Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - Do you have CLUTTER Blindness? The Minimal Mom Explains! | Clutterbug Podcast # 151

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

Do you struggle with CLUTTER blindness? In today's podcast, YouTube Dawn from The Minimal Mom joins me as we talk about easy techniques to declutter your home today!  You can watch more Dawn on her Youtube channel here https://www.youtube.com/@TheMinimalMom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, clutterbugs, welcome back to the clutterbug podcast. I'm pretty geeked about today's episode because not only do we have the most inspiring decluttering expert that I've ever met, but she's also my friend. I want to welcome Don from the minimal mom. Dawn, I just read this. You reach over one million people every month on your YouTube channel, sharing practical tips and ideas to simplify and declutter. And you've been a minimalist now for seven years, over seven years. Hi and welcome. Hi, Cass, you were like my number one cheerleader. You are the best ever. And a million, wow, I don't like to look at those numbers because then I put a lot of pressure on myself to be like, oh, man, you better make sure the videos are really good if that many people are watching.

Your videos are always really good. You definitely. You definitely. I definitely have a knack for inspiring people. You are like, you are a motivational speaker. And I don't know if that's what you're intending to be, but that's what you are. You're inspiring and motivating millions of people to let go of the stuff that's overcomplicating their life. And I want to talk about something really strange today. But before I do that, I want you, maybe my listeners don't know you. Tell us how you got started. Yeah, well, I mean, I was just like everyone else, right? I was a mom with four kids aged four and under. And there was just so much stuff all of the time. And I was so tired of picking up the same toys and washing the same dishes and folding the same laundry. And I just thought there has to be like a different way to do this. And so I actually heard a podcast with Joshua Becker on it. He's a well-known minimalist. And he just one line changed my life. He said, did you know you don't have to have? all of this stuff. And I was like, no, Joshua, I didn't know that. I just thought I was doing what you're supposed to do. And you know, Cass, it was around that time, too, where you started seeing the signs like, good moms have messy kitchens and sticky floors. And so it was kind of this like cultural thing even that was just like hot mess mom, you know? And it was like, oh, okay, it's just what it's supposed to be like, right? But then like, why am I?

so miserable. And so over the course of that year after I heard that podcast, I just started decluttering. I kind of just looked at it like an experiment. I didn't tell my husband what I was doing. But I ended up getting rid of about 80% of our stuff because that's how far I had to go to find a house that was easy to maintain. Like I wanted to do other stuff. Like I didn't want to just clean my house and take care of the kids. Like I had like I liked, you know, building websites or doing graphic design. And so like I wanted to feel that I wanted to do it all. It was basically. And I really found that if I had my house highly simplified, I didn't feel like a loser as a mom, and I could keep it together and still do the other stuff that I'd hope to do to.

Yeah, we have, I mean, we have such a similar story. I was drowning in clutter as a mom too, running a home daycare. And it was Peter Walsh. I watched his show Clean Sweep, and he was getting rid of like truckloads full of stuff. I don't know why this never really dawned on me before. I'm trying to organize. I'm trying to stack. I'm trying to buy solutions. It never really dawned on me. No, like you have to let half of your stuff go minimum. Like get it out of your house and how life changing it was. My finances improved. My relationships improved. My happiness improved. My mood improved. I became a better mother. I started a business. Same as you. Yeah.

Like, yeah, no, it changed everything, right? I think that's why we're like, you're kind of like a motivational speaker now. I'm like, it's just like, I just want to tell you like, it's so good. Like, it's so good over here. Like, join us, right? And so that's why we do YouTube videos and courses because we're like, however we can like get into your mindset and be like, trust me, let the crap go. Your life is going to be so much better. Yeah.

And it is. And I think that's what I wanted to talk to you about today. I think this message now is being heard by a lot of people, and yet there's still a stumbling block when it comes to getting stuff out of the home. And I find that there's a lot of reasons we talk about it. We have a course together, shameless plug, take your house back. But we talk about some of those stumbling blocks and how hard it is and you have to build up your muscle. But I wanted to talk to you about something that I didn't even realize I noticed until last week. So this is like a fresh thing. I know we've all heard of clutter blindness, which is when you're in your home and you're

used to it looking messy and there's stacks of stuff piled on piles, you almost don't see it anymore. If that makes sense. It's like it becomes kind of invisible to you. And when I'm decluttering with clients, so last week I had a client and I went into their home, every single client says this to me. I've already gone through the stuff. We've already tried to declutter it. We've gotten rid of so much. And yet I walk into their home and I hold something up and I say, what about this? Do you like and use that? Always. It's, oh, no, that can go. So they've, they have decluttered. And yet they've missed hundreds, if not thousands of items right in plain slate that are easy for them to go. And for a long time I thought a big part of it was body doubling, which I do think is some of it. But I also think

there's decluttering blindness, which is they're looking at the whole pile on. Yeah. They're looking at the pile and they're searching for something that can go instead of picking up each individual item and asking the question, do I use this? Do I want this? Do I need to keep it? Have you seen this same thing. Oh, I think you're so right on because, I mean, and I remember this going through my own house. I'm like, I have taken 50 trips to Goodwill. How could there possibly be more? Right. And when you're doing it, you're bagging at your boxing. You're like, look at all this stuff. Like, I am a rock star. I am doing so well. And it's easy to think like, okay, like I've, yeah, I've taken so many trips. Like, how could there possibly be more left? Right. And it isn't until that we go back

inside and you're right. I think you have to really push yourself then to look at the next layer and the next layer. And that's why we sometimes talk about like the onion method, like when you're going through your house. But to like look at it again and again. And something that's kind of been like resonating with me lately is that every item, like every physical item in my house is a tool. Like it was created to serve me and to make my life better. And so it's, Isn't it funny how I'll hold something up? It is not serving me. It is not making my life better. So logically, why would I keep something like that in my house? Why would I waste my time and energy to manage it? But yet, what goes through my mind? Ooh, you paid money for that.

You know? And it's like, it does not matter. Like stuff is supposed to make our life easier. And so if this item is not serving me, it's not making my life easier. Why on earth would I keep it? Right. And so we really have to challenge ourselves because this time of year, especially, all the marketing is telling us all the things that are going to solve all our problems and make our life better and how if we just buy that next thing, like marketing has trained us that if we have a problem, there is a thing to fix it. Right. And so we're constantly every single day being bombarded with those messages. So then to take the opposite of an approach in our house, I really do think it takes like this awareness and this like fortitude in your mind to keep going ahead and being like, but no.

Like, you're not serving me. Yeah, I totally agree. It's a mindset shift. And I also want, if you're listening to this and you're like, okay, that sounds great, but how do I really get started? Here's the difference between when I go to a client's home and I'm decluttering, like, truckloads of things out of their home and them doing it on their own. I have a garbage bag. I have a donatable donation box with me. And I'm touching each item.

I don't want you to look at a pile and try to hunt for something that goes. I want you to pick up an item and ask yourself, does this stay or does this go? And if it stays, put it back. Yeah. But it's that act of asking yourself everything that you own you need to make a decision on. Yes or no. And it's that, not looking at the pile because that causes declutter blindness and overwhelm. Oh, yeah.

Touch your stuff. open your drawer, take something out, ask yourself the question. And then if it's a yes, put it back, grab something else out. It's this act that has huge progress. We're not sorting. We're not organizing. We're not making piles. It's a yes, no. Is this serving me today? Yes, no. I think that's so good. And it gives you a starting place, right? Like if you're like, oh, but you haven't seen my storage room or my catch-all space, right? You're like, no, you like walk one step in the door, start at the right hand side of the door and just start like grabbing stuff. And again, where the mindset shift minds mindset shift comes in is like, if this stuff has been in storage for a year, five years,

10 years, that's good news. That is great news. That means you don't need it. Like you have quarantined it. You have time will tell it. You have time tested it. You have whatever phrase you want to use, you are not using this stuff. And so that should help you be able to go through it more quickly. We have to look at this differently. I know, I know you put it in there thinking, but someday, someday I am going to get back to this. Someday, it doesn't come, right? Cass, you thought, my kids will get older. My kids will move out. My kids will this and that. All of the women who I hear from, who are empty nesters, who are retirement age like Dawn, the time never comes. don't store it. If you're not using it now, be willing to let it go. The time never comes.

It's very, very true. The time never comes. But this can feel, it can still feel really scary. I notice something else people, when I'm decluttering with clients, that's something that they do that I have to stop them from doing. Okay. They start telling the story of every item. Yeah. They'll pick something up. And even if they want it to go, they'll be like, oh, I don't need this. But remember I got this when I was at the fair when I was with my husband. And that was such a great day. Stop the stories. Stop the stories. When decluttering, stop the stories.

Trust your gut. Here's the question you're asking yourself, is this serving me? Do I like this? Is it a yes or a no? Because the story convinces us and kind of tricks our brain into keeping it. But this is a mindset shift that we can do. We can remind ourselves to stop the story. This isn't reminiscing time.

This isn't organizing time. This isn't stacking time. This is decluttering time. This is a yes or no time. And we can move through a space so quickly. I just decluttered a storage room that we couldn't even open the door. We couldn't even walk inside. There was zero floor space stacked almost to the ceiling in six hours.

Wow. And it was just me and the clients and I did nothing. The only thing I did was ask about every item. Yeah. Is this something you want to keep? Is this something you're using? Is this something you love? If it's a no, we toss it out the door. That was it. Yeah. That's so good. This is a space that they had already said that there was nothing else that they could find, that they had already decluttered. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Because they have decluttering blindness because they were looking at the room as a whole instead of looking at each individual item. Yeah. And isn't it amazing cast, how especially stuff if we haven't seen it for a while, we're just, we've built it up in our head and it, no, it's all special. It's all something I'm going to need. It's all super valuable. And so we have, we've already labeled it in our mind. Like, nope, it's just. So I think that's so good. That's such a great. example of that. And I do think it's helpful to have someone else with you. It can be a child. Like, Corbyn, my 9-year-old, he is like my, like, right-hand man when it comes to decluttering and

organizing and doing projects around the house. And it is amazing how even just having him there, and I'll be like, Corbyn, like, have we used this? You know, like, what is this piece too? And I'm really just talking it out myself. You know, he doesn't know, right? But I'm just talking it out myself. And then he'll be like, mom, do I'm going to go put in the garbage can? And I'm like, yes, I do. I don't even want to spend another second trying to figure out what this little piece was to or whatever, you know? And so I do think if we can invite someone else in, you can do it virtually. You can join our course. It will help you with it.

But there is something about because a lot of us don't have confidence in ourselves, right? We're so worried about making us mistake cast. Like, we're so hard on ourselves about this that if we can have someone else like and let let them be the bad guy. Like I'm sure you were the bad guy there, right? Like if they made a mistake, it was all on you, not them. I guess. I mean, in their mind, but I'm going to tell you the truth that always, when somebody hires me for this, I'm always blown away. I do nothing. I don't make a decision on anything that goes. I just hold something up and ask them if they want to keep it. And then nine times out of the

10, they put it in the bag. So it's fascinating to me because I'm like, you don't need me here. But every time I leave, they say, I could never have done this without you. I can't believe how much I let go of. You are a life changer. And I just say to them, you did this. Yeah. You did this. I was just here to stop you looking at the big picture and to look down at your feet, to stop looking at the mountain and take one step at a time. But you don't need to hire me or Don or anyone else to do that. I mean, it's fun to hang out with you, but. Be fun. You can do this with the same strategy of stopping the overwhelm and looking at one item at a time and having a bag there and having a box there with intention.

You were intentionally doing yes or no. That's it. It isn't a million questions because we have decision fatigue. Where should I go and where should this go? And I'm like, gosh, is this staying in my house or not? and stop. Well, and something else we've been talking about in my private mentorship group, we've been talking a lot about managing other people's expectations. So when you come across the stuff that, well, my mom expects me to keep this, oh, well, it was my grandmas who passed

away. So then that's just like an automatic. You have to keep it, right? If the person, if I love the person I care about him, I'm going to keep it, right? And I actually, I did an interview with Dr. John Deloney this past. week and he was talking about how you have to stop like outsourcing your value and your happiness to other people because it doesn't actually matter what they think. It does not matter if your mom thinks you should keep something and you let it go. She's in charge of her emotions and her reaction and how she feels about it and you can't control that. And he said, you know, especially as women, often we fall into the role of the peacekeeper. So it's it's not wrong if you've

falling into that. Like I'm just trying to keep the peace, right? I'm trying to not upset anybody. I don't want to upset my husband by trying to get rid of stuff he inherited or upset my mom or my aunt if I get rid of stuff. And we have to stop and say, no, this is my house. I can't control how they react, how they feel, how they respond. I can only decide for myself, does this make me happy? Like again, if we even go back to the idea of it being a tool, okay, sentimental stuff should bring up a happy memory. That is the point of it. It's remind us of a special time, a special person. And if that sentimental item does not perform that for you, that task for you, then we let it go. There's no point in keeping it. And so again, trying to, you know, shift all these mindset right now,

it's you can't control what other people are going to think about it. And you have permission to let that stuff go if you don't want to keep it anymore. I love this so good because it really is. I mean, the act of decluttering, this is what I've noticed, not even in myself, definitely in myself, but in other people too. It's about self-love and self-respect and standing, freaking up for yourself. And when we're decluttering like a closet and we're like, these clothes are too small. They make me feel so bad about myself. And that, like, I deserve better. I'm worthy of feeling good about myself. I cry. I cry every time I declutter my closet because I'm telling myself these words of love and these words of affirmation and realizing that the things that aren't making me feel good are toxic. Yes. And they have to go. And even if that's something that someone else has put on you, something you really don't want in your home, but you feel guilt, shame. obligation. Yes. Ugh. That's toxic too. Yes. Mm-hmm. It really is. That's so good. And he was also

talking about too, you know, he's doing research right now linking our cluttered chaotic spaces with heightened anxiety, ADHD, OCD, depression. And because I actually said to home when I I saw him, if any of you follow him, he's, he's great about saying, you know, like mental health is the bigger picture. It's not just how we think, but it's our relationships. Like, we need people around us and we need to take care of our bodies. He's like, it's a bigger picture. And I was like, that's great. But I'm like, you don't talk about the stuff in our house. And what I hear from so many women is like, I feel more at peace. My kids, like, they're calmer. Some of these symptoms they've been having are starting to simmer down now. And he was like, actually, that is what my current

research is about is linking our environments. He's like, you can overlay a graph of mental health issues rising along with stuff, the amount of stuff in our house rising. And again, so if we can look at it, then, like, this is actually really important work that we're doing. And again, I'm not trying to guilt or shame any mom. Like, your kid doesn't have ADHD because your house is clutter. That is not at all what I'm saying. But if we notice in ourselves and in our kids, some of these things coming up, a gift that we can give them and ourselves it's to highly simplify this space and that means you're going to have to get rid of like a majority of the stuff in your house right so again this like the cluttering blindlets like you have to

go into it like just knowing like for every two items I hold up one of them has to go right if not two of it absolutely like you have to look at this like you are drowning it is it's war it's war it's war I love that. Yeah, it's a fight. Fight for yourself. Fight for your home. Fight for your family. Fight for your happiness against the junk you bought at Walmart. Because that is what's making you feel like crap. It's stealing your time. It's stealing your space. It's zapping your energy. Oh my gosh. But it's so, we're so blind to it until we start taking action. It starts with grabbing a bag. and taking action and just asking, do I really need this? And usually when people start this, it takes a minute to warm up. It's, oh, yes, I need this. Fine. Put that down. Pick up something else. You'll be like, oh, actually, this can go. And you'll be flooded with endorphins.

And you'll feel instantly proud of yourself. Hold on to that. That's the feeling that takes you to wear the life that not only you're craving, but that you deserve. Yes, absolutely. A simplified home. Okay. Tell me, I know you already have, you're the author of Declutter Your Home in 15 minutes a day. It's a workbook and a course, but I know you have a new book coming out with your sister. Tell us about that. Yeah, so it's called Decluttering by Faith. And so my twin sister, Diana, she's actually a pastor. And we had just noticed a lot of overlap in like what the Bible has to say about our stuff and the decluttering process. So we thought, hey, let's put it together in this book. It's called Decluttering by Faith. It also comes along with a six-week video series.

So if you want to do like a group study or a Bible study at your church, you can do that. But it was really fun cast because, you know, in the Take Your Houseback group, we do, we go live every two weeks. Like so like truly in that course, like we are there like just continuing to cheer you on and motivate you. But over the summer, the hot topic was contentment. And like there were so much good conversation about that. And I think, you know, when we say like, I just want to be happy, usually that's actually synonymous with being content.

And we've both found like you and I, Cass, even though we don't have to share all the same faith beliefs, we like decluttering our house leads to contentment, detaching ourselves from the grip of consumerism like we've been talking about leads to content. leads to peace in your house. And so it was really fun to kind of go through this and to pair up scripture with decluttering. And so, yeah, it turned out really good. And if we do share similar faith beliefs, I think it might be something else that can help encourage and inspire you in your decluttering.

I love that. So is your sister a minimalist too? I don't know. She is actually. Yeah. I mean, she may be a little not quite as much as me. but she has found all the same things of just like it's just too much like you can't really enjoy your kids and enjoy being a mom and you know a wife and managing a household when it's just so cluttered

and she'll say too so her husband Princeton you know he's from India and so they grew up so modestly you know a very small apartment and and she was like so for him it's it's just very natural, you know. And so she said it actually hasn't been hard at all. So that's been kind of fun to see too. I found the biggest surprise decluttering my own space was this is bizarre. Okay, the less we have, the less we want to buy. And the more I was buying, the more I felt I needed to buy. And so when my house was very cluttered, I was bringing in so much stuff on a regular basis and also searching for happiness in a store, searching to fill that little void. And the more I decluttered, it hurt.

And I had to own like, I shouldn't have spent this money on the first place. Ooh, that was a waste. Oh, I wish I wouldn't have done that. And I think that pain trained my brain to the next time I'm at the store, I really stop and think. And I bring in a lot. And even when I do make a mistake and buy things I shouldn't, I'm letting that stuff go. So I don't feel that impulse. to find happiness at a store and all those promises the pants are going to make my butt look

better and all these gadgets are going to make me cook better and I'm going to get organized if I just buy more baskets. Yes. That's so much less when I have less. Yes. And we were actually just talking about this in my group again because a gal said, okay, I really don't want to buy a lot for Black Friday or the holiday sales. like, do you have any tips? And a gal responded and she said, when I was a young mom,

an older gal told me, she said, don't go into the stores. And she knew herself and she's like, yeah, she's like, I wasn't even buying stuff for me. I was buying stuff for the kids. But I'd go into the stores and I'd see all the stuff. And she's like, if I would stay out of the stores, I wouldn't be tempted to buy the stuff. Well, that was easy, what, 10, 15 years ago, now it's tracking us. It's following us. Oh, you have something in your cart still. You didn't check out, you know and so like what i recommend is you have to unfollow the people on instagram that are always trying to sell you something stay off of facebook um if you find that's your weakness don't go into the stores do order pickup i mean we have to be proactive also especially this time of year and that's

been really helpful to me because i will i like i'm like you they know how to market i mean target spends gazillions of dollars knowing where to put the product what color to make the shelf, how big to make the sign, to get you to buy stuff. And so I don't have the like willpower for all of that right now to like constantly be like, no, don't buy it. So it's like, I just got to stay out. Like I got to unfollow the people, stay off of social media right now, just read a good fiction book, you know, instead of going online, you know, because I'm just like, I can't. Like I can't. It's just always there. Yeah, I have to do online shopping at Costco, Walmart, places where they have cool stuff other than just food. Because I'm a sucker. I'll get the candle and the new PJ

pants and I'll be like, oh, and I'll get, I know that about myself. But when I shop online, I still get the things that I needed and wanted without all of that extra, not only clutter, but wasted money. So it's just, it sucks. I wish, I'm like, I wish I could have the self-control. It's like if I buy chocolate in the house, I'm going to eat it. I just can't do that. Exactly. Same exact thing. I don't know why it took me to my meat. 40s to finally learn, I got a, you know, I'm not going to magically wake up and have self-control, but it's also a blessing that I don't need to fight myself every day. I can set myself up for success without that feeling of guilt and shame and remorse just by avoiding those situations in the

first place. I just, I don't go into those stores. Yes. Yep. It is. We learn ourselves, right? Like that is the beauty of getting all there is. We know what works. We know what things we can declutter and not miss anymore. We know we don't have more time tomorrow than we have today. And so there's a lot of freedom that comes with that. Yes. It's good.

I still have a ways to go. But I'm hoping my kids learn from my mistakes maybe and some of it sinks in because I was never taught to declutter as a kid. I didn't even know it was a thing. No. I didn't even realize it was part of. being an adult, but it is just like washing your dishes, doing your laundry, decluttering, getting things out of your home is a critical, it's a crucial part of home management.

Yeah. And if it isn't, nothing else is going to help. Yep, totally. Totally. Okay. Thank you so much, Don. You're so inspiring as always. Please let the listeners know where they can find you.

Yeah. We spend most of our time on YouTube. So if you search The Mineral Mom, otherwise my website is theminualmom.com. Awesome. Thank you so much, Don. And of course, you can work with both of us if you sign up for the Take Your Houseback course at Take Your Houseback.com. We're doing an all-day declutter, like with us as your clutter coaches.

So instead of hiring us to come to your home, we're coming to your home virtually. And that's January 7th, right? Yes. Oh, yeah. It's so fun. Those days are so great. So we hope you can join us for that. Right now, we're actually having a sale.

We're having a Black Friday and Cyber Monday sale where you can get the Take Your House Back course for just $84. So this starts Thursday, which is right now, and it goes all the way until Monday. So do not miss your chance. Go to Take Your Houseback.com right now and make sure you take advantage of this sale. We hope to see you then. Okay, thank you so much for listening. We'll see you guys next time.

Thank you.