Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - Are You Suffering From Suburban Sadness? | Clutterbug Podcast # 147

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

It's not a mid-life crisis and it's not necessarily depression; "Suburban Sadness" is a feeling of discontentment with the mundane and never-ending trudge of adulting. The solution starts with one simple step.  #happier #selfhelp #clutter You can find more Clutterbug content here: Website: http://www.clutterbug.me YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clutterbug TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/   #clutterbug #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let's talk about suburban sadness. And you don't have to live in suburbia to feel this. I feel like suburban sadness is kind of the term for this discontent we feel, this restlessness that we feel as adults. And we can't quite put our finger on why. Hey, clutterbugs. Welcome back to the clutterbug podcast. Today I want to talk about I don't even know. I just want to talk about this sadness, this suburban sadness that a lot of moms and dads, but today we're specifically talking about women, whether you have children or not, let's be honest, feel as we get older.

And a lot of people feel this their whole lives that can feel this feeling of, I don't know, discontent is the word, but unfulfilled. Like there's got to be something more, this feeling like something. is missing from our lives. And I think it's sort of amplified the older we get because there's less and less big changes that we have coming up in the future. So when we are in our teens, we look forward to graduating, maybe going to college, graduating, college, getting a new career, finding love, getting married, having children, buying our first home. They have, we have all of these sort of big firsts. And then before we know it, we're in our 30s, maybe 40s, and what's next?

Is it that yearly vacation that we're looking forward to? Or like going to Disney or going on a little vacation? Or are we looking forward to retirement? Like suddenly we're in this place where it's not about working towards the next thing because there isn't some big life-changing moment right around the corner that can sort of distract us. We're in this lull. This this mundane, daily repetitive lull of life. And I call this, I guess, suburban sadness. We wanted this ideal picture perfect family and life. We're striving towards something and then when we get it, whether it's picture perfect or not, but when we get to this age, it's very much dishes, laundry, running kids around, going to work, getting home from work, making dinner, grocery shopping,

rinse and repeat, day in and day out. And whether we have friends and we're doing cool things on the weekends or not, and a lot of us are not, living this, like, exciting life that I think we all thought maybe we would have. And even if we didn't want an exciting life, we wanted this relaxing life, this rinse and repeat mundaneness, I feel like, isn't natural for us. We're wild creatures at heart. I loved the book Untamed by Glennon Doyle because she just has such an amazing way with words. I read this book a few years ago and I felt heard. something that I couldn't even put my finger on but this restlessness this need for like I feel like a caged animal trapped and most of the time it's fine but then there are days where I just

I feel like I'm going out of my skin and there's something wrong and I can't put my finger on what it is and that book really put the words to what I was lacking when it comes to this feeling of being like a caged animal. And a big part of suburban sadness comes from the fact that we are now at a place where we're not saving for these big next things like our first car, our first home, you know, our first baby, we have more of an income, more of a disposable income, less of a big wow thing to get. we're being really sucked in and suffocated by this product promise.

So to get that little fix, to get that feeling, to get that little burst of happy that we had when we were looking to acquire these big things. Now we don't have these big things that we need in our lives. We are buying the product and investing in the promise that it gives us. So we're at the store and we're like, you know, these Lulu lemon, pants are going to make my butt look fab. We're not buying the pants. We're buying the promise of of having a, you know, feeling better in our body in these clothing. Or we're not buying the product, which is like new bakeware or fancy kitchen gadgets. We're buying the promise. We're investing

in the promise that we're going to be better at cooking or it's going to make our life easier. It's going to save us time. It's going to give us that glimpse of happiness. And what's really happening is all of these little products are filling our home and now we're drowning in these broken promises. We have this mundane day in, day out, trudgery of life. And on top of that, our homes are now so much work to maintain. We're drowning in all of these promises that that are uncapped broken promises and stuff that we've purchased to fill this void, to fill this hole, to fill this discontent. And we get it for a second, right? We go to the store. It's like, oh, it feels good. Retail therapy. And then it adds to the suffocation. It creates more of a

cage in our lives. And we really are drowning in this suburban sadness. And when I talk to people and I'm going to their home. So I have a few families right now that I'm helping to declutter and organize. And everybody uses the same words, the same message when they talk about their space. And it's suffocation, isolation, drowning. I can't catch my breath. I feel overwhelmed. I feel crushed by my things.

And so I know for a fact that a big part of this. feeling trapped, feeling unhappy, unmotivated, just uninspired by our lives, is because we've filled it with things. And happiness does not come from stuff. And the more stuff we have, the more work we're adding to our plate, the more mundane day in and day out crap do we now have to deal with because we have to manage more inventory. We have more. We have to dig through piles of clothes to find something to wear every day. It's hard to put away laundry. We have to look for things every day in the sea of stuff that is filling our home. We can't just quickly dust and vacuum. We have to move stuff first. We have so much crap in our house,

so much things that we've purchased because we've invested in the promise that it's going to make us happier, feel better, feel less suffocated when in fact it's suffocating us more. And so the suburban sadness isn't going to be solved just by decluttering. That's, let's get real about that. Having less stuff is the first step, though, because it's going to free you up. It's going to free up your time and your mental space. It's going to reduce stress so that you can find the real cure to suburban sadness, to this feeling of what's next. What am I here for? What is my purpose? Right? That's the real issue here. And we need to find a passion, which leads to a purpose to. To be a purpose to really feel fulfilled and we can't do that in a house that is so stuffed that our days and minutes

and seconds are filled with managing our life it shouldn't take you all day to get through your day if this makes sense it shouldn't be a battle every day to just keep your head above water and if you feel like it is, if you feel like you can never get ahead, the first step is getting rid of those products that are just broken promises. And know that a huge part of this suburban sadness and discontent comes from the pressure from stores. And it comes from the pressure of social media and looking online because, man, And whether it's influencers or your friends and family posting online or stores and advertisements, right, it's really all making us believe that other people's lives are better than ours.

We're looking online and we're like, oh, man, they're going on better vacations, they're going to parties, they're having a more exciting life, they look happier, they look more fulfilled, they have better stuff, they're driving better cars, they have better homes, they're. They have better furniture. They have better clothing. And it's all leading to this. It's all amplifying this discontent feeling that we have, this feeling like we haven't made it yet,

that we haven't got there. We don't have enough. And it's making us want to buy our way to that feeling. Or buy our way out of that feeling. And it's really unfortunate. And I am so guilty of this. Like there's, I feel like there's very few people on the planet that don't fall into this.

And I, it's like the suburban sadness, I don't live in suburbia. I'm like, I'm just on the outskirts of suburbia. It doesn't matter where you live. It doesn't matter if you live in the country. It doesn't matter if you have a hobby firm. We can still all suffer from this feeling of being trapped, this feeling of what's next, this feeling of like, what is my purpose, what am I here for? This is not enough.

This is my day right now is not enough for me. And if you feel like you're on a hamster wheel and you're just running to try to keep up, to try to be a good enough mother, to be a good daughter, to be a good wife, to be a good friend, to be a good employee, to be a good housekeeper. And it's exhausting. And you feel like you can never measure up. And things are, you're just feeling so much pressure. I promise you. I know I'm telling you a big part of the issue is the fact that your home has too much stuff.

It is. And it's not the whole picture. It's not the whole solution, but it's a place to start. Because your house is a foundation for your entire life. And if it's stealing your free time, because you have to now manage a ton of stuff that is not serving you. It's not serving you today. It's making you unhappy. It's stealing time that you could have to find your passion, your real passion, your real purpose. And I'm not suggesting you give up on your house and you're like, well, none of this is important. Because we cannot deny that our environment affects our mood.

And so the more stuff, the more broken promises, the more everywhere we look, it's just, ugh, chaos, the more chaotic we're going to feel, the more stressed we're going to feel, the more of a failure we're going to feel. And the solution isn't to work harder on your space to clean more, to organize more, to buy more organizing solutions or shelving or get a bigger house. the solution is to say enough is enough. I want to simplify my home so that I can focus on finding what really matters. And that is the thing that brings me real joy. Finding my real purpose in life, my real passion in life. And maybe that's just spending more quality time with our family, quality time with our friends.

Maybe it's reading more. Maybe it is traveling more. I don't know what it is for you because I don't honestly know what it is for me. I just know that I need to start with a clean slate. I need to find contentment outside of the daily mundane stuff, but that doesn't mean letting all of that go and just living in chaos. I need to simplify my life. I need to say no to the stuff that isn't making me happy,

no to the commitments, no to buying the products, no to the broken promises. And yes to being wild. Yes to like doing things that are spontaneous and that make me happy. I need to get control of my home so that I free up time for the fun. and I need to do it for me.

I need to wake up to a bedroom that doesn't feel like chaotic. I need to be able to find clothes that I want to put on my body that make me feel good about myself right away. I need to get ready in the morning with makeup and not root around with a bunch of products that I know don't look good on me, that aren't my skin tone, that I don't really know how to use, that don't give me the results that I want. I need to clear out all of that. So I can get ready in five minutes so I can move on to a little.

a day so I can quickly open the fridge and it's filled with healthy options that are that are easy to find that I don't have things in my in my pantry in my fridge and in my kitchen that aren't serving me today so that things are streamlined so I can get to work so I can easily plan my day doing things that make me feel proud and fulfilled I can time block my day so I'm actually like doing the crappy work too right that I don't really we want to do, but it's like I only have to do it for an hour, or I only have to do this for 10 minutes, or I only have to do this for 20 minutes, so I can move on. So I'm always having the space in my life, in my time, in my day to do the things that really matter. So I don't feel stuck

all the time. And sometimes at night, I like to just escape and watch some Netflix and some movies and shows, but I feel really guilty doing that when I have a to-do list that hasn't been tackled. And it starts with less. It starts with filling bags and boxes. And now is the time of year. You guys, listen to me. I hope you're listening to this and knowing, like, get rid of all those old extra

coats and jackets and donate them to a homeless shelter or a women's shelter because now is the time. Go through your kids' toys. If they've outgrown it, if it's baby toys, if they're not playing with it, let it go, donate it. And some parent is going to be so grateful when they're Christmas shopping at the thrift store because that's what they can afford to find your gently used toys or clothing that they can give as gifts. Now is the time of year to give back to others and give to yourself by letting go of the excess. This is about freeing you off.

up physically and mentally and spiritually and giving to others at the same time. Enough is enough. We're going to dig our way out of the suburban sadness by digging our way out of all of the products that we've bought because we've invested in the promise and that promise was broken and now we are suffocating. We're going to fill the bags and boxes. We're going to let ourselves go right now, right now, while listening to this. I hope you are, if you're listening to this while you clean your home, if you're listening to

this, I hope you are saying what can leave my house right now? I'm worth it. I deserve this. And I'm going to fill bags and boxes. And I'm going to declutter my calendar too. Are the things you've committed to that you don't really want to do that aren't going to light you up, that aren't going to make you feel inspired and passionate and you're doing it because you're people pleasing. It's about boundaries and it's okay to say no. I'm going to declutter this. I'm going to simplify my life because I deserve it because I need to find what really matters. And I can't do that living in chaos. I can't do that when I'm distracted by all of this stuff all around. And I certainly can't do that while I'm being lied to by social media and led to believe that everyone else's

life is better. Social media is a lie. And we're going to declutter some of that too. Thank you so much for joining me today on this podcast. I'm feeling it. I wanted to talk about this with you today because I'm feeling it extra right now. And I don't know if it's because it's the change of season. It's getting colder outside. And that always makes me feel a little bit more trapped, I guess, a little bit more suffocated in my life. Or if it's because I don't have a big next thing to look forward to you. I went through a period of like, I was filming television shows and pilots and I just started this podcast and I just started this new thing. And I was writing another book and there was always something new and cool to look forward to. And that was great.

But now I'm at a different chapter of my life and I felt as exciting as all of that was. I want to live a bit smaller. I want to have a little bit less pressure and less excitement in my life. I want to find a passion that's less overwhelming. I want to find things that bring me joy and excitement without having to trade my family time. And so as a rollercoastery as life is, it doesn't always have to be extreme excitement. We can find that feeling of being wild, even if it's just a date night with my husband,

just going out to dinner with him and being free and being wild with him. So I hope you're listening to this and know that you're not, alone if you are feeling the suburban sadness. And the first step is just is having the self-respect and the love for yourself to say, I deserve a home first and foremost, a foundation for my life that isn't overwhelming, that isn't overstuffed, that isn't filled with all these things. And I made mistakes and I shouldn't have bought it. And that's okay because I love myself enough to say, I forgive you and it's time to let it go. I'm rambling now because I'm feeling real passionate about this, you guys.

I really, really am. And I filled bags this week. I went through and I decluttered up 20 things before the holidays and back of my van is bursting right now. And the garage has even more that doesn't even fit in the van. I have to go and take several trips to the thrift store. And I feel so good. I feel so good. I feel so good when I have less and I let go.

So thank you so much for listening. I hope you're feeling inspired to fill a bag in a box today because you deserve it. I'll see you guys next time.