. I have to take a second to thank today's podcast sponsor, Cozy Earth. You guys know I switched to Cozy Earth sheets years ago, and I'm still, to this day, obsessed. In fact, I just got a new pillow, and I'm like, I need more Cozy Earth pillowcases.

And I could order just the pillowcases from the website, which I'm super excited about because they're so soft and their temperature regulating. I get hot at night. And no matter how many times I wash them, I swear they become better and better. If you want to give cozy Earth a try, just for my listeners, they are offering an exclusive 20% off. They don't just have sheets. They have lots of bedding and clothing, pajamas, towels, many things. It feels like luxury without the luxury prices. So go to cozy earth.com slash clutterbug or go to cozy earth.com and use the code clutterbug to save 20% at checkout.

Let's start with Carla. Hi, Cass. My name's Carla. And I wanted to say thank you so much for all the organizing tips and podcast content and videos and everything that you make because I've been binging your material for a couple years now. I found out about you from a co-worker who is like my work mom. And I have been grateful to her and you ever since she turned me on to Clutterbug. And as a recent newly, not newly married, but a recently made mom of two wife and mom, my son is three months old and my daughter is two and a half years old. And I'm someone with ADHD who married someone else with ADHD. So let's just say that your content has really helped us figure things out in our apartment.

And I really appreciate you. As far as a thing that I'm doing shitty or a thing I just realized is completely functionless, that I'm very proud of myself for realizing and acting on. Glass vases for flowers are so dumb. They are so, so dumb. They're impossible to clean. They take up space, and you don't need more than one. And realizing I don't need more than one is pretty game-changing.

I also had this really nice glass pitcher that had a cover. And then I lost the cover where it broke or something. And I realized it has a handle, which means it's a much more effective receptacle for flowers and water than a vase that doesn't have a handle. You know, like especially large vases that are hard to fit in the sink and fill with water. And so I would like to recommend from having tried this, throw out your vases. They're stupid, but also like a glass water pitcher with a handle is a fantastic vase. I'm so, I'm looking at a set like a fresh bouquet of flowers that I just bought from Stop and Shop that I, the first set of like the first bouquet of flowers that I bought since on purpose realizing I could throw out my vases and just use this beautiful, nice, you know, from amazing savings,

cheap glass vase glass water pitcher and it looks so nice and I can carry it and move it to whatever table I want and not spill okay that was a long rant about vases thank you so much for all you do and I love kind of like what you've taught me which is rethinking in part it's just rethinking the basic use of an item like you don't have to use something the exact way that it's supposed to be used for just because it's advertised or built that way. Half the time, you know, half the time I use like office supply organizers in my drawers in my kitchen. Like there's no reason to stick with the label on something, so to speak. I love getting inventive about the stuff in my house in order to throw more things out. And it's

nice to listen to your stuff and feel like I'm not the only one. Thanks. I love that, Carla. Okay, listen, I'm going to tell you where my brain went. First of all, my brain went. That is brilliant. I should just get rid of my stupid vases. I only have three. But like when I have flowers, yeah, I use them, but otherwise never. And I should use my pictures because I have a bunch of pictures that I use in this summer. But then here's where my brain went. It was like, ooh, but I don't want to put water in it that used to have flowers. And then I'm like, Cass, you have a bowl that you use for vomit and popcorn. And that doesn't seem to bother you.

So why are you not going to put the flowers in the water pitcher? That's really smart. Okay? You might be a genius. And I'm going to do that. And last but not least, we have Emily. Hi, Cass. I'm Emily from Australia.

I've been listening for quite a few years now. And I am in the stage of young kids. I've got four kids under seven years old, including a newborn who can probably be in right now. With your sort of experience with young kids and all the busyness that comes with that, do you have any tips for decluttering, organizing, maintaining with little kids especially and then I guess teaching habits as they get a bit older. I mean, now that you've got kids that are a little bit older, do you have any reflections

that you could share that would be helpful? Thank you. Oh, can I just say my one sad ovary is aching with those baby grunts? It's like, maybe you get... No, quiet! You're done with babies. Oh, I love babies. I do have advice. One is children need dramatically less toys than you think.

In fact, they thrive with less toys. More toys equals more overwhelm and less creativity. I don't know why. It's bonkers. But the other thing that I absolutely recommend, I kind of stumbled upon while running a daycare. I had nine children. nine in my care and I was not an organized person. So I did the sorted toy bin method where

there was like a bin for blocks and one for dress up and one for play food and one for action figures. And we started implementing the one bin at a time rule at first. So they could only play with one bin and until they picked that back up, then they couldn't get out another bin. But that only lasted about a week and then we had the two bin at a time rule and then three bin at a time rule. And what we were really doing was slowly introducing the ability to pick up your toys and put them in the appropriate compartment without it feeling overwhelming. Because the worst thing is just like free for all and then they dump the bins all together and everything's mixed up. That's the opposite of organization. We want to be able to teach children that they can play with whatever

they want, but it's easier to find it the next time when we put things away in this sorted system. So having big bins with clear categories with labels, but start out by limiting the amount of toys that they can access at once until they create habits of picking up when they're done. Trust me, this is faster than you think. And before you know it, you will never be picking up after your kids, they'll be naturally tidying up after themselves. All right. So be brutally honest. Was comparing your closet to your friendships, like ridiculous, like clearing out your friendships or identifying what you had? It might be a stretch. But I will say, I learned something in this podcast with you today. I have more self-awareness.

And I know what I'm really craving when it comes to friendships. And yeah, maybe even ways that I need to declutter a little bit of friendships, too, that aren't fulfilling what I need. Overall, I'm so glad you hung out with me today. I hope you're feeling proud of yourself. And I can't wait to read all of your comments. And if you want to be part of Talk to Cass, if you have a question or you just want to share something cool, go to my website at clutterbug.com slash. talk to Cass and record a message today. Thank you guys so much for hanging out and I'll see you next week.