Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - Break Down your Roadblock for a Happier Life | Clutterbug Podcast # 83

Episode Date: February 21, 2020

In this podcast, I talk about the number one roadblock in the way of your happiness and a quick and easy way to smash it down. Let's live a simpler and happier life together.  This podcast was sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Visit http://betterhelp.com/clutterbug to learn more and save 10% off your first month.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome back to the Clutterbug Podcast. Today we're talking about roadblocks to happiness, what those are, what they look like, and how you can overcome them. Hey, Clutterbugs, thanks so much for tuning in. Today we're talking about happiness. More about happiness. It's like this elusive thing. For me, anyways, not to say I'm not happy.

I'm definitely happy and I feel happiness. but I always feel like I'm striving for more. Like there has to be something that will make me happy. Or when I get this, then I'll be happy. When I make this much money, or I get this house, or I fix this problem in my work, or this problem in my relationship, then I'll be happy. I'll be happy when I go on that vacation. I'll be happy when I lose weight.

So it's not to say that I'm not happy now, but I'm always looking for the next sort of happiness fix. And then when I achieve it, I immediately am looking again for the next one. And this is the biggest roadblock, not only for my own happiness, but everyone that I talk to. We have this sort of human nature to always crave more, to crave the next thing. And not to say that this is a bad thing. Definitely having the drive for more is what propels us forward in life. It's what drives our success, but it also can fuel our unhappiness. And so that's something that I'm really struggling with now.

That's my focus for 2020. I keep saying to simplify my life. But what I really mean by that is to break down those roadblocks that I've built in the way of my happiness. And for me, those roadblocks look a lot like me getting in my own way and saying like, yeah things are great now but if only you had this then things would be better and this is a vicious cycle and what i've unfortunately discovered is there is no top of the mountain and i keep saying this and maybe it's because my mountain's so small but i have a feeling that even the most successful people even the people who are wealthy even the most beautiful people in the world are struggling with this same

thing. I used to say that when my business earned enough that I could stop doing daycare, I would be so happy. And immediately when that happened, like the first month where it was like, woohoo, it was like, well, now I have to earn enough for this. You know, I didn't even stop to smell the roses. I don't even stop to enjoy what I have. And I want you to take a look at your own life because I have so many friends and family who expressed to me when we talk about this, talk about happiness that, you know, the things that they'll be happy when they're out of debt, or they'll be happy when they lose weight, or they'd be happy if they had X, Y, Z. And when you really talk to them, five years ago, everything they have now was their dream. So I want you to

look at your own life and think back five, ten years ago. What did you want then? What did you think then would make you happy? Was it having a family? Was it getting married? was it buying your first home was it having a new car was it going on that vacation that you've already gone on really look back and realize that you're living your dream right now and you're probably listening to this and saying oh yeah it's easy for you to say but i have this problem and this problem and all of these things that are struggling financially or um my business isn't taking off or my relationship isn't great or everyone has something everyone has so many issues in life that they're struggling with privately. But take a look at how far you've come and realize that always

looking to tomorrow is stopping you from enjoying the things that you have today. It isn't that I'm suggesting that you stop striving for more or that you're just going to be cool with mediocrity. Like, yeah, let's just be lazy bums together or whatever. But there is something to be said for saying, I'm good. I'm good right now. No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. good I'm good with the job I have. I like the house that I'm in even though it's small or dated or, you know, isn't the way I want or, you know, I'm happy with the amount of money that I make right now. I wish I could have more. Sometimes it doesn't seem like enough, but I'm really happy and grateful for where I am right now in my life. And this act of being grateful and having gratitude for what we have,

It doesn't negate our feelings of wanting more. It doesn't stop us from moving forward and having more success. If anything, I think it fuels that through positivity. And so for the first time in my life, I'm really starting to look at life as everything that I want is a trade of my time and my effort. I used to dream of a big beautiful house. It literally, I was obsessed. I looked at houses every day online. Things were for sale.

I was constantly like Googling these beautiful homes all around looking into building. I was looking on Pinterest. I had Pinterest boards and I was like liking things on Instagram and thinking, oh, I wish I had that. And now I'm realizing to have that, I'm definitely going to have to work hard or I'm going to have to save more. it's a trade of my time. I have to give a lot of myself in order to get that. Is it really worth it? Will it really increase my happiness so much that it's worth all the things that's going to cost me? Plus it's going to be more to clean and all of that. But even taking that aside, every new thing I want to buy, I've traded my time that I've worked to get that money.

Every new thing I want to do is trading my time. It's taking away from that meantime. Every time I say yes to someone who's like, oh, let's have a phone call and talk about a potential collab or, hey, let's go out for coffee, even though I don't really like that person. You know what I mean? I used to be such a people pleaser. I'd be like, oh, yes, yes, yes.

Or someone would ask me for something a favor. And I would feel so bad saying no. but but i'm starting to like be like no no i can't my time is precious to me even if i'm sitting on the couch playing fortnight with my kids i would rather be doing that and then therefore that is more important to me so it's okay to have boundaries in your life it's okay to simplify your life it's okay to say no and it's okay to say no to yourself too when you're telling yourself oh my gosh i i I want a new car, my car, you know, it's getting older. It's okay to be like, nope, I got to work like five extra hours a week for that or I have to give up this in order to pay for that.

And it's a no. You're fine with what you have right now. And it's time to start focusing on being happy with that. I've been feeling so small, watch the clock ticking off the wall. But tonight I'd like to take a second to thank BetterHelp Online Counseling for sponsoring this podcast. Getting counseling was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Honestly, it was like an investment in my mental health, in my sanity,

and it wasn't that I was even depressed. I just felt like something was interfering with my happiness. Like there was a roadblock in my life. BetterHelp has over 3,000 U.S. licensed therapists all across 50 states. And there's more than just one way to get help. You can chat through text, chat, phone, video. It's completely up to you, and you can do it from the comfort of your own home. The best part is that it's really an affordable option.

And all of you listening, all my Clutterbug podcast listeners, get 10% off your first month using the discount code Clutterbug. So why not get started today? Check out BetterHelp.com slash clutterbug to learn more. Okay, so let's talk about how. Let's talk about how we actually break down those roadblocks that we've created that are stopping us from being happy. And I think it starts with a gratitude journal and don't groan. Do not groan at me and roll your eyes. The first time somebody told me to write a gratitude journal, I was like, yeah, it sounds like a great idea. I had a counselor and I had a life coach because I thought getting both of these things would drastically improve my life. You know, know what I mean? I was like, oh, I feel so stuck. I feel like confused. I feel unhappy. I want other people to tell me exactly what to do to get happier. And both of them separately were like, yo, you're just super ungrateful for what you have. And I was like, but listen, I don't have all the things I want to have out of life. And they were like, but listen, you have more than you ever

thought you would. So let's stop and be happy with what you have right now. And so I rolled my eyes and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to get a gratitude journal. And I never did it. I didn't do it. I didn't see the real value in that. And eventually I just kept hearing. It was like the universe was shouting in my face. Every time I would look at a video on YouTube or I was like scrolling through Facebook, I would see this.

Be grateful. Be grateful. Have gratitude. Do a gratitude journal. So finally, I literally had a little notebook and I tried before bed just. writing things I was grateful for a couple of times. I'm not even going to be honest. I don't even do this every day. But holy crap, man, it's like practicing this even occasionally. It's the practice of it that truly started changing my mindset. And even the first time I did it, I felt like a little

bit happier. I felt like, oh, yeah, I am, I am pretty lucky. But doing this over and over again replaced those thoughts that I had of of just desiring the next thing, craving, you know, that next accomplishment or focusing on all the things that I didn't have. And it changed it so subtly that I didn't even notice to really being happy and appreciating the things that I have now to the point where right now, I was just before I decided to do this podcast, I was in my bathroom. My 1979 bathroom was super, We always talk about redoing it. I was cleaning the mirror and I thought, man, this bathroom is fine, just the way it is. It would be $20,000 to redo it. My husband and I have talked about it a lot. And I mean, it's really old and I painted over the tile and it is not ideal. We've talked about it and I'm like, oh, I could spend money on that or I could take a couple of occasions with the kids. I would so rather take vacations with the kids than, you know, redo the room where we defecate in. You know what I'm saying? That's a terrible say. I'm just going to say it. There, I said it. But the truth is, man,

and I, is it the gratitude journal that has changed that? I don't know. It's like my priorities are shifting from materialistic things, thinking that that's going to make me happy into more like experiences and realizing too that the more I want, the harder I have to work for it. And I'm into a place right now where I don't want to work hard anymore. Maybe I'm getting old, but I really want to work less. I don't want to have to work really hard and hope when I'm 65, then I can enjoy it. I know that if I just settle for having less right now, I can work a little less right now. And I'm certainly not recommending that we all, you know, we're just living a van down by the river or whatever.

Just like, whoa, whatever, give up all material possessions or whatever. But there is something to be said for living a simpler life. not having the fancy new flat screen TV, not buying fancy new clothes. I recently lost 80 pounds and all of my clothes don't fit and I gave them all the way and I thought, oh man, I'm going to go and buy like all these new clothes and everything and I've been buying yoga pants and I have three t-shirts and I'm okay with that. Like is it the Twilight Zone? What's going on in this world right now? but I'm kind of winding down a little bit. I'm just trying to not focus so much on the material things.

And it's freaking awesome, you guys. I'm feeling so good about those choices. I think we have a lot of pressure from society and our peers and, oh gosh, just media to sort of buy that if we have this, then we're successful. if we treat ourselves to this, then, you know, then we know we've really made it or this will buy us happiness. And what money really is is just a transfer of our time and energy. And so everything we buy, we're just trading our effort and our energy and our time for it. And I don't want to trade that anymore. I just really don't.

And obviously we have to trade it for food and shelter and electricity. but all of that extra stuff, the truth is all of that extra stuff doesn't really increase my happiness. And so instead of my Amazon addiction with new books and things like that, I've been going to the library. You know what I mean? That's like five minutes of my time. I don't have to work to save that $5 on a book or whatever. Like it's just, it's a change in my mindset. And I really think it started with my gratitude journal.

So thank you very much to my life coach and my counselor, even though I didn't take your advice at first. I'm sort of taking it now. But for you listening, maybe you can relate, maybe you can't. Maybe you're still in a place where I was, even last year, I was really still stuck in that place where it's easy for other people to.