Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - Does Life Feel Hard? Let's Stop the Stress & Struggle for Good | Clutterbug Podcast # 219

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

Does your life feel extra hard sometimes? Are you tired of the hustle and constant exhaustion? Are you craving a slower, more relaxed lifestyle?!  In today's podcast, I'm sharing my journey from rushed to relaxed (I'm a work in progress) and some simple things we can do to add a little comfort and luxury to our everyday lives.      You can find more Clutterbug content here: Website: http://www.clutterbug.me YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clutterbug TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/   #clutterbug #podcast       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you ever notice that we live in a world where it's almost like a badge of honor to say how busy and how tired we are? Like when people ask, oh, how are you? How have you been? I'm always like, oh, I'm so busy. Like, that somehow shows my worth. Let's have a conversation about that. Hey, Clutterbugs. Welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. For the past few months, I've been seeing a new therapy. as part of this ADHD program that my doctor introduced me to. So it's been great. It's been very eye-opening. I'm actually a huge fan of therapy, but this is more intense, I feel like, than any therapy I've ever had before. Intense maybe isn't the right word. My therapist is getting real with me. And he's been mentioning something lately that I think deeply I knew. I knew,

like somewhere way down deep inside that was an issue, but I honestly also saw this as like a positive thing. So I want to talk to you about that because maybe you can relate. And I also, we're going to be talking about something today called like soft living. This is a new lifestyle trend that honestly I'm not great at, but I was looking into it and it intrigued me. I talk a lot about how I feel guilty and I feel a lot of shame when I'm lazy. And somewhere in my brain, I have this interpretation like my self-worth is tied to how much I get done in a day. And it isn't that I'm busting my butt all the time. That's most certainly not it at all. But I definitely have these expectations that like I'll be happier or I'm my I'm worth more if I'm doing.

a lot of things and trying to achieve things, whether that is in my career or even just in my home life. I always feel a lot of shame on Sunday night if I haven't done a lot of household tasks over the weekend. And I write myself list. This weekend, I was supposed to plant a garden and do like all these things, which should be enjoyable and nice. But my brain takes it as like taskmaster, or check it off your list in order for you to feel like you've accomplished something. Like somehow checking these things off makes me a better person. I don't even know where this comes from. I see people in my own life and I grew up with parents who really prided themselves

on how much they got done and working hard and they were always talking about how tired they were and how busy they were. And I remember that being like a very big turnoff and I was like, I don't want to be that kind of grown up. And yet here I am doing the same thing, talking about all the things I have going on and filling my life so that it feels very chaotic and hectic and busy. And sometimes it feels like I'm on this like stress hamster wheel that there's this pressure to really hustle in life.

And I'm either hustling and doing stuff or I'm avoiding doing stuff, which looks a lot like checking out watching, you know, Netflix or just scrolling on my phone while trying to, you know, get the motivation to go do the things I want. And I'm not really engaging in a lot of fun. I'm not really doing things that are enjoyable because it almost feels like I have to earn those first. Like I can relax and have fun when I've done XYZ. And what I'm realizing in therapy is that you don't have to earn relaxation. It is a right. You don't have to earn fun.

It is a right. You don't have to work first and then take a break. You can just take breaks for the sake of taking breaks. We don't have to prioritize scrapping and struggling. We can prioritize comfort. and relaxation. Like what would a life look like if we prioritized that? And when I asked myself this question, my immediate thought is, well, you know, you won't earn enough money and you won't get things done and your house will be a disaster and you won't be able to pay the bills and you're not going to

get things you want out of life. Like I start to feel almost like this sense of panic at the thought of just giving up. I think the fear comes from, I don't want to go back to my old ways where I just, everything was kind of chaotic and I had no routines, but it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can still do the basic routines, get things done. I can still go to work and do my work, but I can really, instead of spending my time avoiding things and procrastinating and, you know, doom scrolling the or all the other ways that I do these little silly things, what if I prioritized comfort and relaxation as much as I prioritize getting things done as well? Like why does it have to be one or the other? Why can it not be both? And that's what we're like literally talking about today. I don't have

to wear busy as a badge of honor and you don't either. There's another way. And I'm not going to talk to you about this like I'm some sort of expert this I am not but I've done some research and I've found some really simple little things that can kind of make us feel slower little ways that we can prioritize relaxation and comfort without having to give up all the good stuff we just give up the stress and the hustle but we don't have to like oh well I guess we're going to live in clutter and and never work again. Like that's, that's not what this is about. This is about, this is about making sure that happiness and, and our peace of mind and our mental health is also a number one priority in our life. I think the first thing that we need to do and the first thing that I'm doing

is really identifying those stressors in my life, identifying those things that are getting me amped up and feeling like I'm not doing enough, whether it's work, is it money, is it relationships, is it the house, is it your workload, is it your health, is it your sleep? Like, what are the things that are really causing you issues and really are the stress? And for me, I definitely tend to like pile on my workload. I, if I do have time where I'm not feeling like I'm drowning, I'll add something to my place so I feel like I'm drowning. Like my comfort zone is that cortisol stress.

I need more caffeine. Oh my gosh. Like I live in there. And when things aren't like that, I make it like that because that feels normal to me. So I'm really working hard to take a look at that. I also don't get enough sleep. I know this, so I'm always tired, so I'm always frazzled. I need to go to bed earlier.

And I also need to realize, like, I'm the CEO of my life. And it's okay for me to look at the big picture of my life and say, I can eliminate this. I can let this go. I can have more of this. I can delegate this. Like, why don't I do this? Why don't I really? put boundaries and put limits on on on all of this so less drama less gossip because that super stresses me

out i i don't want to be when i have conversation with friends and it's like or loved ones i have conversations with and it always turns in like this catty gossipy thing that causes me stress even when i engage in it. I leave that conversation and I'm kind of like amped up and stressed out. Do this make sense? Like I just want to eliminate that. I don't want to engage in the drama anymore. I definitely don't want to create any, but that's going to be a new boundary for me. The other thing is rushing. I feel like I rush a lot. Rushing in the morning to get ready for work, rushing to make sure the kids get on the bus, rushing to make sure dinner's on the table. And I'm like, wait a minute.

minute, what if I just got up 20 minutes earlier? Like literally just set my alarm 20 minutes earlier. And what if we ate dinner instead of at six every night? What if we ate dinner at 6.15? Like that doesn't sound like a big thing, but those 15 minutes is the difference between me just getting off work and like having to rush to get dinner on the table to being able to relax and actually enjoy cooking. And talking to my family about their day instead of like, I got to hurry. at this time. Like who says we have to eat dinner at this specific time? This is so bonkers. So I'm going to kind of rework my schedule a little bit to give myself breaks, to give myself breathers, to make time for fun, first of all, I'm going to schedule some fun, but also make time for relaxation. Something that my

therapist said to me in the last session that really stuck with me he was like you're really good at trying to make your life easier like function wise so decluttering absolutely made my life easier like it eliminated so much stress and eliminated so much time but then i just filled it with like i'm volunteering more and then i'm you know created more work and i'm adding more work and adding more obligations and responsibilities in the place, which was just managing my mess all the time. And he was like, you're really great at doing that. And you're really great at making yourself as productive as possible and functional as possible. But you're not really seeing that you can't just fill every moment with like, what am I getting done today? You have to leave blank space

for spontaneity. You have to leave blank space in your schedule, in your day and in your time, in your life for fun to just happen and not every fun moment has to be planned either. And this is so bizarre that he was kind of saying this to me because I feel like inside I'm this free spirit. And I always hated structure and routine and I resisted it. But then I needed it in order to get my life in order. And I think I just maybe went a little bit too far without realizing it. You know, like maybe. It felt so good to accomplish. things. It felt so good to get stuff done and check things off and be more productive that I just wanted more, more, more, more of it. And I somehow crossed a line. I don't know when I crossed that

line, but I definitely crossed that line into like every moment doesn't have to be filled. And every moment isn't filled for me. But in the moments that aren't filled, I feel guilt and shame that they aren't filled with something. And so I am just filling that time with stupid things feeling bad. Like I'm just trying to numb myself or escape myself from feeling shame. So it's a lot of scrolling the internet. Because I'm like, I should be doing the dishes or I should be doing this. Or I should be planning my garden or I should be taking the dog for a walk.

Or I should be spending time with my kids. I should, should, should, should, should. There's a lot of I should be doing this instead of just giving myself hours in the day. What do you want to do? No pressure, no obligation. You don't have to do anything. There is no should do anything. What do you feel like doing?

And as you're listening to this, how does that feel to you? You don't have to do anything. There's no should you should be doing this. What if there is blank space for just whatever in the moment feels good for you to do? Daily habits are important. Getting organized is important, but also leaving time for relaxation is also just as important. I spend a lot of time organizing. Does that make sense? Like preparing. So I meal plan on Sunday and I do all these planning ahead things. And they have been incredible for reducing stressors and eliminating things.

So I want to kind of copy and paste those things in the areas of my life where I'm still stressed. Meal planning means that every night I'm not like, what's for dinner? Oh my gosh, I didn't take anything out of the freezer, we're going to have to get fast food or pizza again. All that's kind of gone because on Sunday I spend 15 minutes and I plan the meals and then I take stuff out of the freezer to defrost for the entire week. Like it sounds really stupid. It's a small little thing. But it makes a really big difference. I also plan my work schedule a few weeks in advance. So I one day a month, I plan the content for the whole month. So because it used to be like, what's the video this week? And I'd kind of panic or like what's the podcast about? I know ahead of time now and that feels really good. But I can also

plan for other things that aren't these productive things and have the same results. I can plan one Friday a month. That's like a date day with me. And we're going to talk more about that in a second. But I can literally plan myself a me day. When is the last time you've done that? When is the last time that you've given yourself an entire day to just be about you and be selfish and not worry about anyone else? I bet it's been a very long time. I can only talk about the things that I want to work on personally. So maybe you can relate to some of these things.

But if not, I hope you're feeling like, I don't know, I hope you're kind of. evaluating your own life. I am sick of rushing. A hundred percent sick of rushing. I'm going to start planning my outfits the night before just going in because I have more energy in the night. That's the truth. I'm tired as freaking heck in the morning. I'm like mornings are, I'm not a morning person. It's not my jam. But at night, I do feel really energized. So as my tub fills, usually this is when I put away a load of laundry. And now I'm like, okay, What if first I prioritize getting stuff ready for the next day, picking out my outfit, if I have to steam it. I hate that, do that.

What am I going to have for breakfast the next day? Like plan that, that it's something nutritious and healthy. Am I going somewhere? Do I need to pack a lunch? Do you know, do I need to pack a bag? Am I going to the gym? Like what's happening after work? what if I had that all planned the night before the next day so that in the morning when I wake up

it's just done I don't have the decision fatigue I'm not fighting with tired me to get through the morning which is just honestly stressing me out and that stress carries with me the entire day so a little bit of things that I can plan and do the night before can eliminate that morning rush that's really stressful with me. And then like I talked about with dinner, just like bumping dinner back or stop getting done work 15 minutes earlier. I mean, I'm my own boss. I can also do that. Like, why can't I do that? And also, I got to delegate more. Think about your own life. What can you delegate to your children? Can they do the laundry and clean the kitchen every night? Can they do a five-minute tidy pickup? What about your spouse? Can you hire someone to clean? Once every two

weeks even, you deserve to do less. Eliminate, delegate. And at the very least, how can we make the things that we do have to get done fun? Can we set timers to make it a game? Can we invite someone over and do body doubling, how can we make the things that we do have to get done a little bit more fun? Another thing that I definitely have to work on is getting more sleep because here's the honest truth. I am a night owl. My ideal schedule is I stay up till 4 o'clock in the morning and I sleep till noon or two. You know what I mean? Like I'm a vampire. I'm nocturnal over here. But unfortunately, I have children. They go to school. I mean, I have a job. I have employees that come here.

The world doesn't work on that schedule, so I have to adapt. But that doesn't mean that I can't still change my sleep in little ways. Yeah, I can go to bed earlier. And I need to definitely go to bed. I need to go to bed earlier, friends. I need to start my bedtime thing earlier so I can still feel like I've got that private quiet time, which I love so much late at night where everybody else is sleeping. What if I just mimic that by going to my bedroom and like pretending like everyone's sleeping? You know what I mean? I have older kids.

They can put themselves to bed. They don't need me. So I have an hour lunch every day and I watch say yes to the dress right now. That's like what I do on my hour lunch. What if I eat after lunch and I literally have like a half an hour power nap. Or I work through lunch and I sleep in every morning for an extra hour. I'm thinking, I'm working on this one still. But we know that shorter sleep means shorter lifespan. We have to get a minimum of eight hours and you may be a person that needs 10. And there is nothing wrong with that.

And there is nothing wrong with having naps. And there is nothing wrong with making sure that sleep and rest is a priority and how can we rearrange, shift things around? What can we do in our life to make sure that that's a priority? I think the biggest thing that I'm working on that I have to work on more. It's going to be a journey for me is letting go of the guilt that I feel for resting, especially if it's like extended periods of rest or more than that if I didn't earn that rest. If I didn't do enough to earn the relaxation, we do not have to earn rest. And I know I am not alone here because we are now this society that we can't rest until we're on

vacation. We work, work, work, work, work, work until we can have like a week vacation. And then it's like we've earned it. And sometimes we still even feel guilty when we're on vacation. Like, what is happening? Enough is enough. Being tired is not a badge of honor. Being busy is not a badge of honor.

Enough is enough. What if we live a different way? What if we are proud of ourselves for prioritizing our own comfort, our own relaxation, and our own rest. What does that look like? So I was definitely doing some research on things that I could do to live this soft life, which is this relaxed, more comforting life. I've been watching a ton of videos. It gets kind of like, how to chill. No, that's not what I typed in but um yeah how to live this more this slower comfortable relaxing life i i want i just i want real take me real tangible tips so here's one thing that i read and i actually watched a

video about it and read a blog post about it that i thought was really cool it was treating yourself to more luxury but not in the way that you think like we're not buying expensive designer handbags here it's little ways that that feel like luxury giving yourself a face mask a few nights a week painting your toes seriously not going for a pedicure you can if you but that could be a thing too go for a pedicure what if you just painted your toenails what if you just lit a bunch of candles and put on relaxing music that you enjoy and just sat in the room and listened to relaxing music with soft candlelight. Sounds weird.

What about, I mean, it's getting warmer out. You just light a bonfire in the backyard on a Tuesday night and you just go sit out there and watch it. What if you drink your water or your juice from like a champagne flute or a wine glass? And what if we went next to me at the grocery store, we bought ourselves a bunch of lemons? and then we, when we do have water, we always put like lemon on it or fancy or get those little swords and we excure orange slices and some of those like fancy cherries and we put it on our orange juice glass. I know this sounds weird, but these are some of the tips that I was

seeing and reading about. That actually sounds so nice. One of them said wear silk pajamas. I immediately went on Amazon and I ordered two like satin nightgowns. I put these on and it's just, and then it said wear your favorite perfume like all the time, wear it to bed. And I felt like, oh, that's kind of wasteful. So I put on this satin nightgown and I put on perfume and I painted my toes while I had a mud mask on my face. and it felt like, do I deserve this? I don't know.

It felt like, yeah, I was making time to treat myself. And I'm going to give you more examples in a second, but first I have to thank today's podcast sponsor, which definitely goes with today's topic because that's cozy earth. A few years ago, I treated myself to some cozy earth sheets and I didn't realize how nice it would feel going to bed with really good, soft, beautiful bedding. It was a way that I treated myself and now there's no going back. Right now I have an exclusive Mother's Day offer just for listeners. You can use the code clutterbug for 35% off at cozy earth.com. Cozy Earth bedding products are crafted with temperature regulating technology.

Whether it's the beautiful cozy earth betting or it's their sleepwear, prioritize your self-care and your health. You deserve it. Go to cozyEarth.com. Use the promo code Clutterbug for an exclusive 35% off. Soft as a mother's touch, Cozy Earth wishes you a happy Mother's Day. Some other ways that we can just really, like, let's be honest, this is about treating yourself without breaking the bank is fresh flowers. When you're at the grocery store next time, pick up your favorite fresh flowers.

Seems like a not big deal, not a big deal. But I know it always makes me really happy every time I come in the kitchen. And it also motivates me to keep my kitchen a little tidier, which is another thing that you could do. Obviously, like, tidying is a form of self-care. And it doesn't have to feel like this, oh my God, I got to clean the house. I got to check it off my list. And adding to our stress, it can be 15 minutes or even 10 minutes, even five minutes of a quick tidy-up time so that we're happier, so that we feel more relaxed. Another thing that I read that I thought was so cute, I wrote it down is get yourself some herbs, even if you plant them outside. So I have an herb pot

outside that I plant every spring, but just clip some, bring them in in a cup of water, and then sprinkle it over your dinner. So like your dinner feels more bougie. You know what I mean? Some chives, just like a little, some basil, some parsley. Just sprinkle it on your, whatever you're eating for dinner. Doesn't have to be fancy. Put it on a grilled cheese. a little bit of luxury that it's it sounds so so I know this all sounds so silly it's about slowing down and allowing yourself to enjoy things that are otherwise seen as kind of like fancy you know a little boozy when's the last time you had your morning coffee outside instead of rushing here and there what if you sat outside and

just listen to nature and look around outside. Just like sit outside and relax. Or like heaven forbid, bring a book outside. Stop it now. Am I going too far? This sounds nice, doesn't it? It all sounds so nice. I'm going to get myself a hummingbird feeder because my mom has hummingbirds.

And every time I go visit her in the summer and I sit out there and the hummingbirds are like zipping by, I just think I would love to just sit and watch this. Fill up bird feeders closer to the house, just watch birds eat the bird seed too. Like, why are we not doing this? Why do we have to wait one week out of the year to go on vacation to sit and enjoy nature? That's ridiculous. We can prioritize it every single day. We can take mini vacations every single.

day. We can have long baths. We can go on nice long walks. We can listen to music just for the sake of listening to music and sitting and doing nothing else only listening to music. But I think the one thing that I saw that really resonated with me, that really felt like I felt this real draw to do it, was go on a date with yourself. At least. least once a month. You're going on a date. It's like a, like a real date, whether it's an entire Saturday to yourself, or it's just a date night. This could look like going out to dinner. You can go by yourself, totally fine and acceptable. If that feels too weird, go get a coffee from your favorite coffee shop and go peruse the bookstore. Make it a whole self-care day and get a

pedicure and get your hair done? I mean, yes. It doesn't even have to be about spending money. Go to a museum. Go to an art gallery. You don't have to go with other people or you can if you want to go with other people. But this can also be just something you do for you. What about going to the movies? by yourself getting a big bag of popcorn. Date yourself. Go on the perfect date with yourself. And do it often. I don't know why this concept is something I had never thought of before,

but it makes me very excited. I need to go on more dates with my husband. I know I do, but I also need to date myself more. I should go for a massage. I should do that. I definitely, I don't like people touching my feet. So I think the pedicure, the pedic, I can paint my own toes. I don't like that.

But there are so many like little self-care things that I could go for a facial. I don't like spending money, but sometimes it's also okay. to treat yourself, even if it's just going and getting like, I don't know, some drugstore serums and going home and making it a spa day at home. That's okay too. That feels so good. And we should be doing this because that is prioritizing comfort, relaxation, self-care. It's taking time to slow down and love yourself. slowing down is not a bad thing we do not have to be productive every day we do not have to check things off our list every day it's okay to have blank space it's okay to relax it's okay to take mini vacations

and it's okay to make luxury for yourself a priority i'm working on it friends. I'm proud of all the things that I've accomplished in my life. I really am. And I and I do. It feels good. It feels good to do things. It feels good to get things done. But there is a fine line between, you know, checking things off your list and making checking things off your list how you value yourself and your self-worth. And I think for a lot of us, perhaps we've crossed that line. And even if we're not doing a bunch of stuff and crushing it, if we still have this thought process, then we're just beating ourselves up for not checking things off the list and all the things we're not doing. And we're not allowing ourselves to really relax and enjoy life and have fun because we're so worried

about all the things we should be doing. I should do that first. I can't do this because I should be doing that. Let's remove should from our vocabulary and really make comfort and relaxation important. Okay, going on a date with yourself? I'm going on a date with myself. Let me know in the comments below some other ways

that we can kind of embrace a slower, softer life. It doesn't mean we're not getting stuff done. It doesn't mean we're going to like let our house go crazy and and just, you know, yeah, we're not trust fund babies over here. We can't, we can't hire people to. We still got to do the things. We just don't have to do all the things all the time. Thank you guys so much.

I love spending time with you and I'll see you guys next time.