Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - How a Simple Compliment can Change Everything | Clutterbug Podcast # 59

Episode Date: July 13, 2018

A single compliment can inspire a spouse to clean, encourage a child to help out and drastically improve a relationship. So if compliemnts have this much power, why aren't we using them on ourselves?  Complimenting ourselves regularily isn't selfish, it's about self care. Try it today.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. Today I'm going to talk about the power of a compliment. So thanks so much for joining me. I'm actually going to tell you a story and you guys are probably going to judge me, but that is okay. I'm hoping that some of you can find, I guess, that enlightenment that I found from this thing that happened to me. So you guys, know that I struggle with my weight. It's just this progressive issue that I have. I keep getting bigger. I try and fail. I make promises to myself that I'm going to start eating healthy and exercising, and I never keep those promises. I sort of tell myself the story that why even bother at this point? Because I'm not going to be able to stick with anything. And I'm actually going through to get gastric bypass surgery. I'm going to the meetings and hopefully that I'm approved for the surgery, which some of you are going to totally judge that. And that's cool. Judge it silently in your

head. I don't want to hear it. That is the thing that I'm moving towards at this point in my life. I might chicken out like I did last time and go with another option, but for right now, that is the decision I've made. Another thing that's going on in our house, though, is my husband is like balls out, into fitness right now in health. So he's not eating sugar or carbs. He's eating a lot of protein. He's making really healthy choices. He's also crazy working out. So he's running all the time. He's doing pushups and sit-ups and lifting weights. And when he started doing this, I got really resentful. And I started taking it as sort of like a slight against myself. I thought, he was doing it to try to motivate me or to prove to me how easy it was. He never has had a weight

problem. So I guess I thought he was doing it as something to do with me. I mean, how self-centered is that? And then he started getting results and he started looking better and he lost some weight and he started getting muscle. And I was teasing him a bit and I was getting really just, yeah, part of it was jealousy and part of it was fear that the more he worked towards that the more he would look at me with disgust or yeah not not want to like why would a fit person want to be with somebody so unfit like me so there was a fear involved and so i was just not nice to him anytime he would work out it to roll my eyes he'd say he wants to go for a run i'd heavy sigh he would I'd make dinner and he would only eat the vegetables and I'd sort of, you know, I'd get, I was just,

I'd be annoyed. I'd act annoyed towards him. And what started happening was he started pulling away from me, which is exactly what I thought would happen. But I, in my mind, he was pulling away because he was getting healthier and looking better and getting fitter. And so he was pulling away because he wasn't as attracted to me or he was, you know, he, yeah, he was looking down on me. And I was blaming him working out and the fitness and the healthy eating for the sort of dip in our relationship, the fact that we were going through a rocky patch in our relationship. I didn't see that it was me. I had, I was really blind to this. I was blaming him. And if he would just stop working out and getting obsessed with healthy eating, then things would go back to normal and we would.

be getting along and be great again. And then a couple of days ago, he was walking around without his shirt off and he had like a full six pack, you guys. My husband has never had a six pack. He's never been overweight, but he's never been, had to find muscles. And I was like, oh my God, your stomach looks amazing. And then I had to touch it. And I was like, oh, and your biceps. Oh, my God, Joe, you look amazing. And in that very instant, something changed. In that very very instant, yeah, he wasn't avoiding me anymore. I could see you look at his eyes. It was like that loving look again. And every day I'm making sure to compliment him and to encourage him. And when he gets back from his run, I'm like, wow, that was so quick. You're doing better at your

times. And I'm pushing down those feelings that I feel of resentment and jealousy and fear. and just trying to compliment him and praise him and be really positive about this. And the end result is our relationship. I mean, it's only been a week, but it's not only is it back to normal, but it's better than ever. And so I was the problem. That was the issue. And then I started thinking about the power of compliments in other ways and the fact that that's exactly how I got my family, my kids and my husband.

to start really helping me out around the house. I went through a really long time where I was resentful about the fact that I was the only one trying to clean and organize. And I would clean a space and it would get messy again and I would criticize and I would nag and I would, it's a heavy sigh and roll my eyes and make little comments like, oh, no one ever helps me and you guys are messy and you never pick up after yourselves. And one day I decided I was going to try to kill with kindness and offer cookies. And so if they would even take their plate close to the sink, even if they left crumbs all over, I'd be like, oh my gosh, that was awesome. Thank you so much for cleaning up. Or the kids would try to clean their room. I would gush over it and really, you know,

give them a lot of positive reinforcement. And even if it's not clean to the level that I think, you know, I'll just walk by the rooms and I'll take a peek in and I'm like, hey, I'm really proud of you. You're keeping up your room. It's looking really good. little things like that, that is how they sort of, yeah, they transform their attitude towards picking up after themselves and cleaning. It stopped being this thing that like, oh, mom's such a nag and them never helping to them wanting to help. I mean, think about your puppy. You reward them with treats when they do the thing you want. With kids and with people, praise and compliments are the reward that can really change the behavior and change the relationship. So then I realized,

why am I not doing this to myself? This is like the epiphany that I had yesterday, actually. Why am I not praising and complimenting myself when I do something? Even a small positive thing. When I decide, I'm not going to eat that cheesy cheddar burger from Wendy's. I'm going to get a rap instead. Compliment myself for that. Tell myself that. Tell myself that. you know, when I clean up the house, wow, you're good at this, Cassar. This looks awesome. Good job. And try to stop myself from focusing on the negative things, the things that I don't do, the things that I didn't get done, those to-do list items that weren't checked off. And instead to focus on the things that were, to praise and compliment myself. And this feels like super narcissistic and

like, I don't know, something that I shouldn't be doing. But the truth is, it is something I need to be doing. And I think loving yourself and praising yourself and focusing on the positive things about yourself and having gratitude and appreciation for the things that you've done and the things you've accomplished isn't narcissistic. I think that's part of self-care and self-love. And so that is the message, I guess, that I wanted to share with you today, how I make tons of mistakes. But I saw a huge difference with my kids and my family when I turned the nagging into praise when it came to the housework.

And I saw that exact same thing happened literally overnight when it came to my husband and his fitness goals. it went from a straining relationship to, I mean, he's feeling really good about himself and proud, and he's loving me more. Yeah, it's a crazy thing, and maybe this isn't applicable to everything in every situation, but I definitely think it does have the same effect for you and yourself. Pushing away those negative thoughts, focusing on the positive, praising yourself, acknowledging your accomplishments, writing a list every day of, you know, five things that you've accomplished that day that you're proud of or audibly out loud saying, you did a really good job

on that to yourself. I know that's crazy. It's a crazy concept. But I'm thinking it can have the exact same effect that it does for other people. So that's anyways, it's a quick podcast today. I wanted to talk about the power of compliments. Give it a try with your family. And at first it felt really wrong. I mean, people would make a huge mess and I'd be like giving them a cookie because they put their plate on the counter or, you know, a lot of their clothes didn't make it in the laundry basket, but they put their backpack away. I'd compliment the fact that they put their backpack away and ignore the fact that they didn't put the clothes in the laundry. but that was what it took to change everything about how people picked up after themselves.

They wanted that praise. Maybe it was subconsciously, but they wanted those praises and those compliments. So they started doing the things that gave that, so I would give them to them. So they started cleaning up their room so I would tell them how amazing it looked and how great of a job they did. They started emptying the dishwasher. So I would be like gushing over what a great job. they've done. And for me, it started becoming just a habit. The praise of these things that they did started just becoming second nature habit. At first, it was a forced thing, but it isn't anymore.

It's a fake it till you make it type thing. So give it a try, including for yourself. That's what I'm going to be doing this week. Thank you guys so much. And I'll see you next time. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum withdraws. Hey, I just won.

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